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Chapter Text

…(The sound of flesh against flesh echoed through the room; a body slumped on the floor, while the sound of broken furniture and glass was heard around the mansion, causing everyone (Servant or otherwise) to flinch and scurry away in terror. This was followed by curses, shouts, and anger, as the woman who raged, let out an ear-piercing screech before she picked one of the heavy vases and threw it at the curling form on the floor; ignoring the whimpering and pleading that were heard.

A harsh flinch and the man who was curling on the floor flung himself away from the vase that shattered into a million tiny pieces; shaking and shivering as he glanced at the woman who was glaring at him harshly, giving him a look that promised death and pain for daring to avoid the vase, and bringing dishonor to her family when she spent decades after decades building her Clan from the ground to where they were now.

“A-A-A-Niang…” The man could only choke out in terror as he scurried away from his mother’s path; his voice was so small, it could be akin to a gnat, trying not to bring further pain and destruction to his corner of the room. Fear and terror coursing through his whole body as he gazed at the woman who was promising him unimaginable pain with just a glare; a glare that made his body lock and a bone-rattling fear to find his heart and squeeze.

“A-Niang?” The woman spat, taking a step toward him and looking like she was so close to taking anything that was put in front of her to bash him on the head with it. “A-Niang?!” She screeched, looking so incensed and angry, that it was a miracle that she didn’t attack him at this exact moment and end everything once and for all by getting rid of the stain on her pristine reputation. “After everything you did, you useless wretch, you dared to call me ‘A-Niang’?!” The woman roared, taking the chair closest to her and throwing it at the wall, watching with fury as the chair made from Huanghuali wood broke into pieces, which further incensed the woman and made her turn to glare at him like he was something nasty found under her boots. “You dare, Yue Qi?!” The woman snarled, taking harsh breaths, looking like a dragon that had its hoard messed with and stolen; further sending the woman into madness and rage unseen before.

“I-it’s n-not me! I s-swear! I-it’s…!” Yue Qi stuttered, trying to explain what happened to his mother and how it wasn’t his fault, but those assholes who had dared to conspire against him and ruin him to get him kicked out of from under Lord Xian’s tutelage and take over his position as the future Qiong Ding Lord.

Yue Qi tried to explain; to tell his mother about Shang Qinghua, Liu Qingge, and Yan Meng, all of them had conspired against him since the start. He tried to explain how Shang Qinghua had sat him up during that meeting months ago and used Shen Jiu to kick him from his position so that Yan Meng would take over. He tried to explain everything and how Liu Qingge (A nobody brute who appeared out of nowhere years ago and thought he could get what he wanted and reached new heights just because of the martial powers he displayed; uncaring about how to conduct himself properly and the problems he caused daily, by his disrespect and brutish nature) sat him up and tried to destroy his reputation and undermine his authority day and night until he conspired with the other three and destroyed Yue Qi’s stand.

Yue Qi tried to explain, to tell his mother about Shen Jiu, whom Yue Qi had proposed to in the hope of saving his reputation and standing under the Qiong Ding Lord, hoping that Shen Jiu wouldn’t forsake him like how everyone had done by choosing Yan Meng as the next Qiong Ding Lord and throwing Yue Qi to the wolves. Shen Jiu, who betrayed him like everyone else did and never told him the truth about his situation with the Shen family and about being a Sworn Brother to Su Xiyan. Shen Jiu, who should feel glad that someone out there had dared to propose to that good-for-nothing disfigured brat, who would spend the rest of his life hated and unwanted because no one would want that face hidden under the veil and the nasty personality attached to him like a second skin.

Days … Yue Qi could only choke in pain and horror as he remembered what happened days ago when they returned to the capital, hoping to be able to change Lord Xian’s mind and make him give him another chance to get better… Do better! … He hoped that it wasn’t too late and that Yue Qi still had a chance even if it meant he would be another Disciple under Lord Xian and that he would have to restart everything from scratch if he wanted his position as the Qiong Ding Head Disciple and later Lord to remain intact.

Days … that was how long had passed since Yue Qi felt all of his hopes draining when they arrived at the headquarters and were met with the Emperor's personal guards, only to be told by the Lords about the conspiracy that was taking place and that everyone was under investigation until proven innocent. To Yue Qi’s horror, he was pulled away by the guards with a few others and was locked in his room, awaiting his punishment for participating in the conspiracy; no matter how much Yue Qi pleaded and tried to explain and tell anyone who heard that he doesn’t know anything and he was sat up. No one believed him and continued to ignore him, even as he banged at the door until his hands bled and his voice became hoarse.

Days … that was how long since Lord Xian came into his room, ignoring his pleas as he told him that he was getting a dishonorable discharge with the rest of the Disciples that have been found guilty; breaking Yue Qi’s mind into pieces as he tried to understand and make sense of what the hell has happened and why it was happening to him of all the people when he did nothing wrong and was sat up by those assholes who wanted his blood since the start.

Days … before he was back where he had started, cowering in his room and trying to reason with his mother and make her understand that Yue Qi wasn’t the one wrong here; that he tried all he could to elevate his Clan’s name and stand. That the ones at fault were those assholes who wanted him kicked out or dead, and that Yue Qi had done everything he could have done to ensure he reached the position he was in now… that Yue Qi, did more than his brothers and sisters could ever dream and achieved before they decided to be stupid and leave the Clan one by one because they couldn’t handle the pressure of living with the Yue Clan.

Days… And Yue Qi was losing it!

“Do I look like I care?!” His mother snarled, looking so incensed the longer Yue Qi blabbered and talked and tried to defend himself; picking up another heavy object and throwing it at Yue Qi’s head, growling when Yue Qi managed to avoid the object and duck away, which further made his mother angry. “Do I look like I give a fuck?!” Yue Lin shouted, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself down when her Qi started crackling dangerously signaling the approach of a fierce Qi Deviation if not careful. “A dishonorable wretch! You return back as a dishonorable wretch who was black-listed by everyone in the Empire! Do you know what this would reflect on the Yue Clan? On me?!” The woman roared, taking another step forward and ignoring Yue Qi who was scrambling away, terror running through him with every step his mother took toward him. “Was this what you promised, Yue Qi?! Was this how you intended to spread the Yue’s name and influence? By making us the laughing stock of every waging tongue?!” Yue Lin let out a screech and punched the table closest to her, breaking it into tiny pieces and allowing everything on that table to crash and break. “To make things worse I couldn’t demand a favor from the Emperor because I used my favor to secure you a good marriage that would have elevated our Clan’s name and position, thinking that your words were true and that come the end of the war you will gain the position of the Qiong Ding’s Successor and that wretch bitch you were going to marry would be the Qing Jing’s Successor!” That made Yue Lin’s face turn redder if this was even possible, and her Qi crackled dangerously, sending with it pain and destruction that made Yue Qi’s heart all but stop. “A marriage that wasn’t completely signed and secured before this blunder, so now you are fucked!” Another scream was let out, and Qi powered punch to one of the pillars beside his mother, breaking the woods into pieces and destroying one of the supporting structures to his room. “Nothing but a disappointment! All of you! Every fucking one of you! Nothing but disappointment!” Yue Ling screeched, looking so enraged and angry, it was a miracle she didn’t Qi Deviate then and there.

Yue Qi, on the other hand, could only flinch, feeling anger and hate coursing through his heart at the thought of the thing he was forced to do, just because those assholes had sat him up. Every time Yue Qi was forced to remember Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge, his blood would boil and loath would ooze from him in waves at the thought of being played by those two, and Shen Jiu? The less said about that backstabbing whore the better! To think that Yue Qi wasted his time on a nobody bitch and offered friendship and companionship to one undeserving, only to end in this dilemma! If Yue Qi could… no, if that wretch Shen Jiu didn’t have the protection of the Qing Jing Lord and later the Qiong Ding Lord, then Yue Qi would have taught him how he dealt with backstabbers and schemers and ended this farce once and for all!

Yue Qi was left alone in this mess, and Shen Jiu refused to apologize for forsaking him or offered to help him fix this blunder that was going to destroy everything he had worked up for, ever since he was young, trying to get on his mother’s good grace, and hoping that his father would one day look at him with a look that wasn’t disappointment or indifference that made his blood boil! To make things worse… to make things worse! …Shen Jiu knew all about this, he knew about this and allowed everything to happen even when he did!

That’s what happens when you open your home to dishonorable whores who spent all of their time in brothels and scheme people’s downfall … Yue Qi could only think bitterly, feeling anger and humiliation like no other as he was forced to find his way out of this mess that Shen Jiu had thrown him into. Show you what kind of friend he was after throwing four years of friendship for the five minutes of fame he managed to scurry because he was able to think of something and flounder his way with a half-assed plan. The only reason it worked was that the Qing Jing Lord fed him information and that monster Liu Qingge had the power to make it happen, other than that, Shen Jiu would have long been dead and buried because of his mistakes.

If only… if only … Yue Qi could only ponder before he swallowed and shook his head, not wanting to think about the what-ifs that all but destroyed him from the inside out after Shen Jiu’s lies and schemes. “T-the… the m-marriage will g-go t-through…” Yue Qi managed to choke out after his mother finally tired herself and sat on the chair in the far corner of the room, huffing and buffing and sending Yue Qi a harsh glare while spitting curses and threats as she told him she would sell him as a husband to the highest bidder (A thought that made him shiver in terror and fear, but he soldier on, knowing that his mother would never dare to do something like this; not after all of her sons and daughters had left home and changed their names and cut their ties with the Yue Clan, leaving the Clan without a suitable heir to carry its name before Yue Qi arrived).

“Hah?! Go through? You must have lost your last brain cells along the way, boy!” Yue Lin’s anger was once more ignited, as she glared and sent Yue Qi a hateful look that promised heavy retribution for such foolish words. “You think anyone would ever want you now? After what you did?! A Lord or a husband; no one would ever want something like you ever again after the blunder you just pulled!” Yue Qi bit his tongue hearing these words coming from his mother. “Hah! Do you think that bitch Tang Rong would allow you to marry her precious bastard? That whore who held her nose so high and looked down on anyone even those related to the Emperor, and the only reason I managed to make them show up to this negotiation and consider was because, I pulled many favors, thinking that wretch brats like you would end up as the future successors? Are you so fucking delusional you don’t understand the situation you are in now?!” Yue Lin hissed, getting worked up once more as she advanced on Yue Qi who was shaking in the corner. “Tell me? Who would lower themselves to marry a stain on his Clan’s honor who was black-listed by everyone? No one! No one, not even the slaves on the street wouldn't look your way!” Yue Qi gritted his teeth, trying not to allow the pain and humiliation to consume him as his mother looked at him like he was something foul found under her shoes.

“He will marry me because he gave his innocence to me!” Yue Qi snapped, not being able to hold it in anymore; allowing his anger and resentment to cloud his judgment to the point of shouting at his mother, something that made terror seize him when he realized the mistake he had made and the retribution he would suffer for daring to raise his voice.

Silence reigned over the room, and Yue Qi could only shake in his place, feeling like a prey ready to be slaughtered as his mother gazed at him long and hard with a look that not even Yue Qi knew how to decipher. “Explain.” That was the only thing his mother asked, after what felt like hours had passed and Yue Qi stood shaking in the corner. Hearing his mother’s orders, Yue Qi could only give a stuttered explanation; his heart in his throat as he told her about the night Shen Yuan came to him and how they slept together, and Shen Yuan promised him marriage. Throughout the whole explanation, his mother’s face remained emotionless like stone, only a raised eyebrow indicated that she thought him a liar, but was holding back from acting out because this could mean Yue Qi’s salvation and the only way to save the Yue Clan’s face. “Look like you are not completely useless after all.” His mother sneered after Yue Qi finished recounting his tale; his mother was looking at him with amusement, shining in her eyes, and something crawled under Yue Qi’s skin the longer he was subjected to this look. “I am going to talk with the Shen Patriarch about your marriage, even force him to test his son to prove your words… pray what you told me is true, because if not…” His mother let her words hang in the air before she turned around and left the room, ignoring Yue Qi who all but slumped in relief, almost letting out a sob at the thought of managing to save his hide from being punished or worse.

A noise in front of him made Yue Qi raise his head to see his father leaning on the door to his room; throwing and catching a pear with a look that was hard to decipher. “A… A-Die…” Yue Qi’s voice cracked as he gazed at his father; not knowing what the man was thinking, but was dreading it all together, because this was Yue Jiang.

Yue Jiang let out a sigh that made Yue Qi’s heart drop; knowing what his father was planning to say before he even said it just by this sigh alone. “Every time I think you couldn't reach lower than you already did, you continue to surprise me.” Yue Jiang drawled out, gazing at the pear in his hand with an undeciphered look, letting out another sigh when Yue Qi called out to his father and started stuttering. “You are going to turn that boy’s life into hell.” Yue Jiang glanced at Yue Qi before letting out a hum, a mocking look crossing over his father’s face before he left, but not before throwing. “Like mother, like son.” Leaving Yue Qi shaking in his room, gazing at the vacant place that his father stood in not a few moments ago.

“Fuck!” Yue Qi cursed, growling and glaring at the door hatefully before he turned and picked the closest thing to him and threw it at the wall, watching how everything broke into tiny pieces; he glared at the broken ceramic with hate as if ordering it to return to what it was once more, whole and complete. “Fuck…” Yue Qi slumped to the floor, feeling so angry, drained, and helpless after what happened, wanting all of this nightmare to be over.

