Chapter Text
Who, Me?! Unwelcome Wakeup Call
Or: Uh Oh (Make a break for it!)
“Com’on, ”Kane, please, I wasn’t kidding!”
Ranma was following his seething fiance to school, well aware of the hot water he was in. Akane, with a heated glare seared into her expression, offered no response.
“I’m bein’ honest, I swear!” Ranma begged, wincing at the unphased aura of the Tendo heiress. “I- it was like I was drained and couldn’t really move and-”
“Kami- no, fuck, Ranma, shut up! ” Akane yelled, shrinking the martial artist behind her into a ball. “You had the audacity to challenge my family name?! You thought handing me some shallow victory where you didn’t even try would make me feel better?!” She half-screamed, half sobbed. “Well, no! You don’t get to stomp on my dignity like that! If you want me to feel better now, then leave me alone! ” Akane sobbed, while storming away.
Ranma knew he could catch up.
…maybe, anyways.
Ranma continued walking, letting his fiance grow smaller out of his sight.
“-sugar, am I uh… supposed to sympathize, or somethin’?”
The Saotome in question hung his head over an okonomiyaki that had hardly been touched.
Ukyo winced. “U-Uh, hey, look- she may be mad now, but, hey, a win’s a win, right…?” Ukyo offered, continuing to work her griddle for the line of students. “Buuuuut… uuuh… if she’s really steamed, maybe you could crash at my place for a bit? I’m sure ‘Natsu wouldn’t care!”
Ranma shook his head. “Ucchan, that’d just make it worse. I just… dunno what happened in that fight. Like my whole… something was gone.”
Ukyo tilted her head at the spoken thought. “Sugar, whatever the case, neither story really helps ya. Either she beat you, fair and square, sayin’ somethin’ about your skill; or ya let her win, like an asshat, after challenging her whole name. So uh. Can’t help ya much, Ranchan…”
Ranma nodded.
“Airen- You- What you thinking?” Shampoo sighed, trotting alongside Ranma after school.
Ranma shrugged and exhaled deeply. “What do you think, Shampoo? There’s no way- no way I’d lose like that. ” He grumbled. “Like, even if I was fakin’ it, that sucked bad. How do I do this?”
Shampoo blinked. “You my… Airen. Can not help with mistress much. Sorry.” She sighed. “Even still, why you even bother? That girl angry because of mother.” Shampoo shook her head. “ Your Mother.” The Amazon clarified.
Ranma snorted defensively. “W-Well, that’s just Ma, I mean, I can’t say no to my own-”
Shampoo glared with her fists balled up. “Ranma, you is almost adult! Have to say no to mother eventually!” She spat. “Have to say no to her for… us, yes?” She nodded expectantly. “Shampoo learn- I learn Japanese for Ai- you! Grow up!”
Ranma nodded, offering nothing further.
Stupid Saotome needs to figure this out already… though, I should tell Grandmother about that fight. Shampoo thought as she left the martial artist behind.
“Oi! Saotome! Over here!”
Ranma sullenly gazed upward, his spiraling thoughts interrupted, and saw Hiroshi and Daisuke waving toward him.
“Hey, man!” Hiroshi grinned. “I don’t see ya out here after school much! Wanna go get the next volume of Eva and oh Kami you look like shit, dude.” Hiroshi grimaced mid-sentence. “Hold the phone, stop right there, cut the music, what happened to you?”
Daisuke, grin melted off his face, nodded in agreement. “Look, normally I’d jab at you about how you look fresh out of wherever Ryoga wanders off to, but you really don’t look good. What’s up, man?” He asked, his eyes filled with an all-too familiar worry.
Ranma seethed at the thought.
“ Nothing.” He said venomously. “I’m gettin’ sick of everybody worryin’ about me. Me an’ Akane… uh… had a fight.” He trailed off, analyzing the ground beneath him.
Hiroshi looked over at Daisuke, and nodded. “Yeah, uh… you literally challenged her to a fight, dude. I’m guessing it didn’t go very well, huh? You uh, hurt her real bad? Because that isn’t very right, Saotome…” He said quietly.
