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Chay was not okay. Of course, he was not okay. What part of this would let him be okay – or even let anyone be okay? Being a part of some sick game, yet not even knowing you were a part of it, for the second time in a row. Somehow, this hurts a lot worse. Well, of course, this hurts worse. What part of seeing your lover take multiple bullets for you wouldn’t hurt? This was the absolute worst kind of pain he’d ever felt. He was sure of it.
“Please, at least let me see him- You have to let me see him!” Chay was not above begging. His boyfriend was allegedly on life support, all because he took the hit for Chay. “Mr. Kim’s condition is worsening by the minute, and we have been instructed not to let in any visitors,” Said a bodyguard, shoving Chay back. He felt like a piece of his soul was ripped out right then and there.
“What?...” Chay knew Kim wasn’t able to make decisions like that right now, especially if he was unconscious. Plus, what kind of harm would letting Chay go inside do? Especially considering Korn went in! If anything, Kim would prefer anybody but his dad to be in the room with him, and Chay knew that personally. Kim despised his father. It was no secret.
If it were up to Chay, he wouldn’t have brought Kim to the compound to be treated. He would have taken Kim to a hospital far away from here, somewhere quiet and away from his father, just the way Kim would like it. Though, of course, not everything can go his way. But, at least something had to go his way, right!? He needed to see Kim.
“Visitors? Visitors!? I’m his boyfriend- We… We’re engaged! Am I still just a visitor!?” Chay was losing it. Gone was the once shy and polite boy who entered this compound all that time ago. Now, he has changed a lot. He was still his former self, of course. But, in situations like these, he no longer cowered away and awkwardly obeyed orders. No. Not anymore. He was adamant. He was going to see Kim. He needed to. He might actually die if he can’t.
So, he tried and tried. Over and over again. No matter how many times he got back up and got pushed away, he still asked to be let in, begged to be let in, and told them, he was going to go in. However, every struggle and fight he put up was futile. It was like trying to eat soup through a spoon with holes in it. Chay wouldn’t give up.
When Korn exited the room, he had a look on his face. Chay couldn’t describe it in any other way but fake sadness. A mockery. He knew a fake look when he saw one. What had that man done? Chay was fuming. He wasn’t about to sit back and be polite when his boyfriend was in danger. His fiance.
“How is he? Is Kim okay? Will he be okay? He’s fine, right!?” Chay was panicking, barely being held back by the bodyguards, as Korn just stared at him with an unreadable expression for a moment. It morphed into pity. Korn motioned for the bodyguards to ease up their grips on Chay before he ripped off the bandaid.
“We have come to a difficult choice, and someone had to act,” Korn started, and Chay’s struggles died instantly. The bodyguards seemed to ease up now that he wasn’t nearly charging head-first into Korn for answers. Maybe, he would have preferred no answers…
“We decided, that you wouldn’t be in the right headspace to make such a big decision,” Korn continued, and Chay felt as though every bit of his soul was being crushed by the corrupt man in front of him. “We?” Chay let out a bitter laugh, that was cut off by his own tears. “Who’s we!?” He yelled, tensing up as the bodyguards now had a firmer hold on him again.
“His sacrifice was for a great cause. I’m sure he loved you until his very last moment,” Korn approached Chay, and pat him on the shoulder. He touched Chay’s shoulder with his disgusting hand. Chay fell to the ground the moment the bodyguards let go of him, when Korn walked away, and his vision instantly blurred with tears. What has happened? What even…
“Let me go inside,” Chay said, his voice shaking as he forced himself to stand up, even though every limb of his body felt like jelly. He was denied entry. So, he begged again, and again… And, also was denied, again, and again. The amount of pain he felt was worse than death. He was sure of it. He’d prefer death over this. He’d rather be the one who took the bullets. Why wasn’t he the one who took the bullets? – His mind was a hurricane that was causing a mental crash, in the worst possible way.
Chay didn’t go down without a fight. Not even as Big pitifully stepped in and dragged him away. The only bodyguard Kim ever let in his apartment, near it, or near Chay. Big was more daring than most, less caring of the repercussions he’d face, and more willing to step into danger to protect those he cared for, than most. Kim always liked that about him. It was enough for him to trust him near Chay, well, after analyzing his methods and ways for about a year or two before, even thinking about it. But, who needed to know that…?
