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We All Fall Down, We Live Somehow

Summary:

Lammy is beating herself up after MilkCan's concert ended up being a total failure. After lashing out on her friends and band mates she locks herself up in her apartment. That is, until Parappa comes knocking and offers her some much needed comfort and understanding.

"There is no MilkCan without you, Lammy."

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Lammy had been through literal hell, all of this in her attempt to make it to their live concert in time. She was almost out of breath, carrying her guitar in her hands as she arrived at the venue at the same time with her band mates, Katy and Ma-san. Together, they were MilkCan. And now, they were ready to show the world just what they were made of. They'd been working on their skills ever since the first band practice in middle school. It had been a long road of the usual ups and downs, but now they were finally ready. All of them could feel it. After today, everyone would know and remember the name MilkCan.
They rushed inside, getting their instruments in place. This was it for them; the moment of truth.

It was all going so well at first. Katy was a natural, shining on the stage like she always did. Lammy loved listening to her sing. Katy was never afraid. No, she was the complete opposite, born to be on stage and show the world just what she could do. And Ma-san was killing it with her wicked drumming skills which were out of this world. They both were at their very best. But as for Lammy.. it started going wrong very fast as her nerves got the better of her. Her hands soon began sweating as she began unwillingly imagining all the worst scenarios in her head. She dropped her guitar pick in the middle of a song, and as she stood back up, she could see some people in the audience whispering something to each other. Then the pair turned around and walked away, leaving the venue. Lammy's heart skipped a beat. And it only got worse after that. She began missing notes, making more and more mistakes and making her friends look really bad and unprofessional in the process even though they weren't to blame. It was all her. All of her mishaps led to even more people walking out.. until there was no one left, just the three of them on stage. Lammy felt so ashamed of herself, being almost unable to even look at her band mates. She felt like a complete failure who was only holding the others back, preventing them from breaking through and achieving their dreams.

Ma-san jumped down and started yelling at Lammy in her gibberish language, even going as far as as throwing her drumsticks at the embarrassed sheep, hitting her on the head with them. And the things she was saying.. they were unfiltered and not pretty.
- Ma-san!
Katy interrupted the drummer, trying to hold her back. Of course the cat was as disappointed as everyone else, but she at least did a decent enough job of holding herself back. Finally, it all became too much and Lammy lashed out at her friends which was something she had never done before. Katy and Ma-san stood there, completely taken by surprise as Lammy went over things they had never even imagined could be going on in the young sheep's mind.
- You two don't know what it's like to hate yourselves every day after opening your eyes in the morning!
she yelled, unable to hold herself back anymore.
- Have either of you ever wished you weren't a burden to your friends and everyone you know?!
she continued. Neither Katy or Ma-san knew quite what to say because they were taken by surprise. That was enough for Lammy.
- I didn't think so.. Katy, you could do anything you ever wanted, and you'd look good doing it. When has either of you ever struggled with anything?!
Not giving her friends a chance to say anything, Lammy turned around and left the building through the back door adjacent to the stage. Shameful tears were now rolling down her face. On her way she slammed her beloved guitar in the trash before running the rest of the way back home, locking herself inside her apartment. She would never step foot outside her home again.

For the next few days Lammy stayed cooped up in her apartment, eyes bloodshot from all the crying. She had mainly been laying on the couch, not caring enough to start taking care of herself again. Instead she had been eating things like ice cream, hoping it would either dull the pain or kill her faster. She'd contemplated other options too but didn't have the guts to do it, finding it too painful.
Late one night she suddenly heard a knock on her door. She didn't bother to stand up, instead she only yelled at whoever was behind the door to go away, thinking it was either Katy or Ma-san. She then got slightly surprised when she heard Parappa's voice. She got up on her feet and stumbled her way to the door, slowly opening it. She then immediately saw the beanie-wearing pup standing by her doorstep, with an honestly concerned look in his eyes.
- What do you want?
she asked, not sounding like she cared very much. Parappa swallowed and then began to explain:
- Well, I heard about your concert, and..-
This made Lammy immediately slam the door in his face. However, he reacted fast enough and managed to stop it with his foot.
- I only wanted to talk,
he continued, by now being completely aware of Lammy not sharing his wants or needs. Instead the guitarist had already made her way back into her living room and continued to stuff her face with ice cream once again. Still, Parappa being the good friend that he was, he stayed true to himself and refused to leave his friend alone now that she was feeling sad. So he made the choice to follow her into her apartment and sat down next to her.
- I wouldn't want you to give up on me if our roles were reversed..
he carefully explained as he took the tub of ice cream from her.
- I think you should try to take better care of yourself..
Parappa only meant well, but still his words were thrown right back at his face when Lammy lashed out at him.
- No one would care if I died..! I'm nothing but a failure, a coward, a bad friend, a terrible guitarist..!
She kept talking about herself in endless, negative ways. It was almost too much for Parappa to continue listening. But she wasn't done just yet.
- Even my dad couldn't stand me! He wouldn't have left if he did..!
This was finally enough to break her down completely. Miserably wrapping herself in blankets she melted into a heartbreaking cry. Setting the ice cream aside, Parappa then took the lead and wrapped his arms around Lammy, pulling her into a tight, comforting hug. This took her by surprise and she tried to shift away at first, feeling uncomfortable.
- You're not a failure, or any of those other things you said..
Parappa went on to remind her, keeping his voice soft and quiet, with just enough weight in it to let her know that he was serious.
- You're a great guitarist, you really are. And Katy and Ma-san, they love you. I get that things didn't go the way you had planned, but it won't keep you from getting back up on stage later to try again. In fact, all the things you did and all the trouble you went through to make it to your concert in time? They only show just how much you really care about your band. You're confident enough to perform with your friends, that's.. It's one of the things I love about you..
Having said that, Parappa's voice suddenly trailed off as a light blush appeared on his face. Lammy took on an even deeper shade of red when she realized what Parappa had just said. Taking a breath or two, the pup continued to explain:
- You've got insane skills, no one can play guitar quite like the way you do. But even more than that.. I love how you're kind.. You care about others. You've been there for me more often than I can count.
Hearing this very open and honest confession, Lammy turned into a stuttering mess, twirling her messy hair around her fingers and laughing nervously. Parappa couldn't help but playfully giggle at this sight in front of him. He then also finally handed something to her. It was her guitar.
- I saw you throw this one away, and.. I really think you should hold onto it from now on. Because you do deserve it. And, you gotta tell me when MilkCan plays next, because I want to be there in the crowd,
he said, giving her his promise. Parappa could still see some slight doubt in Lammy's eyes as she took the guitar from him. Slowly running her fingers across the guitar's familiar, smooth surface and touching the strings, she finally turned to look back at him. And when she did, he again took her by surprise as he leaned in closer to softly press a sweet and affectionate kiss straight on her lips. This rocked her in her very core, turning her insides upside down. Still, something about all this made her feel greatly at ease as she let all of her worries go, returning his kiss. They only pulled away from one another when they both were almost breathless. Lammy was feeling more motivated than ever, and all it took was this lovably goofy pup. With him, she felt as if she could do anything as long as she BELIEVED.

Notes:

This idea was suggested by DreamScenario.

The title is from a Linkin Park song, naturally. This time I quoted Sharp Edges.
"We all fall down, we live somehow.
We learn what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."

I forced myself to focus on those lyrics one time during a pretty bad thunderstorm when I was visiting my parents. Being away from home during a storm like that was what freaked me out the most so I made myself think of something that would help me feel calm and safe.

Anyway, here's a new story for you all to read, I know some of you have been waiting kind of impatiently. I hope you all enjoy! 🧡