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maria ruiz had had a crush on gloria mendoza for so fucking long that sometimes it felt hopeless. she wasnt quite sure if it started before she gave birth to pepa but she knew that after she came back from that hospital and gloria had been the first and basically only person that had consistently been there to take care of her she noticed it.
gloria made sure maria wasnt alone every chance she got. everything they could possibly do together they did. gloria made sure she recovered well, always saved her a seat at mealtimes, basically just dragged her along to wherever shed go next. maria didnt complain. she didnt really feel like it anyways. she didnt really feel like doing much other than just sleeping all day or following gloria to wherever her little heart desired. so it worked out pretty well for maria. and somewhere amongst it all, maria began to feel something again.
gloria was like a ray of sunshine peeking through the grey clouds of prison to maria. whenever maria was feeling low, she'd think about whatever trek gloria had taken her on that day and it would make her feel just a little bit better. dont get her wrong shit still sucked. they were still stuck there and that wouldnt be changing anytime soon. but at least with gloria around, it made maria's day to day a little bit brighter.
a couple months had passed since pepa was born and gloria had unwillingly gained control of the kitchen. the beef between red and vee was stressing her out and maria wished she could do more for her. between las estúpidas fuckin shit up at least once a day and the others just chillin on the job, maria felt some days she was the only other sane person in the kitchen alongside gloria.
sometimes she would think about what it would be like to have something more with gloria. sometimes she would imagine that the time they spent together meant something special to the older woman. sometimes she wondered if she was misinterpreting the lingering touches shared between them.
gloria trusted maria the most out of anyone in the kitchen and while it was an irritating job, she found pride in being the first person gloria turned to when she needed. maria felt glee over being chosen over aleida. its not like aleida was the sharpest knife in the kitchen to begin with. most of them did the bare minimum to get through the day and aleida didnt like gross things. maria didnt mind getting her hands dirty and gloria liked that she showed some kind of initiative even if it was the kitchen. but hey, kitchen duty was better than being stuck in the bathrooms.
the beef between the ghetto and spanish harlem was getting more tense as the days passed. maria cold see gloria was trying to keep her shit together, but at the pressure of aleida, she finally snapped towards vee. the meeting was private but maria was sneaky and just outside the bathroom she could hear it all.
"gloria, i was hoping we could be friends."
maria heard the thud of a body against a stall and winced. she knew gloria was wholly capable of defending herself but she was also smaller than vee and of course maria worried.
"you wanna fuck with me? you dont wanna fuck with me."
"i gave you cigarettes."
"and i gave you cake. but that dont mean that we're friends. and those cigarettes? they were fucking stale.
"listen, can we just talk about this like responsible-"
"no, no, no, no, no. im not talking to you. im telling you. if any of your girls touches any of mine, theres gonna be more than salt in your food next time."
"gloria-"
"you understand me?"
maria was ready to step in at a moments notice but knew if she was caught there could be dire consequences for gloria. as the tense conversation turned to pleading, maria hoped for the best and went back to her cube before she was caught by one of vee's girls.
by the time gloria got back to spanish harlem, maria had briefly dozed off. it wasnt till she felt a presence watching her that she noticed gloria was resting her head on crossed arms on the outside of maria's cubicle partition and looking at her.
"coño, que susto."
gloria straightened up hastily and smoothed the front of her shirt.
"ah- perdon i didnt realize you were awake."
maria looked at her with a puzzled expression.
"you do know that makes it like so much creepier, right?"
gloria's mouth opened and closed trying to come up with something to say that didnt further the creep factor of her watching maria sleep.
"me calmas."
now it was maria's turn to have no clue what to say. at least not to that. she shifted so that she was sitting on her bed and patted the spot next to her for gloria to sit to which gloria gladly complied.
"howd the conversation with vee go?"
"i dont trust her. but i want my girls to be safe so i agreed with her to get the rest of ours in the kitchen."
maria hmmd and nodded as gloria told her all about what happened. she didnt need to know that maria had been waiting for her just in case something bad might have gone down. besides, maria enjoyed listening to gloria speak and hoped their moments together would never end.
but as rotten luck would be, gloria glanced up at the clock and sighed.
"alright cmon, mama," she patted maria's knee and squeezed gently, "we gotta go get dinner started."
in another lifetime, maria imagined gloria telling her those words in the comfort of freedom and a shared home. it scared her just how sickeningly domestic she wished the two could be.
maria wanted to grab gloria's hand and intertwine their fingers together. her hand was right there still on maria's knee. if she just went for it- and then gloria gave her one last gentle squeeze and retracted her hand as she stood up. the warmth although gone, lingered through maria's khakis and she cursed to herself in her head.
it was kinda embarrassing that she kept a little notepad filled with scribbles in it. not that scribbling was embarrassing, daya did plenty of it. it was the contents of maria's scribbles that were the actual embarrassing parts. if any of the other girls saw them theyd laugh right at her face and toss it to gloria. who would probably then read what it said with confusion and look at maria different or funny or some shit.
but maria couldnt help writing their names together and doodling little hearts and stars and flowers. she liked the sound of maria mendoza. gloria ruiz wasnt too bad either but she really liked maria mendoza more.
