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Bruce made sure to keep a smile firmly plastered on his face while under the weight of hundreds of avid eyes and the blinding light of the lamps in the studio. He also had used his vast willpower to keep from rolling his eyes or even burst out laughing on more than one occasion.
With the ridiculous nonsense spurting out of Tony's mouth, it was either laughter or getting pretty damn pissed.
Currently, the idiot was talking about their first official date. He was painting a very vivid picture, talking about his favorite private yacht and the romantic dinner they shared with nothing but the deep blue sea around them, some candles, and the light of a full moon illuminating the night.
It sounded so nice and idyllic that Bruce almost wished it were true.
Sure, there had been a yacht trip back when they first started seeing each other as more than friends, except it had been nothing like what Tony was describing. In fact, it had been the farthest thing from what a date was supposed to be like.
Their real first date took place in Tony's workshop. There had been no candles or even a table involved since they ended up sitting on the floor in clothes stained with grease and sweat as they shared Chinese takeout and a couple of imported beers. Not very glamorous for two eccentric billionaires, Bruce thought dryly.
They hadn't even known at that moment that it was a date. The revelation came much, much later, taking them both by surprise.
Bruce was pulled out of his thoughts just in time to hear Tony had moved on to talk about oysters and his first-hand testing of its properties as an aphrodisiac. Oh boy. He gave Tony's hand a quick tight squeeze in warning. Tony winked at him in response and masterfully turned the conversation around without anyone noticing.
The questions about Bruce's feelings on having a 'superhero boyfriend' and what his thoughts were on the group Tony was part of and 'his team' had been the first asked- just like they had in every interview Bruce had to endure in the last few weeks since Tony 'accidentally' let the press catch them in a compromising position.
It had been bound to happen, Bruce knew that. With the number of press that followed each of them, the chances of getting caught by a lucky paparazzo were extremely high, but that didn't change the fact it had been Tony's fault when it finally did- and a lot sooner than Bruce had hoped.
Tony had been in the doghouse for a bit after that, and it looked like he had learned his lesson well enough. Who said you couldn't teach an old dog new tricks?
But back to the interview thing and the dumb and repetitive questions, this was not Bruce's first rodeo, so he answered each question promptly: dismay, fascination, and a hint of suggestiveness blending flawlessly into his words and expression as he talked. Tony had loved it, naturally, and so had the audience if their reactions were any indication.
Frankly, it was a little disturbing to see just how invested people were in someone else's private life, though, sadly, it was no longer a surprise. The show's host was certainly a perfect example of that.
Valerie Davenport, a former reporter in charge of the most 'important' celebrity coverage and now the host of Gotham's most popular talk show. She was a beautiful blonde with sharp green eyes and scantily dressed. She was loud, intrusive, and nosy, and always at the edge of her seat as she attacked them with question after question. She kept touching Tony's leg and arm playfully, all while winking and grinning at Bruce like they were long-time friends.
Bruce already knew her and her grabby hands, so he had been all too happy to let Tony take the chair closest to her.
They had been here already for over twenty minutes, and Bruce was still trying to recall exactly how Tony convinced him to come in the first place. He must have been concussed at the time. Or, most likely, Tony took advantage of his exhaustion after patrol or a round of particularly good sex. Both options sounded equally plausible.
After a little back-and-forth, Bruce even agreed reluctantly to let Tony run the show for the most part. This was Tony's first formal interview in Gotham after their relationship was made public, and well, he was Tony. He loved all the attention even more than Bruce's public persona supposedly did, so, for the most part, he just went along with what Tony said, adding small bits here and there, and stepping in when he went too far, smoothly turning things around.
All in all, Bruce had to admit it hadn't been too bad so far.
The last round of applause began to fade, and, for the first time since the interview started, Valerie's expression was solemn- or as solemn as any gossip reporter's could be. She leaned back in her dark blue armchair and took a moment to meet their eyes before speaking.
"Now, I have to ask the obligatory question here in Gotham." Most of the audience fell silent, though a few stray whispers could still be heard. "What's your opinion on the Batman?"
Bruce saw out of the corner of his eyes the second Tony's eyebrow went up, so he hurried to speak before he did. "Please! Do we really need to talk about that nut job?"
The blonde's eyes lit up, but before she could say anything, Tony spoke.
"I don't know, sweet cheeks. I think he's kinda hot."
The host stared at Tony in open-mouthed shock while the public went absolutely wild in response.
Bruce let go of Tony's hand before he even finished speaking and bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to taste blood in an attempt to stop himself from demanding what the hell Tony thought he was doing. Reminding himself of where he was also helped and prevented the murderous look that wanted to emerge.
This was nothing more than a local show, but if he broke character or made a scene the video would circulate around the web in a matter of minutes. Then again, with the shocking declaration Tony made just now, the video was bound to be everywhere no matter what he did now.
