Work Text:
Peter Benjamin Parker. Named after his wonderful uncle Ben that he adored with every fiber of his being. But, he didn’t feel like a Parker. He didn’t feel as if he deserved that name.
It’s Thanksgiving break, and as luck would have it, May is gone for the week. Some joke of a job that makes you have to go on training for an entire week, he thought. It’s quiet, way too quiet for a regular Saturday night. Last he checked, the avengers were here this weekend, claiming they all missed their favorite “spider kid”. So, then, why on earth is it so quiet?
The only other option is that he’s sleeping. Except, it’s not a peaceful sleep. It’s yet another nightmare that plagues the young spider’s mind. To which, it’s not uncommon, everyone in the avengers' tower has nightmares, every single person there. So then why is it so surprising to everyone that he has them as well?
He tosses and turns in the bed that Mr. Stark so graciously lets him sleep in, considering that he would buy anything Peter wanted, because he loves his kid so dearly. It’s a soft bed, extremely comfortable, feels like a giant marshmallow, so why does it feel so... different?
His breathing gets heavier as the seconds turn to minutes, tears slowly streaming down his face as he sleeps, but nonetheless, he still turns in his bed every 2.5 seconds.
Peter has nightmares all the time, ever since homecoming, so why is this one any different? Well, this time, it’s about Ben. After witnessing the death of the most important person in his life, he now resides in his slurred dreamlike state, a crisp black and white suit, slightly stained with blood that isn’t his and stained with tears as he feels the bumpy concrete under him dig into his knees. His voice is raw, unfiltered, and full of emotions as he begs, cries, and pleads with the woman in front of him who looks like his dear aunt May, to allow him to say his final goodbye to the man in the coffin. The man who would still be alive if it weren't for Peter Benjamin parker.
He currently resides in the lucid state of sleep paralysis, his body betraying him as he lays still in his bed, coating his pillow with his flowing stream of tears. As he watches the world he knows and loves crumble to pieces, he sobs, his eyes bloodshot and puffy as he ruins the suit that he had to practically sell everything he owned to afford, he claws at the ground, with a grip so strong, he could tear the road open if he wanted to. He is scared, afraid even, he wants to return to the real world. Away from this hellish nightmare he crawled into.
Meanwhile, the avengers are in Tony’s lab, having fun and playing cards as Tony works, focused on team bonding and fun to escape their problems. An alert pops up on Tony's screen, something along the lines of the robotic voices of both Jarvis, Friday, and Karen, in unison, talking about his dear kid’s blood pressure going through the roof, at risk of a severe anxiety attack. Only problem was, Peter was asleep.
“Sir, would you like me to initiate the protocol ‘Spider-baby can’t sleep’?” Jarvis’ voice comes through the lab, the other avengers heads’ popping up at the sound of a speculated threat.
“Tones, what’s going on? You okay?” Rhodey’s voice cuts through the silence as Tony clears his throat.
“There's something wrong with Peter, I'll go check on him.” Tony replies, standing up, running a hand through his greasy hair, as he walks towards the elevator to go to Peter's floor, unbeknownst to him, the others following him like lost puppies.
Peter awakes from the state with a sharp gasp, clutching his chest so harshly that he leaves slight crescent shaped claw marks near his chest. The space around him spins, all of a sudden feeling very claustrophobic, when there’s a knock at the door.
“Son of Tony, the robotic woman has alerted friend Stark of your troubles. We have come to your aid.” Thor’s voice echoes into the room, but Peter can only hear certain parts. The room only stops spinning when he spots a shorter figure walking up to him, crouching next to him.
“Underoos. Hey, what’s going on? C’mon, talk to me, kid.” Tony reaches out to console the boy, one that Peter knows all too well.
“Mter Star- can- can breathe...” Peter’s voice comes out in a hushed whisper. He’s convinced everyone in the doorway can hear how loudly and harshly his heart is beating out of his chest.
“Legolas, hit the lights, would you?” Tony whispers, waving his hand at his hard of hearing teammate.
The lights come on and Tony's heart shatters at the sight. Here in front of Tony, sits Peter, his face a bloody red, his eyes bloodshot and dilated, tears streaming down his face as the poor boy clutches his chest, small patches of blood leaking into his nails from how hard he’s clutching his chest.
