Chapter Text
The following weeks continued in a similar fashion, of Chen Yi constantly hovering around Ai Di like a second shadow. If Ai Di didn’t know any better, he’d think the man had imprinted on him like a baby duckling.
Zong Yi had told him alpha’s were protective by nature, and Ai Di knew that. Chen Yi had always been protective over him, but Ai Di was protective of him too. They were a pair, friends, ‘brothers’, or enemies. Regardless of whatever they were or thought of the other, they always had each other’s back. But ‘protective’ didn’t seem to cover the extent to which Chen Yi went anymore.
Was it out of pity? He wasn’t entirely sure. He’d kick Chen Yi’s ass if he found out it was, but he was honestly enjoying it a little more than he knew he should’ve been, and didn’t want to ask for fear of breaking the illusion that kept him ignorant.
Every now and again a comment or two would accidently escape his lips about it, but Chen Yi only acted like he had no idea what he was talking about, and changed the topic quicker than Ai Di had mustered the courage to bring it up.
While he enjoyed it— he knew Chen Yi was acting out of character for some reason. After so long of it weighing on his mind, he settled on the theory that made the most sense… and made him a weird mix of hurt and angry simultaneously. He felt stupid for even feeling it, but it was an uncontrollable kind of jealousy. He was jealous of himself , the way Chen Yi was treating him, because maybe on the outside they looked like a courting couple- but Chen Yi and Ai Di both knew it wasn’t like that. Chen Yi was just nursing some weird guilt he felt for rejecting him. At least guilt was better than pity.
Just because he was enjoying it a little, didn’t mean it didn’t also annoy him. Some days when he was feeling particularly violent, he wanted to kick in Chen Yi’s throat. It was especially bad anytime Ai Di wanted to go somewhere, Chen Yi would pretend to let him if he asked not to be followed, only to find the man somehow magically spawned next to him anytime someone so much as looked in his general direction.
Ai Di wouldn’t even grace him with a glance most times it happened, he’d just roll his eyes and dryly say, “Let me guess, another coincidence?”
Although he had to admit there were some occurrences that made him laugh, made him think maybe karma was still on his side and not fully against him.
Like when he’d go into the Omega Wellness shops. He had to stock up on his scent patches, and preferred the heavy duty ones the wellness shops carried. Chen Yi would follow him in and try to look busy whenever Ai Di noticed him.
With a heavy exhale through his nose, he walked behind him, peering around his arm to see what he was pretending to read.
Ai Di let out a loud laugh, startling Chen Yi to finally face him with a look that would make a weaker man piss himself.
“I don’t think that’s going to do anything for you,” He pointed to the box Chen Yi held, that in bright pink bubble-font said, ‘Slick-Enhancer! After all, everything’s better, down where it’s wetter,’ with a picture of a ‘sexy’ woman winking below it.
Chen Yi shoved the box back on the shelf with a muted grumble, “I was just looking around.”
“In an omega shop? Is there something you’ve been hiding from me?” He raised a brow, then shook his head when he got no reply. “Chen Yi,” his playful tone turned into a warning, “I should give you a black eye just for following me. Do you think I’m not capable of handling myself? Don’t look down on me now, weren’t you the one who said you wouldn’t think of me any differently?”
Chen Yi glared down at him, shaking his head slightly in something akin to disbelief, “I should give you a black eye for even thinking that. You are more than capable.”
Then why? He wanted to ask, and maybe he would’ve pressed the issue further if he wasn’t secretly enjoying it, or if Chen Yi hadn’t sounded so sincere. But every time Ai Di further brought it up, he’d say the same thing, and his conviction never seemed to waver.
Ai Di thought he’d solved the mystery of Chen Yi’s strange behavior, the guilt theory still holding strong merit, however it was maybe not the sole reason for it after all.
He didn’t notice it escalating at first, until it was a red light blinking so brightly in his face he couldn’t not notice anymore. The way anytime Ai Di would go outside, Chen Yi would throw one of his own jackets at him, one that smelt like it’d been suspiciously and purposefully scented beforehand.
When they ate together Chen Yi seemed more busy throwing food on Ai Di’s plate than he was eating any food himself, making a show of it on the rare occasion they’d get street food somewhere. Or when they’d walk someplace, Chen Yi would wrap his arm around Ai Di’s shoulders and pointedly glare at any passersby, alpha or otherwise.
It wasn’t until one night, when Ai Di had been coming home late, some convenience store ramen and drinks in tow, that he realized something was really wrong.
Chen Yi wasn’t home, leaving Ai Di to have some much needed solace, lazing around the living room and doing nothing all evening except remaining lost in his own head for hours only to realize he’d forgotten to eat and there wasn’t anything he could make.
He knew Chen Yi could be home at any time, and if he found the place empty once he did, Ai Di would never hear the end of it. But, the walk to the convenience store didn’t take more than twenty minutes there and back, and ramen suddenly sounded very good to his hungry brain.
The trip there was uneventful, it wasn’t so late that there was nobody else on the streets, but it was dark, and late enough that most were on their way home for the night.
He got his ramen and a variety of drinks because he couldn’t decide which sounded like a better combination, and was on his way back when the hair on his neck raised with the feeling of being followed.
Anyone not familiar with his line of work probably wouldn’t have noticed, it was subtle at first, the faint sound of footsteps falling in sync with his own. He didn’t turn around, not wanting the person tailing him to know that he knew .
Taking a few odd turns that took him back around in a loop to confirm the person was following him, he was able to not only confirm it, but as he rounded a corner into a dark, empty alleyway, was able to catch a glimpse of the taller shadow in his peripheral vision too.
Doubt creeped under his skin, the figure seemed to have a similar build to Chen Yi. But Chen Yi wouldn’t have any reason to not announce himself, he knew better. It was risky and he knew it, Chen Yi might be able to physically overpower him, but if adrenaline and fear took over, he could still end up seriously hurt. Which was why anytime he followed Ai Di before, it was either obvious as hell, or Ai Di didn’t know he had until he suddenly appeared, he’d never tailed him in a way that was meant to be secretive, while spectacularly failing like this person was.
Still, he hesitated, which was stupid . Lost in his thoughts for a minute too long, gave his pursuer the chance they’d been waiting for. He hadn’t even noticed they’d come any closer until the stench of something decaying assaulted his senses like a tidal wave, flooding his nose and making his eyes water on impact. An alpha. One that had either just gotten out of a rut, or was just about to start, the musk layered too thick and heavy in the air to be anything but it.
A hand wrapped around his mouth, and he could feel the hard metal of rings bruising into his skin, could taste the cheap nickel of them when he opened his mouth to yell in surprise, before it was replaced by the bitter tang of iron as he bit down with as much force that he could muster, making his attacker release him with a pained yowl and a whole rainbow of colorful words.
Swinging around to face him, Ai Di spit the remaining blood from his mouth up into his face. The alley was dark, he could barely make out any features, but he wasn’t anyone he recognized, which meant he likely was only a lone creep without backup. While it was still an inconvenience, it was also relieving.
Ai Di mentally applauded himself for his amazing aim, because he’d gotten the alpha directly in the eyes. But he wasn’t able to revel over it for long, because while the man was momentarily blinded, and his swings weren’t calculated or aimed, it made it that much harder for Ai Di to follow and predict the moves to dodge, leaving him with an impressive split lip.
“Son of a bitch,” he cursed, and for the second time that night, spat out a mouthful of blood, only this time it was his own.
He made sure to repay the favor though, getting in a good few bloody punches himself, fully gaining the upper hand- before his arm was caught from behind. Heart sinking in his chest, he weighed his options of trying to fight off two people, or running, not particularly keen to have blood in his mouth for a third time in one night. He didn’t have to think long before the grip that held him shoved him behind a solid back clad in dark leather, and he could finally smell them through the previously inescapable malodor. . Heavy, smoky yet sweet, and angry . Chen Yi. Ai Di didn’t know how he’d found him or where he’d come from, but he’d never been more impressed by his friend’s stalker-like tendencies.
“ You won’t touch him,” Chen Yi said in lieu of greeting, with acid seething behind each word as he grabbed the front of the man's shirt, picking him up and throwing him against the surrounding brick wall. There was a distinct crunching sound and a pained moan that Ai Di could just vaguely recognize the words “please, stop” through.
Chen Yi didn’t though, even when the screaming stopped and it was clear the man was unconscious. Ai Di used all the force left in his body to drag Chen Yi away, repeating “I’m fine! Let’s just go home!” a dozen or so times until the words finally seemed to reach him.
