Work Text:
Pa cherished those rare moments returning home. Just the four of them.
It made her content. Made her remember all the good times they had together.
The fun.
And the fights, and the love. Everything that made them a family. Everything that made them whole and happy.
Before everything became chaotic and a hard.
Before the half lies started and the smiles that were no real smiles.
Before Pran.
It was not that she blamed him or Hia, how could she, there was nothing to blame, but she never imagined her future like this.
Where her parents would not be part of all of her life, where she had to hide a person from them, just because it was, what it was.
"Hias and Prans wedding was so beautiful" she would like to tell them, "they were so happy that day and everything went so perfectly."
"Hia was loosing his mind when searching for the right wedding bands, it was fun."
"The picture of Koh Larn National Forest you have in the living room, I made it on their wedding day!"
"I wish you could have been there. Hia missed you."
"I missed you."
Ah, it made her just sad thinking about it.
And todays guest, intruder!, made it no better.
Pa really had no idea what possible could have possessed Ma to invite that woman.
Soft eyes and a warm smile, entertaining without grappling all the attention. Beautiful.
It took a moment for her and Hia to realize why Sui was there - she kept hitting on her older brother in a subtle way.
Hia, to her surprise, stayed chill through the whole ordeal.
Charming and smiling, he indulged Sui's questions and stayed a gracious host to a date he had not agreed on.
Ma was pleasantly surprised and Paw, well Paw looked wary.
Every time Hia nodded and smiled his face became a little bit more grim than before.
It was a strange thing. Paw was not blind, neither was Ma.
Both of them knew, they had to, how could they not, that Hia was still with Pran.
Just the way his eyes lit up whenever he received a line, who else but Pran could it be who made him smile like that.
Sometimes Paw wasn't even subtle in his acknowledgement. When Hia bought the apartment in Lat Phrao, Paw was coming along each and every time he could. Pointing out when it was too small, he needed to think about the future, how could a double bed fit is such a small room. Paw even helped him pay during the first year Pran was in Singapore.
They knew.
They had always known.
So, this, that Sui Woman being here, it was a huge, huge deal.
An unspoken agreement, broken.
Hia was seething. She could see it in the way he moved and talked.
Paw could see it too. After all it was Hias work-face. All charming and not a single real smile in sight. It was terrifying in its own way.
Normally, Hia was guarded when he was with Ma or Paw, but he still was himself. He always told them about what he did, just omitted Pran.
When Ma had pointed out the wedding ring he was wearing, all he said, "Yes, it's a beautiful ring. I really like it."
She had always wondered how he could say it like that? Like it meant so little.
Hia did not tell them of the months, the countless nights, all the hours being crazy because only the right material would do. No ordinary fit, Everything about Pran was special. So, the ring had to be special too.
No, Hia went with the flow: It was not for them to know. So he did not tell.
She did not tell.
They did not ask.
She could not understand how this had always been enough for him.
He had never been angry at the situation, after him and Pran had returned from "their first honeymoon".
Always agreeing to what he had to do, to have their parents in his life.
Sometimes she became sad for him, when she thought about it. Sometimes angry.
But she had not seen him anything other but collected about it.
Today was different.
The moment Paw and Ma left the room, his demeanor changed.
Calm and composed, he made it clear to Sui that there was a misunderstanding. He was in a committed relationship. If she please would stop.
To the woman's credit she nodded and only asked if it was ok if she stayed for the food. She had not eaten the whole day and was close to dying.
Hia laughef, a surprised smile on his face.
She grinned and rolled her eyes at mingling parents. Just as easy as that, her attitude changed. No longer hitting on Hia, Sui still kept everyone engaged in delightful conversation for an hour before leaving.
"You are a good guy" she said to Hia. She was clever too. „Please, make sure this won't happen again."
"It won't" answered Hia. "Thank you for being so understanding."
He gave her a hug, one of his earnest one and she left.
-Hia is furious- Pa wrote to Ink, 15 minutes later. -He went to do the dishes by himself!-
- 😱 Your brother hates doing the dishes ‼️-
-I KNOW😵 -
- WTF ⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡ Why am I missing this! -
- I am telling Pran! 🚑 –
While she entertained her parents, thankfully Pran had received her emergency-line and called. Pa heard hushed voices coming from the kitchen.
Hia looked softend as he returned from the kitchen some minutes later.
"You are such a snitch" he complained, his arms outstretched in anticipation of an embrace. As they hugged, she could feel him shaking.
"You can leave early, nobody will bat an eye." he murmured to her hair. "It's ok if you do. It has nothing to..."
She shushed him
"I will not leave you, Hia. Don't be stupid."
