Chapter Text
“Again,” Sasuke was bent over his stomach, spiting out blood on the cobblestones of a hidden alleyway. He threw his head back, ready for another one, “harder this time.”
“C’mon kid, I’ve hit you plenty. I said yes to a couple of punches, but I’m not gonna kill ya’ for some coin.” The man in front of him was looking at him reticently, blood on his knuckles.
Kill me? That made Sasuke want to laugh. It was barely hurting, and that was exactly the problem. It didn’t surprise him however, even if it was frustrating: eventually, they always got to this point.
“I’ll pay you double,” he said. The time to cringe at his own desperation had long passed: Sasuke barely took note of it anymore.
The man regarded him hesitantly again and Sasuke saw he was greying. He felt strange for noticing it. Had he known many men whose hair had gone grey from old age? No, not really. Maybe the Yondaime, only. Had Fugaku’s hair started to grey when he was still alive? Sasuke wasn’t sure, but suddenly it became infinitely important to find out. At what age did men start to grey?
He pictured his father standing in front of the mirror in his room, hands pulling his hair apart with a scowl, finding the silver strands. Or maybe… Fugaku reading the newspaper, Mikoto walking past him, noticing it for the first time. ‘The stress is getting to you, dear’ she’d tease. Then Fugaku would smirk, a hidden smile, ‘Soon I’ll look too old for you,’ and she’d appease him with ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I love old men, don’t you know’? But these weren’t memories. Just fake futures Sasuke imagined for his parents sometimes.
“Seven hells… no, no,” he heard, and suddenly it wasn’t Fugaku standing in front of him, but the man Sasuke had paid to hit him again. Why was he thinking about greying hair? “What’s the matter with you?”
A good question. Not one Sasuke had answers for. Not one he wanted to think about, anyways. This was always when Sasuke stopped insisting: when they began asking him questions that were none of their concern. He wiped the blood off his face with the back of his hand and reached for the coin purse.
“Don’t speak to anyone about this,” he told the man, pressing the amount he was owed onto the palm of his hand.
Told was maybe… an understatement. Ordered would be more fitting, as Sasuke deployed his sharingan’s genjutsu when he said it. The man walked away shaking his head.
Sasuke was used to this routine by now: the confused look on the stranger’s face upon the request, the shrug when they saw the money, a couple of badly packed punches in an alleyway, and finally, them walking away, leaving Sasuke behind feeling just as unsatisfied as he had been before they started, if not more.
The people he asked were always non-shinobi: this arrangement of his was not something he wanted getting to Kakashi’s ears after all, and the silence of civilians could be more easily bought, and trusted, for that matter, than a shinobi’s. That stipulation made it hard for the strangers to actually be capable of hurting him, however. Not that a regular shinobi really could either. In fact, thus far, the person who’d gotten close to doing a good job was a woman that worked at the docks in the Land of Lightning. She packed a hefty punch, tho she refused to keep hitting him when Sasuke came to her for the third time.
Even with all those experiences in mind, Sasuke was disappointed. Mad, even. This time, he’d gotten his hopes up. He had chosen a beefy middle-aged man he’d seen doing ironwork at a forge, thinking his jabs would finally satisfy him. But, of course, they didn’t. Even the punches of a man like that paled in comparison to the ones he used to get from…
Never mind.
Sasuke avoided thinking about Naruto, tho Naruto made it very hard for him to do so. He sent letters, lots of letters, which Sasuke almost never replied to. Still, more came. Sasuke read them dutifully at night when he felt lonely, either by the campfire or by candle light, when he was lucky enough to get a room wherever he was staying rather than sleeping on the road.
He tried not to think about Naruto because it hurt, more than any of the punches anyone had thrown at him for the past year or so. Sasuke wasn’t sure if it hurt in a good or a bad way. He was only just starting to realise that there might be a difference. He supposed, it was both. But he tried not to think about it.
Sasuke fastened his sword back around his hips and covered himself with his cloak.
“What if I don’t want money?”
Sasuke’s hand flew to his chokuto discreetly. He turned around. Was he so out of it thinking about Naruto that he hadn’t noticed someone approach him?
A guy in his thirties was leaning against one of the homes that lined the alleyway, long brown hair pulled into a low pony-tail. His clothes were simple and battered down, the clothes of someone who should want money.
“You’ll want something else,” Sasuke replied eventually, hand sliding off the sword now, not deeming him a threat: the man had no chakra.
“You’re right about that,” the guy observed him for a second before stepping out of the shadows, a smirk spread across his face. “But maybe you’ll want it too.”
***
Sasuke woke up disorientated. His mouth was dry and his neck ached. The darkness of the room made it so that it took him a moment to adjust to where he was. Konoha. Of course. Not in some memory that had snuck its way onto his sleeping subconscious: Sasuke was in his living room in Konoha, and someone was knocking on his door.
Why would I dream of him now?
Sasuke got up, sluggish. He opened the door, expecting Naruto, but one shock came after the other. He wasn’t alone.
“… You’re here too,” Sasuke stated, confronted with an arms-crossed-in-front-of-his-puffed-up-chest-Iruka standing in the doorway.
Despite the headstrong look, however, Iruka looked slightly dishevelled, and his eyes hid days-long unattended-to tiredness. Sasuke looked at Naruto, who gave him an apologetic, defeated look.
“Come in,” Sasuke gestured eventually, moving aside.
Iruka walked in first, freely perusing around the rooms, measuring them up and down with his eyes as if there was much to examine. There wasn’t. Sasuke wondered what this was about.
“Sorry,” Naruto whispered, stepping inside. “He insisted,” he managed to get out before Iruka turned to face them again.
“So, Sasuke,” Iruka was now watching him intently with an expression Sasuke hadn’t seen on him since they were kids in the Academy, all those years ago. “You and Naruto have been seeing each other.” No, come to think of it, Iruka wore that same face when he was annoyed at Kakashi.
