Chapter Text
Unsurprisingly, the hardest part of the trip was the end. Cal sat on his ass for a while, simultaneously wallowing in his emotions and resting after a long few months. The trip from Shili back onto their path was long, and blessedly, the pilot didn’t talk too much, allowing Cal his rest.
However, every so often, they had their moments.
They were sitting on the surface of some planet near the edge of the Outer Rim, waiting for the ship to fuel up. It was peaceful, warm and quiet as they both sat on the ship’s lowered entrance ramp. They shared a lot of moments like this, reveling in one another’s silent company.
“Alright,” the pilot said out of the blue, startling Cal and causing him to look around at her. “This is banthashit.”
“What is?”
She sighed. “Tell me a story,” she said. “Anything to kill the damn silence.”
Cal hesitated with a small smile. “Anything?”
“Literally anything.”
“Alright, but you asked for this,” Cal warned her. “When I was ten, me and my master got stuck on the surface of some backwater planet for a week straight. We were ambushed by droids and couldn’t call in for backup, so we were just stuck there. It was horrible, but what made it worse was the fact that I got really sick. The planet, whatever the hell it was called, was home to this really venomous bug, and I got bit like four or five times. I was covered in marks for weeks. But for that week, I was running a one-oh-five fever, absolutely wrecked the whole time. I was in and out of consciousness for three days, then the other two were just pure suffering. My master was so scared I was going to die the entire time. Imagine me, ten years old, covered head to foot in these little red marks about the size of maybe my thumb nail, screaming my damn head off at all hours of the day. I think between the entire week, I ate a grand total of maybe twenty crackers and a million bottles of water. We camped up near a lake and my master got to practice his water purifying skills.” Cal smiled, drawing his legs in and wrapping his arms over his knees. “As soon as I was up and around, my master insisted I get all my vaccinations for everything. Shit, I’ve been vaccinated against diseases humans can’t even get.”
“Oh?” the pilot asked, smiling.
Cal nodded. “Mhm. My master was Lasat, and so I was vaccinated against a bunch of Lasat illnesses too. He wasn’t about to risk it.”
“I’m sure,” the pilot said. “My traveling companion is human and I’m considering forcing him to medicate against any Twi’lek diseases. The last thing I wanna do is kill him accidentally.”
“Just tell him about me,” Cal said with a grin. “The human boy who managed to get a Lasat disease twice.”
“Twice?”
And so Cal launched into a story about how he ended up with the Lasat version of the flu twice in one year. He and the pilot ended up swapping stories for a while, at least until the sun went down, cresting the cityscape with gentle oranges and pinks. That was the first night Cal didn’t feel overwhelming loneliness as he fell asleep, although maybe the fact that he accidentally fell asleep on the couch helped that fact too.
The pilot woke him with a very large cup of caf the next morning. “Two more shipment drop-offs for me,” she said, smirking as Cal sat up, rubbing his eyes with an exhausted yawn. “Enarc and Sanrafsix, then I’ll drop you on Eriadu. From there, there’s a public shuttle that’ll take you home.”
Cal yawned again and sipped his caf, reveling in the sweet taste. “How long are we gonna be on Enarc?”
“Dunno,” the pilot said. “It’s a pretty big load, so maybe an hour, why?”
“I wanna stretch my legs.” Cal held out his prosthetic as an example. “It’s been a while, and I’ve made some repairs. There’s only so many laps I can make around this damned ship.”
The pilot nodded. “I’d tell you to be nice to this ship, but I kinda hate it too,” she said. “It’s nothin’ compared to my actual ship.”
“Oh?”
Smiling softly, the pilot nodded again, wrapping her hands around her mug. “It was too distinctive for this job, so I got a loaner. But my actual ship, she’s a beauty.”
“I’ll bet,” Cal said. “Anyway, how long to Enarc?”
“Early tomorrow morning,” the pilot said, glancing over at her barely visible console in the cockpit. “Maybe.”
“Okay,” Cal mumbled. “I’m gonna bathe now, so I’m not scrambling to do it right before we land. Speaking of, where are we landing?”
The pilot shrugged. “Hell if I know,” she said. “It’s a hub of some kind. The whole planet’s a major tradeworld. Food, resources, weapons, you want it, they’ve probably got it. Go bathe. And save me some damn water!” she called after his retreating back.
Because Cal wasn’t a complete asshole, he did leave the pilot some hot water, stepping out of the shower and finally facing the man in the mirror. He was scraggly, a bit messy, and Cal ran a hand down his face, twisting it this way and that. His facial hair was patchy and scattered, and Cal sighed.