"what are you all smiling about?"
of course daya happened to arrive. her bunkie was generally pretty quiet on her own so it startled maria out of her crush hazed world.
"youre not the only one that takes comfort out of scribbling within these beige walls."
"i dont scribble. i draw."
"whatever. and im over here painting soggy clocks. mind your fucking business, chismosa."
dayas expression looked like one of a kicked puppy, "okay. damn." as she made an arm gesture of defeat. she knew daya just wanted to hang out. flaritza got on her nerves sometimes and any moment longer than a minute with the older diaz was hell for the younger. still. daya had killed her buzz.
"ugh," maria stood up and locked her notebook away in her locker then put her boots on and exited their cube, "dont follow me."
maria wandered the halls for a while before ending up just outside the library. none of the other latinas except for blanca ever spent their time there so she knew it was a good place to hide out for a couple hours.
while maria was pacing in the hall outside the library, gloria was having her own dilemma within it.
"-she caught me staring at her yesterday and said it was creepy. what if im just some viejita wierdo to her? what if im not actually crushing on her?"
poussey looked at her with bewilderment. from the rant gloria had gone on for the last five minutes, it sure as hell seemed like gloria had more than just a crush.
"do you think about her when shes not around? do you wonder about how her day is going?"
gloria contemplated poussey's words. "well yeah. but like i think about all my girls like that. i worry about all of them."
"okay but do you wanna kiss her?"
blood flushed up to gloria's cheeks.
"amongst other things... yeah."
"jesus. okay i coulda answered your question like four minutes ago but watching you go on about how pretty maria is and how intelligent and funny and talented she is was really cute. seeing old lady love is adorable."
gloria frowned. that was another thing she was worried about. what if maria thought she was too old to even be seen in a romantic capacity?
"you think she'd think im too old for her?"
"youre serious right now? gloria, youre fine as fuck. who cares how old you are?"
gloria shuffled her feet, looking down at the way the light reflected off the leather of her boots. she knew she had it. but maria- even though she wasnt even ten years younger(not that gloria knew that)- looked far younger than gloria did. she'd be lying if she wasnt insecure about how they would look together. but she was jumping way ahead of herself anyways.
"well not like it matters. its just a crush."
poussey looked at her again with an expression gloria didnt quite get. there was a long standing bet at that point between her, boo, nikki, and a couple of the other lady lovers that there was something a little more going on between gloria and maria. it kept them entertained. she was honestly surprised that their relationship hadnt progressed to more than they had speculated but was pleased that there was actually some grounds for all the gay shit people caught them doing.
"if you dont get outta here and stop disturbing me from my books ill tell her myself."
"tell who what?"
poussey and gloria turned at the same time towards where maria's voice had come from with the biggest deer in headlights looks. she was peeking through the other side of the bookshelf when she noticed gloria and poussey talking about something animatedly.
"tell red to watch out for vee. i mean- id do it myself but im tryna stay out of that mess as much as possible."
it made a bit of sense if maria thought about it. gloria and red finally got along a smidge decently and if poussey was warning, there had to be truth in it. things were changing so quickly all the time it made them all feel uneasy.
"fine fine. ill let her know. not that she doesnt already. anyways whens my next batch ready? you owe me like two now."
"what? you wanna share it with your lady friend here?"
gloria punched poussey lightly on the arm. any harder and she'd have knocked the twig of a woman over.
"just get me my hooch asap."
poussey rubbed her arm dramatically, "dont worry, ma. new batch is almost ready."
"ay dios i didnt even hit you that hard. but thankyou. for-" gloria glanced briefly at maria, "yknow."
poussey smiled sweetly at gloria. did it make maria jealous? maybe a little bit. not that she felt it was her place to be. jealousy didnt care about specifics tho.
"anytime."
gloria turned towards maria, "did you need me?"
in more ways than one is what maria wanted to say but she held her tongue.
"no uh- just came in here to kill some time. running away from my bunkie i guess."
gloria laughed like maria had said the funniest thing in the world and poussey rolled her eyes.
"can yall leave so i can get back to my libros?"
"oh um- yeah," gloria walked around the bookshelf till she was next to maria, "yardtime?"
maria smiled and grabbed her arm. the jealousy towards poussey was defeating her timidness towards her feelings and it left her with the desire to let the younger woman know what was up. maria looked back at poussey with a barely there glare. enough to show there was no bad blood but to back off. all it did was make poussey smirk. she loved being right.
"so what was daya doing that u had to run away for?"
gloria looked over at maria. her nerves were tingling from the sensation of being held by her newly discovered crush.
"just general annoying nosiness. its like nobody can keep a secret around here whats up with that?"
gloria shrugged, "bitches got nothin better to do 'round here. what secrets ya got?"
"coño mana, tú también?"
gloria laughed, "just messin with ya, mama."