Being honest, Ai Di wasn’t fully certain the man wasn’t dead, Chen Yi had seemed set on killing him, maybe he had. Ai Di didn’t look back long enough to find out, just kept running, dragging Chen Yi behind him, knowing that his hand was the only thing keeping Chen Yi from making sure the job was fully finished.
The first thing he did after walking through the door was gargle some hydrogen peroxide. It stung his lip like a bitch, but finally got the taste of iron out. Then he turned to Chen Yi, who he’d dragged to the bathroom with him, and put his hands over the sink before dousing his busted knuckles with it.
Chen Yi let out a hiss through his teeth, but didn’t flinch, letting Ai Di none too gently clean his wounds.
“He got you good,'' was the first thing Chen Yi said after his hands were bandaged, and he in turn took a warm cloth to wipe down Ai Di’s lip.
Unlike Chen Yi, Ai Di did flinch, not because of the pain, but from the soft way Chen Yi held his head still in his other hand. He’d insisted he could manage it by himself, but Chen Yi pretended like he couldn’t hear him and proceeded anyway.
“What the fuck was that?” He asked once Chen Yi pulled away momentarily, releasing his face, giving him a moment of coherent thought.
Chen Yi met his gaze for a beat too long, before coolly turning it back to the tube of ointment he was squeezing onto a clean cotton swab. “What was what ?”
“You were going to fucking kill him- it’s barely ten o’clock, so many people could have seen us, what the hell were you thinking?” Usually it was the opposite in these kinds of situations, where Ai Di would lose his temper and Chen Yi had to remind him to chill the fuck out, Ai Di felt out of his element being in the reverse position, and so very confused.
Chen Yi only shrugged before leaving, only to come back to wordlessly hand Ai Di a shirt to change into. One of Chen Yi’s shirts. Ai Di said nothing else either, just let him finish cleaning his lip, then changed out of his blood soiled clothes and into the oversized shirt he’d been given, before finding the slightly blood-spattered bag that held the ramen his friend nearly killed a man over, eating it in quiet thought.
That night he realized that it was definitely escalating, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t ignore it anymore.
“Chen Yi,” he said one night after they’d arrived back from regrouping with Zhe Rui. Where the entire time was spent with Ai Di all but confirming his suspicions.
“When’s your next rut?”
The alpha paused, visibly startled by the question. He paused for a long minute, before he seemed to think it over, “It should still be around a month out. Why?”
Ai Di made a small, thoughtful, “Hm,” sound, but elaborated when Chen Yi gave him a dark look. “You just- you’ve been acting off, more quick to anger, more volatile, less rational.” Which was supposed to be his job. Though he intelligently kept that to himself.
“Your scent is also different,” he paused to inhale it again, it was even sweeter tonight than it had been the past few days also. “It’s stronger, like it usually gets during your pre-rut, but I think it’s even worse now?” Maybe ‘worse’ was a bad word choice, judging by the warning growl and glower he received, but the moron already knew he loved his scent, so if he was suddenly insecure about it then that was a him problem.
“ And ,” he thought over how to word it without implicating himself too much and making Chen Yi uncomfortable. “You get moody when there’s other alpha’s around you.”
Chen Yi rolled his eyes, “I do not get moody.”
“You sure?” Ai Di almost laughed. Almost. Chen Yi was still giving him a dirty look that kept the amusement from audibly escaping him. “Hang on then, let me find one and we can-” he barely got the door open a crack when it was slammed shut again, Chen Yi growling over him, louder than before, the warning having expired.
Ai Di put his hands up to signify his defeat, “I was just messing with you.”
Chen Yi did not look amused, but backed off.
Gulping, Ai Di tried to relieve some of the tension creeping around them, but failed, unable to shake the nerves in his voice into anything resembling humor, “See? I didn’t even have to bring one near- just the mention of another alpha makes you irritable.”
Which is why you and Boss could never work, an evil, bitter, heartbroken voice inside Ai Di’s mind wanted to say to make himself feel better. He shook his head, silencing that thought. He was trying to get over it, thinking like that wouldn’t help anyone.
“You could talk to Zong Yi if you’re really worried about it being too early?”
Chen Yi grumbled something incoherently, then a little more audibly said, “Tomorrow, I’m tired today.”
They knocked on the door for longer than Ai Di thought reasonable. It was the weekend, so Zong Yi should’ve been home, which meant he had no other choice but to entertain them.
Finally, a bored looking Zhe Rui opened the door. He looked a few seconds away from shutting it, when he seemed to notice Chen Yi standing behind Ai Di, and opened it a little wider.
Ai Di’s eye twitched.
“Why’re you both here?”
“I think Chen Yi’s in pre-rut, he’s in denial.”
“He is,” a voice said from further into the room.
“In denial or pre-rut?”
Zhe Rui mumbled something that sounded like “ For fucks sake,” before motioning for them to come in.
“Both.”
Once inside, Zong Yi was finally visible, hunched over his small table, intently reading a book that looked somehow thicker than Ai Di’s skull, not batting an eye in their direction.
“How do you know?” Chen Yi asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Zong Yi briefly looked up to give him a disgusted scrunch of his nose, before shoving his face back into his pages before him. “You smell worse than usual.”
Ai Di couldn’t hold in the laugh this time.
Chen Yi elbowed Ai Di in the shoulder. He let out a pained gasp, clutching it while he glared up at him, “Ow! Fuck off! I told you your scent changed! If you’d believed me then, you wouldn’t have had your ego bruised.”
The taller man ignored him, turning his attention back to Zong Yi, “My rut’s not scheduled for another month at the earliest, it’s always been consistent.”
Zong Yi let out a huff, closing his book with more force than necessary, before turning fully toward where they stood.
“It’s not unusual for strong omega pheromones to trigger early ruts.”
There was a heavy silence for a while, where Ai Di could almost hear the blinking of his own eyes as he tried to piece together the implications of that statement.
Chen Yi seemed to be buffering too, though he finally managed to say an albeit quiet, “…Ai Di always wears his patches.”
Zong Yi pinched the bridge of his nose. “From his heat . You’d just gotten out of a rut then, that’s what made his suppressants null to begin with. Your body can’t go through one so soon after, but for the next one following to be a little early is not unusual. I wouldn’t be surprised if both of your cycles are distorted until they eventually sync, you live together, so your instincts are just,” He waved his hand around vaguely with a little shrug that could mean anything . “You’ll be fine.”
Ai Di breathed out a small, held breath, trying not to think too deeply about what any of that meant. Couldn’t. Or he’d over analyze those words until he went crazy. So, he stared at the suddenly very interesting wall and pretended not to hear.
“If you’re in pre-rut, then Ai Di should find somewhere to stay in the meantime,” Zhe Rui finally spoke up.
“What?” And Chen Yi almost sounded offended, insulted. “He’s not going anywhere, he’s always been there before-”
“You didn’t always know he was an omega,” Zhe Rui cut him off. “You didn’t have his scent tempting you then.”
Ai Di’s face reddened, in embarrassment and anger, unable to not hear that. "It's not like I’m some fucking siren luring in alphas with my scent! I’ve kept my patches on- he’s probably already forgotten what I even smell like. And someone has to take care of him if I can’t.”
Zong Yi pointedly looked in the opposite direction, to the same wall Ai Di had been well acquainted with only moments before.
“I’ll barricade myself in my room after I drop off his food and water- I won’t open the door, I won’t even knock.”
Zhe Rui did not seem impressed with Ai Di’s brilliant plan. “You’re not the one I’m worried about losing control,” He told Ai Di, turning to look at Chen Yi.
“I wouldn’t hurt him,” He said- but Ai Di grimaced, because he already had, worse than anyone else ever could’ve.
Zhe Rui shook his head, and it was clear he no longer wanted to be in the middle of it any further. “You two are adults, figure it out yourselves.”
“Zhe Rui might be right,” Chen Yi said, before they’d even made it to the car.
“But why? I don’t have to go in your room to deliver food, it’s always been fine before, and I’ve always been an omega, whether you could smell me or not.”
Chen Yi’s lips were held in such a tight line, it somehow made his dimple appear even deeper. “Okay, but you should definitely keep your patches on at all times.”
“Like I’m stupid enough to do otherwise?” Ai Di couldn’t contain his eye roll.
