Chapter Text
Tuesday, day 17
Eddie woke up without actually realizing that it happened, feeling like his eyes were open for hours already.
He turned his head to see Buck’s sleeping form; curled up on his side, his face full of pillow creases and his hair a flat and yet still bird-nest-like mess on top of his head — and not for the first time, Eddie couldn’t help but feel a pang of longing at the sight.
He crawled out of bed quietly, careful not to wake Buck and slipped out of the room to start his morning ritual. As he was going through the motions, all he could think about was Buck effectively living in his house; how they saw each other at work and yet still spent every waking (and now sleeping) moment together, about how Eddie initiated as far as he could dare to go and Buck still wouldn’t take the leap.
The invitation was hanging between them in the air for months at this point and if Eddie was still waiting for an answer, maybe he already got one.
He brushed his teeth, all the while frowning into the mirror; his mind was running a mile a minute between whatever the hell he’s left in his bed and whatever the hell was waiting for him on the other side of his door.
The funeral was in the late afternoon, preceded by a memorial service at Cottonwood Church and followed by a reception at the family’s house. Which meant that they had to be out the door just about two o’clock.
The hours leading up to that felt heavy, to say the least. Eddie could feel Buck’s worried looks on the back of his neck all throughout, sticking there like he accidentally rolled into flypaper. Eddie couldn’t blame Buck for it much, but by god, did it make him feel like shit; like some fragile porcelain doll that couldn’t handle the pressure without snapping.
And he could handle it, damnit. He’s done this before and he’ll do it again.
After coming back from his first tour in Afghanistan, they sent out dates and locations for all upcoming funerals and Eddie had spent five days driving around in his old truck, wearing his cheap suit, sweating yellow stains into his white shirt and trying to get to all the places that he could afford the gas money to.
That was the one time of Eddie being selfish and leaving Shannon to deal with Christopher alone that she never rowed up for him — and he was still thankful for that to this day.
Those funerals were different, however. Most of those soldiers he’s never met or only so briefly that he probably wouldn’t have recognized them on the street — though after that, he made a great effort to commit their faces into his memory, by staring at their framed smiles at ceremonies day in and day out.
This time, he was attending the service for someone who, inadvertently so, but saved his life and Bosko’s. Ramirez made the ultimate sacrifice and the least Eddie could do was to honor his memory.
After spending twenty minutes just pushing their breakfasts from one side to the other on their plates, the idea of lunch never even came up. They just drifted from one room to another, trying to find chores to fill in the time before they could dress up and go.
Buck left just about an hour before two, because even with as much time as he spent here and with how he was now permanently sleeping in Eddie’s bed — he didn’t actually live here and his dress uniform was still at the loft.
Eddie felt a sense of unease at the thought that this hour was the longest time they’ve spent apart ever since he came back, and how small and insignificant it should’ve been and how it was anything but that.
He stood in front of the mirror, with his socked feet pressing heavily into the carpet as he went through the ritual of motions; he buttoned up his shirt over his singlet, then looped his belt around his waist and tightened it, tucking his shirt in tight and tidy. He corrected the collar, then the cuffs. There.
For finishing touches, he secured the black band over his badge and laced up his shiny shoes, tightening them harshly with two pointed squeaks, before he straightened up, grabbed his phone and his keys — then finally, he snapped his hat under his arm with a sharp inhale.
His reflection stared back at him, unwrinkled and heavy-browed.
Buck said he’d be back just five minutes before two. Eddie looked at his watch; one more minute.
He stood there in the hallway, straightening his back and staring at the door, contemplating the task that was ahead of him. Honoring someone who honored him without ever knowing, paying his respects to a hero; a friend and a stranger, all in one.
He took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob.
The Jeep was just pulling up on the driveway behind Eddie’s truck. He sighed out a silent breath and made his way over to Buck.
He was sitting behind the wheel with a solemn expression on his face, wearing his dress blues, mirroring Eddie. The shirt stretched across his pecs tightly — the last time Eddie saw him wear it was at the ceremony in honor of Chief Williams’ 30th year of service, and that was just about a year ago; he’s gotten even bigger since. Of course, that didn’t come as a surprise to Eddie, he was well aware of Buck’s physique, but it was just all the more prominent at times like this.
A welcome distraction, if anything.
“Ready?” Buck looked up and Eddie gave him a curt nod before rounding the hood and getting into the car beside him.
He wasn’t sure his mouth could handle talking just yet.
~ E ~
The service started with the chaplain’s speech, the reading of a passage and the choir singing Amazing Grace, which was followed by Captain Mehta’s listing of Ramirez’s achievements and giving a shorter, more personal speech about his time at the station.
Eddie immediately noticed Bosko, where she was sitting at the end of the row with her crutches by her side, and he couldn’t help but draw the comparison between her appearance now and Buck’s at Eddie’s badge ceremony all those years ago; the dress blues, the crutches and the full-leg cast. It was all there, yet the occasion was much more dire than back then.
Eddie knew that their teams often worked together, due to the proximity of their stations, but he had no idea just how close Bosko and Ramirez were. What he did know with certainty however, was the loyalty of one Lena Bosko; hard lost and ever harder earned.
And saving her life would be one hell of a way to earn it.
Throughout most of the ceremony, all Eddie could think about was the way Ramirez looked when he washed up against the semi; with his skin yellow, his face bloated and his teeth pink, unidentifiable, if not for the number of his house; a sign of a family he belonged to.
The number that meant home and salvation at the same time as it did his deliverance from this mortal life — as Captain Mehta had put it in his speech. He made sure to not just include Ramirez’s heroic deeds leading up to his death, but his very last one that came just after.
Eddie looked over at Bosko again and watched the tendon jump in her jaw as she clenched her teeth together, he saw that as her accepting the sacrifice and only hoping to be worthy of it.
Eddie knew how she felt, because he was feeling the same way.
Ramirez had two daughters — one of them only a year older than Christopher. They both sat in the front row, their mother’s arms around their shoulders as the younger one wept silently, while the older one sat ramrod straight, with a tight expression and shiny eyes.
Eddie couldn’t help but think it wasn’t just that it could’ve been him, but that it should’ve been him. They were on the same team, they were but a mere few feet away from each other when the water hit, yet Eddie was here and Ramirez wasn’t.
He remembered what Buck had told him in the hospital, about how feeling guilty and sorry for himself won’t change what happened, but damn, was it hard not to feel that way right now.
After the service, the department started its march down LA’s streets towards Hugo Ramirez’s final resting place, their loud and rhythmic steps accompanied by the wailing sound of bagpipes and the quiet murmur of tires rolling over misplaced gravel.
Eddie could feel something heavy and metallic curl up in his stomach, not unlike barbed wire, giving him a sensation that had nothing to do with physical sickness — Shannon used to call this feeling ‘soul nausea’ and the sudden thought of her only made Eddie hold his head up higher.
Before the service, all LAFD members have been instructed on their place in the line and their order in the march. Buck and Eddie, as representatives of the 118, walked in the fifth row beside each other, with clipped steps and tight jaws.
