Chapter Text
Lucy’s heart was in her throat when Noah ordered her to go outside with him. She took tentative steps into the backyard as she followed behind him and hoped she could school her features well enough to ensure she would not betray the secrets she had been keeping from him like how she had been breaking the rules to sneak away from the mansion to see Tim and the plan she made with Tim to run away together.
Noah eyed her coldly and crossed his arms before he said, “I know what you’re planning, and I won’t let you ruin my show.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied with ease despite how her pulse skyrocketed.
“Don’t bullshit me. I went to talk to Tim at his house to make sure we were on the same page about the rose ceremony and his dates this week, and I caught him putting a suitcase in the trunk of one of his cars. He would only do that if he was planning on leaving the show without telling me, so I went to check all of the monitors. There are cameras everywhere including the bedrooms. I saw you packing, too. You have a rose, so there would be no reason for you to pack tonight unless you were planning on leaving, too.”
“I needed to declutter my room.”
“Lucy,” he leered at her, “let’s not lie to each other. Somehow, you passed secret messages to him and agreed to run away together. I’m not an idiot. I’ve been producing this show for over fifteen seasons. I’ve seen other bachelors try to run away with a contestant before.”
“Really?”
“Yes, and I’ll tell you what I’ve told them all- you leave, and I’ll destroy you.”
She puffed out her chest. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“Oh, there’s not much I could do to you other than make you a villain of the season. I know the only way to destroy you is to go after Tim.”
“He’s got millions of dollars. He’ll pay any fine if you sue him.”
“Money? No, I wouldn’t go after his money. Money comes and goes. No, I can go after something priceless.” He smiled mischievously, proud of himself that he had put the proper contingencies in place in case he ended up in such a situation. “His contract is iron clad. Clearly, he didn’t review it. If he doesn’t stay for all ten weeks, then he agrees to give up his shares of his family’s precious company. Bye bye, money and legacy.”
“There’s no way-”
“Oh, there is. I can’t have my bachelor running off thinking he’s fallen in love before the season is over. I always prepare for something like this. So you have a choice, you can leave with him whenever you planned to, and you’ll be destroying his family’s legacy, or you can make him stay and convince him to put on a real show, and I’ll forget about this little lapse in judgment. Your choice.”
Lucy had learned plenty about Tim throughout their long drives together, and there was nothing she was more sure of than how much Tim loved his family’s car company; they had been creating luxury cars for generations, and he was so dedicated to his work that he sacrificed everything for the sake of his family business. He was proud to work so tirelessly for the company he said was his legacy that he would pass down his children; she could not be the reason it was destroyed. Loving him meant wanting to do what was best for him even if it came with consequences for her. “What do you mean by putting on a real show?”
He smirked, already knowing he was getting his way. “There’s no shortage of sparks between you and Tim. You’re ratings gold. Whether you win or not, I know you’ll have fans all across America, but you know what’s bad for ratings? If it’s clear that Tim has already made his choice after a few weeks. I want a juicy season. I want him to look at some of the other contestants the way he looks at you. I want him to really take this show seriously and develop feelings for more than one of you.”
“Tim made up his mind. He chose me.”
“Change his mind for him. Tell him anything he needs to hear, but you better get him to stay, or he’ll lose his livelihood, and he’ll only have you to blame. Your relationship won’t survive.”
“What could I possibly say?”
“I don’t know, but you don’t have to say it in some note. I don’t have any proof, but I’m pretty sure that’s how you’ve been communicating outside of dates. You can talk to him after the rose ceremony face to face off camera. I trust Wes. He’ll chaperone.” He moved into her space and bared his teeth to snarl at her, “You better clean this mess up after the rose ceremony. Be believable. Tim can’t know the truth, or he might be dumb enough to risk everything for you. He’d regret that in a few weeks. You and I both know that. So don’t tell him about this conversation. Get him on board with the show using your feminine wiles or whatever you think will work. It doesn’t matter to me, but get it done, or who knows, I might have other ways to hurt him hidden up my sleeves that I won’t be afraid to pull out if you don’t get him to behave like the bachelor.”