Sasuke glanced at Naruto by his side, who was visibly embarrassed. He… told him about us? Sasuke wondered if that was meaningful. But then again, Naruto probably told everyone about everything. It didn’t have to mean they were a big deal.
Sasuke looked back at Iruka. “Yes.”
Iruka narrowed his eyes, no doubt unhappy with the curtness of Sasuke’s response. “And your intentions are…?”
“My… intentions?” Sasuke repeated. So that’s what this is? A ‘you’re dating my son’ moment?
Naruto intervened, gesturing with his arms. “Iruka-sensei, that’s enough, this is not what I brought you for —”.
But Iruka disregarded him, addressing Sasuke only, and Naruto helplessly stood down. “Yes, your intentions. You invited Naruto over for a movie, correct?”
“Correct…” Sasuke agreed, watching the blond facepalm out of the corner of his eye.
“And?” Iruka raised his eyebrows, “Was that all it was? A movie?”
Sasuke looked at Naruto again who, in turn, was now watching him sheepishly. Was it just for a movie? Ever since the day of the Hyuuga meeting, Sasuke was being extra careful not to make things between them move too fast. He had already chastised himself over and over for that day’s actions.
The blowjob… it had been stupid. Senseless, even. Completely unlike him. Maybe not the sexual-favours-in-the-broom-closet-part, that was pretty normal, if not the standard. But the lack of control? That, Sasuke thought, was definitely not standard.
That day, Sasuke had only intended to ask Naruto if he had changed his mind. He had locked the door to make sure they didn’t get interrupted talking, because lately Shikamaru seemed to be everywhere Naruto was within minutes. Not that Sasuke was watching him, or anything.
But then Naruto reassured him it wasn’t the case. He said he was thinking of him everyday, and once Sasuke caught a glimpse into how stressed he really was, once Sasuke saw how much it was building up inside of him… Sasuke found himself imagining the tension sliding off of Naruto’s shoulders, his body relaxing, his mind clearing, and he was consumed by the desire to make it happen. Sasuke had never struggled with keeping his hands to himself, but this time… his mind was wandering. To what Naruto would look like. To what Naruto would taste like.
And then Naruto glanced at the clock.
For Sasuke, it was an affront. A challenge. It was petty, in retrospect, but he didn’t like that Naruto could find it in himself to be distracted while Sasuke was incapable of thinking about anything else other than having him. Then, it became a little bit about proving to himself that he could do it, that he could hold Naruto’s attention so much that it would consume all of his thoughts too. And when Naruto taunted him, fingers sliding under Sasuke’s shirt, his voice melting under the weak protests he could still manage over the urgency of meeting, his eyes wet with a plea that said the complete opposite of his words… It was the last drop.
So, yes, sure. If Sasuke was being honest, on a purely objective standpoint, were there be no space for nuance whatsoever: it was killing him. All those days spent together without crossing the boundaries they had crossed before… Sasuke wanted more. And he wasn’t stupid. He could tell Naruto was impatient, too. But that was, unfortunately, all the more reason to take it slow.
Sasuke knew Naruto: he was sure he wasn’t thinking it through. He was sure he wanted to jump into it, and that only later would he process things. But Sasuke didn’t want that, he didn’t want messy and uncertain. He wanted Naruto to take his time. He wanted Naruto to make sure he knew what he was feeling, that it wasn’t all just some temporary physical confusion, that the shift in dynamic wouldn’t be so sudden that it pushed them apart. So Sasuke thought he ought to be patient. He would do things right. There was nothing wrong with hanging out normally, anyway: he enjoyed just being with Naruto.
Still, when the blond suggested coming over, eager, pouty, fingers trailing Sasuke’s bare skin incessantly, Sasuke thought it might not be such a bad idea to let things move along a bit more. He thought maybe it’s been long enough, and that it was what Naruto wanted, too. Were Sasuke to be honest, again, when all is said and done, he thought about the blowjob in the cleaning cupboard more than he cared to admit. He thought about Naruto’s fullness, his smell clinging to Sasuke’s lips as he imagined himself doing a million other things to him, things Sasuke had never wanted so badly to do to anyone before, much less have anyone do to him.
Of course, he didn’t say that. It wasn’t really ‘meet the parents’ appropriate.
“Yes,” Sasuke finally replied, “just a movie.” He signalled towards the stack of DVDs he had rented out earlier that evening.
Iruka followed his gaze. “Very well,” he nodded, “then you won’t mind if I stick around,” and with that, he walked towards the couch, sitting square in the middle.
Naruto’s jaw dropped. Sasuke would have been lightly amused by the whole thing were it not for the ache in his neck reminding him of the dream he’d been having. Iruka held a strong resemblance to him.
Brown hair, brown eyes, looking down at him.
“I’ll make us some tea,” Sasuke offered, walking towards the kitchen. Maybe it was for the best: those memories were already spoiling his evening.
Naruto followed suit. He stood with his back to the counter, stealing nervous glances at Iruka who was reading the backs of the DVDs while Sasuke filled a kettle with water from the sink and placed it on the stove to boil. Eventually, however, Iruka got up, excusing himself to use the bathroom. Naruto made sure he was gone before grabbing Sasuke by the arm and taking him outside to the balcony.
“I’m really sorry,” he blurted out as he closed the sliding door. “Things aren’t good for him at home with Ayame. They spent the whole dinner barely speaking to each other, and when they did say something it was always, like, very passive aggressive. He offered to walk me here, said he wanted to say hi to you. I thought it would be a nice distraction but… I didn’t expect him to do all this.”
“Naruto, it’s ok,” Sasuke assured him patiently. He thought Iruka did look slightly off. That explained things, to a degree.
“Not really,” Naruto pouted, upset by the intrusion. “But I’d feel bad telling him to leave.”
‘Do you get off on that?’
“I could tell him,” Sasuke joked, mindlessly running a hand through his neck.
‘Maybe we should find out.’
Naruto chuckled. They were both quiet before he spoke again. “You’re wearing a tank top,” Naruto observed.
