Chapter Text
Is it High Noon or Low Noon...?
Or: The sun rises again, and fists meet gun
“Hhhhnnngghugh…”
A thoroughly broken, tired, and downright listless martial artist lifted his head, irritated at a bright sun beam hitting his cerulean eyes. Red hair spilled over his face, and obstructed a lot of the scene around him; namely, what looked like a… large shed. Ranma groaned and hoisted himself off of the shoddy couch, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
The sun shone through the shabby little window brightly, illuminating the otherwise dark and slightly dusty room. Strewn about were the basics for a shed; yard tools, gardening gear, a reel of hose. Then the less basic- a fridge, an old futon, and a tall floor lamp, switched off, but better than a lightbulb hanging by a cord.
Ranma remained alert, as he realized he had zero idea where this was. As much as he’d explored Nerima, been sent flying across the horizon, and even dared to follow Ryoga for more than five minutes, he’d never seen this room before. Hesitantly, he tip-toed quietly toward the lamp, and pulled its string.
Upon lighting the room, Ranma got to look at what felt like… a hideout.
Various posters were tacked to the wall, no kind of harmony at all, besides being… old western movie themed? Various cowboy memorabilia, from lazily tossed aside bandannas to coat racks with hats and comic books starring sheriffs laid about on a small table- along with empty soda cans. Whoever’s holed up here must be a serious nerd, Ranma groused internally. I’m gonna take my exit.
As soon as Ranma sat up and brushed the hair out of his eyes to leave, he heard a groggy snort come from the other side of the room, then a chuckle.
“Phew, you’re a heavy sleeper, ain’t ya?” The figure said. “Jus’ woke up myself.”
Sitting on the couch was a black-haired, lean-looking, smirking teen with a large black hat and a plain brown vest, a red bandanna hanging around his neck. “You were out for some, what, like… a week? One heck of a snorer, too.” He sighed. “You were out alone in a freakin’ storm. You alright, kid?”
Kid?! He barely looks older than me! Ranma immediately took a defensive stance, the memories flooding back suddenly. Ah, right, I’m a wanted criminal now, Ranma panicked. Can’t give this guy any bright ideas!
“Uh… yeah.” Ranma said slowly. “And you are…?”
The teen tipped his hat. “Call me Jay, western extraordinaire, at yer service! And who am I having the pleasure of talkin’ to, here?”
Ranma hesitated. “I’m… Yoiko. Hibiki Yoiko.”
Jay gave a curt nod and a quirked eyebrow. “Uh-huh… Yoiko.” he said, scrutinizing the redhead.
Ranma grimaced and fell into a tired defensive stance. “Oi, listen, I dunno how I got here in your… whatever this is-“ Ranma gestured wildly to the wild west-themed shack- “but if ya know what’s good for ya, I’m the best fighter around, so…” Ranma glared and cupped his hand. Come at me.
Jay sighed, and calmly pulled a revolver out from within his vest. Ranma froze immediately.
“Pretty, ain’t she?” Jay grinned. “Colt 1860 Army. One of the best from the western era!” He stated proudly, before he shot a smirk at the terrified martial artist.
“Y’know… word on the street right now, there’s a criminal redhead from Nerima runnin’ around. Causin’ trouble. Stealin’, womanizin’, property damage… and yet, nobody knows where she is?” Jay mused out loud. “Y’think you might have any brilliant ideas… ‘Yoiko’? Cuz I got an idea and they’re standing right in front of me. ”
Ranma let out a shaky breath. Well, shit. The scared martial artist thought, his mind racing fast. “Hey… Jay? L-Listen… I know what’s goin’ on out there, and my name’s about as good as dirt right now, but I don’t really wanna fight ya, not with… that thing on ya.” The redhead stuttered nervously. “S-So if ya just wanna… set that down a moment, and, maybe we can just, y’know, talk this out?” Ranma offered, a shaky grin gracing his trembling features.
Jay shook his head, and stood, walking close to Ranma. He dwarfed the currently female martial artist, towering over him intimidatingly, the barrel of the gun nearly touching his chest.
Ranma gulped. Kami, this guy’s got like half a meter on me.