Noah’s threat replayed in Lucy’s head over and over again, thoroughly distracting her to the point that she could barely flash a forced smile to Tim when he arrived.
Tim hated the cocktail party before the rose ceremonies; he already knew who was going to be sent home and no last ditch conversation would change his mind. He wanted to get the cocktail party and rose ceremony over with, because the sooner all of that was done, the sooner he could get on the road with Lucy and leave the whole show behind. While he did his best to conceal his excitement about running away with her, she seemed to be attempting to hide her pain almost as if she was having second thoughts. His stomach twisted at the thought to the point that he cut his conversation with Ashley short to find Lucy where she was sitting on a loveseat in the living room instead of standing against a wall observing him as she tended to do during cocktail parties. Tim reached out to grab her wrist then remembered there were cameras on them, so he cleared his throat and requested, “Lucy, can I talk to you?”
She nodded and went with him to stand near the pool.
“Are you doing alright tonight?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’ve got a rose already, so I’m good,” she lied.
He tilted his head as he really looked at her. “Are you sure?”
“Can…can I have a hug?”
Despite not having expected that, he wrapped his arms around her.
Something about being held by him settled her enough that she met his eyes without an overwhelming amount of agony. Lucy clung to his forearms as he rocked back in her need to keep touching him. Lowly, she said, “You mean a lot to me.”
“You mean a lot to me, too,” he replied with the beginning of a smirk.
She exhaled heavily and petted his arms for a moment. “Okay, I should let you go.”
“I don’t like the sound of that,” he said lightly as she planted his hands on her hips. “I don’t want you to let me go.”
Her heart cracked. In any other moment, she would have swooned, but knowing what she needed to say to him after the rose ceremony made her feel like someone had punched her in the gut several hundred times.
“You sure you’re okay?” He asked, noting the strange flicker of pain across her eyes.
“Of course,” she said, but they were both aware that she was lying.
He knew her well enough to know that despite not being a human lie detector, Tim could interpret her tone, and her eyes, and the way she furrowed her brow that indicated that something was wrong, but she was not being forthcoming. With cameras trained on them, they could not have an honest conversation, so he stepped away from her, but the back of his mind was unsettled throughout the rest of the cocktail party and the rose ceremony as he wondered what could possibly cause her to be so upset.
Noah took Wes aside and instructed lowly, “You’re not filming confessionals tonight. You have a special job to do.”
“Do you want me to interview the two women that were sent home?”
“No.” He looked around then whispered, “Find somewhere quiet away from cameras to take Tim.”
“Then what?”
“Bring Lucy over. They need to talk.”
“About what?”
“Lucy knows. Your job is to make sure no one can see or hear them. No one, cast or crew, can know about this. I’m trusting you.”
“Okay.” Wes blinked, knowing it was a rare severe moment given Noah’s tone and body language. He walked out of the front door of the mansion to reach Tim where he was about to climb into his red convertible. “Hey, Tim, I need you to come with me.”
“Is this about Lucy?”
“Honestly, I’m not super sure, but come on, the cameras don’t show anything behind the fence of the mansion. Let’s go over there.”
Tim followed cautiously. It was strange that they ended up at his and Lucy’s spot.
“Wait here,” Wes instructed and returned to the mansion grounds to find Lucy. She was sitting in the living room twirling her rose between her fingers looking more unhappy than he had ever seen her. “Hey, Lucy,” he murmured gently. “Can you come with me?”
She stood up, her hands shaking, and walked beside him. They walked around the fence instead of using the loose part as she always did, but they ended up in the same spot. Their spot- hers and Tim’s.
“Luce, hey,” Tim said as he went to her, relieved. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s wrong?” He waited for her to speak, but she only gazed up at him sadly. He looked to Wes to see if he could provide an answer, but Wes disappeared, and they were alone in their spot like they had been so many times before. “Baby? Whatever it is, we can talk about it on the road. I’ll go switch cars. My black car is the one I have all packed up. Don’t worry, there’s room for your stuff, too. I’ll be right back, and then we can leave.” He registered how she gripped the collar of his suit jacket tightly without saying a word. “You’re starting to scare me.”
