Chapter Text
Louis
When I explained the situation with my mum and stepdad, the boys were really understanding. Pretty quickly, everyone forgot about my disappearing act and everything went back to normal. Well everything, except Harry went back to normal.
Harry and I can’t get enough of each other. We find excuses to touch each other as much as possible even if it is just a pat on the back or an arm around the shoulders or waist. And every time we are left alone in any sort of private area, we quickly find ourselves snogging. It is perfect. Kissing him is better than I ever dreamed of. Considering my only other kiss was with a guy in the locker room at school who punched me in the face afterwards, I guess that isn’t saying much. But I believe Harry is fantastic. The only issue is we still haven’t talked about what is going on between us. Whenever we are alone together, we are too busy kissing and maybe a little too scared to broach the subject.
“I can tell that he wants to talk about it,” I tell Hannah on the phone as I pace around the back garden of the X Factor house late at night, so there is no one around to overhear me.
“I still can’t believe this is actually happening. I’m sorry for all the shit I gave you. I guess he did like you all this time.”
“Well, I don’t know that. It could be a new thing for him. I wouldn’t know because we haven’t talked about it.”
“Look Louis, the only way to figure this out is to talk to him,” Hannah says slowly, like I’m too dense to understand. To be fair to her, I probably am because the thought of asking Harry the questions I want the answers to terrifies me.
“I’m scared of what he will say. What if this is just a fun distraction for him? Or a silly little fling?”
“You opened this can of worms. You can’t put the lid back on it now. Go talk to him,” Hannah commands.
“Right now?”
“Yes! Rip the bandaid off. You have to do this.”
“You’re right.”
“Love you Lou!”
“Love you too. Bye.”
I hang up the phone and start walking back towards the house before I can chicken out. I find Harry, Liam, Niall, and Zayn chatting animatedly in the sitting room with Aiden and Matt. I catch Harry’s eye and wink at him before making my way up the stairs.
I haven’t been waiting two minutes when the door to our room flies open and Harry enters, green eyes wild with excitement. They narrow on me, almost predatory, as he shuts the door and smoothly moves across the floor to me. I still can’t wrap my brain around the way my sweet and sensitive Harry so easily slides into the sexy and commanding version of himself.
His large and warm hand grips the back of my neck firmly as he pulls me in for a kiss. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulls me flush against his body. Just like that, I am lost in him. He nips my bottom lip, drawing a moan from me, which must go straight to his cock because I feel him harden against my thigh. Fuck. He breaks the kiss and nips at my earlobe before whispering, “you have no idea all the things I want to do to you, Louis.”
I want to find out; I want the privacy and all the time in the world to do everything we want to each other but that is not a luxury we have. I also can’t, I just can’t take this further until I know his intentions. It will break me if he is just playing around. I slip out of his grip and fall back onto my bed. At first he takes it as an invitation and tries to scramble on top of me, but I put a hand against his chest and whisper, “wait.”
The hunger in Harry’s eyes quickly shifts to concern and uncertainty. “What happened? Did I say something wrong?”
“No, not at all,” I tell him, pulling him down on the bed, sitting across from me, our knees bumping. I run a hand through his slightly sweaty curls, “I just.. I want to talk about something.”
Harry
I knew this moment was coming; I have been avoiding it. This is the moment where Louis is going to break my heart. Where he tells me we are just fooling around and he has a girlfriend.
“I want to talk about us,” Louis presses, taking my hands in his. I pull mine away and jump to my feet.
“Look, I get it, okay? We don’t have to have this talk.”
Louis looks small and hurt, sitting on the bed as I look down at him from standing. “What do you get Harry? Because I don’t understand anything that is happening.”
I almost break and wrap him in a hug, he looks so wounded. But no, he is about to break my heart, I don’t owe him anything. “I get that this isn’t serious for you, and it isn’t for me either.” I don’t know why I said that, but Louis looks like I slapped him. I don’t miss the way his eyes get swimmy and he bites his lip to hold himself together.
“Then you don’t understand anything, Harry.” Louis says so quietly I have to strain my ears to hear him, “this is serious for me.”
Part of me is relieved to hear him admit that, I can see the desperation in his eyes. A need for me, that matches my need for him. But anger flairs, “How am I supposed to take that Louis? You have a girlfriend!”
He shakes his head desperately, “I don’t though. Well I guess I do, but it’s not how it sounds. It’s well…”
My voice drops as my chest fills with hope. “explain, please.” I sound so desperate, but I can’t be bothered about that now. I kneel in front of the bed, taking his hands in mine.
“Hannah and my relationship is fake. It’s convenient for both of us. People bully her, and I was popular in school, so it gives her some social standing. And well… it’s made it easier for me to stay in the closet because I’m gay. ”
Louis looks into my eyes, searching for my response to his news. I don’t know why he is so nervous to come out to the guy he has been snogging at every possible moment, but I hate seeing him so unsure and I feel like an ass. I really misjudged this situation. I gently tug his hands, pulling him off the bed and into my lap, wrapping him in a secure hug. “This is serious for me, too.”
