Work Text:
Walking down the bustling streets of Sumeru while the sun hid itself behind the tall trees of Avidya Forest stretched around the city, Alhaitham kept his head straight. He didn’t as much as tilt his head to gape at the breathtaking sunset, ignoring the gasps of the citizens pulling out their Kamera to catch a glimpse of this magnificent moment.
Usually Alhaitham stepped out of the Akademiya after the sun had disappeared behind the horizon, the moon peeking onto their land from the east. There is some sort of calmness in that moment, a peace Alhaitham had come to appreciate. Today, unfortunately, the paperwork was done quite quickly; the Akademiya had taken its lessons to heart and started recruiting competent people for the job. Alhaitham now had a diligent assistant, a handful but capable coordinators and work had been going swimmingly. He is indeed grateful; his weekends now feel like…weekends.
Arm wrapped around a new book he recently bought, Alhaitham silently made his way back home. He could sense people staring at him from the sides, the Scribe was a rare sight for the citizens of Sumeru.
“Is that the Scribe?” one of them asked.
They were whispering among each other. “So the rumours are true? His face lacks expressions- I mean, how could one ignore such a beautiful sunset?”
Alhaitham kept walking, the cold expression etching his face.
_____
“Grandma?” little Alhaitham ran to his grandmother’s room and hugged her. He had a little frown on his cute little face. It wasn’t visible, but it was there and only his grandmother could see it, unlike the other students in the Akademiya.
The old lady sat on her bed and opened her arms for her dearest grandchild. “What is it, my child? Why that frown?” she kissed Alhaitham’s forehead and with her gentle fingers, pushed his grey hair out of his sight. “Bad day?”
“Grandma, I-”
Alhaitham has always struggled with expressing himself. When thrown into a pool of people, like a switch turned off, Alhaitham’s emotions simply forget to express themselves. He had tried, unsuccessfully so, but the little boy had tried.
“Why do they not like me?” he questioned. His grandmother’s heart ached. This question, albeit hearing it multiple times already, she has no answer to. Alhaitham is but a child, and how could she ever break his fragile little heart?
“What happened, Haitham? Did something happen?”
Alhaitham looked up, big wide eyes holding in the sadness that no child deserves to get a taste of at such a tender age. “They called me emotionless. I heard them.”
Immediately, Alhaitham was engulfed in a warm hug – the only person who will do that for him – his tiny hands holding onto the silk fabric of his grandmother’s kurta. “You aren’t, my Jaan. You are anything but that.” She couldn’t make any promises, couldn’t let him live on false hopes. This world is unkind and Alhaitham, a young boy who hadn’t even stepped into reality yet had to learn this in a cruel way.
Blinking open her eyes, the woman asked the seven why did her child deserve all this?
_____
At the age of twenty-two, Alhaitham had come to learn that he was meant to be alone. He had lost so much – his parents, his grandmother and a friend. The night Kaveh walked out of his life, slamming the books on the table, Alhaitham had succumbed to the harsh truth – in this life, it is only Alhaitham. No one, but him. Since then, he never looked back, caging his heart and blatantly ignoring its cries.
Three years after, and Alhaitham still hasn’t let his heart out of its confinements.
He survives. Even when Alhaitham is thrown into the deepest pit, he makes it out. Exhausted and weary. But he survives. Always.
On opening the door of his house, Alhaitham is welcomed with the sight of Kaveh sitting on the floor, a cup of coffee beside him and blueprints all over his carpet. Recently, the architect got a new project from Lesser Lord Kusanali herself for the people of Aaru Village; along with it a large amount of funding and salary for himself.
Kaveh, being the kind soul that he is, refused at first. Asking for money for something that could help others make their lives better went against his morals. But Nahida was insistent, and no matter what, she was their Archon and one couldn’t go against her requests. That night Kaveh, sober and happy, had danced around the house, singing that once he gets his salary, he is out of here. Alhaitham himself had approved of the funding and the negotiations, and the sum was huge. Enough to buy a new house and start anew.
“You are back early,” Kaveh looked up. Alhaitham hung his key on the atrocious ( Kaveh’s words) key holder and took his shoes off. He pulled the curtains apart, letting the orange hues of the sunset into the house, a ray of light illuminating one of Kaveh’s blueprints. Then, he turned to Kaveh, and leaned against the wall.
“Work was done early,” he shrugged, eyes scanning the layouts on the floor. “Are these for Aaru Village?”
“Yes,” Kaveh gulped down his coffee. “That is the school,” the blonde pointed at the blueprint on the far left corner, “that is a garden,” his finger moved to the one on the right. “And before you say anything, I do know well about the plant life in the desert. Yes, it might take some time and a lot of effort, but it isn’t impossible.”
“I never said anything.”
“You were going to,” Kaveh argued. He stood up and brushed off his pants. “Anyway, I am going to the tavern to meet Cyno and Nari. Are you coming?”
Alhaitham had already opened his new book. “No,” he replied, eyes scanning through the first page. He made his way to the divan, skillfully dodging Kaveh’s mess and sitting on the cozy mattress. “I’m exhausted.”