Sasuke looked down at himself, just now realising it. He did have only a white undershirt on, which he supposed Naruto wasn’t wrong for pointing out with surprise since he usually covered up his arm more.
“The apartment gets hot,” he explained.
“Oh. Well, it looks nice,” Naruto offered.
Sasuke leaned back on the railing. “It’s just a tank top, usuratonkachi.”
“Eh,” Naruto shrugged, eyes never leaving him. “You seem weird,” he continued after second thought. “Is it Iruka? It’s Iruka, isn’t it?”
Sasuke cracked his neck: it was killing him.
A whisper and the taste of iron, followed by shortness of breath.
The overwhelming smell of alcohol.
“I thought I looked nice?” he said spitefully, trying to cover up the unsettling sensation still in his stomach from the memory he’d dreamt about.
‘There’s no boundary I won’t cross. Isn’t that what you want?’
Naruto rolled his eyes. “The shirt looks nice, you look weird,” he shifted closer, “and don’t change the subject,” Naruto quipped back at him.
“I’m fine, and it’s not Iruka,” Sasuke replied, kneading his fingers over the side of his neck. “It’s just my neck. I nodded off before you got here and I think I twisted it or something.”
“Are you not sleeping well at night again? You’re not usually one for napping,” Naruto’s hand was suddenly taking over for Sasuke’s, fingertips pressing down along the tendon. “Does this help?”
Sasuke caught his eyes. Soft. A safe place. He thought his dream might have spoiled the evening, but Naruto’s proximity didn’t feel threatening or triggering. Instead, Sasuke wanted to be close to him, kiss him. Maybe it’s ok to…
But Iruka was suddenly on the other side of the window, tapping obnoxiously on the glass and pointing to the boiling water.
“This isn’t happening,” Naruto lamented quietly, head falling down in desperation.
Sasuke chuckled. “Oh, but it is.”
***
“They were fine,” Iruka was saying, hunched over, half hugging a pillow, half pointing at the screen. “They were in love. Why did he have to come ruin everything?”
Sasuke exchanged looks with Naruto, who was melting onto the couch sitting on the other side of Iruka.
Yes, even after they returned from the balcony, Iruka had insisted on sitting in between them. Naruto had grumpily plopped onto the right end of the couch without a word, which Sasuke thought was cute.
But, sometime during the runtime of the movie, it seemed as tho the Academy teacher had forgotten the real reason he was there. Sasuke didn’t exactly understand what was going on, but he couldn’t help but feel Iruka was projecting: he was a little too passionate about the main character’s struggle.
“If she likes him back, isn’t it also on her?” Sasuke shrugged.
Iruka looked sharply at him, and Sasuke regretted saying anything in the first place. He didn’t even really care: the only reason he’d rented lighthearted romcoms that would be easy to watch was because his plan hadn’t been to actually watch them.
After that, neither Sasuke nor Naruto attempted to say anything else. Iruka continued vilifying the new love interest, muttering ‘that’s stupid,’ to himself over and over when it became clear they were gonna end up together. Eventually, he wore himself out and, by the time the movie was over, he was sleeping against Naruto’s shoulder, arms still wrapped around the pillow he had grabbed early on.
Naruto carefully slid out from under him as Sasuke got up to stop the credits rolling and flick out the lights. They glanced at each other and quietly stepped out into the balcony again.
“He doesn’t look so terrifying now,” Sasuke joked. They both had their backs to the railing and were watching Iruka from afar through the glass.
“What should we do with him?” Naruto didn’t think it was that funny. He seemed more conflicted over Iruka’s state of mind than anything else.
“Let him sleep,” Sasuke said more seriously now. “It looks like he needs it.”
Naruto sighed heavily. “Yeah, I don’t think he’s been resting properly at home.”
“Has he gotten the couch treatment?” Sasuke asked.
“I think so,” Naruto assented.
“Huh.” Sasuke hadn’t expected it to be that bad. “You know, some people choose the couch even when given another choice,” he teased, attempting to bring Naruto out of his downcast mood. “Tho I wouldn’t know why.”
It worked. “Oh, shut up,” a smile broke across Naruto’s face. “I was trying to be respectful.”
Sasuke scoffed. He didn’t see how sleeping on the same bed immediately led to disrespect, but he gave Naruto a pass due to the circumstances.
“Movie sessions don’t go too well for us, do they?” Sasuke started. “The first time we watched something you fell asleep within five minutes, now our old academy teacher crashes in…”
“Hey,” Naruto frowned, “I was tired that time. I came straight from a mission.”
“A stupid decision,” Sasuke said, matter-of-fact.
“Whatever, I hadn’t seen you in a long time…” Naruto mumbled.
“Two weeks after three years is not so long,” Sasuke teased, eased by the familiarity of their bickering. “Do you miss me that easily, usuratonkachi?”
“Whatever,” Naruto said again. “So what if I do?”
Unbridled honesty, as always. Sasuke thought he should give some back.
“I missed you too,” he said after a beat.
He felt Naruto glance at him, surprised at the admission. Sasuke thought it was sad, that Naruto did not expect something like that from him. He thought he ought to do better at showing he cared. Naruto deserved to know: not to wonder, not to question, to know.
“While I was gone, those three years,” he continued. “And the two weeks you were away on that mission, just after I’d arrived,” Sasuke was surprised himself at how much it didn’t cost him to say it. It even felt good to speak about it out loud. “I missed you the week leading up to the Hyuuga hearing, too,” he finished, because it was true, he had missed him. Terribly.
For the first time maybe, ever, Naruto didn’t seem to know how to reply. He flushed harder than Sasuke had ever seen him flush, looked away, and then looked back.
“You uh… said yes, before. When Iruka asked if we were seeing each other,” Naruto shifted in place, nervous about approaching the subject.
Sasuke could sense it. He leaned off the railing and stepped in front of him. “I’m always seeing you, usuratonkachi,” he said, playfully flickering his sharingan on and off.
