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It isn"t a surprise to Jonathan when they sit him down and tell him they have another assignment for him, another undercover op. He was quite good at the last one, after all; getting extremely close to Roper, becoming his leading man, taking down one of the largest criminal organizations in the world. It"s no wonder they"d want him to do it again.
He listens to the pitch, blank-faced, absorbing all the information. They throw around phrases like "for the good of the nation" and "you"d be doing your country a great service" like any of that matters to him. None of them understand why he went undercover to take Roper down in the first place. None of them get it. Angela got it, of course she did. She used his feelings and loyalties to her advantage, manipulated him a little bit. Not that he blames her—he would"ve done the same thing. And in the end, it really worked out.
But Angela isn"t here. Angela had her baby and is taking some time off to reconnect with Mr. Burr and welcome their new bundle of joy into the world. Jonathan knows she"s going stir crazy—they still talk, from time to time—but that doesn"t change the fact that she"s out of the game, at least for now.
If she were here, she"d call them all idiots. She"d roll her eyes at the sales pitch Jonathan"s being given. She"d lay everything out in point blank terms, put all the cards on the table. And she would know better than to try to appeal to his sense of patriotic duty.
She knows he doesn"t have any of that left in him. She knows it has to be personal.
Or, she knew it had to be personal. Because for Jonathan, it...doesn"t, not anymore. It used to. It was about Sophie, Samira. A girl Jonathan could"ve loved, would"ve loved, given just a little more time. Someone he cared for, got attached to, had stolen away from him. The memory of her fueled him and made him able to bring down the infamous Richard Roper.
But something he discovered along the way is that he...likes it. He likes this kind of work. And he is good at it. He has always been malleable, able to conform to whatever people need him to be. Man of many faces, Sophie called him. Cool cucumber, Roper said. They weren"t the only ones to comment on it, nor to desire having it on their side. Jonathan"s always known he"s like that—but working for Angela, for Roper...it showed him how much he enjoys being like that. How much he enjoys using it.
He liked the power, he won"t deny it. Won"t deny he liked the idea of truly being an Emperor of Rome at Roper"s side. But having a taste of it, and then tearing it all down, was so much better.
It"s something he"s been wanting to do again, even if he hasn"t been able to put words to the desire, the itch under his skin. Not until the British Special Services called him in and began their little song and dance.
This. This is what he was made for. So many years burying himself alive just like Roper said, when he should"ve been doing this instead.
So he nods along with everything they"re saying, blank-faced, waiting until their words taper off. They look unsure of themselves now, when faced with Jonathan"s complete lack of reaction. He"s good at that, at giving nothing away. It"s why he was such an excellent asset, to Angela and Roper both.
(He thinks about Roper more than he should, maybe. Every day, at least, and usually multiple times per day at that. He picks up a book and thinks Roper would"ve found it dull. He winks at a waitress to get something off the menu and pictures Roper"s amused smile at how easily he wraps her around his finger. He pulls Jed close and hears Roper talk about her as if she was just an object. He sits in this office with these men and can see nothing but Roper, Roper, Roper.
"Oh, you beauty," Roper says in Jonathan"s dreams, and Jonathan wakes up with both regret and satisfaction thick on his tongue.)
"When do we start?" Jonathan asks, once the men are done blathering on. He"s already impatient, not that he lets any of that show. He misses Angela"s to-the-point way of handling a brief, not this long-winded patriotic crapfest.
The men blink at him, at each other. They look so pleased with themselves, like they"ve done a damn thing right to convince him to do this. It"s pitiful, really. No wonder Roper ran circles around this lot for years. Jonathan could do it too.
They send him home, after a few hours. After the plan has been thoroughly gone over. They seemed unsettled, by the end. Unsure what to do when faced with Jonathan"s neutrality and quick-words. They should get out of this business if they can"t handle that. From what Jonathan understands, this is the kind of thing spies do best. If they can"t put up with it without getting unsettled, then they need to find a new goddamn line of work.
Jed"s there when he gets back to the apartment, as she usually is when not off on visits with her son. She"s on the couch reading a magazine, looks up and smiles at him when he enters. It doesn"t quite reach her eyes, though, not that he expects it to. His smiles rarely meet his eyes the same way, these days.
There"s a hole in Jed that Jonathan understands, a sort of emptiness that no one but the two of them will ever grasp. You can"t go through the things they went through together and not be changed by it. By Roper.
They were changed in different ways, maybe, their endings with Roper very different. But they were changed all the same.
Sometimes, Jed looks at him in a certain way, and Jonathan wonders who she sees. He"d like to say she sees him, sees nothing more than Jonathan, but she doesn"t. It"s not fair of him to expect it of her anyway, considering being just Jonathan is something he isn"t quite sure how to do anymore. He"s been too many people, worn too many masks, going back years before he even met Roper and had that talent honed into something lethal.