"inmates! no prolonged contact."
maria retracted her arm as though she had been burned. she didnt know how long she would get away with it but she was glad for the time she did.
gloria sighed, "cant do shit around here."
"welcome to prison life, babyy."
"unhappy to be here."
later that night a sniffling could be heard from a cube in spanish harlem. lately all the emotions she had been bottling up just wanted to spill out everywhere and when she was overwhelmed the easiest thing to do was cry. cry because she was here. cry because she was scared of her own feelins. cry because she missed her baby so so much.
"damn maria, would you shut the fuck up already?"
"leave me alone, pendeja. cant a mother miss her baby in peace?"
daya turned over in her bed and faced the wall. "ugh. go bug gloria about it," she murmured, "shes got like the most babies to miss around here or whatever."
"que rayo de sol eres."
daya held up her middle finger in response.
maria got out of bed and tiptoed over to gloria's cube. she was crazy jealous of the added privacy that came with higher walls.
gloria scooted towards the wall and patted the space next to her.
"oh youre awake?"
"no offense, but your crying didnt exactly make it easy to fall asleep."
maria shuffled into the cubicle, "sorry," and sat down at the edge of gloria's bed.
gloria shook her head, "dont worry about it. we're just a bunch of tired crabby old bitches. wanna talk about it?"
"im- i just-," maria ran her hands through her hair. she could feel where the roots of her hair were curling up and made a mental note to go see sophia the next day, "i miss being held. and i miss pepa so so so much."
"well, i cant do much about pepa, pero- puedes acostarte aquí conmigo si quieres."
gloria lifted up her blanket to make space for maria to lay next to her. from maria's view in the dim light she could see that gloria only slept with an oversized shirt on. gloria had really nice legs when they werent covered in baggy pants.
maria laid on her back first but then shifted like gloria told her so that her back was against gloria's front. once she was situated, gloria pulled the blanket over the both of them. in the smoothest of moves, she pulled maria in closer and wrapped her arm around maria's waist.
"¿'stas cómoda?"
maria nodded and pulled gloria's arm up so that she could hold onto her too. it was so much more than she had hoped for when she went to bed that night and she needed to make sure it wasnt a dream.
"i miss my baby so much. i wish she was here with me."
"i know, mama."
"you miss your kids?"
gloria sighed, "every fuckin day. but i gotta remind myself that it wont be for much longer."
if everything went well, gloria would be out in a little over two years. every day went on slower than the last as her freedom came closer. and every day she wanted to spend more of it with maria.
"how much time do you have left?" gloria whispered.
"seven years," maria replied with a shaky voice.
"coño."
tears trickled down maria's face, "this fucking sucks."
"chacho, didnt realize my company was so horrible."
maria flipped over which caused gloria to slip her hand down to maria's hip as though it was something she had done a thousand times before. the last thing she wanted was for maria to be uncomfortable. which was relatively easy to accomplish because the beds were the worst.
maria liked the way gloria's hair was messy at night. she liked seeing the ever prim and proper taina relaxed, it was a nice contrast to her usual gelled into place persona.
"bueno, de todas las opciones que tengo, tu compañía es la mejor."
she ran her hand through gloria's short bangs and ruffled them and hummed to herself. her hair was much softer than she had imagined it would be. gloria sunk deeper into her pillow with every gentle stroke, committing maria's movements to memory in fear the night would end up being a one time thing.
"shouldnt i be the one soothing you right now?"
maria sniffled n shrugged, not that gloria could see it but more feel it, "'m feeling pretty soothed honestly. your hair is nice. soft." she rested her hand on gloria's cheek and gloria closed her eyes.
she wasnt sure when it had happened, but somewhere between maria turning to face her and softly playing with her hair, gloria had taken the hem of maria's sleep shirt and held it in a vice grip. it felt like the safest option, to let maria do what she needed to feel better but not overstep, even though all gloria wanted in the moment was to slip her hand underneath the fabric and feel the warmth of maria's skin.
the grip kept her firmly in reality. a reminder that maria wasn't hers and she couldnt just do what she pleased.
"sophia straightens it for me. and i dont like how gel feels so i use a pomade. also lasts longer."
"makes sense. speaking of, i need to go see her tomorrow. she does mine too."
gloria smiled, "shes the best forreal. no competition with danita."
"you ever gotten your hair done by her?"
gloria laughed, "she fucked me up bad. sophia offered to fix it up for me, and i really liked how it came out. been rockin this look for years now. i love it."
"me too."
maria played with gloria's hair for a little bit longer before she sighed.
"que pasó?
"i should go back to my bed now. dont wanna get you in trouble. thankyou for holding me. i really needed that."
"of course. a la orden, mama."
gloria watched as maria got up from her bed and stretched. maybe in her dreams she would get to see maria like that again but in the comfort of a home they shared together. gloria got lost in her little world ever so briefly that when maria leaned down to kiss her on the cheek she never saw it coming.
