Work Text:
As the hot summer sun begins to sink below the horizon, Sumeru city cools down both literally and metaphorically. The hustle and bustle of the day quietens to a low hum as the people meander towards the tavern or back to their homes to wind down, their relaxation aided by the cool evening chill that sets over the city.
Even at the Akedemiya, people are leaving in a steady stream out of the large double doors, eager to rest after a gruelling day of work. Alhaitham, though outwardly looking far less affected by the trials and tribulations of his work day, is just as eager as anyone else to finally leave his ever-growing pile of paperwork. For being such an "auspicious position" as people claimed, the (Acting) Grand Sage seems to still be bothered with the most trivial proposals that "absolutely needed his signature, it is imperative, sir." That particular researcher had had to be ushered out of his office by the guards he'd somehow snuck by, only relenting from his incessant begging after Alhaitham threatened to have him banned from the Akademiya as a whole. Alhaitham scoffed at the memory. The man's impassioned begging did remind him of someone in particular though. His thumb runs over the lion keychain in his pocket. Maybe that person will be waiting at the door, face flushed from angrily pacing as he waits impatiently for Alhaitham to return. Alhaitham suppresses the smirk that forms on his face at the image.
As he rounds the corner to his home he is not, in fact, met with dishevelled blond hair, frustrated hands having jostled red clips out of place. As he cast a searching glance, Alhaitham catches sight of a flash of blond, framed by golden rays as they dip below the sweeping canopy of the city. Kaveh sits precariously on the thin ledge overlooking the city, his back to the house. He has an empty bottle of wine next to him and another in his hand.
"Have you stooped so low as to display your alcoholism outside my doorstep?"
Alhaitham hears an almost inaudible sigh before an aggrieved Kaveh replies, "If it bothers the Grand Scribe so much, he is welcome to try and stop me himself." Interesting. An invitation, though Alhaitham only knows this from years of navigating the barbs of Kaveh's way of speech. Alhaitham makes his way over unhurried, stopping just before the railing that now separates him from Kaveh.
Kaveh does not turn back to look at Alhaitham, legs swinging absentmindedly like the leaves that bracket their view of the city below. He instead takes a swig out of the bottle of wine in his hand before setting it down beside him.
"You know... Sometimes I wish I didn't have to overcompensate for some facet of my personality all the time."
Now Kaveh turns back to look at Alhaitham, scrutinising his face for a reaction. Alhaitham only raises an eyebrow, a silent request for Kaveh to elaborate rather than out of judgment as it usually is. Kaveh seems to understand, as he somehow always does, and huffs before beginning to explain.
"Every time I interact with people I'm always trying to compensate for something. "You're too emotional Kaveh" "Stop being so idealistic" "Man up!" Everyone has something to say."
"Well, they're not completely - "
Kaveh sighs. "Not now, Alhaitham."
So it's one of those nights. Alhaitham carefully steps over the railing, proceeding to sit beside Kaveh. The other man contemplates his bottle of wine with a complicated mix of frustration and sadness straining his expression, drawing his eyebrows together before he finally begins to speak once more.
"I want to say these words don't affect me. But, god I don't know some days I..." Kaveh takes a shuddering breath before continuing, "I wish I didn't have to be more of that or less of this or just, oh I don't know, nothing! Sometimes, they just want me to be nothing too." Another breath, though this one seems to rattle through Kaveh's body harsher than the last "...It feels like...No one truly wants me around if I act fully as myself."
Kaveh gazes down at the city despondently before turning to look at Alhaitham once more. Alhaitham has to resist a sharp intake of breath. Kaveh has always had the more expressive face out of the two of them. He wears his heart on his sleeve, something many people, including Alhaitham, have stated. Alhaitham now wishes he couldn't so clearly see the depth of Kaveh's anguish. Kaveh's eyes burn with it and Alhaitham nearly drowns in the flames.
Something in his expression must give him away because Kaveh scoffs.
"Hey don't look at me like that I'm not going to do anything drastic! It's just... exhausting trying to fit these expectations. Especially because if I don't and if people don't like me... Hell, if even if one out of a hundred people didn't like me ... My whole job my whole LIFE hinges on them liking me, Alhaitham!" He sighs, turning away once more. "You wouldn't understand."
"You're right. I think it's pointless and futile to try and meet the expectations of every single person."
"Ha! I knew - "
"So justify it."
Kaveh nearly falls over in his haste to turn around, desperate in his need to confirm the seriousness of Alhaitham's request. Alhaitham subconsciously leans over the railing to grasp his shoulder, steadying him without looking away from the city.
"Huh? You - You actually want to know?"
"It is the source of your current distress and knowing you, you won't stop brooding out here until the mosquitos decide you're dinner. In the interest of not having to deal with your future incessant whining, -"
"Ah, so that's the real reas-"
He continues as though Kaveh never interrupted, "I'll attempt to understand your perspective. So tell me, why is it so important? I truly see no reason why just one person's opinion of you should affect your whole career, especially when you're as established and well-praised as you are. Not to mention the hours of work you dedicate to perfecting any job well beyond the scope of the project and to your personal detriment, might I add. Your work speaks for itself. Is that not what you always say? So, why?"
Alhaitham takes a breath. He hadn't meant to go on as long as he did but something in Kaveh's expression urged him to convince the other man to speak his mind. Besides, Kaveh can be surprisingly stubborn about expressing these kinds of thoughts, no matter how open his face is. Speaking of which, as Alhaitham looks down to meet Kaveh's gaze, he notices Kaveh's face seems a bit redder than before, despite not having taken another swig of wine. Curious. Perhaps the night's chill is affecting him more than usual.
"Ughhh you- Sometimes I can't understand - Fine. tomorrow. I'll tell you tomorrow."
"What's wrong with now? You were perfectly content to complain mere moments ago."
"Because complaining is easy, Alhaitham. It's much too difficult to come up with a coherent explanation after 2 bottles of dandelion wine."
"Or maybe you just don't have an explanation at all."
An indignant squawk accompanies Kaveh's "I do!"
Alhaitham only quirks an eyebrow, teasing this time.
"Oh that is it I will have a fully written thesis on this by tomorrow morning, that will shut you up, won't it, you bull-headed, academic obsessed, arrogant-"
As Kaveh's tirade of insults continues, Alhaitham quirks his lip in the barest hint of a smile. And as always, Kaveh recognises it for what it is.
"Don't laugh at me you brute! Ugh!" Seeming to have exhausted his irritation, he continues more calmly, "Tomorrow, Alhaitham. Ask me tomorrow when I'm more lucid." Kaveh's head drops onto Alhaitham's shoulder, the familiar scent of Padisarahs washing over Alhaitham. "For now... let's...sit like this a while longer."
"Alright."
Even with the looming threat of needing copious amounts of coconut oil to ease the itching burn of mosquito bites, neither of them moves to go inside, content to look over the city in comfortable silence as soft silvery moonlight greets them through the breaks in the shadowy canopy above.