Work Text:
The celebrations had finally begun now that Zoro and Luffy were awake. A painstakingly long seven days waiting. Half of him wasn’t worried at all, those two always sprung back from whatever they faced. More than anything Luffy was just worn out. Pushing himself to his extremes and soaring far above once again. But Zoro…..he’d been in abysmal shape. Worse than before. Sanji had done everything he could to assist Chopper and Franky in treating him, seeing as he’d triaged his injuries before and could recount them. Once Zoro was settled at the Shogun’s castle his nerves settled a little more, but his skin was still crawling at times. Sitting in the room, keeping a watchful eye on him, it all felt too familiar to after Thriller Bark; the state of his body, waiting for him to wake up if he would.
And he did. And true to himself, the first thing he wanted to do was drink. To which Sanji actually handed him a cup of sake with a smile. A cup he may have taken a drink out of first, but Zoro was eyeing up the alcohol and who was Sanji to refuse someone even when they’re thirsty.
In all the excitement and catching up, he’d forgotten. The moment that Zoro picked up his swords and uttered the promise he’d made to him on the battlefield, a whirlwind of emotions surged in his chest; surprise, fear, guilt, embarrassment. All he could do was avert his eyes, his hand snaking into his hair out of habit, and utter that everything was fine now. In the heat of the moment his request had been real, but now in the calm a part of him regretted it and hoped that it would have remained forgotten. But the moment passed nonetheless. The celebrations continued.
The night had settled in as the celebrations continued. His belly full and thirst quenched-for the moment-Zoro’s thoughts circled back to something very important. Something he needed to find the cook for. A large bottle of alcohol in hand, he traipsed the halls in search of him. The first place he searched was the kitchen. While they were the guests, Sanji could never resist the opportunity to cook or feed people. Especially if it was as lavish a kitchen as this. He’d never admit it out loud or in front of anyone ever-especially Sanji himself-but seeing the cook get excited and passionate about his craft like any of the others warmed his heart.
Looking through a few more rooms, he finally located him amongst a few others of the crew and guests of the castle. Zoro lingered in the doorway for a few minutes, sipping at the bottle in his hand, just watching Sanji. He seemed to be all smiles and bright-eyed. Fawning over the women of the room, mainly Robin who was sitting next to Franky. She returned his smiles and offers of a drink which she then would share with Franky who downed it all in one go-making Sanji sputter and berated him for not properly enjoying it and that it was for Robin. Robin merely giggled at their antics. Zoro couldn’t help but smile as well for a moment.
But then his thoughts cycled back again. Back to what he was originally seeking Sanji out for. Stepping forward he caught him by the arm when he stood up and stepped away from the group for a moment.
“Hey.”
Sanji’s brow raised, surprised to find it was Zoro. “Hm? What?”
“Come with me.” He gave a slight tug on his arm, keeping his voice low.
The surprise left Sanji’s face, replaced by a flat look towards him and lifting his arm out of his light grip. “Why? What, can’t take a piss by yourself, you need assistance?”
“Grr-” Zoro growled, gritting his teeth. An exasperated sigh, he pushed down the annoyance, grabbing hold of his arm again and tugging harder. “-would you just shut up, Curly-brow. Come on. Now .”
“Alright, geez i’m coming. Calm down before you start sprouting actual mushrooms on that fungus you call hair.” Sanji let himself be led out of the room. “Where are we going?”
Zoro unconsciously pulled Sanji’s arm a little closer to him as they walked down the hall, letting their upper arms brush together.“We need to talk. In private.”
“.......”
It wasn’t hard to find an empty room away from everyone else. It was a big castle. Once inside, Zoro shut the door, only leaving a slight opening for the moonlight to stream in leaving the room in a blue hue
Sanji stopped in the middle of the room, turning to face Zoro as he shut the door. “Okay, so you wanna talk? What is it?”
Zoro crossed his arms, standing like a barrier between him and the door as he uttered his next words. “You tell me.”