Ranma sighed, and shook his head. “Nah. She wouldn’t be up an’ walking if that were the case… not that I wanna even a little!” He growled. “It’s just… gah. Ma’s been home, and it’s just me, uh… puttin’ my foot in my mouth, as usual, y’know?” He smiled sadly. “At this rate, I think I’ve really blown it…”
Before Hiroshi could speak, Daisuke shook his head rapidly and clapped an arm around Ranma’s shoulder. “Nah. Hey. Look man. Stuff like this happens to you all the time, right? Just a setback! If there’s one thing I know, it's that Ranma Saotome doesn’t lose, right?” Daisuke said with a huge grin.
Ranma smiled at that, and faltered immediately. “W-Well, yeah, but-”
“So don’t let all this get you down!” Daisuke said confidently. “Come on, I just wanted to hang out casually when I saw ya, but I think this calls for a guy’s day, yeah? Let’s go get ya that next volume and find an arcade somewhere!” He said excitedly, Hiroshi nodding in approval behind him.
Ranma chuckled, deciding to surrender to the pumped teens. “Awright, fine. Been needin’ something like this, probably. Lead the way, guys.”
“...and to be honest, that big mech- it was called 01 or somethin’? Anyways, the way it went berserk was so cool. ” Ranma beamed. “You guys gave me a great one! What happens next?”
Hiroshi smiled uneasily, Daisuke rapidly drawing a finger over his throat behind him. Hiroshi coughed. “Uhm, why don’t you read for yourself, Ranma? Don’t wanna uh, spoil that one for you.”
Ranma groaned and laughed. “Agh, fine, but I’ll get ya later if it sucks!” He said, stepping into the manga shop. “I’m gonna go find it right… hey, what’s all this?”
Behind the counter where manga-themed merchandise was now laid scorched, like the whole area behind the counter had exploded. Shelves of books near the counter had been reduced to ash, other students uncomfortably avoiding the wreckage, which unfortunately included Ranma’ favorite Shonen Jump section. The shopkeeper, head bandaged and crutches in hand, was talking to officers close to the back door.
Ranma knelt down, and picked up the next volume of Evangelion off the ground, the outer edges of the manga blackened. His pupils shrank, realizing this wasn’t normal damage.
“Wha… What happened?” Hiroshi asked, his eyes wide. “Was this on the news? This looks like it happened days ago, maybe…”
The shopkeeper, wearing a terrified expression as he regaled his tale to the police, saw Ranma out of the corner of his eye, and his expression contorted in fear. “Y- You!” He pointed shakily at Ranma. “Y-You have n-no right to be in here! You thief! Shop destroyer! Heartbreaker! ” He sobbed. Ranma panicked and dropped the book, stepping back unsteadily. “I- I thought you liked my little shop! How could you?!”
“H-Hey man, I have zero clue what you’re talkin’ about, but I can, uh, help pick this place up, find whoever did this, and-”
The shopkeeper’s fear quickly turned into fury. “Are you serious, young man?! Or can I even say that, considering you attempted to swindle and hurt me in your… girl mode?!” He seethed. “Almost everyone in this town knows you, and you think that maybe the dumb old manga shop owner would fall for your tricks?! The nerve, walking back in here like nothing happened! This is your boy, officers! Arrest him! ”
Ranma took two more steps back. Oh crap.
The leading officer cleared his throat. “Ranma Saotome, for the past few days we’ve been investigating your various crimes committed under the guise of… a female form, while further deceiving people about it being ‘gone’. You are hereby under arrest for the following: Shoplifting, property damage, assault, truancy, fraud, and first degree attempted murder. I had thought you were a shining example of a hero, young man, but it seems the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You’re coming with us.”
Daisuke also stepped back with Ranma as the officers made their way toward the boys. “Ranma, man, I dunno what you did to get a list like that, but you should probably scram…” he whispered urgently. “This doesn’t look good…”
Ranma looked at his friends.
Hiroshi and Daisuke kept their eyes on the glaring officers.
The shopkeeper, still furious, stared into Ranma’s soul.
The officers slowly advanced toward Ranma, their guard held high.
Hiroshi winked at Ranma, gulped, and inhaled. “Ranma, run to that place at school! RUN!”
