Chapter Text
Kaveh felt light-headed. He was trying his best to walk on the dimly lit path, but his steps were a bit wobbly. He was completely emotionally and physically drained from everything that had happened, and honestly, who could blame him? Between winning the competition, giving up every part of his prize in a heartbeat, having to sit through Alhaitham's fake congratulations, giving his speech at the award ceremony, and treating everyone to dinner, he was beyond exhausted. And, of course, Alhaitham hadn't been at dinner, so Kaveh was now stuck carrying takeout back home for him. Yes, Kaveh was fully aware that he didn't need to bring food home to Alhaitham, but they'd both done it for each other so many times that it was now a habit. Besides, if Alhaitham wasn't home, there was a good chance he hadn't eaten. Not that it was Kaveh's job or anything, but he felt he should make sure Alhaitham got the chance to eat dinner.
Why does he have to be such a stupid, stubborn, selfish recluse?! Kaveh thought to himself. Why do I put myself through all of this for him?!
Because you love him, his own mind echoed back at him. He rolled his eyes.
Yeah, yeah, he retorted to himself, becoming even more frustrated and exhausted than he already was. And yet, he didn't have a valid argument. It was true, he loved Alhaitham. Still, true as it may have been, his emotions were still all over the place.
Yesterday had been... complicated.
They had both woken up very hungry in the late evening. They had eaten their dinner in relative silence, and afterwards, they went to their separate activities. Kaveh took the time to finish up some blueprints for a client, while Alhaitham looked over whatever important documents he'd needed to see as the Acting Grand Sage. Kaveh couldn't really bring himself to care for the fine details of such boring work, and Alhaitham didn't offer any information. The two of them had worked together in silence, and it had been nice. Peaceful, productive, and almost domestic, in a way.
Anyway, their night hadn't been nearly as interesting as the one previous. They'd both gotten tired around the same time and gone to bed together, though not without a few goodnight kisses, and then they'd gone their separate ways in the morning.
And then today had happened, and Kaveh was exhausted . He'd wanted to go home ever since the end of the competition, but of course, there just had to be more to do afterwards. He couldn't say he didn't have fun, but he definitely deserved a good, long rest... preferably in Alhaitham's bed. Alhaitham's bed with Alhaitham's soft pillows and Alhaitham's thick blankets and, well, Alhaitham.
Alhaitham.
Fuck.
One little thought about Alhaitham, and now all of Kaveh's memories and emotions were pouring back into him at full force. It was as if his body was pushing his exhaustion to its absolute limit. Kaveh knew that it was nothing more than the consequence of him not taking the time to process his emotions, but could the consequences seriously not wait until he was a little more relaxed?!
Oh, God, it was so overwhelming. All at once he was hit with every emotion he'd ever felt for Alhaitham, every experience they'd had together, and every desire Kaveh had for their future. His heart was pounding out of his chest and his mind was spinning out of control. Despite being outside, Kaveh felt the need for fresh air. He found a nearby bench and sat down, carefully placing Alhaiham's food next to him and taking a deep breath. He allowed his face to fall into his hands.
Inhale.
Anger. Annoyance. Irritation. Passion. Lust. Love.
Exhale.
A friendship of academic rivalry. Alhaitham's unwavering presence in Kaveh's life through both his highs and his lows. A new relationship that Kaveh couldn't seem to stop feeling giddy about.
Inhale.
Their respective rooms becoming their shared room; their room in their house. A private, romantic date ending with a ring on Kaveh's finger. An elegant wedding where they would be joined together forever.
Exhale.
This had all happened at a truly awful time. Why couldn't this crisis have happened at a calmer time in his life? Why not at a time when he would've had time to think through and process all of these new emotions? Why? Why?! WHY?!
Inhale.
Exhale.
Nothing was going to be solved by sitting on a bench. With a heavy sigh, Kaveh stood up. As he turned to grab Alhaitham's food off of the bench, he was startled by a voice.
"Kaveh?" Speak of the fucking devil. Kaveh turned around to face Alhaitham, crossing his arms over his chest.