I don’t even realize I am crying until Louis starts wiping away my tears. I close the small distance between us and press my lips to his again. This time, we make out slowly and gently. This kiss feels significant. It isn’t desperate and full of pent up energy; it is deliberate, full of care, like for the first time I am really getting to know him, in every way.
Louis
Harry usually only sleeps in my bed the night before results, but after tonight’s shock, I am not surprised at all when Harry climbs in my bed, tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t even wait for the other boys to go to bed. The lights are on and they are still changing and talking quietly. No one looks twice or seems surprised. They know we share a bed sometimes and with Harry so upset, I’m pretty damn sure any of them would let him into their bed. It fills my chest with a little pride that I’m the one he chooses.
It has been a funereal atmosphere in the house since we got back from the results show. No one could have seen this coming. Aiden got sent home, not Wagner, which is what everyone was expecting. It made all of this feel very real. This isn’t a game, our opportunity, our shot at that recording contract is at stake, and there is only one winner.
Harry’s teary eyed breakdown is how we are all feeling right now, even if we aren’t showing it. Aiden is our friend and has been such an integral part of the house. On top of the grief, the pressure is immense. I know I can’t stop imagining what it will feel like if Dermont called out our name to go home. Just imagining it is almost enough to make me cry. So I hold Harry against my chest and stay awake, stroking his hair long after soft snores have replaced his cries, and the rest of the boys have fallen asleep. I can’t stop thinking about what all is at stake, not just a recording contract but my friendship with Zayn, Liam, and Niall and my relationship, whatever you want to call it, with Harry. The promise I made Harry, after our first live show, that he would be a star, that I would make sure this dream came true, no matter what. For the first time, I put some serious thought into how I am going to do that if we don’t win the show.
The week goes by quickly as we prepare for the Beatles night, live show. There is a lot less goofing off and chatting around the house. Everyone is working hard and keeping more to themselves. We get a bit of a reprieve by going to the England vs. France Football game, which is a lot of fun. But as soon as it is over, the mounting pressure to succeed with our song, “All You Need Is Love” is suffocating me again, and I am not the only one feeling it.
I keep overcompensating for the stress, trying to cheer everyone up and make sure people are having a good time. Niall is meeting my energy and the two of us together are silly, to the point of being annoying, which has been pointed out many times. Zayn has pretty much shut down, sometimes having long chats with Liam but mostly keeping to himself. Liam is a mess, vacillating wildly between irritable and apologetic. And my sweet Harry has taken on a bad habit of moaning about silly things. There is always something wrong with him now, something that doesn’t feel good, or something that hurts. Our regular make-out session are more often than not, me comforting a weepy Harry now. Not that I’m complaining. I would do anything for him, and it is an honor that he trusts me and comes to me for comfort.
By the time the results show is over, and we make it to weak eight, I decide something has to change. We can’t all carry on like this.
Harry
Louis has been driving me crazy all night, in the best way possible. He just looks so damn sexy all the time. I snuck a peak while we were doing our quick change backstage between performing the charity single and the results. I find Louis staring straight back at me; I take a moment to run my eyes up and down his body, knowing he is watching me do it before rushing through the rest of my change.
Before we go on stage, I wrap my arm around his shoulders and whisper quietly in his ear, making sure Simon and the boys can’t hear. “Need you tonight, Lou.” I enjoy his sharp intake of breath and the shy smile I can barely make out in the dark.
Everyone is so relieved when we finally pile into our small room at the end of the night, we made it through to another week. There is shuffling around as people set about getting ready for bed, but Louis stops us by producing a small bottle of cherry vodka. “Hold on there lads, I think we need to celebrate.”
Niall nods eagerly but Liam protests, “Not the best ides, we have to start preparing tomorrow for not just one, but two songs.” Zayn nods in agreement.
“Trust me boys, that is exactly why we need this,” Louis says, smiling wide before getting serious. “We can’t go on another week like this. We need to relax a little.” I must admit, he has a point. I haven’t missed the way Louis has been hovering around every one of us, trying to keep our spirits high. Weathering all the abuse thrown at him for it, unphased. He has been there to help patch up every single one of my minor ailments that seem so catastrophic at the time, and embarrassingly silly when I’m trying to fall asleep at night.
So, I throw in my support, “Louis is right,” we’ve got to let off some steam.
“Fine,” Liam snaps, taking the bottle from Louis and taking a hearty swig before passing it to Zayn.
“That’s more like it,” Louis celebrates too loudly, causing us all to shush him.
We all sit around on our beds and pass around the bottle of vodka, chatting and joking easily, just like in the early days of the competition. Louis really knows what he is doing. The bottle is big enough to get us all a little tipsy and relaxed, but not so big anyone gets drunk.
