Work Text:
Switchblade
"Hey, what's a nice young quarian girl like you doing out by yourself?"
"Oh, Keelah," Tali'Zorha muttered under her breath. "And today had been going so well..."
And it really had been up to that point, as she was out doing two of the things she enjoyed the most: looking at tech and spending time with Shepard. After destroying the Collector base, he had made the decision to port on Illium for the entire week to allow the crew some R and R. Though, by his admittance, it was mostly because their former friend and crew mate Liara T'Soni had contacted him for help in an "Urgent Matter." Ever the Pragmatic, Shepard had decided to allow everyone some time off and that Illium was a – mostly – safe choice. They were, as the human saying went, "killing two birds with one stone."
With a curfew set in place and a last-minute warning consisting of, "For God's sake, don't sign anything," Shepard allowed them to go about their business. Once everyone had dispersed, all that was left was her and Shepard, and it wasn't long after that the two of them began wandering the marketplace as they spent time together.
They had made their love for one another known and had made it "Official" before they had assaulted the Collector's base. The thought of which always made her heart flutter in joy while also making her feel... other feelings that weren't appropriate to say aloud in public. Or aboard the ship, as she embarrassingly learned when she shared a little too much about their bedroom affairs and, well, let's say that she had never seen Donnelly shocked speechless or that Gabby could turn such a deep shade of red. And that Jack apparently had excellent hearing because she went back and forth between laughing herself sick and teasing her about her "Kinky Times" with Shepard.
Aside from embarrassing herself and traumatizing others, Tali didn't regret a single moment of that night, and the following days of sickness were still totally worth it. And with the oncoming threat of the Reaper's eventual invasion, it was little moments like wandering around the markets with her boyfriend that Tali valued significantly. However, Tali had become so caught up in her thoughts regarding said boyfriend that she had walked into some of the less reputable parts of the Illium Markets...
"You look like you're looking for something specific. How about me and my friends here give you a helping hand?"
...And was confronted by several unsavory-looking batarians, who looked like they wanted to do much more than give her a "helping hand." Tali sighed internally; she didn't want to deal with these bosh'tets. Couldn't she go a single port without getting into some situation?
"You know, my friends and I have an 'in' with some of the merchants here and can work some deals that you won't get elsewhere. Why don't you come along with us, and we'll get you in with the right people?"
...Of course she couldn't; she was traveling with Shepard. She loved him to death, but the man was a magnet for attracting danger and conflict.
“So how about we get out of here and-”
"I think I'm going to have to pass on your offer," Tali answered, her tone flat as she didn't even bother to turn to address the three. It was nothing more than hopeful thoughts, but she hoped they took a straightforward "no" as an answer and buzzed off to whatever hole they crawled out of. She didn't want to cause a scene, nor did she want to have to change her suit filters so soon. The smell of blood always managed to linger through somehow, and she had finally managed to purge the smell of Collector blood from within her mask.
Alas, hopeful thoughts were called as such for a reason, and it seemed the three didn't appreciate her answer. The lead batarian, the one doing all the talking, balked at her casual dismissal.
"So quick to dismiss us?" he tried again, attempting to keep his tone friendly and casual. "Come on, we're just trying to show you around the place. Most people wouldn't turn down a free tour, you know?"
Tali sneered under her mask. Did he really think she would actually fall for that? It was said with such a veneer of slime that she was almost sure she would have to disinfect her entire suit once she was back on the Normandy. Keelah, he was so transparent that she didn't even think she would have fallen for such a line even back in her pilgrimage days with how blatantly ungenuine it was.
"Uh, wow, that's such a... kind offer." She said, trying her best to hide the disgust she was feeling right now. "But as I already said, I will have to pass. In fact, I should get back to my ship, I was only out here doing some last-minute browsing, and my crew is probably starting to get worried about me."
It was an obvious excuse, but Tali knew that. She had already resigned herself to the fact that things were about to get messy and was stalling for time. She slowly began to creep her hand back to where her Phalanx pistol was holstered on her side while keeping an eye on the thugs from her peripheral vision. Sure enough, her words only seemed to anger the lead batarian while his companions shared a cruel smile with each other. Judging from their reactions, Tali had a cold feeling that she wasn't the first person who had been a victim of their leader's poor pick-up lines. But she could say with sure confidence that she was going to be their last.
