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Heeseung wasn’t a model student. He had good grades, perfect attendance and excelled on the subjects he liked, but didn’t care enough to put effort into the rest. He only payed attention in class and did the bare minimum on assignments, but that was enough for a gifted 14-year-old like him.
Gifted. Many people said he was gifted, but something didn’t sit right with him. Despite a certain sense of pride that came with the word, Heeseung felt like he didn’t really deserve it sometimes — he barely put effort into anything and felt easily bored with almost everything he tried to do. But maybe that was the thing about being gifted, it didn’t depend on his efforts.
However, even for someone like him, school was just too much sometimes. It was the second semester of the year; the final exams of last semester had taken him almost below the average score and as if that wasn’t enough, this semester’s mid-terms didn’t go well either. He’d been stressed with it all, but procrastination always came easier than actually sitting down and studying for the tests that were the source of his anxiety, and that’s how he had ended up in that situation.
For the first time in his life, he felt that paying attention in class wasn’t enough anymore. Final exams were still two months away and there were only regular tests on sight, but if he didn’t do something soon, he might not have enough time to save his grades.
It was a Monday when this realization started to kick in; a Tuesday when he decided to do something about it. In total, there were three tests that week — one on Thursday and two on Friday. He attempted to have an intense study session late at night in his room that day, but ended up coming to the conclusion that there was too much content to fit in only 2-3 days before the tests. Even if he managed to focus and study all the content to one of the subjects, there was no way he could do the same for the other two. He would have to sacrifice something, but his grades couldn’t afford that.
As they say, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Heeseung had never cheated before. Not only he never felt the need to, it went against his morals and he was a boy of principles! He always said he would rather get a bad grade than cheat on a test and he was committed to it. But this… This was a different situation — an exception. As an exception, it shouldn’t compromise his morals, right? If only he had more time, he would certainly study and wouldn’t even think of resorting to this, but all his time was gone and he didn’t have any other options left. It was either this or risking his grades to the point of repeating that year entirely and that was out of the question.
He liked to think that if he let it slide this once, just this once, he would change and start putting effort into studying. He would be a better man (or a better teenager, that is) and never cheat again in his life.
He had made up his mind. All he needed was the technique now, but as someone who had never attempted to cheat in his life, it made him cold sweat just to think about it. He would need help.
There was a boy in his school known for being the cheating master of his class. He was 2 years younger than Heeseung, but was very popular amongst the whole school, although Heeseung had never met him. Apparently, he taught other kids how to cheat, helped them, sold cheat sheets and somehow managed to get away with it every time. All the teachers loved him and seemed to have a soft spot for him, like everyone else, so no one was sure if he was truly that good at cheating or if teachers were willing to let his bad behavior slide. Maybe a bit of both.
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It was a Wednesday — one day left for the first test. At school, he talked to Beomgyu, his closest (and only) friend, knowing that he had been a personal client of the cheating master before, and so Beomgyu took him to meet the boy himself.
During lunch break, they stood outside his classroom, waiting for him.
As the students came out, Beomgyu seemed to spot someone. “Sunoo!” He called.
“Hyung, hi!” A short boy turned to Beomgyu and walked in their direction, stopping right in front of them.
For a moment, Heeseung was confused. That must be another one of Beomgyu’s friends, because he certainly didn’t look like a cheating master; in fact, he didn’t look like someone who cheated at all.
“How are things going?” Beomgyu continued.
“As usual. Boring assignments here and there, but fine,” he rolled his eyes a little. “Do you need something?”
“Yeah, my friend here needs a favor.” Beomgyu gestured toward Heeseung and Sunoo seemed to finally realize he was there.
“Oh, hi! I’m Sunoo,” the boy said with a blinding smile.
So that really was the cheating master? It’s not like Heeseung expected someone who looked like an actual illicit dealer at the age of 12, but he definitely wasn’t expecting someone who looked so… cute, for lack of a better term.
It was no wonder he was never caught. From the innocent look on his face, Heeseung would have never imagined him doing anything wrong at all.
“I’m Heeseung,” he introduced himself, suddenly feeling a little shy.
“So, what do you need?”
“I, uh…” Heeseung glanced at Beomgyu, who gave him an encouraging look. Sunoo seemed to be nice and probably heard this all the time, it shouldn’t be this hard to ask for it. “I need help to cheat on a test,” Heeseung spoke in a lower voice, feeling like some sort of criminal buying illegal items in a dark alley. “More than one, actually.”
“How many?”
“Three.”
“Alright. Do your teachers allow cheat sheets?” Sunoo asked casually, like this was a normal part of the process for him.
“Uh, not these.”
“Hm…” Sunoo brought a hand to his chin, seeming to be deep in thought. He looked around and turned back to Heeseung. “Here is not a good place to talk, come with me.”
Heeseung looked at Beomgyu with a questioning look, but his friend only pointed at Sunoo with his head and started walking behind the boy, not leaving him any option but to follow.
Sunoo led them to an empty classroom at the end of a hallway on the second floor, in a remote part of the school. Most classrooms that weren’t being used would stay locked, but Sunoo seemed to be sure this one wouldn’t be. They entered and he closed the door behind them, going to the other side of the room and taking a peek through the windows before coming back to sit on top of the teacher’s desk.
“Nobody comes to this room, we’re safe here,” Sunoo said. “Go on, take a seat.” He gestured at the other desks.