Walking between the white headstones, the sharp needles of that imaginary barbed wire pierced through Eddie’s stomach even deeper. A lot of different thoughts have flashed across his mind, each trampled by a new one with every step he took.
Eddie thought about Buck’s face as he slammed him up against the side of the ambulance, he thought about the brightness of his son’s face when he stepped through the door after nearly five days of absence, about the paleness of Bosko’s lips before rescue arrived. He thought about Buck saying I wanted to be the one carrying you down with such a haunted look on his face that the mere memory of it made his knees buckle.
He also thought about Buck’s face in the morning as he turned towards Eddie in bed, he thought about the light of the giant fish tanks draped over Christopher’s entire form, coating his smile into an ethereal blue. He thought about last year, watching Buck laid up in a hospital bed; unconscious and barely alive, hooked up on the ECMO with a mortifying 25% chance of survival.
He thought about the day Buck came over and fell asleep on his couch and the other night as they sat around the kitchen table, chewing on grilled cheese sandwiches and making jokes. He thought about how he never wanted that to change.
Suddenly, he was ripped out of his visions by Buck’s cold hand enveloping his own, squeezing tight enough to hurt.
“Buck?” Eddie whipped his head into his direction, but he just kept staring ahead.
“Not now.” He gritted through his teeth and before Eddie could’ve said anything to that, Buck let go of his hand just as quickly as he grabbed it.
Apparently, they arrived at the burial site.
They took their seats and listened to the gunshots and the bell rings and the good words — and all Eddie could do was just sit there and let them swallow him up whole.
After the funeral, they paid their respects to the family. Eddie expressed his condolences to Ramirez’s wife and when she hugged him and buried her wet face into his collar, he tried his best not to scream and revolt, feeling undeserving of her kindness and understanding.
Buck just patted him on the shoulder with a stoic expression, before he left him to join Hen and Chim, who were talking to some members of the 133 — people Eddie’s only vaguely recognized from seeing them around on bigger calls over the years.
“How you holding up, Diaz?” Bosko hobbled up to him with a similarly miserable expression that he imagined his own to be.
“I’m not the one in the casket.” He jerked a shoulder upwards in a poor excuse of a shrug.
“That’s exactly why you shouldn’t look like it’s your funeral.” Bosko frowned at him.
“Oh, you’re one to talk.” Eddie allowed himself a tiny smirk that Bosko reciprocated with a tired sigh of her own, leaning all the heavier on her crutches.
“Eddie, we made it out. Like it or not, people died but we lived.”
“Lena…”
“It’s time for you to live, Eddie.” She nodded her head behind Eddie, where Buck stood around with the others, but unlike them, he wasn’t engrossed in conversation. He was staring ahead of himself with a dark expression, seemingly only seconds away from bursting the glass in his hand into tiny splinters, if the whiteness of his knuckles were anything to go by. “All you gotta do is open your mouth. I know it ain’t easy… but nothing changes, if nothing changes.”
“That’s deep.” Eddie snorted, but his heart wasn’t in it. He knew Bosko was right; they came to the end of the line. It was time for Eddie to hear those words from Buck, otherwise he would never move on.
“Just think about it.” Bosko sighed with a gentle expression on her face and Eddie couldn’t help but to step closer and tug her into a one-armed hug. She wiggled her fingers around her crutches until she was able to return the gesture somewhat.
They stayed like that for a moment, enjoying a physical closeness neither of them was used to before the muddy water first hit the side of that semi, and one that was about survival and belonging, in a way that Eddie never knew could feel so comforting and so raw at the same time.
“I think it’s time for us to go.” Eddie murmured into Bosko’s ear before fully stepping back.
“Us, huh?”
“Please don't.” Eddie groaned quietly, but he could feel a tiny smile rounding out his cheeks anyway.
“I won’t.” She smirked.
~ E ~
Soon enough, Eddie and Buck made their goodbyes and expressed their condolences one last time, before walking out to the Jeep.
Eddie wasn’t exactly sure what it was, but something… shifted.
The air around Buck felt colder, harsher — and Eddie had the irrational thought that the imaginary barbed wire in his stomach was Buck all along.
He started the car wordlessly the second Eddie’s belt clicked into place, then drove in silence all the way home.
Eddie kept thinking about the way Buck squeezed his hand in the cemetery and Bosko’s words at the reception. It all had to come out eventually, and now was as good a time as any, right?
He couldn’t help but feel bile rising in his throat with the words that were begging to crawl out of it, only his heart never felt strong enough to utter them.
Not strong enough to hear the answer, more like.
Shutting off the engine, Buck got out of the car and marched towards the door, letting Eddie follow him a few steps behind, slamming the car door shut with a dull thud.
Eddie walked through the door just in time to see Buck give a kiss to Carla’s cheek, before he’d disappear down the hall. He followed suit and thanked Carla for staying with Chris and at her worrying frown, he reassured her that they were okay, even though he wasn’t all that confident that he was telling the truth.
After the door clicked shut behind her, Eddie followed Buck’s steps, finding him in the kitchen. The small of his back was propped against the edge of the sink and his arms were crossed over his chest, stretching his dress blues all the tighter around his muscles; a position seemingly defensive, yet still rather threatening for someone his size.
After the crowd and the noise, it was suddenly deafeningly silent as they stood, staring at each other in Eddie’s dimly lit kitchen; a place that held many memories of good times and fights at this point.
A kitchen that wasn’t just a kitchen anymore, but an arena open for honesty and vulnerability.
“Hey, are you okay?” Eddie tried tentatively.
“No. No, I don’t think I am.” Buck huffed and his gaze was so sharp, Eddie could feel it pierce straight through his soul.
“What’s going on, Buck? Talk to me.” He stepped closer, leaving just enough space for Buck to pull away and leave if he wanted to.
“That could’ve been your funeral, Eddie.” The statement was obvious. After all, Eddie was thinking the same thing.
“It wasn’t.” He said simply, instantly remembering Bosko’s words. People died but we lived.
“But it could’ve been! Yeah, you’re- you’re back safe now and I-I’m glad, Eddie, trust me, I am. But all those days going out there a-and coming back without you? I thought about walking Christopher out to your funeral. I thought a-about- about what I’m gonna say to Pepa and your abuela and your parents and… Eddie. It was a really close call this time.”
Eddie’s shoulders sagged with a heavy sigh. He dragged his palms down his face in an attempt to gather all his strength for one last time, to finally, actually deal with this.
“Look, Buck. I know it wouldn’t have been easy, but I’m sure you would’ve managed—”
“I know I would’ve.” Buck dismissed him harshly. “That’s not the point, Eddie. The- the point is that I don’t want to, okay? I love Christopher, that kid is my world, you know that. But dammit, Eddie… don’t make me raise him alone.” Buck spit the last of it with his eyes teary and his face red. An expression Eddie was more than familiar with, and yet it made his ribs feel impossibly tight every time it was directed at him.