Coming up with the right words seemed impossible. She struggled to really say anything, but she knew she had to start explaining herself, so eventually, the statement that came out was, “We’re not running away tonight.”
“We can wait until the morning if you’re too tired.”
“No, Tim, we’re not leaving at all.”
“Why not?”
“I know I said ‘yes’ when you asked me, but I changed my mind.”
His stomach twisted. “You told me you love everything about being with me. I thought I made you happy.”
“You do, Tim. Believe me, you do, but we have to stay on the show.” She could hear another fissure ripple through her heart.
“I don’t get it. Why do you want to stay?”
She wanted to be as close to truthful as she could be. “We could both use more time to be really sure. I mean, this process isn’t even that long. It’s ten weeks, and we’re almost done with the third one. We won’t be here that much longer, but it’ll be a good test. If we make it through the ten weeks, and you really get to know all of the other women, and still want me, then I’ll know that we’re right for each other.”
“You have doubts?”
“I think it’s only fair to have doubts when we’re still getting to know each other.”
“I want you to be sure about us.”
“Then, we have to stay, and you have to give the other women a chance. A real chance.” He shook his head at that, so Lucy cradled his face and pled, “Do it for me.”
“You can’t stand me kissing you the same day I kiss someone else. There’s no way you’re signing up to keep being jealous. I know you.”
“If you know me so well, look me in the eyes. See that I’m begging you to stay. See that I’m begging you to really consider the other women.”
She did mean what she was saying. Her ask was genuine, which was curious, but he knew he would do anything for her, so that left only one question, “What about us?”
“I hope we can keep going the way we have been. We’ll work on us and build our relationship day by day on our terms away from the cameras. I don’t think I could survive if we stopped sneaking off together.”
He frowned. “I can’t stop seeing you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“We’ve been good. I thought things were going well.”
“They are, but-”
“But you’re not sure enough about us to run away with me,” he presumed. “What did I do?”
“Nothing,” she whispered gently, her whole body twisting; she thought she might die from causing him so much pain. “You are amazing, and I…I want what’s best for you. I would do anything for you, which seems unbelievable because we haven’t known each other for that long, but I would. You heard me in my confessional after our one on one date, right? You know I want what’s best for you no matter what that means for me. I just hope that when this is all over, I’m the one who makes you the happiest out of all of the women here.”
“I know you are.”
“Prove it to both of us by genuinely going through this process, which means pursuing the other contestants seriously.”
“I can’t really do that.”
“Try.”
He took one of her hands off of his face and held it over his heart. “Is that what you really want?” He scanned her expression and hoped to find a trace of doubt about her new decision, but she remained resolute.
She nodded. “It is.”
He blew out a breath. “I don’t feel right about this, but…I’ll stay for you.”
“Thank you,” she replied appreciatively and gave him a light kiss.
“If you change your mind, say the word, and I’ll pack up again.”
“Deal.”
“Can I take you back to my place tonight? Is that okay?”
“Yes, Tim, nothing about us has to change just because we stay on the show. We can still spend our off camera days together however we want. How about I bring a dress to wear tomorrow? You said you like dresses for easier access.” She hoped feeling the passion between them would be good for the health of their relationship despite the hiccup.
“I don’t want to overstep.”
“You’re not overstepping. I want us to keep being us. I don’t want you to have to question every little thing.”
“But you have doubts.”
“Time will prove I have nothing to worry about, right?”
“I know it will. I’ll keep giving you roses to show you I choose you, and I hope you keep choosing me.” She nodded in agreement, and he kissed her forehead. “I’ll bring the car over here and wait until you’re done with headcount.”
His disappointment was easy enough to see, and she hated that she was the one that brought on the feeling. Lucy offered him a gentle kiss and another, and then she snuck back onto the mansion’s grounds right where Wes was waiting for her. “I did what Noah asked,” she reported unhappily.
“Which is what exactly?”
“You don’t know?”
“No, but I’m guessing it has to do with the announcement he gave all of the other contestants while you were with Tim.”
“What announcement?”
“He said he wants to see everyone throw themselves at Tim more than they have been. He said that even though Tim made that speech during the pool party about you, his mind could be changed if the other women try harder to win.”