"You're not being very appreciative of my offer, quarian!" The batarian said in an accusing tone, his friendly facade finally dropping as his true nature surfaced.
At this, Tali finally turned to face the now-angered batarian. "I'm not? I didn't mean to offend you; that wasn't my intention."
'Yes, that's right. Keep all of your focus on my mask, you ugly bosh'tet.'
Her feigned apology only angered the four-eyed alien more while Tali's hand hovered above the grip of her pistol.
"You think an apology is going to be enough?" He shouted in a barely controlled rage. "You think you can just spit on my invitation and walk away?"
"There's a lot of things that I'm thinking about right now," Tali said, a firm grip now wrapped around the butt of her pistol. "And at the moment, they're not very nice thoughts if I have to be honest with you."
Her sarcastic response pushed him too far. With a snarl, he took a menacing step forward as he began reaching for his weapon.
“Think your funny Suit Rat? We'll see who's laughing when I-!”
“When you'll do what, exactly?”
A cold, questioning tone cut through the air, causing the batarian to turn his ire towards this new disturbance.
"And who the hell are you supposed to-?"
The batarians harsh tone died on his lips as he crooned his head up to meet the piercing stare of Nicholas Shepard boring into his four eyes. Fear gripped him as he stood face to face with the "Bane of Khar'shan," instinctively stepping back as his "fight or flight" senses kicked into overdrive at his presence. His sense of dread was shared between his fellow people, both tensing at the sight of Shepard as he coldly stared all three down. Tali smiled at the timely interruption, though she felt a twinge of disappointment at being unable to deal with her would-be perpetrators.
Then again, she might have called the situation too early. After all, the bodies usually didn't start piling until Shepard showed up. A tense silence ensued between both parties before Shepard began to move. All three batarians braced themselves for retaliation, only to react with confusion when Shepard merely snaked his arm around Tali's waist as he pulled her close to his side.
"Sorry about falling behind there, Tali." He began apologetically, his tone calm as he focused on the group before him. "I got distracted by a Salarian merchant trying to sweet talk me into endorsing his merchandise."
Tali relaxed as she allowed herself to be pulled close to her boyfriend's side, though she wisely kept her grip on her Phalanx just in case. She couldn't help but feel a hint of smug satisfaction at the very clear-cut message being put out in the open by Shepard's simple action. Tali also couldn't help but notice that Shepard had forgone his usual armor that he wore in favor of a more casual get-up. A pair of human jeans, worn leather boots, and an N7 Tank top clung to his muscular frame while displaying his assorted collection of tattoos running up and down both his arms. A shiver of delight passed through Tali as strong muscles pressed against her suit, and she wished they could be back in Shepard's cabin right now to do away with the final barrier between them.
'The tank top is nice, but it would look better on the floor, preferably alongside my suit.' She wistfully thought to herself before tilting her head to look at him.
“Sweet talk you, huh?” She asked with feigned curiosity.
"Unfortunately. Guess I can't go anywhere without someone trying to talk me into some task or favor."
"Well, can you really blame him? After all, what lucky merchant here wouldn't want their storefront to be 'Commander Shepard's' favorite store on Illium?"
Her teasing tone managed to get Shepard to briefly crack a smile, though he may as well have been baring his fangs among lambs to slaughter with how terrified the batarians looked.
"Well, when you put it that way." Shepard began to say as he finally broke his gaze to give Tali an affectionate look. "I guess I can't blame them too much. And those discounts do tend to be quite the tempting offer."
"Spoken like a true sellout, Shepard."
A brief chuckle escaped his lips before his gaze returned to the batarians.
"Well, gentlemen." Shepard began cordially. "This has been fun, but the lady and I have places to be, schedules to meet, yadda yadda, you know how it goes."
It was a casual dismissal, as if Shepard was saying his goodbyes to some old friends or shipmates. But beneath the calm veneer laid the true meaning behind his words.
Step down and walk away. Or else.
