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Saphir wished everything could just go back to being how it used to be.
It had become a habit to him—one that wasn’t any good to his mental health—to lie in his bed at night and ruminate about the past until he fell asleep. His thoughts went as far as his memory could go. He remembered every time Demande smiled for him, every time Demande looked at him with caring eyes, every time Demande touched him tenderly, every time they played together in the palace’s garden—if that could be called a garden—or helped each other to not be scolded by their guardians because they did something they weren’t supposed to do.
Those happy, innocent days were long past them, but Saphir was unable to let go of them.
He turned on his side on the bed, feeling pathetic. His brother was his everything, and he used to be sure his feelings were reciprocated, but what did he mean to his brother now ? He didn’t know anymore, and he was afraid to find out.
However, now wasn’t the time to think about sad things. It was his time to cherish his favorite memories. Closing his eyes, he started remembering multiple bits and pieces of his childhood with his brother.
He remembered tucking himself in Demande’s bed before Demande’s bedtime, so when he finally went to his room, Saphir would pretend to be sleeping so Demande wouldn’t wake him up to take him to his own bed. Instead, Demande would join Saphir and cuddle up with him, and they would both fall asleep feeling each other’s warmth.
Then, his mind went further back, picturing a time when they were still small kids, and they played hide-and-seek around the palace. Demande had always been the best at finding Saphir, no matter how well he hid, but on the other hand, he was awful at hiding, and Saphir always pouted and scolded his big brother, saying he wasn’t even trying and it was too easy to find him and that ruined the fun.
Next, he saw himself crying in Demande’s arms after hurting himself when playing around the palace, running through the many rooms until he tripped over his own feet and hit a shelf, making everything that was on top of it fall over his head. At first he was in pain, but it didn’t take too long for him to just cling to his brother because he wanted to be pampered by him. Besides, he didn’t want to be scolded because of the fallen items, he knew he might have broken something.
But the memory he chose to rehash completely in his mind was a precious moment from his early teens, he couldn’t be older than 14 the day it happened. He could picture the whole scene so well that it felt like he was a third party watching it as it happened in front of his eyes.
Saphir was lying on the grass in the garden. He was near the bushes that he often stared at while thinking about what kind of flower would bloom from them if the sunlight could reach them. He liked to imagine how the bushes would look if they were full of flowers of many different colors. On that particular day, he was there at the most iluminated time, and the cold night hadn’t fallen yet. The vague, weak light falling on him made him sleepy, and so he closed his eyes. He dozed off, and he wasn’t sure much time had passed when he heard his brother’s voice calling him from a distance.
“Saphir.”
His first thought was to respond, but he stopped himself. He stayed lying there with his eyes closed and waited to see if Demande would find him. Or, better saying, when Demande would find him. Demande always found him.
It took his brother less than a minute.
“There you are,” said Demande.
Saphir pretended he didn’t listen.
“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty,” Demande called again.
Saphir didn’t reply.
He heard Demande’s steps on the ground.
“Come on, now. If you sleep outside you’re going to catch a cold.”
Saphir couldn’t help smiling, so he had to open his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to pretend to be sleeping anymore.
“It’s not completely dark yet,” he finally replied, “It feels good and warm here.”
“Still. I can’t have you lying in the front yard.”
“Why not?”
“The younger brother of a prince sleeping on the ground. What would people think?”
Saphir pouted.
“It’s not like anyone can see me.”
“I can.”
“Well, if my lying here bothers you so much, take me out of here yourself,” Saphir smiled mischievously, closing his eyes again
“Very well,” he heard Demande saying.
Demande walked closer to where Saphir was lying. Saphir wasn’t sure what exactly he was expecting Demande to do that time, but lifting him up and carrying him in his arms bridal-style so he could bring him back inside home hadn’t crossed his mind. And it was exactly what Demande did.
“Nii-san, what are you doing?” he asked with his eyes now wide open, his cheeks blushing intensely.
“Exactly what you told me to do,” it was Demande’s turn to show a mischievous smile.
“Put me down! Don’t carry me as if I were a woman!!”
“Why, now. Weren’t you the one who used to say that if I were the prince, you would be my princess? Isn’t it fitting for me to carry you like this?” Demande said, teasing.
“That was ages ago!” Saphir exclaimed and covered his face with his hands, wanting to hide in a hole.
Demande chuckled, and after a few more steps, he put Saphir down. They were at their palace’s door.
“Next time I’m carrying you like this to your room,” he said.
“Don’t you dare!” Saphir reprimanded him. Demande only smiled at him and told him to come inside because it was almost time for supper.