If only back then, I knew what I knew now … Yue Qi could only ponder, anger in his heart, and helplessness had taken over his life and a gloomy cloud had situated over his head, refused to leave, and decided to rain hell on him for shit and giggles. Just the thought of being played all these months to the point of causing his downfall by adding him into a conspiracy that he didn’t have a hand in, made his fury reignited once more, and hate and anger took hold of his heart.

It was all Shang Qinghua’s fault! …Yue Qi could only feel incensed… It was that rat’s fault! Him, and that monstrous brute… Yue Qi growled thinking about Liu Qingge and how they had shoved their noses in his perfect life and destroyed it!

…If only that traitor didn’t betray him… Here, Yue Qi’s blood boiled just being forced to remember Shen Jiu; feeling rage so strong it was a miracle that he didn’t take Xuan Su before going on a search to find that bastard and skew him! That bastard who betrayed Yue Qi by siding with his enemies to destroy his future and everything he worked hard for! “I will show him…” Yue Qi muttered to himself, clutching his hands tightly… yeah… it was Shen Jiu’s fault from start to finish; it was all Shen Jiu’s fault from start to finish!

Yue Qi should have listened to Shen Yuan… he should have listened to Shen Yuan, years ago when he told him that his cousin was nothing but a viper waiting to strike. But Yue Qi was an idiot, he didn’t listen, he had thought that Shen Jiu was nothing but a poor disfigured man who needed a friend… and Yue Qi was willing to be that friend, he was!

So, what if Shen Jiu helped him with the paperwork or his task from time to time? So, what if Yue Qi gave him additional work or asked him to help formulate plans or solve the problems Xian Anxiu tested him with occasionally? So what?! Shen Jiu was from the Qing Jing division, this was his job, he was bound to help Yue Qi reach fame and stand beside him and that was that; just like how Lord Shen helped Lord Xian reach where he was, what Yue Qi did was nothing wrong, was expected from someone in his position!

For Shen Jiu, to twist the story completely until he turned it into a conspiracy just to throw Yue Qi to the wolves; showed you the kind of nasty and twisted personality Shen Jiu was born with, and how there was no goodness within his blackened heart to the point it was absurd hoping for him to change… truly, this was the fates of orphans who had no parents to raise them and teach them well.

Yue Qi could only seethe and growl feeling so angry and hateful, just by remembering that snake that destroyed his life and turned it into a living hell… truly, Xiao Yuan was right since the start when he pulled him away years ago and told him to keep his distance from that snake who wanted him harm and pain… Yue Qi should have listened to his childhood friend… after all, from what little he could remember about his childhood friend…

Xiao Yuan was always right …)…

Shen Jiu wondered if he was dead or asleep… He could only gaze at the beautiful garden in a daze; wondering if he was dreaming because this couldn’t be true… It couldn’t be real; it was too beautiful to be real! …Shen Jiu could only blink, gazing at the pond with dazed eyes, wondering if what had happened for the past weeks was true because so far, everything around him had felt like a dream or a fantasy out of his world (A dream he had never dared to entertain in the fear of poisoning every aspect of it with his wretched self. Any moment now, he was thinking that he was going to wake up from this beautiful dream only to discover that he was back in the Yue estate, or worse)…

It never felt real before… it never felt real when his Shizun had told him about the adoption, and certainly, it didn’t feel real when Lord Xian had given him the jade token and told him he was a family now. It all felt like a dream; every step of the way, from the moment Shen Anwei told him he was his son, to the moment Lord Xian told him to call them both ‘A-Die’ and ‘Baba’ nor when they told him that he was their son now and brought him home.

It never felt real before… not really, no. Part of Shen Jiu had always thought that after the invasion and Jinlan, he and his Shizun would go on their separate ways; Shen Jiu would go on his path of vengeance, and his Shizun safe and sound would return back home with his husband, to live his life peacefully. Shen Jiu never dared to entertain (Even back then in his first life) the thought of keeping in touch with his Shizun after this mess of war was over; planning, even if he didn’t know it at that time, to leave after succeeding in his revenge. Part of him wanted to travel and see the world he was forbidden from seeing and experiencing life as how he wanted and dreamed of when he was nothing but a child in his parent’s loving embrace.

It never felt real before… Shen Jiu was even planning on leaving the Qing Jing Successor position, citing to himself that someone as self-centered and hellbent on revenge, couldn’t be a good Lord when needed to be or be partial in his judgment, not after what he had suffered for years and years under Yue Qi’s thumb, and Shen Yuan’s madness. Shen Jiu was planning on leaving everything behind while hoping foolishly, that his Shizun would send him a letter from time to time; if nothing else, then to tell him he was alright and that Shen Anwei and his husband were doing fine and that there was nothing to worry about.

It didn’t feel real before… until it did…

…And Shen Jiu was left reeling because he didn’t know what to feel or think anymore.

 It was that day when his Shizun came into his temporary lodge for that night; pulling him aside and telling him to pack because they were going home… Home… such a strange word but at the same time a familiar one; a word that Shen Jiu had only dreamed about after his parents died, and hoped it would happen after he married Yue Qi (…Only to get the disappointment of his life… and the home he hoped for, turned into his prison…). Home… a word when his Shizun said with that soft look on his face and his gentle smile, it broke Shen Jiu from the inside out (In the best ways… only in the best ways…).

It felt real and strange when his Shizun took him ‘Home’ (Gods above, it still felt foreign and strange every time he said that word), to the Xian Clan’s estate. It made Shen Jiu feel out of his depth when they arrived at the impressive and tastefully decorated mansion; part of him freaked out at the thought of breaking something and dirtying the pristine floor with his presence alone. Shen Jiu almost had a heart failure when his Shizun brought him toward what would be his room from now on (To discover later, that the room his Shizun gave him was in Shen Anwei’s own courtyard? It made him bow and stutter because this was a privilege only reserved for one's own children, not brats adopted from the street…. To later discover that his Shizun and Lord Xian shared the same room? That almost made him have heart failure when he woke up one morning and saw Lord Xian sleeping in his Shizun’s side of the mansion. It was not something that Shen Jiu had seen before nor something he was used to seeing -And now that he thought about it, he remembered that his deceased parents used to share a room- because the Lord of the house had his own courtyard on the left side of the mansion, while the wives and concubine shared the courtyards on the right, and the only reason for a wife/husband or a concubine to go to their Lord’s room was to share his bed -Or at least, that was what Shen Jiu had lived through and was taught by everyone around- before leaving the next morning).

It felt real when his Shizun had written his name on his family and Clan book, signaling to the world that from now on Shen Jiu was his son and heir; that anyone who stood in Shen Jiu’s way or tried to harm him would be punished by both the Xian, and the Shen Clan for daring to go against both families. It felt real when Shen Anwei hugged him tightly and told him that from now on, he was a family, that he shouldn’t feel shy or scared anymore, and that it was alright for Shen Jiu to relax and live his life. To let go of the past, to live as he always wanted, to act his age and show interest; to do anything he wanted or dared to dream about because he could…

It felt real… it felt strange…

Shen Jiu was still not used to this; still not used to the fact that he was truly free.

So, here Shen Jiu sat in a daze, but no less a pounding heart as he waited with Shen Anwei (Who for the past few days was pulling Shen Jiu’s cheeks gently and ordering him to call him ‘A-Die’, every time he called him Shizun by mistake) in the outer courtyard; waiting nervously to be introduced to Xian-Shibo’s nephews and niece (“Ah, so sorry, A-Jiu, only two of my nephews and my niece are coming; the eldest had an urging job to do with his Nainai, they won't come today.” Xian-Shibo had pouted when he said that this morning during breakfast, unaware of how Shen Jiu’s heart almost stopped at the thought of meeting the extended family of his Shibo without even knowing the man had them in the first place), feeling nervous and so out of place, wondering what the nephews in questions would do once they saw him, or if they would cause some trouble to Shen Jiu because of his situation, shitty reputation, and the fact that he was all but brought from the streets.

“They already adore you,” Shen Anwei suddenly said, his words caused Shen Jiu to snap from his nervous fidgeting and turn to his Shizun who was gazing at him with an amused smile hidden behind his fan. “You know them already; aren’t you on friendly terms with one of them?” Shen Jiu could only furrow his brows at that, confusion coloring his face at the thought of meeting Xian Anxiu’s extended family or even being friendly with one of them when he didn’t know the man even had them.

‘Shizun, I don’t…’ Before these words even managed to leave his mouth, Xian Anxiu’s laugh echoed through the courtyard, filled with joy and happiness as he exclaimed. “You brought Yanyan! My! So, big already!” Followed by the squealing and giggles of a baby, which made Shen Jiu freeze in his place like a deer in front of a predator; shaking nervously at the thought of meeting his Shibo’s extended family (…Again, whose idea was it that Shen Jiu was allowed to be adopted by Shen Anwei and Xian Anxiu?!). “Come now, Yanyan, meet your new favorite cousin!” Xian Anxiu cheered, his words summoning a grumble of annoyance from someone before……………

“Eh… Liu-Shidi?!” Shen Jiu squeaked, his eyes widening with shock and confusion when he saw Liu Qingge walking behind Xian Anxiu (Who was carrying a baby that was startingly similar to Liu-Shidi to the T!), and behind them walked Yan Meng, whom Shen Jiu had met only a few times in passing and nothing else (Eh? Eh? What’s going on here? What’s going on?! Why are the three of them walking… wait… wait a minute! Now that they all stood side by side Shen Jiu could see the resemblance… oh fuck!).

A snort from the side made Shen Jiu whirl and turn to his Shizun, who was looking away; hiding his smirk behind his fan, before he started whistling softly, going to Xian-Shibo before picking the baby from him and narrowing his eyes as he seemed to study the baby before giving a nod of approval. Unaware of the blush that Shen Jiu felt crawling all over his face when Liu Qingge sent him a shy smile followed by a wave; as for Yan Meng? The ass, looked at Liu Qingge and then Shen Jiu, before he smirked, amusement shining in his eyes…

…Fuck…

…(Shen Yuan… Shen Yuan didn’t know what the hell was going on…

“Are you mad?!” Tang Rong screeched, picking up a vase and throwing it at Shen Feng’s head; his father on the other hand, didn’t flinch or do anything other than sidestep the vase, uncaring about the ceramic breaking and sending sharp pieces all over the ground. “After everything happened, after that piece of shit was kicked out of the military dishonored; after he was black-listed and made the talk of the Empire for being a dishonorable wretch. You still intended to give him our son as a husband?” Tang Rong roared, her words made Shen Feng raise his eyebrow in disinterest, watching as the woman huffed and buffed and screamed until her throat was hoarse.

Shen Yuan, on the other hand, was left shaking gazing at his father and then mother with confusion and terror; the feeling of foreboding had taken hold of his heart and throat and was squeezing him tight, to the point that Shen Yuan almost thought he would pass out then and there. His mind was too overwhelmed, and he didn’t even know what the hell was going on, feeling lost, confused, and terrified as the sense of doom tightened the noose around his neck.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! … That was the only thing that blared in his head; his heart was stuck in his throat, and Shen Yuan almost thought he would end up vomiting it out because of the sheer terror and fear at the dark fate awaiting him, just because he allowed his anger to blind him and rushed through things blind… That bastard! It was all his fault! …Shen Yuan seethed, clutching his hands tightly to the point of having his nail breaking through the skin and drawing blood.

How stupid was Shen Yuan? How stupid was he to ruin his own life by listening to that bastard? How stupid was Shen Yuan to believe Shen Jiu, when he himself had warned people day and night not to believe anything that left Shen Jiu’s mouth because he was a scummy liar? How stupid was Shen Yuan to throw himself to the wolves just because he was scared?! How stupid was he?!

Shen Yuan could only feel his heart seizing in his chest in terror at the thought of being stupid to the point of throwing himself into this mess. Foolish, to the point of allowing his fear and terror of Shen Anwei and Xian Anxiu to cloud his judgment and stop him from investigating and researching before doing something stupid. Something stupid to the point of giving himself to that useless Yue Qi, who would no doubt use him to get out of the mess, he was in… how dare Shen Yuan throw himself into this mess just because he decided to believe that snake in the grass during his moment of weakness?!

Days… days! …That was how long Shen Yuan suffered and continued to suffer because of that son of whore who destroyed his life completely. From his stand to his reputation to his relationships… his innocence! …And lastly, his family. Everything Shen Yuan worked so hard for… everything… was destroyed.

Shen Yuan could only feel a lump in his throat as his father continued to gaze at his mother with indifferent eyes; eyes that glanced at him for a second before his father’s face was scrunched in disgust and he turned his sight away, making Shen Yuan’s heart drop to the floor in a broken heap… it was all Shen Jiu’s fault… Shen Yuan could only choke, feeling tears of anger and humiliation sting his eyes.

Days ... maybe weeks? …Shen Yuan didn’t know anymore and couldn’t be sure as everything was only the haze of terror and agony for the past weeks; after the pain and humiliation he had suffered to the point of almost losing his mind, Shen Yuan felt like everything was only a hazy blur ever since that day at the celebration banquet where Shen Yuan’s life and reputation was destroyed in one falling swoop because of that son of whore, his mother always warned him about.

Days … weeks maybe? …Shen Yuan had long since lost his connection to reality ever since he allowed that Scum Villain into his head, and believed his words, just because he was foolish enough to believe that Shen Jiu’s loyalty to him would remain deeply integrated into his being it wouldn’t change no matter what, even after threatening to leave the Shen family. Shen Yuan was so assured that Shen Jiu would always remain loyal to him, that he would never lie or think about it; not when he had told Shen Yuan everything from start to finish, ever since they were young. Trained by both Shen Yuan and his mother to never ever lie to them or hide anything from them, with punishments (From his mother) and reassurance and rewards (From Shen Yuan) trained Shen Jiu as well as a dog trained by its Master.

