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A Badass Amusement Park Comedy

Summary:

Badass Temple and Dosuitare Hompo spend a very normal day at an amusement park.

Notes:

I have had this half-written in my huge WIP folder for this series for way too long so here it finally is - this was written before that anime episode where they were at an amusement park because wow did the anime have alot ideas that I had before 😭 not that I won't still work on them though so I might just be finishing those off as well and letting them run free into the world

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Hitoya held the cotton candy Kuko and Jyushi had left with him as he waited for the lot to return. Rei sat down beside him, taking up 80% of the bench by manspreading and covering the back of it with his arms and coat. The other two adults present with them were out acting like teenagers too.

Sasara knew he could do it. He could win the plushies Rosho was eying for sure! That goofy looking squid? That’d be right there on Rosho’s couch. Everytime Sasara would come by (or break in with a spare key), he would ask Rosho who got him that and of course, Rosho would have to admit it’s him.

Rosho was a distance away from him talking to Jyushi, this was the perfect chance to show off his game skills! Sasara grabbed the toy gun and aimed right at the target for the plushies. As soon as he was sure he had the best sight of the target, he fired.

BANG!

He hit it right on the mark, right? It was the perfect shot! The only one he needed, and… nevermind, he missed it by a lot. He still had 4 more bullets, all hope wasn’t lost yet. Shot, after shot, he kept missing.

“Oi Sasara! Whatcha got here?” As Sasara was about to fire the last bullet, he felt a powerful smack on his back which almost sent him off his feet. “Oh a shootin’ game! I wanna play!” Kuko snatched Sasara's gun from his hands and fired it without much thought. It was gone, his last chance to impress his best friend! Sasara turned away before he could see the result of the bullet.

“Alright! I got it!” Sasara immediately turned around, surprised. That careless shot actually worked?! Kuko chose a pig plushie from the selection and threw it at Jyushi’s head without warning. Jyushi fell to the ground holding the big plushie in his arms.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"That's for ya. Be grateful." Kuko crossed his arms and smiled as Rosho helped Jyushi get back on his feet. Sasara grimaced and tried to find a simpler game he could actually win at. He finally found one, a game where he’d just have to answer true or false questions, simple enough! He’d played this game enough on his variety shows anyways.

This time, the one who interrupted him was none other than Rosho himself! “Hey Rosho, you should step back and let me do this for you, no?”

“C’mon! This could be a good competition for us!” Sasara in fact knew what the outcome would be. Rosho won, being the huge trivia nerd between the two of them. Rosho won 3 free ride tickets and a small snail plushie which he handed over to Sasara.

Sasara looked at the plushie and sighed. “I feel just as slow as you, buddy.”

Hitoya spotted a promising building and had a plan. “Hey! You lot! Let’s go over there.” The haunted house was the perfect attraction to watch your friends shiver in fear! Kuko was the only one excited to go in there. Sasara and Rosho seemed to have some sort of cursed past surrounding the paranormal and well, Jyushi may sing about ghosts and monsters but he was deathly afraid of them. Rei made some excuse to sit out.

“Hey, aren’t you gonna do anything here?” Hitoya asked him.

“Not at all, I’m letting you kids have your fun without an old man like me holding you back” Rei was able to take over more of the bench now that Hitoya had gotten up. It was like his arms and heavy coat had engulfed the bench at this point. This man was a strange, lost cause.

After a lot of literal pushing and shoving, the five made it to the front of the haunted house. “Y’know Jyushi, the weirdos from Fling Posse have sung about murders happening in places like this…” Kuko whispered ominously.

Jyushi screeched and Hitoya smacked Kuko on the head. “Save it for when we get inside the house, Kuko.”

“Great idea!” Kuko snickered.

Rosho immediately held onto his phone to use as a flashlight as he walked into the haunted house. As they got inside, Kuko noticed something, or maybe someone. “I feel bad energy from this place”

“WHAT?!” Jyushi held onto Kuko’s sleeve with all of the strength he had.

“Be careful, Jyushi”

“You’re just joking, right? That has to be it!”