“Now… I ain’t the worst guy in town. I believe in fairness, and especially justice, all things considered.” he then looked Ranma in his clouded blue eyes intensely. “Now… Why shouldn’t I just turn ya in? You have a hefty bounty on ya, considering your supposedly god-like prowess… some, what, three hundred and seventy thousand yen?” Ranma boggled at the information. “Ya also seem to have caught the attention of some serious unsavory types. I call em’ bandits and crooks- but our lil’ slice of the world knows them better as Yakuza.” Jay emphasized, making Ranma shrink into himself further. “And lemme tell ya- their bounty is much higher. They’d give anything to have a kid like you on their leash, prolly.” Jay said darkly. “Me? I don’t know ‘bout any of the magic powers or crazy fighting that surrounds ya or whatever, but look at this place- I think you could agree that yen would keep me great company, eh?”
Ranma said nothing, opting to slowly nod.
“So… I’ll ask ya, one more time.” He said coolly. “Why shouldn’t I turn ya in?”
Ranma sighed, and sank to his knees, startling the wannabe sheriff. “Uh, what’re you-“
“You should.” Ranma said listlessly, before Jay could finish. “Even if I didn’t do any of that crap, I’m finished. Ma wants to kill me, the police want me, my family thinks I’m out of my mind for… all that.” he sighed. “So just… do it. Maybe I’d have done one thing right for somebody if I can get ya on your feet…”
A horrified Jay pointed the gun to his right, away from the now confused Ranma- and shot.
The bullet merely plinked off of an empty soda can on the table, knocking it over.
“K-Kid… this thing’s a model. Y’know how illegal guns are here in Japan? An actual Army 1860 would cost me a small fortune anyway. It just shoots lil’ caps. The barrels don't even have real chambers!” he laughed. “Sorry to uh, terrify you like that, but… it was a little funny. That was a damn good reason ya gave me. Settle in, you can crash here.”
Ranma was now extremely confused.
“ What?! You… ya got every reason to hand my ass in! Why not?!” Ranma shouted. “Forget about it, I’m leavin’!”
Jay raised an eyebrow. “Uh… alrighty then. Tell the police, or bounty hunters, whichever, I said ‘hi.’ Though uh, heads up, maybe don’t tell em’ it was specifically me sayin’ hi.” He said, tugging his collar nervously. “I ain’t gonna stop ya, Ranma- definitely gonna abbreviate that- but from my perspective? Yer prolly better off holing up here.”
Ranma stopped at the door, and slumped. Jay had a good point… a huge target sat on his back. Ain’t like it’s the first time I’ve had to shack with a stranger anyway, he thought.
“Alright, then, uh… Jay.” Ranma said cautiously. “Where is here, anyway? Beyond uh, this being your little base, or whatever?”
Jay put away the model revolver, and sat back on the couch with another fresh can of soda. “Kimitsu.” He said nonchalantly. “Ya must’ve really made quite the trek on foot to end up out here, y’know? Not that we’re that far from Nerima, but, still.” He sighed. “Also, can I call ya… hm… Ran? Ya really look like a Ran.”
Ranma nodded. “Uh… sure, yeah, that sounds-“
“Nah, wait.” Jay hummed, scratching his chin. “Red!” He snapped his finger. “Nice, simple, suits ya perfectly with that hair and those silks. Those genuine Chinese? Fancy.” He noted. “Also, uh, weird question, but what’re yer pronouns?”
Ranma blinked.
Ranma blinked again.
“My pro- what? ”
Jay’s eyebrows shot up. “Ah, ya don’t even know what- okay, so.” He sat up. “They’re uh… gender words? Sorta? Bit of a western thing, kinda- It’s more complicated than that, but when I ask, I mean like.” He scratched his head, searching for words. “What do ya want me to call you? I keep hearin’ about gender switching when you’re brought up, so, wanted to ask.”
Ranma, at a loss, shrugged. “I’m… a guy?”
Jay shook his head. “Nah. Doesn’t matter. Plus, uh, hate to burst your bubble, but ya don’t really… look the part.” He gestured at Ranma. “Which is the point. Ain’t about how you started, or what ya look like, just what ya want.”
Ranma’ eyes shot up. “So… I can choose? Like… wait, that’s an option? ” Ranma asked, staring intently at the wannabe sheriff.
Jay just nodded. “Uuuhh… yeah. Even if uh, society as it currently stands, don’t take too kindly to it, I and my buddies don’t mind.” He stated matter-of-factly.
Ranma looked down.
… what am I, anymore? Not a ‘man amongst men’ for sure… not a girl, either… then… what?
“I… I don’t know.” Ranma stated, their expression a bit crestfallen. “I… I really don’t know.”