“Not yet, huh?” he asked himself, reaching for the razor behind the mirror. “Damn shame, Kestis. Maybe one day.” He was careful around his scars, both new and old, and when he finished, he sighed. He still retained his exhausted pallor, but it was fading a bit now that he was resting more and more. His eyes were brighter and his hair wasn’t greasy, which was the only criteria he cared about, truly. Everything else would fall into place in due time.
Although for some things, due time couldn’t come fast enough.
That night, Cal couldn’t sleep. He rolled over, rubbing his burning eyes. He wanted to sleep, he really did, but there was something just bothering him, unable to be solved or fixed. He groaned softly and sat up, turning on a small desk light and sitting at the desk. There were parts scattered everywhere, just from the odd tinkering jobs Cal had been taking on. He picked one up and paused, staring at his blank right arm, still oddly foreign to his eyes, and nodding slowly, the piece dropping from his fingers as he scrambled for some flimsi and a pen.
By the time the daytime lights came on and the ship was dropping from hyperspace, Cal had gotten no sleep and spent most of his night tossing balled-up sketches at a trash can. But in the end, he had done it, drawing from memory and coming up with a beautifully lined drawing. Rolling it up so it didn’t get creased, Cal dressed quickly, snatching up a piece of fruit as he bounded off the ship the instant it landed.
“Don’t be too long!” the pilot yelled, and Cal gave her a thumbs up before he headed off, eager to find his destination.
The place ended up being tucked away, out of the eyes of the Empire and the local authorities. Cal pushed the door open, nerves wiggling in his stomach as he took in the small tattoo parlor, a human woman with deep purple eyes looking up at him. “Can I help you?” she asked. “You got an appointment?”
“No,” Cal said, suddenly scared. “Is that gonna be an issue?”
“Nah,” the woman decided. “What’re you looking to get done?”
Cal passed over his drawing, and the woman looked it over, one eyebrow raising. Although if she recognized the drawing, she didn’t say anything, just nodded a few times. “Got the time?” she asked. “I’d kill to tattoo this.”
“Unless you can do it in under an hour,” Cal said, and the woman laughed.
“So that’s a no,” she said. “I’ll get this scanned up and upload it to one of our tattoo droids. You got a placement idea?”
Cal bore his right arm, the clean flesh of his forearm perfect for the tattoo. “Inside, right here.”
“Alright, follow me.”
Which was exactly how Cal ended up sitting down, arm outstretched as the woman loaded up a tattoo droid with ink and the drawing, a stencil printed on Cal’s arm as well. “It’s gonna lock you in for about forty five minutes,” the woman said, straightening. “If you need to stop, click the red button here and wait until you’re wrapped up to stand. Other than that, this is pretty standard. Clean needles, neat lines, don’t squirm. The droid’ll numb you up pretty good though, so that shouldn't be a problem.”
“I’ve had a tattoo done with one of these guys before,” Cal said, not even blinking as the woman started the droid and it tightened a strap around Cal’s palm and elbow. “Hurt like a bitch, but I was twelve, so.”
“I don’t wanna know,” the woman decided, and Cal grinned. “This’ll run you about fifty credits, by the way.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
To his credit, Cal never moved. He meditated through the tattoo, the droid occasionally numbing his arm before returning to work. It was using multiple needles, which was probably why the tattoo only took forty minutes and not four hours. As soon as the droid dinged, Cal opened his eyes, watching as the droid showed him his tattoo and booped happily, asking if Cal was satisfied with the work.
“It’s perfect,” Cal whispered, tearing up as he saw it. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s really good.” He waited patiently for the droid to clean him up and plaster a black patch onto the tattoo, hiding it from view.
The woman looked up as Cal stood. “Care instructions are pretty simple,” she said, handing Cal a small bag. “The second skin comes off after twenty-four hours, then you clean the tattoo with the antibacterial soap in this bag. Nothing else, and I mean it, okay?” She waited for Cal to nod before she continued. “There are some pre-cut second skin patches in there too, just pop a new one on once you’re all dry, and after that you can keep the second skin on until it starts to peel. Keep that up for two weeks, then moisturize twice a day with the balm in the bag. Keep it out of the sun for a few months, no pools, no salt water, the whole shebang. You got that?”
Cal nodded with a smile. “Yeah, I got it,” he said, sliding the woman eighty credits. “And I’d appreciate it if you never saw me get this, okay?”
“Deal. Now get out.”
Happy to oblige, Cal gave the woman one last cheerful wave as he left the shop, heading back to the ship and returning to the ramp exactly one hour after he had left.
“Cutting it kinda close, aren’t we?” the pilot said, watching Cal bound up the ramp. “Get a tattoo?”