“Tim isn’t a prize. He’s a human being.”
“Making it a game engages people’s competitive nature, which makes for great T.V..”
“We should’ve left the show like we planned,” she muttered.
Gasping, Wes’ eyes widened, “You were going to leave?”
“Yeah.”
“Holy shit! You can’t leave! Noah will destroy both of you.”
“I know. That’s why I’m still here.”
“Was he going to get your badge taken away or something?”
“No, I wouldn’t have cared if Noah wanted to retaliate against me, but he threatened me with…,” she swallowed, “I can’t let him hurt Tim.”
“You must really love him,” he teased to which Lucy froze, making him gasp again. “You do love him!”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“I have to tell Angela. She’s my girlfriend.”
“Fine, you can tell Angela, but no one else.”
“Do you think he loves you, too?”
“I know he does, well, he did. I might’ve hurt him enough that he doesn’t feel that way anymore.”
“Love doesn’t suddenly evaporate because of one conversation.”
She took stock of all of the new cracks in her heart due to how she wounded Tim and responded, “I hope you’re right.”
Noah eyed Lucy as she returned to the mansion. He commenced headcount and paused for a second longer when he counted her. She looked upset. He got his way, so he smirked at her.
She wanted to scream at him, or punch him, or do anything she could to inflict a fraction of the pain she felt because she wounded Tim, but hurting Noah would have only made her feel better for a second whereas bringing a smile back to Tim’s face would ease the ache both of them were experiencing. Lucy changed quickly, packed some clothes, and snuck out of the building as quickly as she could, and then she barreled into Tim’s awaiting arms that were thankfully still open for her.
He took his time squeezing her and inhaling her scent before withdrawing and climbing into his car where she took his hand and cozied up to him on the bench seat. Her silence was loud; she was not unaffected by their decision to remain on the show, which gave him some peace of mind. Tim watched as she made herself at home in his temporary home that he hated when she was not around, but the fact that she had not uttered a single word since asking them to stay on the show made him uneasy. He set his toothbrush down and looked at her in the bathroom mirror. After exhaling, he noted, “You haven’t talked at all since headcount. Can you please say something?”
“You could’ve said something, too,” she shot back.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Start by saying that you’re mad at me, or get upset, or something! All you’ve done is be understanding and nice when I totally ruined our plans, and I feel like shit that I know I’ve hurt you, and you won’t even give me grief about it.”
“How can I give you grief when I get it? If we run away, we’ll make national news for ruining a season of the most popular reality show, so we better hope we know what we’re doing. You’re clearly not as sure as I am, and does that suck? A little,” he admitted with a wry smile. “But I’ll get over it.”
“I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“How sorry are you?” Tim asked with a playful lilt in his voice.
“Depends. What do you have in mind?”
Tim pretended to think as he drew her against his chest, but he already knew what he wanted. “I would like to take you on a date tomorrow.”
“Where?”
“I’m not telling you.”
“What should I wear?”
“Anything you want.”
“Why? Because you plan on taking my clothes off of me anyways?”
“No, that’s not what I meant.”
“But you wouldn’t say no,” she presumed coyly.
“When will your period be over?”
“In a couple days. Probably just in time for another date.”
“Oh,” he grinned, his plans changing, then he paused, “I’m not asking to pressure you. I was just curious.”
“I know, and I really like that you want to know when you can take my clothes off. Sorry to report that you won’t be taking anything off of me tonight.”
He felt his lips twitch downwards before he could control his expression. “I get it.”
“No, you really don’t.” She stepped out of his embrace and walked out of the bathroom. In the hallway, she met his gaze and pushed down her leggings then kicked them all the way off of her legs where she abandoned them. Lucy took a few more paces and shrugged off her shirt.
Tim followed her into his bedroom where she sat down on the bed and reached behind her for the clasp of her bra, continuing to make a show of undressing. He practically pounced on her with a smile before her breasts were even freed. The way she laughed against his mouth gave him reassurance that he could, in fact, make her happy, and they were certainly still in a good place.