Saphir’s lips curved into a smile. That memory always made him smile, no matter how sad he was, and no matter how many times he reenacted it.
It didn’t take him long to fall asleep and dream about those days he missed so much.
Since the Black Moon had started their attack on 20th Century’s Earth, the days had been passing too fast and too slowly at the same time. Everyday Saphir did what Demande ordered him to do. He wanted to go against his brother, knowing the one behind the orders wasn’t really him, but Wiseman, but he didn’t have it in him to contest. Contesting Demande meant angering him, and Saphir couldn’t stand the idea of Demande’s eyes looking at him while filled with anger.
But something was wrong with that whole situation. There was something wrong about Wiseman or whoever was that thing’s true identity, and he knew it, and once he had how to prove it, he would take his brother back from Wiseman’s grasp.
“Who can I trust if I don’t trust Wiseman?” Demande had asked when Saphir brought his suspicions to him.
That question hit Saphir like a brick. If he wasn’t so surprised by it, he would have given what he believed to be the only possible answer: you can trust me, nii-san . But thinking now, what would that mean for Demande? What could trusting Saphir do for him? When they were younger and trusted only each other they failed at doing anything to bring light to their planet. They failed at saving their people.
Seconds after uttering those words, Demande touched Saphir for the first time in days. His hand delicately brushed the hair off his eyes.
“So, Saphir. Protect the reactor and increase the Black Crystal’s energy until the Dark Gate is open… Do you understand?”
Demande’s words were soft as he spoke to him, his tone was so close to the tone that he would have used to talk to Saphir years ago, sounding so gentle and loving. But something about the feeling was different. It was cold, just like his touch.
Still, Saphir saw no option other than obeying. Even if only so he could have Demande’s attention again. If only he could have his touch, his voice.
Finally, the day when Saphir finally discovered the truth about Wiseman’s intentions had arrived, albeit much later than he had hoped for. Unfortunately for Saphir, Wiseman found him out before he could do anything with that information and attacked him. If the portal to 20th Century’s Earth hadn’t been opened at the last second, Saphir would have met his end. He was able to escape Wiseman, but not unscathed. His body was hurt and weak, and he didn’t know what to do or where to go so he could reach Demande again and tell him everything. He wandered around the noisy city until he found himself in what seemed to be a park, or somewhere that had grass. Saphir thought he was dying the moment he felt his conscience slipping out of his body and he could breathe the smell of the grass that brought him so many good memories, filling his heart with nostalgia. He remembered the first time he saw a flower, how amazed he was that such a small and beautiful thing was able to be born in the darkness of Nemesis. At the time, Demande was with him, both their hearts still overflowing with courage and hope that someday they would take over Earth and get a new life, one in a bright, sunny planet, where flowers, trees and life could grow. The end of their living in cold darkness.
Sadly, even inside his head Wiseman showed up to destroy his dreams, and he saw the entity taking his brother away from him once again before he woke up as if jumping out of a nightmare,
If he had been told that he would be rescued and have his wounds treated by Petz and the other Spectre Sisters he wouldn’t have believed it. But he was grateful, he truly was, which is why he felt bad when he needed to leave without telling them. But he had to reach Demande, to tell him the truth. He needed to get him back from Wiseman so they could be together again and find a better way to live their lives. He wouldn’t even mind staying in Nemesis anymore, as long as Demande was with him, just like he had always been before.
In the end, despite having the protection of the Spectre Sisters and the Sailor Guardians, he wasn’t able to conceive his message to his brother. When he was about to tell him, once again Wiseman appeared to ruin his plans. He managed to resist the first attack, but the moment he was hit by Wiseman’s second blow, Saphir knew there was nothing that could be done, he had no salvation. He could feel his body stopping its functions. His eyelids closed, his breathing stopped, his heartbeat got slower and slower. Even the pain had stopped, as well as all other physical sensations. The only thing left was his conscience, and in his dying thoughts, perhaps the only thing still keeping him alive, was the image of his brother smiling for him. A smile he would never see again.
Then he felt something, someone lifting him up from the ground. That warmth he knew so well, but hadn’t felt in so long, was enveloping his body.
Nii-san…
He didn’t have the strength to smile, but at that moment he knew his feelings had finally reached Demande. The memory of his brother carrying him in that same way years earlier flashed in his mind again, and he wasn’t sure if he was really feeling Demande’s heat and touch or if the memory was bringing back the feeling of that day long ago. For just a few seconds, his last moments on Earth, it was just like back then. His brother, his beloved prince, was carrying him home once again.