The expression wasn’t the only thing familiar. Buck’s words have suddenly transported him back into his room, sitting on his bed and listening to a message left for him by a desperate, broken man. The very same one standing in front of him, on the edge of breaking yet again — and it was entirely Eddie’s fault.
“Buck…” He breathed and he couldn’t help but to bundle Buck up into a hug and tug his face onto his own shoulder, bending Buck’s large frame, just to murmur soothing little nothings into the top of his head, like he wished he could’ve comforted the Buck who sobbed and begged into his phone weeks ago, while Eddie was still out there in the woods, waiting to be found. “Okay, okay, hey. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m right here.”
Buck hiccupped into his collar just like Ramirez’s widow not two hours ago and he only pulled back when his breathing started to even out. Eddie let his hands shift with him, landing on his damp cheeks, not quite ready to let go yet.
“I’m sorry.” Buck mumbled.
“Hey, it’s alright.”
“I’m making this all about myself again, aren’t I?” Buck asked sheepishly, his red rimmed eyes shiny with his drying tears.
Eddie tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat, but it was to no avail. Instead, though historically, this was the part he spectacularly failed at each time he tried; he made an attempt to articulate what he needed to say — or more accurately, what Buck needed to hear.
After all; nothing changes, if nothing changes, right?
“You know, the whole time while we were out there… I was thinking about heaven. I always thought that it was this great place where you’re happy all the time, right? And I kept thinking… there is no way I could feel happy and at peace without Christopher and you there. I thought- I thought, if I die now and go to heaven, I might as well go to hell, because without you guys, every day would be empty.” Eddie’s voice petered out into a whisper as his gaze locked onto Buck’s to make sure he understood. “I thought about that morning too, the one just before the landslide. Having breakfast together, talking, laughing… that’s it, Buck, that’s heaven. That’s my heaven.”
This was what he had tried to explain to Buck when he was ready to leave, just hours after Eddie finally made it home. This was what it all boiled down to, in the end.
Eddie’s lips wobbled as he remembered sitting out there in the cold rain, cradling Bosko’s weakening body and thinking this was it, that this time this was really, truly it. Just waiting for death to come and knowing that there’d be no true salvation in it either way.
“Eddie… Jesus. C’mere.” Buck clawed at his triceps and tugged until they were hugging again, his cheek pressed into Buck’s, while he locked his hands over the small of Eddie’s back.
There was always something about the way Buck hugged and Eddie could never really tell if it was because of his size (getting hugged by someone bigger than him became something of a novelty as Eddie grew up and started to build up muscles of his own) or if it was just something fundamentally Buck about it that made him feel this way, but he couldn’t help but crave the touch and melt into it every single time.
“I thought you weren’t religious.” Buck murmured into his ear.
“I’m not. Not really.” Eddie whispered in response, his fingers digging even harder into Buck’s shoulders. “But I’d like to believe that after I’m finished here, there is still something waiting for me, you know?”
“Yeah,” Buck sighed heavily, sounding every bit as someone who had thought about this extensively — and given his history, he probably had.
After a handful of seconds, they pulled apart and Eddie silently mourned the loss of Buck’s touch as he took his hands away from his back to lean back against the counter yet again. He was now looking at Eddie with bright eyes and an almost smile, but said nothing.
And all Eddie could think was; this was an admission if there ever was one.
And yet Buck just stood there like nothing has changed between them at all. As if Eddie didn’t just call Buck his heaven, as if he didn’t just deliver the cheesiest speech of his entire goddamn life.
And well… Eddie was suddenly seething.
He tried to give space and time but this was ridiculous. They either had to cross the threshold or shut the door, but this back and forth was just not cutting it anymore.
There were only so many ways to say this.
“Damnit, Buck. What do you want?” He took a large step back, throwing his arms up helplessly.
“What?” Buck was clearly taken aback by the sudden shift in mood, but Eddie couldn’t exactly say that he cared.
Not now. Not anymore.
“What do you want. From me.” Eddie gritted through his clenched teeth.
Distantly, he recognized that this sudden rage wasn’t coming from this conversation or even from this very moment in the present, but from all the time they have spent together in the last couple of months, building and boiling under the surface with every failed attempt to put a period at the end of a sentence, instead of yet another question mark. And maybe Buck was fine with it going on forever, but Eddie couldn’t take it anymore.
Buck’s expression suddenly turned panicky and wild. With his eyes wide and his lips apart, he looked like some kind of prey animal, just about ready to bolt.
“Don’t make me say it, Eddie.” He pleaded weakly.
“No, Buck, that’s it. I want you to say it. I want you to fucking spell it out for me, because I can’t make up my mind here.” The nervous energy finally made its way into Eddie’s feet, prompting him to pace up and down his kitchen tiles.
“Eddie, please…”
“No ‘please’, Buck. You keep giving me mixed signals and I get it, okay? I know, our situation is kind of unique with you and Christopher being this close and all, but Buck. You don’t have to play along just for him, you can reject me and I promise, nothing’s gonna change, but I just can’t do this anymore.”
“Re- uh reject you?” Buck frowned, his previous expression giving way to utter confusion.
“That’s what we’ve been building up to, isn’t it?” Eddie stopped in front of him again, spreading his arms wide, opening himself up like someone ready to be executed.
“No, Eddie, that’s not—”
“Then what is it, Buck?” He snapped impatiently, making Buck visibly deflate. He sighed heavily and crossed his arms over his broad chest once again. Unlike a moment ago, now he seemed more resigned than desperate.
The sharp shifts and turns in mood were about ready to make Eddie’s head spin, but he couldn’t exactly say that he was surprised; after all, neither of them was ever really good at staying still.
“Come on, Eddie, think about it. I’m here all the time, we- we cook and clean together, I-I spend just about the same time with Christopher as you do… We have a routine for doing the dishes, for fuck’s sake!”
“Yes, exactly. What’s your point, Buck?” He asked, feeling a faint echo of his conversation about the very same topic with Bosko rattle through him, as he remembered sitting atop an upturned semi in the cold rain and munching on his Reece’s Cups — except this time, somehow he found himself on the other end of the rope.
“My- my point is that a-after spending years playing house, you can’t expect me not to just fall madly in love with you.” Buck turned a wistful smile towards Eddie and somehow it was enough for him to drop all of his defenses, along with his arms and just entirely stop in his tracks — physically and mentally.
Unlike Eddie’s words from earlier, it didn’t sound like a confession, more so like a fact of life. The sun comes up in the East and settles in the West, and Buck is in love with Eddie.
Madly, apparently.
But the way Buck said it still left a way for something bitter, something hurt. As if it was a fact he couldn’t change, but desperately wished to do so anyway.
“Buck.” Eddie breathed for lack of anything better to say.
“Sorry.” Buck answered sheepishly, dropping his gaze somewhere beside his feet.
Eddie was trying his best to put the picture together, but after all they’ve been through; after spending every waking moment together, sharing space and for all intents and purposes, a life… he just couldn’t quite wrap his head around it.