“Er-what?” Sanji sputtered. “You’re the one that pulled me in here to talk! How am I supposed to know what this is about?” Rummaging in his yukata, he pulled out a cigarette, fumbling to light it while glaring at him and trying to move towards the door. “Tch, you’re drunk aren’t you?”
Zoro sighed, rolling his eye. “Geez, you’re such a pain in the ass.”
Sanji plucked the unlit cigarette from his lips, getting even closer. “Quit dancing around it then, Mosshead.”
“You’re the one that should.” Zoro fired back.
“What’s that mean?” Their faces were inches from each other.
“Just…” Zoro took a breath, lifting his free hand to placate him. “Sit down.”
A moment of contemplation, but Sanji backed off, crossing his arms. “Fine.”
Zoro waited until Sanji sat down in the middle of the room, before he moved forward to sit down himself. He gave ample space between them. While he’d successfully corralled Sanji for the moment, he still stayed just a bit in the path of the door. He set his bottle of booze in the space between them; an olive branch. And Sanji understood what it meant for him to willingly share it.
They stayed quiet for a few moments. The distant sounds of the capital party as a backdrop, while running water of the garden outside bubbled loudly with the occasional loud clunk of the bamboo rod against the rock.
Talking about emotions and….delicate things weren’t either of their strong suits. Zoro was the strong, silent type, talking colorfully about things wasn’t his prerogative. Sanji was the suave, precise type, wearing his heart on his sleeve-but carefully. There were things that he kept veiled, making him an enigma, and with his sharp tongue he could wiggle his way out of conversations he would rather not partake in. So to start this conversation, he had to be a bit more leading.
“Tell you what, I had the craziest dream while I was asleep.” He let himself sit back casually, one leg up and an arm resting atop it, while Sanji sat cross-legged.
“You mean when you were near death?”
He smirked. “Hmph, pretty sure I met Death itself.”
“Huh?” Sanji’s brow furrowed, gawking at him in skepticism. “You’re exaggerating right?”
“No way.” Zoro shook his head. “Can’t mistake a dark-hooded skeleton with a scythe for anything else. Not even Brook.”
Reaching forward, he grabbed the bottle, taking a drink as his tone sombered, voice even lower. The memory replayed in his head, his eye stared up towards the ceiling at it. “I couldn’t move, couldn’t run away or fight back. It was coming for me, ready to cut my soul out.” His fingers closed around the neck of the bottle hanging in them a little more. “It’s presence. I felt it. It was the real deal.”
He chose not to mention the way his heart shuddered in that memory. The panic he did feel, unable to move and leaving him nothing but a trembling, helpless figure before death.
“Well you’re still here, so obviously it didn’t succeed.” Sanji still kept his eye closed and arms folded, keeping the conversation at arms length. “You’re practically too stubborn to die.”
“Dying means losing. And I said I would never lose again until i’m the greatest swordsman.”
A hum of acknowledgment was all he got.
Zoro let his gaze come back down to focus solely on Sanji.“But this time was different.”
“How so?” That was able to beckon Sanji’s gaze up, eye open thinly and met his.
He went to dip into the waters. “While my dream is important, I also had a promise to keep.”
Those waters rippled as Sanji’s form tensed up, eye widening for a moment. His arms came unfolded, resting his hands on his legs as he averted his gaze.“.......Oh….yeah.”
“I meant it when I said I came back from hell for it.”
Just like before, his hand snaked into his hair, grasping at it. “Well, you didn’t have anything to worry about. So like I said, just forget it.”
Sanji would rather be anywhere but here currently. This was not the conversation he wanted to have. Why couldn’t Zoro just let it go? Was he trying to mock him or interrogate him? Zoro let another poignant moment of silence fall over them before his voice ruptured it; direct, but solemn.
“I need to know why.”
“.....Why what?” Sanji’s voice came out a bit rugged, trying to hide in the curtain of his hair still.
“Why you would ask me to kill you.”
“.........”