“Pete, hey, look at me. I’m right here. Can I touch you?” He whispers, reaching his hand out, hesitating ever so slightly.
Peter scans his mentor's face, hating the way it softens as it scans Peter's face in fear.
No words come out of Peter's mouth as his ragged breathing gets worse, terrified of knowing what Mister Stark would think of him. His eyes dart around, scanning each face he sees for each individual reaction. Every single minute detail of someone’s facial expression gets taken into account.
“Come on, breathe with me. Ready? Deep breath in,” Tony takes an exaggerated breath in, the trembling teen trying his best to mimic his mentor’s actions, tears still streaming down his face as he buries his face into his hands, continuously wiping the salty tears that fall.
“Out. You’re doing great, Spidey, let’s try again.” Tony’s overly calm voice rings in Peter’s ears as he eventually calms down, and yet he can’t seem to open his mouth as he stares straight past the avengers, burning a hole into the wall with his gaze.
“Hey, focus up, kid. What’s going on?” Rhodey’s hand on his back pulls him out of his thoughts, as he stares at everyone currently in his room, his face getting progressively redder in embarrassment, even though no one could tell, his face was already extremely red from sobbing his eyes out.
“It’s nothing, just a stupid dream. I really didn’t mean for this to happen, honest.” He replies, trying to blink away the burning feeling in his eyes.
“Don’t give me that crap. Come on, ‘roos, one way or another I’m gonna get the answer out of you, so just spill the beans.” Tony interjects, and Peter looks him in his eyes, looking for any sign of deception, looking away after a split second when he doesn’t see any.
“It was stupid, really. Just a dumb nightmare.”
“It sounds dumb, but I can tell you right now, every single person in this room right now, has nightmares. Each and every one of us. Yours count just as much as ours do. So, come on, lay it on us. There’re very little secrets when it comes to us. We gossip so much; it’d put the Mean Girls to shame.” Bucky argues, his last point getting a small laugh from everyone, and Steve cuts in, “Why do you think Buck and I share a room? It’s cause we’re the only two strong enough to hold each other down. Our nightmares get violent, really easily.”
“It’s just... Ben. I miss him so much. I could have saved him, I don't know, it just makes me think. If I never got bit by the spider, would Ben still be alive? I don’t know, I just think about him sometimes. It’s been almost 4 years, and I still haven’t gotten over it.” Peter sniffs, his eyes glancing to his phone, looking at the strange text from his adoring aunt May.
“Did you... Uh... you texted May?” He asks, to which, Tony sifts a hand through his hair.
“Oh, yeah. I didn’t really know what to do, so I texted her. To which, she told me you have these nightmares all the time. Apparently, they’re way worse at your apartment than they are here. Aunt Hottie told me you’ve gotten noise complaints from screaming?” Tony’s eyes furrow, glancing over his kid, wondering why the hell for the love of God, he can’t have a normal life.
“Yeah…the landlord said if it happens again, he’s kicking us out...ha-ha..so...I don’t sleep. Or, well, when I do, it’s outside of the apartment. Can’t risk it.” Peter laughs airily, running a hand through his sweaty hair, scratching at his scalp. Tony makes a mental note to secretly find their landlord in an alleyway. Either that or convince May to move into the tower, there’s more than enough room for them.
“Why don’t you come down to the lab with us? We’re playing cards. Just until you feel sleepy again?” Steve suggests and Peter copies, following Steve out of the room.
The rest of them trail out of the room, simultaneously looking at each other, suggesting the same thing:
Peter needs therapy, bad. Also, his landlord better hope and pray they don't find themselves in an empty alleyway at 3 am. As Peter walks with Steve, his hand ruffling the young spider’s hair, he thinks two things.
One, how can you be a hero if you can’t save the people you love? And two, how could a man like Benjamin Parker, see something other than a pathetic, wannabe, no good, cursed boy, who kills everyone he comes into contact with, in his adoring nephew, Peter Benjamin Parker?
Peter makes a mental note to leave later that morning to visit Ben’s grave, but he can’t help but wonder if Ben would even recognize the person who is speaking to him. Peter Benjamin Parker, a hollow boy, plagued by grief.