“Oh. But your sense of smell heightens, right? You could smell me before during the times I changed patches, do you think that’d become a problem?”
There was a long silence where Chen Yi just stared at him, an unreadable expression on his face like the answer would appear on Ai Di’s forehead if he looked long enough.
“...Can you change them outside?”
Ai Di wanted to give him a dirty look, but also remembered how his heat had literally forced the man to move out for a good few weeks, and figured it was the least he could do to make up for it. Saying, “If you think it’ll help,” before opening the car door and finally getting in.
Chen Yi followed not too long after, “I can’t say what I’ll do in that state, but you can’t open my door no matter what. If I try to open it when you’re by, lock yourself in the nearest room.”
It made sense, but still Ai Di’s heart thudded heavily inside his chest from how serious he sounded, like maybe the threat of him hurting him was higher than he’d like to believe. He convinced himself he was being delusional when he heard what he could only describe as fear laced between the words…
“Sure,” he agreed easily, though in the back of his mind, he knew running from an alpha would only trigger their instincts, making the runner seem like prey.
“But I still think you’re overreacting. Why would this rut be any different than the countless others?” Ai Di huffed, trying to defuse the seriousness that settled around them like a thick, smothering blanket. He cracked the car window, trying to make the heavy air a little lighter in his lungs.
“Because this ones early, and potentially triggered by your pheromones,” His hands clenched the steering wheel a little too tightly, the bandages on his knuckles staining with small pinpricks of red.
Hit with an immediate sense of deja vu, he muttered out a small, embarrassed apology, “Right. Sorry about that.” Though somehow he felt like apologizing only made it worse.
Chen Yi sighed, “Don’t. Zong Yi said it’s normal. We live together… it could’ve happened with anyone.”
Maybe he was trying to reassure him- make him feel less at fault for something he couldn’t control, but Ai Di felt like he’d been punched in the gut instead. ‘ Could’ve happened with anyone ’. Or, Ai Di wasn’t special. He was already well aware of that, but hearing it out loud made it really sink in.
Facing his window, he rolled it down a little more, desperate to breathe air not contaminated by Chen Yi’s suddenly suffocating scent.
“When do you expect it to start?” Ai Di finally asked once they made it back, breaking the buzzing silence.
Chen Yi tilted his head side to side in thought, “How long ago did you notice my scent changing?”
That couldn’t be easily answered, it would spike and flare just because something made him angry even when Ai Di didn’t understand why, so Ai Di thought for a while that was all that was going on, “I’m not sure.”
Ai Di used to be able to tell, used to be able to know long before Chen Yi even knew himself. But that was because he’d been taking suppressants for so long his body would try and retaliate. Would react to the scent of the alpha he loved, his instincts fighting to let his heat take over each time. It eventually won, and because he was no longer able to take his suppressants, the ability to know for certain was also gone. The answer was any day now, neither of them had any clue, which meant it could appear randomly at any time or place.
The following morning, Ai Di was eating his breakfast when Chen Yi walked in the room, toweling his hair dry. Though it was apparent he’d just showered, his scent was so pungent, Ai Di nearly choked on his food, whipping around so fast in an attempt to escape the onslaught of it he almost fell out of his chair.
“I don’t think I should go out today, it seems to be getting worse,” He said while getting some water, leaning with his back against the counter. Too nonchalant, meanwhile Ai Di wanted to run in the opposite direction, feeling jittery under his skin all of a sudden.
“Yeah,” Ai Di agreed, swallowing thickly.
“Do you…” Chen Yi started, then shook his head.
“Do I what ?” Ai Di’s brows rose into his hairline, pulse racing with whatever he’d left unsaid. He was already on edge, but the pausing and silence was only making the hair on the back of his neck stand at attention.
There was no answer for a while, Chen Yi buying his sweet time by drinking his water slowly, like it wasn’t killing Ai Di to know what was being asked. He felt a little light headed, a little nauseated, and a little bit frantic- ready to physically knock the answer out of him if he didn’t spit it out.
“Could you scent me?” Followed by a hurried, “Even if it's just on the wrist?”
Ai Di was grateful he’d had the foresight to not continue eating his food, because he’d either be choking on it, or they’d both be wearing it by now.
“I um,” He cleared his throat, which had abruptly become very dry. “I’m not sure that’s the best idea. Didn’t you say it would be best not to smell me?” His voice of reason miraculously reached his mouth before any misplaced greed could, but unfortunately, his own words were not enough to deter him, because he was already standing without remembering getting up from his seat.
“ During it,” Chen Yi clarified, like it should’ve been obvious.
“Do you think it would help?” Was a near immediate follow up, war internally waging in his head, soldiers marching to the drum of his deafening heartbeat.
He’d never had a rut, never would, but he knew they weren’t like heats. Alphas didn’t need omegas like omegas did them. An alpha helping an omega could cut down their heat duration in half or more, ruts however were already shorter, almost always a set amount of days.
Many alphas couldn't have partners during their ruts if their cycles weren’t synced, due to the aggressive, insatiable nature of it. Some omega’s bodies just couldn’t handle it outside of their heats, and many pairings never synced at all, which meant the alphas had to spend their ruts alone, it was just too dangerous otherwise.
An alphas scent could reassure an omega in heat they weren’t alone if the alpha couldn’t be physically present, it told them that they were still cared for, loved. The intention was to soothe, help the heat pass smoother… ruts seemed like the opposite, like the scent of an omega should make it worse , make them more aggressive, more set on having the omega they couldn’t have. So how Ai Di’s scent could help… he wasn’t sure. But Chen Yi wasn’t stupid, and he’d been through enough ruts that Ai Di trusted he knew what he was talking about, so he let his feet carry him in his direction.
“It’ll help my nerves,” which wasn’t a yes, but Ai Di didn’t need any further reason to agree. His rationale was gone, voice of reason squashed beneath his feet, that kept moving toward the heavenly smelling alpha before him, like a worm. It was only his wrist, he reasoned.
“Only your wrist,” Ai Di warned as he picked up Chen Yi’s arm, eyeing him warily. They hadn’t scented since the disaster during his heat. He couldn’t bring himself to try, and definitely didn’t know how to ask. Chen Yi would drape his clothes covered in his scent all over him, but never asked to directly scent him either.
“And only because you said it’d help,” He tacked on, more to make himself feel better about it.
He’d been stricter about wearing his patches since that incident, afraid of somehow influencing the alpha from his scent again. He knew it was stupid, the situations different, but it was something that lingered in the back of his mind ever since, nevertheless.
His eyes trained on Chen Yi’s bobbing Adam's apple as he swallowed, though the man remained silent.
Taking his silent compliance as approval to continue, he undid each layer of the patches at his neck, leaving them loosely connected by the adhesive on the base, but off enough his scent was mixing into the air. He still couldn’t pinpoint the smell, didn’t know what it was by itself, the only time he could make out any of the notes was when they scented each other. Like his scent wasn’t whole without Chen Yi’s.
Chen Yi did not make his heavy inhale discreet, and Ai Di didn’t know how that made him feel, could only ignore it for the time being so he didn’t keel over and collapse from nerves.
Ai Di held his patches back with one hand, letting his head tilt to the side slightly for easier access as he brought Chen Yi’s wrist down to where his scent gland was, softly rubbing their skin together. His eyes remained downcast to the floor as he felt his face heat up, unable to fight away the flood of memories from the last time they’d scented, how it was Chen Yi’s lips on that spot, and not his wrist.
Not to mention the shit his heat addled brain conjured from the smell of their scents mixing… it was too much for him to shake away, too overwhelming. He could do nothing besides let the memories wash over him in waves, as his breath hitched with every inhale of their scent mingling around him. Finally smelling the different fragrances that merged together, whole again after so long. It felt right in a way Ai Di would never be able to verbally explain, it was deeper than words, instinctual. And without his permission, a soft rumbling permeated the silence.
Mortified, Ai Di dropped Chen Yi’s hand, and re-covered his patches as he backed away, the hazy fog that shrouded his sensible thoughts lifted in an instant. “Sorry-” He could barely find the words. “That wasn’t… supposed to happen.”
Chen Yi’s eyes seemed darker than usual, and the hair on Ai Di’s neck stood on end again, but this time it was more fear than anticipation, screaming at him to run.
“I can’t smell me on you.”
His mouth gaped open and closed a few times, unsure of what to say, could only point at his neck unintelligently, “The scent patches… that’s their whole job, to mask scent.”
