Chapter Text
She woke up to fingertips trailing softly across her bare spine, swirls and patterns being tickled along her body, fingernails gently trailing words into her skin like secrets seeping into her soul.
“Morning.” She whispered softly, not wanting to break the tranquil little bubble that seemed to envelop them.
Natsu must’ve moved her to the bed at some point during the night, because her legs were tangled impossibly in the duvet and a pillow was squished against her cheek, no doubt leaving crease marks on her skin.
She stretched her body out, arms raising about her head and legs stretching to the very end of the bed.
Her spine popped and she let out a small moan of relief, rolling completely onto her stomach, sinking deeper into the mattress as her muscles relaxed.
“Gross.” Natsu teased quietly, voice still rough with remnants of sleep.
She turned her head to find him lying on his side, head propped up on his hand while his other hand continued to tickle against her skin.
He was just laying there watching her, a gentle smile playing on his lips, but it didn’t hide the sadness she could see hiding in his eyes, hiding in the way he touched her so gently yet filled with such reverence, like he couldn’t believe she was real.
She reached out and cupped his cheek, smiling a soft smile as his eyes fluttered shut and he nuzzled into the palm of her hand, his lips brushing against the pulse on her wrist.
“Sleep okay?” She asked, her thumb brushing back and forth slowly across his cheek.
He blew out a breath, his eyes opening to find hers, and she felt her heart ache at the tears in his eyes.
“Natsu,” She breathed, shuffling closer so that they were chest to chest. “Talk to me. Please.”
He blew out a long, trembling sigh. “I… I can’t Luce. This isn’t who I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to be the fun one, the one that’s always raising the spirits of others. I hold it all together for everyone. I can’t be the one falling apart, I just can’t.”
He rolled onto his back and she immediately followed, straddling his hips and leaning down towards his face, her hair falling around them like a curtain.
“Stop that.” She scolded, cradling his face in her hands. “You aren’t supposed to be anybody but Natsu. Whichever version of you that may be. You’re not one-dimensional, my love. You have the capacity to feel things other than just happiness. Especially with me.”
She watched his face as he processed her words, catching more tears with her thumbs as she waited patiently for him to start speaking.
“I - Lucy,” He sobbed softly, eyes fluttering shut as she leaned down and began pressing little kisses across his face, catching his tears with her lips. “You died. ”
Her heart shattered inside of her chest, and she closed her eyes trying to ignore the stinging behind them. She pressed her forehead to his, their noses brushing.
“I know. I know.” She choked out, cradling his face between her hands. “I’m so sorry, Natsu.”
He shook his head, the movement dragging hers with him.
“No. Don’t apologise.” He whispered, his hands sweeping up and down her back. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was me who hurt you. Me who burned you and broke your ribs. I’m the one who’s sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Natsu, no,” She cried. “You saved me. Don’t you see that? I don’t care about broken bones or a tiny little scar. I’m alive. Because of you. ”
She sat up on his lap, reaching behind her back to tug at his hand until he followed her up, his arms wrapping around her back and their chests pressing together.
“I need you to listen to me and hear me, can you do that?” She asked shakily, pressing one of her hands over his heart.
He sobbed quietly, tipping his head forward to bury his face against her neck.
“You saved my life, Natsu. You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t do a single thing wrong.” She murmured against his ear pleadingly. “ Please hear me. You shouldn’t feel guilty, not when you saved me.”
“I hurt you.” His lips brushed against her neck as he whispered. “I hurt you.”
He repeated the words over and over, crying harder against her.
Lucy held him tightly, one hand burying in his hair and the other rubbing softly up and down his back.
“No, baby,” Her voice was thick with tears. “You didn’t.”
It broke her heart to know how long he’d been holding onto the guilt over what had happened to her. She only hoped that he would start believing the words she’d said, that he would believe her.
She wasn’t sure how long they sat there while Natsu cried, and she didn’t care. She waited until his sobs had softened into hiccuping breaths before pulling away slightly to look at him, her hands cradling his face.
“I love you.” She murmured, brushing her lips across his and swiping her thumbs across his wet cheeks. “So much.”
Natsu sighed against her. “I love you, Lucy.”
She moved off his lap, dragging him with her until they were both lying back against the pillows with Natsu’s head pillowed on her chest directly above her heart.
His entire body melted against hers as soon as he was close to her heart. He nuzzled against her, pressing his ear as hard as he could without hurting her and it just made her ache for him. She wanted nothing more than to be able to take all his hurt and guilt away from him.
“Get some sleep, love.” She murmured quietly, fingers brushing through his hair and nails scratching comfortingly at his scalp in the way that never failed to make his body turn into a puddle of goo.
He hummed, brushing his lips across her chest before settling, one leg slinging over her legs and his arm wrapping around her waist until he could press his palm flat on her back underneath her top.
She just held him tighter, silently hoping he could feel all her love and trust. Hoping it would help soothe what had broken inside of him that day.
He woke up screaming.
The sound of bones crunching echoed in his ears like gunshots, and bile crept up his throat, burning, and he took off in the general direction of the bathroom, still trapped half between the real world and his nightmare.
Falling to his knees at the toilet, he gripped the porcelain tight and threw up what felt like everything he’d ever eaten as the sound of his hands breaking Lucy’s bones replayed over and over in his head.
He hated himself.
He had caused pain to the one person he’d promised to never hurt, and she still loved him. Still forgave him. And it made him want to scream because he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her.
But, he was far too selfish. And he couldn’t let her go, either.
He was suddenly aware of a warm hand sweeping comfortingly across his back, and a soft sweet voice murmuring right near his ear as Lucy draped herself across his back, her arms keeping him upright as he puked.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you,” Her voice washed over him like a soft blanket, securing him in a cocoon of warmth that promised to keep him safe. “Let it out, baby.”
He sobbed, falling back against her once he was finished, adrenaline still flooding his system as he tried desperately to fight off the memories that wanted to drag him under.
He didn’t understand. He’d been able to bottle all of it away for an entire year, but now, it felt like Pandora’s Box had been opened after talking to Lucy earlier in the day, and he couldn’t put it back.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He wept, turning to pull her against his chest, needing to just hold her.
“Shh,” Lucy murmured, pressing light kisses all across his face. “Stop saying sorry. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
But he did. He’d fucking hurt the love of his life. And, he knew it would only be a matter of time before she left him because of what his hands were capable of. He wouldn’t stop her. He couldn’t. But, he would hold her as tight as he could for however long he had her.
“I’m sorry. I love you.” He sobbed, heart cracking open. “I’m sorry.”
He hated himself. He hated himself. He hated himself.