Ranma gulped, and shouted.
“SAOTOME SECRET TECHNIQUE-”
Ranma didn’t even finish as he bolted the opposite direction, and through the city streets.
“Hey! Damnit- kid, get back here!”
Ranma found himself sprinting through the streets of Tokyo, the policeman hot on his trail. “Hey, ‘scuse me, pardon me, comin’ through, makin’ my way, downtown, gotta get by!” he hurriedly apologized to the crowd he was ducking and weaving between.
Ranma was making good pace as the officers in question slowly disappeared around the block, until he ran head-first into someone tall.
“Agh, hey, watch where you’re goin’- Doc?” Ranma questioned.
The doctor in question adjusted his glasses, and nodded. “Are you alright, Ranma? What’s got you in such a hurry?”
“U-U-Uh hey, listen Tofu, uh, can we talk about this in your office? Like, now?” Ranma pleaded, checking behind himself rapidly.
Tofu nodded, and motioned toward his door a few feet away. “Alright, come on then.” Ranma bolted inside, taking the confused doctor with him, and slammed the door shut.
“A-Alright Ranma, what’s all this? This is frightening me slightly.” Doctor Tofu stammered.
Ranma sighed. “Doc, I think I got framed or somethin’. I walked into a shop, got accused of a lot of stuff under my girl mode, which I don’t even have anymore, and now I’m under arrest.” Ranma panicked.
Doctor Tofu raised an eyebrow. “... and you didn’t just cooperate and explain that you were cured…?”
Ranma paled. “B-But they said I was lyin’-”
The doctor grimaced, and sighed. “Alright Ranma, just… Why don’t we call them, and properly explain, and clear your name, okay?” he said, wearing a calm smile. “I promise, you’ll be safe, okay? Go ahead and sit down so-”
Doctor Tofu was interrupted by a small, black blur flying across the room, grabbing Ranma, and jumping out the window.
“...ah! I see! This was all a really weird dream! I’m going to lie down now.”
“Ow! Hey! What gives! Put me down! Agh!”
The old amazon in question unceremoniously dropped Ranma on the ground of the back of her restaurant, earning another ‘ow’.
“Son-In-Law, do I even want to know what you’ve gotten yourself into this time?” Cologne hissed. “Please explain why you suddenly have law enforcement after you.”
Ranma glared at the elder. “Beats me, you old hag! I got framed for my girl half or something, which isn’t even around anymore! My curse was taken away!”
A beat of silence passed between the two, Ranma having shut up with an ‘ulp’.
“I… beg your pardon?” Cologne questioned. She pulled out a small blue crystal. “Boy, hold this.”
Ranma face-faulted.
“Hold what? ”
“Hold this spell jewel, son-in-law!” She rasped. “Hurry up!”
Ranma rolled his eyes, and grasped the spell jewel.
It proceeded to crack slowly, but surely, and split in half in his palms.
Cologne’s face went white.
“Ranma, what… What happened? ” her voice shook in fear. “That jewel is not supposed to break .”
Ranma balked at the use of his name, and shrugged. “I dunno, kid from my school uh… got rid of it, or somethin’. Using- something that definitely wasn’t taken from here!” Ranma hurriedly backpedaled, eyeing a nearby box.
Cologne whispered curses in Mandarin rapidly before shuffling over to her collection of books, and upon arrival her scowl deepened. “So my belongings were rifled through. You-” Cologne sighed. “...I can tell it wasn’t you. You couldn’t have done that to yourself.” She continued to flip through her books, carefully blowing dust off of each one. “Meanwhile, do you have a plan to deal with-”
She turned around to find said martial artist hastily searching through the instant jusenkyo packs. “Erm… What are you doing, son-in-law?”
Ranma shrugged. “Somethin’... probably really stupid, but maybe works? Can ya trust me on this one, old- Cologne?” Ranma winced at the slip-up.
Cologne, surprised to not hear the familiar insult, nodded. “Right, you need to restore your- hm, that would only be temporary though…” She waved her hand. “Just go on, go! I’ll find your answer soon enough!”