Should he be grateful Chen Yi didn’t bring up his purring? Was he giving him an easy out? Ai Di planned to take it as one, already stepping further back.
“Great, then… that’s done. I need to go.” And he made to speed walk away, but his arm was held back.
“You were purring.”
Goddammit.
The tips of his ears felt hot, and he knew they were bright red.
“I was not ,” he defended- because he couldn’t just admit it.
A stupid smile was on Chen Yi’s face now, and he wanted to smack it off. “Then what was that, and why feel the need to apologize for it?”
Grinding his teeth together, Ai Di pulled his arm out of his grip. “Because I knew you’d get the wrong idea! It wasn’t… I wasn’t!” but he couldn’t even say it, he was humiliated- betrayed by his own damn self no less!
From the stupid smug look Chen Yi was giving him, it was clear he wasn’t buying any shit excuse he could scramble together, so he let out a throaty groan that painfully scraped its way out.
“Shut up! It could’ve happened with anyone,” throwing Chen Yi’s words back at him, a little too pleased to have the opportunity to do so, before almost immediately regretting it.
Before he could blink, his back was shoved against the counter, and Chen Yi’s arms barricaded him on either side.
“Who else has made you purr?” It was a growl, a threat, maybe even a promise- like he wanted names, so he could do what – Ai Di could only imagine.
That was hot , his brain unhelpfully supplied, unable to focus on anything but the sheer possessiveness of it all, had it been any other alpha Ai Di would’ve gagged and recoiled at the thought. But it was Chen Yi , and though he wanted to disagree, his brain wasn’t wrong. He was never more grateful for the patches he wore, he knew otherwise his scent would give him away, and it was not the situation to warrant that.
“Chen Yi,” Ai Di breathed out his name, lungs burning from holding his breath still so long. “Who could’ve?” He tried to smack his arms to let him out, but Chen Yi only stepped closer.
“Nobody,” Ai Di answered when he didn’t get a response, hoping Chen Yi would back off after receiving it. He didn’t, only seemed to emit a low rumbling himself. Not a purr- alphas couldn’t do that- but a pleased, deep hum nevertheless. He bent down to nose into Ai Di’s hair, making goosebumps prickle on his scalp.
“I think your rut might be affecting you already… we shouldn’t be doing this,” Ai Di was impressed his voice came out at all, let alone sounded so reasonable.
“It’s alright,” and his voice was still rumbling in the soothing kind of way, as he brought his one hand up to cup Ai Di’s face, making his eyes blow wide. He grabbed Chen Yi’s wrist.
“Is it?” He asked, voice incredulous. “You need to go to your room, wash my scent off.”
“I won’t,” He pulled his face out of Ai Di’s hair to scowl down at him.
“Chen Yi,” Ai Di warned. “You said so yourself, you can’t smell me during it. If this is during it- you need to wash it off, now .” And Ai Di felt stupid- of course he shouldn’t have scented him, not so close to the uncertain start time. Nothing good happened the last time they had, and he knew better.
“I think,” he breathed, trying to find the words, “Maybe my scent is making it worse, triggering it… you should let me go.”
“Like my scent triggered your heat?” Chen Yi breathed out in a heavy exhale, eyes still too dark.
“Yes,” Ai Di wasn’t strong enough to deny it, Chen Yi was there when it happened- so he already knew anyway.
“And you wanted me? Wanted me there to help you through it?” His voice was low, smile slightly toothy, “Called out my name?”
“ Chen Yi! ” Ai Di yelled, mortified. He shoved him back– tried , his hands hit a solid mass of muscles that didn’t budge.
“Yeah, like that,” Chen Yi’s smile widened, leaning down closer.
“That’s not–” He was at a loss for words, but Ai Di knew he had to leave, because Chen Yi’s scent spiked, started to smell even sweeter in his nose, and his eyes were becoming heavier, half lidded.
“Take me to your room,” He said instead, a little delirious from the smell Chen Yi was emitting.
He didn’t expect Chen Yi to take that as approval to kiss him, colliding his lips down with so much hunger, Ai Di gasped into his mouth. Chen Yi picked him up, holding him tight against his chest. When Ai Di’s legs clung on to make sure he didn’t fall, he could feel the outline in Chen Yi’s jeans, just below his ass, and a shiver lingered down each vertebrae of his spine. That’s when he snapped out of it, realizing what he’d agreed to, what he’d encouraged, and had to back out before it got too serious.
He kept his eyes open, cracked enough he could see where they were going, jumping down and pushing off once they neared Chen Yi’s room, getting too close for comfort as his heart thudded wildly in his ears like a roaring wave.
“Ai Di!” Chen Yi yelled, already hot on his heels as he against all warnings in his head, ran.
He ran directly to the closest room, a bathroom, closing the door directly in Chen Yi’s face, locking it just in time to watch as the handle jiggled harshly.
“You can fuck me when we’re both in the right state of mind,” he yelled from the other end of the room, ready to hop out the window if he had to, to escape both Chen Yi and his own fucking self.
“Fine,” he heard Chen Yi gruff directly on the other side of the door, “I will.”
Ai Di ended up running a slight fever after that. Nothing too bad, it was low-grade and killed easily by random cold medication he found stashed in the back of a cabinet. But it made him sluggish and put him in an even worse mood than he’d been in. Still, he diligently changed his scent patches outside every morning, left food and water frequently in front of Chen Yi’s door without maintaining a certain schedule, and like usual, didn’t see him once.
Ai Di was a little worried after the stupid stunt he pulled, that Chen Yi would hold a grudge and act upon it. But he trusted his friend had a little more control than he did during his heat. If Chen Yi had been the one caring for him instead of Zhe Rui- he would’ve undoubtedly thrown himself at him the first chance he got.
Ruts were typically shorter than heats- around three days, four or five being an uncommon outlier, but not impossible.
Chen Yi’s lasted six. Not to mention the less certain pre-rut, where neither of them even knew when it started, or how long it lasted. He wouldn’t lie and pretend he wasn’t at least a little worried. He almost broke down and knocked a few times, if just to make sure Chen Yi hadn’t died or something equally dramatic. The only thing that stopped him were the occasional furious growls, yells, and what sounded like heavy objects being thrown around.
The food and water he sat outside the door was also almost always gone by the time he returned with more, so he knew he was probably, most likely alive. Unless ghost’s could miraculously consume food and leave dirty dishes for Ai Di to gather afterwards, the rest did kind of sound like poltergeist activity though…
So Chen Yi was probably alive, alive and well was another story. Ai Di tried not to listen much- knowing how mortified he’d been knowing Zhe Rui had undoubtedly heard the embarrassing shit he’d said and done during his heat and wished that on no one, but every now and again, when he would put food down, or walk past, he’d hear his name.
His heart would stop, do a couple flips, then restart, and his whole body would freeze entirely, afraid to so much as breathe, half expecting Chen Yi to open the door and greet him. But then, he’d hear some explicit noises following and his face would look carpet burned, while running away in a confused mix of aroused and horrified. He didn’t mean to listen, he’d never heard anything beyond the angry yells and thrown objects during the countless ruts before- so when he’d heard his name, he became a deer in the headlights. Disbelieving and stunned.
To know Chen Yi was most likely fantasizing about him, almost brought about a strange sense of pride though. Because if nothing else, it meant the alpha liked his scent enough to think about the owner even when his mind wasn’t fully there.
When Chen Yi finally emerged from his room, Ai Di was picking up the empty dishes from outside of his door when it swung open in his face. The plate he’d held dropped to the floor with a loud crash, shattering into pieces when he met Chen Yi’s eyes, filled with a dangerous, gleaming kind of determination.
Ai Di felt like a cartoon character with how loudly he gulped, remembering their last exchange. Maybe this was the universe giving him a sign to watch what he said in the future.
“Don’t,” Chen Yi’s voice was hoarse, scratchy, but the tone meant the same, stopping Ai Di in his tracks when he’d just been about to flee.
“We’re talking. No more running in circles,” He dragged Ai Di by the collar of his shirt into his room, locking the door as if Ai Di didn’t have hands to unlock it himself if he wanted to.
“I thought we’d already discussed this before my heat,” Ai Di crossed his arms in front of him, standing in the middle of the room, senses being flooded with Chen Yi’s rut musk from all angles. He mentally applauded himself for being stronger than he initially thought.
“Discussed what? That was you deciding things, then kicking me in the crotch!”