“Okay…” Heeseung sat on the chair of the desk right in front of Sunoo as Beomgyu chose to sit on top of the desk beside his.
“It’s your first time cheating, right?” He asked with an amused expression.
“Yeah…” Heeseung felt a little embarrassed, although he always took pride in never having cheated. How did you know? he wanted to ask, but Sunoo continued before he could.
“Here’s the thing: I don’t think cheat sheets would work for you, since it’s hard to hide them from the teachers and, besides, I’d have to look into your content to make you one, which is a lot of work. In cases like yours, I would usually sit by your side on the day of the test and then we’d exchange tests so I could do yours, but since you’re in a different class, you could try doing that with Beomgyu-hyung.”
“Beomgyu?” Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows. “Beomgyu can barely do his own tests.”
“Hey, I’m not doing that bad!” Beomgyu defended himself. “And I’m not the one desperate enough to cheat this time.”
“Okay, I know. But I’m not sure if you’re doing well enough to help me,” Heeseung turned to his friend.
“I could try.” He shrugged.
“We have three tests this week, do you think you can help me with all of them?”
“Uh…” Beomgyu didn’t seem so sure now.
Sunoo cleared his throat and the two turned to him again. “I have an idea, if you two allow me,” he said, and they gave him a nod. “This is gonna take a bit of studying as well, but if you’re as desperate as I think, it might be the best option. You clearly don’t have enough time to study all the content, so why don’t you two split it and each one will focus on one part instead? That way you can both do your own and each other’s tests without having to go through everything.”
“That’s… a pretty good idea,” Beomgyu agreed.
“Yeah… But how can we exchange the tests without letting the teacher see it?” Heeseung asked.
“Oh, that’s a matter of timing and technique. I can give you a few tips. The most important part is that you two sit next to each other,” Sunoo explained with the smug expression of an expert.
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And so, with a plan in mind and a list of tips from the cheating master himself, Heeseung and Beomgyu went through with the scheme. They split the content from the three tests and focused on studying only their part.
Putting the plan into practice, Heeseung was very nervous at first. When the teacher turned around and he moved to exchange his test with Beomgyu’s, the paper fell from his hand for an instant, but thankfully his friend was fast enough to catch it.
On the second, the teacher got distracted easily, so it didn’t feel as much of a challenge and they managed to finish it faster than expected.
By the third test, Heeseung was feeling almost used to it, but the anxiety and the possible consequences of being found remained in the back of his mind the entire time. At some point, he questioned whether he should just walk up to the teacher and expose himself, beg for forgiveness and wish she wouldn’t tell his parents about it, but that would mean exposing Beomgyu too and he couldn’t do that to him.
In the end, they successfully cheated on all three tests and, despite the guilt crushing his conscience, Heeseung felt somewhat satisfied knowing that his grades would turn out well.
This was the last time he cheated, he promised himself.
That Friday, after the last test was done, Heeseung walked out of his classroom alone to go home. Beomgyu had left before him, right after finishing the test, because he had “important things to do”, which Heeseung knew meant playing League of Legends for hours on end.
There were other students leaving their classes then and one of them caught his attention as he walked up to him.
“Hey, how did the tests go?” Sunoo asked.
Heeseung didn’t expect to talk to him again so soon.
“Pretty well, I think,” he replied and they continued to walk together along the crowd of students moving toward the exit. “By the way, are you not gonna charge us for the tips you gave us that day?”
“Nah, I wouldn’t charge Beomgyu-hyung for that, I barely had any work with you two. I guess I’d might charge if you needed cheat sheets or more complex solutions, but that wasn’t the case. Either way, if you need help again, you know where to find me!” Sunoo smiled.
“Thanks, but I don’t think I will,” Heeseung said, sounding unintentionally arrogant.
“Oh? Why are you so sure?” Sunoo raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t be offended, but cheating goes against my principles. I did it because I was desperate, but I have no intention to do it again.”
“Wait, you mean I lack principles?” He blinked twice and stopped on his tracks.
Heeseung stopped one step ahead and didn’t reply, not wanting to offend him, but also not being able to deny it.
They had reached the courtyard and stood in a spot away from other students.
“I see,” Sunoo continued with a smile, but his eyes weren’t so friendly anymore. “But don’t you think you’re being a little presumptuous here? You’re the one who asked for my help.”
How do you even know that word? Heeseung wanted to ask, but that was not the point of their discussion then.
“Yeah, but it was a one-time thing,” he said, turning to face him. “I don’t rely on it for my grades.”
Sunoo huffed and rolled his eyes. “Neither do I. Do you think I cheat because I need to?”
“Well, why do you do it, then?”
“Because it’s fun!” Sunoo said like it was the most obvious answer. “And we all know the school system isn’t really fair when it comes to grades, so why should we play fair? We all live stressed about it and they’re not even a good way to measure if we actually learned something!”
That was a good argument and Heeseung knew it, deep down, although he still disagreed and had his own reasons for it. He didn’t actually judge Sunoo for cheating — it would be ridiculous to do so, considering the boy had helped him with it. He hadn’t even meant to offend Sunoo and insinuate he didn’t have principles, he just wasn’t good at explaining himself and it wasn’t a rare occurrence for his words to come off harsher than what he intended. But now he was already too deep into the argument and didn’t have enough maturity to simply apologize, after all, his ego had also been hurt.