She loved his enthusiasm in the form of the glint in his eye when he climbed onto her and how his hands greedily grabbed for her. They both needed some time where they shut their brains off, stopped talking, and let their bodies express themselves truthfully and with all of the love they shared that could not be communicated effectively in the moment. When he bent down to lick the side of her neck, she redirected his face. “Kiss me,” she requested.
He knew why she wanted him to. He knew that she needed to feel that their passion had not been snuffed out because of a minor relationship setback. “I’d kiss you forever, baby,” Tim said lowly with as much vulnerability in his gaze as he could muster.
Lucy made a happy sound before caressing his lips. Though they did not spend forever with their lips fused together and their bodies and spirits wrapped up in each other, it was long enough to feel that despite not running away, they had a bright future.
༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝ ꫂ ၴႅၴ ༝
When Lucy woke up in the morning, she expected to feel Tim against her the way they had fallen asleep together, but when she did not register him beside her, she blindly felt around on the mattress for him, and when her hands registered that she was alone, her eyes flew open, and she began to panic. Feeling exposed and worried, she covered her bare chest and walked out of the bedroom where she could easily scan the living room and kitchen. She opened every door, even the one for the laundry closet, and could not find him. Her heart fractured yet again.
She felt abandoned. She felt like even after they reconnected the night before, it was not enough, and Tim left her.
Lucy returned to his bedroom and pulled one of his sweatshirts over her head before scrambling to collect the clothes she had worn to his house the night before. After jumping back into her leggings, she went to the front door, swung it open, and then practically ran into a wall of muscle.
Tim.
She knew it was Tim even before she found his eyes.
“W-were you trying to slip out without saying goodbye?” He asked, the pain clear in his voice.
“I thought you left.”
“Yeah, to go to the farmer’s market to pick up groceries. I wanted to be back before you woke up, but I guess I screwed up.”
“Oh,” she breathed.
“Come with me to the kitchen.” He went to set the bags down on the counter then comforted her with a hug. “I’m sorry,” he whispered against her head.
“I think we’re both a little…tense,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “Can we reschedule our date for the next day off? I think we need to spend the day doing nothing together.”
“Nothing sounds perfect.” He was thrilled with the idea of curling up with her on the couch and holding her for hours on end; he was looking forward to taking her on a date, but an emotional reset for the day seemed ideal. “Nothing can start after breakfast.”
“What kind of eggs are you making me this morning?”
“You’ll just have to wait and find out. First, I have to take you back for headcount.”
She pouted. “I don’t want to go.”
“You won’t be gone long.”
“Long enough,” she complained and glommed onto him.
He hid his smile in her hair when she sat in his lap for the drive to the mansion and then refused to budge after they parked. “Baby, you’ll be late.”
“Fuck Noah,” she grumbled.
“If you fuck him, I really don’t think this relationship will work.”
She giggled. “That’s not even a good joke. He disgusts me.”
“Good, so I have nothing to worry about.”
“I think Gerald is a bigger threat than Noah.”
“Gerald? The goat?”
Lucy laughed.
“You think you’re funny, huh? Take your funny ass inside for headcount.”
“I can’t leave yet.”
“Do you want to make any other bad jokes?”
“No, but I do want a kiss.” She bunched one of her hands in his shirt to bring him down to her.
Tim loved that it was never just one kiss goodbye; she would start with one and then go back to him for another and sometimes a third to summon the strength to part ways for even a few minutes.
Lucy very impatiently stood in the living room for headcount and flashed an angry look at Noah when he counted her, but she did not dare to say a word to him. Instead, she rushed back to Tim standing outside against his car and reported, “I hate Noah.”
“What did he do now?”
“Nothing, but I can’t stand him.”
“Yeah, neither can I. He stopped by my place before the rose ceremony and told me who I’m going on one on one dates with this week. I didn’t really fight for you to go on one of the dates with me, because I thought we were leaving, so it didn’t matter.”
“It’s fine. He won’t let you pick me every week anyways.”