And okay… maybe Ai Di got a little carried away with his self-pity monologue, but- “I told you I wouldn’t sleep with you because I love you , and you love Boss . You didn’t deny it, which is the same as agreeing.”
Chen Yi rubbed at his temples, “When did you ask me who I loved? I said I wanted you .”
“Yeah to fuck, because I was going into heat and you were scent-drunk on my pheromones.”
“Am I scent drunk on your pheromones now?” Chen Yi asked, and Ai Di, whose mouth was ready to form a rebuttal, hung open in confusion, because it wasn’t the question he’d been prepared to answer.
“I still want you.”
Ai Di suddenly felt like a rabbit thrown in with a caged lion, Chen Yi advanced toward him, and Ai Di took steps away for each one, but finally found his words again. “Love and want are two different things. You just came out of a rut influenced by my scent. I shouldn’t have ever scented you–”
“Ai Di, ” and Ai Di’s mouth snapped closed with an audible click . He was so close now, Ai Di could taste the thick scent that rippled from him in waves, he had been backed into a wall.
“I want you, because I love you. Not like a brother, not like a friend.”
The words were simple, pronounced clearly, yet somehow sounded muffled in Ai Di’s ears. He wasn’t hearing it right, he couldn’t be hearing it right, it didn’t make sense.
“But Boss-”
“I covered you in my scent and took you to him,” he growled like Ai Di was the stupidest person alive, and maybe he was. “He didn’t schedule that lunch , I did . To make a point- to show you I was serious. I don’t love him like I thought I used to.”
And it kind of made sense, the lunch that wasn’t a lunch. Their boss wasn’t expecting them, Chen Yi just showed up. No wonder Ai Di didn’t comprehend a single thing they discussed, it was probably just Chen Yi talking out of his ass- flaunting Ai Di who sat there covered in the alphas scent, drowning in his clothes, while zoning out and blissfully unaware of the entire state of affairs.
He opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly, at a loss for what to say.
“Don’t tell me you only realized now ?” Chen Yi pressed his palms to his eyes with a frustrated groan.
He bristled angrily, but couldn’t contest it. “I knew giving clothes was a courting thing- but I thought you were just being a dumbass! That’s why I tried to give you your coat back.”
“You can’t give it back, it’s yours now,” And Ai Di didn’t think he was only talking about the coat anymore- although that was most definitely his also- it was currently laying where he’d last cuddled it to sleep in his bed.
“Whether you want it or not- it’s yours. I’m yours.” His voice softened, brows no longer tensed together as he stepped impossibly closer, “Are you still mine?”
And Ai Di wanted to say ‘No’ and kick him in the balls again just for making him wait, for not clarifying things sooner, for making tears stream from his eyes more times than he’d like to admit. But another part of him wanted to kiss him stupid, latch on like a leech and never let him go again.
But what he said instead was, “I don’t know.”
Ai Di didn’t know how to think or feel after that. Wasn’t that all he’d ever wanted? But it just… didn’t feel right. Chen Yi had confessed to him- but he’d also just came out of a longer than usual rut, that was more than likely Ai Di’s fault, intentionally or not. It only made sense for him to be a little skeptical. Because then, if Chen Yi decided that was only his rut talking, it wouldn’t hurt as bad. It’d be easier to swallow down.
Ai Di knew it wasn’t possible to move onto someone else- his dumb omega instincts had already claimed the man as his without either of their approval. But he didn’t need a stupid alpha, Chen Yi or otherwise to make him feel complete.
But Chen Yi did make him feel complete.
No. He wouldn’t let Chen Yi have the opportunity to kick dirt on his heart anymore- and he’d make that clear.
Except— that was much easier said than done….
With everything in the air now, the strange possessive behavior both continued and made sense. Ai Di didn’t know if he enjoyed it anymore- it was almost a bittersweet reminder of something that was too late. It slipped through his fingers like sand, sand he’d spent so long trying to grasp. Only he couldn’t find the energy to try anymore.
So he didn’t, didn’t try, didn’t mention it either. He continued like it never happened, like what Zhe Rui had suggested after his heat passed. It wasn’t easy, his feelings didn’t disappear, and Chen Yi wasn’t making it effortless either. But he also never tried to take back what he’d said. It was for that reason Ai Di was having an even harder time letting go, if the man would just sever the uncertainty that lingered once and for all, he could relinquish the hold that kept pulling him back.
He constantly looked for any sign of repulsion in the alpha’s face, any tiny speck of regretting the words he’d said. But Ai Di never found it. He noticed then, the way Chen Yi looked at him, really looked at him. How long had it been like this? How had he not noticed it sooner? The way his eyes couldn’t move away from him sometimes, Ai Di would feel pinned down, hot embarrassment crawling down his neck like hundreds of tiny, biting spiders.
It was familiar in a way, because it was the same way Ai Di would look at him when Chen Yi wasn’t aware, when he’d be too preoccupied staring at their boss, and forgetting Ai Di existed when he was standing right next to him.
Even still, it hadn’t been long since the rut had broken. The early, extra long rut that Ai Di most certainly caused. Where their cycles were trying to sync because of stupid instincts and nothing more, he reminded himself. It probably wasn’t even love in Chen Yi’s eyes, but lust. Ai Di was only seeing what he’d wanted to see. Chen Yi told him he’d wanted him first, how was he supposed to believe the looks he was receiving weren’t just that?
He told himself he wouldn’t be bitter about it, would get rid of the resentment because without doing that first, he stood no chance of ever getting rid of a fraction of the feelings he had for the alpha. It just wasn’t happening. More than ever, the thought of it all boiled through every vein in his body, angry and festering like magma deep in the belly of a once thought dormant volcano, planning to erupt and cause a mass scale disaster.
Exhaling a heavy breath, he did his best to shake it away. He was better than that, stronger than that. He’d always known Chen Yi was something he couldn’t have to start with, he’d known and still was stupid enough to try, to hope, to feel- until his feelings bloomed into something bigger than himself. And though he was fighting a losing battle, he had to continue to try one final time to kill the root of it all, bury it until it couldn’t crawl its way out alive again.
Chen Yi wasn’t happy with him, and he made it obvious, in no way trying to hide or lessen his sour scent. It pervaded the whole house, entirely inescapable, even in his own room it seeped through the cracks of his door. Smothering his every pore, making his head hurt and body scream from the wrongness of it all.
It started because Ai Di refused to wear anymore of his clothes when he offered, neatly hanging the jackets tossed at him back on their respective hooks, in favor of his own, which now felt too snug in comparison. But he’d never admit it out loud.
He’d also washed all of the clothes he’d stolen, so no traces of his own scent could be sensed on them anywhere and carefully folded them on Chen Yi’s bed one morning when the alpha was out. Despite wanting to make an exception or two, he’d given all of them back. Including the one Chen Yi had said was non-returnable.
Ai Di had locked himself in his room by the time Chen Yi arrived home, but he’d heard the moment the alpha found them there, the intention made clear. He flinched when he heard the sound of the door slamming harder than he’d known it could without breaking, but they didn’t talk about it the next morning, just looked away from each other in silence.
It was affecting the way they fought, too. Ai Di wanted things to go back to normal, where they could cover each other effectively and effortlessly. No matter what they thought of each other they always had the other’s back, right? They could be the other's second set of eyes, looking out for them when they were focused elsewhere. Each having strength where the other had weakness. But Ai Di had been so busy staring anywhere but at Chen Yi, that the alpha had taken a knife to his lower abdomen. A knife meant for him, and all Ai Di could see was red.
Sirens were going off in his head, the world around him nothing more than a blur of rotating, indistinguishable shapes and colors. The world was ending, it had to have been, there was no other explanation for the absolute force of nausea and pain that took over him, ripping him apart from the inside out like he’d been the one stabbed instead.
Stabbed .
Chen Yi.
In an attempt to blink the world still again, he realized the sirens were not only in his head. Someone had called the police, and they had to get out of there.
He was hunched over Chen Yi’s body, which was slumped against a metal fence, snarling almost animalistically at anyone who tried to touch them. A large hand was cradling his head, carding through his hair, and he could hear voices, around him and in his earpiece, which Zhe Rui was yelling something through but Ai Di could not process the words. He could just vaguely hear an “I’m alright,” from below him, but didn’t trust the person who said them, because they sounded weak and not at all certain enough to bring him any kind of peace. His mind was still swirling when he found his own hands placed around a knife sticking out of his friend's shirt. Blood, such a dark red it looked black, leaked through the light gray fabric surrounding it.