"Well, we should go," Shepard said with finality. "Ready, darling?"
"Ready, Shepard!" She cheerfully added, and two of them began turning to walk away. And if her would-be attackers shared a single brain cell of intelligence between the three of them, then they'd heed his warning and just let them go-
“You think you can just walk away?”
Tali had obviously become far too overconfident from their success in destroying the Collectors to think that this situation could have been resolved that easily. Shepard must have thought the same thing, judging by his exasperated sigh as he turned to address the shouting batarian leader. His face was contorted into an ugly grimace of malice, his four eyes narrowed in hate as he abandoned any reason in the moment. His friends tried to talk some sense into their enraged leader away to avoid making a scene.
"Just let it go, Selem! This isn't worth drawing attention to ourselves-"
"And let them walk away after making a fool of me?" The now-named Selem snarled out in a rage.
"I have to agree with your friend Selem," Shepard stated in a dry tone. "Though, it seems you're doing a fine job of making yourself look like a fool more than we are."
"Hmm, I don't know Shepard," Tali said, adding to the conversation. "He could stand to put in some more effort."
"Hmm, that's true; he could stand to do a little more yelling."
“And get some more creative insults. Suit Rat is so last century.”
Their added commentary only added fuel to the fire and finally drove Selem over the edge.
"I'm going to puncture your whore rat's suit and watch her bleed like an open sore Shepard!" He threatened aloud. "But not before I cripple you and force you to watch-"
And just as their words had been the last straw for Selem, his mounting threats towards her and Shepard had finally pushed Tali to her own limits. She lunged forward from Shepard's side and reached out to grab Selem's suit collar with an iron grip. Selems eyes widened in surprise at her sudden invasion of his personal space, and he was completely caught off guard by the alarming amount of strength she displayed that belied her more petite frame. Taking advantage of his distracted state, Tali pulled on his collar and brought him face to mask, so close that he could practically see the outline of her face beneath the opaque glass. Two pairs of burning silver stared into his shocked four, and before he could get a word in, a loud snap echoed through the air, and Tali was holding the tip of a razor-sharp switchblade beneath his throat.
"I've had it up to here with your empty threats and hotheaded whining, you genetic waste of space." Tali suddenly declared, her tone low and menacing as she stared hatefully into the eye of the now-frightened Selem. "We allowed you to walk away, and what did you do? Threw a temper tantrum and kept digging yourself into a hole like the dumb bosh'tet you are!"
Selem tried to utter something, only to be cut off when Tali dug the knife deep enough into his neck to draw blood. Selem knew he had made a mistake then and there, and what he had thought would have been an easy mark that he could con or intimidate turned out to be the most dangerous mistake he might have ever made.
"So go ahead, Selem, I dare you or your idiot minions to make a move towards us. Because the only thing that will be punctured and bleeding out like an open sore is your throat if you try!"
A deafening silence followed as Tali's threat rang loudly throughout the marketplace. Selem was petrified in fear, daring not to move even a single muscle lest Tali decided to go through with rupturing his throat. His men dared not to move either, in fear of their boss meeting his demise and because of possible retaliation from Shepard should either one try to make their move. They were stuck between a rock and a hard place, and all three knew it. Both parties stared each other down in a tense silence-
“Uh...Tali?”
-Until it was broken by a concerned-sounding Shepard as he looked upon the blade in her hand with a baffled look.
"Yes, Shepard?" Tali answered distractedly, her steel-melting glare still focused on the now-sweating Selem.
“How long have you had that for?”
“Had what for?”
"The wicked-looking switchblade you have lined up against our intellectually challenged friend's throat."
"Oh, this?" Tali said, her tone flipping from "Actively hostile" to her usual enthusiasm when explaining things. "I've actually had it for a bit but haven't gotten a chance to use it in the field till now."
"Wait, you've had it for a while now?" He asked as he leaned forward to get a better look at the blade. It was a double-edged blade made of decent quality steel and clearly razor sharp. Shepard was surprised to note that it had wooden grips, which was quite the rare sight to see for any weapon out in the galaxy, though he also quirked a brow when he also noted that Tali's namesake was laser engraved into both sides.