"If you're going to lecture me, you can save it," Kaveh snapped. Alhaitham didn't seem the least bit affected by Kaveh's words, still making his way toward him. "I know you think it was stupid for me to donate all that money, and I know you see more value in progressing research than helping people. I've been driving myself crazy enough on my own; I don't need to hear it from you."
Kaveh expected Alhaitham to completely ignore him and give a snarky response anyway, but he didn't. In fact, he entirely skipped the sassy, self-righteous commentary that Kaveh had expected. Instead, as he approached, he wrapped Kaveh in a tight hug. Kaveh jumped at the contact.
"Are you alright?" Alhaitham asked softly. Kaveh rolled his eyes as he returned Alhaitham's embrace.
"You're asking me that now?" Kaveh asked incredulously. "It seemed like you were having the time of your life poking fun at me during the end of the competition."
"Did you want me to voice my concerns in front of everyone?" Alhaitham asked in reply, letting go of Kaveh. "Despite the fact that I watched you get dragged through the dirt, nearly pass out as you placed the diadem, and have a short crisis at Sachin's words, I doubted you'd want me to show my worry in front of such a crowd. Something about your pride being hurt if someone were to find out how close we are." Kaveh let out a heavy sigh. Alhaitham truly did understand him completely.
"I'm fine," Kaveh said quietly. "'Nari gave me some salve to put on my cuts and bruises. About everything else... well, there's really nothing I can do now."
"You're really okay?" Alhaitham asked.
"Yes, I'm fine," Kaveh answered, feeling a little irritated. "How delicate and sensitive do you think I am?!"
"Well, you haven't given me much evidence to believe that you aren't those things."
"You're such an asshole."
"You love me." Kaveh sighed.
"How long is it going to take before you stop using that as a response?" He asked.
"Until it's no longer true," Alhaitham answered. Kaveh averted his eyes.
Like it'll ever not be true , he thought to himself, not daring to say such things out loud.
"Say what you want," Kaveh started, crossing his arms over his chest once again as he looked back at Alhaitham. "At least I'm not the one who got drunk and pushed my mood swings onto my annoying housemate just because I thought he might move out."
"You're calling yourself annoying?" Alhaitham teased.
" That's what you're focusing on?!" Kaveh exclaimed, exasperated. Alhaitham sighed.
"Well, if you're staying, then you won't have to worry about it happening again," he replied, his voice gentler. Kaveh's arms fell to his sides as he allowed the tension to seep out of his body.
"It's not like I have much of a choice," Kaveh murmured. There was a beat of silence.
"Do you want to stay?" Alhaitham asked softly. Another beat of silence.
"Yes." Kaveh's voice was small and hesitant, as if he was unsure whether he wanted to commit to his answer. In reality, however, he meant that "yes" with every fiber of his being.
"Kaveh," Alhaitham started, taking a moment to find the right words. "You- I don't understand you. I don't understand your logic or your reasoning, or why you work yourself to the bone and give up every part of yourself for nothing more than the satisfaction of others. I'll never understand how or why you pour your life force into pleasing other people so readily. The degree to which you bend over backwards for the sake of people who don't even care about you is frustrating to no end." Kaveh rolled his eyes.
"I'm glad to know you think so highly of me," he commented. "Anything else?"
"Well, if it wasn't for your impatience, you would have eventually realized that there was a 'but' coming," Alhaitham retorted.
"Fine, keep going."
"You are all those things, but, " Alhaitham resumed. "Not a single person in that crowd could have done what you did. Neither could any of your competitors, and least of all me. Nobody who was there will ever possess a fraction of your selflessness or your willingness to help others when you can. Annoying, frustrating, and impossible to understand as you are, I can't stop myself from admiring you or being amazed by you. I don't need to agree with everything you stand for, and I don't need to understand it, either. I don't need to understand your everything in order to admire you." Kaveh felt his face flush hot.
"Don't say that stuff, it's weird coming from you," Kaveh mumbled. "Besides, you do understand my everything. You wouldn't do or say a lot of the things I do, but you understand why I do. You understand the way I work. You understand me better than anyone else in my life ever has, and I really hope I can understand you the same way." Alhaitham's eyes softened, looking almost as sweet and vulnerable as they had when he was drunk.