Ranma nodded and took off out the back door, leaving behind an elder amazon, feeling dread pool in her stomach…
Ranma stared at him… or more so, herself in the mirror of the bathroom. After hastily ‘borrowing’ packs of instant drowned girl from the Nekohanten, Ranma’s cursed form had returned.
He stared deep in his reflection’s eyes. “So there’s someone running around as you, huh?” He whispered to himself. “It may suck to use this again, but I have a name to clear now…” he sighed miserably. He snuck back outside, energy having returned, keeping an eye out for stray law enforcement.
This has got to be one of the worst days I’ve had in a good while, and that’s considerin’ Mikado exists, that ass. The redhead thought to himself. Haven’t had me some ice cream in a bit!
The sweet tooth made his way toward his favorite parlor, and was promptly shocked when the man immediately glared at him.
“Oh, look what we have here folks! You all remember this one!” The man jeered. “Back to bug me for, what, your ninth serving? Free serving, might I add?” He snarled. “I’m sick of you harassing me and everyone else who walks in here lately! Get lost, kid, and take your weird intimidating magic with you!” The other customers jeered and shouted at the frazzled teen.
What the actual hell. He thought.
“W-Wait!” He threw his hands out. I-I uh- um- I came to work!”
The parlor employee raised an eyebrow.
“...work?”
“Yeah!” Ranma nodded quickly. “I’m-” Rename gulped. “I’m payin’ off my treats! I wanted to say sorry for all the trouble I caused!” Ranma cringed at himself, and inhaled.
The staff man flashed a small grin. “Aw, hey, wait a minute kid. It hasn’t been too rough on ya lately, has it? It may only be half pay for you , but I’ll pay you.” He nodded. The patrons seemed satisfied with this, and went back to their deserts.
Ranma beamed. “Thank you! I promise I won’t let ya down! Just, um, send details to the Tendo Dojo! See ya!” She bowed, and jogged out of the front door.
Didn’t get my parfait, but at least I have better press…
After further checking to see if the police were scarce, Ranma quietly entered the manga shop.
He spotted the shopkeeper, and sighed.
I swear I’m gonna catch that jackass.
Ranma spoke up. “Hey, uhm,” he coughed, “Sir, I promise this wasn’t me, but… I can help clean up, if ya want.”
The shopkeep offered Ranma a scowl. “And what? Take the burns off of my products? Can it.” He spat. He inhaled to shoot another barb at the martial artist, but his shoulders sagged.
“Kid, whether it was or wasn’t, look at this mess. Something with your face on it did this.” He sobbed.
Ranma flashed an uneasy smile. “Then maybe someone with this face can help fix it?” Ranma tried.
The shopkeep sighed. “Fine, but, be here in a week at 8am! This is making me wanna vacation.” He said wearily.
Ranma could relate.
The Neriman sky was completely gray.
The air smelled like soil, and felt damp, promising bad weather that night. Thunder roiled in the distance. A martial artist trudged alone atop the green fence, not another resident in sight.
Ranma, still sporting cherry red hair, thought deeply on his way home.
Who in their right mind would want to be me… at all? He questioned. Seriously, I think Pa alone minus the fiance wars would be enough to make ya lose it.
He sighed. At bare minimum, I owe a lotta favors but made a lotta people feel better today, but I wish I knew why I still felt so…
His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden gust of wind.
I’m not alone.
Ranma whipped around in a fighting stance. Alright you ass, I’ve looking for you, you better-
“Ranma Saotome, you jerk! Prepare to die!” Ryoga yelled, jumping out of the adjacent bushes.
Ranma barely leapt out of the way of the umbrella. “Hey, porkchop, watch it! I’m a little- yee!” Ranma missed another swing by an inch. “Just- ugh- one second you moron!” He shouted, grabbing Ryoga’s umbrella. How did I catch that?
Upon getting a closer look at Ryoga, Ranma was horrified.
“Ryoga… you’re… dude…”
The lost boy huffed. “Yeah, cracked ribs, black eye, fractured shin, all things you gave me; or so I thought.” He sighed, sitting down.
“What makes ya figure?” Ranma deadpanned.