“Maybe not, but I’ll pick you every week.” She made a happy noise that brought a smile to his face. “Alright, I’ve got breakfast to make for you,” he said to which she barely released her grip as she followed him to the driver’s side of the car and dropped into his lap. “Luce,” he murmured her name instead of reaching for the ignition. “I know you’re sorry about asking me to stay.”
She kept her face against his neck and her arms around his midsection instead of looking into his eyes. “I really am.”
“You should also know I’m not going to run away from the show without you. I’ll be here because you’re here, or I’ll leave if you leave.”
Lucy was worried about the look on his face when she bravely sat up in his lap to stare at him, but aside from a twinge of pain, he had the usual adoration in his eyes that always shone for her. “This morning, I thought you woke up and realized that you’re not okay with staying, and I-I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m the one worried about losing you, but I’ll do anything I can to get rid of your doubts about us.”
She wanted to tell him that her real doubt was in herself to have fallen in love so hard and so fast unlike anything she had experienced before, which was incredibly inconceivable, so it must have been a testament to her losing her mind, but since Tim felt the same way, they seemed to have lost their minds together, which made the idea of going insane far more romantic. “Don’t think about my doubts. Think about being with me when we’re together and the other contestants when you’re with them.”
“Do you know what I thought about during my date with Nell? We don’t really talk about my dates with the other women, because I know you don’t want to hear it, but you’ll want to hear this- I kept thinking about how I needed to see you, and not because I couldn’t wait to quit the show with you, even though that was part of it, but I needed to see you.”
“You missed me?”
“I did.”
“Well, I missed you, too. Good thing we don’t have to miss each other today.”
“Lucky me.” Satisfied that she was happier and finally eased her fierce grip on him, Tim drove them back to his house. He set her down on the countertop then unloaded the groceries in a specific way to leave a special purchase for last. Tentatively, he removed the bouquet from the bag and offered them to her. “I asked the guy at the farmer’s market what each of the flowers he was selling was called. You know I don’t know a lot about flowers.” He ran the thumb of his free hand under her bottom lip and playfully added, “Except for tulips. I know a lot about tulips.”
She blushed at his cheesy joke. “You know a lot about these tulips, but I don’t think you’ve learned enough about the others.” She opened her legs wide to make her point.
“I can’t wait to get better acquainted and pick those, too,” he replied darkly then abandoned the bouquet on the counter to run his hands over her thighs but not quite getting to her center. “Do you plan on being bossy again next time? It’s kinda sexy, honestly, but I like when you can’t talk even more.”
“We’ll see what happens next time.”
“Hmm next time could be right now. We’ve got nothing to do today.” He finally cupped her mound over her leggings.
“I’m still on my period,” she reminded him. He drew circles with his middle finger over her nether lips, and that action alone made her want to shut her eyes and lean into his touch.
“You know I don’t care.”
“Our day of nothing is supposed to be very tame. Just talking and some cuddling.”
“If you change your mind, I’m on board.” He pulled his hand away her and remembered, “You made this dirty. I was in the middle of something.”
“You were in the middle of giving me flowers, which I’ll happily accept.” She went to take the bouquet, but he covered her hand with his.
“Hang on. Let me get this out first. I took a long time at the farmer’s market, because I was Googling all of the flowers to find out what they mean.” He picked up the ones he had chosen and held them in the small space between them. “These are daffodils.”
“I’m impressed that you learned that.” She smiled.
“Daffodils can mean hope,” he explained quietly. “I hope that things between us can be good. I don’t want this show to get in the way of you and me being together. That’s why I wanted to run away with you in the first place.”
“I hope that no matter what happens, we don’t lose what we have. If you do fall for someone else-”
“That’s not gonna happen,” he cut her off.
“But if you do, I want you to tell me. Promise me you’ll tell me.”
“I promise.”
She pecked him in thanks.
“You are all I care about right now, and being with you is all I’m hoping for,” he assured her. “So, Lucy, will you accept these daffodils?”
“Absolutely.” She would have accepted any flower for him but to know that his most recent offering was one to symbolize hope brought on a slew of emotions.
He was happy to accept his appreciation kisses in return but only for a few moments, because he had something else he needed to do. “You put those in water. I’ll start on breakfast.”