There was a moment of silence.
"OK then", her older brother said through a forced smile. "I prepared drinks."
"Good thought", she answered. They would need alcohol. Hia was tense as fuck.
She was tense as fuck.
A nightmare.
This would be a nightmare. She could already tell she would cry herself to sleep in Inks arms.
Really, her week had been hard enough. Her boss hat been hellish and her car broke down in the middle of the night. She deserved better.
Hia deserved better. They all did.
Moments later her older brother carried a tray with drinks for all of them – fruit juice with a shot for her since Ink would be waiting at home and she needed to drive in a half broken car, whiskey for Paw and himself, and a sweet liqueur for Ma.
He served them with the routine of a man who helped out his bar-owing-good-for-nothing-but-awesome-hair-friends for years, his steady hand still not enough to hide the tension in his body.
Placing his drink right next to Ma's, and Paw's drink right next to hers, also gave her amble time to find her place in whatever would follow.
She sat down next to her Paw.
Who, rightfully so, looked worried.
Hia took a deep breath and turned to Ma.
"Thank you for the meal," he said, voice steady and in control. "It was delicious."
Ma smiled, pleased that she had prepared all of Hia's favorite dishes to his liking.
"Ah, it was nothing." she glowed, "That Sui girl was lovely, though, wasn't she?"
Hia nodded, his expression remaining impassive. A look which did not suit him at all."Yes, she was."
"Maybe you could see her again. Her mother is a good friend and..." Ma's voice trailed off, a hopeful smile dancing on her lips.
"Ma, please stop," Hia's voice was soft yet urgent.
A mixture of sadness and frustration lingered within. Her brother, usually this giant teddybear who towered over others not only with his height but confidence, looked lost.
It was not that Ma wasn't perceptive. She was. When she wanted to. When she had all the pointers in front of her. Both Hia and Pa, took after Ma in that instance.
Ma did notice Hias posture. It was too obvious to miss. She reacted quickly, reaching out and grasping his hand with a gentle squeeze.
Her eyebrows furrowed in a questioning expression.
As Hia carefully entangled Ma's hand from his own, Ma's face became still.
Paw said nothing. But the sip he took from his whiskey, said enough.
"Ma", Hia said, "what were you thinking, inviting that girl over?"
He stared down at his hand, his ring a tangible symbol of commitment and love.
Hias fingers curled and flexed around the metal, as if trying to ease the tension that had built up within him.
It took a visible moment to unclench his fist and release the grip on his wedding ring.
"Telling her I was looking to date? I think I made it clear, that I wish to keep my private life separate from...", a sigh, "from Paw and you."
Paw tensed.
Hia and him were alike. He clenched his hands too when he was emotional. He was eager to protect those he loved.
Pa took his tensed hand in her own. It seemed she was like her mother in that aspect too.
Her Paw looked surprised and deflated like a balloon.
Scared he was.
She was too.
"The last time you interfered, Ma, it took me months to clean up after you. After both of you."
Her brother looked tired. Visible resignation that seeped through him.
"Son...?" Ma only slowly recovered from his rejection.
Hia drank his whiskey, in one go.
One of his fake smiles entered his face.
The one he used to hide pain. Pa had seen it so often. They all knew what it meant when his smile did not reach his eyes.
"I was out of my mind when I searched for him, did you know that?" Hia started, his voice flat, looking at his ring as it was the only thing in this world.
"I ran up to our rooms. And his room was empty and my room was empty. And I did not know if he would do something desperate. I mean, he was so, so scared. So, I ran to the stairs, but the elevator was there and I took it."
There was a pause.
Paw squeezed Pas hand hard, while taking another sip from the whiskey.
Ma looked at him. Nervous.
Rightfully so. Hia never really talked about it.
Only ever deflected. Sometimes when he was tipsy, he would say something so earnest, that most of the time Pa did not catch the meaning until later.
'All of it was a real mess, but that's long forgotten. Never mind it.' The biggest grin.
'Ah, you know Pran, when things do not go his way, he gets itchy in his skin' A smile.
'It was a horrible, horrible time’ A laugh. ‘Man, I was scared out of my mind.’ A chuckle.
Sad.
Her brother looked sad. And continued his one-sided conversation with their Paw.
"Do you know, the elevator ride from my floor to the roof takes 20 seconds if uninterrupted" he asked, all of a sudden.
Paw shook his head.
Pa had not known. She had lived in that dorm for years, it never occurred to her to check. Everything under 6 floors, Hia had told her once, is not worth the wait. She listend.
"It's not even long. Twenty seconds. It is nothing. Nothing at all. But..."