“Well, it’s not like I need to cheat either,” Heeseung stated, feeling defensive. “I could definitely get top grades without cheating if I wanted to!”
“You’re so good at talking, why don’t you go ahead and prove it?” Sunoo dared, raising his eyebrows and crossing his arms.
“And why don’t you prove it, since you only cheat ‘for fun’?” Heeseung scoffed doing air quotes.
“Okay, maybe I will,” the younger stared up at him with a glint in his eyes, seeming slightly enraged. Heeseung couldn’t help thinking it was a bit cute to see someone so small look so angry. A part of him was even enjoying this, if he was honest with himself. “Let’s do this: we’ll both take the final exams without cheating. Whoever gets the best score overall, wins.”
“Deal,” Heeseung immediately agreed. “But what do I get if I win?”
“What do you mean? You get good grades.”
“Well, yeah! But don’t you think there should be a prize for the winner? Or at least a penalty for the loser?”
Sunoo thought for a moment. “You’re right. What do you want, if you win?” He asked, subtly rolling his eyes at the last words.
Heeseung hadn’t thought about it. What could he want from Sunoo? He couldn’t imagine anything the boy could give him as a prize. He only knew that he enjoyed annoying Sunoo and watching him roll his eyes at him.
On second thought, maybe there was one thing he wanted from him.
“Admit you’re wrong.”
“What?” Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows.
“I want you to admit that you’re wrong, that cheating is wrong,” Heeseung explained.
“That’s so stupid. Why don’t you ask for me to buy you ice cream or something like a normal person?”
“You asked me what I wanted, I said it.” Heeseung shrugged. “What is it? Scared cause you know you’re gonna lose?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Ha, you wish!” Sunoo’s eyes gleamed and Heeseung could tell he was enjoying this too. “I’ll take it.”
“And what do you want?”
“I want you to buy me ice cream and admit that I was right and you were wrong.”
“Wait, that’s two things! I only asked for one.”
“That’s not my problem,” Sunoo retorted. “What is it? Scared cause you know you’re gonna lose?” He mocked with a mischievous smile.
Heeseung huffed. He knew the boy was just trying to annoy him, but he couldn’t deny it was working.
“Alright.” He offered his hand. “We have a deal, then?”
Sunoo looked down at his hand and then back at him, staring into his eyes. “Deal.” He firmly shook his hand, signing their verbal contract.
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Heeseung stood at the cafeteria having lunch with Beomgyu, sitting across from him. They occupied their usual spot in a large rectangular table, a few vacant seats around them, when Sunoo showed up behind Heeseung.
“So, how’s the studying going?” The younger asked, holding his tray.
It was a Tuesday, four days since their deal. Heeseung had barely touched his textbooks since then, but he wouldn’t admit it to his now rival.
“Why? Afraid I’m already ahead of you?” Heeseung raised an eyebrow.
“Quite the contrary, hyung. I’m afraid you might be falling too far behind me,” he said in fake pity voice.
That was the first time Sunoo called him hyung, but instead of sounding respectful, it felt sarcastic.
“What are you guys talking about?” Beomgyu asked.
“Heeseung-hyung didn’t tell you? We made a deal. Whoever gets the best score in the final exams without cheating, wins.”
“Ohh, I bet you’re winning this one, Sunoo.”
Betrayed by his own best friend, Heeseung thought.
“Dude! You should be on my side!” He exclaimed.
“I’m sorry, man. I just saying that because I know you and I know Sunoo has really good grades.”
“Because he cheats!”
“I already told you I do it for fun, not because I need it, though,” Sunoo reminded.
Heeseung rolled his eyes internally. “Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m gonna win this, anyway.”
“We’ll see about that, hyung,” the last word rolled off his tongue with a hint of mischief.
The boy was about to leave when Beomgyu spoke again.
“Wait, Sunoo. Wanna have lunch with us?”
Sunoo turned to face them again. “Um, I’m not sure. My friends…” he trailed off when he noticed Heeseung sending Beomgyu a glare. “You know what? Yeah, I think I’ll have lunch with you. Do you mind if bring my friends along?”
“No, not at all! Bring them all!” Beomgyu happily agreed.
Sunoo laid his tray on their table, left and came back a few seconds later with two other boys. Both seats beside Beomgyu were vacant, but Sunoo chose to sit right beside Heeseung while his friends sat together across from him, beside other boy.
The two — Jungwon and Riki — were very shy at first, but Beomgyu quickly got them to open up. They were cute, but not as cute as Sunoo, Heeseung caught himself thinking and dismissed the thought as fast as it came.
Later that day, Heeseung went to the library to start studying. After Sunoo had personally come to annoy him at lunch, he realized he couldn’t let his guard down. There were practically two months until final exams, but if he wanted to win this game, he would have to take it seriously and start soon.
He chose a seat far from the rest of the other students, although there weren’t many people around at that time. A few minutes into reading his textbook, he felt a presence behind him. It could just be a student that decided to sit on the table behind his, so he didn’t want to look, but whoever it was seemed to still be standing up and watching him, for some reason.
“That looks hard,” a familiar voice said.
Heeseung sighed and turned around.
“It is,” he replied, knowing Sunoo was referring to the content on the book. “What are you doing here?”