She busied herself with filling a vase with water, removing the plastic wrapped around the bouquet, then trimming the stems before putting the daffodils on display in the vase. She set them down on the kitchen table so they could be admired over breakfast when she realized something. Lucy noticed that the smell of eggs was not wafting in her nose, so she paid attention to what Tim was doing. “Babe, what are you making?”
“Pancakes,” he responded simply as he mixed the last ingredients into the batter.
“You’re making me pancakes?” She tried to read his body language, but he was turned away from her, so it was hard to discern.
“Don’t be so surprised. You’ve asked for them a million times. I wanted you to know I listen to you. You shouldn’t have doubts about that.”
Just when she thought her heart was done splintering, another audible crack echoed out of her chest. “I know you listen to me.”
He was trying to focus on pouring batter into the pan instead of looking at her. As much as he wished he had moved past the sting of her deciding not to run away with him, Tim remained somewhat wounded. “I don’t usually…I keep things bottled up,” he admitted then set the mixing bowl with batter down. Far too dedicatedly, he watched the first pancake cook on the stovetop as it was the only way he knew he could be honest with her. “I don’t want to bottle things up with you. Well, it’s hard to, because you’re so easy to talk to, and you always listen. I’ve tried to, anyways, but it’s not working, so I have to tell you what’s going through my head right now.”
She took several paces to stand right behind him and set a hand on his back for support.
Of course she found a way to make him feel cared for in a vulnerable moment; her gesture brought a small smile to his face. “I know I’ll get over it like I told you, but I’m not there yet. We’ve said it before, but in case you forgot, you mean a lot to me. I’m taking our relationship seriously.”
Lucy felt his pause after that. It stretched longer and longer, so she decided to chime in, “I am, too.”
“You deserve my honesty.” He flipped the pancake over. “It’s bad enough you aren’t sure enough about us that we can’t quit the show, but I hate that you’re asking me to try dating anyone else when all I think about is you.”
“The whole point of this show-”
“I know what the whole point of the show is,” he said with an edge to his voice. “I don’t give a shit about the point of a dumb reality show.” He huffed; unburdening himself, even when he was not looking at her, proved to be more difficult than he expected, but he had to finish what he had started. The first pancake was done, so he removed it from the pan before restarting the process for the next one. “Angela told me to be open minded. I can’t do it.”
“You have to try.”
“Why is it so important to you that I try?”
“There are so many great women here. Don’t you think you owe it to yourself to be sure you make the right choice?”
“See,” he said and frustratedly turned over a pancake. “That doesn’t make any sense. What rational person, especially one that’s always watching how I talk to everyone else, would actually push me to date twenty-three women at once?”
“There are fourteen of us now,” she corrected him.
“Whatever. The only person that wants me to be with all of them…” He almost dropped the flipper in his hand as he spun around to face her. “Noah,” he realized. “Noah put you up to this.”
“Tim…”
“He did, didn’t he?”
“Tim…”
“You don’t actually want me to be with anyone else, do you?”
“I…I can’t tell you.” Her eyes darted over to the pan. “Don’t burn breakfast.”
He made quick work of finishing the second pancake and momentarily turned off the stovetop to give her his undivided attention. “You said all of that yesterday because of Noah.”
“Stop smiling.” She watched his whole expression change, and as much as she loved it, she could not give away the secret.
“You want me all to yourself, don’t you,” he presumed gladly.
“I didn’t say that. I told you to consider all of the contestants.”
“You’re lying,” he accused with a grin.
“Listen to me. We have to stay on the show no matter what, and you have to show interest in the other girls.”
“Why?”
“Please, do it for me.”
“Did Noah say something to you?”
“I’m supposed to be the one to convince you to-”
“To go through the process? Yeah, that’s what you said last night. I can’t believe Noah is trying to get between us. Fuck him.”
“If you fuck him, I really don’t think this relationship will work,” she repeated his words back to him teasingly.
He chuckled. “I have to finish making you breakfast, and then you can tell me everything.”
“I won’t. Let me keep this secret for now.”
“Why?”
“Trust me.”
He read the pain in her eyes just like the night before. “Okay,” he murmured soothingly. “You don’t have to say anything, but you do have to sit down. I don’t want you distracting me while I cook.”