Naruto chuckled a little, but he looked more solemn than usual in the silence that settled. Tentatively, he reached forwards, resting his hands on Sasuke’s hips to pull him towards himself. Sasuke let him, hoping he could keep his cool, act like it wasn’t a big deal: they had done so much more after all, he had done so much more. There was no reason to be freaking out over this. No reason to feel butterflies in his stomach. Yet he did.
“Go out with me,” Naruto whispered quietly. To Sasuke, it came as a surprise: both the request, and the tone. Naruto’s eyes had never looked so sincere. “Properly.”
“Properly,” Sasuke repeated, his sarcasm a reflex mechanism. “As opposed to what we’ve been doing, which has been improper.”
Naruto looked down. “No, but… I’ve just been… worried,” he started. “Well, not worried. Wondering, I guess. I wasn’t sure if you wanted to date me or…” he looked back up at Sasuke, watching for a reaction, but there was none. “You know… if we’re just… doing stuff, like the other week, or, uh, in a… if this is gonna be… exclusive.”
Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him. There were times when Naruto’s lack of awareness was entertaining, cute, even. This was not one of those times. “You thought I’d be willing to share?”
Naruto grimaced. “That’s not what I meant.”
Sasuke felt him tense up, readjust his grip. He wanted to step closer to Naruto, but didn’t. There were many little intimacies Sasuke didn’t allow himself, tho he could not explain exactly why.
“It’s just that,” Naruto continued, eyes flickering on and off of Sasuke’s face, “with the way you talked about the other guys you’ve been with… I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t sure if you’d just want that with me, too.”
The mention of his past almost made Sasuke recoil.
‘Come find me next time you’re in town.’
This is nothing like that, Sasuke thought. His neck ached again.
“Do you?” Naruto added tentatively.
Maybe Sasuke did know why he didn’t allow himself all the closeness he wanted. In the night, against the village lights in the background, blond hair tousled by the breeze, Naruto looked like he belonged. Sasuke would never have thought he would be here with him, like this. Sasuke never thought he could belong there too. Was it alright to be this free? This happy?
“No.” Of course not. “This is different.” That felt like the understatement of the century.
“Different.” Naruto repeated slowly. Then tentatively: “Good… different?”
How can he not know? It’s him. It’s me. It’s us. “Good different,” Sasuke agreed.
“Not just…” Naruto swallowed, “not just broom closet stuff?”
Sasuke almost laughed. “Not just broom closet stuff.”
Naruto tried to hold it back from showing on his face, but the giddiness couldn’t help but escape through his smile. It was endearing.
“Maybe also balcony stuff,” Sasuke added jokingly, this time stepping a little closer.
Naruto shook his head, smiling. “Come on, I’m trying to be serious here.”
“I can tell,” Sasuke nodded, clearly not attempting to take him seriously.
Naruto searched for Sasuke’s hand, looking up with fake innocence. “So… you do want to. Date, I mean.”
“If the right person asks, I’d consider it,” Sasuke teased, watching his every movement.
Naruto rolled his eyes at the same time as he interlaced their fingers. Yes, Sasuke thought, definitely good different.
“Jerk,” Naruto continued, “I’m asking.”
“What’s the question again?” Sasuke smirked.
“You’re enjoying this too much,” Naruto pulled Sasuke even closer towards him with his free hand. “The question is will you go out with me?”
“How conventional,” Sasuke smirked. But upon seeing the frown on Naruto’s face, he continued. “Yes, Naruto. I’ll go out with you. Satisfied?”
Naruto nodded. “Very.” And then his gaze fell. “Well. Maybe on second thought…”
Naruto’s kiss was sweet, not deep or breathtaking, but a soft and playful thing Sasuke had never experienced before. It shouldn’t be possible, but every time they kissed Sasuke discovered some different way of feeling. He opened his eyes, checking involuntarily for the reality of it all, and saw that Naruto was still smiling, as if he had been doing it the whole time.
“Not yet,” Naruto tilted his head the other way and kissed him again, this time deepening it, hand drifting to hold Sasuke’s face. “Ok. Now,” He said after a couple more pecks, but showed no signs of actually intending to stop.
“Stupid…” Sasuke muttered, disarmed by the gentleness, which he was not used to.
“Mhmh,” Naruto now seemed contented with just watching him, “I already know.”
Sasuke was unsure of how to sit in the silence that followed. Could love like this be real? Or else, could someone really love him like that? It was so different from what he’d had before. Naruto’s love wasn’t just familiar or sexual it was… something else entirely, too.
Sasuke brought his hand up to Naruto’s arm, fingers running over his skin and finally holding on just above his elbow. He was real. This was real. He would have kissed him again to make sure, but Sasuke was finding that he had a hard time initiating kissing Naruto. It felt… difficult, when it was something he had not allowed of himself for so long. To be close, in general. But also, to be close to him, in particular. Was it really ok to want that? To have that with someone he really cared about?
Naruto sighed loudly, looking past him at Iruka on the couch. “I should probably take him home,” he said, the regret painstakingly obvious on his face. “Things with Ayame will only get worse if he spends the night out or comes back late by himself.”
Sasuke removed his hand and nodded. He’d spent the night making a valiant effort at wrangling his mind back from the alleyways and dingy rooms of his time away from Konoha. He was here now: learning to settle into the proximity he had created with Naruto. Except he felt like he was failing terribly at it. He felt like he was here and there, sometimes close to the present, sometimes far away in the past.
‘I should probably take him home,’ Naruto had said. Yes. That was probably for the best.
***
“A date,” Sasuke said it less like a question than he intended to. The previous night, he’d dreamt about him again: twisted words and images of a past he wished to forget.
Naruto nodded. “Mhmh. Y’know, that thing that usually comes with dating.”
No, Sasuke didn’t know. He held back on saying that.
Naruto had shown up at his place a couple days after the movie fiasco. He was wearing a button up short-sleeved shirt in a light blue pattern, and Naruto never wore anything with buttons. But the real shocker were his shoes: trainers, instead of the sliders he always donned now that it was summer. He also had a picnic basket on him, which he was swinging around as he waited for Sasuke to get ready.