"For that matter, where did you even get this from anyway? As I recall, the only knife you have is the one strapped to your boot."
“Well, it's funny that you mention it, but I-”
“H-hey!” Selem sputtered out as he interrupted their discussion. “Don't pretend like I don't have a knife to my throat, and reign in your crazy suit rat women or-”
“I don't recall asking you anything or giving your permission to speak Selem." Tali sneered out before twisting the tip around to make him squirm. "Interrupt our conversation again, and I'll remove your lower wards instead, got it?”
Selem whimpered at the threat of having his manhood separated by the angered Quarian and wisely decided to stay quiet. Tali gave the batarian one last steely glare before returning to Shepard. "Now, what was I getting ready to say?"
"You were going to tell me how you came about the switchblade." Shepard reminded helpfully, lighting up a cigarette he had pulled out of his case while Tali threatened Selem again.
"Oh, right! So, do you remember all the way back during our quest to find Saren when Wrex would pull me to the side from time to time to teach me how to use my shotgun more proficiently?"
"I do, as a matter of fact," Shepard answered. He took in a deep, long drag before exhaling with a thoughtful look on his face. "Though I mostly recall the screaming and swearing that echoed throughout the hangar bay whenever said practice would occur."
"It's not our fault that Ashley didn't move out of the way when Wrex shouted at her to 'dodge.'" Tali said with a shrug. "Besides, she was wearing her armor and had her shielding active at the time, so it's not like the Carnage shot would have seriously hurt her anyway."
“You're never going to let what she said to me on Horizon go, are you?”
"So, as I was saying." Tali continued on, pointedly ignoring Shepard's question. "During my training, Wrex mentioned he was concerned about my distinct lack of a backup weapon I could just whip out in case either my shotgun or handgun became compromised and suggested I look into one as a backup."
“Ah, let me guess?” Shepard began with a smile. “He suggested that the most suitable thing for a nice young girl like yourself would be a Krogan war hammer?”
"It's honestly scary that you know him well enough to know that's exactly what he said," Tali stated in a dry tone, causing Shepard to laugh before continuing her story. "But yes, he did suggest that. And while I obviously declined, I took his words to heart and thought about it for a while before I eventually pushed it back into the back of my mind after we defeated Saren."
"It wasn't until our recent run-in with husks again back on the derelict reaper that I was reminded of our conversation and started looking back into it. I know we typically rely on our omni-blades in close quarters, but having something I could instantly draw from my side would be good to have anyway."
“Can't really argue with that logic.” Shepard nodded in consent to her words as he breathed in another drag. “But why a switchblade?”
“Well, you see-”
"Look, I'm sorry, okay?" Selem whimpered out as he was still being held at Tali's mercy. Any hostility he once had was replaced by cold fear at the two monsters that had taken him hostage, and he just wanted away from them. "I've learned my lesson and won't bother you or anyone else again! Please, just let me go, and you'll never see me or my boys ever-"
"Boys?" Shepard questioned with feigned curiosity, head tilted to the side as if he was confused by Selem's words. "Sorry to say this, Selem, but your boys left you in the lurch."
Sure enough, Selems goons had long since abandoned their boss, fear finally overriding loyalty as they left him to the mercies of the clearly psychotic couple. Selem blood would have been boiling with rage if it weren't for the fact he was currently being embraced by the cold grip of fear that clenched his entire being.
"Shame that you couldn't have gone with them, Selem. But I guess having a level head was never really one of your strong points, was it?"
“What? No! I-”
"You were being rude and cutting into our conversation," Shepard stated with a tone of finality, cutting off whatever Selem was going to say before leaning forward with a cold look. "And if you do it again, Tali and I are about to share a 'couples bonding' session as I teach her all the best ways to carve you up like a roasted varren."
Selem quieted down, cowed into submission by Shepard's lingering threat. Shepard shot him one last frosty glare before gesturing for Tali to continue her story.
“Go on?”
“Right, getting the knife.” Tali began, ignoring the now sobbing Selem she still had at her mercy. “So I had actually been giving it some thought when I noticed Jack playing with a one as she was ascending from her usual hiding spot.”