It was embedded so deep, he could just barely see the blade glinting under the bunched up fabric. It hadn’t been removed, and that was the only thing that calmed Ai Di. It was enough relief for his brain to finally switch back on, and he didn’t think of anything else as he lifted up his own outer layers until he found the tank top beneath them, carelessly ripping a chunk off the hem, before using it to apply pressure around the wound. He made the mistake of looking up to find Chen Yi’s pale face gazing back half-lidded at him.
His hands started shaking, and he had to remove them from applying pressure momentarily, in fear of accidentally knocking the hilt of the knife.
The sirens were only getting louder, and Ai Di slowly came back into the right state of mind. That’s when he realized the people he’d been snarling at before were their men, and they were still trying to reason with him, to get Chen Yi out of there. Ai Di knew they needed to leave, knew he couldn’t carry him himself, so he backed away slightly, enough to give the others space, but still hovering.
“Keep pressure on it!” He barked the order at the three men attempting to pick Chen Yi’s body from the ground, before hardening his gaze back to Chen Yi himself.
“You better not fucking die on me, I swear if you leave me-” And though he tried to fight them, he felt the tears cascading in rivulets down his face before he ever had the chance to stop them.
“I’ll kill you! And then I’ll follow after you to kill you again! So don’t you dare, don’t you fucking dare! ” His throat burned with the scrape of each word, scratched painfully with every empty threat. He knew he had to look crazed, he felt it. Covered in a mix of blood and tears, eyes too wide to fake any kind of calmness, and shaking everywhere in a jumble of fear and worry, the adrenaline of the fight leaving him, the reality sinking in clearer each second, only further distressing him. But Chen Yi only looked at him with eyes full of something Ai Di wasn’t used to receiving. An emotion he didn’t know how to accept was meant for him–
“ I love you ,” Ai Di read it on Chen Yi’s lips more than he heard it.
–It was only fitting he recognized it had always been his, when it was just on the brink of being too late.
It was a long and slow recovery afterwards. Chen Yi pretended like he hated it every time Ai Di
had to do something for him- would scowl when he did something the alpha was “perfectly capable of doing himself”, but saw the way his lips curled up when he thought he wasn’t looking.
Ai Di was no better, he outwardly complained when Chen Yi was clearly doing the most to milk out his nearly healed injury, but secretly enjoyed being able to care for him, to have an excuse to be close. Because at least he had the chance to, it could’ve been worse, so Ai Di was willing to do anything he could, thankful to have Chen Yi’s disgruntled tone caviling in his ears, because he could’ve so easily never have heard it again.
The guilt did eat away at him, sometimes it was all consuming. They’d both taken plenty of hits before, both missed preventing it from themselves and each other. But it was the reason behind why he’d missed it that stuck with him, beyond that- it had never been such a close call. It was like Ai Di had been forcefully plunged into arctic waters with the realization they could die at any time. Really die, permanently. He was always aware it was a possibility, he had always been prepared to die himself, but even still the thought of dying had never felt so substantial. Ai Di was okay with dying, had accepted it as a part of life, but it would never happen to Chen Yi . Until it almost did .
He’d told himself countless times he’d give his own life for Chen Yi, and it was true, it was still true— but he realized he wouldn’t always have the luxury of choosing. Chen Yi had been stabbed, and Ai Di didn’t even know until it had already happened. The knife was meant for him and Chen Yi had taken it instead. Ai Di had been too late to realize, too late to reverse it, and that’s what really got to him. The uncertainty of it all. He’d been so sure he could shoulder the burden of death for Chen Yi should it ever try to take him, that when the man tried to return the favor, his world felt like it’d completely flipped on its axis, spinning backwards.
Chen Yi would knock him out of his despondent thoughts, hating when he caught him internalizing the blame. That was the only reason Ai Di could stop.
After weeks, months of healing, his stitches could finally be removed. It just also happened to be one of those days, where the guilt would eat Ai Di alive if he let it. Chen Yi was leaning back in a chair, and Ai Di held small scissors he’d sterilized, clenching his teeth so hard his gums were starting to hurt from the pressure. He knew the wound was healed, but he hadn’t seen it since the day it happened. He couldn’t. It was pathetic, he helped Chen Yi with everything, except when it came to cleaning and bandaging the wound. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it, to look at it and know that it was all his fault. That he was helpless to stop it. The memory of seeing it once was enough to make him nauseous when thinking about it the countless times after.
Both of Chen Yi’s hands were on his face, big and weighty like an anchor tying him to solid ground, “I can take them out myself, if you don’t want to.”
“I want to,” he insisted. He had to do it himself, had to see with his own eyes that it was healed.
Chen Yi only nodded, letting one hand fall slowly, the other moving up to pet back Ai Di’s hair. Taking short, quick breaths, he gently lifted up Chen Yi’s shirt, before letting out a long, slow breath at the sight of the stitches, below them a raised line of pink skin.
“It’s healed well,” Chen Yi reassured him, hand now resting on Ai Di’s head, as his thumb smoothed out the worried lines between his eyebrows.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore?”
Chen Yi shook his head, and Ai Di hesitantly lifted the scissors to the neat sutures. He cut them slowly and carefully, one at a time, putting them down every now and again if his hands started to shake even slightly, afraid of holding something so similar to a blade near the area. Chen Yi said nothing, only patiently waited for him to get his shit together and finish it, finally pulling the cut thread out with tweezers.
When he was done, he leaned back with a heavy, relieved huff of air. It was done, it was done, and Chen Yi was alright, healed, alive.
The scar was proof it should be over, the stitches were gone, the open wound neatly closed, but even still, the guilt was ever present.
Ai Di slowly moved Chen Yi’s shirt back down after he put his tools aside, still staring at the spot the scar was even when the black cloth covered it from view. His hands tightly clenched the fabric, raising himself up slightly on his knees so he could bury his head into Chen Yi’s chest.
“I’m sorry,” and he’d say it again, he’d said it before. Every time he said it Chen Yi would scowl at him, or shake his head, or tell him to stop, that it wasn’t his fault. Still the feeling would build and build and build in the back of Ai Di’s chest.
This time Chen Yi let him cry into his shirt, held him close, and told him, “I know, it’s okay.”
When he’d cried until no more tears would fall, he wanted to stay held in Chen Yi’s embrace, but his legs were numb and tingling from staying in the same position for too long.
Neither of them said anything when they pulled apart, Ai Di used the high collar of his shirt to wipe at his puffy eyes, and dry the tear tracks on each side of his face, before picking up the different tools from the ground, standing up to put them away.
“You know I meant what I said.”
The comfortable silence broke, Ai Di stopped what he was doing to slowly turn around and face him.
“Meant what?” He didn’t have to guess too hard about what he was talking about- but having the extra clarification was absolutely necessary before he responded, in case he’d gotten the wrong idea in his mind after all.
“When I said I loved you. I meant it, both times. I mean it now Ai Di, I love you.”
He knew he meant it, he knew he was stupid to doubt it the first time, for not believing him even after that when he kept his word, and stared at him in a mirrored image of his own totally enamored face.
“You told me you did once, too. I’m sorry for not making it clearer to you how I felt when you said it then.”
The only sound for half a minute was the grating noise that came from Ai Di’s jaw.
“If you decide you want to try to again, I’ll be here.”
Ai Di didn’t know what to say, the scene of Chen Yi laying in a dirty alley, propped uselessly against a chain-linked fence, face scrunched in agony, that changed when Ai Di looked at him. Even at a time like that, he’d been more busy trying to reassure Ai Di, comfort him, instead of worrying about his own well-being first.
Chen Yi had used his last conscious words, unknowing if they’d be his final ones or not– to tell Ai Di he’d loved him. The last time he’d said that to him, Ai Di had said he didn’t know how he’d felt anymore- because he thought he hadn’t. At the same time, he thought it would’ve been better to forget about his feelings entirely. But after almost losing the man, he realized how wrong he really was.
He’d always known how he felt, and was always aware that it could never change. To think he could let go of the feelings he’d harbored for so long after failing to do so countless times before, was simply idiotic.
Ai Di wanted nothing more than to jump and cling onto him, where his ankles were hitting the back of Chen Yi’s thighs. To have strong arms around his waist to hold him there and never let him go. He wanted to hold Chen Yi, and to be held in return, so close that their heartbeats became one steady pulse, the beat of it echoing through both of their chests.