"buenas noches, gloria."
gloria looked up stunned, "y-yeah. sweet dreams."
once maria had returned to her own bed, gloria brought her hand up to her cheek. had all of that really just happened? she let her hand fall back to her mattress and was greeted by the still lingering warmth maria's body had left. yeah. it really had.
gloria had been irritated beyond all belief. some shit was always happening in the kitchen and she truly just could not catch a fucking break. aleida who had been in charge of cleaning out the steamers was whining about how nasty it was and thats why she hadnt done it for two days. which wouldnt have been an issue if she had just done it when gloria had told her the first time. but gloria was finally gonna see benny today for the first time after she cant remember how long and nothing was getting in her way.
the clock finally signaled it was almost benny time so gloria began to take off her apron.
"alright, maria, youre in charge while i take my visitation."
panic settled into maria's chest. being in charge of these idiots was a fate worse than death.
"youre gonna leave me here with these clowns?"
gloria bunched up her apron in her hands, "try not to fuck it all up, huh?"
gloria's irritation as she left didnt phase maria in the slightest but the snickering and kissy noises coming from flaritza and daya did.
"maria, youre in chaaarge"
"yeah, try not to fuck it all up, maria."
"will yall shut the fuck up and just do your jobs?"
"aww youre so cute when gloria lets you be in charge," flaca smirked and nudged maria playfully.
maria scoffed, "is it so messed up i want her to come back to no fatal incidents? yall are like the fucking circus, turn away for one second and you miss a cacophony of catastrophes."
"ohh using ur fifty cent words. you think youre soo much better than us dontcha," maritza quipped.
maria gripped the mixing bowl she was using and placed it on the station, "nah, i know i am because i do. my. fucking. job. now go chop some carrots and put em in the stew before i add more time to my sentence. dale coño."
"jeez okay, eres tan malhumorada. you like seriously need to get laid," maritza mumbled and grabbed some carrots and a knife.
that would keep her entertained for at least a couple minutes, maria figured. but as luck would have it, not even a whole minute passed before maritza let out a shriek.
"it fell in! it fell in! i cant get it out its too hot!"
maria spun around with alarm and irritation.
"what did you do? what the hell happened?"
flaca was already gripping maritza's hand with a towel as maritza panicked and pointed into the pot with her other hand and tears in her eyes.
"my fingerrr! its in there!" she cried out.
"are you fucking serious right now? gloria is gonna have my damn head for this!"
flaca stared at her in bewilderment, "youre for real worrying about gloria right now when maritza just lost a finger??"
"why are you still here??? llévala al nurse, idiota!"
maria grabbed a ladle and skimmed the surface of the stew. luckily for her, the tip of maritza's finger was clearly visible. unluckily, there was also blood in the pot.
"gloria is gonna fucking kill me."
"nah she wont," daya finally chimed in from where she was cutting more vegetables, "shes sweet on you. she might yell at you a little bit tho. especially with the mood shes been in today? mami esta en-chuf-ma." she said in the worst spanish maria's ears had the displeasure of hearing," what happened between yall last night anyways?"
"none of your business," maria said through gritted teeth.
"something happened between gloria and maria last night?" blanca asked daya while maria went to dump out the pot and fill a new one with water to put to boil.
"yeah she was all sad and shit and then they got giggly and then all quiet n maria came back to her bed."
maria glared at daya, "i thought you were asleep."
"well somebody had to be awake to spread the gossip," daya replied with a wave of some veggie.
"i hate all of you"
"pero a gloria noooo," blanca teased in a singsongy voice.
"madre dios que esta en los cielos santificada sea tu nombre ayúdame no matar a las jodiendas que me fastidian el culo."
"ooohh now shes angry too. truly a match made in heaven those two."
daya laughed. maria glared.
"go clean the pot."
"ughhh why me?"
"go. clean. the. pot."
by the time maritza and flaca came back, the new broth was like maybe halfway done. (sorry idk shit abt cooking soup) nobody wanted to touch it because they knew how gloria got about seasoning shit so they just left it till she came back.
"did we miss anything fun?"
"nah. you took it all with you," maria said still in a cranky mood.
"shes just mad because we were making fun of her for being in love with gloria."
flaritza giggled, "everybody knows that."
maria looked up eyes wide with shock, "w-what?"
"oh cmon, the way youre always there for her, your sad little puppy dog eyes when shes not looking, your constant jealousy whenever aleida is around tho you really have nothing to worry about there aleida loved dick like rojita loves the kitchen. dont worry mamita, ur crush doesnt know nothin. shes like too busy with like a gazillion other things to have time to think about sucking face anyways."
gloria came in in a huff followed by aleida, clearly having proven flaca's point, to which flaca gestured smugly.
"tell me somebody chopped some more onions."
maria handed her the bowl she had been working on and gloria violently tossed them into the pan she had used to caramelize the first batch.
"i have to remake two hundred dinners from scratch because the tip of your fuckin pinky was floating around the stew somewhere.
maritza stirred some food in a pan pathetically.
"couldnt- chop your finger off you couldnt do it away from my food?"