Sanji’s fingers tensed and tightened in his hair, head sinking down lower. Why? He had a reason why. But to actually voice it. It remained trapped and caged in his throat, pushed down into his chest. Zoro took an audible breath through his nose, adjusting his position so that he was sitting up more straight, and shifted closer to Sanji, the space between them shortened to a few mere feet. He took another drink, then set the bottle back between them.
“I have no idea what was happening with your fight, in fact, I have no idea what even happened with you on Whole Cake Island and Big Mom. You’ve always been a self-sacrificial bastard, but this is a new level asking me of all people to take your life.”
That got Sanji to untangle his hand, lifting his head to look at him quizzically. He looked a bit surprised, but his voice remained reserved. “I thought Luffy or the others would’ve told you about what happened.”
Zoro shrugged. “Vaguely. But not everything. They pretty much said it wasn’t for them to tell. But knowing you, you’re never going to come out and just talk about it. You’re just gonna carry it around like a kicked dog until it does kill you.”
Or course he’d work in a simile like that. Sanji rolled his eye, reaching forward to snatch the bottle between them and take a drink. “How quaint of you to put it like that.”
“Sanji,” He let the use of his name hang thick in the air, “i’m serious.”
It was always nicknames and teasing names between them. Mainly Zoro towards Sanji. For him to use his actual name, in that hardened tone, it gave Sanji pause, pressing his lips together to keep it all pushed down still. Zoro would have to dig a little further.
“Look,” He started, huffing, “i’m the vice captain. I have no problem carrying out requests or orders as needed without question. Whatever’s needed for the crew. I’m the strong one for that to take it on my shoulders. But, despite that, I need to understand why. So, tell me.”
“........”
He was coaxing him. Coaxing yet commanding him at the same time. It was frustrating. There was no way out either. But, a part of him was wanting to just spill his guts. That same urge that was pulled out of him by Luffy once before on that field on Whole Cake Island. Albeit, no punches being thrown at him in this case to get that result.
Just tell the truth. There’s no way around it.
Tipping his head and the bottle back, he took a long drink, gasping a little when he finally released it. Liquid courage never hurt either.
Letting the sharp, bitter liquid warm his throat, he adjusted his own position, bringing a knee up to wrap his arm around it with the bottle still in hand. He kept his eye cast downward, staring through the floor as he started. His voice was quiet, haunted. “Did they tell you who I am? What Queen called me?”
“Somewhat,” Zoro answered, “ back on Zou when Nami, Brook, and Chopper told us what had happened. Vince-something-”
“Vinsmoke.” Sanji interjected. Like glass through his lips to utter it. He took another drink to wash away the feeling with the burn of alcohol. “That used to be my family name.”
“.......” Zoro didn’t have a retort. He just let Sanji continue, but his chest twinged as the next sentence sounded so devoid of emotion, and Sanji stared straight ahead.
“The Vinsmoke family of the North Blue. Rulers of the evil Germa 66 “kingdom”.”
“Never heard of them.”
“Being from East Blue, I never expected you to.”
“What makes them evil?”
Another drink. “They’re conquerors of the North Blue. Tried to do the same in the East, but didn’t quite succeed. That’s how I ended up there from the North. But that doesn’t even begin to describe the horrible things they do.”
There were ghosts in Sanji’s one visible eye. A dark haunting that loomed over him. Zoro just continued to ease it along. Keep the words flowing. “Like what?”
“Besides feeding war, human experimentation and cloning. No consideration for life or anyone but themselves….” Sanji muttered the last sentence, taking yet another drink. One simple sentence that replayed countless memories-ones of the far past and recent.
“Hmph, well that doesn’t sound like you.”
“It’s not.” His fingers tightened around the bottle’s neck. His brow furrowed even tighter, voice rigid. “I’m not a Vinsmoke. I left that name behind.”
“Sounds like a good choice you made.”
“Mm.” He hummed, a bit less tense. “There wasn’t any other choice. I only made it out because of my sister, Reiju. She’s not like the rest of them.”
I used to not be like the rest of them.