He wanted to be one, wanted to be his , and to have him in return. Ai Di never thought he’d ever willingly relinquish that kind of control to anyone. Could never dream of giving himself over, to bend his neck in submission to anyone . Those were the actions of the kind of weak omegas he despised– the kind he never wanted to be. He would be strong, belong to himself, would not become an alpha’s plaything. But Chen Yi didn’t make him weak, if anything he made him stronger. They complimented each other in a way that brought out the best and worst in each other, and Ai Di wanted nothing more than to have and to be had.
No longer blinded by his own foolishness, he knew what he felt, knew what he wanted, and though Chen Yi didn’t ask for an answer this time, he was getting one.
“I never stopped, I’ve always been yours.”
So he gave in, stopped fighting it, as he reached for the big, calloused, outstretched hand before him, and let himself be pulled into what he’d longed for. What he’d denied himself. With their hearts beating together, with Ai Di’s ankles hitting the back of Chen Yi’s thighs as he picked him up and held him close. Ai Di closed the distance, and for once, kissed him first.
They had to talk about it, he knew it was unavoidable, and he wanted to have the conversation before they were unable to… but the thought made his chest feel full of moths, and every time he’d open his mouth to try, the moths would see the light and would fly up to then clog his throat.
His heat was late, about a month or so. It wasn’t alarming at first, since he hadn’t ever had a schedule to begin with, but Chen Yi’s rut was scheduled soon, and it all kind of clicked in his head after remembering that.
‘I wouldn’t be surprised if both of your cycles are distorted until they eventually sync,’ Zong Yi’s words fluttered in the back of his mind, almost as persistently as the moths in his stomach. Because the only reason his heat would be late after fighting so hard to happen the first time, was because it was matching Chen Yi’s rut.
He didn’t know if the alpha realized it or not, but if he had, he hadn’t mentioned it. The longer Ai Di put it off, the closer the time ticked to the potential deadline, and he knew he didn’t have any more leeway to stall before his pre-heat inevitably came.
It wasn’t even a certain deadline, doing the rough math in his head he calculated three days at most , but feared it could happen sooner. Chen Yi was sitting next to him, and turned to look his way when Ai Di tried to open his mouth again. He raised an eyebrow at him, but the moths were back, so instead he panicked and told Chen Yi he was hungry.
Chen Yi wanted take-out, which Ai Di was fine with. He wasn’t actually even all that hungry, he was just a coward. The car ride to the noodle shop was quiet, Ai Di too lost in the frenzy of his chaotic thoughts.
It was raining and cold by the time they got their food, and so sitting outside the small shop was out of the question. When Ai Di got into the passenger seat, food neatly placed on his lap, was where he finally found the courage to ineloquently say, “Um… my heat-”
Chen Yi had just closed his door when he turned to the side to face him, his eyes wide, looking uncharacteristically panicked. “What? Right now?!”
“No!” Ai Di wanted to open his door and throw himself into oncoming traffic- only the rain made the roads unusually empty. “It’s just–It’s late… I think it’s going to sync with your rut.”
“Oh,” the relief was visible on Chen Yi’s face, but it was short-lived.
“Oh.”
“If they do , we probably don't have long. Which is why I wanted to ask now…” Clenching his teeth to fight the onslaught of insects threatening to eat his courage, Ai Di continued, “if you wanted to spend them together.”
They hadn’t done anything further than kissing, hadn’t discussed anything either, and the mortified embarrassment Ai Di currently wore was reason enough as to why.
“You know what you’re asking, right?”
“Of course I do!” He all but groaned in disbelief, turning away to follow the raindrops as they ran down the window. “I already told you I was yours. If our cycles sync…I’d feel better spending it with you. But if you don’t want to, I can just ask Zhe Rui-”
“I want to,” Chen Yi said quickly, cutting him off with so much sincerity Ai Di’s face turned an even brighter red than he knew it already was. “But ruts are… you’re sure it’ll be okay?”
Ai Di wanted to glare at him, burn a hole through his head, but also couldn’t bring himself to face him. “Heats are built to accommodate ruts. If our cycles sync, what’s not okay about it?”
Chen Yi made a small noise, almost like he was embarrassed too. “I just don’t want it to be our first time together. My ruts can make my memories hazy, and I want to remember it.”
“That’s fine,” he hummed in agreement, he wasn’t too keen on forgetting it either, but hadn’t really thought as far ahead. “If that’s your only concern, that can be easily resolved,” and he was glad he was still facing away, because he didn’t want Chen Yi to see the dumb grin that found its way on his face without his permission.
“I’m also afraid I might bite you,” Chen Yi said after a small pause, softer than before.
The short-lived smile fell, as Ai Di slumped his head against the window, internalizing the words as rejection, muttering a slightly too bitter, “Would that really be so terrible?” against the glass, fogging it up with his breath.
There was a silence that followed, the only thing to be heard was the soft pitter-patters as the rain hit the metal of the car. Ai Di kept his gaze locked on raindrop after raindrop, switching to a new one each time it rolled out of view.
“Ai Di, look at me,” Chen Yi reached out to grab his shoulder, and Ai Di begrudgingly abandoned his raindrop and turned to face him again.
“Do you want me to bite you?”
What Ai Di wanted was to take the conversation back, but he knew it wasn’t something that could really be waved away any further, so he swallowed his pride.
“Yes.” He let his eyes cast down to the dashboard in front of Chen Yi. He’d always wanted it, dreamt of it, but never had it so close to him before. Now that it was all but dangling in front of him by a thread so thin the faintest wind could snap it, he had to have it. “But only if you’re okay with it, too”
“I am,” Chen Yi nodded slightly, before adding, “but claims are forever, you can’t undo it if you decide you want to be with somebody else.”
Ai Di scoffed. “As if you’d let anyone else touch me anyway,” he crossed his arms in front of his chest, challenging him to deny it.
He didn’t.
It was getting darker outside, harder to see, but even still the smile Chen Yi wore was unmistakable.
“You don’t have to claim me if you think it’s too soon,” he sighed after another short silence, letting his arms fall around the bags on his lap. “But I want you to know I’m okay with it whenever you are, accident or not. I mean it.”
By the time they got home the food was cold, but they were the best noodles Ai Di ever had, he felt full, satisfied.
To be fair, Ai Di didn’t lie when he said Chen Yi’s concern could be easily resolved. He just hadn’t thought to warn the man before he walked over to where he was sitting the next night, dressed only in one of the alpha’s oversized t-shirts, neatly placing himself in his lap.
“Is this an invitation?” Chen Yi’s startled shock easily faded, and his hands immediately found their way to Ai Di’s waist.
“Do you need it written out for you?” Ai Di raised an eyebrow, contemplating getting up to write it down in his neatest handwriting just to mock him. He liked his place in his lap though, and was loath to leave it so soon, so instead he leaned in closer, and pulled down the collar of Chen Yi’s shirt to smell him better.
His scent was like a freshly lit stick of incense, the sandalwood just intense enough to smell above the deep smoky tones, different to the slightly sweeter tang it took during his ruts, but equally as alluring. Ai Di spent most of his time covered in it anymore, draped in clothes that all but soaked in it, but even still it wasn’t ever enough. He needed to have it settle in his lungs with every inhale, wanted to consume it, to bleed it.
“Will you let me smell you too?” Chen Yi’s voice was low, breathy right next to Ai Di’s ear, sending searing jolts of electricity down his neck in waves.
Ai Di pulled away slightly to level him with a look, before reaching for his own shirt to pull it down his shoulder, letting his head dip further to the side to expose the patches resting in the crook of his collar, maybe just a little bit tauntingly, “I only kept them on for you to do the honors.”
Chen Yi visibly gulped, eyes locked unblinking to the length of Ai Di’s neck for a few seconds too long, which made Ai Di think that maybe Chen Yi didn’t want this, and was about to back off and give the man space when hands were suddenly at his wrists, tugging the patches off there first, before moving to the biggest one covering his neck.
It should’ve stung, the adhesive on the patches were no joke, and Chen Yi ripped them off with enough force to turn the skin underneath red, but Ai Di couldn’t feel anything besides a buzzing anticipation that made him feel like he’d vibrate out of his skin. Warmth replaced that patch on his neck, hot and wet, as Chen Yi’s mouth lapped over his scent gland, teeth biting, nipping, like if Ai Di allowed him to, Chen Yi would eat him whole starting from there.