“Excuses, excuses,” Kaveh rolled his eyes at his annoying junior. “Everyone and their mother know that once a book captivates the Scribe’s attention, not even an earthquake can shake his stupor, let alone his beloved friends.” The blonde picked Mehrak up from the floor, “Archon knows none of this bothers you anyway.”
Alhaitham’s eyes stop.
“It is alright, though. I understand.”
His fingers start rubbing the top corner of the book’s page as he waits for Kaveh to leave the house. His house. The words in front of Alhaitham merge into one, gibberish sentences making no sense to him. He sighs when the door closes and keeps the book on the side, gently.
It is only books he can turn to when the world feels a bit more heavier. When everything overwhelms Alhaitham, he can only ask the words written on those pages to help him through. They ground him. The letters distract Alhaitham from letting his heart break free when the world outside its cage weakens and those iron rods start melting. Alhaitham cannot let it happen. Does not allow it.
Books help him.
Today happens to be one of those days. If Kaveh wasn’t so ignorant – but it is not his fault, is it? Just like others, he too is blinded by the fact that Alhaitham is cold, unfeeling, silent, selfish…and is he wrong? Is he wrong, Alhaitham? – yet, he likes to blame it on Kaveh. The truth is sour, and Alhaitham isn’t a fan of sour. He had accepted one truth, another one would be a hard pill to swallow, literally. So, if Kaveh wasn’t so ignorant , he would’ve noticed those days when Alhaitham does agree to tag along, plays Genius Invocation TCG with Cyno for five rounds straight and drinks with them until he forgets that he is Alhaitham, the lonely. He tricks himself into believing that just like any other human, he too has companions.
But people will always focus on what he didn’t do.
Alhaitham cursed himself taking such words to his caged heart and allowing those tears soak into his being. This is wrong. He rested his head against the armrest and covered his eyes with his arm, the other turning off his hearing aid, the silence that he oh so hated surrounding him.
_____
“Why can’t you agree with me?” Kaveh yelled, his voice echoing in the empty room of House of Daena.
Alhaitham stared down at their thesis. The paragraphs highlighting Kaveh’s arguments: the ones Alhaitham did agree on. Yes, he did debate a bit to understand it better, but Alhaitham didn’t say anything against it. He noted it down, he added it in the thesis that he was yet to show Kaveh. He had brought it here especially to show Kaveh.
He did agree. In fact, Alhaitham researched more about it, spent nights working on it while also studying for his examinations and furthering their thesis along with Kaveh. He did–
“You never listen! You are such a stubborn head who thinks he is all knowing and everyone around him is but a mere being who knows nothing!” Kaveh had tears in his eyes. Alhaitham made him cry. Habitually, his fingers started rubbing the corner of the thesis’s page. “You know what, Alhaitham?”
The boy looked up at his senior.
“Keep that thesis. Keep your pride. I’m done with you,” the blonde slammed the books back on the wooden table. “We are done. I’m not doing this thesis with you, and I hope we never cross paths again.”
And with that, Kaveh walked out of his life.
“Honestly, I would’ve done the same. Their friendship never sat right with me.” The librarian and her friend forget that this is a library. Faintest of whispers could be heard from the other side in the silence of this room.
Alhaitham stands up and turns off his hearing aid.
He is tired of proving himself.
He is exhausted.
_____
A hand on Alhaitham’s shoulder wakes him up. Blinking his eyes open, he sees a yellow figure looming over him, haziness making it blurry. He blinks another two times, Kaveh’s scarlet eyes now piercing into him.
He doesn’t seem drunk. Which is peculiar. Tavern nights lead to drunk Kaveh shenanigans. Alhaitham furrows his brows, Kaveh is saying something. His lips move hurriedly and Alhaitham cannot make anything out in his sleepy daze. He pushes himself up and Kaveh steps back. Alhaitham turns on his headphones and yawns.
“They were off-ugh, I should’ve known,” Kaveh keeps Mehrak on the unoccupied side of the divan. “How long have you been asleep?”
“I don’t know.”
“You-” Kaveh pauses. Suddenly he comes closer, fiery eyes widening. “Alhaitham, did…did you cry?
Alhaitham blinks. “No.”
“Yes. You cried,” Kaveh’s hands cup Alhaitham’s face, thumb caressing what seems to tear trails. Face laced with concern, he kneels in front of Alhaitham, “what’s wrong? What happened?”
And it is like everything around Alhaitham froze. His heart was seeping out and secrets were threatening to show themselves and Alhaitham wanted to run. He felt choked, as if the forces were against his lips laying his vulnerabilities raw, his chest hurt, the heart trying to free itself, his mind buzzed, screaming at him to get a hold of himself. No, no, no. He cannot let this happen, He cannot be vulnerable. Alhaitham stood up and pushed Kaveh away, making a beeline for his room.
“Alhaitham, what-”
He slammed the door on Kaveh’s face.