"im having a hard day," maritza whined. like fucking obviously pero coño.
gloria turned to face maria, "why werent you watching her?"
maria turned around, "well i cant do nothing with stupid!"
"how am i supposed to be a mother to my son when my prison kids keep fucking it up?!"
okay that one definitely stung a little bit.
at that moment, sophia walked in, "you could start with your language."
gloria turned around once more, "excuse me, what?"
"try not to curse so much. or at least tell your son not to. at least not around my michael."
gloria's frown hadnt left her face since she walked back into the kitchen, "what are you talking about?"
"my son has never cursed before, and one ride with your kid, and suddenly its fuck this fuck that."
gloria put her hands on her hips as she said, "hes fifteen so what he says fuck"
"we dont talk like that in our house"
gloria looked sophia up and down and began to inch her way towards her and maria turned just in case gloria needed backup (once again proving flacas point).
"you think- my son- is your sons problem?"
sophia crossed her arms, "tell benny to cool it with the dirty jokes. and language. that is if he wants to keep his ride." sophia raised an eyebrow at maria and left.
gloria turned back towards the group of women and clapped loudly to get them back to work. it was truly just one damn problem after another today and she was nearing the end of her straw.
"carajo!" she exclaimed as she grabbed the handle of a pan in an attempt to continue cooking, "fuck! me! somebody keeps leaving the handle over the fucking burner! shit."
"mendoza!" caputo walked in, "whats this i hear about ramoz cutting her finger off?"
"its just the tip of her pinky," gloria motioned with a wooden spoon, "if i woulda been here, i woulda cut her head off too"
"well why werent you here? your work duty takes priority. we have entrusted you with the huge responsibility and that means you cant take off whenever you get a visitor- oor a headache-"
gloria threw the poor wooden spoon into the pan, "you know what gives me a headache? this jooob. i gotta be there for my son because he needs a mother. i didnt ask for this shit. you know that my ankles are swollen? i got calluses! and that my hair?" she took off her hat and sniffed it, "smells like canola oil. i fucking hate this place! i quit!!!"
everyone went wide eyed with shock. red looked up from where she had been sweeping.
"you cant quit. this is prison."
gloria put her hands on her hips and stared at caputo. she wasnt about to back down.
"and theres nobody else to do it," caputo said a little softer.
gloria sighed. but wait. she looked back and saw red who smiled at her in a sickeningly sweet manner.
"jesus..."
"give it to her," gloria pointed to red and then gestured to herself as she said, "im done. she wants this so bad-" she bagan untying her apron for the millionth time that day and gritted her teeth- "hm hmmmm let her have iiitt. toma!"
red caught the apron that gloria threw at her with more force than necessary.
"okay reznikov... youre up," caputo lifted a fist in a half hearted victory, "enjoy."
the latinas looked down and away in defeat. it didnt feel right with gloria not in charge anymore. but gloria could no longer be bothered about it.
she walked away to cool down. taking a shower would probably help so thats what she decided she would do as she made her way to spanish harlem.
once she had come back from the showers, maria was there waiting for her on gloria's bed.
"feeling better?"
"mm un chin chin."
gloria sat down next to maria and continued to dry off the remainder of her legs that wasnt covered by her rolled up khakis when her actions were interrupted by maria.
"¿que carajo tu sta' haciendo?"
"déjame hacer esto pa ti."
maria had grabbed gloria's legs and draped them across her lap and she began massaging an ankle once gloria had positioned herself better.
"remember when you used to do this for me when i was pregnant?"
maria pressed a little bit harder and gloria grunted, "yeah. you were a little bitch about it."
she shook her head, "no not that part. i told you id pay you back someday."
"so here you are paying me back?"
maria thought for a second.
"nah. im just doing this because i want to. you deserve it. more than that, you kinda need it after all- that..."
maria got quiet for a second and just focused on massaging the swollen muscles. gloria stayed silent, laying back and enjoying the brief moments of bliss that came out of the miserable existence of the day.
"im sorry for not paying better attention."
"it wasnt yout fault, mama."
"it kinda was. im the one that let her use a knife."
"yeah well, whatever. im sorry i yelled at you. i just-"
"i know."
"i shouldn't have yelled at you."
"i mean it wasnt fantastic pero lo que pasó pasó."
"entre tu y yo."
"aight daddy yankee. ur clearly feeling better. would you like to accompany me outside? the weather is gorgeous today."
gloria smiled at maria as she pulled her socks and shoes on, "theres nothing id love more."
gloria grabbed her set of dominos, "they aint gonna pay you for the rest of today if you play hookie with me, yknow."
"eh," maria shrugged, "whats a couple cents when i could spent my time with you instead."
gloria blushed. maybe this crush wasnt as one sided she thought it was after all.
"capicu!"
"coño! again?"
"me 'stas dejando ganar apropósito!" gloria laughed.
"nah youre totally cheating!"
gloria shook her head and started flipping the dominos. because it was just the two of them they didnt bother to keep track of the score. maria flipped the pieces closer on her end till they reached the ones in the middle and accidentally brushed fingers a couple times on purpose.