"Of course, Jack would have one," Shepard muttered aloud, not even remotely surprised at her owning such a weapon.
"My curiosity was piqued, and I questioned her more about it. To my surprise, she was forthcoming about the blade and was eager to show me the best ways to use it.
'Hmm, so that's why Miranda keeps finding all her catsuits and uniforms sliced up.' Shepard thought to himself as he resolved to have a long talk with the troubled biotic over respecting one's personal items. Shepard huffed an annoyed sigh before getting back on track with the conversation.
"So you met with Jack about it, and she, what, just had a spare one that you could just have?"
“Surprisingly? No.”
Shepard blinked, that was not the answer he was expecting to hear.
"While Jack was eager to show me 'the ropes,' as she put it, she unfortunately didn't have a spare one to part with."
Tali muttered something about Jack being a "little too eager" under her breath while Shepard still pondered where she had gotten the blade from.
“Well, if you didn't get it from Jack, then who did you get it from?”
“Zaeed.”
"For God's sake, of course you would have gotten one from Zaeed." Shepard groused loudly, rolling his eyes as he took another drag.
"Wait, back up a second," Shepard said as a sudden thought popped into his head. "You said that you learned about the blade from Jack, but that Zaeed gave you one?"
"Yup!" Tali happily exclaimed. "Jack figured out of everyone on the ship to have one handy, he'd be the one. So we paid him a visit, and I had barely gotten a word in about it before Zaeed loudly proclaimed, 'About God damn time you did something about that issue of yours, Tali!'"
Shepard had to bite back a laugh at Tali's attempted effort at replicating Zaeed's accent, ignoring as Selem gasped in terror at the mention of the infamous mercenary name. Guess Shepard's name wasn't the only one to instill the fear of God out here in these parts.
"He shoved the thing in my hand and then taught me everything I needed to know about it." Tali began in a proud tone before listing everything she learned from his teachings. Said teachings consisted of the best ways to gut anyone stupid enough to mess with her and that he had apparently gone into vivid detail while doing it.
"For batarians, he said if you want them to scream in agony, you gotta start with their eyes and-"
Shepard wrinkled his nose in disgust as a pungent smell fouled the air before he eyed Selem with an unimpressed look. Selem had gone from being a would-be tough guy with a temper to a broken, blubbering shell that had soiled himself in fear. It was a pitiful sight, and at this point, Shepard finally decided to grant the batarian mercy. His decision made, Shepard finished the last puff of his cigarette, flicking the butt into a nearby recycle unit before cutting Tali off from explaining any more of Zaeeds "teachings."
“Okay darling, this has been fun and all.” He began to say before thumbing over at the now broken batarian. “But I think our friend here has suffered enough.”
"Are you sure about that, Shepard?" Tali questioned. "Because I think he could stand to hear some of the more 'in-depth' lessons I learned from Zaeed."
At the mention of hearing more of Zaeed's lessons, Selem had practically broken down then and there.
"Please, by the ancestors, I beg you to just let me go!" He cried out in desperation. "I'll do anything! I'll turn myself in for my crimes, turn over a new leaf, and even leave Illium and start a new, honest life! Just please, let me get away from this knife-wielding maniac!"
"...Yeah, I think he's had enough, Tali."
“Well, if you insist...”
And without warning, Tali gave Selem a hard shove before letting go of his collar, causing him to stumble backward before unceremoniously landing on his soiled behind. Uncaring of his embarrassed state, Selem wasted no time with his newfound freedom before he picked himself back up and began running away from the couple without even so much as looking back. They watched his retreating form grow smaller and smaller before finally disappearing into a distant crowd, never to see him again.
"Arrogant bosh'tet," Tali muttered under her breath before letting out a tired sigh. All she wanted to do was go on a date without interruptions. Was that too much to ask for? Was it too much to ask for no kind of sudden conflict to come out of nowhere or for some group of jerks trying to take their chances with them? Her line of thought was interrupted when Shepard leaned forward with a concerned look.
“You wanna talk about it?” He asked in a gentle tone.