Did Buck seriously not know? It didn’t sound like that. Actually, it sounded like he knew perfectly well what was going on.
“So then… why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Eddie… i-it’s not that I didn’t want to but… I had a lot of crappy relationships before a-and this thing we have going for us… it’s so good, Eddie. We have it so good and- and I guess, I was just afraid that you’re in it for all the wrong reasons.”
“What? Buck, what are you even talking about?” Eddie frowned, his fingers itching to reach out, yet feeling like this just wasn’t the time for that.
“You- you told me, the night you came back, you told me that you needed me.” Buck explained quietly, letting his gaze scout a spot somewhere on Eddie’s right cheek, without crawling high enough to actually meet his eyes.
“Yeah.” Eddie sighed at the seemingly distant memory. There has been so much happening lately, was it really only a week ago?
“It’s not that I didn’t know that before, you know.” Buck sighed softly.
“Then?”
Buck sagged harder against the sink, lifting his chin towards the ceiling, like he was trying to pull strength from there for what he was about to say.
“Being needed and being wanted isn’t the same thing, Eddie.” Buck started. His voice was even but so hushed, Eddie felt inclined to hold his breath, lest that’d drown it out. “Wanting is a choice and you didn’t choose me. You never actually chose me, Eds. Y-you needed help and I volunteered — which by the way, I don’t regret for a second. But- but you didn’t choose me, you just let me… stick around. And now you’re so used to me that you’ve got the wrong idea about who a-and what we are to each other.”
“Buck…”
Buck shrugged, but there was an incredible heaviness to it; yet again a fact he wished to change but for the life of him, he couldn’t.
“People always need me. For help, for support, for…” For spare parts, he didn’t say, but Eddie heard it anyway.
“Buck, are you insane? How could you possibly think that I don’t want you?” Buck’s gaze finally landed on Eddie’s face and his eyes were so wide, one could’ve thought that he just opened them for the very first time in his life. “Yes, I need you. God,” Eddie rubbed the bridge of his nose with a humorless chuckle, “some days it feels like I need you more than air. But Buck, I want that need more than anything. I know I could do all of this with someone else, but I want to do it with you. Every day, I get up and choose to do this with you and- and I choose you to be the person I need, because I want you. Always and entirely.”
“Eddie.” Buck mouthed soundlessly.
If Eddie thought that the one before was the cheesiest speech of his life… Well, trust it to Evan Buckley to pull another one out of him within mere minutes.
But if this was what it took, he’d deliver a new speech to him every day for the rest of his life.
“I thought it was obvious.” He added with a rueful smile.
They’ve been dancing around the topic for a while now and frankly, Eddie thought he was being clear enough about it, but of course, he somehow forgot to account for Buck’s impeccable ability to put himself down. (And maybe Eddie didn’t have quite the way with words that he thought he did. After all, it was a game for two.)
“N-no, I didn’t thin—”
“Buck.” Eddie took a step forwards and put a hand onto Buck’s cheek gently, feeling a sudden surge of self-assurance. “You’re looking for excuses and- and I know, because I was doing the same for the longest time. But that stops now.”
“Eddie, what—”
“Just tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.” Eddie said quietly before he leaned in to give a barely there peck to Buck’s plump lips. When he pulled away just a fraction, to leave him time to process, he could feel Buck’s sigh ghost against his own face.
“God, Eddie, a-are you serious right now?” He whispered, eyes still closed and Eddie allowed himself a moment to take him in, before he gave Buck his answer.
“Never been more serious about anything in my life.”
Apparently, this was the last drop before the spill-over.
One second, they were standing there, faces only inches apart and the next, Eddie found himself pressed into the kitchen counter with Buck’s body crowding him into the furniture, like some kind of predator, zeroed in on his prey.
Despite the way Buck loomed over him when he bent down, their lips overlapped in a soft and careful manner, though anytime he pulled back and leaned in for more, the kiss deepened further and further.
It didn’t take long before their tongues were pushing against each other so wildly that Eddie had to dig his fingers into Buck’s shoulders in an attempt to anchor himself.
Kissing Buck was simultaneously a brand new sensation like nothing else Eddie had experienced before and exactly how he thought it would feel like. His tongue tasted like the whisky they had at the reception and his short stubble scratched at the outline of Eddie’s lips every now and again, making them tingle.
He was so lost in the sensation that he almost jumped a little in surprise when he felt Buck’s large hands snake to the underside of his thighs, before he hoisted Eddie onto the counter top and stepped between his legs with one smooth move. All the while, his tongue kept on chasing after Eddie’s lips — not that the chasing was necessary; Eddie came more than willingly.
He moaned into Buck’s mouth involuntarily and pulled back, just far enough to prop his forehead against Buck’s.
“Wait, Buck, wait.” Eddie panted directly onto his lips, trying to slow his breathing down enough to get the words out.
“Uh mm” Buck hummed incomprehensibly, ignoring him as he moved his head lower to kiss down Eddie’s neck and he couldn’t help tightening his legs around Buck’s waist to guide their groins flush together, in complete contrast of his intentions. The move elicited a low hiss from Buck and it made Eddie’s arms break out in goosebumps, as his hot breath ghosted against the wet patch he left over Eddie’s pulse point just a second ago.
“Shh,” Eddie put a finger onto his own lips to shush him and Buck’s gaze followed his finger, making him go cross-eyed with their proximity. “We’re absolutely not having sex in my kitchen.”
“No?” Buck asked with such innocence, it almost made Eddie laugh out loud.
“No. I have a kid who can get around the house in shocking silence when he wants to… We’re not traumatizing Christopher like that.” He scoffed good-naturedly.
“Wha—”
“Bedroom.” Eddie whispered before leaning in and lightly biting into Buck’s bottom lip for emphasis. “Right now.”
Buck tensed up unexpectedly at that and Eddie pulled back immediately.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“Are you serious?” Buck asked again quietly, dropping his gaze somewhere onto Eddie’s chest. “About this? About us?”
“Of course, I'm serious. What the hell do you think we’re doing here?” Eddie frowned, all the giddiness from before leaving way for a tinge of bitterness. Have they not been over this? Twice, in fact?
“I-I just thought you might wanna wait…”
“Buck. I waited long enough. Let’s go.”
Buck stared at him for a long moment before a wide, dopey grin stretched across his face. He grabbed Eddie’s thighs again, but this time instead of putting him on the counter, he was pulling Eddie off of it.
“Lead the way.”
Eddie crossed his hands behind Buck’s head, tugging him down into a sloppy kiss as he started to lead them blindly towards the bedroom in a slow backwards march.
Buck reached behind Eddie’s back before it could’ve collided with the door to turn the doorknob and let them inside, only to crowd him against the other side of it the very next second, his skilled fingers cascading Eddie’s shirt buttons, while he was trying his best to undo Buck’s belt without looking.
“There.” Buck rasped as he rolled Eddie’s shirt over his shoulders and down his arms, letting it land on the floor gracelessly, before reaching into his pants just to tug his singlet out of them and over his head.