“What do you mean? I’m here to study. Isn’t that what people do at the library?” The younger retorted.
“You don’t look like you’re studying to me.”
“Calm down, I just got here.” He complained, taking the seat next to Heeseung’s and dropping his backpack on the next chair.
The younger opened his bag and started to take out some materials.
“What are you doing?” Heeseung furrowed his eyebrows.
“Studying,” Sunoo replied like it should be more than obvious already.
“But why here? There are other tables!” Heeseung gestured, speaking a bit louder.
“Shhh, we’re at the library. You should be quiet here,” Sunoo reminded with a smug face and Heeseung could genuinely feel himself get more irritated.
He considered getting up and moving to another table, but he suspected that wouldn’t stop Sunoo from following him and he didn’t want to be kicked out of the library for being too noisy.
But how could he study with the boy there, right next to him and looking at him as if he was judging each and every one of his moves? Maybe he should just go home.
“Don’t worry,” Sunoo interrupted his thoughts, “I won’t bother you,” he said nonchalantly, opening his own textbook and not even sparing Heeseung another glance.
Heeseung observed him for another few seconds as the boy grabbed a pencil and started taking notes. If he could stay quiet like that for the rest of the day, maybe he wouldn’t be such a nuisance, after all.
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Heeseung continued to go to the library almost every day after class. He would stay there for an hour or so, until the sun started to set so he could go home while the sky was still bright.
Sunoo continued to show up at the library, sitting by Heeseung’s side every time. Although the boy would sometimes make a few snarky comments, he stayed quiet minding his own business most of the time and Heeseung eventually became used to his presence.
On one of their study sessions, Sunoo asked for help on a question. Heeseung didn’t remember much about the topic, but his sense of pride wouldn’t let Sunoo think he was an incompetent student who couldn’t solve a basic 7th grade math problem. After going through Sunoo’s textbook, he reviewed the content and successfully managed to help him with it.
The lunch meetings had also become a regular occurrence; Beomgyu would always invite the younger boys to have lunch with them, so much that at some point he didn’t have to ask anymore. Heeseung had been a little bothered at first, since he still saw Sunoo as the rival he wanted to defeat, but soon he had to admit to himself that he actually enjoyed the younger boys’ company, specially Sunoo’s, although he certainly wouldn’t admit it out loud.
Two weeks into their library and lunch gatherings, Heeseung could already tell they had gotten much closer, although the bickering was still a normal part of their days. Sunoo now called him hyung without sounding sarcastic and Heeseung liked to think that the boy also saw him a friend.
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Heeseung stood outside of Sunoo’s classroom, waiting for his class to be over.
When he came out, the two wordlessly started walking side by side; it was a regular part of the day now — whoever came out of class first would wait for the other and they would go to the library to study together.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the library today, hyung,” Sunoo said.
“Why not?” Heeseung asked.
“I have a lot of content to review, I’ll just do it all at home.”
“But didn’t you need help with those math problems?”
“Yeah, but I’ll just look up some videos on Youtube.”
“Oh, so now you prefer videos rather than my personal tutoring?” Heeseung raised his eyebrows.
Sunoo laughed out loud. “That’s not it. I like it when you tutor me,” he looked away, avoiding Heeseung’s eyes. “I just really wanna go home.”
“Alright, then,” Heeseung felt a little disappointed to think he would have to study alone that day, but he respected his choice.
Sunoo suddenly lifted his head and his eyes seemed to spark. “Hyung! Why don’t you come study at my place today?”
“At your place…?” Heeseung asked, uncertain.
“Yeah!”
“But… won’t your parents get angry if I just show up there?”
“No! They will definitely like you!”
It didn’t take too long to convince him, and so, Heeseung called his mother and she gladly allowed him to go to Sunoo’s house. He had told her about the boy before and she was very satisfied to know he had another friend besides Beomgyu, so he didn’t even have to try to persuade her.
Sunoo’s house was small but pretty, with a lot of decoration and details. It was welcoming and cozy, the kind of place where Heeseung would like to spend a cold winter day, drinking hot chocolate and watching TV or reading a book.
Sunoo’s father wasn’t home yet, but Sunoo’s mom was very sweet. She said she was happy to meet “the boy who made Sunoo stay at the library studying everyday” and it made both of the boys blush a little, although Heeseung wasn’t sure why that made him feel so embarrassed.
Heeseung had never stopped to think what Sunoo’s bedroom would look like, but now that he was there, he thought it perfectly matched the boy — the neatly made up bed in soft pastels, the drawings stuck the wall with tape and the books lying around the desk, he could see Sunoo in all those things.
They studied for a while until Sunoo’s mom brought a batch of cookies and two cups of milk to the room. After that, they decided they had done enough studying for the day and spent the rest of the afternoon talking and going through random funny videos on Youtube. Heeseung barely noticed the time pass by, only realizing how late it was when his mom called to say that it was too dark for him to walk home and that she would pick him up.
Lying on his own bed that night, Heeseung stared at the ceiling and thought about his day. They hadn’t done anything grand, but he couldn’t remember when was the last time he had that much fun. It’s not like he didn’t have fun with Beomgyu, but they didn’t visit each other that often and with him, it was different — Beomgyu didn’t make him feel the way Sunoo did.
No one made him feel the way Sunoo did.