“It’s top secret. And a little far, so take comfy clothes. But not too far,” he added. “Iruka-sensei told me about this place and —” Naruto blabbered on from the living room, and Sasuke couldn’t help but think, he’s serious about this.
Dating, being taken on dates, that was not something Sasuke had ever done. He had not been expecting it from Naruto either. Sure, of course Sasuke wanted to spend time with him. Lots of it. All of it, perhaps. But he wouldn’t exactly frame that as going out on dates: wasn’t that for people who didn’t know each other? Ask stupid questions, make small talk, lie about who you are until you figure out if you actually like the other person and are willing to let them see you?
“Sas’?” Naruto called out to him, waiting in the doorway of the bathroom as Sasuke brushed his teeth.
“Hm?” Sasuke spat out the toothpaste. He’d been spacing out.
“You don’t seem excited,” Naruto said when Sasuke turned to him.
“No, usuratonkachi. I’m excited. I can’t wait to see this top secret place Iruka told you about that’s far but not too far,” Sasuke replied playfully, walking past him to the bedroom in search of his blue hoodie with white sleeves.
Naruto moved to the bedroom doorway. “I feel like you’re joking around.”
Where is it? Ah. Found it. “I’m not joking around,” Sasuke grabbed it and made his way to the living room.
“This is important,” Naruto said with a frown, stepping in front of him, not letting him pass. “It’s our first date.”
Sasuke smirked. “So important,” he agreed with a trace of sarcasm.
In reality, even if the whole dating thing was unusual for him, he thought it was cute that Naruto cared so much about something so trivial. Were Sasuke to buy into it: was it really their first date anyways? Maybe only officially.
“Asshole,” Naruto muttered. “I woke up really early for this you know.”
Sasuke rolled his eyes. “It’s 9 in the morning, Naruto.” He finally walked past the blond into the living room.
“Well, I’ve been up since 6!” Naruto turned around, grumpy.
Sasuke scoffed. “For what reason?”
But Naruto didn’t seem to want to give anything away. “… Shut up and put your shoes on. You’re pissing me off already and I wanna be in a good mood.”
***
What was supposed to be a long, blissful walk to the bird sanctuary turned into a competitive race across the forest.
“You keep calling me slow but I’m having to wait for you now,” Naruto teased, slowing down to run backwards from tree branch to tree branch alongside Sasuke.
“That’s cause I don’t know where I’m going,” Sasuke grinned. “I’m following you, usuratonkachi.”
“Oh, you can’t tell? I thought Uchiha Sasuke knew all of the Land of Fire by now, after so many years away,” Naruto exaggerated on purpose. “Maybe you’re not that great a shinobi,” he teased.
“Maybe,” Sasuke sped up to get closer to Naruto, disappearing from his left side and appearing by his right. “I’m good at other things tho, as you might recall,” he whispered in his ear.
Sasuke could tell Naruto was startled by the provocation. He staggered a bit before composing himself.
“Aren’t you the Yellow Flash’s son? Keep up, Uzumaki.” Sasuke added before taking off ahead of him.
***
“You made us go the wrong way for an hour,” Naruto complained, but he was out-of-breath and smiling as he unfolded the red picnic blanket he’d brought and placed it over the grass.
After chasing each other around the forest, they had eventually wound up at the wetlands. ‘We’re here!’ Naruto had announced gleefully, pushing past the reeds and revealing an area of sprawling marshlands, to Sasuke’s surprise. And it was a good surprise.
“I thought you were faster than me?” Sasuke faked his innocence. “You should have just gone ahead,” he sat down, satisfied.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Naruto joined him, shuffling close. “Now I’m starving,” he added, going through the basket and taking out bundles of food.
Sasuke watched as he brought out sandwiches wrapped in foil, a thermos, juice, fruit, cake, and little charcuterie elements like ham and cheese and olives. The food was simple enough, but what surprised Sasuke the most was the care with which everything was packed: there were little frog toothpicks for the small pieces, two colourful glasses, hell, even the napkins were cute. Naruto laid everything out neatly in front of them while humming a song to himself, a contented expression on his face.
The shirt, the thoughtfully picked out location, the picnic blanket, the food prepared ahead of time… was Naruto… making an effort?
“What?” Sasuke heard Naruto say when he turned towards him.
“Nothing,” Sasuke muttered. “You…” he searched Naruto’s eyes. The blond looked genuinely happy. “This looks good. Thank you for preparing it.”
Naruto blushed hard and looked away, one hand scratching at the back of his neck. “Ah, it’s nothing special. Just some snacks I put together.”
Even if that was the case, the simplicity didn’t matter: Sasuke felt strangely taken care of. The feeling sat with him, strange and wild, while they ate. Naruto chattered away distractedly about the food and the sanctuary. The air smelled of summer, and the breeze that swept through was cool because of all the marshland. It all felt so… peaceful. Normal. Was that what Naruto wanted? Was Sasuke capable of it?
“I hope we actually get to see some cool birds tho,” Naruto was saying. “Hey, Sas’, do you have a favourite bird?”
Sasuke looked at him. “Probably hawks.”
Naruto looked thoughtful. “I figured. What about your favourite color?”
“It depends. Maybe… blue,” Sasuke settled on, thinking of Naruto’s eyes. “What’s with all the favourite questions?” He drank from the thermos: lemon balm. His favourite, too.
Naruto shrugged. “I’unno. Isn’t that what people ask about on dates?”
“Is it?” Sasuke teased, tilting his head back in the sun. “I had other ideas.”
Naruto blushed violently again, and Sasuke chuckled.
“I was… pretty bummed about having to leave early the other night,” Naruto said eventually, coughing a little to fix his voice.
Even if Naruto drilled onto the topic, his nervousness every time Sasuke teased him about something sexual didn’t go unnoticed. Sasuke decided to swerve the topic momentarily.
“What’s the deal with Iruka and Ayame anyway?” He looked back at him, “things seemed to get… personal, with the movie.”