" Paw ", he said and his voice quivered, "it felt like hours. Waiting for that ping, until the door opened, it felt like forever."
Hias eyes were empty but clear, tense shoulders, the way he sat in his chair. He seemed ready to jump up at any moment, his feet already positioned for a hasty escape.
A fleeting moment.
It would make a perfect picture, occurred to Pa.
Against a backdrop of stark black and white, the surroundings bathed in a soft, diffused light. All the angles in his face clear to see.
The perfect picture, she would never take, never show, never tell that she even thought about it.
The way he looked at Paw.
So helpless. So scared.
It was nothing she had ever wanted to see.
"You know, " Hia conversely remarked, once again bringing the glass to his lips only to realize it was empty. "I raced up the stairs."
"The door to the roof was closed and I stood there. ...I do not know, how long I stood there."
He sat the glass on the table. And grinned at Paw.
"Wai called me", Suddenly - a rush of words, "You know, he did. He had not found Pran. Demanded to know if I had. Going over any other place he could think of. He sounded just as panicked as I felt."
He groaned. Hias hand clenched close and open again.
"I have not yet, I told him. … I am going to the roof next, I said…. But my fingers", he paused. Such a long pause.
"I couldn't move them."
"Took me forever to move them."
"To push that door open."
There was a silence between them.
Her brother sat there looking at his hand. And they looked at him. Could not look away.
Pa had known, that Hia and Pran had run away for a reason, but she never imagined, it had been this dire.
10 years. Her brother had endured this for ten years.
The semi truth to the family, all the stories not told.
The person, who could not shut up about his Pran, had kept him an open secret to their family.
A shame, who they had not talked about for their parent’s sake.
She always had assumed it had been for their parent’s sake.
For the truce between them. That kept the status quo going.
She had been wrong. It had never occurred to her that she could had been wrong.
"Ma, Paw."
Still, no anger. Why was he not angry?
"There cannot be a repeat of this. Ever."
"You need to understand this. I knew: The moment, I found the courage to open up that door. I knew. I choose him. No harm that I can avoid will reach him. I will do everything I can, to make him happy."
He stood up, calm again.
"So, please." he said.
No, wrong, Pa realized.
He begged.
Not for him, but for them, for their parents. For their family. The four of them. The unity they once had, a long time ago.
"Do not interfere with my private life again. I keep it... No! I keep him separated from you because I do not trust you to do him right. I will not risk it. I will not risk him ever again."
Like so often in their family, he did not said what he meant. Did not give their parent an ultimatum.
He left them their dignity and gave them a way out.
Hia was like that for the people he loved. It did not matter if he won. He just wanted everyone to be happy.
"I see.", Ma answered first.
"I truly overstepped with this one." Paw perched up right next to Pa. Whatever he intended to say was silenced by a glare from Ma. "I will apologize to Sui."
She went up close to Hia. Her hand slowly reaching up to cup his cheeks.
"I respect your private life and the choices you have made to protect it. No more mingling from me, ok?"
Hia nodded, almost shy. "OK, Ma."
She looked back at Paw. Who just shook his head.
"Oh no! I told you this was a bad idea from the start. For once I am not involved. You can feel guilty on your own."
Paw went over to Hia.
The two men stood close. A tenacious brush through Hias hair by Paw followed.
"You should probably call that private life of yours and tell him nobody died."
Hia snorted. "You are ridiculous Paw. I go to my room for a while." Already the phone in his hands.
"Stupid kid." murmured Paw.
Meanwhile Ma perched closer. She dared to smile.After all she had done tonight, she dared to smile.
Pa felt not only angry for her brother, but also for herself.
How could she smile like that!
"They are both ridiculous, it's infuriating." Ma started. "They are so alike sometimes. It's close to impossible to make them talk about things that matter to them."
Pa blinked.
"You did not!"
Her mother grinned. The same grin as Hia.
"Your father needs to be pushed into a place where he needs to fight for what is important to him. To say the things that really matter. Your brother, honey, he is very similar."
"It's been ten years, and he is still angry. He needs us to know. After all, they are thinking about adopting a child. How could he keep hiding Pran from us, if he does that? I just gave him a way in."
"At your expense?!"
Ma sighed.
"Ah, you know, the things we do for the people we love. Things we would never consider to do for anyone else, maybe not even ourselves. We do it for them. It is just the way it is in our little family. It’s the things we do."
The lies they tell.
The words they omitted.
The photos they shared without explaining.
The times they sat together despite being mad.
All the moments in the limbo, between words said and things done.
How she hated it.
Despised herself and them to play along the lies.
It did not matter.
Pa smiled.
Like
she
always
did.