He only hopes she doesn"t see Roper when she looks at him.
(In his darker moments, he hopes she does. Because then at least someone else would be seeing what he sees in himself, too.)
"What"s wrong?" Jed asks, after looking at him for only a couple seconds. Knows this version of him extremely well, by now. Knows patterns, at least. Knows his patterns. Enough to know the silence he"s carrying right now is not his normal brand.
"I"ve been given a mission," Jonathan says. It is not, actually, an answer to her question. Jed wants to know what"s wrong, and the truth to that would be nothing. Nothing is wrong. In fact, things are good. He wants this, is itching for it. He wants to be back in the field, face to face with the worst of humanity. He wants to become that, flirt with the edge of it. He wants to prove how he can come back from it again and again, and send them all spiraling. He"s too good at it to not want it.
Roper offered him the world, and Jonathan couldn"t accept. But this is something he can do.
Jed"s expression twists into something complicated. Jonathan gives her time to gather her thoughts, wrap her head around what she knows that means. He goes into the kitchen, gets himself a glass of water. When he comes back out, Jed seems more settled, gaze determined, and Jonathan feels a flare of warmth for her.
If there is one word Jonathan could use to describe Jed, it would be survivor. Roper underestimated her; everyone did, in fact. Even Jonathan, at the start—he saw her as something delicate, something to be protected. A pretty bird in a gilded cage. And while she is those things, she"s also so much more. She"s a woman who carved a place for herself in the world, no matter how terrifying. She"s someone who did whatever it took to take care of a son who didn"t even know her.
She played a massive role in taking down Roper, and that should never be discounted. She"s a survivor. And she understands men like Roper. Men like Jonathan. None of this will shock her. Disappoint her, maybe. Jonathan"s not quite sure.
The fact that she"s here at all is a marvel, to Jonathan. She should"ve run far and run fast after everything was over. Should"ve stayed away from him. Instead, she came back. Kept coming back, acknowledging Jonathan"s mystified looks with nothing more than a cocked eyebrow. Continued to share her life with him when it would"ve been so much simpler to stay in New York.
With her, Jonathan feels the least like Roper he ever does. Because Jed is not just a pretty thing to hang off his arm, never could be. He could never look at her and imagine her as a silly girl who"s fun to fuck. Jed is so, so much more than that, and when she lets him touch her, lets him hold her—it"s a comfort, that he feels honored by it. That he doesn"t take it for granted. That no matter how much he flirts with the edges of being a terrible person, he isn"t actually one.
"Tell me about it," Jed says. The phrase is a demand, but Jonathan knows it"s nothing more than an invitation. She"ll poke at him and roll her eyes if he declines, but she won"t push. She gives him room to breathe. She wouldn"t like every piece of him, not if he were to show them all to her, but she likes enough. Enough to stick around, to ask, to care.
So, Jonathan tells her. Leaves out a fair amount of details, but gives her the broad strokes. Expected time table especially, so she doesn"t sit awake wondering when he"ll be back. Not that things couldn"t go to shit and take longer than expected, but then, such is life.
She doesn"t have much to say, simply takes it all in. Tells him, in turn, about her planned trip back to New York in a few days to spend a couple weeks with her son. He already knew about it of course; he"s too paranoid to not keep track of shit like that, though he tries to not let on so she can come to him and tell him whatever she wants herself. None of it fucking matters if she doesn"t want him to know about it.
So far, the things he knows and the things Jed wants him to know have been a perfect circle, so he hasn"t had to contend with holding secrets she"d rather he didn"t know. It"ll come some day, though. And if it comes out, he knows she"ll be pissed to high hell about it.
(He hopes so, at least. He wants that to be her reaction. He doesn"t want her to swallow her feelings down like she did all too often with Roper.)
The conversation ends soon after, with Jed unfolding herself from her position on the couch to instead come over and straddle his lap, stroking her hand softly through his hair. It"s reassurance, he knows. Jed"s a physical person, always shown her emotions best through her touch rather than her words. When she kisses him now, it"s steady and loving and confident, and Jonathan loves it.
He doesn"t know if he loves her, doesn"t quite know how to feel that, after everything that happened. Doesn"t think she knows her feelings on the subject, either. But love or not, there"s a depth of care here that could never be replicated or replaced. Jonathan feels safe in her touch. It"s not an easy thing for him to feel, but she provides it so readily.
So Jonathan sinks into her hold, and kisses her, and tries to make her feel just as safe with him.
At least for now, he"s pretty sure he succeeds.