Eddie placed his palm flatly over Buck’s chest, then slowly ran his fingers down the line of his buttons, popping them one by one until he reached the bottom. His gaze never left Buck’s as he tugged his shirt out of his loosened pants. He reached up and scraped his nails over Buck’s bulging biceps as he discarded his dress blues beside his own.
Seemingly, this was all what Buck had patience for before he stepped closer, but there wasn’t much ‘closer’ left. The solid line of his thigh pressed into Eddie’s already hard cock, but the guttural moan that broke past his throat was instantly swallowed by Buck, who kissed him like he was starving and Eddie was a three-course meal.
Buck’s tongue was wet and warm, which made focusing on his task all the harder, but Eddie was adamant to get Buck out of his clothes — and the sooner the better. He snaked his hands around his hips and clawed at the fabric of his undershirt, until he managed to pull it all the way over Buck’s head, leaving both of them naked from the waist up.
There was a beat of silence; the air between them only filled with their rapid breathing as their chests kept bumping into each other with each inhale. Their skin was feverish hot where they touched, yet every time the soft hairs of Buck’s chest hair wisped against Eddie’s pecs, it drove goosebumps down his arms and made his nipples harden.
Buck leaned in and planted a small, wet kiss into the corner of Eddie’s mouth, before trailing down to his jawline, humming into his skin and soothing the already forming beard burn there.
Eddie cupped the back of Buck’s head with a sigh, letting his hands follow him as he slid lower and lower, leaving damp patches over Eddie’s chest and abs and the dip in his waist — until he was down on his knees in front of him.
Eddie’s chest rose and fell dangerously fast with quiet little hisses every time Buck’s long fingers brushed against his bulge as he started tugging at Eddie’s belt, folding it away carefully, before popping the button of his fly and pulling down the zipper ever so gently, the sound of it grating in the quiet of the room.
Then, he shifted his hands onto the back of Eddie’s thighs, digging his thumbs harshly into the flesh there, before he pressed his head into Eddie’s bulge and rubbed his nose against the seam of his pants.
“Please, let me, j-just… let me.” Buck nuzzled into him, desperately begging as if Eddie would be the one doing a favor if he’d just let Buck suck him off and not the recipient of possibly the most erotic thing Eddie has ever had the chance to witness, let alone experience himself.
When Eddie just stood there, silenced by the mere image of the fantasy, his fingers going limp in his hair, Buck whispered another muffled little “please” into the fabric of his pants, his warm breath filtering through it to settle on his skin in a moist patch.
“Buck, hey.” Eddie dragged his hands down to cradle Buck’s face and lifted his head just enough to make their eyes meet. “I won't let you. You're not the one asking here, okay?”
“Eddie…” Buck scrunched up his eyebrows, as if he was about to argue.
There was clear issue with communication between the two of them and it seemed to have stemmed from the lack of clarity on Eddie’s end — something that he was determined to fix.
“Buck, listen to me.” Eddie squeezed his cheeks a little, all the while keeping their gazes connected. “Please. Please, just… touch me.”
Buck stared at him for a long moment, before he pulled himself a little higher and pressed his lips into Eddie’s abs before making his way down slowly, circling his bellybutton with his tongue and then moving onto the small trail of hair under it. His eyes were hooded, almost as if high on something, but Eddie couldn’t quite focus on that, because Buck’s lips travelled even lower, just to the top edge of his pubes — just brushing against, not even fully kissing his skin and yet Eddie felt like his whole body was on fire with it.
“Buck, I…” He panted, not exactly sure where he was going with it himself.
“Just uh just tell me if you want me to stop.” Buck echoed Eddie’s own words from earlier, leveling him with a serious look and Eddie inclined his head thoughtfully.
Currently, he could not imagine a scenario where he’d want Buck to stop, so he just held onto Buck’s shoulders as he pulled back, hooked his thumbs into Eddie’s belt loops and dragged his pants and boxers down to his ankles, exposing his body in full.
Eddie’s cock sprung out heavy and flushed and at first Buck was just looking at it like he wanted to commit the sight into memory. Just that thought was enough to send a shiver down Eddie’s spine and have the hairs on his arms rise.
Eventually, Buck leaned in, slow but steady, and shifted one of his hands higher to Eddie’s ass, while wrapping his fingers around the base of Eddie’s cock and guiding the tip against his lips with the other — and Eddie couldn’t look away. Not now, maybe not ever again.
Buck closed his lips around the head, the generous sheen of precum gathering over them as he started to slide lower, taking Eddie in deeper and deeper with every bob of his head, until he could actually feel the head of his cock hit the back of Buck’s throat.
“Jesus Christ, Buck…”
Buck hummed around him in agreement, sending the soft vibrations of his voice through Eddie’s body. He dug his fingers deep into Buck’s shoulders and clenched his jaw to keep himself from groaning too loud, but it was becoming harder by the minute to keep his composure.
Eddie had to give it to him; Buck knew what he was doing. Though, it wasn’t exactly a surprise. Eddie had heard a lot about Buck 1.0 and even in the years they’ve known each other, Buck had quite a few conquests under his belt — even if that wasn’t his intention going into those relationships.
He knew exactly how to twist his tongue around and hollow his cheeks and whatever the hell he was doing with his hand at the base of Eddie’s cock… Well, it was working. And then there was the view, of course.
Buck painted quite the picture like this.
His eyes were closed and slightly scrunched up in concentration, his lips were plump and pink as they kept sliding up and down Eddie’s shaft; just like his birthmark and that persistent flush sitting high across his cheeks ever since the moment they entered the bedroom. The muscles in his arms kept tensing with how hard he was holding onto Eddie and that alone was enough to make him feel dizzy.
There was no way around it, Buck was beautiful like this. And maybe that wasn’t the right word to describe a guy currently deep-throating his cock, but somehow Eddie’s sex-addled brain couldn’t come up with anything other than beautiful, beautiful, beautiful—
Eddie tried to find purchase on Buck's bare skin all over his neck and his shoulders, the back of his head — desperate to signal his climax, but Buck just held on all the tighter, pressing him forward by his ass, seemingly ready to not just swallow Eddie’s load, but his cock in its entirety.
When it finally hit Eddie, his body tensed as he bent over Buck, holding onto his back with such strength, it must’ve left finger-shaped bruises all over his skin and he might’ve even said something but he was too far gone to hear his own voice.
Buck, for his part, just bobbed his head up and down, his movements gradually slowing to a halt as he dutifully swallowed as much of Eddie as he could. When his body finally went lax against the door, Buck pulled off of him with an obscene pop and wiped at the cum dripping down the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t quite manage to get all of it and a few drops ended up landing on his thighs, smearing his previously immaculate dress blues.
“Spanish? Really?” Buck grinned up at him dopily from the floor.
