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For Junhyuk, Jaeho was familiar. They had been close friends for so long ever since they were young hopefuls just trying to make it in the merciless music industry, and they were both on the cusp of being jaded after years of hardly seeing a sliver of success in their respective group and their music careers.
Junhyuk remembered the awkwardness of their first encounter, as Yijeong, who had introduced them after producing a song for Junhyuk’s group, smiled knowingly as Junhyuk’s eyes widened as his eyes met Jaeho’s (admittedly) pretty face. They bowed and shook hands, and Junhyuk couldn’t help but notice his hand engulfing Jaeho’s smaller ones. They both bonded over their love of music, as awkward as they were, which subsided as they exchanged small talks and easy laughter, and they tinkered away in Jaeho’s tiny studio. At the end, they both found themselves abandoning the computer and moving to the beat up couch, where they talked about their dreams and their future plans. At some point, they found themselves sitting so close together that their sides were pressed against each other with Jaeho’s arm slung casually on his back. Junhyuk can feel the heat of Jaeho’s body radiating to him and it was an addictive feeling, like having a freshly brewed cup of coffee on a rainy day. The smell of his cologne, like warm spice and sunshine, permeated the space they shared together and Junhyuk feels that he can live in this moment for a thousand years if he was allowed to.
The first encounter led to more and more meetings in the tiny music studio, now with no Yijeong to facilitate the beginning. They didn’t necessarily work on music in the studio, and sometimes they met just to hang out and to escape the world for a bit. Jaeho’s tiny studio was neat and filled with miscellaneous items, and as Jaeho moved to a bigger studio when his career as a music producer became more established, those memorabilia followed him (with Junhyuk adding some of his own). A tiny ornament from Ulsan, a piece of jewellery from Busan, a trinket from a Jeju trip, he added his own touch to what he considered as his second home.
Junhyuk thinks that a piece of Jaeho had been embedded his heart, and that piece has been crucial in keeping him from falling apart, to keep his heart from withering away as his dream become less likely to be realised, as there is less and less group schedule coming his way and as his company openly looked for new and fresh trainees to replace them. Jaeho’s presence in life grounded him, bringing his own calming presence despite his quietly chaotic personality. From Jaeho, he was reminded to appreciate the little things and tiny joys in life, to appreciate the crinkle of Jaeho’s eyes as he smiled wide enough to squint, and to appreciate when Jaeho laughed hard and shrill that it rang in the enclosed space (he jests but there were some moments when Junhyuk found himself covering his ears because Jaeho’s laughter hurt his ears, he appreciated being able to hear thank you very much).
To Junhyuk, Jaeho was the cutest thing in the world. The normally manly older brother to his younger friends would put his guard down around Junhyuk and only around Junhyuk would Jaeho feel comfortable enough to whine and complain about anything that was bothering him. Junhyuk could not imagine Jaeho doing the same action around Hyunmin, their younger friend who was the closest to Jaeho yet still breaking out in cold sweat when Jaeho looked at him wrong. He remembered an instance where Jaeho asked Hyunmin if he actually practised before coming to the studio during a recording session for their new song with a pinched look. He was actually just cranky after pulling an all-nighter to work on the newest Vendors project. Junhyuk found himself holding in his laughter when Hyunmin stammered out an excuse about his voice chord not cooperating with his brain and he exited the recording booth with his t-shirt drenched in nervous sweat. Jaeho let out a huge sigh and turned to Junhyuk with a pout.
“Hey, stop laughing and get me a sandwich,” he whined.
Junhyuk laughed harder but ended up getting him that sandwich anyway.
They ate their shitty chicken sandwiches together on the couch in the silence of the studio after Hyunmin left, and Jaeho reached over the empty space to wipe off mayo from the corner of Junhyuk’s mouth and Junhyuk never tasted anything so sweet before in his life.
To Junhyuk, Jaeho was precious. The piece of Jaeho that was embedded in his heart seemed to grow bigger and bigger and eventually it filled his heart so entirely that he felt that it was fit to burst. He felt full with affection for his precious friend, for the apple of his heart, for the person in his life that keeps him going amid the harsh realities of being in a creative industry. He drowns in it as Jaeho gave him a call during their off days, spending hours just shooting the breeze about everything and nothing, about how Hyunmin almost burned down Jaeho’s kitchen from fucking up an egg (again), about Byungjoo sending incomprehensible internet memes and Tiktok videos in their groupchat, about Sangwon and Monggu spending their weekend having a sleepover at Junhyuk’s humble flat, about how they missed each other and can’t wait to meet again in the office… though it remained unspoken about how they could easily meet up and hang out together in the moment. It was easier to express their desire in this way rather than commit to it, because it was easier to stew in silence rather than change something so stable, constant, safe. It was obvious for both of them, for everyone else in their lives, but habits are hard to break.