Alhaitham was trembling. His knees gave out, forcing him down on the floor.
He cried. He fucking cried and Kaveh saw it.
Shit, shit, shit.
_____
Alhaitham looks down at the open journal on the table. He had heard people say that to write down your emotions on a page helps one unburden their heart. He brought the quill close to the paper, ready to let it all out.
He was ready. He is ready. He can do it. He can–
The quill falls. Alhaitham is scared. He chokes, his chest hurts, his mind buzzes.
He cannot open up.
Not even to a fucking book.
Is he meant to carry all this in his heart? His wounded heart?
_____
“I know you are scared.”
A silent whisper from the other side of the door seeps into Alhaitham’s iron confinements.
“ Haiyi…” Alhaitham hasn’t heard that nickname since their Akademiya days. “It is terrifying, I know.”
No you don’t, Alhaitham cries.
“But it is okay. It’s okay to cry,” Kaveh continues. “It is just another proof of you being human, no?”
Alhaitham sobs.
“I’m right here, Haiyi,” Kaveh says. He is close. “When you open the door, I will be right there.”
The door is locked. Kaveh cannot come in.
“You haven’t eaten, have you?” Alhaitham can hear shuffling. “I brought food from Lambad’s. It’s your favourite, so no skipping alright? I’ll go and warm it up.”
The footsteps recede.
An ugly sob wrecks out of Alhaitham. He bites on his hand to not let the sound out.
“It is just another proof of you being human, no?”
Alhaitham is a human. Not some robot lacking emotions. He is human and Kaveh sees that. They might have their falling outs, but Kaveh sees Alhaitham and Alhaitham sees Kaveh. They know each other more than anyone.
It was Kaveh who took care of him in his sickness when he cried for his grandmother. It was Kaveh who held his hand when Alhaitham visited his parents’ grave after the anger of them leaving him behind dissipated. It was Kaveh who sat by his side through the night when Alhaitham couldn’t grasp a chapter and needed support but was hesitant to ask. It is Kaveh who still sits beside him when Alhaitham has to pull all-nighters for work. It’s just Kaveh. It has always been Kaveh.
Alhaitham was blinded by the world’s cruelty to notice him. To notice Kaveh correcting himself when he slips up.
“It is alright, though. I understand.”
He does understand. Kaveh understands Alhitham.
Alhaitham waits for his tears to stop. It takes him fifteen minutes but he collects himself and walks out. The spicy scent of butter chicken has filled the living room, and Kaveh’s quiet humming echoes in the room. The hushed click of the door catches the blonde’s attention. He turns around and smiles at Alhaitham.
“Hey.”
Alhaitham makes his way to the dining table and sits down. He avoids Kaveh’s eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
The junior looks up at his senior.
“It is because of what I said, right?” Kaveh holds Alhaitham’s hand and brings it close to his lips, kissing every knuckle. During their Akademiya days, this was how Kaveh comforted Alhaitham when he sensed something off. He always knew what Alhaitham felt. “I’m sorry. I did try to correct myself, but still, it was wrong of me. I apologise.”
“You don’t have to apologise. I don’t deserve it,” Alhaitham murmured but Kaveh heard it. He tugged at Alhaitham’s hand.
“You deserve it. Alhaitham you fucking deserve it,” his voice was stern. As if not even Lesser Lord Kusanali could change his opinion. “And if anyone tells you otherwise, then they are…they are trash.”
Alhaitham snorted. “That is the worst you could come with?”
Kaveh flustered, “shut up.” His calloused thumb rubbed circles on the back of Alhaitham’s hand. “I know it is difficult for you to open up, Haiyi.”
Alhaitham’s breath hitched. He can feel his chest constricting-
“That doesn’t make you undeserving of anything.”
It stops. It hurts, but not as much.
“Just because you cannot express yourself doesn’t mean you are unlovable, Haiyi,” Kaveh kisses his hand. “Emotions do not have to be loud. They can be quiet. Love can be quiet. Those people who talk behind your back are blinded with their own foolish beliefs, and I was one of them too. Until I saw you. You, who saved me a seat everywhere, you who takes care of me when I am drunk out of my wits, you who kept all those sketches I gave you even though you told me they were ugly.”
Alhaitham’s hand twitches.
Kaveh chuckles. “Yeah, I stumbled upon them when I was cleaning up your library. Don’t worry, it was endearing.”
Alhaitham’s head drops, pink spreading down his face. He thought he hid them well.
“You who actually wrote my arguments in the thesis and researched about it, unlike me who didn’t even bother studying them.”
There were tears now rolling down Alhaitham’s cheeks. He knows.
“I’m sorry, Haiyi. I’m so sorry,” Kaveh pulled him into a hug. “I should’ve known. I knew but I was angry and fucked up. You didn’t deserve it. And I’ll show you that you deserve the universe,” Kaveh kisses his forehead. He smiled brightly like the sun he is but not hurting Alhaitham’s eyes. Never intending to hurt Alhaitham.
“It is going to be okay. It might take time, but I will be here. Always.”