“I thought it was you, but his- her- ki was all over the place.” Ryoga thought. “And… they didn’t even fight. It was like their battle aura did it all.” He speculated, and proceeded to sputter. “U-Uh, yeah maybe I should’ve thought about that before going after you, but- hey, where are you going?”
Ranma was sprinting. “Home! What if she’s home?!”
“...this just in, today, and get this: Manga Madness?”
The thunder had grown far louder.
“A well-known young man, a martial artist and now part time vigilante was caught on the other side, red handed- or should I say, red-haired?”
Rain had steadily begun to patter away at the ground, soaking the earth once again.
“And, surprise surprise, this little rooftop-hopper made a break for it! Apparently, according to recent reports, the charges are- oh? Can’t read those? Ah.”
The soaked redhead, curse-powder thermos in hand, sprinted toward the Tendo compound. “But, it’s easily speculated that resisting arrest had been added to the charges. To all the kids watching out there: Don’t become like this delinquent!”
Thunder cracked as Ranma ran through the front gate.
“Remember kids: be a better man than this! Please contact local authorities if you see this man/woman!”
Ranma burst through the front door.
The Tendo family, plus one Saotome matriarch, were gathered around the TV in various states of shock.
Akane whipped her head around from where she was sitting. “R-Ranma?”
Ranma froze. He couldn’t breathe.
“Ranma, what happened?” She asked hoarsely. “Was it anything-goes heist or something come on. Ranma. Answer me.” She pleaded. “Are… you okay?”
He rapidly shook his head, and immediately shrank back at his approaching mother.
Akane and Kasumi yelped as the Saotome matriarch drew her blade. Nabiki instantly tried to spring into action.
“H-Hey Mrs. Saotome, um, why don’t we put that away and, uh, re-discuss that contract?” Nabiki tried. “H-He’s cursed now, we need new, modern terms, and-”
Nadoka pushed the middle Tendo aside. “This is between me and my… child.” She hissed. She lurched forward, swinging her blade in a downward arc.
“I gave you up for years! Years! Years of my motherhood robbed from me, to mold you into a man amongst men, only to receive this?! ” The matriarch spat. “You’re no son of mine! None! Out! You… criminal! Out! ”
Ranma desperately avoided the blade, entirely unwilling to fight his mother. “M-Ma, please, I’m gonna make it up, I’m gonna-” he was cut short, grazed by the Saotome honor blade.
Ranma cried out in pain, and stumbled backward. She gazed in utter betrayal at his mother.
“I will say it one. Last. Time. If you have any honor, turn yourself into the authorities.”
Akane sobbed. “W-Wait, please no-”
“Stay out of this, Akane Tendo.” Nadoka threatened, immediately earning the ire of the rest of the Tendo family.
“Now Nadoka, I respect you as my best friend’s wife but-”
Nadoka’s gaze bore a hole into Soun’s soul.
“Please don’t- uhm- never mind really.” he whimpered, exiting the room quickly. Kasumi shot a frown in his direction.
“Well? Anyone else in favor of housing a-” As soon as Nadoka returned to Ranma’s direction, the teen was already headed out the door.
Akane screamed. “No. No! Ranma no!” She ran, getting pulled back by Nabiki.
“K-Kid- ow, hey!” Nabiki grumbled. “Get a grip, Saotome’s in seriously hot water, do you honestly want any part of that?! Stop elbowing me!” Nabiki shoved her younger sister away. “Whatever that idiot did, he can figure out himself, but stop throwing yourself into these shitty situations!”
“Language!” Nadoka scolded.
Akane took a step back.
“...hey, wait, don’t-”
“Ranma!” Akane yelled, sprinting into the rain. “Ranma, you dummy, you idiot, come back… come…”
She trailed off as she realized he was already gone.
Ranma made it to the bridge, soaked from the rain.
Tears blended with the rain as wracked sobs escaped his throat.
Fuck.
Fuck.
They all hate me. The whole town prolly’ hates me. Ma and the Tendos hate me. They all think I’m a criminal.
Ranma sank to his knees in a sob. “ Why?! Why?!” He rambled over and over. “Why did you have to turn everyone on me!” Ranma screamed into the stormy skyline.
“Because you sort of suck, to be frank.”