Fuck the internet and the obsessive fans of celebrity couples. They even had a name for them. Truce. It was total rubbish.
Bruce forced himself back to the here and now. The public was still screaming like crazy, and their host continued to be speechless, so he turned to Tony with a frown on his face. "You find a criminal who likes to dress up as a giant bat -someone with plenty of mental issues, I'm sure- hot?"
Tony waved a dismissive hand. "Come on! With all of the fighting that guy does, I'm sure there's a very hot body hidden under all that black latex. Or whatever the hell his suit is made of."
Bruce noticed out of the corner of his eye how Valerie leaned forward in her seat, finally recovering from her shock. She remained silent, gleaming eyes fixed on them, and a smile tucked at the corner of her mouth. There was no doubt in Bruce's mind that having the newest and most popular couple of the moment -as told by several websites and polls, at least according to Tony- fighting on her show would be a huge success for her.
Yeah. That was not going to happen. They were going to discuss things properly in private, well away from the cameras and all these nosy people. For now, they would keep the act up.
"Oh please," Bruce scoffed without missing a beat. "As if there weren't hundreds- thousands of attractive people with good bodies all over and without the mental issues that man has."
The public's reaction was immediate. Bruce couldn't hear what some of them were shouting, but by the look on their faces, he could see a good number of people were in agreement while the rest looked angry and even offended. The latter reaction was kind of nice, actually.
Valerie seemed to have forgotten her role as host in all of this. She was content to just sit there and watch them with morbid fascination. Bruce couldn't find it in himself to blame her. Normal couples surely didn't have such bizarre arguments, much less in front of an audience.
"What can I say? I think there's some appeal to the whole dark and dangerous act," Tony admitted with an easy shrug and a smirk, leaning back in his seat."Mental issues or not."
Bruce stared at him for a moment. Alright, then. Two could play this game.
"Really? That's creepy. Why on earth would you even think about a criminal like him in that way?" Bruce asked, nose slightly scrunched up in disgust. "Personally, I find more appeal in the idea of showing a great time to someone who may be a little naive on such matters. Someone good and nice," he added with a coy little smile.
Tony's smile faltered for a blink as the audience roared, but there was a mischievous spark in his brown eyes when they met Bruce's.
"I'm sure Cap will be simply delighted to know Bruce Wayne has naughty fantasies that endanger his oh-so-well-preserved virtue," Tony declared with a shit-eating grin.
Bruce blinked, honestly startled this time. "What? I never said anything about Captain America."
"You didn't have to, darling," Tony answered quickly. "You described 'America's Greatest Hero' to a t in just a few words."
Bruce imagined Steve's reaction when someone -most likely Tony- told him about this or even showed him the video. At least the soldier was already aware of Tony's strange sense of humor and his big mouth. Hopefully, that would keep things from turning too awkward the next time they meet face to face.
It wasn't easy, but he managed to keep his reaction hidden.
"I was speaking in broad terms, Tony," Bruce explained, a wry smile on his face. "I wasn't thinking about superheroes or anyone in particular."
Tony stared at him for a moment. "You know, it's pretty obvious you have a very specific fantasy going on here, cupcake, and I'm deeply saddened to see I don't fit in it."
Bruce pretended to ponder that. "I don't know. It seems a little pointless to have fantasies about something or someone you already have, don't you think?"
"Guess we'll have to agree to disagree, Brucie-dear."
Bruce met Tony's blinding grin and gleaming eyes and didn't bother to hold back a small fond smile of his own.
The real meaning of Tony's words was known only to them, any outsider oblivious to the real conversation that just took place.
He recognized Tony's intentions before the other man closed the distance between them, one of his hands sneaking around Bruce's neck as he brought their lips together. Bruce wasn't particularly fond of public displays of affection, but he kissed him back anyway, his palm coming to rest on Tony's chest, and the tip of his fingers brushing against the curve of the arc reactor under his clothes.
It wasn't a fleeting kiss -Tony made sure of that- but neither was it one of their hungriest, most passionate kisses. Not that Bruce was complaining, really. Tony had the uncanny ability to turn even the simplest of touches into something electrifying. An ability Bruce greatly enjoyed.
The sound of cheering and even a couple of ear-piercing-whistles eventually pulled Bruce out of the pleasurable haze and back to the here and now. He let the kiss go on for a few more seconds before reluctantly breaking contact. Bruce remained close, his eyes meeting Tony's dark gaze before he leaned forward to let their lips brush one more time before he pulled away entirely.
Bruce didn't have to look at Tony's face to know the other man was grinning from ear to ear, reveling in the cheers and all the attention.
"I'm sorry, Val," Tony said, with no hint of regret in his tone or his smug expression. "Brucie and I can get carried away sometimes."
"I think we all noticed that, didn't we, darlings?" The audience answered promptly to the blonde's words, shouts of agreement and laughter filling the studio.