"figured you needed a win today. or several i guess," she started shuffling the dominos and so did gloria.
"i knew it!"
"yeah yeah i-" maria looked up at gloria and was met with the most radiant smile. she didnt think she'd ever get tired of the way gloria's eyes crinkled when she was really happy or the way gloria's cheeks looked a little pinker when her smiles were directed at maria.
-think youre the most beautiful woman in the world.
gloria's mouth made a little o and her cheeks got even pinker than before.
"ea madre- isaidthatoutloud."
maria retracted her hands from meneando los dominos at the speed of light. an expression of horror crossed her face.
"i- im sorry. igottago."
maria ran to sophia's salon. it was the one place she knew gloria wouldnt go to. at least not today.
"aint you gloria's girl?"
maria looked down at her boots as she felt her face warm up.
"hey sophia... just here for the usual."
"mmh a lil flat iron? youre killing your beauty, baby."
"wish i could go along with it right now."
sophia plugged in the iron and looked at maria who had sunk into her chair.
"you okay?"
"i ran away from my crush after i told her i thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world. i ran away from my crush and came here because its probably the last place she'll think to look for me and i- i-"
"dont know if youve just done the smartest or dumbest thing. youre hilarious. does gloria know you like her?"
"damn! does everyone but her know?"
sophia started passing the flat iron through maria's hair.
"the way yall make googoo eyes at eachother its kinda hard to not know. so like, are you gonna go tell her how you feel or are you gonna keep hiding like a lil bitch?"
"what if she- what if she doesnt feel the same? cant i hide for a little bit longer?"
"no. we're done here anyways. im still upset with her," sophia said as she patted the top of maria's freshly flat ironed hair.
"please dont hold it against her, shes had a really rough day."
"mmm so i heard. bye now."
maria shuffled out of sophia's salon with her hands in her pockets. she was looking at the ground when she bumped into blanca.
"ey chiqui, vela tu camino."
"sorry," gloria mumbled. she had much to think about and all she wanted to to was lay down.
a couple days had passed and maria had made it her personal mission to avoid gloria anywhere that wasnt the kitchen which meant she was taking a lot more naps and spending a lot more time in the library. she was scared of change when it came to her heart, even if it was positive.
gloria grabbed maria by the back of her collar and pulled her into the walk in storage. for someone with such a small upper body she was strong as hell.
"what the hell is wrong with you?"
"wh- what? nothing! im just-"
"avoiding me."
gloria looked so sad when she said it. not just sad but defeated over something.
"i mean i get it. im just some way older than you viejita so you might feel weird about whats been... happening between us-" gloria gestured.
"do you know how old i am?"
"late twenties?"
"gloria, im thirty five."
gloria went silent. she was mad at herself for being so surprised that maria looked so young for her age but some things were starting to make a little more sense. maria just did what she had to do to survive and not become bored to death. and if that meant hanging out with the younger girls, she did it. her general cynicism made more sense to gloria too. not that age had anything to do with that but sometimes she really did say some grown ass people shit that got daya and flaritza looking at her funny.
"oh."
"oh?"
"i dont know... ive been having this wierd crisis about having feelings for you because i thought you were way younger than me..."
"wh- you have feelings for me?"
gloria looked at maria in shock.
"i dont just let anybody play with my hair, ¿sabes? i didnt think i was being very subtle. guess i was wrong," gloria mumbled the last bit to herself.
"oh."
bang! bang! bang! a knocking on the other side of the door interrupted the rest of their conversation. because ill be damned if they end up having their first kiss in the fucking food storage.
"¡sal de allí! we've got mush to make, pendejas!"
the urge to strangle maritza was stronger than it had ever been in gloria's life. maria on the other hand wanted to kiss her for interrupting a conversation she most certainly did not want to have in the kitchen.
"we should get out of here."
"dominos later? ive missed you."
"yeah," maria nodded, "ill get them from ur locker after our shift."
that she could do. gloria smiled. at least maria wasnt gonna keep avoiding her anymore. hopefully.
when gloria finally made it outside, maria, flaritza, blanca, daya y aleida were already sitting at the bench together waiting for her to start the round.
gloria's heart sunk just a little bit. she was hoping that the two of them would get to speak alone but she was happy to see maria not isolating herself again so either way it was a win in her book.
"mamis here! maria scoot over for ur girl" aleida said once she noticed gloria making her way to the table.
"shut up, aleida." maria scooted over anyways so gloria could sit next to her at the end of the bench.
"whos dealing?"
"your g-," flaca started before she was elbowed in the side by maritza.
"i am," blanca said loudly over flaca as she grabbed the container and dumped the pieces in the table and began shuffling.
"you in?" maria finally looked at gloria hopefully. she felt bad that she wasnt able to sneak the dominos from gloria's locker without the others noticing and following right behind her. if there was games to be played they could sniff it out in an instance.