He tipped the bottle back again, washing down that thought and its attached emotions. There was a pool of alcohol sitting in his stomach now, burning and twisting in his chest. A slight tingle that ran through his nerves, numbing them. His cheeks were slightly tinted pink now, visible even in the dim moonlight.
“Oi. Maybe ease up for a minute.” Zoro reached out, hand hovering near. “You’re hogging all the booze.”
The bottle was shoved into his hand without resistance. “Here.”
Taking the bottle in hand, rather than take a drink himself, Zoro stared at the open top. “So this Judge was your father.”
Without the bottle, Sanji’s hand tightened into a fist. “I’ve never called him that since I left. The old geezer, Zeff back at Baratie, he’s more of a father than he could ever be.” Now there was venom seeping into his tone. The alcohol in this point acting as a catalyst rather than a suppressant. “Not like Judge ever wanted me in the first place, the only reason he “wanted” me for that wedding was to be a sacrifice. So he wouldn’t have to give up any of his precious successful children to Big Mom. Up until then I was dead to them, never even existed, just like he wanted.”
Zoro’s brow furrowed subtly. While Sanji kept things at the bare bones of the truth, the underlying details were sprinkled in, unable to be completely masked.
“Talk about a prick.” He muttered, taking a drink. Only now the alcohol tasted more bitter than pleasant.
“Yeah.”
“What makes the rest of them so special?” Zoro asked, gesturing towards Sanji. “It’s not the curly brows is it?”
“No.” Not even that comment was deterring him as his tone stayed solid. “Soldiers of Germa 66 are perfect. They’re obedient, durable, and emotionless. They’ll follow orders without fail. Judge wanted more for his children……..he wanted the ultimate, powerful soldiers.”
Zoro invoked silence again as he let Sanji continue. Let the story keep going at his own pace. But to be frank, much of this story even at the tip here was making parts of his skin crawl.
“It started with Reiju, she was born before me. Then they experimented again when my mother was still pregnant with four more of us.”
“They what?” He was actually taken aback, eye widening.
Sanji didn’t look at him, eye still affixed to the same spot, the distant look in his eye exhibiting that haunting memories were at the helm currently. “Judge’s children were born with special enhancements that developed as they grew. Super strength, speed, durability, and completely devoid of emotion. They didn’t feel fear or remorse.”
“So you were-”
“No.” Sanji cut him off, shaking his head. “Like I said, the others were his successful children. I was the failure. I didn’t get any of the enhancements once I was born. I was completely human.”
A pitiful laugh found its way out of Sanji’s throat as he looked down at his hands in his lap. “Ironic how I was the success of my mother’s attempt to stop Judge’s plans. She sacrificed her own life for it; died when I was eight.”
Zoro didn’t remember his mother. He had no frame of reference for what the experience of having one was like, nor losing one. But he had lost people, so he could emphasize that pain, only much deeper probably.
“Sorry to hear that” He murmured, voice softer. “Sounds like she was a strong woman. To stand up to someone like that.”
And he meant that. He barely knew anything about this Judge Vinsmoke and yet there were enough pieces to put together a picture to spell out that messing with someone like him was dangerous. One mere woman stood up to his ideals and actually won, at the cost of her own life that she gladly gave, and for her child. Like Toki for Momo and Hiyori. Zoro could respect that greatly. The next drink from the bottle was for her. The alcohol tasted better again.
“She was.” Sanji uttered, a shake in his frame as he exhaled.
“So you didn’t get the enhancements.” Zoro kept the discussion moving. Dwelling on a hard memory like that would only keep them in circles here. “You’re still plenty strong even for a human.”
Sanji scoffed, jeering his head at him.“You must be drunk yourself to be saying that.”
Zoro returned the look with a tilt of his head. Did he really want to play this game? The bottle was set down audibly with a thunk . “You took on Doflamingo to protect the crew, Big Mom’s crew to help ours escape Dressrosa, you practically took the lead on Zou, and held off King and Queen on your own until you then beat Queen yourself. I can’t deny strength like that. You’re one tough bastard yourself, even if you get on my nerves.”