Kim woke up to the worst sight ever. And, that was his father towering over him. He scowled, looking away, even though the slightest of movements hurt. He refused to look at that man’s face. He was dead to Kim.
Upon looking around, Kim noticed a lack of Chay. All of a sudden, the pain he felt was nothing but a dull throb compared to his panic. “Looking for someone who didn’t even bother to show up, when your own father is here for you?” His father said, no, Korn. That man didn’t deserve to be called a father. He didn’t deserve to be alive.
“What are you going on about?” Kim snapped back, his voice hoarse and scratchy in a way it hadn’t been in years. He sounded like death. “Where is he? Where is Chay?” Kim asked immediately. He didn’t even know how long it had been since he got shot. He didn’t really care. He cared about Chay, and if he was okay. He had to be, right? Kim remembered vaguely… He’d stepped in front of him, and he also remembered Big ushering him into the car, before everything blacked out.
“He didn’t bother to come visit you. And, such a shame, you took so many bullets for him too,” Korn said, his gaze calculating and prying, as if he were taking apart every last thing about Kim. That made his skin crawl. “Cut the bullshit,” Kim snapped, not taking Korn’s word at all. He knew better. His father was a wicked man. Nothing he said or did was to be trusted.
“That’s not a way to speak to your own father,” Korn’s lips formed an almost straight line, and he didn’t seem too pleased with Kim. But, in reality, when has he ever been pleased with Kim? Never. Kim was always a disappointment, a failure, just a disposable weapon. Nothing would ever change. Kim knew.
“Where is he?” Kim asked again, and Korn just smiled. Kim wanted to shoot him square in between his eyes. “Well, Khimhant,” Kim scowled at Korn again. “Porchay just so happens to be out of the game, now,” Korn said, and the color drained from Kim’s face.
“What does that mean?” Kim asked, anger brewing inside as he watched Korn turning to leave. “What the fuck does that mean!? What have you done!?” Kim’s tone rose, but his throat hurt, and he broke out into a fit of coughs when trying to yell. He tried to sit up, but he couldn’t. It hurt too much, he couldn’t tough it out. He tried to find his phone, but it was nowhere to be seen. Not his watch, not his phone. Nothing was near him! Kim teared up as his head hit the pillow behind him, feeling hopeless. He hoped Chay was okay. He hoped Big was with him. He could only trust Big, at this point.
On the other end, Chay refused to leave the apartment. He stayed cooped up and isolated, rarely even getting out of bed. If it wasn’t for Big stepping up and telling him that he had to eat something, he would probably let himself starve. Even then, Chay only ate the bare minimum. He didn’t have an appetite lately. He constantly felt sick to his stomach, and every time he even ate a little bit, his body threatened to immediately expel it.
Porsche tried reaching out to Chay, Kinn tried, and even Tankhun did. Chay refused everyone’s advances, and he wanted nothing to do with anybody. He wanted to be alone. His phone had died a long while back and he didn’t even bother putting it on the charger either, as he didn’t get out of bed to use it anyway. The only reason why he knew his brother and the others were reaching out to him, was because Big would inform him of it, pitifully suggesting he try to take care of himself to which Chay always just shut the door on him.
Chay had frequent nightmares, some ranging from the memory of his first time being kidnapped, to watching Kim being shot, to much worse and gruesome images that always led to Kim’s death. Though sometimes, he’d get slightly better dreams. Some about the day Kim proposed to him, some about their game nights and date nights, and some were just… Weird. In the more peculiar ones, he always woke up in a sweat, with someone telling him that Kim was still alive.
Whether it’d be a dream depiction of his brother, Kinn, or even the random faceless people. He was getting those dreams more often than not, lately. It was kind of unsettling, but at the same time, it always ended with him in tears, because he was told Kim was dead. Korn had pulled the plug, hadn’t he? It was a true nightmare to wake up without Kim beside him. To find out that everything wasn’t a messed-up dream, but a messed-up reality.
