Chapter Text
"Julie! Julie?" I rush into her room. She looks up at me from her bed. "Oh good you're home. Wait why are you home? Doesn't matter right now. I need your help." I say closing the door and walking to her bed.
"Well, hello to you too brother." She says sitting up as I sit next to her.
"Yeah, about that..."
"Sister?" She looks at me confused but supportive.
"I don't know, maybe. How do you know you're a girl?" I ask.
"Well, I was born a girl." She says tilting her head.
"Yes, I know that. But like how does it feel?"
"I don't know, I guess I just know. I don't think I'd like to be a guy. Or even have people think I'm one. Why? Are you missing being Chrissy?" She turns her full body towards me.
I do the same and start playing with my hands. "I don't know. I mean it's only been a couple of days since I told everyone. I kinda can't go back now." She looks at me sadly.
I sigh and continue. "But someone asked me if I knew I wasn't a girl and it kinda broke me. It should be straightforward right? I'm a guy, no doubts but there are doubts. One big one, what if I am? I mean I feel like a guy, I'm definitely biologically one. But yet I liked being a girl, how people treated me, wearing makeup and dresses. I just don't know. I kinda of want to be a girl but like not 100% which is bad right? How can I not know my own gender?" I sigh again holding my head in my hands.
She nods in thought for a moment before speaking. "Ok, well you could be both..." She says.
"That's an option?" I say surprised.
"Yeah, I read about it. Gender fluid or something like that. It's not widely accepted as a real gender but apparently, in the gay communities it is recognised as one." She says trying to remember.
I laugh slightly. "About that also..." I say looking down. I look up to see her raising an eyebrow. "How do you know if you like a guy?" I ask shyly.
"You like a guy?" She asks way too peppy. I look back down and shrug. "Oh-ho, my god!" She laughs lightly.
I look up at her scowling. "No, no, no! It's fine I promise. I support you 100% with both things. It's just this is so out of left field."
"Right, but that day you found me going to school dressed as a girl wasn't it?" I ask.
"Well, you did used to wear my costume dresses. So it was a surprise but not unexpected. This, however, is new. When did this happen, how?" She explains.
I shrug again. "I don't know if it has, I mean I guess it has. It just did? Or maybe like months ago? And I'm only realising now? If I even do. I'm so confused. I mean I enjoyed the kiss once my brain turned off." I say smiling slightly remembering the kiss.
She chokes on her spit. "I'm sorry! Kiss? You kissed a guy?"
"Yeah, well I mean technically it wasn't our first kiss." I say not really paying attention to what I'm saying.
"You've kissed him before?"
"Well he kissed me both times but I kissed back this time." I say as I look at her shocked face. "What?"
"Chris! You're telling me you've had separate kisses on separate days with the same guy and you don't know if you like him?" She asks.
I blush, realising all I've confessed to. "I, uh. Yeah." I fidget with my hands again.
"Wait, but your first kiss would have been when you were Chrissy but today you were Chris... He must really like you!" She says thinking. I shrug before a few moments pass. "WAIT! Didn't that guy Kurt kiss you? Yeah, I remember you washing your mouth out. I don't see you doing that now." She says smirking.
I blush again. "Well, I... He... We..." I stumble for words.
"Oh my god, you're in love with your bully. The dude beat the shit out of you when you first met."
"He's changed, for me."
"For Chrissy, you mean?"
"I don't think he sees a difference anymore." I say confused.
"Do you?" She says seriously. I look at her more confused. "See a difference? Are Chris and Chrissy the same person? I don't think I do. Do you?"
"I... I mean they're both me right?"
"Yes, but are they the same person?"
"Y-yes? I want them to be."
"Good. Now when are you seeing him next?" She teases with a smirk.
"Tonight." I smile. But my face drops. "Does he expect me to show as Chrissy? We didn't really talk about that."
"Well, what did you talk about? Was there any talking?"
"Yes, we talked. He complimented my music and then explained how he felt about me revealing my secret. He asked if I was a girl to which I broke down. He said he didn't care if I was a guy or a girl. And then somehow we were kissing. Then he said tonight at 8 o'clock." I say shrugging.