Jay nodded sympathetically. “I hear ya. I won’t call ya one way or the other, then. Anyways, with that outta the way-“ He claps his hands together. “-couple buddies of mine from your area actually are headed this way soon. Every other weekend, y’know? I’m actually a rookie private eye myself-“ he made a point of tipping his hat as he said that. “Closest I can get to a sheriff at my age of nineteen, anyways. Y’got good friends over in Nerima, Red?”
Ranma shook their head. “Nah… I got more enemies and rivals than friends. To be honest, my only real good friends I never seem to bump heads with are Hiro and Dai…” they said a bit sadly. “Maybe one day it’ll change, but now? They’re what I’ve got.”
Jay flashed a huge grin. “Then buddy, do I have a treat for you, because those two are just the people headed over! Known 'em for ages, this makes introductions easy!”
“RANMA?!” Daisuke yelled, frozen in the doorway.
Hiroshi ran inside and shook the redhead back and forth rapidly. “How did you get here?! You fought a doppelganger? No, a power stealer? Jay found you?! Your Ma came at you with a-”
Jay sighed and placed his palm atop Hiroshi’s head. “Hey now, you’re makin’ the redhead all dizzy.”
Said martial artist wobbled back and forth, spirals in their eyes.
“Yeah, but, this is like the biggest thing that’s happened in months, what do ya want from me, officer?!” Hiroshi humphed, as he flopped onto the sofa.
“...but really man, are you okay…?” Daisuke asked. “You literally ran when we last saw you.”
Ranma got ahold of themself, and nodded. “Yeah, I woke up here, an’-”
Jay quickly leaned over and whispered to Ranma. “Red, listen, I won’t say nothin’ if ya don’t want me to, but ya need me to correct the pronouns?”
Ranma lit up. “Nah, it’s fine. Hiro, Dai, listen; as a literally wanted criminal now, I ain’t really a man amongst men anymore. So uh. I’m sorta. Not a man.” Ranma stated.
Daisuke blinked rapidly. “So… did you finally figure it out, or…?”
Ranma nodded. “That’s right. I’m not a man amongst men. Which means I can’t be a man at all.”
Hiroshi facepalmed. Daisuke nodded in agreement.
“...right.” Jay sighed. “Y’all ready for the usual? Movie night!” Jay grinned, whipping out video tapes from his sleeve.
Hiroshi and Daisuke both groaned instantly, confusing the redhead behind them. “As long as we don’t have to sit through you ranting at The Three Amigos again, sure.” Hiroshi declared. “Why can’t we watch a fun movie, like, have you seen that new Sailor Moon flick yet?”
The westaboo sagged. “But… I haven’t even gotten to part 47 of all the inaccuracies of that movie yet…” he whimpered. “...’sides, uh, we got a newbie in here! Red, ya ever seen a good western before?” Jay grinned, stars shining in his eyes. “I know you’re into Kung Fu n’ all that, but this is just as action-packed!”
Daisuke internally pleaded with Ranma.
Hiroshi shook his head fast. “Ranma, don’t you dare-”
“Just as much action?” Ranma asked, eyebrows raised. “Ya promise?”
Jay grinned widely. “Gotcha hooked, am I right? At least two of us like 'em! Now we’re even!” The sheriff guffawed. “Lemme see, uh… say, this is right up your alley!” Jay wiggled a dusty movie case out of the shelf beneath the TV, and held it out for Ranma to see. “Check it out; it’s an amazing one called Shanghai Noon ! Now, it may not exist yet, but it’s real good and based on a true story I heard! Wanna watch?” Jay said, practically vibrating in place.
Ranma looked at the comically dressed martial artist and cowboy on the cover. I dunno how “true” this is, but it looks fun- wait, doesn’t exist yet?
Ranma raised an eyebrow cautiously. “...Yeah, sure, dude. Ya got sodas?”
As Jay practically exploded toward the VCR to start the movie, Hiroshi nodded. “Yeah man, we bring a lot of goodies back here! We hang out with this guy a lot, ever since-” Daisuke coughed. “...A-Anyways, it’s a little semi-often tradition of ours to get together and watch movies or just chill out, y’know? Dig in! Especially since you’ll probably be here awhile.” Hiroshi said warmly. He walked over to the fridge, and gasped upon opening it. “Jay, man, you stocked up again, huh?”
Inside the fridge were 4 cases of various flavors of soda- and 2 cases of plain beer. Jay, struggling with the cords of his old TV, nodded. “Yep. Figured with a newbie and ya’ll comin’ over, why not?” He clapped when the TV sprang to life.
Hiroshi whipped around, and bowed. “So does that mean we get to-?!”