“Shut up…” Eddie huffed, but couldn’t help returning his grin before dropping his head back against the wood behind him. It was all Buck’s fault anyway; thanks to his little stunt, Eddie had spent way more time on the phone with his family than he normally would have, probably causing his brain to get stuck on its Spanish gear. Of course, he was absolutely not gonna bring that up right now.
He reached out with shaky fingers to drag Buck up higher and into a kiss, licking into Buck’s mouth and relishing in the musky mixture of salt and something sweet on their tongues.
What started out as a languid kiss, turned into a sloppy, wet exchange. Eddie felt like he was about to be eaten alive, unless he found a way to keep up with Buck’s sudden surge of eagerness.
“H-hey, Buck, slow down.” He managed to break away just long enough to get those few syllables out before Buck’s mouth was on his own again. Eddie allowed himself a few more seconds to get lost in the sensation, before pulling back to grab Buck’s face, trying his best to still him. “Baby, hey, hey, come on.”
“Eddie?” Buck’s voice was a little hoarse and Eddie couldn’t help his gaze dropping to his lips, which were swollen red and shiny with spit. A continuous vision that’ll no doubt haunt his dreams days to come.
“Hey.” He said again with an amused quirk of his lips.
“I uh- hey.” Buck swallowed, looking almost as if he was just arriving into this present moment; as if his mind was just catching up with where he was and what he was doing — or who he was doing it with, more like.
“What’s going on, hm?” Eddie rubbed his thumb into the corner of Buck’s eye, halfheartedly trying to smooth out the crow’s feet there and gently prompting him to speak.
Buck suddenly ducked his head with an airy chuckle, essentially hiding his face in Eddie’s collarbone.
“I-I’m sorry, it’s just…”
“Just what, Buck?”
“A lot.” He mumbled into Eddie’s skin and he couldn’t help the quick huff of laughter that bubbled up behind his ribs in response.
The sharp shift between the guy who went to town on his dick just minutes ago and this one, sheepishly hiding in his neck, was almost enough to give Eddie whiplash.
“Yeah… You’re right about that.” He gave a haphazard kiss to the side of Buck’s head and seemingly it was enough of an encouragement for him to finally lift it up and look at Eddie again.
From up close, Eddie could see every individual freckle dusting his nose and cheeks, the slowly deepening wrinkles of his forehead and his laugh lines, his sandy colored stubble and most importantly the dazzling bright blue of his irises. Eddie might’ve been biased, but he didn’t think he held a man this beautiful in his arms before in his life.
“God… you gotta stop looking at me like that.” Buck dragged a hand down his face in disbelief.
“Like what?” Eddie grinned back at him with a playful arch of his brow.
“Like,” Buck pressed against him a little heavier, just enough to push his bulge into Eddie’s midriff and even though Eddie was still loose from his release, just the acknowledgement of how hard Buck was made his eyelids drop and a small hiss escape his lips at the firmness of it, “that.”
“Jesus, Buck…” Eddie tugged on Buck’s arm and pulled him back in, slotting their lips together again, like they were made for this sole purpose.
“Tell me you have lube.” Buck muffled the words into his mouth between hungry kisses, while his large hands roamed Eddie’s body, seemingly adamant to discover every inch of it.
“I… fuck.” Eddie scrunched his eyes shut and dropped his head back against the door in defeat. “Yeah, I have lube, but I don’t think I have any condoms left.”
Buck grunted in displeasure and bumped his forehead against Eddie’s like a neglected cat, curling his body over him ever so slightly.
“I uh it’s been like four months since I got tested.” He admitted reluctantly.
Not that Eddie really wanted to discuss any of Buck’s exes while the guy’s cock was currently driving a bruise into Eddie’s abs, but he had to ask.
“What about—”
“We haven’t. N-never went that far.”
They stood there in silence for a long moment.
“I mean, i-it’s probably fine, you know? But for the- for the first time, I just wanna make sure—”
“It’s okay, Buck. I get it, I guess we just gotta wait with that.” Eddie sighed, as he ran the tips of his fingers up and down the width of Buck’s back thoughtfully. “Until then though… there are other things we can do.”
“Like what?” Buck hummed with newly peaked interest.
Eddie slid his hands lower and squeezed Buck’s ass pointedly, pulling their bodies flush together. The move dragged a nasally moan out of Buck, when his cock rubbed up against Eddie’s abs through his pants.
“Take these off and get on the bed.” Eddie shoved at him lightly.
There was a glassy sheen over Buck’s eyes, something otherworldly and excited, caused only by a handful of words spoken by Eddie, telling him what to do — and he was sure to remember that for the next time.
Buck did as he was told, tugging and pulling at his pants in a hurry, almost toppling over, while Eddie stepped out of his own trousers and walked over to the bed as well.
“H-how uh how do you want me?”
Always and entirely.
Eddie stared at him for a long moment, his own words from earlier creeping up into the back of his throat, but instead of letting them out, he just swallowed and tipped his head towards the bed.
“All fours.”
Buck gave him a jerky nod and crawled onto the bed, just as instructed. God, Eddie should’ve known Buck would be so perfectly pliant and obedient.
He quickly grabbed the lube from the drawer by his bedside and got onto the bed behind Buck, who was currently hiding his face in a pillow. It was understandable, after all, it was a fairly vulnerable position to be in, but Eddie hoped he could make it worthwhile for him anyway.
“Buck, hey, relax.” Eddie patted his calves reassuringly. “Just let me take care of you, alright?”
“I- uh yeah, a-alright.” Buck sighed, the tenseness of his body easing up just a fraction.
Eddie started out by slowly massaging his way up the side of Buck’s legs, focusing on the sensation of the hard muscles, hot skin and soft hairs under his fingers, until he reached his hips. He slipped a hand around his middle and flattened it against the thin layer of fat over Buck’s abs.
Eddie was no longer eighteen and the soft numbness of his last climax was still buzzing under the surface of his skin, but the feel of Buck’s body, the sight, the sounds he kept making every time Eddie touched him… He was rapidly making his way towards a semi yet again.
“Still okay?” He stilled his hand, allowing Buck to get used to the sensation.
“Yeah, okay.” He sighed into the pillow, sounding a little spacey.
Eddie ran his hand down to his cock and wrapped his fingers around the base gently. It was flushed hot with blood, heavy and thick and dripping wet with precum. It made the saliva run together in his mouth.
Eddie had dreams and fantasies about this, but nothing could’ve compared to the reality of the weight of Buck’s cock resting in his palm. He stroked downwards tentatively and Buck’s answering little whimper was encouragement enough to repeat the motion a few more times; slowly at first, then getting into a steady rhythm.
“E-Eddie…” Buck’s breathing was becoming loud and slightly erratic and Eddie found it hard to get past the fact that he was the reason for that.
The feeling was so addictive, he had to force himself to pull away long enough to flick the lube bottle open and pour some over his hands, then his own cock.
Now, this wasn’t something Eddie often did; he was either going all the way or pulled the brakes in after some comfortable hand or mouth stuff. There was very rarely need for this, but it was the closest thing he could give Buck right now and as always, Eddie wanted to give him everything.