Tony laced their fingers together, his brown eyes meeting Bruce's as he slowly brought their joined hands to his lips.
Bruce barely held back an eye roll in response to Tony's transparent actions and the crowd's immediate and predictable response. Even the host, who seconds before had been eager to see them fight, was charmed by the simple gesture. And, despite himself, Bruce's answering smile wasn't entirely fake.
"Now, I'm sure I'm not the only one here amazed by the easy way you two just danced around such a problematic subject," Valerie said, seeming to finally remember her role and taking the reins once more. "I mean, If I ever shared with my boyfriend the fantasies I have about his gorgeous blue-eyed coworker, I can tell you with absolute certainty that our talk wouldn't end in a kiss.
"So, tell me, Tony. Doesn't it bother you even a little that your boyfriend has fantasies about your quite hot teammate?"
"Oh please!" Tony dismissed. "Have you seen the Cap? Like really, really see him? That man sure knows how to flaunt that ridiculous blue spandex suit. Anyone with eyes would want to tap that."
The crowd's reaction was almost deafening, hoots and shouts filling the place. Bruce didn't glare at Tony, but it was a near thing. Really, who the hell said things like that when their lover was right there?
"Even you?" The blonde asked eagerly.
Tony made a dramatic pause. "I would, if the Cap wasn't such a prude. And straight. And if I didn't have Brucie, of course," he added with a charming smile and a wink.
Bruce kept a smile on his face even as he squeezed Tony's hand a little too tightly.
It looked like Valerie was planning to follow that line of question, but then at the last second she turned to Bruce with a fake smile. "Now Brucie. Your dislike for the Bat is quite clear, so how do you feel after hearing Tony's thoughts?"
He furrowed his brows slightly as he pretended to consider the question. "It's unnerving, to be honest. I never would have guessed Tony had such thoughts about that man." He eyed Tony, who offered him an unrepentant grin. "But it's nothing more than a fantasy, so it's not really a big deal to me."
Bruce turned to look at Tony, a dark eyebrow arched. "You're not planning to go out in the middle of the night to look for the Bat, are you, pumpkin?"
"Tempting, tempting, but no. I'm quite happy right where I am."
"Good," Bruce replied, answering Tony's flirtatious smile with a smug little smirk of his own.
"I can't! I just can't!" Valerie exclaimed with an almost maniac smile on her face. "You two are just perfect for each other."
The smiles they shared then were just a touch more genuine.
Less than a minute later, Bruce was reminded once again why it was a bad idea to relax when there was an audience in front of Tony Stark.
"Oh! I think we just found this year's Halloween costumes, Brucie-bear," Tony announced gleefully. "I can even borrow Cap's suit for a little bit. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."
Bruce glared at him openly. Not a heated glare, of course, because Brucie Wayne didn't do that kind of thing, but more of an annoyed glare that could very well be explained by his dislike for the Bat, among other things.
Everyone was watching him, eagerly waiting for his response. Bruce paid them no attention, focusing instead on Tony and that stupid charming smile of his that had mostly stopped working on him by now. Goddammit.
Tony could use whatever ridiculous outfit he wanted and parade around like an idiot, but there was no way in hell Bruce was putting on one of those silly Batman costumes with padded muscle and spandex. No. Just no. Tony would be very disappointed if he truly expected him to do that.
Bruce eyed the man at his side, a dark eyebrow arched. "I don't know, pumpkin. Do you think it will fit?"
Tony's blinding smile faltered for a beat, but he recovered quickly, smile coming back to full wattage when he asked, "Is there something you'd like to tell me, sweet cheeks?"
"What?" Bruce gave him a puzzled look. "Steve is taller than you, right? So I imagine his suit would be too big for you," he explained plainly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Tony was too surprised to react, and Bruce had to bite his lip so he wouldn't burst out laughing, unlike some of the people in the audience.
"Don't you worry your pretty little head about that. I'm sure I will look dashing in the Cap's suit," Tony countered with a bright smile. "And you know, it's a real shame we don't know who the Bat is, 'cause I have no doubt you can fill that suit of his real nice, Bruce-bear."
Bruce squirmed a little in his seat when Tony gave him a once over, his dark eyes straying to certain places for longer than it was polite. Honestly, he wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed by this whole thing. It was sadly a very common dilemma when you had to deal with Tony Stark.
"Flattery will get you nowhere." Tony arched a single dark eyebrow. "Probably," Bruce added with a flirty smile.
Tony's eyes light up. "Oooh. I like the sound of that."
Of course you do, he thought, holding back a fond eye roll.
Bruce wondered, not for the first time, when exactly dealing with Tony Stark and all his antics had become fun instead of the annoyance they should be. It was probably a coping mechanism developed because Bruce insisted on keeping the idiot around.
He couldn't say he regretted it. At least not yet.