Chay sometimes would sit in Kim’s room and stare blankly, getting disturbing mental images of him ending his life, and sometimes he’d find himself actually holding that bottle of pills from his vision, or that tie, or knife… Or, Kim’s gun.
So, it was a surprise to Chay, when he was getting shoved up against a wall, with the gun being tackled out of his grip. He didn’t have much of a grip anyway, to begin with, so he let go without much struggle, in the moment of panic. He was caught off guard due to the sudden intrusion, and suddenly everything Kim had ever taught him flew out of his mind.
“Who-” He was about to assume it was Big, as no one else was allowed in (and, he doubted the possibility of a break-in, even if it was possible), but quickly came to realize it wasn’t Big. It was Kim. “No,” Chay suddenly said, shaking his head and turning around. Kim was dead, wasn’t he? Was Chay really hallucinating, now? This was unfair. So unfair. Why did the world keep taunting him with Kim, if it took him away!?
“Was that really what I taught you?” Kim spoke. It was Kim. It sounded just like him, but… “To turn your back when there’s an intruder or someone who could be a threat? What if I was someone else, hm? What would I do if you got hurt?” That was Kim. It was definitely Kim.
Chay turned around almost instantly, and nearly tackled Kim down with a hug, sobbing as he held him so tight it had to hurt – and, judging by Kim’s wincing, it did, so Chay loosened up his grip. “What- You… But, you-” Chay was lost, in tears, scared, and happy, he felt a lot of things, right now. But, relief was the most prominent thing that he felt, for sure.
“It’s me. I’m real,” Kim grabbed Chay’s hand and placed it on the side of his face, and Chay broke down all over again. “I’m sorry I took so long,” Kim said, frowning a bit as he saw how devastated Chay seemed. Chay looked like he hadn’t showered in a very long time, and Kim wouldn’t be surprised to hear he hadn’t been eating properly either, as he did look like he lost some weight. Chay had not been taking care of himself, lately. It broke him to see Chay like that. He never wanted to be the reason why Chay cried, but now he was, again.
“We’re going to talk about what you were doing with my gun like that, later, but for now…” Kim trailed off for a moment, before deciding he’d just get to the point. “What did he tell you?” Kim needed to get to the bottom of this right now. No one else would tell him, and the ones who could’ve, well… “Th- That he… He pulled the plug- That- You… You were gone,” Chay was really heartbroken, he was shaking, and he was clearly scared. It was no surprise. And, Kim was sure that if he was in Chay’s position, he would feel no less.
“No, angel,” Kim said, with a frustrated sigh. Though, the anger wasn’t directed at Chay, but rather at those who kept him in the dark like that – who lied, like that. “It never… It wasn’t that bad. I was okay… I just… I couldn’t move, I tried and tried, but-” Kim sighed again, hugging Chay close to himself. He was still healing, but he was a lot better now. “Did you… Ever come to see me? Or… Try?” Kim had to clear his own misconception too. It’s not that he believed his father, but it would be nice to just hear it.
“Of course, I did! Kim, I tried so hard, but they wouldn’t let me go see you. They said- They… They said that no one was allowed to visit you, and then- Then they made Big take me away, and-” Chay was spiraling down again, the memories hurt so bad. He had wanted to be by Kim’s side, but that choice was ripped away from him before he even had a chance.
“Kim, Kim, oh my gosh, you’re bleeding,” Chay was panicking even worse now, and Kim shook his head, lifting his shirt slightly to assure Chay that he wasn’t bleeding. That wasn’t his blood. He would like to put Chay at ease, to relieve him of the possibility of something like this ever happening again.
“Kim…?” Chay murmured, in a questioning tone. Kim stared at him for a moment, before placing down the gun he’d wrangled away from Chay earlier. “It just so happens… That he’s out of the game,” Kim said, almost mocking his father"s words. “Or, more like… He lost at his own game,” Kim said, watching the emotions going through Chay’s face, closely.
Chay had paused for a moment, before stepping forward again and hugging Kim, tight. He cried onto his shoulder again, pinching himself multiple times to try and reassure himself this was real.
It was real. It was very real. Kim was okay. Korn was finally gone.