Days … or maybe it was weeks? …Since that dark and stupid day when Shen Yuan allowed Shen Jiu’s dark words to poison his mind and cloud his judgment to the point of sleeping with Yue Qi and giving his innocence to that dishonorable wretch. All without really understanding what was going on and being blind to what happened to that asshole because his terror of Shen Anwei and that Demon’s retribution, made him blind to everything around him, to the point he spent his time away from everyone in the military fearing for his life and the suffering he would undergo if Shen Anwei even caught a glimpse of him.

Days … that felt like weeks… that was how long since Shen Yuan discovered how he had fucked up; Shen Yuan felt nothing but loath, disgust, and a touch mad when he left Yue Qi’s room the next morning and accidentally crossed the path of a few Qiong Ding division girls while he was sneaking around, feeling his world shatter into million pieces as he heard them discussing Yue Qi’s fate and the rest of the Disciples who were caught and would be dishonorably discharged. Words, that when Shen Yuan heard and the implication that was said, brought nothing but horror as he felt ice in his veins and what he did finally caught up to him in the worse possible ways… and when he saw that Scum Villain when he went searching for him laughing and smiling with his pack of backstabbers and liars; Shen Yuan knew that disgusting waste of a human being sat him up and was laughing at his plight.

Days … That was how long it had been since Shen Yuan returned to his home, with his head lowered in shame and mortification; feeling so horrified and terrified he raised his eyes and saw his mother gazing at him with expected eyes. Her eyes were colored by horror and madness when Shen Yuan forced himself to tell her that he was driven away from the military by Shen Jiu who destroyed his reputation and later threatened him with Lord Shen and the retribution of being involved in a conspiracy if he stayed any minute longer…

To make things worse, that horrible human being didn’t even come with him to the Shen estate, instead, Lord Shen found him the night before and threw a Qiankun Pouch at Shen Yuan’s face (A horrible man, a really mannerless man, who Shen Yuan should have got rid of, just like how his mother continued to tell him over and over again!). Shen Anwei, the asshole who gazed at him like he was something foul under his boot before telling Shen Yuan that this pouch was the last of Shen Jiu’s debts; glaring at Shen Yuan and threatening him with involving the Emperor if the Shen family ever dared to come after Shen Jiu and demand anything from him…. and when Shen Yuan tried to defend himself, that asshole leaned down and whispered.

“This, or I will expose your night with Yue Qi to everyone in the Empire. Show them the kind of depravity you will fall to when given the chance. I will ruin you, Shen Yuan; I will ruin you and take everything you hold dear to your heart until in the end, you will beg me for merciful death, and when you do? I will laugh and laugh, and leave you to live the rest of your pathetic life in misery. This is your last warning, Shen Yuan, and this courtesy is only granted because Shen Jiu begged me to spear you; if you come near my son again… You only have yourself to blame.”

Words that brought with it wave after wave of nightmares until Shen Yuan thought he would end up going crazy and lose it then and there. Words that when Shen Yuan finally made sense of, only terror could be felt as he realized the mistake he had made when Shen Yuan allowed Shen Jiu freedom and didn’t get rid of him or Shen Anwei from the start; all because he was an idiot, thinking that he had all the time in the world and that the war would claim one or the other, and if it didn’t? Then the poison, Shen Yuan managed to acquire from Qian Cao’s Disciples who owned him a favor would do the rest. Words that when his mother heard, she lost herself, and for the first time in his life; Shen Yuan felt the sting of pain as his mother raised her hand to strike him across the face… it was all Shen Jiu’s fault…

“…Dare you?! It’s because I was the mother, isn’t it? It’s because Shen Yuan is not Sanren’s child, isn’t it?!” His mother shrieked, picking up a book and throwing it at Shen Feng’s head, to which, his father’s only reaction was an eye roll and side-stepping the book; ignoring his mother who shouted and cursed and said everything nasty under the sun.

“It’s not about Sanren nor Shen Jiu; it’s about your son being a fool like you and losing his innocence to Lady Yue’s dishonored son!” That shut his mother up, causing her to open and close her mouth repeatedly; confusion and something else shone in his mother’s eyes before she turned to Shen Yuan, a confusion that left her eyes for denial and horror when she saw how pale and terrified Shen Yuan was.

“W-what? No… no! Yuan-er will never do something like this! He would never do something like this! It must have been that wretch Shen Jiu who orchestrated this! That must be it because my Yuan-er would never do something like this!” His mother screeched, looking so hysteric and a touch mad as she turned her gaze to Shen Feng who was giving Shen Yuan a blank look that made the fine hair on his body stand on its ends.

“It was certainly not Shen Jiu who was caught in Yue Qi’s bed by Lord Xian.” Shen Feng drawled out, an amused smile twitching over his face when his mother stumbled around and fell to the ground, looking so shocked and horrified; Shen Yuan on the other hand could only wonder how Lord Xian knew about this when Shen Yuan locked the doors and no one was there that night?! “Lord Xian agreed to keep things quiet and not disclose any of this with the condition of the Shen family staying far away from Shen Jiu in the future and not interacting with him… a fair enough trade I supposed, if it meant keeping this shame from causing us any more face.” Shen Feng’s lips twisted into a nasty smile, his eyes were as cold as ice when he gazed at Shen Yuan with contempt and something else that not Shen Yuan managed to decipher. “Now if only, this news didn’t reach the Yue Matriarch who seized the chance and forced my hand to follow our initial agreement or subject your foolish son to undergo testing in front of everyone to prove their story if we refused.” Shen Feng sighed, raising his hand to swipe his graying hair back, his gaze returning to Tang Rong who was opening and closing her mother, looking so pale like she was going to be sick any moment now.

“I… n-n-no… I… s-something… t-there must be s-something… I… I…” Tang Rong choked, looking at Shen Feng and then at Shen Yuan, horror coloring her face which had a sick hue to it. Shen Yuan, on the other hand, could only shake in his place, the realization of the type of Calamity that had fallen on his head; finally slapped him in the face, and Shen Yuan could only sway.

“There is nothing you could do, that would change the outcome or the fact that your son was stupid enough to go against Zihao's son and think he would survive unscathed.” Shen Feng rolled his eyes once more, letting out an annoyed sigh before looking at the ceiling with pursed lips. “Really… so annoying… Gods above, I should have divorced you years ago and returned you to your parents with your brat in tow; at least then I wouldn’t be left cleaning after the mess you and your brat created… again.” With that, Shen Feng left the room, ignoring Tang Rong who screamed her throat bloody and slapped the floor with her hands.

Shen Yuan could feel the power leaving his legs and he slid down until he was on the ground; the tears that had clouded his eyes since the start, slid down his face and he could only grit his teeth in anger and humiliation as his father’s words replayed in his mind over and over again… Shen Yuan could only seethe, feeling played with and made fun of by that bastard who should have died years ago with his parents just like the dogs they were…

It was all Shen Jiu’s fault …)…

“Isn’t she cute?” Xian Anxiu cooed, putting the baby (Mingyan, Shen Jiu learned her name) in Shen Jiu’s arms, ignoring how Shen Jiu sputtered and tried to plea with his Shizun or Xian Anxiu to come back and pick up the baby because Shen Jiu doesn’t do babies! Babies hate him, and always scream when they see him, so putting a baby in his arms was a recipe for a disaster waiting to happen (Shen Jiu tried to ignore how his heart skipped a few beats, how he all but melted in his place as the baby cooed and took a grip of his finger. Shen Jiu tried to ignore the pangs of longing as he gazed at the child in his arms and wondered what his life would have been back then if he had a child as he had always wished for) either the baby would scream their head in terror, or they would try and pull his veil off his face, and turning Shen Jiu’s messy appearance into an ever-bigger mess. “My favorite niece in the whole wide world!” Xian Anxiu puffed his chest happily, looking so proud and over the moon.

“Your only niece, you mean.” Yan Meng rolled his eyes, an amused smile on his face as he looked at Xian Anxiu who waved his words with ‘Technicalities!’, before glancing at Liu Qingge, his grin widening and he raised an eyebrow, which resulted in getting kicked under the table if the hiss and glare sent toward Liu Qingge was an indication (Yan Meng, this was the first time, in Shen Jiu’s life that he had a conversation with the man, that wasn’t urgent letters and orders from their respective Masters, or Shen Jiu dropping off or receiving reports. This was the first time he learned about Yan Meng’s personal life or how acted outside of their tense environment, that wasn’t gossip or from Shang Qinghua or Yu An, whom Shen Jiu had kept in contact with because he still worried about his Shidi and the thought of his Shidi forsaking everything for his marriage with Yan Meng, like Shen Jiu once did. So far, from what Shen Jiu had seen, Yan Meng seemed to be an upstanding and honorable man, with a mild temper and infinite patience -So different from the severe way he held himself when they were on duty- and a teasing streak that could go on miles when given the chance. If Shen Jiu didn’t know any better, he would have been happy and proud of Yu An for accepting this man as his husband, but even then, Shen Jiu couldn’t help but doubt, refused to trust easily, even when his Shizun and Xian-Shibo vouched for Yan Meng’s character and told him otherwise).

“Now, now, little brute, what did we say about manners?” Shen Anwei chided, bonking Liu Qingge on the head softly with his closed fan, ignoring the way Liu Qingge scrunched his face, before flushing red and glaring at his cousin and Jiujiu when the two of them snickered and gave one another a knowing look.

A pout dominated Liu Qingge’s face before he scrunched his nose and said sweetly. “Sorry, Jiuma, won’t happen again.” To which Shen Anwei all but spat his tea and glared harshly at Liu Qingge who called him ‘Aunty’ instead of ‘Shushu’ to which, Xian Anxiu laughed loudly, looking like he was having the time of his life (So… strange… not only was it to see this side of his Shidi -Everyone around him really- but also to know that his Shidi was related to Xian Anxiu -Also related to the imperial family in a way- when Shen Jiu previously, he, just like everyone else, thought Liu Qingge’s family were normal folks -One of the reasons why it used to anger Shen Jiu back then, when Liu Qingge would always raise his nose and act Holier-Than-You around Shen Jiu when the two of them were from the same background. Thinking about it now, Shen Jiu finally realized that it was Shen Yuan and Yue Qi’s influence as they poisoned every interaction, he had with anyone out there until he started doubting everyone around him- because Shen Jiu knew that no other prominent Clan within the capital held in their name the same characters for ‘Liu’ that were found in his Shidi’s name).

“Liu-Shidi!” Shen Jiu could only chide softly, an automatic reaction that Shen Jiu couldn’t help but let out… to feel mortification when everyone turned toward him, an amused look on their faces that got bigger when Liu Qingge ducked his head in embarrassment. Shen Jiu’s only reason for not bolting right away and hiding in his room was the baby in his arms who was cooing and babbling while playing with his veil, uncaring about the adults around her.

“Ayah! Why so formal, A-Jiu?” Xian Anxiu teased, ruffling Shen Jiu’s hair, and calling him by the endearment Shizun always called him by. “These are your Tangge, Tangdi, and Tangmei; so, drop the Shidi and Shixiong when we are home.” Shen Jiu choked up, feeling too many emotions warring inside of his body that he could only duck his head down and nod his head, looking at the baby in his arms; wondering if it was right to call the people sitting around him on the table with such familiarity when they weren’t sharing the same blood and he had forced himself into their family at his age (…Completely ignoring the fact that one of the said people, Xian Anxiu told him to call a ‘Cousin’, had been in love with him for years and was trying to court him, and from the shy and nervous looks Liu Qingge sent Shen Jiu, his Shidi was still interested in him that way). “Ah! By the way, A-Yu. A-Chen never told me why he couldn’t make it today, do you know why?” Hearing the strange name, Shen Jiu blinked in surprise and confusion, wondering who was ‘A-Yu’… to his surprise, it was Liu Qingge who answered.

“…Fuqin and Muqin decided to do a surprise visit…” Hearing his Shidi answer, Shen Jiu could only blink in surprise, his jaw dropped a bit at the realization that ‘Yu’ must have been a character in his Shidi’s real name, so all this time Shen Jiu called him by the name ‘Qingge’ it seemed he was calling him out by his courtesy name (Which was kind of baffling, because since when did Bai-Shishu give Liu Qingge a courtesy name without anyone knowing about it? Or was it like Yue Qi’s case where his parents gave him his courtesy name that started with ‘Qing’ because they wanted to be the ones giving him his courtesy name and didn’t want to count on the Lords who would take a long time and make their Disciples go through rough trials before giving them their names like Qi Qingqi and the rest; from what Shen Jiu heard, the Disciples who carried the name ‘Qing’, were all but driven mad with the harsh trials given to them before the Lords deemed them good enough for the generation’s name, -Shen Jiu who came four years ago, unlike most of the successors who had been around for seven years to God knows how long, didn’t even have his hopes up in receiving a courtesy name this early, not when Shen Jiu still have a long road ahead of him- and took them as successors). It was the subtle shift, and the fury on Liu Qingge’s face that snapped him out of his thoughts, and he couldn’t help but look around when he finally noticed how the joyful mood had all but vanished.