Jay stiffened immediately. “You think that I, law enforcement, are just gonna hand over alcoholic beverages to some teenagers?” he growled in an authoritative voice.
Hiroshi jumped back. “A-Ah, wait, man I’m-”
Jay laughed at the terrified boy. “Naw, I’m just kiddin’. I’m just some freelancing PI, nothin’ else, though they’ll never make me a sheriff at this rate…” Jay sighed. “But still nah. I have work comin’ up. Grab your sodas guys and redhead, it’s time for a masterpiece in cinema!”
“Are you guys… always like this?”
The three boys stopped and looked at Ranma.
They got fidgety immediately. “I-I mean like, you just hang out? And that’s it? No fights or nothin’?” Ranma questioned. “I‘m allowed to join you guys?”
Jay nodded. “Got anything harder than that? Easy question, yes, duh. ” he drawled. “Get yer butt over here Red, take a load off!”
Tentatively, Ranma nodded, and quietly sat between Jay and Hiroshi, as the movie began to play.
“ I am like a wild horse. You can't tame me. You put the oats in the pen, though, and I'll come in for a nibble every day. But the minute you shut that gate, I'll jump the fence and you'll never see me again.”
Daisuke was fast asleep on Hiroshi’s soldier, while the latter boy lazily watched the movie, his droopy eyes promising the same fate.
Ranma, however, was staring intently at the screen. “You said this was a true story, right?”
Jay nodded, an easygoing smile on his face. “Yup. It’s stuff like this that makes the wild west so cool, don’t you agree?”
Ranma snorted at the westaboo. “I imagine ya have to be into fightin’ with tools like that, lookin’ at how much of a beanpole you are.” They smirked.
Jay gasped in mock anger, taking off his hat. “How dare you? I’ll have ya know I am an amazing sharpshooter, and-”
A loud knock at the door interrupted the two’s banter.
“Ranma! If you’re in there, get out of there at once! You need to face the consequences, boy!” Genma’s voice rang out from behind the shed’s thin door.
Ranma shot up and clung to the ceiling, and prepared to lunge, before Jay held out his arm.
“...remember when I said I had work later, Red?” he whispered harshly, putting a finger over his lips. He calmly made his way over to the door.
“Hello there sir. Anything I can do for you?” Jay asked calmly.
Genma seethed. “I know you’re housing that boy, even if he sounds like a woman!” He growled. “You may not know it, but that boy’s a liar! You’re housing a criminal! He’s my disgraced son and I demand to see him-”
Jay took one step forward, and pushed Genma back. Genma, sweating, didn’t back down.
“I’m warning you boy; you look like a good kid, but I’m a very capable fighter.” He said confidently. “Hand over the failure and nobody-”
Jay pulled his revolver out of his vest, spun it in his hand, and pointed it perfectly at Genma.
Genma laughed. “Hah! What’s that, a model? Kid, that thing doesn’t scare-”
Jay pointed the gun at the crosswalk sign, and shot.
Genma’s pupils shrank as a bullet whistled by his ear, and hit the sign directly in the center, ringing loudly through everyone’s ears. “W-What the hell?! I’m calling the police! You’re a criminal t-”
Wearing a stony expression, Jay held his gun at the ready. “Really? And what does that make you?”
Ranma sucked in a breath from behind Jay. Oh god, Pa, you idiot.
“My name is Junsuke Tadachi, and I am a private investigator in cooperation with the PSIA, and I’ve heard quite a lot about you, Genma Saotome.” Jay stated harshly, holding out a toy sheriff’s badge.
Jay looked at the badge, blinked rapidly, and quickly switched it for his actual, plain PI badge.
“A-Anyways- I’m well aware of Ranma’s numerous alleged crimes. I don’t refer to them by last name to make it simple when I’m specifying you .” he stated. “My recent reports show that you have defrauded multiple families financially and otherwise via… arranged marriage…” Jay grimaced, continuing on. “...and have continued to lie and cheat your way through… well, most of the country, if it’s to be believed. If I were to guess, you showing up now and successfully finding your child is because you feel secure in framing them for your crimes, yes?”
Genma went white as a sheet, and slowly backed away. “N-No, why would I, to my own child? What kind of father would I be-”
“A damn lousy one!” Jay growled. “I also know I’m missing plenty of information about you, and from what I do know makes me sick! Get off of my property, before I close your case for good, Genma Saotome.” Jay threatened.
By the time Jay finished, Genma had vanished.