"Hmm, well I guess it's up to you. Are you feeling like a girl tonight? I'm sure he'd be happy either way." She says comfortingly. I shrug. "Ok, well you should probably start getting ready either way."
I nod and slowly get up. I walk to the door before she stops me. "And if you are a girl sometimes, you're gonna have to get your own clothes. I think you stretched out my skirt." She jokes.
I nod at her before walking into my room to get ready. I look around my room and at all my clothes. I decide to wear what I have on but I put on some eyeliner and clear lipgloss. I spray some deodorant before checking the time.
I rush downstairs keeping my head low. "Chris?" I hear my mum call. "Where are you going?"
"Just to a friend's house." I call back.
"A girl?" She asks getting up off the couch.
"No mum, a guy. We're just discussing some stuff." I look down at my watch. "Sorry, but I really have to go." I say walking out the front door.
"Oh, ok honey!" She says watching me walk down the street.
I slowly walk to the Starks place. I turn the corner of their street and look at my watch. 'I'm a little early.' I sigh and take my time walking to the door.
Knocking, I wait until the door opens. Kurt's face pops into view before a smile spreads across his face. "Chrissy! Come in." He says holding the door open for me.
I walk inside before he closes the door and waves for me to follow. "No one's home but just in case they come back we should probably talk in my room." He says walking down a hallway.
I follow and walk into his room. He sits in his bed, patting beside him. I look at him before taking the spot. We both sit in silence for a while. He looks down and takes my hand in his.
"You put makeup on? It looks good." He says smiling.
"Oh, uh, yeah. I just wanted to. I didn't know if you wanted me or Chrissy to come." I say awkwardly.
"But you are Chrissy, did you want me to stop calling you that because I can do that Chris? I mean you're you no matter what you wear." He says confused.
"Oh, no. You can still call me Chrissy, I just... You probably would have preferred I come as a girl right?" I ask sadly.
"I told you I don't mind if you're a guy or a girl." He sighs and lets go of my hand, instead holding my face. "If you're a guy, then I'd just have to accept that I'm not as straight as I thought."
"That's very insightful Kurt! I spoke to Julie, my big sister, and she said I could probably be something called gender fluid, which means I'd be both male and female. I don't know what that'd make you though." I say still trying to wrap my head around it.
"Oh, ok... Well then let's not use labels, boy, girl, gay, straight. Human." He points to himself. "Human." He points to me.
"Ah yes, broad terms. That will definitely help our confused little brains." I say slightly sarcastically.
"Well just until we work it out. Like going to a psychologist to work stuff out but when we're together then we're just us." He says as if it was rehearsed.
"When did you get so smart?" I ask with a head tilt.
"I don't know like two hours ago when I was thinking this over and then practised what I wanted to say." He says shrugging.
I laugh. 'That's so cute and sweet. Kurt can be cute and sweet?! It suits him.' I smile at him. "Ok, well if we're not gonna discuss that then what do we talk about?" I ask.
"Well, we could always forget about talking. I'm sure there's some other stuff we could do." He says smirking as he moves closer.
"I do have to remind you I am biologically male." I say holding my hands up.
"I was talking about kissing Chrissy. Get your mind out of the gutter! But I guess if you want to get into my pants that bad..." He says smirking harder.
"Nope, nope. Kissing is perfectly fine. Thank you!" I say as my face burns red. I quickly grab his face pulling him towards me.
"Hmm, good!" He says before kissing me.
Snaking my arms around his neck I pull myself closer. He wraps his arms around my waist before pulling me into his lap. I yelp in surprise before he deepens the kiss and I melt into him.
He slowly lays down pulling me atop of him. I moan lowly into the kiss causing him to gasp before hungrily returning to the now full-on make-out session.
He flips us over, now looming over me. He slides his tongue into my mouth, my instincts taking over as we battle for dominance. Eventually, I give up letting him explore my mouth.
He breaks off allowing us some fresh air. He looks down at me and chuckles. "This isn't the first time you've been under me." He teases breathlessly.
I blush looking up at him as his hair falls over his face. 'Here I am, new gender, new sexuality, new look at life all because I was hiding from this guy.' I look in his eyes and smile.
'Oh, how I love being a woman!'