Chapter Text
Chapter 7
Zevran
XXX
Zevran had waited until Myai was asleep, curled up with both of her hands wrapped about one of his, before rolling to sprawl on his back. When she had called him Maestro, her master once more, it had nearly broken his control, proving just how tenuous his hold was on himself. That had spurred him to action and goaded him to leave two notes, one for her and one for Ignacio. And then, he had done the most difficult thing in his entire life: he left.
It had been hell to leave Myai, to not tell her what he was thinking, but he couldn’t risk her telling him that it would be alright. That he would be able to control himself. Zevran had one fear in life that fueled his every action since Myai had finally thrown off his yoke. To lose control and hurt her in any fashion. He knew he still had cracks and chinks that the beast could use to work its way through. Zevran couldn’t, wouldn’t ever allow that to happen. For something so simple as that to have tested his control so mightily frightened him and left him only one clear choice.
Perhaps it was for the best, because without him near Myai could find something more normal. Something healthier than remaining bound to him. It was what he should have done in the first place, however Myai had needed and deserved him to attempt to find a path they could walk together. He had failed at it, and so it was for the best that he left. His note made it clear that he loved her, and the why of his leaving, so he hoped. Zevran prayed she would understand and accept it.
Of course at first she had looked for him, that much he knew. But he was Guildmaster, and while he had to remain in Antiva, he could still remain hidden from her. There were a few close calls, where she had almost stumbled upon him, but Zevran had escaped before Myai could be threatened by his presence. Eventually she would understand, eventually she would accept it.
It took six months before he slipped up.
XXX
The crackle and sting of magic holding him immobile stung. Zevran had almost forgotten what it was like to have the taste and burn of Myai’s magic on him. He had failed yet again.
Myai’s beautiful countenance was hard, one hand outstretched, fingers splayed. “No, I don’t think so Zev. You can’t get away that easily, we need to talk.”
Closing his eyes, Zevran stopped fighting against her power. “As you wish, for I am yours.”
There was an angry huff, before he was pushed down onto a chair in his current office. “If you’re mine, then why did you run off?”
“It was for your own good,” the answer easy, however he wasn’t sure if she believed him, so he continued, “My control slipped. You were in danger. So, I left instead of risking your safety.”
“That’s what your note said, all five lines of it, but I don’t know how you can expect me to believe that.” He noted her hair was shorter and she was nearly gaunt again, where she was at an almost healthy weight when he left. “At first, I thought you meant you needed a few days. So I waited. But then when you didn’t return, what do you suppose I thought?”
Biting his tongue, Zevran shook his head, unwilling to hazard a guess. However he knew from reports given to him by Ignacio that Myai had become frantic, then worked steadily towards anger. The Crow Master’s reports were rather scathing and no less than Zevran deserved. But he held fast - it was for Myai’s own protection.
Myai paced, circling his chair several times, her fists clenching and unclenching. “Well? What do you think I believed?”
“I don’t know,” Zevran murmured as the sensation of spell wrought restraint faded.
“You can be so mellow-dramatic! You’re a man, not some... some... boy seeking attention!” Myai stomped with admirable anger, hands on her hips and leaning in ‘til they were nose to nose. “You should have talked to me. You should have contacted me, and you should not have hidden, scurrying around as though I was some demon hunting you down! And to have forced Ignacio to collusion in this angst-ridden game, it’s... it’s beneath you.”
Holding himself still in spite of the fact that he was no longer bound by Myai’s magic, Zevran sighed. “That would be true, amora if I had planned or hoped on being found. And I see that Ignacio broke trust with me anyway, for you are here, are you not?”
Myai surprised him by straddling his lap, hands burying themselves in his hair so she could force him to look her in the face. “Ignacio didn’t do anything. I found you myself.” She must have seen his curiosity and confusion, for she explained, “Your dreams. Nightmares actually, but they pulled at me. Zevran, you and I are far too entwined for there to be any sort of easy separation.”
“You think leaving was easy?” Blinking, startled, Zevran frowned.
“How should I know? You didn’t tell me anything.” Myai shook her head at him, her expression barely softening. “You owe me at least that much.”
Ducking his head in shame as he felt his face color, Zevran shuddered. “I owe you much more than that Myai. But I have to keep you safe, and that includes from myself. There has been too much done by me that was, and still is, damaging to you. Myai, if I could spare you anything in this world, I would. Without thought, and no care for the burden or my personal pain.”
“Then trust me, Zevran. Because I want you, need you in my life. I have chased you all over Antiva, through alleys and small towns. Do you think I would do that if I wasn’t aware of the risks?” He could taste the comfry and a faint hint of coffee wafting from Myai, and it was a struggle to remain still, for all he wished to do was lean in and press his nose into her neck. “Trust me to hear your feelings, your fears, and to help you find your way past the tangles. And I’ll trust you too. I’ll trust and believe that you’ll hear me and hold me when I need it, and to step back when I need that. Space? If you need that, you can have it, but you have to come back!”
A tremor ran down to his hands, and he had to ball them into tight fists to hang on. “I was slipping Myai. I still am, feeling you so near... I...”
“You what?” Thumbs brushed over his cheekbones, no longer stinging, just as they had stopped that last night. It was what he needed, what he deserved - for her touch to bring pain. And it had stopped, leaving him bereft of that constant, slapping, torturous reminder. “What do you want Zevran?”
Licking his lips, Zevran dared giving in, at least a little. “To hold you. To make you mine.”