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Three days later, it was Sunoo’s turn to go to Heeseung’s house to study. This time, they spent a little more time studying, but still nothing compared to what should have been. Sunoo stayed for dinner that day and they stayed in Heeseung’s room playing videogames until Sunoo’s parents arrived to pick him up.
These visits after school became a normal occurrence, happening at least twice a week, although most times they wouldn’t last more than 2 hours.
On one of these days, as Heeseung was leaving, Sunoo’s mom made a proposition.
“Heeseung, why don’t you sleep over next time?”
Heeseung was caught off guard. He already felt pretty close to Sunoo, but he had never slept at anyone’s house except for Beomgyu’s.
“I, uh… I don’t know,” he was unsure of what to say, although he was certainly not against the idea.
“He really likes to spend time with you, you know?” She said with a smile. It looked pretty, just like Sunoo’s.
“Mom!” Sunoo intervened, sending her a glare.
It could just be Heeseung’s imagination, but Sunoo’s cheeks seemed to be turning a light shade of pink. It was cute, but so was everything about the boy.
“What is it? It’s true. Didn’t you say you wanted him to sleep over?” She asked him in a lower voice, confused.
“Yeah,” Sunoo replied softly, looking down, and now Heeseung was sure he was blushing, “but I wasn’t sure if he wanted it.”
“I do,” Heeseung interrupted, surprising himself with how fast he spoke, and Sunoo looked up at him, seeming just as shocked.
“Great!” Sunoo’s mom said. “I’ll call your parents later, then, so we can discuss the details.”
Heeseung wasn’t sure why, but he was feeling weirdly nervous with that exchange. Sunoo’s parents had always been nice to him and they seemed to like him as much as he liked them, but they were still Sunoo’s parents and that alone was enough to make him insecure.
“Bye, hyung,” Sunoo said as he left.
“Bye,” Heeseung shyly waved.
“Get home safe.”
“Okay, I will.”
On the sidewalk, right before he turned around the block, Heeseung looked back one last time and found Sunoo there, holding the door opened only enough for his eyes to peek through. As soon as he noticed Heeseung staring back, he shut the door closed. The older smiled to himself, wondering how could someone be so adorable.
When he got home, his mother questioned what had happened that day that made him so happy, but he couldn’t just tell her that a certain hazel-eyed boy was the reason behind it. However, something in her eyes told Heeseung that she already knew the answer.
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It was finally Friday, the day of the sleepover. Heeseung had suggested they did it on Saturday, but Sunoo had insisted on Friday; the older was kind of soft when it came to him, so he easily gave in, in the end. Heeseung had been excited since the day Sunoo’s mom invited him, but now that the day had arrived, he felt more anxious than ever.
It’s just a sleepover, he told himself, but that didn’t seem to contain the agitation in his heart. He had prepared his backpack the night before, but double checked that morning before leaving for school, making sure he didn’t forget anything.
The day seemed to pass slower than usual — 50-minute classes seemed to turn into hours. But after making a hundred doodles on his notebook and checking the clock thousands of times, class was finally over and we would meet Sunoo to go home with him now.
They spent the rest of the day as they usually did, except none of them even considered the idea of opening a textbook this time; they were all in for videogames, movies, snacks and fun.
At night, after they had both taken a shower and brushed their teeth, the two lay awake in Sunoo’s bedroom talking about what they did that day and any random thing that came to their minds. Heeseung sat on a mattress on the floor while the younger stayed in his own bed shifting his position every 5 minutes, unable to stay still.
“Hyung, we have to stay awake until 4 am,” Sunoo stated excitedly.
“Why?” Heeseung questioned.
“This is a sleepover! The whole point of a sleepover is to stay awake for as long as possible.”
”Okay, but why 4 am specifically?”
“Because…” Sunoo trailed off and looked away. “You’ll see,” he said with a playful smile.
Heeseung was curious about what he meant, but didn’t press any further, and soon they were back to the random conversations.
Time always seemed to pass by so quickly when they were together. Heeseung already knew that, but it felt especially true then, as he stared at the ceiling of Sunoo’s bedroom, thinking of everything they had done that day. They would spend the next day together again, but he didn’t want that night to end just yet.
So he kept talking. For as long as he could, about as many topics as he could think of, he kept talking to try to make Sunoo stay awake with him for as long as possible.
Heeseung checked his phone — it was past 2 am then. They were both sleepy, replies coming slower and shorter with every minute, but neither seemed to be willing to let the subject die.
Heeseung blinked slowly, dragging his eyelids open, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to take much longer, despite how much he wished to.
“Sunoo…” Heeseung called softly.
“Yes?” The boy replied.
“I don’t think I can stay awake until 4 am.”
“It’s fine, let’s sleep for a bit. I’ll wake you up when it’s time.”
Heeseung let out a quiet chuckle. If either of them closed their eyes then, they would only wake up again at least 6 hours later, but it was cute that Sunoo still had hopes of being awake for whatever it was he had planned at 4 am.
The older closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. He wasn’t used to sleeping at other people’s houses, but being in Sunoo’s presence was calming and soothing; it was a strange kind of safe and sound.
He woke up again with Sunoo kneeling beside him, softly shaking him.
“Hyung, wake up. Hyung!” The boy whispered.
Heeseung blinked a few times, not completely awake. “Hm?”
“It’s 4 am, let’s go,” Sunoo said as if that was explanation enough, getting up and putting on his slippers.