"You do," he responded simply. Oh, oh, how Alhaitham knew just how to hit Kaveh in the heart. Kaveh instantly melted, barely thinking as his hand came to rest on Alhaitham's cheek, and not thinking at all as his lips kissed Alhaitham's. The kiss was short and soft, and as they parted, Alhaitham wrapped an arm around Kaveh's waist and kissed him again.
"I love you," Kaveh murmured. "I can't stand you, but I love you so much." Alhaitham kissed him.
"I love you," Alhaitham echoed softly. They stared at each other for a moment, the world stopping around them for a brief amount of time as they admired one another. Kaveh's arms slowly fell back to his sides.
"'Haitham," he said quietly. "Let's go home."
"Home?" Alhaitham asked, his voice soft. Kaveh suddenly flashed back to that night when Alhaitham was drunk, and he seemed to finally understand why Alhaitham had asked him the same thing before. He hadn't been asking Kaveh to take him home, he'd been asking if Kaveh truly considered it to be his home. Kaveh's heart softened impossibly further for the man in front of him.
"Yeah, home," Kaveh answered, giving him a small, reassuring smile. "I... I don't have much of a choice of where I stay right now, but when I eventually do have that choice, I'm going to choose you. I'm always going to choose you. Forever. Every single time, 'Haitham, I promise. You can hold me to it." The smile that Alhaitham gave him suddenly made Kaveh feel like every struggle, every argument, and every disagreement between the two of them no longer had any weight because nothing would ever be stronger than the love they had for each other. It was the most genuine expression that Kaveh had ever seen on that man's face, sober or otherwise.
"Then let's go home," Alhaitham said softly, his gentle tone not masking the pure joy in his voice. Kaveh couldn't help but return his smile.
"Oh, here, I have food for you," Kaveh replied, suddenly remembering the takeout he'd left on the bench behind him. The change in mood was abrupt but welcome, the air becoming light and sweet around them. Alhaitham happily took the food.
"I was right, you did bring me something," he responded, holding his food under one arm and extending his other hand out to Kaveh.
"You're welcome," Kaveh teased, taking Alhaitham's hand. "I figured you didn't eat anything."
"You were right," Alhaitham replied simply. A wave of tiredness washed over Kaveh, and he yawned.
"When we get home, I'm going straight to bed," Kaveh announced, dreaming of his satin pajamas.
"Which bed?" Alhaitham asked quietly.
"It doesn't matter, both beds are yours," Kaveh replied, teasingly brushing his elbow against Alhaitham's. "That being said, I do prefer the one with the softer pillows. It's... warmer." Alhaitham squeezed his hand, and Kaveh squeezed back.
"Can you wait to fall asleep until after I finish eating?" Alhaitham asked.
"As long as you eat fast," Kaveh answered. "I'm tired, 'Haitham."
"I will eat at my normal pace," Alhaitham replied.
"Then I'll try to stay awake," Kaveh responded. "But I'm not making any promises." Kaveh didn't miss the smile that briefly took over Alhaitham's face at his words.
A comfortable silence fell over them after that. It felt so easy and so natural for Kaveh to be walking hand in hand with Alhaitham. The night was quiet and dark, and it felt so right for them to share these soft, intimate moments together in their own little world. Never before had anything felt so right to Kaveh. It was like everything had suddenly fallen into place, like everything was now exactly the way it was supposed to be.
Kaveh knew he would never need to even consider leaving ever again. Alhaitham was his home, and he was Alhaitham's. With Alhaitham, he would always be safe. With Alhaitham, he would always be satisfied. With Alhaitham, and only with Alhaitham, his life would be complete. There were going to be times in their future where Kaveh would want either more or less of other things, but Alhaitham was the piece of his life's endlessly changing puzzle that would always have a place to fit. Kaveh loved Alhaitham.
Hand in hand they walked home together, the same way they would forever walk through life. Together, never, ever to part.