“Not at all, this place doesn’t feel right.” Kuko grew more serious which was even visible in the darkness of the haunted house.

After a while, Jyushi’s voice felt hoarse and scratchy from the amount of yelling he’d done already, halfway through the place. Rosho only squeezed Sasara’s shoulders from behind him more, not that Sasara himself was very brave to the frights of this place. He was getting flashbacks to the past already. Kuko was only having fun laughing at the prop blood and fake limbs.

Hitoya lingered behind the group of duos and simply enjoyed the decorations and how hard the costumed staff had worked on scaring those scaredy-cats. None of these cheap jumpscares would faze him though.

The end was near, they could finally see a bit of light at the end of this very long tunnel. Hitoya was hoping to experience at least one fright which could make him as scared as the guys in front of him. Maybe he would get more scared if he were up front like how Kuko had forced Jyushi to be but the back was the best way to make sure he had an eye on all of them.

“Hitoya?” Hitoya would’ve shot up if not for the hands on his shoulders. Everyone turned around to see what had happened to the bravest soul of all. “What a surprise to see you here today” 

Hitoya knew who it was, that goddamn deep voice would’ve caught his attention on even the most crowded streets. “Why are you here, Jakurai?” Hitoya turned around, hearing Kuko snickering and the other three greeting the doctor with respect despite their shaky voices.

“A friend of mine needed help with the haunted house so I volunteered. I see you are accompanied by those from your division and Sasara’s as well?”

“That makes sense I suppose, good scare.” Hitoya turned back around out of the house, his heart still leaping out of his chest from the fright. He got what he asked for. Jyushi sat down on the same bench Rei was at to catch a breath. Kuko came running over as well.

“Jyushi, that guy is super shifty!”

“You’re calling me shifty? I wouldn’t blame you for saying that but y’know, I have a son your age and he acts like a total gentleman around an old man like me.” Rei said condescendingly.

“Be nice, Rei!” Sasara pat Rei on the back and sighed.

“You alright though, kid?” Rei asked Jyushi. “You’re hyperventilating a bit.”

Kuko smacked Jyushi on the back. “Jyushi’s fine! Just give him a slap on the back and he’s good, look he’s already up and running!” Rosho and Jyushi had located the souvenir shop - the one thing that two scaredy-cats could put their fears aside for. There were cute plushies of the park’s mascot characters and colorful mugs with the logo on them. Jyushi was also interested in the pretty necklaces and stationery at the store.

Hitoya pulled out his wallet. “Want anything, Kuko?”

“Nah, I’m good. Let’s find somethin’ to do next!” Just as Kuko took a step forward, his rumbling stomach forced him to take a step back. “Buy me food, Hitoya”

Hitoya laughed. “Yeah, I think we all need to eat.” They gathered the rest of the group and looked through the extensive, expensive, menu. There was popcorn of every color and drinks flavored with any fruit that was possible to acquire. Most of it was themed around the vibrant colors of the park and its mascots with rice buns shaped like them and dumplings with the mascot’s faces on them. The price tags on everything only made Hitoya regret revealing his wallet. He’d only be paying for the kids - the adults could pay for themselves.

Kuko had ordered spicy gyoza and Jyushi had gotten a sundae. What opposites. “Hey, Jyushi! Try some of this!”

Jyushi grabbed one and analyzed it cynically. “Are you sure? I feel like it will be too much-” Kuko pushed one into his mouth “Come on! This is a part of your training!” Jyushi quickly ate the food and… it wasn’t that bad! He had never been one for spicy food and yet, this was just fine! It couldn’t compare to that nightmarish, tar-like ramen Kuko had forced him and Hitoya to eat that one time.

The members of Dosuitare Hompo were still unsure about what to order. Sasara would decide on something only for Rosho to judge him for it, followed by Rei’s short quips on the pair’s indecisiveness. Maybe Badass Temple was the closest division. Even if Kuko almost decked Jyushi in the face yesterday.