Ranma, trembling by an awakened duo of startled boys, quietly spoke up.
“...Jay… what was that?”
Jay sighed as he slowly shut the door. “Ranma. I hereby place you in my custody. As a current outlaw, you’re under my jurisdiction.”
“...huh?” Ranma deadpanned.
Jay smiled, and ruffled Ranma’s hair. “Means I’m gonna keep ya safe for a bit, Red.” he explained warmly, before turning more analytical. “I’ve already cleared your name on a gut feeling. You don’t at all fit the profile of the Ranma Saotome in those crime scenes.” He thought out loud. “In the meantime, I’ll have to work it out with the local station to let this one slide. Surely they’ll see I’m doin’ good work here.” he said, flashing a toothy grin.
Ranma nodded, before smirking, and barely containing a giggle. “...Junsuke? That’s the name of some sharpshooting private eye?”
Jay turned bright red and swatted at Ranma, nearly knocking over his lamp in the process. “Hey, watch it, Red! That yen on your head sounds better every time you tease me about that, ya hear?!” he laughed, Ranma giggling all the while.
Hiroshi yawned, and practically lifted Daisuke along with him. “Well, you two, this was fun, but me an’ Dai are headed home.” he said sleepily. “Jay, uh, thanks for going scary on that dude- Ranma’s dad is an ass.”
As the two wiped-out teens took their exit, Ranma looked at Jay curiously. “Do you think he’s all that bad? He’s always been like that.”
Jay frowned, and tipped his hat over his eyes. “He’s… complicated, I reckon. Not fair to you. You’re not goin’ behind bars, kid.” He declared.
Ranma nodded slowly.
Maybe… maybe this ain’t so bad.
The redhead happily snored away on the sofa, blissfully unaware of the sunbeam angrily trying to wake them up.
Their sleep was rudely interrupted by a boot kicking in the door, and a horn blaring a wake up call.
Hissing and falling off the couch, Ranma grumbled. “Any reason yer wakin’ me up at the crack of dawn? At least getting thrown off of the second story into a pond isn’t this noisy.”
Jay faltered. “Concerning response aside, get up! We have work to do!”
Ranma groaned. “ Work?”
Jay nodded stiffly. “Yes! Work! Yen doesn’t fall out of the sky, Red! Plus, some of the charges on your head will ease if you’re helpin’ me out! So, up and at ‘em!” Jay guffawed, picking up the redhead by their shirt.
I take it back! This sucks! Put me down, put me down, put me down!
Meanwhile, in Nerima…
Akane gazed at the green fence next to her, and sighed as she walked to school.
I refuse to believe he did any of that, she growled internally. He may be a jerk, but he’s not like Genma! She huffed, wearing an angry expression.
“Hey, Akane!” Rang a voice from behind her. Yuka came running, panting as she tried to catch up.
“Jeez Tendo, you’re a power-walker today.” She wheezed, and turned her voice to a whisper. “Is it Ranma? I saw the news, if you ever feel unsafe you can come over to my place, okay?”
Akane nodded, her frown unmoving. “See, that’s the thing, Yuka, I just… I feel like it wasn’t Ranma’s fault.” She said matter-of-factly.
Yuka gaped. “Wait, seriously?! You think that it wasn’t him? With how awful he is sometimes, I’m surprised you feel that-”
“Hey, look out!”
Akane whipped around to defend herself before being knocked over.
“Augh… hey… watch where you’re-”
“Kami, I’m sorry! Let me help you up!” The girl exclaimed, pulling Akane to her feet really fast, making her dizzy. The red-headed girl adjusted her glasses, and bowed. “I-I was just worried about being late. It’s my first day here!” She beamed.
Akane raised an eyebrow. “Really? So late into the year?”
The girl nodded simply. “I couldn’t wait, I wanted to get a head start for next year! I think I’m in your class, too? Are you… Akane Tendo?”
Akane nodded. “You?”
She giggled, and flashed a peace sign. “I’m Izumi! Izumi Hayashi! But my friends just call me Iz. Anyways, see you two soon~!” She sang, skipping the rest of her way toward the school.
Akane shivered. “Does she seem… overly enthusiastic to you?” Akane asked. “Sorta weird, but maybe I’ll show her around later… Yuka?”
Said girl was gaping at where Izumi had been standing. “She looked kinda like Ranma’s girl-half, didn’t she? Who else gets red hair that bright? Though her hair was down… lucky girl!” She pouted.
Akane squinted her eyes… and shrugged, not seeing it at all.