Brown eyes went soft, fingers sliding down to trace his jaw. “Then hold me, because I am yours, just as you are mine.”
With trepidation, Zevran cautiously wrapped one arm around her waist, tugging her close. Myai let out a soft sound, not quite a sigh, but almost. The relief poured off of her, and Zevran flinched as she wound herself about him, her cheek pressing to his shoulder. Myai was right, he did owe her. Zevran owed Myai everything, from his love, to his very life, to his penance. He breathed only because of her benevolence, time and again. It only left him one thing to do, and so he gave up everything and gave in, deciding to trust her judgement, for he had proved how poor his was.
Swallowing thickly, pressing his nose into the crook of her neck, Zevran finally agreed, but with one important stipulation. “If I ever prove that I am still an animal, Myai, you must either make me leave or kill me.”
“Only if you swear that you won’t give up the fight,” her breath puffed into his hair as she spoke, warming his scalp as the air stirred the strands.
XXX
Epilogue
Zevran
XXX
The way some of the other Wardens would hover around her as she directed them made him feel... uncomfortable. The desire was there at those times to tell her to step away from her duties as the Warden Commander of Antiva. But he couldn't do that, not because he was incapable, but because he never wished to have that shadow over them again, or to sink into that pit where he had given in to the monster. Instead he made himself wait until she had a free moment before going to her side.
"Amora?" popping his head around the door.
Myai glanced up at him from setting her seal to parchment, "Hmm querido?"
It made him feel wrong for having that desire, and it frightened him sometimes when he would make himself go to her side. But he wouldn't give in, not ever again. Not for anything. So, he made himself go to her side and kneel on the floor beside her chair, his hands on her armrest.
"Amora, I.... I find myself in need, may I ask you to hold me for a moment?" such a request felt foolish, that five years later he still walked on eggshells. But it wasn't just to keep Myai happy or safe or with him that he did it. He did it because he wanted to. Because he needed to do this.
Myai's expression turned soft and her hand cupped his cheek, "Of course querido."
As he lay his head on her lap, with her fingers smoothing through his hair, Zevran let the blanket of security cover him. He was safe, she was safe, they were healing. The work on their lives and healing was ongoing, but it was still going. Many days he forgot, and was merely content, finding a bliss in the simple things, in the day to day business of the Guild and the Wardens. But sometimes he felt the snapping and snarling beast whispering to him that Myai would lash out and hurt him, waiting for a lull in his attention. Those times he would go straight to his wife and sink as soon as he could into that warm, gentle touch. His only pain was when he feared loss of control or when he looked back at what he had done wrong with his life, and the manner in which he had hurt the woman he loved. But he fought for her, for their daughter and son, to show them how a man should be, how a man should treat a woman.
XXX
Myai
XXX
She didn’t forget, not ever. It would haunt her for the rest of her life, but Myai knew that it was getting better. To live with the very man whose hands she had suffered under, to sleep beside him, to watch him play with the products of their loins, was at times almost too much to bear. When she gave birth to their son, the shock and horror of the memories had returned in full, any blunting of time and work wearing off during those long hours. However, Zevran had stood firm, weathering her terrorized screams of pain and resurfaced anguish, even as he whispered soothingly, massaging the agonized muscles of her sides and back. Every touch had been cautious and gentle - both to her and to Medorid. And when it was time for her to bring Zamianna into the world, the fear had dissipated.
So, Myai may not ever forget, but she had long since forgiven. Zevran never once asked for it, no doubt believing he hadn’t earned or deserved it. But the pervasive devotion and love he sent her way went a vast distance to repairing her. And that made Myai feel peace, and gave her strength to weather the occasional nightmare, which was usually spillover from him.
When he had run away, fleeing her for her own ‘safety’, Myai had found him in the Fade. The torture and agony he suffered in his dreams were the final thing, showing Myai just how much he loathed every single thing he had ever done to her. His nightmares were reenactments of those months under his control, in gory detail, and added experiences that hadn’t happened, filling in years worth of potential endings to their stories. The worst were when the beast had taken over and he wound up killing her, and he sat as some spider in the center of a web, casting death with every plucked strand. Zevran’s nightmares were the lodestone that had drawn her to him during that time when he had fled like a frightened little boy, to suffer alone and in the dark, rather than risk showing her how close the abyss was.
Zamianna began fussing, but Zevran lay a forestalling hand on Myai’s shoulder. “I will get her, you rest, querida.”
Gratefully Myai relaxed for more than one reason, sinking back into her large chair. “She’s probably hungry.”
Shortly Zevran returned, Zamianna tucked over his shoulder, rubbing her back while jiggling her up and down, even as their fussy daughter chewed at his tattooed skin. “As usual you are correct, amora.” The beatific smile on his face as he handed off Zamianna after wiping drool from her chubby cheeks, was beautiful. “I wonder what color her eyes will settle into...”
Swirling irises met Myai’s as her child latched on, pulling strongly at her nipple, already Zamianna’s eyes had gone from blue-black to brown, and now the colors shifted constantly, like there were tiny storms held in those orbs. “Who knows what future they see? The world in Medorid’s eyes is always new and bright. We can only hope that she sees the same.”
A delicate kiss was pressed to a small fist, and then Zevran pressed his mouth to hers, and Myai sighed into the taste of tea on his tongue. “And you, amora, make my world anew and bright.”
No, she probably would never fully forget, however, when Zevran looked at her like this, she did forget for the moment everything outside of their life, their world, and was whole.