“Go where?” Heeseung sat on the bed rubbing his eyes.
“We need to be quick, come on!” The younger got up and pulled his arm.
Heeseung was too sleepy to question any further and, despite having the urge to just turn around and go back to sleep, he was happy to be awake with Sunoo again.
The younger grabbed his light blue blanket and led their way out of the room.
Sunoo’s bedroom was on the second floor; it was the first room of the corridor, followed by the bathroom and his parents’ bedroom.
They walked down the hallway, quietly passing by the two closed doors and finally reaching the window at the end of the corridor.
Sunoo handed Heeseung the blanket and softly unlocked the window, managing to slide it open in a swift move, almost noiseless; it seemed like something he had done multiple times before.
The younger gave him a look and Heeseung could see that playful glint in his eyes again.
“Let’s go.” He muttered as he climbed on the window, almost giving the older a heart attack for a moment.
But then Heeseung realized the window led to a part of the roof and felt relieved that Sunoo wasn’t, in fact, about to throw himself off the second floor.
When Sunoo successfully reached the other side, Heeseung gave him the blanket and started to repeat his steps. The boy had passed by the window so quickly, he made it seem like it was easy, but as soon as Heeseung tried to do it, his mind became a little dizzy.
Suddenly, he remembered how scared he was of heights; despite being only on the second floor, it was enough to bring out the worst in his imagination. If he was still feeling sleepy until a few seconds before, he was completely awake now.
“Sunoo, I can’t do it,” he whispered, each of his legs hanging out on each side of the window.
“You can, hyung,” Sunoo whispered back.
Sunoo was always so fearless, he wished he could be a little more like him.
“What if I fall?”
“I’m here, I won’t let you fall.” The boy held his hand and Heeseung tightly gripped on it. “It’s okay, go slow.”
A part of Heeseung wanted to run away and go back to the room, but the other wanted to be brave like him; to be brave for him.
Eventually, Heeseung managed to pass through the window and Sunoo led them to a less steep, almost plain, part of the roof. They sat down, resting their backs against the wall, and the younger let go of his hand for a moment — only long enough to wrap the blanket around them. Their fingers were interlaced a second later, resting on Sunoo’s lap. Heeseung felt safer then, but didn’t say anything; he was afraid the boy would stop holding his hand if he thought Heeseung wasn’t scared anymore.
Sunoo’s house was on a hill. From where they stood, they could see the roofs of other houses around the neighborhood and the city lights underneath them from a distance.
“Do you always come up here?” Heeseung asked, breaking the silence.
“Sometimes,” Sunoo replied. “I used to come here a lot, but my mom caught me once, so I had to start being more careful. Now I only come when I really need to.”
Heeseung wanted to scold the boy for doing such a dangerous thing as climbing the roof, especially alone, but he could tell why he did it. Being up there gave Heeseung a sort of rush. Not the kind he felt when riding roller coasters or watching action movies — instead, it was a quiet rush, but it had his heart beating faster the same. It felt like doing something wrong, but feeling so right; like breaking a rule that only existed in his head. He enjoyed the feeling, but something told him that being in that place would not be as fun if Sunoo wasn’t there.
“Why did you need to come here today?” Heeseung asked.
“I read there is going to be a meteor shower around this time and I wanted to watch it with you,” his voice seemed to become softer as he pronounced the last words.
Heeseung was struck for a moment. So that was the reason Sunoo had insisted they had a sleepover on Friday instead of Saturday? Heeseung knew meteor showers were special for some people and, although he wasn’t sure if that was the case for Sunoo, it made him feel weirdly warm inside to think the boy wanted to watch it with him.
“Close your eyes,” Sunoo said.
“Why?” Heeseung questioned, but obeyed straight away.
“They said you can see the meteors better if your eyes are used to the dark.”
“Okay.”
After a few second, Heeseung opened one eye and looked at Sunoo. The boy had both eyes tightly shut, as if pressing his lids harder could make his vision even darker. Without realizing, Heeseung smiled to himself, but it was short-lived, because right then Sunoo also opened one eye and caught him staring.
“Hyung!” Sunoo complained, as loud as they could be as not to wake up anyone. “You need to keep them closed, no peeking!”
“Sorry!” Heeseung immediately closed his eye again. “But you opened your eye too!”
“Because I needed to check if yours were closed,” he argued. “And I was right to do so.”
“Fine,” Heeseung couldn’t contain the smile creeping on his lips.
They stayed a couple minutes in silence. Sunoo had said ‘no peeking’ and Heeseung did try to follow his instructions, but he couldn’t resist in the end. He opened one of his eyes again to look at Sunoo and quickly closed it, in case the younger tried to supervise him again. He did it twice more and gave up, letting both his eyes open to stare at Sunoo. He didn’t care if his vision wasn’t used to the dark enough to watch the meteors — Sunoo was definitely prettier than any shooting star, anyway.
Heeseung caught himself staring at his lips then and his heartbeat seemed to become faster. There was a thought in the back of his mind he tried to ignore, but it only became louder with every second.
What would it feel like to kiss Sunoo?
Heeseung was 14. He had never kissed anyone, but knew enough about it. He knew Beomgyu and pretty much all of his classmates had already kissed before and they said it was normal for people their age. Beomgyu even offered to help him more than once, saying he could find someone to be Heeseung’s first kiss, if he wanted, but Heeseung never cared enough about the topic and the idea of touching lips with some random girl was just too embarrassing for him to actually want to do it.