He wasn’t lying when he told Buck that they’ve been waiting long enough.
“Ready?” He rasped, his throat suddenly going dry, no matter how many times he tried to swallow.
“Mhm, y-yeah.” Buck nodded impatiently, arching his back just a little in anticipation.
Eddie rose higher onto his knees and positioned himself flush behind Buck, spreading his asscheeks with his thumbs, before reaching down to line himself up between them.
“Fuck, Eds, you’re hard again already?” Buck’s breathless chuckle died away in the fabric of the pillow under his head, with a small but noticeable shiver.
“Don’t let it go to your head.” Eddie rolled his hips and with that the lube made an elongated squelching sound, followed by a quiet grunt that turned into a choked of curse on Buck’s lips.
Eddie leaned in a little heavier and keeping one hand on Buck’s waist, he took hold of his cock with the other, spreading the leftover lube over it, while he aligned the rhythm of his thrusts and his strokes.
The thing about imitating penetration was that it always came with a delicious, insatiable craving — it was almost like being tied down; desperate to get off, to be filled up and stretched open, yet never able to get it.
With every roll of his hips, Eddie tried to aim so that the head of his cock would brush up against Buck’s hole and every time he hit it, Buck rewarded him with small mewls of his own, while grappling the pillow like a lifeline, biting into the corner of it and soaking it with his spit.
Eddie didn’t even realize when their rhythm changed. Somewhere along the line — maybe because Buck was pushing back so earnestly or maybe because Eddie was becoming just as desperate and maybe, probably, both — they started to frantically chase their release with no care left for anything else in the world.
“Fuck, Eddie, I wanna feel you, I-I wish you could come right inside me.” Buck gritted through his teeth, swaying his hips back against Eddie’s lap, hitting him hard and almost painful with his bodyweight.
“Buck, Jesus.” Eddie grunted in response, dragging his cock so hard against Buck’s ass that if not for the lube, they’d be looking at some serious chafing right about now. Somehow he honestly doubted that that would make a difference, however.
“Next- next time we’ll do it, you can do that, okay? You can do whatever you want. Y-you can come inside me or- or in my mouth… you seemed to like that.” Buck chuckled hoarsely, his voice choking off with each one of Eddie’s thrusts.
Listening to him made Eddie feel like this was a different version of Buck; one that Eddie wasn’t yet familiar with. He spoke without much restraint and let his body beg for what he wanted. He seemed freer and looser, and Eddie couldn’t wait to explore all of the different facets of this Buck, for as long as he’d let him.
“Do you ever shut up?” Eddie huffed with a quiet laugh in response, slamming his hips forward to punctuate his words.
“I- uh I think you know exactly how to solve that problem.” Buck sighed shamelessly, adding a hushed “fuck” under his breath when Eddie’s next thrust pushed his face even further into the pillow.
And well… Eddie did.
He reached forward and stuck two fingers into Buck’s mouth. The moan that erupted from him made Eddie’s hips stutter against his ass, disturbing his already off-set balance, making him focus on his other hand over Buck’s cock.
It didn’t take long after that; he could feel his hand becoming ridiculously slick with Buck’s precum way before he felt the warm cum dripping and spurting all over his fingers and his sheets, while Buck was mewling and groaning something unintelligible around his fingers; something that sounded a lot like Eddie’s name — and it was just too much.
After stroking Buck through his climax and making sure to work every last drop out of him, Eddie grabbed his hips — one hand sticky with sweat and lube, the other slippery with cum — and pulled Buck’s asscheeks apart to properly slot his cock in between, sliding it up and down at its length as quick as he could, ignoring the slight sting of friction.
“Fuck, this is… Buck.” He let a breathy groan puff through his lips, relishing in the way the wet little hairs between Buck’s asscheeks rubbed up against the sensitive skin of his cock with every thrust.
“What? No Spanish this time?” Buck panted, turning his head just enough to show Eddie his sly grin.
“Why? ‘That doing it for you?” Eddie huffed and his focus was so blown, he wasn’t even sure if he managed a smile — not that Buck could’ve seen much of it anyway.
“You’re doing it for me.” Buck replied, and pushed his ass up just enough to put some more pressure on Eddie’s cock, trapping it between their bodies.
And Eddie’s second orgasm was ripped out of him in a shock, without the usual preemptive ripples or tightness of his belly. It was so abrupt, he had no means to prepare for the mess his cum made of his stomach and Buck’s back; some of it even landing as far as the back of Buck’s head.
He grimaced in halfhearted disgust, before flopping down to the mattress bonelessly.
Apparently, Buck was much quicker on the recovery. He crawled on top of Eddie almost immediately, his fingers buried in Eddie’s hair and his tongue in Eddie’s mouth as if it has belonged there for years already — and maybe it did.
“Hey,” he finally pulled back, resting his forehead on Eddie’s, letting the rapidly cooling sweat that coating their bodies mix into one. Eddie ran his hands along Buck’s back, resolutely ignoring the mess of bodily fluids all over his skin and his own fingers. God, sex was messy.
“You okay?” He rasped.
“More than okay… god, Eddie.” Buck closed his eyes, not that Eddie could pick out much of his features from this close. Eddie mirrored him, allowing himself for a moment to get lost in the tingle of Buck’s finger tips massaging his scalp and his solid weight resting on top of his own chest.
“Yeah.” He agreed breathlessly.
“Is it just me or- uh or this feels kinda unreal?”
“It’s real.” Eddie said sincerely and Buck pulled back looking at him like he was trying to figure Eddie out, as if he didn’t know him inside and out down to the very last tissue already.
But instead of saying anything else, he just leaned down again and took Eddie’s lips hostage in a more chaste kiss this time.
“We might wanna take a shower.” Eddie mumbled the suggestion into his lips.
“And uh change- change the sheets. Jesus, I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Eddie chuckled, patting Buck on the back comfortingly.
After they cleaned themselves and sorted out the bed, they settled under the covers, side by side, just like they have been doing for days now, and though it has been a very long and exhausting day, Eddie wanted to keep his eyes open, just a little a longer, just enough to commit Buck’s blissed out expression into his memory.
“What?” Buck whispered with a lazy grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Eddie could’ve said a million different things to that, but really, they all would’ve translated to one thing.
“Stay.”
He placed a palm onto Buck’s cheek and he covered Eddie’s hand with his own without another word. It was like this that Eddie finally drifted off, feeling like things have finally slotted into place for the first time in months.
Wednesday, day 18
When Eddie woke up, it was still fairly dark in the room, the early morning sun barely making an appearance through the gaps between his curtains. He turned his head to see Buck blinking himself awake as well, his eyes bright and a little dazed as he zeroed in on Eddie’s face.
“Morning.” Eddie said quietly, his voice still hoarse with remnants of sleep.
“Nhm, morning.” Buck mumbled into the corner of his pillow, closing his eyes briefly before snapping them wide open. “Uh tell me we didn’t just have funeral sex.”