Eventually, they reached a turning point.
They were spending their time together in the studio. As usual.
They were talking about something insignificant, the weather, sports, their families. Junhyuk couldn’t really tell because something caused Jaeho to pause.
He looked at Junhyuk with uncharacteristic intensity, something he only reserved for recordings in the studio and different from his usual soft gaze (only for him, he realised).
He took Junhyuk’s hands and said, “Kiss me”.
It took a few seconds for the words to register.
“What.” Junhyuk blinked.
Jaeho rolled his eyes.
“I said, kiss me.” He repeated.
“You’re too tall so I can’t reach you.” He added after Junhyuk failed to respond again. Jaeho looked abashed, an unfamiliar expression on his face. The tip of his ears were red. He looked away. “Unless you don’t really want to kiss me and I have been misunderstanding our interactions.”
Junhyuk laughed at this, his shock gradually subsiding.
“Okay. I will. I’m just a bit shocked right now.” Junhyuk eventually responded.
Jaeho looked at him again and let go of his hands. He folded up his hands on his laps. Junhyuk noticed it was shaking a bit. His were, too.
“Okay, go ahead.” Jaeho closed his eyes.
Junhyuk observed Jaeho at the moment, his furrowed brows, his steady breathing, the long lashes that formed shadows on his cheeks and he thought.
Jaeho is his.
And he is Jaeho’s.
A few eternity passed as Junhyuk closed the space between them and their lips collided softly.
Their lips moved against each others’. Both of them had plenty of experiences before, with beautiful men and beautiful women. Yet this felt nothing like what he had experienced before, merely satisfying the carnal urges of a human being with no feelings attached.
It was just a kiss, just the clash of lips between two men in their early 30s and it was the sweetest sensation Junhyuk had ever felt in his life.
His heart hammered in its cage and Junhyuk worried that it would gain sentience and tear itself away from his body.
They pulled themselves away, panting softly. Both momentarily forgot that humans needed to breathe. Moments passed and their eyes make contact with each other.
Junhyuk was the first one to break the silence.
“That was okay.” He teased.
Jaeho frowned and hit him with a pillow.
“Just okay?!” He exclaimed and continued pummelling Junhyuk with the pillow.
The night at the studio continued to fill with their pillow fight, giggles, and more mindless talk, and if they stopped a few times to kiss each other again, who was there to stop them, really? (Eventually, Hyunmin stopped by because he was bored that no one wanted to play with him and found them locking lips and the news of their relationship spread like wildfire among their close circle. Yijeong send a thumbs up emoji and a cheeky “Finally” text to Jaeho and Jaeho replied with a “Fuck you” and a selfie of him holding up his middle finger with Junhyuk giving a peace sign at the back).
To Junhyuk, Jaeho was his soulmate. Their lives are so entangled and intertwined with each other that Junhyuk didn’t know where he started and where Jaeho ended. He found himself mirroring Jaeho and Jaeho mirroring Junhyuk’s actions and mannerisms. Yet they were still distinct individuals. Junhyuk would never find himself obsessing over protein intake or chicken breasts or workouts at 4am and Jaeho would never find himself jogging 7km every morning by the river or going to fish at ass o'clock in the morning. But they do found themselves having the same coffee order, watching the same TV shows, sitting the same way, and speaking the same way (Jaeho accidentally talked in satoori with Hyunmin and Hyunmin just gave him a side eye and said they were too disgustingly adorable and he was getting sick of them. Jaeho made sure to be more strict with him when he gave Hyunmin his weekly vocal lessons).
Nothing about their lives really changed in any fundamental way. Junhyuk still preferred to work from home and Jaeho spent most of his time on Vendors projects at the studio. They go to their shared office every few days in the week and then they get tortured by Hyunmin and Byungjoo in the dance studio. They just happened to kiss and do… other productive activities sometimes in the silence of their respective homes.
One day, Jaeho turned to him as they lay awake on Junhyuk’s bed.
“Do you love me?” He asked.
Junhyuk turned towards Jaeho and observed him for a moment. Jaeho’s long hair was tousled and his eyes were still a bit glazed. Junhyuk thought that he was the most beautiful person in the world.
“Yes, I do.” Junhyuk replied. “I love you.”
Jaeho smiled. He reached over and clasped Junhyuk’s hand.
“I love you too.”