The way their scent blended around them made Ai Di’s eyes flutter, head tipping back so much, had Chen Yi not been gripping onto him so tightly he would’ve fallen backwards. Chen Yi’s biting kisses moved on to cover his whole neck, sucking marks into his skin that were sure to bruise.
Ai Di couldn’t stop the breathy gasps that left him each time the alphas teeth caught, it would send shivers through his whole body, and he could feel his underwear growing wet. Chen Yi must’ve smelt it, or felt it through where Ai Di was shifting on his lap, because he let out an odd growl mixed with a groan, before he was picking Ai Di up effortlessly, clutching tightly around him, like he was afraid he’d take off again.
He wouldn’t. Didn’t think he could, his legs were like jelly, the electricity still ricocheting through his body, making his limbs feel like they were floating and not attached to him. A small noise escaped him, one he’d never let himself live down under normal circumstances, but Chen Yi’s lips were back on him, and he let a few more slip through his teeth to encourage the man to walk faster.
It worked, Chen Yi was kicking his door open in a matter of seconds, and Ai Di’s body was shoved backwards into the plush sheets, Chen Yi following down as Ai Di broke their kiss to tug off the alphas shirt. He could feel the way Chen Yi was laughing, more a rumble of his body and less an audible noise, the dimple present on his face with his smile, and Ai Di wanted to bite it.
“Fuck off, don’t act like I’m the only one who’s impatient,” Ai Di scoffed, fumbling with the button of Chen Yi’s pants. When large hands carefully moved his away to take over the job, Ai Di rolled his eyes and said, “It’s not my fault you're so slow.”
Like he had a point to prove, Chen Yi took his remaining clothes off excruciatingly slowly, and each time Ai Di would lose his patience and try to sit up to rip the fabric off himself, he’d be pushed back down. While it gave him plenty of time to ogle the alpha’s perfectly chiseled abs, Ai Di was losing control the longer he stared at them.
“You want to get this moving tonight ? I can always fuck you myself if you’re getting stage fright,” Ai Di sat up, swatting Chen Yi’s hand away, before tugging him with all the strength he could assemble and shoving him down for once instead, climbing over him and pinning his shoulders in place.
“What’s the problem? Can’t get it up?” He taunted, grinding down on Chen Yi’s visibly tented boxers. “Surely you’re too young to suffer from erectile dys-“ and Ai Di was cut off with a moan, as Chen Yi rutted up against him.
Ai Di momentarily saw stars, his own cock was so hard it hurt, and the slick was all but pouring out of him. When he blinked the shock away, Chen Yi had their positions reversed, pinning him against the bed again, his boxers nowhere to be found, his hands roaming under Ai Di’s shirt, Chen Yi’s shirt that Ai Di put on just to rile him up. He went to take it off, it was the last shred of fabric that kept their skin from meeting everywhere, but Chen Yi growled, pinning both Ai Di’s wrists with one hand easily above his head.
It was Ai Di’s turn to laugh. “You like seeing me in your clothes that much? Does it make it feel like I’m yours?”
Chen Yi’s lips were back on his, forceful and bruising, he could feel a finger teasing around his rim, his body instinctively releasing more slick when it pushed its way in, working him open.
“Aren’t you?” Chen Yi asked, breath hardly grazing against Ai Di’s lips. Somehow it seemed more like a statement though, like he already knew the answer.
Another finger joined the first, pushing in and out in such an exaggerated manner, Ai Di knew Chen Yi was doing it on purpose. His breath hitched with each slow drag out, moaning with every quick thrust in, but when he didn’t answer, the fingers left him entirely. Cold and open and empty.
He wanted to tease, to tell him ‘No’ but the moment he opened his mouth it was a needy “ Yes ,” that escaped instead, in a tone begging him to believe him. “ I am.”
“You’re what ?” Instead of the fingers returning, Chen Yi’s slick covered fingers were coating Ai Di’s cock, his big hand fisting around it and yanking upwards with force.
“ I’m yours ,” it was more a harsh exhale than proper words, but Chen Yi seemed to understand the message regardless.
His hand was calloused and scarred from years of fighting, and felt so much better jerking him off than Ai Di’s own ever had. He came completely undone in only a few short strokes, he’d be embarrassed about it later though, because Chen Yi was bending low to lick the trails of it off his stomach, making him release a strangled, needy whine.
Two fingers finally returned to working him open, joined eventually by a third, that curled upward in a way that made Ai Di’s eyes roll into the back of his head, and though he’d just finished, he feared he’d come again if Chen Yi didn’t work faster.
“Dammit Yi,” and he burned at the thought of begging, but his body was already on fire, “ Please.”
And the grudge Chen Yi was holding over him must’ve faded at least a little, because the hand that held Ai Di’s wrists up released him, and Ai Di pulled him in, hands tangling roughly in his hair as he kissed him, biting at his lips.
“Condom,” Ai Di backtracked when he released the man’s mouth. “I’m not taking suppressants anymore and the last thing we need is a little me running around.”
Chen Yi smiled down at him, “A little you would be cute.”
“No,” Ai Di shoved his shoulder, “You won’t touch me until your dicks covered.”
Chen Yi was failing to hide his amusement, his stupid dimple giving him away again while he made a show of holding his hands out in front of him in mock innocence, before reaching for his bedside drawer.
Once he’d rolled a condom on, his hands hovered just above Ai Di’s shoulders, “Can I?”
Ai Di nodded, rolling his eyes, “Get on with it, I’m falling asleep here.”
“We can’t have that,” And the laugh was not missed by Ai Di’s ears.
Chen Yi surprised him though, by kissing him again. Gentler, slower than the previous few had been. Ai Di was a touch away from complaining again, but his eyes fanned closed as it deepened, Chen Yi’s one hand softly caressing down his arm to find his hand, bringing it up to lay parallel with his head before intertwining their fingers.
When he finally entered him, Ai Di’s strangled gasp made him break the kiss momentarily. He knew the alpha was big, every inch of him was and Ai Di had eyes, but it was different to feel it.
Everything was slow. Ai Di had been annoyed at the pace before, but was thankful for it now. Even though he’d been prepped beforehand, Ai Di’s slick and Chen Yi’s self control were working overtime until he was fully inside. He paused, letting Ai Di get used to the new addition for a minute, his breathing harsh from the strain.
Ai Di took the given minute, letting himself feel every place they were connected. The scent that surrounded them was heavy and wet in his lungs and he didn’t know if he could survive not smelling it constantly afterward. He wanted Chen Yi’s skin under his nails, his scent inside him and out, he had it now. His nails dug into the alpha’s shoulders a little more, and he couldn’t stop the uncontrollable rumble that followed.
The noise Chen Yi made had Ai Di’s toes curling, his breathing labored, “Ai Di, stop purring—“
But Ai Di couldn’t, even if he wanted to he couldn’t, he was really too happy. The man he’d wanted for so long was finally his . Even if it was fleeting, a momentary event, Chen Yi was his and he would hold onto this moment forever.
“Fuck, are you crying?” The panic evident in his voice, Chen Yi’s hand found Ai Di’s face, cupping it to wipe away the tears from his eyes with the tip of his thumb. “I’m sorry, the purring's fine- it’s just—”
Ai Di shook his head, shielding his eyes with an arm, “I’m not,” but even to him it sounded like a lie. “You can move, I’m alright.”
“You’re sure?”
He moved his legs to wrap fully around Chen Yi’s waist, using them to jerk him down, earning a pleasant harmony of moans in return, before catching his breath enough to say, “I’m sure.”
Chen Yi didn’t move, not right away, his fingers ghosted along the skin of Ai Di’s arm that still covered his eyes, “Can’t I see you?”
And as much as Ai Di wanted to hide, he let his arm fall back down, allowing Chen Yi’s hand to reclaim its previous spot in his own.
Only then did he finally start to move again, and Ai Di’s resulting cry of pleasure was swallowed down by Chen Yi’s lips on his.
Ai Di had always hated the idea of being an omega, of being thought as weak, of less than by society, by everyone around him. He fought tooth and nail to make sure he didn't appear as one on the outside, and nearly ruined everything by pretending he was something he wasn't. But if Ai Di were an alpha, he and Chen Yi would’ve probably killed each other already. And if Ai Di were a beta, he’d never know the delectable scent that clung on the others skin, would never be able to know how right, how whole he felt when their scents mixed together. So, he thought, while laying with the alpha's arms tightly clutching him to his chest, maybe being an omega wasn’t so bad after all.