Eddie considered him for a long moment before shrugging horizontally.
“We didn’t.”
“Eddie.” Buck groaned, sitting heavily on the vowels and pulling back a little to level him with a look and Eddie couldn’t help the small smile slowly stretching his features.
“Okay, technically we did. But it was coming way before yesterday, wasn’t it? Or am I… wrong about that?” He prompted gently. Sure, they talked about it yesterday and yes, they ended up in bed together, but there was still some part of Eddie that found it hard to believe that after all these months, he could actually have this.
“N-no uh you’re not wrong.” Buck breathed with a tentative smile. “So, are we doing this? Actually doing this?”
“I don’t see that we have much of a choice.” Eddie sighed as he found Buck’s hand between them on top of the covers and laced their fingers together. “But I’m choosing it anyway.”
Of course, the bliss of the morning after couldn’t last forever as the sun climbed higher on the horizon and with it, woke Christopher, ready for a new day — and his sleepover.
Jamie’s parents could look forward to a night of preteen boys shouting at a screen and fighting over the controllers and Eddie, for one, wasn’t feeling particularly envious at the thought. Especially now, when aside from its usual joys, having some alone time with Buck now carried something new and exciting with it.
It was almost as if there was a constant static in the air, buzzing away and making the hairs on his arms stand on end. The stolen smiles from one corner of the kitchen to the other as Buck fixed them breakfast, while Eddie set the table and got their coffees ready; the tiny touches as Buck’s fingertips brushed against his side when he passed him in the living room and chaste kisses anytime Christopher left the room had anticipation build in Eddie’s stomach to an almost painful degree.
When Chris went to pack his bag for the night (Eddie would check it later, just to make sure he didn’t conveniently forgot his toothbrush again), Buck got off the couch to gather their used glasses, but before he could’ve made it over to the kitchen, Eddie stepped behind him and snaking his arms around his middle, he burrowed his face into Buck’s shirt, right between his shoulder blades.
“Buck?” He mumbled into the fabric, reveling in the scent of his own washing detergent, mixed with Buck’s body spray.
“Mm?”
“Move in with me?”
“What?” Buck spun around so quick he almost gave Eddie whiplash. It was a wonder that the glasses in his hands were still intact.
“You don’t have to decide right away, but I want you to stay. I… I just wanted to make that clear.” Eddie was trying hard to make sure that Buck didn’t get the wrong idea again, but somehow it was so much easier to ask him when he wasn’t looking at him.
“Eddie, a-are you sure? I don’t have t—”
“If you don’t want to, I’ll understand.” Eddie put his hands up placatingly. “You spent a lot of time here lately and you might had enough.”
“N-no, it’s not that, it’s- it’s just,” he licked his lips nervously before continuing, “it’s just that I don’t really understand.”
“Understand what?” Eddie frowned. Did he fuck it up already? Was there a clearer way to say this? Or was he the one reading something wrong this time around?
“Why do you want me to live here, Eddie?” Buck asked slowly, as if he was trying to gauge Eddie’s intentions, which was just all the more confusing, because just what kind of backwards reasoning could he have aside from wanting Buck to be a part of his life officially?
“I… wouldn’t you be moving in here eventually?”
“I-I guess, sure. But why now? Why so soon?”
Eddie sighed heavily. Well, this part was trickier, but he owed an honest answer to Buck.
“Me and Shannon… we never really lived together, you know? When she was pregnant, we lived with my parents and after that I was on tour all the time, we only spent a few weeks together at a time and then… well, then you know what happened after.”
“Eddie…”
“It’s okay, it’s just… when we got back together? It felt different and I thought we had time and then she started talking about divorce and—” Eddie sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose between the knuckles of his index and middle finger. “The thing is, I realized that I wasted so much time I could’ve spent with her and Christopher. Years wasted that I could’ve spent getting to know both of them better.” He confessed, suddenly unable to look Buck in the eyes. Instead, he watched his hands as he placed the glasses back down to the coffee table before reaching up to bracket Eddie’s cheeks between his palms, driving his gaze back up tenderly.
“But you already know me, Eddie.” Buck smiled at him softly and he couldn’t help but return it.
“I do. And that’s why I don’t want to make the same mistakes and waste another minute by running away and being stupid.” He leaned into Buck’s touch a little heavier with the admission. In response, Buck just gave a small peck to Eddie’s lips, before pulling back just far enough to be able to look at Eddie without having to cross his eyes.
“Alright.”
“Yeah?”
“Mhm, I’ll move in.” He nodded with a widening grin on his face.
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.” Buck whispered, turning his head and guiding Eddie into a soft kiss that rapidly devolved into something much more sensual, as their tongues started to work together and Buck’s hands slowly slithered down to Eddie’s sides and back and finally, his ass, gripping hard and using it as leverage to pull his body flush against his own.
Eddie’s sudden moan was muffled by Buck’s lips, but it was enough of a warning for him to pull away before they would’ve found themselves in a much more awkward situation.
“Maybe wait with that until we’re alone.” He suggested with a breathless chuckle, silently thanking all his stars that Christopher was historically terrible at packing and would take ages to decide on the clothes and games he wanted to take with himself.
“Sure.” Buck grinned and pressed his lips against Eddie’s again, much more briefly this time. “We got the whole night for ourselves, right?”
“Yeah.”
There was just one moment of stillness, before Buck’s expression changed and suddenly he looked much more nervous.
“What are we gonna tell him?” He inclined his head towards the hallway to indicate Christopher, as if there was anyone else he could’ve been talking about.
“I don’t know… Not sure there is much to tell, to be honest.” When the look on Buck’s face started to turn even wilder, he quickly added: “I mean, you’ve been practically living with us for weeks already and he knows that we share a bed… He’s twelve, he knows… things.” He grimaced at the thought of his son and even the implication of sex being in the same sentence, but he tried to move past it quickly. “Do you think it would be that much of a shock to him?”
“I- maybe? I just don’t wanna upset him.”
“You won’t.” Eddie thought back on his conversation with Chris just a few nights ago, knowing that this was not something they had to worry about. “I promise.”
Buck considered him for a moment and if it was because he trusted Eddie to be honest about this or because he knew that there was no rush to tell Christopher anything (after all, what Eddie had said was true; on a surface level, it didn’t really change much and Buck still had his lease and belongings to sort out before his move could be made official); he seemed to relax. He flashed a brilliant grin at Eddie and before making a show of looking around to see if anyone was watching, he pulled Eddie in for a chaste kiss — one that stayed chaste, this time.
“You know what?” He nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s playfully.
“What?” Eddie rolled his eyes jovially and allowed himself to be caught up in Buck’s silly antics.
“I have a pretty good feeling about this.”
Eddie started to think that his smile was just about to become a permanent fixture of his face.
Sure, there was still a lot left to discuss with each other and eventually with their friends and extended family, but they were finally on the same page. Eddie still couldn’t quite believe that he got to have this, but at the same time, he found that he agreed with Buck.
Things were finally looking up for the two of them.