“Ah… I see…” Xian Anxiu shifted in his seat with an uncomfortable look on his face as he picked up his teacup and took a sip. “Did they by chance, tell you about the reason for this surprise visit? Is it related to the delayed banquet?” Here, Liu Qingge looked away, his arms crossed over his chest and his jaw clenched in anger before managing to force out ‘It doesn’t matter… and yes…’, which told everyone around that his Shidi was barely holding his anger in, and was a step away from snapping, words that made both Shen Anwei and Xian Anxiu frown and gaze at one another.

“Your courtyard is already aired out and cleaned.” Shen Anwei stated while sipping his tea. “No need to return back home until everything is settled; A-Meng could bring Mingyan and your belongings… you know what, knowing your grandmother, it wouldn’t be long before the people would come carrying them.” Here the atmosphere seemed to have lightened up somewhat, and Liu Qingge had a hopeful look in his eyes. “The rules are still the same as before… in addition, no flirting with A-Jiu, sneaking to his room in the middle of the night, or sleeping on the roof of his room, because if you do this, then I will end you.” Shen Jiu’s jaw dropped… his jaw dropped and his whole body flushed red with mortification as he gazed at his Shizun with a horrified look on his face as he started to stutter; a hysterical part of his mind wondered how long his Shizun knew about Liu Qingge’s crush on him (The more hysterical part was wondering if everyone around him knew about his Shidi’s crush but him apparently, because what the hell?! What he hell??!!!!!).

Shen Jiu’s mortification it seemed, didn’t hold a candle to Liu Qingge’s, as the man paled and his jaw dropped before he sprinted from his seat with a shriek, stuttering and choking and looking at Xian Anxiu with horror (Xian Anxiu gave him an apologetic look mixed with amusement) to Yan Meng (Who slide down his chair and looked away, trying to pretend that he was invisible) to Shen Jiu (Who was grateful his veil hide his shocked face filled with embarrassment) before going back to Shen Anwei and squeaking in a voice that broke in the middle. “How could you?!” To which Shen Anwei snorted.

“Oh, come on, brat, with your stalking and following my A-Jiu everywhere he goes; everyone and their mothers knew about your crush, and have been asking us for years when would you make things official. Even A-Jiu as obvious as he is to things related to love and attraction directed toward him; managed to notice your crush.” Here, Liu Qingge’s eyes widened in horror before he turned to Shen Jiu and choked ‘You know?!’ to which Shen Jiu glanced at the baby in his arms, feeling trapped and embarrassed as he mumbled.

“Shang Qinghua accidentally let it slip… sorry?” To which Liu Qingge let out a noise like he was dying, his face flushing crimson red before turning tails and running inside the mansion; ignoring Yan Meng’s calls as he pleaded with his cousin to come back and talk and Xian Anxiu’s boisterous laugh. Shen Jiu could only flush red, pouncing the baby in his arms and trying not to glare at his Shizun who snorted with amusement…

Gods above… this was so embarrassing…

It was a week later that the invitation arrived…

Shen Jiu only knew about it because his Shizun had huffed and puffed that day, looking so incensed and angry as he glared at his tea; unaware of Shen Jiu who came to ask him about Liu Qingge’s whereabouts, and Su Xiyan’s letter that arrived (His Shidi had been a mess these past few days; stuttering and looking so embarrassed every time he saw Shen Jiu, and while it was endearing in a way, Shen Jiu could only feel grateful that his Shidi had given him space and didn’t demand answers to his proposal -If you could call it that, considering Shang Qinghua and his Shizun were the ones who spilled the rice- or persisted in following through with it. That day though, Shen Jiu received a letter from Su Xiyan informing him she would arrive in a few days to the capital, and she wanted to have a get-together with him, Shang Qinghua, and Liu Qingge, so he really wanted to meet his Shidi and tell him about the invitation. She also wrote about wanting to take Shen Jiu to see her parents, Jiujiu, and Lord Lan who seemed to have been trying to get hold of Shen Anwei -And failing- so they would plan a get-together with their families for introduction, and considering the Emperor himself decided to postpone the victory banquet to deal with the conspiracy matters -And other urgent matters- this was the perfect time to introduce the Su and Lan Clan to Shen Jiu; so, Shen Jiu walked to tell his Shizun about it, which was the reason for his predicament now).

“They have some nerves!” Shen Jiu heard his Shizun hiss just around the corner, making him stop in his tracks and lean a little to see what was going on; he saw Xian Anxiu nod along to his husband’s words, pouncing Xiao Yan during Shen Anwei’s rant. “One thing and one thing only we demanded, and that was for them to fuck off and never contact us again, especially our A-Jiu; but what did they do?!” Shen Anwei growled, drinking his tea in one gulp before slamming his cup on the table. “They dare send me this shit and ask for our presence during the wedding and A-Jiu’s during the tea ceremony? Were they mad?!” Hearing this, Shen Jiu could only blink, tilting his head to hear things better, feeling a little guilt about eavesdropping; but knowing this was important for him to confirm. “As if I will allow my A-Jiu to come near those wretch brats, let alone go to their wedding!” Shen Jiu’s breath hitched, his hands were shaking and his heart was pounding inside his chest.

“I, too, was surprised by this, but well, the invitation was accompanied by a letter from Yue Lin; Gods above, the audacity of that woman to demand our presence as family friends almost made me go over and chew Xian Qin out, but I knew her hands are full with A-Chen and Lao Nainai so I dropped this matter for now… Gods… I still can't believe my stupid Meimei demanded A-Yu take Yue Qi as a Sworn Brother; no wonder A-Chen was incensed when I met him last time.” Here, Shen Jiu could only hold his gasp in, wondering who in the name of every loving God out there would be crazy enough to try and force his Shidi into a Sworn Brotherhood with Yue Qi of all people; especially, after the debacle Yue Qi was in the middle of.

“Hah! As if a Sworn Brotherhood would erase the fact that Yue Qi was kicked out of the military in dishonor and was black-listed…” Shen Anwei snorted, refilling his cup before sending Xian Anxiu a look before he said sarcastically. “Your sister really knows how to pick her friends.” To which Xian Anxiu let out a tired sigh, looking so annoyed.

“She is an idiot.” Xian Anxiu grumbled, looking so done. By then, Shen Jiu had retreated to his room, his quest of asking his Shizun about Xiyan’s offer and searching for his Shidi were forgotten as he tried to wrap his mind around everything he managed to learn in these few short minutes when he eavesdropped on his Shizun and his husband. His mind couldn’t help but run in circles trying to make sense of what he heard and the implication he every word made.

That night… Shen Jiu had a lot of things to think about…

“Shixiong?” It was night when Shen Jiu had finally left his room, going to the outer courtyard to sit in the gardens to mediate; his mind was in deep thought as he watched the pond with inspecting eyes, gazing at the koi swimming and splashing around as he pondered his next action. His Shidi saw him, and he called out, and Shen Jiu could only turn and gaze at the younger man, watching how his Shidi looked at him with concern before asking. “Are you alright?” So gently, Shen Jiu could only sigh.

“I am fine…” Shen Jiu offered after what felt like decades of silence between them; his lips pressed tightly into a thin line, as he continued to gaze at the pond, trying to think things through and wonder what was the next step he would take. Liu Qingge hummed when hearing this answer, and it wasn’t long before the younger man came and took a seat on the other side of Shen Jiu; he too, was gazing at the pond with an undeciphered look, seeming lost in thoughts. “Shidi… I did something crazy…” Shen Jiu admitted after a while of comforting silence that passed between the two of them.

“Did you, now? Was it the reason you went drinking that time?” His Shidi questioned, his voice having a teasing lilt to it that made Shen Jiu flush for a bit, but despite himself, an amused smile crossed over his face and he couldn’t help but raise his hand and flick Liu Qingge’s forehead, hard, in retaliation. 

“Don’t be a smartass.” Shen Jiu flicked his Shidi’s forehead again, just because, feeling his lips twitching up in an amused smile at the way Liu Qingge scrunched his nose, and an almost pout crossed over his face. “But to answer your question, yes.” Shen Jiu let out a sigh, his eyes returning to the pond. “…It’s finally here… the Grand Finale… and I really wanted to see…” To see Shen Yuan walking toward Yue Qi, wearing that veil and that bridal gown; to see those two, bowing to one another and accepting the other as a Lord and a Husband. To watch from the sideline as they proclaimed their false love for one another and lived the rest of their lives in misery, while Shen Jiu went on and enjoyed his quiet life in peace. Shen Jiu wanted to cheer for them, be there at their wedding, and clap like a happy bystander, as he finally shed the weight of the past and looked up to the future… Shen Jiu wanted to see his revenge through… even when part of him was curious about how strong the love that killed Shen Jiu that day cursed day, and how it would shine through… he wanted to see.

“…The Grand Finale…” Liu Qingge muttered before an amused smile crossed over his face and something akin to pleasure (And was this vindication Shen Jiu managed to spot?) shone in his eyes. “Shixiong… you already did something crazy to reach where you are now… what are you going to do next?” Liu Qingge tilted his head, waiting for his answer.

Shen Jiu smiled, and he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him before… “I am about to do something even crazier…” Which summoned a bark of laughter from Liu Qingge who looked so delighted and over the moon. “Liu-Shidi… I know this might seem presumptuous and a bit out of line after the revelation from Shang-Shidi and Shizun but…” Shen Jiu turned toward Liu Qingge, a smile twitched over his face when he saw how his Shidi’s face turned crimson and the boy looked so embarrassed. “…Can I… ‘Use’ you again?” Shen Jiu inquired softly.

Shen Jiu watched how Liu Qingge blinked, gazed at him with surprise, and something else before his eyes softened and a smile played on his lips. “Of course, whatever you want.” Shen Jiu allowed a choked laugh to leave him, whispering a soft ‘Thank you’ as he returned his gaze to the pond… finally… finally…

This cursed chapter of his life was about to end… soon…

…(“What? No!” Shen Anwei shouted his refusal to everyone who had ears, looking so incensed it was a miracle that he didn’t pull Shen Jiu by the ear and punish him with a timeout for daring to come to him and ask Shen Anwei to allow him to go to Shen Yuan and Yue Qi’s wedding.

Xian Anxiu, on the other hand, didn’t interfere, looking at Shen Jiu long and hard before turning his gaze to Liu Qingge who was standing beside Shen Jiu; both of them were getting the scolding of their lives by Shen Anwei, who looked like he was going to break his fan on top of their heads for daring to insist about wanting to go to that cursed wedding.

“Rulan.” Xian Anxiu gently called for his raging husband, which made the man whirl on him with anger in his eyes for daring to stop him from knocking some sense into these brats who almost gave him a heart attack by demanding they attend Yue Qi’s wedding. “Shouldn’t we ask them ‘Why’ before giving our verdict?” Xian Anxiu whispered in his husband’s ear, watching how the man clutched his fan tightly, looking so angry but managing to calm himself down and think rationally (God above, Xian Anxiu doesn’t blame him, he really doesn’t; not when he almost snapped at the same time his husband did and send those kids to their rooms for daring to think about such absurd notion as going to Yue Qi’s wedding, especially after what that brat had dared to do to A-Jiu).

“Fine, fine!” Shen Anwei hissed, opening and closing his fan, agitation coloring his face before he masked it and turned to Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge, who remained in their place and didn’t move an inch. “Why?” Shen Anwei inquired, narrowing his eyes in a way that told everyone he was watching every move and studying every twitch, and that if he didn’t like what he was going to see or hear, the scolding of a lifetime would follow.

“…My last act of filial piety…” Shen Jiu ended up saying that as he remembered a time that had long since passed when it was his wedding. “The one that would break the last debt my Fuqin owed Shen Feng…” He remembered back then, the large dowry Shen Feng prepared for him; the defeated look on the man’s tired face as he helped prepare the wedding, and the way he pulled him aside that one morning years ago to talk when they had never done so without Tang Rong losing her shit.

He remembered the Qiankun Pouch filled with precious stones and money, his uncle put in his hands, before looking at him long and hard before saying ‘Use it… when you feel that you have had enough’. Money, that remained untouched even after sixteen years of suffering and pain, and later his death; money, that Shen Jiu was going to return to their rightful owners and end this debt once and for all, before cutting all ties.

Shen Anwei remained silent, opening and closing his fan, before he let out a harsh sigh through his nose; his shoulders slumped before an almost pout crossed over the man’s face. “Fine… but this is the last time you are coming near the Shen family. No more debts and no more filial piety after this.” Shen Anwei hissed, his eyes narrowed and only managed to soften when Shen Jiu nodded in acceptance.

“You know… we never went around introducing Shen Jiu as our son.” Xian Anxiu hummed, a mischievous smile crossed over his lips that got bigger when Shen Anwei’s eyes widened a bit, and something akin to understanding and pleasure shone in his eyes. “…A-Yu too.” Here, Liu Qingge who remained silent throughout the whole encounter shifted, looking nervously at Xian Anxiu. “What better way to introduce them than a wedding?” Here, Shen Anwei couldn’t help the dark chuckle that escaped him before he tapped his closed fan against his lips.

“So, true… besides, people are not going to come to the wedding for the couple, so why not make it a spectacle?” Shen Jiu could only let out a choked noise when he saw both Shen Anwei and Xian Anxiu smiling evilly and giving Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu mischievous looks…

This made both Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge take a step back, and glance at one another nervously before they tried to book it away only to be caught by Shen Anwei and Xian Anxiu who were talking about the robes, Lady Meng, could make on such short notice…

Shen Jiu didn’t know if he was going to regret this or not…)

“Draw a painting, brat, it would last longer.” Shen Anwei huffed in amusement, his voice echoed through the carriage, followed by Liu Qingge’s squeak, as he sputtered something; his face was crimson red, and he sent a harsh glare toward his Shen Anwei that ordered him to shut up and stop embarrassing him more than he already did.