Finally wanting to make the reason for this trip known, Kuko slammed the table with both of his hands and stood up with a mischievous grin plastered on his face. Hitoya sighed and kept eating his oddly-colored churro, paying no mind to what Kuko would say next. “Alright y'all, we gotta go on that massive rollercoaster now!”

“What!?” “Why would you do that after eating?” “No thanks,” “Not the best idea, kid.”

Kuko groaned and sat back down. “C’mon! You adults aren’t any fun! Let’s go, Jyushi!” Linking arms with the anxious boy, Kuko dragged Jyushi towards the biggest coaster he could see - ‘The Phantom Plummet’. The ride had many, many loops and drops that could almost break the laws of physics! Maybe some high spirits too.

Jyushi protested as much as he could but it was only inevitable that he’d be faced with defeat. There would be a day where he could finally graduate his training but today was not that day. His body wouldn’t be the only thing plummeting.

The two buckled up and Jyushi held his breath. Kuko was kicking his feet and shaking with joy. The ride finally started and their cart started moving. There were a few short drops, nothing to scream or shout over until the cart started crawling higher and higher with no sign of stopping.

“Kuko! Kuko! Kuko, we’re going to fall!” Jyushi urgently shook Kuko’s shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s the point. I can’t wait!” The cart stood at the very top of the drop to build suspense. Jyushi closed his eyes… 3, 2, 1, when he opened his eyes again the cart still hadn’t fallen until, nothing? There was no way that the cart would start moving as soon as he opened his eyes, that would be stupid- “AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!” “LET’S FUCKING GO!!!!!!” The wind flew right past the carts and the momentum fueled them for a series of loops and turns until finally, the ride was over.

Jyushi sat slumped over the restraints holding him to the seat while Kuko laughed maniacally. “Kuko… please drag me out of here… I don’t think my legs will work…”

“That was so damn awesome! Let’s go tell those boring adults about how sick this ride was!” Over the loud sounds of Jyushi’s weeping, Kuko retold their journey through the track as if it were some epic of brave adventurers fighting a dragon.

The six finally rounded off their amusement park trip with the giant ferris wheel standing tall in the middle of the park. Rosho and Jyushi went in one cart and Kuko and Sasara in another leaving Hitoya to ride with Rei. The two men tried not to make any eye contact despite the proximity.

“Amaguni, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Those kids of yours-” “Weird way to phrase that”

Rei chuckled. “They’re quite a mess, aren’t they?”

“You could say that, they’re still smart boys despite everything you see.” Hitoya admitted. Something about talking to this uncle-like person just allowed him to spill how he was feeling. Wait. Was that-

Rei handed Hitoya a can of beer. “Want some?”

“How did you- How did you get this in? Alcohol isn’t allowed in the park…”

“Let’s keep this a secret between us. Don’t sue me, alright?”

Jyushi and Rosho kept quiet for the duration of the ride, just enjoying the beautiful views in front of them. Seeing the park’s lights flicker on as the sun dipped over the horizon from such a high place calmed them after their active day. The rollercoaster and the food discourse had taken alot out of the serene duo.

Meanwhile, Kuko and Sasara’s cart was full of laughter and shenanigans. Kuko had attempted to open the cart to taste the open air while Sasara tried his best to restrain him without getting scratched by his sharp nails. He tried to calm Kuko down with one of his stellar puns which actually worked for once! Finally, someone could appreciate his excellent wordplay! And of course the person to do it was his old friend, Kuko.

As the ferris wheel ride came to an end, the group split into their respective divisions and they headed back to their homes. Kuko sighed contentedly with his fellow unit-mates. “Wasn’t that just the best day ever?”

“Yup! That was really fun!” Jyushi nodded and hugged the large pig plushie Kuko had won for him. “Did you enjoy yourself too, Hitoya?”

Hitoya shoved his hands in his pockets and looked for his keys there. “Well, I guess so, yeah.” He put the keys right back in his pocket after he located them, he wouldn’t let Kuko snatch them this time.

Notes:

I looked up alot of japanese amusement park food for this and damn, they're so cute! If you're ever just feeling hungry and want to look at some food - there you go.

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