Naruto’s mood instantly shifted: he looked thoughtful and worried rather than embarrassed.
“I’m not sure,” he leaned back on his arms. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but… I think it’s Kakashi.”
Kakashi? “What’s he got to do with this?” Sasuke asked. He hadn’t been expecting that answer. “Is Iruka working late too often because of him?” That seemed like the typical thing that could put a dent on a marriage, tho it wouldn’t explain Iruka’s bizarre behaviour during the movie.
Naruto shifted uncomfortably. “No… I think…” then he glanced up at Sasuke, “you can’t tell anybody about this,” he started.
“Who would I even tell?” Sasuke had a point.
“… You know how Kakashi… flirts, with Iruka-sensei. Like, a lot?” Naruto continued.
Sasuke shrugged. “I don’t really pay attention to that.” And he didn’t.
“Well,” Naruto said, matter-of-fact, “he does.”
“I doubt he means anything by it,” Sasuke shrugged. “It’s Kakashi. Plus, isn’t he with Yamato?”
Naruto nodded. “That’s what I thought, too. But, even if he doesn’t mean it…”
“Has Ayame picked up on it?” Sasuke completed his thought.
“Not exactly… But… I think it’s getting to Iruka-sensei,” Naruto blurted out.
Getting to Iruka? That, Sasuke wasn’t expecting. “You’re kidding,” he said with disbelief.
Naruto shook his head no. “And I think… well, during the dinner, Ayame kind of hinted at…” Naruto swallowed, suddenly looking a little embarrassed again. “I could be wrong, she wasn’t very explicit or anything, but it kind of seemed like, for a while now, Iruka-sensei hasn’t been very…”
“They’re not fucking?” Sasuke chastised himself for his bluntness only when he realised it could circle back to their own situation.
“That,” Naruto nodded.
“Huh,” Sasuke didn’t really care about the ins and outs of Iruka’s sexual relationships, but the situation didn’t sound great.
“Yeah,” Naruto seemed to agree.
Sasuke attempted to move on from the mental image. “Does Kakashi know?”
Naruto sighed, following along. “No, I don’t think so. Iruka-sensei won’t even admit it to himself, he’d die before letting Kakashi know he’s actually affecting him.”
“Classic gay denial,” Sasuke noted.
“I think it’s more like… Kakashi denial,” Naruto seemed to be taking the situation very seriously.
“That I can understand,” Sasuke replied, making Naruto smile a little. Time for an abrupt tone shift, I suppose. “Speaking of,” he added more carefully, “I’ve been thinking…”
“Uh oh,” Naruto joked, putting olives into his mouth.
“That’s my line,” Sasuke followed along lightheartedly, intending to balance what he was going to say next. “I’m just wondering how you’ve been… processing the whole… gay thing.”
Naruto shrugged. “I don’t really care. If Iruka’s gay that’s fine by me, I just wish he wasn’t gay for Kakashi, y’know,” he added with a grimace. “I’ve read the dude’s porn and it’s not pretty.”
Sasuke stared at him, at a loss for words. Eventually, Naruto realised the silence and looked up.
“What?”
“I meant you, dumbass.” Sasuke couldn’t believe he had to clarify it. “Obviously.”
Naruto finally got it. He chuckled, a little embarrassed at the misunderstanding. “Ah, my bad,” he scratched his cheek, and then seemed a little thoughtful. “Well, I don’t know,” he finally settled on. “I haven’t really given it much thought. Gay, straight, bi, whatever. I know I like you, and that’s enough.”
Sasuke waited for something else. But Naruto didn’t have anything more to say. “That’s it?”
“Yeah,” Naruto replied, untroubled. “Why, does that bother you?” He added, now seemingly a little more concerned.
“I mean, no.” Sasuke was sure he looked like an idiot fumbling for words. “I just thought that it might… bother you.”
“Actually…” Naruto put down his glass, and his expression became serious. “Actually it might bother me a little.” He leaned forwards, placing his hands on the floor, boxing Sasuke in with arms. “We might have to like, kiss, a lot, for me to get used to it.” He pushed his face up, the tip of his nose nestling with Sasuke’s. “Help me out, Sasuke, please. I’m really struggling with my sexuality.”
Sasuke turned away, swatting Naruto’s face down with his hand. “Shut up. Idiot.” Here he was, worried, when Naruto took this with such levity.
The edges of Naruto’s mouth crinkled up in a smile, but he soon regained his overtly dramatic act. “No, Sasuke I’m serious, this is a terminal decease.” He brought his face up again. “I’m going to die if I don’t figure this out. Let’s get some practice in while I’m still alive —”
“Get off me,” Sasuke pushed him away again, secretly enjoying Naruto’s stupidity.
Naruto finally let a mischievous grin come through. He contented himself with resting his head on Sasuke’s lap. Sasuke watched him lay there comfortably, staring back at him with a smile, the feeling of their newfound freedom around each other finally sinking in. Before, Sasuke had always felt the need to be rigid around Naruto, steal glances and touches whenever they were given or allowed, whenever it was safe. But it was no longer like that. It was ok to touch Naruto, to reach towards him, right? It was ok to…
“Oh, shit. Don’t move!” Naruto stuffed a hand down the pocket of his denim shorts, looking for something.
Sasuke felt something had landed on his shoulders. A bird, from the way the claws gripped around his hoodie. “What bird is it?” He asked, following Naruto’s instructions.
Naruto didn’t immediately reply: he pulled out a small device and pointed it up at Sasuke’s face. It made a small clicking sound before Sasuke realised what it was: a camera.
“A hawk, I think. He posed for us and everything,” Naruto said with a smile. “Nerd out all you want,” he added.
Sasuke slowly tilted his head to look. The bird didn’t seem startled by anything, and Naruto was right: it was a hawk. Tentatively, Sasuke brought up his hand, offering his arm as a perch instead. The hawk took it, nestling himself comfortably on his forearm before finally flying off.
“You brought a camera?” Sasuke asked Naruto. “I’ve never seen one so small,” he noted.