“Mhm,” Cal said, showing her his covered arm. “That was my big chore today.”
The pilot nodded. “Go eat,” she said. “I’m gonna take off in ten minutes.”
The next few days were very quiet. Sanrafsix was uneventful, and Cal didn’t even get out, instead choosing to use his time on the ground to clean the ship from top to bottom, a cheap pair of headphones around his ears and some ancient music player hooked up to the headphones, Cal singing along to the cheerful music as he mopped the kitchen.
Of course, where Sanrafsix was quiet, Eriadu was not.
The pilot landed and stood, looking out at the dirty city. “Fucking Imps,” she mumbled. “City’s crawling with them, so you better be careful.”
“Will do,” Cal promised, twisting his hair up into a claw clip and adjusting his clothes. He had ended up in a pair of golden orange overalls that had definitely once been a flight suit and a brown sweater with cut off sleeves and a deep hood. Under it, Cal had tossed on a thin tan long-sleeve, wearing a belt hanging with pouches on the left side and scooping up his brown leather bag, which went over his head and hung at his right. He had been packed for a bit with fake identification, a faked shuttle ticket, money, snacks, and anything else he had accrued or would need to get home. “You too.”
“I’m always careful,” the pilot said, standing and following Cal out into the overcast day of Eriadu. “Well, this was fun, but I really hope I never see you again.”
“Ditto,” Cal said, smiling. Silently, he hugged the pilot, hoping the one gesture conveyed a lifetime of words, of gratitude and appreciativeness, permanently indebted to her kindness. They pulled away from one another, Cal walking away slowly, pulling his hood up and turning around at the last second, walking a few steps backwards and giving the pilot a two-fingered salute. She copied the getsure before disappearing from Cal’s sight, never to be seen again.
Cal sighed, taking a deep breath as he looked at the city. Blessedly, Aldhani was an Imperial planet, and so the trolley ran there regularly. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Cal began to walk, taking in the city as he did.
The trolley station wasn’t too far from the ship docks, which was probably the only good thing about it. The station was a sprawling mess, convoluted and confusing, and Cal got lost four times looking for the information desk.
Finally, he found the damn thing. The droid there scanned his ticket and happily informed him that his trolley was departing station B in twenty three minutes.
“And which way is station B?” Cal asked, looking around. Nothing was labeled, which he thought was a horrible design flaw but maybe that was just him.
The droid helpfully pointed down a corridor. Cal gave her a tight-lipped smile and began to borderline sprint down the hall, just barely managing to make it to the station in time. Right as he came running up, the trolley landed and people began to stand, preparing their tickets and IDs. Cal dug his own ID out of his pocket, the one that declared him as ‘Seymor Brown’ and said he was twenty five years old so he didn’t get questioned for being alone at twenty.
Breathlessly, Cal handed his ticket and ID over to the man standing beside the ship. He looked it over before glancing up at Cal, then back at the ID, brow furrowing. Cal’s heart beat fast in his chest as he waited, and the man looked up again, around Cal and at a few troopers standing guard there. “Y’all good at spotting fakes?” he asked, and Cal could’ve passed out then and there, a cold flush running down his back. “Come look at this.”
“Did it scan?” the trooper asked, clearly bored. “If it scanned, it’s probably clean.”
“Yeah, I just don’t believe that this kid is twenty five,” the man said, and Cal finally unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth long enough to speak.
“I get that a lot,” he lied quickly. “One of my dads was part Arkanian on his mom’s side. My grandma’s like a hundred and three or something and still looks sixty.”
The man glanced at the ID. “So why doesn’t it say that on your ID?” he asked.
Cal shrugged, hoping he managed to pull off something vaguely nonchalant. “I told the person when I applied for it about my grandma, but she said that because it’s less than a fourth of my genetic makeup, she didn’t have to write it down.”
“Story tracks,” the trooper said in the background, and the man sighed. “Hey, don’t blame us! We don’t make the damn ID rules!”
“Yeah, yeah,” the man grumbled quietly, swiping Cal’s ID card again. “Have a nice trip, kid.”
Heart still pounding, Cal gave them all a half-smile as he got on the trolley shuttle, finding his seat and sitting in it. He was one of the last people on the ship, so when the seat beside him remained empty, he dumped his bag into it and shuddered as the trolley took off, watching Eriadu shrink and disappear before his very eyes.
Finally, Cal was headed home.