Ranma froze. The wind whipped around his form, a distant boom of thunder illuminating the figure above him atop the bridge railing.
Himself. His female form, wearing a lazy smile and slacks with a reddish button down shirt; a mockery of his usual silks. Her hair was drawn into a ponytail, rather than the familiar braid.
Ranma stared into the double’s soul. “You.” He said with hate in his breath. The double shrugged.
“Yeah, me, I guess.” She said sarcastically. “Jeez, you’re awfully upset, Mr. ‘I hate my life and all these women all over me.’ What happened out there? Cure not go so well?” She teased, her form in the dark storm glowing a bit with golden ki, her blue eyes glowing intensely. “What’s the long face for, huh?”
Ranma seethed. “How are you- how are you so calm.” He hissed. “You ruined my life, you piece of shit.”
Ranma(?) raised her hands defensively. “Whoa whoa whoa, steady there Saotome!” She said quickly. “I’m pretty sure you wanted me to… take your curse.” She said smugly. “Though even I’ll admit I didn’t know all your magic would come with it- dude, you handle this stuff on a daily basis? It’s insane!” The double said exuberantly, laughing near maniacally. “Oh, and pardon my manners; my name is Izumi!”
Ranma gulped, fear pooling in his stomach. She has all of my ki my… literal essence, he thought, gripped by the icy hand of revelation. That’s why I’ve been so weak. That’s how Akane beat me.
“But… why?” Ranma croaked weakly. Izumi sighed, and swung her legs from the bridge.
She flashed a rather serious look at him. “Buddy, for what my words are worth, have you ever considered how many people would actually murder someone for your abilities? Your life? Your so-called curse ?” She said bitterly. “Ever since I found out about you as a nobody from Furinkan, I’ve been wondering from day one how to get my hands on this, y’know?”
Ranma’s eyes bulged out of his sockets. She was a Furinkan student?!
She grinned overly cutely. “And wouldn’t ya know it? I finally managed to catch your rival one day! Though I imagine it’s kinda hard to be rivals without all the uh, glowy stuff ya got going on here.” She mused, flicking overflowing ki between her fingers. “Ah, getting ahead of myself. Anyways, that moron actually found that book I was looking for; the one we learned about, if you actually paid attention in Chinese history class, the book of power sealing techniques. Artifacts unit, y’know.” She drawled nonchalantly. The wind and rain kept battering both of them.
“As I was sayin’. I figured none of that was actually real- til’ you showed up, with not only a blessing for a curse, but an honest-to-kami amazon! One thing led to another, you trusted me pretty blindly last week, and bam!” She laughed triumphantly. “Oh, and uh, sorry about all the trouble caused in your name.” She shrugged, jumping down to the ground, a crater forming at her feet. Ranma was sent flying backward. She laughed at the tumbling martial artist.
“Had to run you out of town somehow. I kinda like this new look I got goin’ on.” She said, grinning viciously. “Does it feel good, you jackass? Finally having your own medicine shoved in your face? I can’t wait to make this look entirely mine.”
Ranma snarled and immediately hopped to his feet and lunged at the fake self, before his fist was forced back by a stray tendril of ki, sending him tumbling back to the ground. Izumi snickered.
“Jeez, you really don’t know your own strength.” She laughed. She crouched down at the crying and seething boy before her feet, and whispered to him with delight.
“I maybe would’ve gone for that name, but your name doesn’t matter a whole lot anymore. Enjoy your manhood- though you don’t even have much of that anymore, somehow.” She laughed, eyeing Ranma’s temporary female form. “I’ll be taking my leave, if it makes you feel any better. Got places to be. So run along, Saotome.” Izumi said in mock support.
Ranma didn’t even look at her. “Fuck you.” He spit, unable to lift himself off the ground.
Izumi sighed. “You’re so dramatic, dude… see you when I see you.” She said nonchalantly, walking away from the disgraced martial artist.
The storm grew louder.
Ranma after a few moments finally found the strength to stand, but Izumi was long gone. He muttered more curses, sobs escaping from him again.
I can’t go home. I can’t go anywhere.
Seeya, Nerima.
Ranma wandered into the stormy darkness, truly alone for the first time.