Did he want to kiss Sunoo? For some reason, it didn’t sound like a bad idea. Sunoo was cute and his lips looked soft and pretty — they would probably feel good too, right? The thought made him feel a little weird, but in a good way; he could sense his ears getting warm and his heart thundering in his chest.
Should he ask Sunoo for a kiss? The worst he could do was say ‘no’, but the idea of Sunoo saying ‘no’ alone was enough to make him feel a sting in his heart. If that happened, Heeseung would never be able to look at the boy again.
He was still staring at Sunoo, stuck in his internal conflict, when the younger suddenly spoke again.
“Okay, you can open your eyes now!” He said, following his own command.
Heeseung blinked a few times, acting as if he had just opened his eyes, but Sunoo didn’t seem to even suspect he had them opened this whole time.
They continued to talk as they waited for the shooting stars, and Heeseung decided that the night was too good to be ruined by a question whose answer he couldn’t predict.
The night kept getting colder and, at some point, the blanket didn’t seem to be enough anymore; Sunoo got closer and rested his head on Heeseung’s shoulder. The older wasn’t sure if it was just Sunoo’s heat, but his body seemed to instantly get warmer from the proximity.
In the end, the meteor shower never came — not that they could see, at least —, and they stayed up talking until both were too sleepy to think. Sunoo was disappointed, but for Heeseung, shooting stars or not, that little late night adventure was one of the best moments of his life.
When they came back to the bedroom, it was already past 5 am. Heeseung helped Sunoo neatly put his blanket on the bed and they lay back on their individual mattresses. However, a few seconds after they had lain down and right before Heeseung could fall asleep, Sunoo spoke again.
“Hyung,” he called softly.
“Hm?”
“My bed is too cold,” he made a brief pause. “Can I sleep with you?”
Heeseung swallowed, feeling a little nervous from the unexpected question. “Yeah,” he breathed out.
The boy quietly left his bed and lay on the mattress on the floor as Heeseung held the blankets up. Sunoo came closer, bringing an arm around his waist, and the older let the hand that held the blankets fall around him. As they lay there facing each other, Heeseung’s heart was beating faster than ever; he wondered if Sunoo could hear it.
“Good night, hyung,” the boy whispered.
“Good night, Sunoo.”
Having the boy so close to him and feeling a thousand butterflies in his stomach, Heeseung thought he would stay awake for a long time, but being with him was so comfortable, sleep came faster than he could realize.
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When the grades of the final exams were released, the first thing the two boys did was gather in the classroom of the second floor after class and calculate who had gotten the best score overall.
Heeseung finished the math in his head a few seconds before Sunoo — fast enough for him to catch the boy’s expression when he realized he had won.
The older had spent so long in the library and by his desk in his room studying to win their game, but right then he couldn’t care less about who was the winner.
Of course a part of him wanted to win; when it came to Sunoo, he became competitive and loved to annoy the boy and watch him roll his eyes at him, but he also loved to see Sunoo happy; loved to have his attention, even if it meant being the target of his witty remarks.
Sunoo screamed in joy. “I won! Hyung, I won!” He shared the news so happily, for a moment it didn’t even seem like Heeseung was his rival in that game.
“You did,” Heeseung smiled, softly staring at the boy rejoicing in his loss.
Then, Sunoo’s face changed, as if he had suddenly remembered the rest of their deal. “You lost! You’re gonna have to say I’m right and you’re wrong!”
“Yeah, you’re—”
“Wait!” Sunoo interrupted. “Don’t say it yet. I wanna hear it as I feel the taste of victory!”
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“So this is what victory tastes like… mint chocolate chip,” Sunoo said as he took another bite of his ice cream, closed eyes and pure bliss on his face.
Heeseung only stared, amused by his drama, and took a bite of his own ice cream.
“Okay, you can say it now,” Sunoo continued, mouth full.
The older deeply inhaled. “You were right and I was wrong,” he breathed out, looking slightly dejected, but deep down having fun dramatizing the scene.
Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows in a confused expression. “What? I couldn’t hear it,” a smile crept on his lips smeared with pastel green.
“You were right and I was wrong,” Heeseung said a bit louder.
“What?”
“Ah, I’m not doing any louder than that,” Heeseung ate another spoonful of his ice cream.
Sunoo threw his head back laughing. “Okay, it’s fine. That was enough.”
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It was the last week of school before vacation. No more final exams, no more assignments, only two days left and yet, there was Heeseung still going to school everyday to achieve perfect attendance.
Beomgyu, Jungwon and Riki were all traveling with their families, so Heeseung and Sunoo were left alone these last few days. Without their friends, they accidentally made a routine to have lunch and then walk around the school; they would find a nice isolated spot and just keep chatting until it was time to go back to class.
That day, Heeseung’s first class after lunch was cancelled, so he had extra 50 minutes until he had to go back. He wondered what he would do during that time, since Sunoo would have to return to class before him, but he had been so absorbed in their conversation, he didn’t realize that the boy didn’t actually go back after lunch break.