Shen Jiu, on the other hand, could only flush red, feeling so embarrassed and exposed; his heart was pounding in his chest as he clutched his hands tightly under his flowy sleeves. Shen Jiu couldn’t help but glance at his Shidi whose face got even redder (If that was possible) when Shen Jiu’s eyes met his.

“Oh, come on, Airen.” Xian Anxiu cooed, looking too delighted as he glanced between Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge with mischief. “You can hardly fault the boy, after all, this is his first time seeing his beloved’s eyes~” Xian Anxiu teased followed by Liu Qingge glaring at his uncle with a look that promised a painful death if he continued to embarrass him.

“Will you ever shut up?” Liu Qingge hissed, his voice cracking in the middle, and his face was crimson red as he demanded that Shen Anwei and Xian Anxiu shut it and stop trying to embarrass more than they already did in the past hour or so when they started throwing teasing remarks and jabs.

All because Liu Qingge shuttered the word ‘Pretty’ and almost tripped and all but fell face-first to the floor when Shen Jiu had dared to do something crazy (The craziest thing he had dared to do all of his life) and decided to wear a veil that only covered the lower half of his face leaving his eyes exposed to the world.

Shen Jiu could only fidget in embarrassment as the uncle and nephew started to bicker; Xian Anxiu had this wide grin on his face as he teased and teased Liu Qingge as if his life depended on it, while Liu Qingge’s turned so red, Shen Jiu wondered if the poor boy was going to faint any minute now from all the blood rushing to his head.

Shen Jiu did it… something even crazier… he meant. To discard his veil and go out where people would see his face. This was without competition, the craziest thing Shen Jiu ever dared to do in his life (And in the past, he was known for many things, crazy and hysterical was one of them). Something that took all of his courage to do, and he almost had heart failure in the middle of doing it because… just the mere thought of people seeing his disfigured face was enough to set Shen Jiu off, even if it was just half of it.

But he needed to see them with his own eyes…

He knew it was crazy, he knew it was unsightly; he knew that many people out there would feel no doubt disgust, or fear when seeing his face (Though, strangely his Shidi didn’t seem to care). But Shen Jiu wanted to see Shen Yuan’s walking toward Yue Qi without something obscuring and blurring the outline; without something that covered the outside world from his poisonous eyes… he wanted to see… because only then, would all of this be real and Shen Jiu would finally be free.

So, Shen Jiu had done the craziest thing he had done in all of his thirty-eight years of living and exposed part of his face to the outside world by wearing one of the veils his Shizun had provided (His Shizun, who always kept buying him different kinds of veil, in different colors and sizes; different cuts and style. Always pulling at Shen Jiu’s cheeks in punishment, when Shen Jiu continued to refuse to wear them; content with the thick white veil that covered his face and left nothing to be seen). His desire to see the Grand Finale that would set him free overcame any discomfort that Shen Jiu would have felt by doing this crazy act.

“…Says the one who proposed to the Shen-Shushu over twenty times and got rejected every single time!” Liu Qingge's angry hiss as he pointed at Xian Anxiu made the man sputter and flush red with both embarrassment and shock; his face getting redder when Shen Anwei snorted in amusement and fanned himself, and Shen Jiu let out a questioning noise while tilting his head.

“Now, now, stop it.” Shen Anwei snapped his fan shut and cut Xian Anxiu and Liu Qingge from starting another bickering session by pointing at the mansion. “We are here.” That made Xian Anxiu and Liu Qingge straighten in their seats; their faces became emotionless as they prepared to meet the people waiting for them on the other side of the carriage.

As for Shen Jiu, he could only freeze momentarily in place, his heart almost stopped in his chest as the sudden feeling of terror and fear all but consumed him when the familiar mansion got closer and closer. Even as Shen Jiu tried to take a deep and calming breath while distracting himself from the sight in front of him; he could only watch in mute horror as the place he used to call home once upon a time (His jail from the day of his wedding to the day he was killed in that same damn place; the place that brought nothing but suffering and nightmares that kept Shen Jiu up for years after years as he forced himself to continue on with his life in that damned mansion… his final tomb where Shen Jiu discovered how everyone had played him for the fool, and in the end, just when he wanted to stand for himself for once; he was killed and abandoned by his husband and cousin… the place that Shen Jiu despise with all of his being) got closer and closer to the point Shen Jiu wondered if he was shaking in his seat or the carriage, he was in was rocking too much to sit comfortably.

A harsh intake of breath sounded beside Shen Jiu, snapping him out of the spiral he had all but thrown himself in; turning to the person beside him, Shen Jiu could only furrow his eyebrows in confusion when he saw Liu Qingge, gazing at the mansion with an undeciphered look in his eyes, looking a few shades pale, as discomfort and anger flashed in his eyes before they disappeared. Unable to help stop himself, Shen Jiu tugged at his Shidi’s sleeve gently, snapping the man out of his intense staring, making him turn to Shen Jiu (Only then, did Liu Qingge finally relax, as for Shen Jiu, he hadn’t noticed how tense his Shidi was, until the tension had finally left his shoulders, and Liu Qingge offered him a small albeit a pained smile).

“Are you two ready?” Xian Anxiu questioned not pointing to Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge’s interaction just now, he just looked at the two of them with a serious look in his eyes that made both Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge straighten their back unconsciously and nod their heads. “Good… well then, just as we agreed, always stay together and near, don’t stray too far.” Xian Anxiu repeated his words for the umpteenth time, scrunching his nose when their carriage stopped. “And most importantly, never, under any circumstances come near Yue Lin without one of us with you; stay away from her as much as you can, and if she dared to corner you? Just leave and ignore all decorum, even if it means violence will be involved, we will handle everything else.” The Qiong Ding Lord warned and advised with a grave look, waiting until they nodded once more before he exited the carriage, offering his hand to Shen Anwei; something that his Shizun accepted readily.

Then Liu Qingge descended the steps and offered Shen Jiu his hand, looking so hopeful and a touch shy, making Shen Jiu feel guilty because if he accepted Liu Qingge’s hand this more than anything would probably give him false hope to continue his pursuit (And Shen Jiu didn’t want that, to give this boy any hope that they could be anything more when his Shidi could have an amazing life with someone worthy and strong, someone who was pure and didn’t suffer from the Heart Demons that kept Shen Jiu awake at night. Liu Qingge was related to Xian-Shibo and Shizun, he was related to them and was wearing robes with colors that indicated just how noble he was; this more than anything told everyone around that Liu Qingge was from a high stand in society and was one of the Clans related to the imperial family closely -If how dark his Shidi’s robes were anything to go by- His Shidi needed someone pure, kind, and with a good stand and reputation who wouldn’t drag him down… and having some feeling for scums like Shen Jiu, no matter what they were, would only drag his Shidi down).

It was the nervousness and the flush of embarrassment that colored his Shidi’s cheeks that made Shen Jiu sigh softly and take his hand, giving it a squeeze of reassurance, even when many emotions were warring against one another in Shen Jiu’s heart. “Are you ready, Shixiong?” Liu Qingge whispered as they got closer to the Yue estate, his words made Shen Jiu give a soft nod, before letting out a choked laugh…

He was ready…

(Shen Jiu with the Veil)

(Shen Jiu without the Veil)

…(Yue Qi almost spat a fountain of blood when he saw Liu Qingge enter his home; anger and loath oozed from every pore in his body. The sight of that disgusting wretch in his home (Poisoning the only place free from his influence), made Yue Qi all but ignore decorum and conduct and walk toward the asshole and punch him in the face repeatedly until he stopped moving.

 The only thing that kept Yue Qi in line and stopped him from going there and giving that asshole his overdue retribution, was the fact that Lord Shen and Lord Xian walked in front of Liu Qingge (Also someone was walking beside the brute; man? A woman? Yue Qi didn’t know; he could only furrow his brow and tilt his head to gaze at the person’s eyes; his heart skipped a few beats when those emerald green eyes fell on him… eyes that Yue Qi felt were familiar in a way; like he had seen them somewhere… but this was absurd because obviously, the person in front of him was a foreigner from another land; eyes like this weren’t found in their land, and the only people in their kingdom with strange eye coloring was the imperial family and those related to them), and also the fact that his mother smiled happily and went toward Lord Shen and Lord Xian with a hopeful look in her eyes.

“Lord Xian, Lord Shen!” His mother greeted joyfully, chatting with Lord Shen and Lord Xian with a happy smile and pleasant demeanor, trying to soften them a little and flatter them in the same breath. “Oh, and who are these refined gentlemen?” Yue Qi could see the exact moment the change in his mother’s eyes as soon as her eyes fell on the foreign beauty standing beside Liu Qingge; her brows furrowing a bit as she seemed lost in thoughts, even if the smile never left her lips.

Lord Xian gave a smile at the question (A smile that made the fine hair on Yue Qi’s body stand on its end, and make all of his instincts scream at him to flee) before walking to stand behind Liu Qingge and the foreign woman (Man?), and put his hands on their shoulders. “This is Liu Qingge; you must have heard about him and the fates he accomplished during the war?” His mother’s smile was strained when she heard this name, knowing exactly who Liu Qingge was, and what he did to help expel Yue Qi from under Lord Xian’s tutelage. “Xian Qin’s son, and my nephew.” Lord Xian chirped happily, looking so proud as he patted Liu Qingge’s shoulder.

“N-nephew?!” Yue Lin choked, and even Yue Qi almost did the same, before he managed to reign himself in; his eyes were wide with disbelieve wondering if this was a joke of some sort because surely this barbaric monster with no manners and decorum couldn’t be Lord Xian’s nephew! He couldn’t! Because if he was, then Yue Qi, or at least anyone under the Lords’ tutelage would have heard about this! “A… A-Qin’s child? W-why didn’t A-Qin tell me about her child being u-under Lord Bai’s tutelage?” His mother stuttered, feeling so horrified at the thought that Yue Qi had dared to make a nuisance out of himself in front of Lord Xian’s nephew… a feeling that Yue Qi who thought this barbaric brute a street rat climbed to where he was, choked him until he almost fainted (Because not once did he knew about Xian Anxiu’s nephew being Liu Qingge, if he had known back then… if he had known, then Yue Qi would have acted accordingly!).

“Ah, you know how A-Qin is; rarely home and all, of course she wouldn’t know about our little warrior being under Bai-Shidi’s tutelage.” Lord Xian laughed heartily, pinching Liu Qingge’s cheek and ignoring the way people (Who tried to be subtle in their eavesdropping) whispered among themselves. “As for this beauty here…” Lord Xian gave the said beauty a hug that made many whispers, their eyes almost bulging by such action, and many wondered if this beauty would be introduced as Lord Xian’s second husband or concubine (Which was absurd because everyone knew how much Lord Xian and Lord Shen disregarded all of the nobles rules and marriage proposals and remain loyal to one another… but if this was Lord Shen or Lord Xian’s second husband, then this gave many hope that the bridges weren’t completely burned and that they still could marry their offspring to one of the pillars of the Empire).

 “He is my and Anwei’s beloved son; Shen Jiu.” Silence… a deadly silence descended upon the mansion as every person in the vicinity turned to gaze at Lord Xian like the man had lost his mind or was speaking nonsense because if there was something known about Xian Anxiu and Shen Anwei, it was that everyone had lost hope some fifty or so years ago of those two men ever having children to carry their names (Something that made many pleased because then it meant the mighty Xian Clan and the Shen Clan and all the power they held would be up for snatching if those two die or ascended in the future), but now there was a child who would shoulder the name of the two greatest Clans known in the Empire (Now many would no doubt send marriage proposals, their hearts pounding in their chests when they were presented with not one, but two children that could be their tickets to flying into new heights).

Yue Qi, on the other hand, his eyes almost bulged out of his skull as he heard this, his heart dropping to the pit of his stomach as he heard what Lord Xian said; the hysterical part of him was wondering what the hell was going on, or if this was a nightmare of some sort, because surely… surely Shen Jiu wasn’t Lord Shen and Lord Xian’s child, he couldn’t! Not when he was Shen Yuan’s cousin! But if he was… Yue Qi could only pale as he remembered what happened weeks and weeks ago and the words said and the punishment, he was subjected to all because of……

……How the hell did Yue Qi fuck up so much that he didn’t realize how important Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge were?! No wonder! No wonder Xian Anxiu had lost it that day and punished him so severely, and how Shen Anwei was always protective of Shen Jiu and would raise hell every time someone as much as looked at him the wrong way!

………The look his mother sent him when no one was looking, made Yue Qi shake in terror because he knew the punishment waiting for him, for messing everything up and making an enemy out of these two would be far greater than any punishment he suffered before… Yue Qi could only curse, feeling a new flame of hate in his heart at the fact he was betrayed once more by Shen Jiu who hid another crucial information from him… truly…

It was all these two’s fault …)…

There was a time when Shen Yuan and Yue Qi were my whole world… Shen Jiu’s breath hitched as he gazed at Shen Yuan; a red veil covering his face as he walked toward Yue Qi. His heart was pounding in his chest as he watched with his own eyes, how the Grand Finale was taking place; part of Shen Jiu was even afraid to breathe, let alone blink, in fear of missing a single moment in this perfect scene.

They were once the two most important people in my life… When Shen Yuan took Yue Qi’s hand and later was followed by the three bows. One to heaven and earth, one to their parents, and to each other as Lord and Husband. Shen Jiu almost sprung from his chair and started clapping and whistling, feeling so elated and over the moon because finally… finally!