She hopped onto the counter next to the stove and stared at him as he worked on their pancakes. Lucy was practically salivating by the time a plate of chocolate chip pancakes was placed onto the kitchen table for her.
Tim patiently sat beside her and waited to eat until she had her first bite to see her reaction, which was a moan and a smile. “You like them?”
“Very good,” she complimented him before taking him by the chin and guiding him close to her for a kiss. “But I like how you taste better.”
“I told you my pancakes aren’t that good.”
“No, they’re the best I’ve ever had, and so are you.”
“The best you’ve ever had? You haven’t even had all of me yet.”
Her blood whooshed; everything physical they had shared had been amazing, and she could not even fathom how further explorations would feel like, but she knew she wanted it, and she was close to being ready for another step. “Soon, babe, soon.”
As happy as he was to hear about her promise, he was even happier that everything about their relationship made sense again. She insisted on wearing his clothes for the rest of the day, would not let him out of her arms for more than a few minutes while they lounged on his couch, and kept kissing him more than once at a time like their goodbyes; Lucy made it clear she needed physical reassurance that their relationship was okay, and he wanted to show her in every possible way that they were fine. Still, when he drove her back to the mansion for her nightly headcount, Tim felt compelled to keep her molded into his side and say, “We’re good. I know you can’t tell me exactly what’s going on, but I know what matters. I can tell Noah forced your hand. He can have his way. We won’t quit the show. I don’t know what to do about the other women here, but that’s a problem for tomorrow.”
“Who do you have a one on one date with tomorrow?”
“Bailey.”
“She’s beautiful.”
“You’re even more beautiful.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to say that.”
“It’s true.” He kissed her temple. “I love…I love everything about being with you. You know that.” That was the closest he could manage to say to the truth about the depths of his feelings.
“Still?”
“Yeah, still. I wouldn’t stay in this hellscape for just anybody.”
“Thank you for opening up earlier. I really appreciate that you eventually stopped bottling up your feelings about this.”
“Who knew opening up could feel so good?”
“Literally everyone.”
“Well, it’s new for me.”
“I like that you’re really trying with me, and again, I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing. I’m fine now.”
She moved to straddle his lap and meet his gaze. “I didn’t mean it. I don’t have doubts about us. Sure, it’s fast, and I totally think I’ve gone insane, but I’m sure I want to be with you. I was packed. I would’ve left with you last night if it weren’t for Noah, and whatever he said to keep us here doesn’t matter.”
“You were packed?” Lucy nodded in confirmation, and he cupped her cheek. “You would’ve run away with me?”
“I accepted your dandelion, didn’t I?”
“B-but you seemed so...”
“No, I said what you needed to hear. I’m not even supposed to be telling you any of this, but you have to hear this: I would do anything for you. I’ll stay on this ridiculous show and watch other women fawn over you. I’ll even walk away if you find someone better, but I really hope you don’t. Selfishly, I want to drive off into the sunset next to you when this season wraps.”
“I want that, too. I would understand if you weren’t sure about us, though. Out of everything you said, that part was believable.”
Lucy shook her head. “I was packed.”
“You were packed,” he said with awe, still wrapping his head around that fact.
“I was. I mostly still am.” She checked the clock in the car and frowned. “I have to go to headcount. I’ll see you here tomorrow night after your one on one date.” Lucy captured his lips and pulled back only to kiss him again. When she got out of the car, she leaned over the driver’s side door to give him a peck.
“That’s three,” he mumbled.
“What?”
“I keep count of how many times you kiss me goodbye before actually leaving. The average is two, but sometimes, it’s three or four.”
“Oh, I didn’t even realize I did that.”
“I’m not complaining. I like it.”
She hummed as she went back to him for a fourth, quick kiss, and a fifth longer and softer one. “Okay, I’m really leaving. Bye, babe.”
He watched her slip back beyond the fence to re-enter the Bachelor Mansion with a grin; nothing else about the night before mattered, because she packed, and then she accepted his daffodils; he was certain he had nothing to worry about.
Except for Noah.