The two spent a long time in the back of the library, sitting on the floor in between shelves, reminiscing the first days of their friendship and laughing quietly so the librarian wouldn’t scold them. They had been friends for a little more than 2 months then, but it felt much longer than that. Heeseung would have liked that — to know the boy for a longer time. He wished he had met Sunoo years ago, but he was happy to have him in his life now.
The library was quite big. They stood at the end of an aisle in between two shelves, the farthest they could be from other students. On one end of their aisle was a corridor perpendicular to the shelves with big windows and small rectangular tables, but they were all empty then; on the other end was the rest of the library — more shelves, round tables and bean bags.
Heeseung leaned his back against the shelf while Sunoo faced the rest of the library. In the middle of their talk, the younger suddenly widened his eyes and quickly got up, running toward the narrow corridor and pulling Heeseung along. He pushed him against the side of the shelf and kept his body close to his.
“What are you—” Heeseung started, but was quickly interrupted.
“Shhh. My teacher is there,” he whispered.
“What’s the problem?” Heeseung whispered back, feeling a little nervous with the proximity.
“I’m skipping his class right now.”
The older gasped. “Why?”
“Just because,” Sunoo shrugged. “Why is he even here?” He mumbled to himself and furrowed his eyebrows.
“But what if… what if there’s something important in class?” Heeseung stuttered.
“It’s the end of the semester, what else can we learn?”
Sunoo had a point, but either way, Heeseung was in no condition to think straight right then. He could only stare as Sunoo pressed his shoulders against the shelf and took quick peeks to see if his teacher was still there.
Despite their height difference, their faces were terrifyingly close. Heeseung remained frozen, trying to control the beat of his heart and hoping Sunoo couldn’t hear it.
“Hyung,” Sunoo turned his head again and looked up at him with a glint in his eyes, like he just had a brilliant idea.
“Yeah?” Heeseung muttered.
“Wanna skip class with me?” He asked with a mischievous smile.
Heeseung was speechless for a second. He still felt a little dazed from their closeness and the way the boy stared at him.
“W-what? No!” He finally said.
“Come on, just once!” Sunoo pouted and grabbed his arms. Heeseung was speechless for the second time in the past ten seconds. “I’ll buy you ice cream!”
“I…”
“Please,” Sunoo’s eyes were so big he could see stars in them. “Please, please, plea—”
“Okay,” Heeseung found himself agreeing. He surprised himself with how easily he gave in, but for some reason, it was always so hard to say ‘no’ to Sunoo.
“Yes!” Sunoo quietly cheered. “Let’s go.” He took one last peek at where his teacher stood before grabbing Heeseung’s hand and running through the corridor toward the exit.
That was the first time Heeseung skipped class in his life. If it had been a few weeks before, his conscience wouldn’t leave him alone for days, but right then he couldn’t bring himself to care at all. In fact, he loved the feeling of running across the courtyard and sneaking out of school as Sunoo held his hand so tight he could feel his knuckles turn white.
Heeseung wished he would never let it go.
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Heeseung moved away that winter and never saw Sunoo again.
The younger had gotten a phone that Christmas, so they continued to call and text each other; they promised to visit one another and made plans to go to the same college someday; they imagined a future where they would live alone and be roommates and do all kinds of things independent adults do when they don’t have to live with their parents anymore.
But there’s only so much of his promises a teenager can keep.
At first, Heeseung genuinely believed they could do all that. Sunoo was his friend and real friendships don’t end simply because one of them moved away. But with time, as his first year in another city went by, their texts and calls became less frequent; both he and Sunoo were too busy to talk sometimes, and he had new friends to give attention to now.
One day, he realized they hadn’t talked in over five months. His last message remained untouched:
busy now, call u later
The next time he looked at their messages again, it had been eight months.
Time flied, as it always does, and he hadn’t heard of Sunoo in two years.
Heeseung still thought about him sometimes, but they simply didn’t talk anymore. Not because he didn’t want to — because life didn’t wait for him to call Sunoo like he said he would that day, two years ago when they last spoke.
The messages were all still there, his contact at the bottom of the chat list. He didn’t feel close enough to the boy to say “hi” anymore, but he also couldn’t bring himself to delete his texts. So they stayed there, a silent reminder of the friendship he left behind; a silent reminder of his first love.
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Heeseung is 21 now, going through college, having crushes and anxieties and experiencing other types of first times. But Sunoo will always be the first boy who made his heart beat faster. They never kissed, but they didn’t have to. Someone’s first love isn’t necessarily their first kiss, just like someone’s greatest love isn’t always the one they will spend their life with. And that’s fine, it’s just the way life is.
Some days Heeseung would still think of Sunoo. They spent only two months together, but Heeseung remembers them like they were years. Sometimes, he couldn’t help thinking of everything it was; everything it could have been, if only he hadn’t moved away or if maybe he had continued to talk to Sunoo every now and then.
He wonders how Sunoo is doing now; wonders how the boy looks, if he’s also in college, if he has met someone he likes. Maybe they could meet again someday and Heeseung would still feel the same, or maybe they were two completely different people now and finding each other would only stain the good memories of what they had.
He knows there is no point in dwelling on it — he will most likely never see Sunoo again. But still, when he looks at the pictures his mother secretly took of them when they were studying in his bedroom years ago; when he sees those two boys clueless of each other’s feelings, he can’t help but wonder and wish that maybe, just maybe, that hazel-eyed boy is out there somewhere thinking of him too.