It seemed to work as Sanji gave a bit of a smirk, raising his head and posture back up a bit.
“Yeah? Back atcha Mossball.”
“Hmph.” The smirk was returned, letting it linger between them for a peaceful moment. But there was still some way to go on the objective here. The smirk fell back to a neutral expression. “So all that has a connection to your fight with Queen. How does that fit into it?”
Sanji mirrored him, shoulders falling as his eye found another place to look again. Now they were getting to the core of it, inevitably. He’d already spilled a portion of his guts here, no place to go but ahead. “......Queen was obsessed with the Vinsmokes. Their technology and enhancements. My raid suit was Germa tech. Useful for the few times I used it, as much as I hate to admit it. But I destroyed it.”
He could still feel and hear the crunch of the canister beneath his foot. The frustration, but the freedom it poured out. Like he had stamped out the connection between him and them. Saying once again he didn’t need them. Even if it was just a farce considering the state of his body.
“Good. You looked ridiculous anyway.”
Sanji glared over at him with an unamused look. “Not the point.”
“Then what?”
His jaw clamped shut again. His stomach was turning, chest tightening. Last wall. If he said it, there was no going back. It would be out in the open. Sure, Chopper already saw what had happened, but he also hadn’t questioned him yet. Saying it out loud also meant accepting that it was real. Once he said it he couldn’t try to pretend anymore, the reality would set in full. His hands tightened in the fabric of his yukata. Would Zoro even understand or believe him?
His silence dragged on a moment too long for Zoro as he urged him, brow knit. He was still trying to give him some leeway, but bordering that vice captain command. “Come on. You already dumped all this other shit on me, so spit it out.”
“Hit me.” The command left his lips before he could stop it.
“Huh?”
“You heard me, loser Mosshead.” Sanji lifted his head, tilting it at Zoro. He laced his tone with a poor attempt of the usual one that came out during their spats. “What, you got moss growing into your ears now?”
Entice him. Poke and prod the temperamental bear.
“What does that have to do with this?” Zoro sputtered, bewildered, leaning forward. “Are you seriously picking a fight now?”
Sanji leaned forward as well to meet his head, only a few inches between them. “You were just ready to kill me before this, now you’re being a coward!” Just hit me already, you idiot!
Zoro growled, narrowing his eye in annoyance. “You’re getting more twisted than those damn eyebrows. Quit stalling.”
For all the times for teasing and insults to not work, this was the worst time. The cook had had enough, already on a short emotional rope as he snapped back, reaching into his yukata.
“Ugh-you know what, here. Watch.”
Zoro’s eye widened as out of nowhere Sanji produced a knife. There wasn’t time to think about where and why he had it as he placed his arm flat on the floor-then raised the knife up!
Surging forward, Zoro snatched his raised wrist just as it was coming down.“Hey-what the hell are you doing?!”
Sanji’s one eye glared up at him, something dark in them. It was unnerving. “Let go.”
“Hell no!” Zoro screeched, only tightening his grip as Sanji tried to pull away. “You preach about keeping your hands safe all the damn time and now you’re about to just cut one off in front of me?!”
His wrist was wrenched out of his grip with surprising strength, Sanji’s other hand pushing Zoro back. “Just shut up and watch!”
“Hey-!” Zoro steadied himself, but not in time to try and stop the cook again as he brought the knife down on his exposed wrist.
His heart stopped. He expected blood. He expected a horrific scream.
But instead-
CLANG
There was no blood. No scream. Just a resounding clang of metal. The blade of the knife was in two pieces on the floor. Sanji’s arm was unharmed, not a scratch to be found. The rustle of trees outside, distant music and cheers from the celebration, the thunk of the bamboo rod echoed in the silence they were left in.
He could only stare, dumbfounded. Breathless, he whispered. “Sanji…..what the hell?”
The handle of the now broken knife dropped from his hand. “I was human. Not anymore……”
Now Zoro could see. See the monster he’d become.