Naruto smiled again. “Yeah. It’s a new thing, apparently. You take like 30 photos on it and then you toss it out. But it’s pretty easy to work, you just kinda point and shoot,” he showed Sasuke the button with his hands. “I thought it would be nice to have some memories of today,” Naruto added bashfully, “y’know, so we could look back at them, later.”
Sasuke watched him quietly once more. Later. Look back. A future, like this, with Naruto. Remembering him like that: pink cheeks, starry eyes, surrounded by green and blue and the red and white stripes of the picnic blanket, happy, in the sunlight.
“Can I?” he held out his hand, and Naruto passed him the camera.
Sasuke snapped a photo of him back and thought, maybe I can do normal.
***
The rest of the day went by in a flurry: they walked around spotting birds and taking pictures of them as well as of each other. Naruto listened while Sasuke told him what species they were coming across and as he listed interesting facts about them. Of course, they also discussed random things passionately and got on each others nerves.
Naruto ended up chasing frogs, jumping into the water and running across the mud with no concern for the state of his clothes. Sasuke watched him from dry land nonetheless, saying ‘yes, that one’s so cool,’ but also ‘gross, it’s way too bumpy’ when it was pertinent.
When they got to the village, the sun still in the sky, Sasuke asked, “Why don’t we go to your flat today? We always hang out at my place.”
“Oh,” Naruto seemed surprised he’d suggested it. “I thought you preferred that.”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Why?”
Naruto shrugged. “My place’s tiny. Your stuff’s better, like, the kitchen and the tv. I don’t even have a couch.”
Sasuke could see where he was coming from. “I like your place. It’s cozy.” He glanced down at the cobblestones, bloodless, as they walked. “Besides, it’s kinda cool, too.”
Even tho he wasn’t looking at him, Sasuke could feel the puppy energy radiating from Naruto. “You think my place’s cool?”
Sasuke rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide a smirk. “Alright, alright, yes,” he shrugged. “It feels more like… a home.”
And so it was decided.
“Home, sweet home,” Naruto declared as they walked in, kicking off his muddy shoes and placing down the basket. “I’m beat,” he added, leaning against the table and watching Sasuke undo his own trainers by the entrance.
“That’s what you get for running around chasing frogs like crazy all day,” Sasuke replied, gravitating towards him naturally. “You need a shower,” he noted, swiping some mud away from Naruto’s cheek with his fingers with rough but attentive affection.
“I know,” Naruto said, dragging Sasuke closer towards him and kissing him.
Sasuke complied with no resistance, hand resting on Naruto’s chest. He had been wanting to kiss him all day. Sasuke felt Naruto exhale against his skin, as if he had also been waiting to do it it the whole time. They kissed slowly, tongues gliding against each other, exploring the rhythms and sensations they liked. Sasuke nipped gently at Naruto’s lower lip and Naruto’s hands wandered, as they often did when they kissed, this time up Sasuke’s back.
It occurred to Sasuke that this was the first time they kissed in the daylight. Before, whenever they’d been together like that, it was always at night: the festival, the academy, the balcony… Even if you counted the incident before the Hyuuga meeting, which had technically been during the day, the cleaning cupboard was dark. But kissing like that, surrounded by the vivid greens and browns of Naruto’s apartment, opening his eyes briefly and seeing everything… it felt freeing and daunting at the same time.
Their kisses were long, but they weren’t exactly building into a breathless haze like the last time they had properly made out in the academy. Instead, they were steady, patient, unconcerned with leading anywhere or to anything but the moment. It was… intimate, Sasuke thought. A vulnerable, open intimacy Sasuke had never had with anyone.
Naruto drew back a little and burrowed his head into the crook of Sasuke’s neck, squeezing him tightly against himself and inhaling deeply. Sasuke hugged him back, lacing his arm around Naruto’s shoulders. He could have stayed like that forever.
That was, until Naruto began planting kisses on his neck, pecks that turned into more daring things. “Shower with me,” Naruto whispered, voice muffled, continuing to lay kisses and little pretend bites all over Sasuke’s neck.
So much for not leading to anything, Sasuke thought. The suddenness of the request had turned him on: Naruto’s voice was soft with a velvety desire. Showering together? It was a scary thought: Sasuke had never done that with anyone. Being naked during sex was different, tho he and Naruto hadn’t exactly done it yet, and Sasuke had been clothed for what they did do. But showering? With the lights and the undressing so plainly in front of each other? Thinking about being naked in that setting, it sounded like such a vulnerable thing. Sasuke thought he would feel exposed.
He must have been quiet for a long time, because Naruto stopped kissing him and looked up. “Sorry, that’s probably not… I shouldn’t have said that,” he flushed as if he had gotten carried away by his fantasies and the moment. “You don’t have to,” Naruto added. “I’ll just shower quickly by myself.”
It was scary. But, fuck. “No,” Sasuke looked Naruto in the eyes. “I want to.”
***
“As I took off
my clothes I,
watched him taking
his own off. The sound
of rain was for
once not the sound
of wind shaking
the rain steadily loose
from a stand
of river birch. It’s hard
to believe in them,
the beautiful colors
of extinction; but
these are the colors.” *
It was nothing and everything like Sasuke expected. Naruto had stepped into the shower first, dirty clothes tossed into the hamper, yelping when the water, still cold, hit his shoulders.
Sasuke took longer to get undressed. Usually he would have chastised Naruto for his impatience, told him something like, “Wait for it to get warm,” but Sasuke remained quiet as he folded his pants and put them aside.
He avoided the mirror, which always showed him unkind renditions of himself. Or maybe it was the other way around. It didn’t matter. For one evening, Sasuke wanted to believe there was nothing wrong with him. He wanted to believe the version of himself that Naruto saw, because he had to see something oh so different from what Sasuke did in order to feel the way he did about him.
Naruto might have been impatient with the water, but he was, always and always and always, patient with Sasuke. He waited for him to be ready to get in, and when he was, Naruto held out his hand and pulled Sasuke under the rain-head with a far-off smile.