Aldhani was the third stop on the trolley’s trip, and it took four days to get there. Cal slept upright the entire time, catching hour-long naps here and there in lieu of sleeping fully, too paranoid to get a full eight hours. Instead, he drifted in and out as he pleased. He ate mostly protein bars and whatever other snacks he had packed, showering only with his things locked in the cramped fresher with him. It probably would’ve been a peaceful journey had Cal not been ridiculously paranoid the entire time.
Finally, they dropped from hyperspace and Cal got a good view of Aldhani, her two moons still hanging there in orbit. A wiggling pit of excitement hit him when he realized he’d be sleeping under those moons for the first time in a long time. Gods, how he had missed it.
“We will be landing at the Andoshire station on Aldhani in one hour,” a mechanical voice said, smooth and cool. “Please prepare for landing by buckling your seatbelts and stowing away your tray tables.”
That was easy for Cal, who hadn’t ever put his table down and was already buckled in. However, he watched as a very frustrated father chased his daughter down the trolley aisle, her lighthearted giggles echoing around the ship as he finally grabbed her and sat her back down in the row of seats across from Cal, quietly scolding her even as he smiled.
The girl glanced at Cal as the ship drew closer to the surface. She looked down at the doll in her lap before she smiled at him. “You look like my mookie,” she declared, and the man beside her sighed.
“Hey, what have I told you about strangers,” he said, and the girl pouted.
“It’s okay,” Cal promised. “I do, don’t I?”
The girl beamed at him, happily returning to her playing while Cal watched clouds obstruct the windows before the surface of Aldhani came into view.
The trolley touched down, and instantly, Cal was up, getting off the ship and thanking the pilot quietly before he borderline ran out of the trolley station, bag barely secure around his body as he rushed, panting by the time he reached the bus stop and leapt onto the noon bus right before the doors shut.
“Cal?” The driver grinned at him as he sat down with a large sigh. “Hey kiddo, haven’t seen you in a while. You take another vacation?”
“Somethin’ like that, yeah,” Cal said, breathing out. “Just glad to be home now.”
Despite the bus ride usually being calming for Cal, this time he only grew more and more jittery as his stop grew closer, an unknown feeling writhing in his stomach, causing his chest to stutter more than once, breath stopping altogether when the bus passed the university, stopping at the small stop.
“Stay safe now, kid,” the driver said, and Cal gave him a small smile and a nod before he stood, moving to the open bus doors
Cal stepped off the bus, looking around the stop. It was crowded beyond belief just like usual around now when the new school semester was starting, people jostling back and forth, pushing and pulling, all with the same purpose.
The crowd parted just slightly, and Cal’s heart hit his shoes. Standing there, turning in circles with a familiar little droid perched on her back, was Merrin. Stepping forward, Cal barely got his mouth open to call across the platform for her when she spun, catching his eyes.
Time may as well have stopped right then and there, the planet pausing in its spinning and all of creation holding its breath as they stared at one another, disbelief and joy and relief swimming between them before Merrin broke off in a dead sprint towards him. Cal barely had time to brace himself before she hit him head on, grabbing him in a tight, bone-crushing hug, lifting his feet off the ground in her eagerness.
“Cal!” she sobbed, one hand digging into his shirt and the other cradling his head, fingers threaded in his hair. Neither of them spoke, simply staying there, wrapped within one another. Then Merrin pulled away, just a few inches, holding Cal’s face in her hands. Then, in a move that shocked both of them, she surged forward and kissed him.
That was it. Life as Cal knew it could’ve ended then and there and he would be happy. He was on cloud nine, his head spinning and his heart skipping several beats in a row as Merrin pulled away, her face flushing green. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “You just- I- I don’t-” She was stopped by Cal grabbing her, burying her in a hug and carefully kissing her again, this time just a short little peck on the lips so as not to overwhelm either of them.
“I missed you too,” he whispered.
“Hey, there he is! See, what’d I tell you? ‘Course he ain’t dead. Kid’s not allowed to die, not until he finishes his damn chores.”
“Cal.”
Cal turned, seeing Greez and Cere standing there, matching smiles on their faces. He grinned, watery and weak, and practically fell into them both, sobbing as he hugged them.
“I missed you guys,” he cried, clutching onto them as tight as he could. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Greez said incredulously.
“Sorry?
What are you sorry for?”
Sniffling, Cal shook his head. “I dunno,” he mumbled, smiling as best he could. “Sorry.”
They all laughed, slowly standing and walking back to their house. It was exactly as Cal remembered it, warm and cozy and perfect. Falling onto the couch, Cal groaned happily. “Oh my stars, I missed this fucking couch,” he said. “I’m never getting up. Never.”
Merrin sat beside him, and Cal looked over at him, barely shifting as she leaned up under his left arm. He tucked it around her, flushing head to toe as she kissed his cheek. “Missed you,” she whispered.