“Wearing the raid suit, it awakened my abilities.” He continued as Zoro just stared at him and the knife still, his voice low and rough. “It’s why I started feeling weird while we were fighting. They were activating. A hardened exoskeleton, faster speed, and faster healing.”
Zoro’s brow furrowed, regaining a bit of composure. He remembered it, and remembered how he chastised Sanji for it. They were in the middle of an all-out battle, the cook could’ve just been making excuses, being whiny again.. That’s what he told himself. But now the truth laid before him. That was happening right at that moment to him.
“Queen tried to hit me with a giant blade.” Sanji’s hand came up his neck, cupping the side of it from the recounted memory. “It broke across my neck, and I didn’t even flinch or feel a thing-didn’t even realize what had happened until I saw it in two pieces on the floor.” Two-pieces, just like the knife before them.
“You didn’t want that?” Zoro questioned.
“Not with what could come with it.” Sanji answered. “I told you, the others, my…brothers…..they have all these enhancements. But they’re nothing but emotionless robots.”
The final pieces clicked into place. The painted picture clear. “........You thought you were becoming one of them.”
The hand that was cupped around the side of his neck, went into his hair, just life before. The action was starting to become clear that it was an emotional tendency for the cook. It also showed how carefully he’d hidden all these things from them up to this point; the whole time he’d known him he’d never noticed a tendency like that. It made Zoro wonder if there were times though that it happened, and they were all completely unaware; while he would hide in the galley cooking for them, doing inventory in the pantry, late at night on watch in the crow’s nest alone?
“Everything I was up until this point, felt like it was vanishing.” Sanji’s voice fought to not shake. He was starting to ramble, but he’d opened the floodgates. The last person he wanted it to be open to was Zoro, but it couldn’t be helped now. “Everything my mom did to try and prevent it from happening to where it cost her her life. I was human. I carried her memory and kindness. I failed to be a soldier for Judge, but I could be the son my mother loved. But then-” His hand clutched at his hair, pulling hard.
“You don’t need to say anymore.” Zoro murmured, voice calm and quiet. “I get the picture now.”
But he couldn’t stop, not even an uncharacteristically gentle Zoro could stifle it. The pain of his hair tugging from the roots was all he could do to keep the tears from coming out. He wouldn’t start crying. Not now. Not in front of Zoro. He’d had enough of crying about this. “I couldn’t bear to think about it then. If I was becoming one of them, if I was going to lose all of myself, to fail now what my mother sacrificed everything for-I couldn’t live with that. To put the crew through that, and the possibility that I could put them in danger by becoming a heartless monster that wouldn’t care. I thought I was finally free of Germa….once and for all….but it still lingers. Mocking me.”
He took a shaky breath in as he fished around in his yukata again. This time he brought out a new cigarette, clenching it between his teeth and then lighting it. It took several tries to get the lighter to ignite properly. Taking a long drag, he blew the smoke out with it still in his mouth.
“I asked you to kill me because out of anyone, you could, and you wouldn’t hesitate. I could trust you to do it, and if anything…….it would let me hold out and not lose my mind until I could finish fighting; my last act as myself.”
“But you didn’t after all.” Zoro’s voice cut through the smoke.
“Sorry I got your hopes up for nothing then.” He took another drag, the burn of nicotine was working to quell the rising peak of emotion. “But there may still be the chance I do…..either way i’m still physically a monster now.”
“So you can break blades on your body,” Zoro shrugged, “not much different than haki.”
“I can’t be cut.” His lips pressed together tightly, bending the cigarette. “I can’t even bleed like a normal person anymore. I bet if I tried to break my own neck it’d just go right back into place.”
He saw Zoro move out of the corner of his eye. He thought he was just shifting his position. But in a flash of movement, suddenly his back hit the floor. His cigarette fell from his mouth. A hand pressed down on the front of his shoulder. Light pressure was against his neck, something sharp, something burned on his skin.