I’m extra grateful for the alcohol because it lessens the time I have to lie in my bunk waiting for Liam, Zayn, and Niall to fall asleep. I haven’t forgotten what I told Louis backstage tonight and the second it seems safe, I quietly spring out of my bed and cross to Louis.
He is staring up at the ceiling, waiting. He knew I was coming. I grab his hand and lead him out of the room. While I was laying in bed waiting, I put a lot of thought into where to do this. The bathroom is the safest option because we can close and lock the door, but that is not very romantic. Instead, I drag him downstairs to a tucked away corner of the large sitting room. It is the middle of the night, so nobody should come in here anyway, but if they do, it will be hard to spot us and we will have plenty of warning.
I quickly invade Louis’ space, pressing his back against the wall as our lips meet in a slow, deliberate kiss. I want to go further with him tonight and I want it to be special, not rough and chaotic. As we kiss, I make a familiar move, dropping my hand to cup Louis’ ass and pull him in closer to me, moaning at the way his hardness rubs against mine.
We grind on each other, stifling our quiet moans with each other’s mouths until I can’t take it anymore. I drop my lips to Louis’ neck and lightly suck and bite as I move a hand to his inner thigh and run it upwards, with a clear destination in mind. He doesn’t stop me, so I cup his bulge over his pajama pants. Suddenly, his whole body goes rigid, and he whispers my name, sounding scared.
I drop my hand and step away, giving him space. “What is it Louis?”
He has turned beet red and is staring at his feet intently. “I… I… Well, I don’t know what I’m doing,” he whispers before covering his face with his hands in shame.
“Hey, hey, that’s okay,” I tell him, moving his hands around my waist and pulling him in close. Louis nuzzles his face into my neck. “Do you want to go further?” I whisper. “No pressure.”
“Yes.”
“Well then, it’s a good thing I know what I’m doing,” I say.
“You’ve done stuff with guys before?” His head pops up and I see genuine amazement on his face. It is so adorable.
“Yeah, guys and girls.”
“Are you a virgin?” he asks seriously.
“No Lou, I’ve gone all the way with a girl before, but not a guy.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Do you want to get back to what we were doing before?” Louis nods shyly. So I capture his lips in a kiss and take the lead. Running my thumbs under the waistband of his pants, loving the way he gasps and moans.
When I’m sure he is relaxed, I slowly drag his pants and pajamas down his hips. They pool at his feet. I can’t resist my desire to look at him. So I step back and take in the sight of him. “Gorgeous, Lou,” I whisper, watching his face turn crimson. I step back towards him and take his hard dick in my hand, stroking slowly. He has to stifle his cry of pleasure in my shoulder.
The world has slowed down to just this moment. My hand on Louis, the brilliant blue of his eyes staring into mine, full of want and love. I speed up a little and he drops his head forward, resting his forehead on my chest. I wrap my other arm around him and whisper, “you’re doing so good baby, are you going to come for me?”
“mhm,” he mumbles. “I don’t want to too soon,” he admits, clearly struggling to contain himself.
“Don’t worry about that.” I don’t want him to be embarrassed. I want him to enjoy his first time. “Let yourself go.” At my words, his breathing speeds up and his hips twitch. In a moment’s time, his is spilling all over my hand. I hold him close as he comes down, but I can’t resist bucking my hips against him.
When he seems okay, I quickly pull my pants down below my hips and start pumping myself furiously, using his come as lube, already so close just from watching him fall apart. Louis moans watching the obscene sight before saying, “Wait, wait, let me.”
I pause. The idea of his hand on me is worth waiting for. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah?” He looks down at my dick in my hand and bites his lip before reaching forward, a little unsure.
“Just do what feels good when you touch yourself.”
He nods, hyping himself up and wraps his slim fingers around my cock. I throw my head back and try (and fail) to suppress my moans as he moves his hand skillfully for someone who has never done this before. “I always think about you when I touch myself.”
As soon as those filthy words leave his innocent mouth, I spill all over his hand, with little warning. “Fuck Louis, you’re something else.” I pull my t-shirt off and wipe his hands and dick clean before moving onto mine.
When we are mostly both dressed, we are standing toe to toe and Louis won’t look me in the eye. “You okay?” I ask him, stroking his cheek with my thumb.
His eyes peek up at me through his eyelashes. “Yeah.”
“Did you like that?”
“Loved it,” he says with a small grin.
“Then what’s wrong?” I ask gently.
“Nothing, just feeling a lot of things.”
“Good things?”
“Yeah,” he says with a little nod.
“I know what you need, cuddles,” I tell him and for a moment, his face lights up. I sit on the floor with my back against the wall and guide him into my lap. Louis melts into me as I wrap my arms around him and nuzzle his neck. “My Lou,” I whisper.
After a moment, I get my response, “My Haz.” When he claims me, my stomach erupts into butterflies. I think he is the only thing in the world I will ever want.