And now they will walk hand in hand into a fiery pit… Shen Jiu almost laughed then and there, feeling so joyful he thought he would end up crying and ruining the makeup that his Shizun spent all morning fussing over as he applied to Shen Jiu’s face, with a proud look. But really, would it be Shen Jiu’s fault for crying when he was feeling so damn happy and relieved that everything was finally over? That Shen Jiu was finally free?

Congratulations you two, your lives are going to be hell… Shen Jiu smiled behind his veil, remembering what happened that morning during the tea ceremony; feeling a flush of contentment and happiness making its way toward his face, and his eyes couldn’t help squinting from how hard he was smiling. And when he caught Tang Rong’s face full of pain and despair at the sight of Shen Yuan and Yue Qi completing their vows? Shen Jiu felt like justice was served.

I hope you feel all the pain and suffering I had to endure… Shen Jiu could only sniffle a bit, feeling emotional and on the verge of truly crying his eyes out, because his revenge was finally complete… everything was finally over, and the proof stood before his very own eyes, telling him that he could finally let go. Shen Jiu could finally let go and look up to the future without thinking about the past and the torture he had to endure because of those two, from the day he lost his parents, to the day he was killed by Yue Qi and Shen Yuan… Shen Jiu could finally let go.

Since I had to live through that hell because of you… All these wasted years, lived in pain and fear. All these what-ifs plagued his life and made it a living nightmare as he was forced to twist himself and break all the goodness in his heart to turn into someone nasty and cruel, just to manage to live another day in this cursed household. All of the bone-deep tiredness that made Shen Jiu more than one time, gaze at the shards of what once was his precious Xiu Ya, and contemplate, ending everything once and for all…

It was finally over…

“Shixiong…?” Liu Qingge’s voice snapped Shen Jiu out of his trance, making him blink and turn toward his Shidi who was gazing at him with such a soft look, that it stole Shen Jiu’s breath away. “How was it, the Grand Finale?” His Shidi asked softly when they were directed to the banquet, his question made Shen Jiu pause before a joyful smile crossed over his face.

“It was beautiful.”

…(Shen Yuan almost bit his tongue off, a tooth or two no doubt had chipped from how hard he ground them together. Fury and loath swam in his chest to the point he almost said fuck it out loud and throw the pot in his hand at Shen Jiu’s smug face that deserved a beating or two for daring to show up at his wedding.

Hate so strong gripped his heart and squeezed, it was a wonder how he hadn’t made any scene from the start of the wedding, to now, the tea ceremony where Shen Yuan was blindsided by the presence of Lord Xian, Lord Shen (Just the sight of them made his heart almost stop as fear and loathed closed his throat shut), Liu Qingge (That bastard! What the hell was he doing here when he wasn’t a family or close to the Yue or Shen Clan to be invited into this ceremony?!), and Shen Jiu (That whore! That disgusting whore who sat him up and then dared to show at his wedding, decked in all these jewels and expensive clothes, while showing half of his face and bewitching everyone with those poisonous eyes of a snake!).

Shen Yuan almost throw the teapot at Shen Jiu’s face then and there before storming away, refusing to continue this ceremony while this bitch was setting there decked in finery that not even Shen Yuan was allowed to have in this rushed and farce wedding; seething as he glanced at his parents (Shen Feng who had a content look and a smile on his face -The first smile… true smile… Shen Yuan had seen on his father’s face in years- while his poor, poor mother looked so sick and frail but continued to glare at Shen Jiu with hate and poison in her eyes, but was unable to do a thing as Lord Xian and Lord Shen sat protectively on his left side; his mother looked even sicker when she saw Lord Shen patted Shen Jiu’s head and gave him a rare and a soft smile, of a parent being proud of their child) feeling anger and hurt when his father didn’t do anything to stop this and ordered Shen Jiu away (And why was Shen Jiu in the tea ceremony in the first place?! That bastard was no longer a family, not since he was taken in by Lord Shen and Lord Xian like the stray dog he was, so why was he here?! -Looking at Lady Yue talking to Lord Xian and cajoling him, Shen Yuan knew that this bitch was the one who invited those dogs here- And Liu Qingge too, why was this asshole here and what was his relation to the Yue Clan? The asshole was already seated on Shen Jiu’s right side, looking so bored and annoyed, like he had a thousand things he could have been doing instead of being here. The nerve!)

Shen Yuan could only stew in his anger as he went through the tea ceremony with this useless man by his side, feeling so angry and humiliated to the point of tears as he served Lady Yue and her husband tea, hearing her useless advice, and feeling so furious when her emotionless puppet of a husband blinked at him before giving him a red envelope without as much as offering a piece of advice or a word of encouragement (But what was Shen Yuan expecting from this useless nothing third husband? The first wife died decades ago, the second wife returned to her Clan disgraced and divorced, of course, the third husband would be like the rest, useless and an idiot).

Shen Yuan could only feel deep hurt and betrayal when he served his parents, tea, and was forced to lean so he would hear his father’s advice to him which was to ‘Control himself and stop creating problems’, while his mother couldn’t even look him in the eyes as she forced herself to swallow the tea and asking him ‘Why was he so stupid he fell for Shen Jiu’s obvious trap and allow him to win?’ before forcing herself to put a golden bracelet around his wrist… Shen Yuan could only feel hurt and angry but forced himself to ignore it as he moved on.

Serving Lord Xian and Lord Shen tea was nerve-wracking; he could only shake in his place when Lord Shen continued to give him these unsettling smiles that made the fine hair on his body stand on its ends, feeling like prey in front of a predator. Lord Xian on the other hand, just smiled carelessly like everything was fine in the world and that he hadn’t come to this wedding to ensure that Yue Qi and Shen Yuan would be wed after catching them in bed; the man was probably laughing at their misery as he handed them that red envelope and gave them this delighted look.

Reaching Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge… Shen Yuan all but threw the hot tea at their faces and stormed away; it was only Yue Qi’s tight grip on his arm and everyone’s eyes on him that forced Shen Yuan to swallow his loathe and kneel to serve those two, tea. He felt hate and embarrassment crawling under his skin the longer he remained kneeling there with Shen Jiu gazing at him with those mocking emerald eyes. Eyes that went from him to Yue Qi before seeming to squint in delight and mockery that made Shen Yuan, burn.

“Shen Yuan, Yue Qi… Congratulations on your wedding. I mean it, from the bottom of my heart” Shen Jiu let out a soft laugh as he tilted his head in delight, making Shen Yuan grit his teeth and almost hurl the teapot at his face; it was the soft gasp beside Shen Yuan that made him clutch the teapot tightly, his stomach dropping as he realized that the dog kneeling beside him had no doubt been enchanted by this whore… just like his whore of a mother… Shen Yuan could only choke, feeling humiliation taking hold of him at this situation he was thrown into.

“Yue Qi…” Liu Qingge called out, gazing at Yue Qi and Shen Yuan with a look that was hard to decipher, but it was enough to make Yue Qi’s smile slip momentary before he forced it back; to Shen Yuan’s humiliation, Liu Qingge didn’t even take one sip from the tea. “…Respect your husband and treat him well, that’s all the advice I’m willing to offer.” Yue Qi’s face twitched at that, and he could only give a choked ‘Thank you’; Liu Qingge nodded never once drinking even one sip from his cup.

“Yuan-er…” Shen Jiu smiled as he motioned with his hand for Shen Yuan to get closer, something that made his skin crawl, but he forced himself to obey because everyone was looking at him. It didn’t take long before Shen Jiu put a red Qiankun Pouch in his hands, and Shen Yuan could only furrow his brows at the bulging pouch before his skin crawled when Shen Jiu put his hand on his shoulder and leaned to whisper. “Use it… when you feel that you have had enough.” And then he leaned back, his eyes squinting in pleasure.

Oh, how Shen Yuan burned when he heard this… oh, how he almost sprinted up and tackled this bitch and squeezed his neck until all life left him…. oh, how he wanted to take his hair stick and thrust it in Shen Jiu’s eye, give him something to laugh about. Instead, Shen Yuan forced himself to smile and bow his head in thanks. “Thank you, Jiu-Ge.” Even when he felt like he threw up in his mouth at such humiliation and pain…

Shen Yuan should have killed Shen Jiu when he had the chance …)…

He met Shen Feng during the banquet… Shen Jiu didn’t know how to react or what to say as he gazed at his uncle; feeling discomfort and a little bit out of it, not knowing how to deal with the man. By then his Shizun and Xian-Shibo were forced to go around and mingle with the people who attended; Liu-Shidi was dragged somewhere by some General or another (Either to talk about battles and war or talk about marriage proposal), and Shen Jiu barely managed to escape some grabby aunties who wanted to introduce him to their daughters/sons.

Shen Jiu could only offer a small bow in greeting, gazing at his uncle, who for the first time in his life, had a soft and happy look on his face, and actually looked relaxed and not tensed like he always was… something that made Shen Jiu partially happy, that the older man didn’t have that harpy surrounding him and shrieking in his ears, causing him to scowl and lock himself in his office, and rarely emerge.

Shen Jiu’s relationship with his uncle was complicated; it was always complicated and all of their interactions were painted by Tang Rong’s presence. While Shen Feng protected him and allowed him some leniency (Allowed him to go to school and finish his education, bought him clothes and necessities, gave him allowance when he wanted, and protected him from unsavory people -Such as Qiu Jianluo, a creep whom Shen Jiu had the misfortune of meeting when he was twelve; a man with a nasty taste and temper who dared to try and touch Shen Jiu and feel him up, and lost his fingers as punishment- who wanted to harm him, and even arranged a large dowry and later the sum of money Shen Jiu just returned) Shen Feng never really protected him from Tang Rong and Shen Yuan’s designs; content to stay in the sidelines and allowed those two to do what they wanted.

Shen Jiu could only feel mixed emotions when it came to the man; part of him hated Shen Feng for not protecting him when it mattered, while the other part adored and loved Shen Feng because Shen Feng was a mirror image of his late father. An image of when Shen Jiu was young, he would close his eyes and trick his mind when everything became hard that his A-Die was just around the corner and everything would be alright.

But then Shen Jiu married into the Yue household, blunging into this hell on earth forever alone, and never being able to trick himself like how he was young that Shen Feng was around the corner and would come if Shen Jiu needed anything…. Not two years later after his marriage Shen Feng died and Shen Jiu had truly lost the last link to his family (…The way he bawled when hearing this news back then. The way he cried and lost it and felt something inside of his chest break because it felt like losing his father once again…).

But then, Shen Jiu was back in the past, and Shen Feng was alive and well… Shen Jiu didn’t even know what to think or feel when seeing his once-dead Shushu standing before him, looking alive and well and had this soft indulging smile he always sent Shen Jiu. Shen Jiu barely survived the tea ceremony that morning when he saw his uncle; the only reason he persisted was that he wanted to see Shen Yuan suffer, and the fact he avoided looking in Shen Feng’s direction as if his life depended on it.

“Shen-Gongzi…” His uncle bowed back, greeting him with his title instead of ‘Jiu-er’ like he always did upon seeing him. “I know it’s not my place to say this after everything that happened between us but…” Shen Feng stood up, giving Shen Jiu a happy albeit tired smile. “I am truly glad you are well and from the look of it, happy with your new family.” Shen Feng’s eyes squinted, and he looked truly as happy as he claimed to be.

Shen Jiu could only duck his head in embarrassment, not knowing what to do other than say. “…Thank you, Shush…” Only to stop in the middle of his sentence when he realized that Shen Feng was no longer his ‘Shushu’ but was a stranger. “Thank you, Lord Shen…” Shen Jiu ended up correcting himself.

“Hmmm…” Shen Feng nodded, looking somewhat sad but resigned before glancing to the side and an amused smile crossed over his lips. “Oh, also, I wanted to say congratulations.” The older man said out of the blue, causing Shen Jiu to furrow his brows in confusion.

“On?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but inquire softly, wondering what there was for his uncle to congratulate him about other than his adoption, and maybe the future rewards or title bestowed by the Emperor when the time was right, but at the moment, the banquet for their victory was postponed until the Emperor's say so.

“Your engagement with Liu-Gongzi, of course.” His uncle said offhandedly, looking truly happy as he turned to glance at Liu Qingge who was surrounded by more Generals and aunties, he looked pissed and a step from saying fuck it and punch someone in the nose. “He looks like a nice and honorable man… Zihao and Sanren would have been happy with your choice of your future spouse.” Delight shone in Shen Feng’s eyes. “Sanren would have adored him; he is so much like Zihao in personality she would have been delighted to tease him.” Hearing the mention of his father and mother, Shen Jiu’s heart skipped a few beats.

Still, Shen Jiu could only stutter through embarrassment. “I…. n-no… I… w-we are not…” Wishing for the earth to open up and swallow him because truly, it was so embarrassing and a little baffling how his uncle came to this conclusion just because they came together with Lord Xian and Lord Shen.

“Eh? You are not? That’s strange…” Shen Feng hummed to himself, raising an eyebrow in wonder and amusement as he looked between Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu. “I thought the two of you were together…” His uncle admitted after a while, his words even more confusing.

“Why would you think that?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but ask, wondering if it was the way Liu Qingge had stayed beside him throughout the wedding or the way he would send Shen Jiu these smiles now and then; but truly, it couldn’t help but baffle Shen Jiu and confuse him on why his Shushu would think him and his Shidi were together.