“Missed you more,” Cal murmured back, recovering long enough to kiss the top of her head. “Are we going to talk about the kissing?”
“Maybe tomorrow,” Merrin decided, watching Greez wave a wooden spoon at BD as the little droid scampered around the kitchen. “Tonight, let me have this.”
This ended up being a loud and happy dinner on the back deck under the stars, Cal excited to be back home. Greez had made his favorites, and he smiled as a plate was put in front of him. Sometime between his return and dinner, Cal had put his reading glasses on and hadn’t taken them off yet, although he had changed his clothes into something a bit comfier.
“I think a toast is in order,” Cere said, standing and raising her glass. “To Cal, who braved life and death to be reunited with us once more.”
“To Cal,” Merrin and Greez echoed, and Cal nodded slowly.
“Also,” he said, standing and shifting on his prosthetic. “To everyone who got me here. Everyone who lost their lives for me to be sitting at this table, surrounded by my family.”
Cere smiled, lighting a candle in the center of the table. The fire burned bright, a splash of light against the dark of the night. “We’ll keep them in our prayers and hope they have found peace in the Force,” she agreed, sitting back down. “Now, let’s eat.”
The conversation took a minute to pick up, but once it did, it didn’t stop. Cal mostly listened to recent bar stories or funny little anecdotes from Cere’s new class, occasionally chiming in until finally, Greez paused mid-sentence and pointed to Cal’s arm. “What’s that?”
“Oh.” Cal smiled, shrugging. “I got a tattoo.”
“You already had a tattoo there,” Grees said. “Unless I’m losing it.”
Cal shook his head, slowly picking at the edge of the second skin covering. “You’re not. I had my Guild tattoo removed and decided to cover it back up with this.” He pulled away the second skin, revealing his new tattoo.
The ink was a work of art, a delicate recreation of Cal’s lightsaber, dismantled with all the screws and little parts lined up, his kyber crystal on display. He had captured every blemish, scratch, and scuff in his tattoo, and he was incredibly proud of the damned thing, especially because he had drawn it in a fit of sleeplessness.
“Oh Cal, it’s beautiful,” Cere said softly. “And it’s perfect for you.”
“Very traditional,” Merrin agreed, taking Cal’s right hand, mindful of the ink. “I love it.” Cal could hear her hidden messages under her soft tone, the blatant flirting, the promise of ravaging kisses as soon as the skin was healed. Cal just grinned, mentally promising to show Merrin’s tattoos all the attention she would show his.
Dinner finished quickly. Despite the good weather, Cal was shivering and tired after only a short while, yawning and bidding everyone goodnight. Merrin trailed after him, keeping up her low conversation with him as he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed.
“I have a gift for you,” she declared as he approached his room.
“Oh?” Cal said with a small smirk, eager despite his exhaustion.
Merrin grinned, stepping into her own room and emerging with a bundle of yarn. She unfurled it, and Cal gasped. It was a blanket, soft and knitted by hand, sewn in with gentle memories, made with no small amount of undying love. It was a beautiful color, a deep stormy blue that reminded Cal of Master Tapal’s signature, shifting and swirling. Embroidered along the edges in a sharply contrasting white-gold yarn were words, a mixture of languages and cultures, all coming together around the hem to recite a traditional Jedi bedtime prayer. One Cal had listened to all his childhood. One he had assumed he’d never see again.
“Cere helped a bit with the prayer,” Merrin said. “But I wanted to make something special for you. Something that feels like us. Just just you and not just me, but us together.”
“I-” Cal was speechless, clutching the blanket close and taking it all in. “I love it, Merrin. Thank you.”
Merrin smiled. “You are very welcome, my Jedi. Now, go get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.” She turned away, and Cal hesitated, watching her door shut, calling out to her right before the knob clicked.
“Merrin!”
“Hm?” Merrin poked her head out of her room, peering at him. “Did you need something else?”
Cal shuffled on his feet, suddenly nervous. “Come sleep in here?” he asked timidly. “With me, I mean. I don’t want to be alone.”
Merrin grinned, stepping out of her room and into his, the door shutting behind her. She pulled him to bed and he followed willingly, warm as she wrapped him in a firm embrace and his new blanket, kissing his forehead and whispering his bedtime prayer to him, promising safety and love, unburdened by pain or harsh memories, the past long behind him, a beautifully sprawling future before him, alight with hope and opportunity.
Glancing down and smiling as she realized Cal was fast asleep, Merrin kissed his forehead again, watching his face smooth out, the realization that he was finally safe wash over him. “Good night, mi’jaa’nu jai. Good night.”