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It had been late into the night on Coruscant, but as usual, even at this ungodly hour the city had been its loud and bustling self. It was probably even more so now that the Yevethan nonsense had finished. The inhabitants of the city had been on high alert that Nil Spaar and the Dushken league would attack them next. Curfews were made. Many had to evacuate their homes, leaving the city pretty much dead and empty.
Now the party goers and the thrill seekers that had been cooped up and bored in their homes for way too long were now releasing their pent up energy in the Cantinas and gambling halls. Usually Han would be able to sleep through such chaos and block out all distractions, having been frequently sleeping on the street when he was a child, but tonight he just couldn’t. The sounds of the city seemed much louder. The lights even filtered by the tinted glass seemed much brighter and almost irritating. But Han had a feeling why he couldn’t just block out all the distractions this time.
His mind was racing at light speed. It spun in thousands through of directions and wandered through the galaxy with no destination. It had been three days since Han had been cleared to leave the med bay after a long set of rounds in the BACTA tank to heal from his wounds brought on by the nightmarish ordeal at the hands of Nil Spaar; and this was the way his mind functioned. It had been occupied with one thought. The words Leia had told him when they discussed the whole ordeal.
Nil Spaar had me choose between stopping the war and saving your life.
The fact Leia had to choose between Han, the love of her life and the father of her children and ending the war unnerved him and haunted him. It haunted him more than Nil Spaar beating him to a bloody pulp for 30 minutes straight.
Han knew it was a matter of time before he would be used as a bargaining chip, it was the perils of being the husband as the Chief of State of the New Republic. However, he thought it would be something silly like some pirates wanting a trade route not the fate of the whole galaxy. He was glad Leia was always honest and open with him, it was what made their relationship so great. Sometimes he wished they were more secretive….this was one of their times.
Han decided to give up on trying to sleep and staring aimlessly at the ceiling. He was still sore from the beatings, so he bit his wrist so that no sound would wake a hopefully peacefully sleeping Leia beside him. He got out of bed and went into the kitchen. He also made sure to be quiet not to wake the kids either as he moved.
He poured himself a glass of Corellian Whisky. He walked over to the window and looked down into the city below him. The people were reveling at the end of yet another crisis that nearly took their freedom. Did they have any idea what it took to get there or was it something they wished not to think about?
“Can’t sleep either?” A voice behind had said.
Han turned his head to see Leia standing in the hallway. He sighed. He guessed either he wasn’t careful enough or the stress of the whole ordeal was keeping her awake as well.
“Yeah,” Han said, “too loud and bright out there.”
A small smirk formed on Leia’s lips. She made her way over to him. Her arms encircled around his waist. Her fingers traced around his belly in calm and circular motions just as he liked to calm him.
“What's really wrong?” Leia asked. She was too short to reach his shoulder, so she rested her head on top of his bicep.
Han could tell her he was fine. He could tell her not to worry, but one, he hated lying to her and two she would just pry it out. He might as well relent.
“It was what you said,” Han sighed, “about how that slimeball sent you that video of him beating the Hutt Slime out of me. I hated the idea of having to choose between stopping the war and saving my life. I just hate you being hurt like that because of me.”
Leia lifted her head. Her hand moved now to stroke his cheek. He sighed and leaned his head into her touch.
“It’s not your fault Han,” She responded softly. “It's not my fault either. As I told you before, watching you get tortured like that, I felt it in my bones too. But it could have been worse. I could have lost you.” She was quiet for a moment to collect her thoughts. “As much as I know if it did come to that I did the right thing, I still don’t know how I would have lived with that. I would be wracked with guilt.”
“That’s what makes me upset Leia,” Han said, “I want to bring you happiness and not hurt you like that.”
Leia took his face in his hands. She stared firmly into his eyes.
“But you did not hurt me,” Leia replied, “and you make me happy. Han, if it weren’t for you or our children I would be one of those politicians who buries themselves in their work and never feel.” Leia paused and raised to her toes, wrapping her arms around him. “It’s worth it.”
Looking into Leia’s eyes and seeing how she gazed right back into his own with nothing but love sent him a sense of calm. She was right, he didn’t hurt her. It was that son of a bitch that put them in that position. They were happy and still in love, and while they faced this bump in the road….nothing was going to change that.
“We’re going to make it through this right?” Han asked with a smirk.
Leia gently kissed him before nuzzling her head into his chest.
“We always do,” She whispered.
That night with his racing thoughts finally gone, he fell into a peaceful sleep in the shelter of her arms.