“Because…” Shen Feng started, looking at his Shidi long and hard before his smile widened. “He looks at you the same way Sanren used to look at Zihao…” Another mention of his parents and Shen Jiu’s breath was stolen from his chest because his uncle rarely if ever talked about them. “…With Devotion…” This made Shen Jiu’s heart skip several beats, and he could only gaze at his feet in embarrassment and confusion.

“I… I… O-oh… n-no… you… you are probably imagining this… h-he is m-my S-Shidi and….” Shen Jiu stuttered, waving his hands and trying to make his uncle understand that there was nothing between Liu Qingge and himself; his face got redder and redder the longer Shen Feng looked at him with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

“Oh, Gods above, not this again…” Shen Feng mumbled to himself in a quiet voice, but it was loud enough for Shen Jiu to hear and made him stop his stuttering to look at his uncle who had an exasperated look on his face. “…Truly you are your father’s son.” Shaking his head and letting out a tired sigh.

“My… my father?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but whisper, his heart skipping at the thought of hearing a comment like this coming from Shen Feng when the man never once brought up his parents willingly (Mainly because Tang Rong would always lose it and start screaming her head off, cursing his mother and Shen Jiu, and probably his father too; so, really, his parents were a forbidden topic in the Shen estate)

“Yeah, your father; I truly hoped that you would be different than him regarding love and be more like Sanren… unfortunately, it seemed that my brother’s awkward personality was stronger than Sanren’s bold one.” Shen Feng shook his head, looking truly disappointed and amused at the same time. “Did I ever tell you that your mother was the one who proposed to your father?” Shen Jiu’s breath stopped in his chest, and his jaw could only drop a little bit.

“…No…” Shen Jiu whispered. “…You didn’t…” You never talked about my parents… Shen Jiu wanted to continue but he held his tongue, part of him wanted to pursue the matter while the other part was terrified if he did, then Shen Feng wouldn’t tell him anything.

“Ah…” Shen Feng looked away; his face twisted into a wry smile as he seemed to be battling with himself. “I see… well… Zihao was always this awkward man with a quirky personality.” His Shushu started, and Shen Jiu could only swallow, feeling his heart skip at the mention of his father. “He was smart, some would say too smart, and he knew everything about everything; you could ask him about literature, math, or history, and man he would sing like a bird. But when it comes to love? My brother was as dense as a rock, and he didn’t know how to talk to the opposite gender. Really, his version of talking was just smiling and nodding along to everything they said until they left him alone. God knows how many times I had to insert myself to save him from those vultures’ grabby hands.” Shen Feng chuckled softly, looking lost in thoughts and realms away.

“…What about my mother?” Shen Jiu questioned in a tiny voice, wanting to hear more about his parents from the person closest to them and was finally willing to open up about them and tell Shen Jiu a little bit about what his parents were like (His parents, who as the years passed and Shen Jiu got older, he started to forget about them, and could only remember fuzzy visions and moments while everything else was forgotten with the sand of times due to losing them when he was young).

“…She was bold… loud… full of life. She was smart too, just like Zihao, maybe even more than him…” Yeah, Shen Jiu could believe that he could believe that because from the few memories he had of her; his mother was always smiling and happy and seemed bigger than life. “She was a traveler from a faraway land and she came here during her travels one night, said it would be temporary, but then decided to stay.” Shen Jiu could only let out a choked noise.

“Why did she…?” Shen Jiu ended up whispering after a while, part of him wanted to know the reason why a traveler like his mother decided to stay in this land when from what he managed to hear during the years of his youth; his mother could never settle in one place even if her life depended on it.

“Your father, of course.” Was Shen Feng’s answer, and Shen Jiu could only let out a soft ‘Oh’ hearing this. “She saw him, saw his personality, and she teased the life out of him because she thought him a fuddy-duddy who needed to light up.” Shen Jiu couldn’t help the choked laugh leaving him. “God knows what she saw in the awkward mess who never knew how to talk to her without losing it and switching to book-long essays about the flora and fauna of our land…” Shen Jiu’s eyes misted at that, and he could only let out a shuddered breath, feeling light, but at the same time in agony, when hearing about his parents after all these years. “But she liked what she saw, she stayed, and she looked at him just like how your boy over there is looking at you now.” Here, Shen Jiu couldn’t help but flush red in embarrassment, wondering why Shen Feng would bring Liu Qingge into this, and to make things even worse, his Shushu called Liu Qingge ‘His boy’.

“I… h-he is not my… he…” Shen Jiu’s voice cracked as he stuttered once more, feeling a bit embarrassed and out of it as he tried to defend his poor Shidi from being associated with him. “…He has a bright future ahead of him, h-he isn’t… I… I would….” Shen Jiu could only stutter more and more, feeling dizzy and unbalanced as he looked at his feet in embarrassment.

“You would only drag him down and snuff his bright flame?” Shen Feng completed his sentence, making Shen Jiu’s heart skip, but he nodded because this was exactly the reason why he never wanted his Shidi to come near him. “…That’s what Zihao said too…” Shen Jiu’s eyes widened at that and he could only gaze at Shen Feng with surprise. “…Right before Sanren marched into our home with a Black Moon Python Rhinoceroses and demanded his hand in marriage.” Shen Jiu could only choke, not knowing what to feel or think about the thought of his mother storming into his father’s home with a large beast carcass and demanding his father’s hand. “Yeah, your mother was bold like this.” Shen Feng answered his unasked question and continued. “Jiu-er… I know it’s not my place, and that I have lost the right to tell you this but…” It was the ‘Jiu-er’, the momentarily lapse where his uncle called him by this endearment and not his title that informed Shen Jiu how serious the man was. “Love and attraction go both ways and when devotion like this is involved?” Here Shen Feng pointed at his Shidi with his head, amusement shone in his eyes when Liu Qingge managed to spot him and frown harshly, looking like he was ready to march toward Shen Feng and pull him away from Shen Jiu. “I wouldn’t be overestimating things when I tell you that your boy will wait for you until the end of times.” Shen Jiu’s heart skipped several beats, and his throat felt dry all of a sudden as he could only shift in embarrassment.

“I am older than him… he is young……” Shen Jiu forced out, not being able to help but remember how he was older than his Shidi by sixteen years, and if he was mad enough to pursue a relationship with his Shidi who was young and didn’t know any better, then Shen Jiu wouldn’t be better than those Lords and Ladies who forced themselves on the younger generation just to feel like they amounted to something.

“Your mother was older than your father by six years; you are older than him by what? Two? Three? Four years?” No, sixteen… Shen Jiu wanted to correct, but he held back, because correcting meant telling the truth, and Shen Jiu was not ready to tell the truth. “What the Mortals think are their own; Cultivators take no part in their lives and beliefs, and do not follow their laws or rules.” Shen Jiu could only flinch as he heard these words, looking at his uncle who was gazing at Shen Jiu with a long and hard-to-decipher look. “Wasn’t that something you should have been taught by Lord Shen?” Shen Feng inquired softly.

“I was…” Shen Jiu admitted, feeling shame and embarrassment curled around him because this was what his Shizun always told him during his first few months as his Disciple; words that after his marriage, and later Xiu Ya’s shattering. Shen Jiu had thrown them in the back of his mind because he was no longer a Cultivator or an immortal after losing everything and falling from grace.

“Then is he still too young for you by Cultivators’ standards?” Shen Jiu could only swallow at that, feeling a little bit unbalanced as he forced the word ‘No’ from between his lips. “Then there you have it.” Shen Feng smiled, nodding his head before a laugh suddenly left him. “You know…” Shen Feng’s lips quirked into an amused smile as he said. “If Sanren was here, she would have smacked you over the head and then went to complain to Zihao about his awkwardness being inherited by you before dragging you to your boy’s parents to propose.” Shen Jiu’s heart all but stopped then and there, and he could only gaze at his Shushu because once more, his uncle brought his parents up… brought them up with Liu Qingge in a way that made Shen Jiu swallow harshly as his mind started going through all the possibilities and scenarios.

“Why… why are you telling me this?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but whisper, his voice choked up as he finally asked the question that had taken hold of him ever since his uncle decided to bring his parents’ approval of Liu Qingge and how they would have been happy to have him as their son-in-law.

Shen Feng’s smile vanished, his eyes looking Lis away as he seemed to lose himself for a bit. “…I am just an old man who got emotional on such a big day… some things are bound to overflow.” Words that made Shen Jiu furrow his brows a bit but he forced himself to accept this answer even when he knew it was not the true one. “Anyway, goodbye, Shen-Gongzi…” Shen Feng bowed, his smile once more back on his face, and getting wider when he saw that Liu Qingge had broken away from the aunties and Generals and was making his way toward them. “I truly wish you happiness from the bottom of my heart.” And with that, Shen Feng left, leaving Shen Jiu standing there alone, feeling like his world was flipped upside down and all of his views twisted and warped as he started to think of his uncle’s words.

Shen Jiu couldn’t help it even against his will, but when Liu Qingge arrived to stand beside him and asked about his wellbeing, and looked close to fretting as if fearing Shen Feng would have hurt him… Shen Jiu could only look deep and hard in his Shidi’s eyes, trying to see what his uncle claimed he did…

Shen Jiu did see it in the end…

He didn’t know if it made him happy or scared…

…(It made him happy… it truly did…)…

…(It was the stomping of feet, the growling, and the unsightly appearance of Yue Lin who was marching to him as if preparing to throw hands at him, but barely held back, that told Shen Feng all he needed to know about the conversation they would have. “You lied!” Yue Lin hissed, raising her hand as if to slap him. She realized her mistake when Shen Feng narrowed his eyes and gave the woman a harsh look, reminding her of her place.

“Excuse me?” Shen Feng questioned after a while, feigning ignorance about the matter Yue Lin was talking about, even when he knew a thousand present what this crazy whore was implying. And truly Shen Feng’s acting was impeccable, after all, he was forced to live with the less stellar version of this woman in his home for over twenty years.

“You lied!” Yue Lin repeated as if repeating these words over and over again would make Shen Feng understand. “You told me Sanren’s child is no longer with you, you told me he is no longer in your home, you told me when I came to ask about him…!” Yue Lin shouted, opening the same subject she had been opening after Sanren and Zihao’s deaths, for five years before Shen Feng had had enough and found a way to stop her from coming to his home and demand seeing Shen Jiu or trying to force the poor boy into marriage using her useless son.

Instead, Shen Feng graced Yue Lin with a placid smile. “Because he is not from the Shen family anymore, and was adopted by Lord Xian and Lord Shen.” A truth… not the whole truth really, because the adoption was recent, but Shen Feng had his ways, and he managed to talk with Lord Xian when the man came to Shen Feng with Shen Yuan in tow and told him about what happened; if Shen Feng pleaded with Lord Xian to write the adoption date years back, this was not here, nor there, and even Lord Xian had no right to ask, even when the man looked at him with dark eyes that held judgment and disgust. “You can check our family book and Clan book for yourself, Shen Jiu is not registered there.” Shen Feng had made sure of that; he had made sure that no matter who and how long someone searched, they would never find Shen Jiu registered in their family as anything other than a guest or servant of some sort… the only way he knew how to protect Zihao and Sanren’s son from Tang Rong and Yue Lin when they came looking and tried to trap the boy using filial piety and the pressure of a family and a Clan (The only thing Shen Feng repeated to Shen Jiu day and night, and trying to harden his heart and ignore the hurt and pain shining in those beloved green orbs when Shen Feng told Shen Jiu he was not a family… he needed Shen Jiu to understand that he does not belong to this poisonous family; he needed him to understand and back away and leave before Tang Rong or Yue Lin found him and managed to trap him in their nasty schemes).

“Sanren’s child was Yue Qi’s betrothal!” Disgust took hold of Shen Feng at this implication, just the thought of his Gege’s bright child who was bound to fly high in the skies being shackled to such a useless and witless man was enough for Shen Feng to feel like he hurled in his mouth. “He was supposed to be the one marrying my son today! How dare you not honor the agreement between the Yue Clan and your deceased brother, and give me your son instead?!” He is not my son; he is a bastard Tang Rong forced on me when her schemes to trap my brother didn’t work… Shen Feng almost stated with a wry smile but held his tongue back.

Just the reminder of Shen Yuan and Tang Rong, and their association with him, made Shen Feng's blood boil but he held back… the cuckoo in the nest… a bastard conceived when Tang Rong, in her mad schemes to trap his poor Gege in a marriage due to a child. Dared to do the most despicable thing, and had taken a page out of Yue Lin’s book and spiked Shen Feng’s drink with aphrodisiac. Knowing that Shen Feng was an easy target living in the Shen family estate with his parents (Who against Shen Zihao’s pleas and later Shen Feng's, continued to invite this annoying woman in the hope she would catch one of their sons’ fancy). Unlike Shen Zihao who was living in his own home with Sanren, protected and cared for by the woman who would have killed Tang Rong with one look if she saw her near Zihao.

Too bad for Tang Rong, she did not count on Shen Feng being infertile… too bad for Shen Feng he didn’t know he was infertile at that time too… it would have saved him many years of pain and heartache, and later the shock of his life when a passing doctor (Probably a Demonic Cultivator, Shen Feng had forgotten his name but not his words) took some of his and Shen Yuan’s blood, before laughing her head silly and telling Shen Feng the lovely news. Further testing and research, told Shen Feng all he needed to know, but by then the damage was done, and Shen Feng was trapped with this poisonous snake in the grass and her son.