"im gonna kick your ass, mama."
the other girls looked around at eachother. they werent quite sure where the two stood, pero las chismosas wanted a front row seat to the most entertaining thing that had happened that week.
"soooo," aleida started, "where you been maria? we missed ya ass out here (gloria missed you) and it hasnt felt the same without our sad little puppy around (gloria has been sad without you)"
"ive been busy."
daya scoffed, "busy sleeping all day. i saw you once with a book over your face."
"book was boring. whats with the grilling anyways? coño. im here. lets just play."
maritza shrugged, "we've just been worried about you is all. all the depressed ass bitches do that before they kill themselves."
"maritza what the fuck."
"what? im just sayin."
"anyways," gloria interrupted, "valentines day is coming up we should make something fun for the girls."
"how about some cookies?" blanca asked.
"oooo and we can make them all cute and heart shaped and even decorate them!" maritza exclaimed.
"we should make some penis shaped ones too."
"oh my god, aleida."
"shut up, daya. its a good idea."
blanca held out her hand and aleida high fived her with a snicker.
maria put down her final piece with a smile. while everyone was excitedly discussing what to do for valentines maria had stayed attentive to the game.
"¡y así se hace!"
flaca groaned, "damnit. i was so close too."
"somebody else can take my place," maria said as she stretched out satisfied with her win.
"oh you just wanna quit while youre ahead."
"and if i do? a win is a win."
after the points were totaled maria shuffled the dominos and aleida daya maritza y blanca grabbed pieces. the girls chatted away as they played and it left gloria and maria the tiniest sliver of privacy they could muster at the end of the bench.
maria placed her hand on glorias thigh and gave it a squeeze. she really did want to talk bur just not in around las chismosas. even if they did inevitably find out all of their business, the conversation itself isnt one she wanted to have in front of them. gloria took maria's hand under the table and gave her a little smile of understanding.
at that moment, flaca caught the two staring at eachother and grinned real wide. they were sickeningly cute together and she wished she could have captured the moment.
"somebody get me a camera to capture those googoo eyes."
everybody turned to look at maria and gloria who stopped touching the second flaca spoke.
"you really know how to ruin a moment, huh."
"what?? can you blame me? yall have been playing will they wont they for so long we need a conclusion!"
"well? yall kissing or killing eachother?"
"im still weighing my options," gloria replied.
maria turned to look at her in shock but was just greeted with an evil little grin. she kinda deserved that one honestly after running away and avoiding gloria.
maria scrambled out of her seat which was a little difficult to do being in one of the middleish spots and pulled gloria along with her who easily complied. she was so happy to get away from them and that she and maria would finally have some time to themselves again.
"we are not having this conversation with yall. goodbye."
"nooo dont leave us things were just getting interesting," aleida whined.
"¡no somos tu telenovela, pendeja!"
"thats where youre wrong!" blanca chimed in.
maria held up a middle finger towards the table as she continued to drag gloria inside.
"¿pa dónde vamos?"
maria shrugged. she hadnt really planned it out and just wanted to get away from them all. after having been by herself for the most part for the last couple days, all the attention had become overwhelming and she needed an escape but she still wanted to be with gloria.
"where would you like to go?"
gloria took maria's hand and intertwined their fingers.
"anywhere as long as its with you."
maria's heart sped up with excitement anticipation and fear. there was quite literally no possible way that any sort of conversation between them would go badly but still. anxiety was a bitch.
"where do you think we would have to most privacy?"
"probably a broom closet."
"ugh i dont wanna kiss you for the first time in a broom closet."
"oh so you were planning on kissing me?"
maria felt her cheeks warm as she said, "ojalá."
it was gloria's turn to drag maria along and as though the universes had finally aligned in their favor, nobody was currently in the chapel.
gloria grabbed maria by the neck and pulled her in closer. surprised by the action, maria placed her hands on glorias hips and smiled.
"damn, mamita. somebody's eager."
"cállate, pendeja."
gloria finally kissed maria and oh my god was it amazing. maria's lips were soft and she didnt hold back. as much as gloria wanted her, maria did the same. maria slid her hands up to gloria's waist. her baggy shirts really hid just how small the woman was. gloria brought her hands up to maria's neck, sliding them up till she held her face as they kissed and sliding them up further till her fingers tangled on maria's hair.
maria finally pulled back, "im sorry about the whole avoiding you thing. i just-" she sighed, "youll be out soon and ill still be here... you shouldn't have to deal with that."
gloria pushed her, "are you fucking serious? you dont just get to decide those things on your own, maria. why didnt you just talk to me about it?"
"i dont know, okay? i hate talking about my feelings. even the good ones. so i didnt want things to change between us"
"so then what? do we just avoid our feelings and wait till im gone? do i just keep pretending that being around you isnt the highlight of my day?"
"i-"
"dime que no me quieres."
"i dont want you to have to wait for me."
"who says thats a decision you get to make on your own?"