“Heh, bangs,” Naruto commented affectionately, pushing Sasuke’s hair, now heavy with water, away from his eyes. Then he picked up Sasuke’s hand again examining it carefully, turning it around in his. “Sword callus?” He asked, running his thumb over Sasuke’s palm, maybe noticing it for the first time.
“Mhm,” Sasuke nodded.
Then Naruto brought Sasuke’s hand up to his face, kissing it tenderly, running his lips over the skin, eventually interlacing their fingers together. It was like Naruto had eyes for nothing else.
“You’re looking at me like that again,” Naruto said softly, now staring up at Sasuke. “Sometimes you give me this look...” he explained.
“You’re so… gentle,” Sasuke heard himself say with genuine confusion. He didn’t mean to be so honest.
Naruto furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?” To him it was as simple as breathing: he didn’t know he was doing it, he knew no other way of being, of loving. But Sasuke had known many others. “Is that a bad thing?”
“No,” Sasuke swallowed, “of course not. Never mind.”
Naruto watched him. “Sasuke, I care about you,” he said, almost sternly, as if it was of utmost importance to make it clear, almost as if he knew there was something Sasuke wasn’t saying.
“I know,” Sasuke nodded, his voice weak.
And he did know, theoretically. But Sasuke was quickly finding that in practice, he didn’t have a clue what that actually looked like. He stared down at their hands amongst the water. He felt the featherlight fingertips Naruto was so gingerly brushing through the side of his stomach, too. How could this body, his body, Sasuke’s, that Naruto so wholly seemed to be capable of loving in its entirety, be the same body Sasuke inhabited everyday?
Naruto let go of his hand to bring it to Sasuke’s chin, tilting it towards him. “Do you?”
Naruto was beautiful, golden skin and golden hair made softer through the steam accumulating in the room. He was beautiful, always, but also, so much more now, in that moment that was only for them. Sasuke felt like Naruto was starting to be his in a way he’d never known was possible before. He wasn’t sure what to do with that type of intimacy.
Naruto’s question went unanswered. In fact, they said very little else while they showered: words weren’t needed.
Sasuke went first: Naruto’s body was sturdy. Sasuke felt it unabashedly underneath his fingertips as he washed him, unsurprised by his 3-in-1 shampoo bottle. First, his chest, then along his shoulders, and down his arms. He could feel Naruto watching him with a flame in his eyes, a similar intensity he had once held in Uzushiogakure when he’d pulled him into the river. Sasuke took his time soaping Naruto and diligently washing the mud off of his hair. Naruto giggled, ticklish, when Sasuke made a pass at his armpits.
Eventually, he returned the favour with equal care, scrubbing Sasuke’s back first and sneaking in kisses before moving onto another area when he was done. As he soaped him up, Sasuke noticed Naruto was doing that face of utmost concentration: lips ever so slightly pursed, honed in eyes. It was endearing. Sasuke felt like he could swallow him whole.
Once they were done scrubbing each other, Sasuke leaned his head on Naruto’s collarbone, the warm current running over them, liquid threads of life and light binding them together. Naruto gave Sasuke’s shoulder water laden kisses, hands trailing up and down his lower back. It was relaxing: Sasuke wasn’t exactly sure he had ever felt so relaxed. So safe. He could feel himself almost drifting away.
“Ready to hop out?” Naruto asked, sensing it too.
By the time they were getting into bed, Naruto was giggly. Sasuke himself felt like he was floating, the warm lighting from Naruto’s nightstand enveloping them in a dream-like state of pinks and oranges.
They had dried off and Naruto was now wearing pyjamas with a ramen print. He’d given Sasuke some silly ones as well with little foxes all over them, telling him they were his softest ever. Naruto was right: they were very soft.
Whether or not Sasuke was going to stay over hadn’t been a question, nor was it discussed. Instead, they had simply changed into comfortable clothes and climbed into Naruto’s tiny bed.
“Don’t get used to this,” Sasuke told him as Naruto interlaced their legs together under the sheets. “We should just sleep at my place from now on. One of us is going to fall over during the night,” he sighed, but Naruto looked like a little kid, a goofy grin Sasuke couldn’t resist spread on his face.
“I won’t let ya’ fall,” Naruto replied, cozying up to him.
Sasuke was putting on a front. It was crammed in the bed, but he actually felt super cozy. He let Naruto wrap his arms around him, their foreheads touching.
“Hey, Sas’,” Naruto started, eager as always, “what did you think when you first saw me, when you got back to the village?”
Sasuke didn’t need to think, nor did he need to filter his words. “That you were different,” he replied.
“Different?” Naruto asked, unsure if that was a good thing.
“Mhm,” Sasuke obliged. “Older.”
“You thought I looked… old?” Naruto seemed disappointed at the clarification.
Sasuke scoffed. “Not like that, dummy. Just… more mature, I suppose.”
“Ohh,” Naruto thought about it, his voice dissolving into a silly laugh, “ohoh, handsome, eh?” he perked up.
Sasuke grinned. “Sure. Handsome,” he agreed, allowing Naruto that truth since he didn’t often allow him much.
“I thought you looked the same as before,” Naruto beamed, offering without being asked.
“Hah,” Sasuke smiled again. He couldn’t help himself. “I doubt that, usuratonkachi.”
But Naruto nodded vehemently, the covers riding all the way up to his chin. “I did. Well, now I don’t anymore. But, the first time I saw you, I did,” he added.
Sasuke nestled closer to him, “What do I look like now?”
Naruto also didn’t need much time to come up with an answer. “Soft,” he said. Sasuke swallowed. “Hey, Sas’?” Naruto said again, his expression growing serious now.
“Hm?”
“I wanted to say… I’m in love with you, too.” Naruto’s eyes were wide, almost fox-like, when he said it. “You told me, back at the lounge but I… I think I hadn’t said it to you yet.”
Sasuke smiled for the millionth time that evening. Naruto didn’t need to tell him, he had shown him: Sasuke already knew.