“What agreement?” Shen Feng could only tilt his head, raising his eyebrow in mockery, which made Yue Lin look a step too close to slapping him. “Lady Yue, did you lose yourself to alcohol? There was no such thing as a marriage agreement between the Shen family and the Yue Clan.” Shen Feng had made sure of that, he had made sure of that by burning that damning piece of paper until there was nothing left of it, even ashes. He had made sure to burn the damned thing that resulted in him losing his Gege, his Jiejie, and being forced to raise their child in the poisonous nest that was the Shen family home, and not knowing what to do because that whore and her bastard would strike whenever Shen Feng dared to close his eyes or just blink.

“Yes, there was! I gave the contract to Shen Zihao and Sanren myself.” A document that Shen Zihao brought into his home, fury and loath so strong in his face and eyes that Shen Feng could only take a step back because he didn’t know what to do, and this was the first time such a look appeared on his Gege’s face.

“Well, you said you gave it, but I saw no evidence of it.” Because I made sure, it doesn’t exist anymore you sick fuck… Shen Feng could only sneer within himself, feeling so disgusted and angry just being in the same vicinity as the woman who dared to look at his Jiejie and later Shen Jiu who was nothing but a child of six, and say those sick comments not even monsters would say.

“W-what? Of course, there is! I gave them the contract before…” Shen Feng couldn’t help the cold smile that took over his face, as he watched how the woman fumbled and then paled when she realized how her action that autumn night years ago had caused her everything… a divine punishment if there was any, because look at her now, disgraced and made fun of by everyone and anyone for the plunder her son had created and shamed his Clan with.

“Before the fires destroyed their home?” Shen Feng’s eyes were screaming ‘Caught you!’ as he let out an amused hum, part of him feeling delighted, at having bested this disgusting woman who dared to look at another man’s wife and later child, think she could have them just because. “Too bad then, burned documents which turned to ashes sixteen years ago are not going to hold in the Emperor's court.” Shen Feng, for the first time in so many years, felt truly vindictive and happy as he watched this wretch woman fumble and her face turn red with anger.

“You… you!” Yue Lin shouted, looking so incensed she couldn’t help but attract people’s attention and make the servants pause in their task to gaze at Yue Lin and Shen Feng, some of the Yue Clan’s servants flinched and scurried away, no doubt knowing what was going to follow and how their crazy Lady would lose it…

Was Shen Feng a nasty and cold person for marrying Shen Yuan to such a household even when knowing what was waiting for the boy? …He probably was, and many would say he was disgusting and cruel for throwing his ‘son’ to the wolves. But Shen Feng was tired of the schemes and the problems and everything related to Shen Yuan and Tang Rong, and he just wanted to get rid of these two in every possible way, before he found a small corner in this world to die quietly… he was, so, so tired, and want this to be over… besides, Shen Yuan was Tang Rong’s bastard, he was a schemer and a manipulative person from start to finish (Something that Shen Feng didn’t know if it came from Tang Rong or Shen Yuan’s so far, unknown father) he was good at it, and subtle in a way that if people weren’t sharp and smart wouldn’t catch… yeah, he would thrive in this household and he would survive.

“Lady Yue!” Shen Feng shouted in return, making the woman stumble back, confused and a little unbalanced at the fact that someone had dared to raise their voice at her. “Yeah, I can shout too and raise my voice; so, show some respect!” Shen Feng sneered, looking at the woman with disgust and annoyance before he let out an annoyed huff. “Now, either you are drunk out of your mind, or something else, but either way, I said it once, and I will say it again; Shen Jiu is not part of the Shen family, he had not been a part of it for over sixteen years.” Because Shen Feng made sure of that. “He was adopted by the esteemed Shen Clan, a long time ago and that’s that.” He made sure to give his request and was at the receiving end of many nasty jabs and looks filled with loath from Lord Shen, but Shen Feng accepted it and swallowed his pride and hurt because he deserved it for being a failure in protecting his Gege and Jiejie’s little treasure.

“I don’t believe you…” Yue Lin still insisted, being so stupid and blind; not being able to read the room and move on. “Why was he living with you if he was adopted by Lord Shen and Lord Xian, huh?! Why was he staying with you and not them?! I would have heard about it, I would have-!” You would have, huh? Hear about it from where? From those Lords who looked at you with such disgust like you were something nasty under their boots? Don’t kid yourself… Yue Lin ranted, looking so hysteric, Shen Feng wondered if he should call a doctor.

“Tell me? Are two Lords who are busy dealing with daily political nightmares, wars, and assassination attempts every time they turn their backs, ready to handle a small child living inside of their home?” Shen Feng explained things like he would explain it to a child, remembering the boy who came with Jiu-er (A boy, when seeing the way, he looked at his nephew; Shen Feng’s heart could only seize because this was the exact way his Jiejie always looked at Gege, even if Shen Jiu didn’t know it yet; even if he refused to believe it for now… that boy would one day stand beside his nephew and they would perform their three bows to one another. If Zihao or Sanren’s Spirits were out there in this world watching their son from the heavens; Shen Feng knew the two would make sure that this boy… that this Liu Qingge… would be the one standing beside their beloved son and would protect him to the end of time), Lord Xian’s nephew whom no one knew about his existence until Lord Shen and Lord Xian decided to introduce the boy to society using Yue Qi’s wedding and making it a spectacle (And to Shen Feng’s amusement, no one seemed to realize the snowballing effect that would take place after such bold action done by the Lords). “They adopted him, told us to keep him in our home until the time was right, and came for him when he became seventeen, that’s that.” Shen Feng shrugged feeling a twisted sort of pleasure at the way Yue Lin looked at the moment.

“You are… lying…” Yue Lin choked, not even she looked convinced by her statement anymore, and she started doubting herself. Shen Feng could only smile happily, knowing that he finally had this woman trapped in a corner she would never get out of, any time in the future.

“Then ask them yourself, and demand their son’s hand in marriage; see their answer, and their reaction when you bring the ‘Burned Document’ from sixteen years ago.” Pleasure curled around his heart when he saw how Yue Lin’s face paled to the point, that she almost got sick then and there because he knew what the Lords’ reaction would be if Yue Lin had enough audacity to show up at their home and demanded Shen Jiu’s hand to marry her son, or God forbidden, her. “…Thought so.” Shen Feng hummed, nodding his head like a wise old sage before he let out an amused huff. “Now Lady Yue, if you excuse me, I will go and enjoy myself. Have a good night.” Shen Feng gave this nasty woman one last mocking smile before he returned to the banquet, planning on enjoying his last night of peace before being forced to return home with Tang Rong and be subjected to her shrieking and whining and violence that never ended… but that was fine, it was all fine and alright because he knew that Tang Rong knew she was on her last strike and if she dared to do a single thing out of line, Shen Feng wouldn’t hesitate to divorce her and end this farce once and for all…

Just a little bit more… just a little bit more…

And Shen Feng would finally be free …)…

He shouldn’t have allowed his Shushu’s words to get to him… he shouldn’t have allowed Shen Feng’s words to get to him… but Shen Jiu did… he allowed the man’s words into his head, and now the only thing that Shen Jiu could think of was his Shushu’s words, the what-ifs, and if it was really alright for Shen Jiu to try once more and open his heart to someone and not expect getting stabbed in the back.

“Thank you, Shidi…” Shen Jiu remembered whispering that night after they were back in the Xian’s mansion; his heart was pounding in his chest as he gripped his cup filled with tea tightly, taking courage and strength from this act as he tried not to look at his Shidi who was gazing at the pond with a serene look.

“For what?” Liu Qingge titled his head in a question, gazing at him with eyes that made Shen Jiu feel uncharacteristically shy and out of his depth, especially, when Shen Feng’s words continued to flash before his mind's eye; shadowing every interaction he had with his Shidi and rewriting everything… weakening Shen Jiu’s resolves.

“For letting me use you.” Here, an amused quirk of lips was seen on his Shidi’s face; one that made Shen Jiu smile against his will and lower his head to gaze at the cup in his hands. “If you ever need a favor, I will do my best to help you.” Shen Jiu vowed, looking at his Shidi with grateful eyes, promising himself that whatever his Shidi needed in the future, Shen Jiu would be there to help him achieve it.

It was a short while of silence before his Shidi mumbled. “If Shixiong needs help… I will drop everything and be there.” Words that made Shen Jiu scrunch his nose, trying to control the embarrassment from coloring his face at such bold words from this boy… truly, Liu Qingge didn’t need to do this.

“Foolish Shidi…” Shen Jiu’s voice cracked as he said this, and snippets from his conversation with his Shushu invaded his mind, making Shen Jiu shift because he knew… he knew he was cracking under the pressure as the what-ifs, longing, and all the dreams and hopes he buried in his past life started to resurface and pester him with their presence. “If someone asks for your help you should assess the situation first, even if it was me.” Shen Jiu huffed, raising his head and flicking his Shidi’s forehead in punishment for being stupid to the point of discarding everything and allowing himself to be used just because of a silly crush.

“If it’s you, I don’t care.” Shen Jiu blushed, and he could only glare at Liu Qingge; his heart was skipping several beats for how bold his Shidi’s comment was… really, Lord Xian was rubbing on his Shidi in the worst way possible! Shen Jiu was so going to complain to his Shizun about it the next day.

“Why?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but question, and in the back of his mind, his Shushu’s amused huff of ‘You truly are your father’s son’ sounded in his head, making Shen Jiu’s nose scrunch in embarrassment as he remembered what his Shushu told him about his parents early that night.

“You could say…” His Shidi’s face turned pink, and his eyes trailed from Shen Jiu to the teacup in his hands before whispering. “It might be out of self-interest…” Words that summoned an amused bark of laughter that even Shen Jiu was surprised such a laugh left his throat.

His Shidi was a catch… Shen Jiu couldn’t help but think, and for the umpteenth time that night, his Shushu’s words once more started to affect him, bringing with it all of his stupid and childish dreams of having the beautiful life his parents had before they died (The beautiful life that his Shizun and Shibo seemed to have as they acted like his parents to such extend, Shen Jiu wondered if he was seeing doubles)… Tall, handsome, from a good family and stand, he is kind, good, and everything everyone out there would hope for in a partner… Shen Jiu could only glance at his cup, his lips pressing into a tight line.

So, why does he like someone like me…?

Someone old and bitter, someone who was ruined and had nothing ever since his parents died; someone ugly and disfigured who would bring his partners nightmares if he dared to remove his veil. Someone who many people out there would be ashamed to introduce to their family because Shen Jiu was not someone, anyone would love to be caught standing beside… so why him? “Shidi, can I ask you something?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but ask, feeling a little nervous and out of it when his Shidi hummed ‘Of course’. “…Why do you like me?” Shen Jiu couldn’t help but blur this question out, wanting to know why someone who was accomplished and amazing like his Shidi would even like someone like him.

His Shidi flushed crimson red at the question, and an almost pout made its way to his face before he whispered. “…There is no particular reason…” Looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here, but was holding up and staying in his place… just because Shen Jiu asked.

Shen Jiu’s conversation with Shen Feng started replaying in his mind once more, and he couldn’t help but swallow. “Then, when did you start having feelings for me?” Shen Jiu continued on, and once again, his Shidi could only flush redder and redder, refusing to look Shen Jiu in the eyes.

“…I will tell you that later…” Liu Qingge mumbled in a voice that was as tiny as a gnat before. “If you give me a chance.” Words that made Shen Jiu’s heart skip several beats and his face felt warm when his Shidi glanced at him with the same look Shen Feng talked about and only now he managed to detect.

“He looks at you the same way Sanren used to look at Zihao…”

He really shouldn’t… Shen Jiu really should just leave his Shidi alone… he really should just apologize and tell Liu Qingge that he was better off without him, that he could do so much better and achieve a happy life with someone as amazing as the future ‘War God’ who took their world by storm… Shen Jiu really shouldn’t… but… “Well then, Shidi, call me intrigued, you are granted a chance.” Shen Jiu allowed his Shushu’s words about his parents to affect him, and now the longing and what-ifs refused to leave him no matter how he begged for them.

“You…” His Shidi’s breath hitched, his eyes were wide and Shen Jiu could only watch how his Shidi opened and closed his mouth several times before he asked in a wobbly voice. “…Is this a, yes?” A question that made Shen Jiu’s hands shake for a bit.

“…With Devotion.”

“It’s a maybe.” Shen Jiu told his Shidi, swallowing and looking at Liu Qingge whose eyes started to glisten before a broken ‘Oh’ left him. “Eh? Eehhh?! Shidi, why are you crying?!” Shen Jiu could only choke out and jump to his Shidi when the man bowed his head and started sobbing uncontrollably; freaking out at the thought of messing this up before they even started to the point of making his Shidi cry.

“I… s-sorry… s-sorry…” Liu Qingge stuttered through harsh sobs before he managed to choke out. “I am… just… I am… so happy…” Words that made Shen Jiu still and for his eyes to mist when he remembered weeks ago when Xian Shibo presented him with the jade token and emotions couldn’t help but overflow without restrain. Shen Jiu could only let out a choked laugh as he took out a handkerchief and started wiping the tears from Liu Qingge's face, ignoring his Shidi’s stutters and chokes about this and that; for the first time in his life, Shen Jiu felt like it was alright for him to do what he desired and wanted…

Shen Jiu was free… he was finally free… It wouldn’t hurt to start moving on from that cursed chapter in his life and look forward to the future, and looking at his Shidi who was gazing at him with that look his Shushu talked about (The look that his mother used to give his father) Shen Jiu couldn’t help but ponder about the what-ifs, and what his life would have been like if back then, Shen Jiu had known about his Shidi and his love, and had chosen him instead of being blinded by Yue Qi and Shen Yuan’s lies… well… Shen Jiu could only smile…

He was about to find out soon enough…