"gloria-"
gloria held her hands up in defeat, "youre the one that started this. but now you just-? cuando adivines lo que quieres, let me know."
gloria put her hands in her pockets and turned so that maria couldnt see the tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. and just like that she had left. maria sunk down into the closest seat she could and held her head in her hands.
"eres tontísima," aleida sat down next to maria and smacked her upside the head.
maria glared at her and almost punched back but she knew she deserved that one.
"you cant just fuck with my best friends heart like that. you know she loves you."
maria blinked. she knew she loved gloria but hearing someone else say gloria felt the same made her brain spin.
"she'll be gone soon. she'll forget me once shes out. who would want to come back here to visit anyways? our friendships are just bandaids in here. out there? we will be nothing to eachother."
"¿eso es lo que to crees? like forreal? do you even know the shit she has been through? the horrible people who have done the absolute worst to her and she still went back to them? you treat her with so much love how could she forget you?"
she didnt know. she didnt know gloria had been in abusive relationships in the past. she didnt know because gloria hated talking about those things. why would she? why would she ruin the sweetness of being with maria with the sourness of her past?
"i didnt know..."
"of course you didnt! thats why i told you, stupid. she deserves someone who treats her the way you do so stop being a cowardly ass bitch and go tell her you love her."
maria stood up not only just to get away from aleida but to go find gloria as well.
"if i ever see her cry because of you again im getting lil diaz to beat your ass."
ah coño. gloria had left crying? her stomach churned at the thought of having made the older woman cry. maria really needed to find her and fast.
maria rushed to spanish harlem but gloria wasnt there. she tried the kitchen next with no luck. after she checked the library she went back outside and found gloria tucked away into a corner that was rarely if ever checked by the cos.
"fucking finally found you."
gloria rubbed at her eyes, trying to remove the evidence of tears and sighed, "what do you want, maria."
"you. te quiero a ti. te amo. ¿perdóname por ser bruta?"
maria kneeled down next to gloria and took her face in her hands, caressing gloria's cheeks.
"im sorry, mamita.
"dont you dare fucking do that shit again. ive already-" gloria stopped herself before continuing.
"i know. aleida told me."
"fuckin bitch."
"she didnt go into details you dont gotta beat her ass or nothin. but i do wanna get know everything about you. we got a lot of time to pass."
gloria finally looked up at maria, a small smile growing on her face.
"id like that."
"yeah?" maria asked hopefully.
"yeah."
"can i kiss you again?"
gloria let out a breathy laugh and sniffled.
"you dont wanna kiss me right now."
maria kissed one cheek and then the other. and then gloria's forehead and her chin and the corner of her lips and the tip of her nose. by the time she was finished, gloria couldnt stop smiling.
maria leaned back and finally joined gloria sitting against the wall, took her hand and laced their fingers together.
"yknow, ive had the biggest crush on you for years now."
"really?"
maria nodded. gloria leaned her body towards maria and rested her head on her shoulder. it was nice being with maria like this.
"i think i have too."
"will you miss me when youre out there?"
"ay mamita, te extrañaré cada día, mi corazón."
maria kissed the top of gloria's head, leaned against her, and closed her eyes. if she could pause a moment in time it would be this one. just them together alone, escaping reality if even for just the briefest of moments. shit sucked ass in prison but not too terribly whenever she was with gloria.
(^з^)-♡
the years passed slowly after gloria finally got out, but she didnt fail to come by and visit maria, often with pepa in tow whenever they could. pepa loved titi gloria and yadriel liked that maria had someone waiting for her. so when maria's time was finally up, of course gloria would be there with pepa y yadriel. they hadnt told maria that gloria would be there tho. she wanted it to be a surprise.
"por fin," maria whispered to herself as she stepped out into the brisk air and inhaled deeply. it was the same as the other side of the gate but somehow felt lighter. fresher. easier.
"mami!" pepa yelled loud enough to rupture eardrums.
the second she laid eyes on pepa, tears ran down her cheeks. she had gotten so big. i mean she knew that, she had seen her grow. but it felt different seeing her baby on the other side.
"my baby."
"look who we found!"
pepa pointed at gloria who stood there holding a bouquet full of a variety of pink magenta and orange flowers.
maria ran and hugged pepa first. she'd be damned if she was gonna let her go anytime soon. she then looked up at gloria with surprise.
"¿que diablo tu haces aquí?" maria asked her as she pulled gloria in and cupped her cheek.
last maria knew, gloria was supposed to be in puerto rico to visit family.
"i missed you. besides, how could i miss today!"
maria laughed in between tears and finally pulled gloria in for a kiss.
"hey!" pepa exclaimed from being squished between the two.
"whos hungry?" yadriel asked.
"me!"
"youre always hungry, pepa," gloria said as she ruffled her short curls and looked back at maria, "hungry?"
maria nodded and grabbed gloria's free hand and led them to the car where yadriel was waiting.
"i brought you a change of clothes," gloria whispered into maria's ear.
"oh my god i love you so much right now."
gloria laughed and kissed maria again. she didnt think she would ever get tired of that.
"te amo a ti también."