"Just... wondering why we can't just get a moment of peace." Tali began, frustration laden in her voice. "We beat the Collectors, finally got some time to ourselves, and today was just going so well..."
Tali had trailed off as she began rambling, wringing her hands together as her frustrations began to boil over. Shepard only smiled in response before reaching forward to take her hands into his. The sudden contact was enough to break Tali out of her rambling as she looked up to see Shepard looking at her with a warm, understanding smile. Tali couldn't help but smile back as she felt the tension melt away from her before a wistful sigh escaped her lips.
"I just wanted a perfect day with you, Nick. No fighting. No Running around. Just... you and I, together."
Shepard nodded in understanding before a smirk worked its way onto his face. "Are you saying tormenting would-be thugs isn't considered spending quality time together?"
"That's barely any different than what we normally do, Nick." She shot back in a dry tone, though it was tinged with amusement. They both shared a quiet laugh between each other before Shepard resumed speaking.
"But I understand, Tali, I do." He said as he used his thumbs to rub the back of her hands soothingly. "And unfortunately, things are only going to get worse before they get better, which means we'll have less and less time before we face the inevitable."
A frown briefly marred Shepard's face as he thought of Harbinger and what would come before he gave her another warm smile. "But it's fine because you wanna know why?"
At this, Shepard leaned forward so that his forehead touched the top of her mask. And as wide silver eyes met warm green, Shepard quietly said to her sincerely. "Because any time I get to spend with you is a perfect day in my eyes."
Tali's heart fluttered with uncontrolled joy at Shepard's loving words, and she gripped his hands tightly. She was almost sure he could see her blushing with how close he was to her mask, but Tali couldn't care less. She sighed in contentment before shooting him a coy look. "You have a way with words, you know that?"
"What can I say, darling? It's a gift." Shepard answered with a smirk before a moment of realization crossed his face as if he had just remembered something important. Tali gave him a curious look, only to be met with a beaming smile as he went to speak again.
"Do you remember how I said I had gotten distracted by a merchant trying to sweet-talk me earlier?" He asked her, causing her some confusion at the sudden change in subject.
“I do, but what does that have to do with-”
"Because there never was a merchant." He quickly explained. "I just said that because I needed a cover story. I was actually taking a call from Liara to finalize the details of the gift she had gotten for us."
Tali blinked, completely caught off guard by this sudden development. A gift? For them? That involved some secrecy from Shepard?
"...What kind of gift?' She asked, truly at a loss as to what it could be and how it involved them.
"Well, I'm so glad you asked!" Shepard happily replied. "So, while I was in the middle of getting the details on Liara's situation, I decided to take the chance to ask her for a favor."
"And that favor involved, well..." He trailed off for a moment before giving her a coy look. "Do you know that Illium has some incredibly nice hotel rooms you can book? Ones that come with certain... benefits to them?”
It had taken Tali a moment to grasp what Shepard was trying to imply, only to gasp in realization of what he was suggesting.
“You asked Liara if she could get us a Sterilized hotel room?” She asked in an incredulous tone, causing Shepard to bark out a laugh at her outburst before he gave her another beaming smile.
"I did ask her," he said with a tone of confidence. "And she was more than happy to oblige my request and then some."
"Because she didn't just get us a room for the night. She got us a room for the entire week."
Tali was glad that she had her mask on; otherwise, Shepard would have been greeted with the sight of her jaw on the floor. A single night was more than she could have asked for, but a whole week? Hotels already were costly on Illium, but then when you factor in the cost of daily sterilization? Tali knew that Liara was deeply involved in the ongoings of Illium and had some significant pull, but to be able to pull off something like that?
"Don't ask me how she did it, Tali," Shepard said as if sensing her thoughts. "All I know is that she said she'd 'talk to some people here and there' and call me when the rooms were ready for us. And it's for the best that we try not to put too much thought into it.”
"But the best part of it all? Our stay starts tonight, and I just turned all responsibilities of the ship over to Miranda for the week while we enjoy our time to ourselves.”
"So, with all that said, would you care to join me for a week of passion and desire, Miss Vas Normandy?"
At that moment, Tali decided that today was a perfect day after all.