Opening his eye, Zoro’s pierced down at him as he stood overtop of him. His hand was firm against his shoulder, keeping him down even though he wasn’t making any means to struggle. Sanji’s own body trembled at the slight agitation of his old injuries; kind of ironic considering how he was just talking about fast healing. Zoro’s other hand……was holding Wado against his neck.
“Enough.” Zoro seethed. But not in anger. “The kind of body you have? Being able to bleed?” Wado pressed tighter, actually making him tense up underneath it. “You think that’s all that makes you human? Or the lack of that makes you a so-called “monster”? Take a look at your own damn crewmates. Chopper, Franky, Brook.”
Sanji winced. Of course he’d never think of any of them as inhuman or horrible monsters because of that. That was obviously the point Zoro was trying to make, and aimed to make him regret his own thinking.
Wado eased off his neck, and so did the pressure on his shoulder. Despite the blade leaving, the slight burn didn’t leave.“You’re not becoming anything. You’re just afraid, and you need to get over it. Stop making excuses and look at what’s really in front of you about this.”
As Zoro leaned back, wiping off the blade and resheathing it, Sanji lifted a hand to his neck, pressing the spot where he felt the slight burn and sting. His hand felt wet, and raising his hand up, he saw the tiniest bit of red.
Blood.
“Ask yourself this: do you really think anyone else on this crew would have a problem with how you’ve physically changed like this? That Luffy would? If you say yes, then maybe I’ll kill you instead for disrespecting your captain.”
All he could do was stare at the splotch of red against his skin. Would they? Of course they wouldn’t. They were all too kind for that. And Luffy…..Luffy would only smile at him.He’d probably ask for a playful spar, wanting to see all his new abilities. The memory of that field on Whole Cake Island echoed behind his eyes again. Even then, he hadn’t cared who Sanji was besides the cook of the Strawhats. He forgave him-no he was never even angry with him. He fought tooth and nail for him. Luffy always saw his kindness, and loved him simply for that. That same pure love and kindness just like his mother’s. And when he’d returned to Sunny all he’d been met with was love. Chopper hadn’t let go of him for a whole hour.
He had done it again. He’d acted like an idiot. Hiding from his friends, trying to throw himself on a knife to protect them from himself and the Vinsmoke lineage. Last time it was a punch from Luffy to knock some sense into him. This time a blade to his throat from Zoro.
Letting the blood specked hand fall out against the floor, his other came up to cover his eyes. Shield the tears and try to stop them again as they begged to run out. He bit down on his lip, clenching his jaw. One or two tears fell out of the corners and down the side of his head, past his ears. Taking in a shuddering breath, he finally removed his hand to try and sit up. There was no resistance from Zoro who moved back, sitting near him again.
He tried to be subtle about wiping his eyes, but that was moot. How pathetic could he be?
“So i’m not a heartless bastard today.” He turned his head away. “But you never know. I never expected this to happen either.”
“Sanji.”
“Sanji.” He repeated.
He was being exasperating, and he knew it. But, even making the progress upwards here, that fear still clawed its way inside and hung on. The shuffle of Zoro’s robes and clattering of his swords, he thought for sure the swordsman was leaving now. Finally done with the conversation.
Instead, the hilt end of Wado was extended out from Zoro’s hip and hooked under Sanji’s chin, turning his face towards him.
“Look.” He kept the end of Wado against the edge of his chin so he couldn’t look away. Forced to stay on Zoro.. “Stop worrying. You’re still you. You’re still the annoying, flirt shit-cook we know.” The end of the hilt lifted up to lightly tap against his forehead. “Now you just have an even thicker skull.”
“But-”
“But what?” Zoro huffed. He knew Sanji was stubborn but this was almost absurd. “If anything you
could rub this in Germa’s face. They tried to call you a failure, but you got all they tried to fault you for not having on top of having what they tried to fault you for having. You’re able to be a monster and human. Laugh at them. They were wrong. You’re more than they could ever hope to be, and they don’t get an ounce of credit.”
“Zoro….”
Wado receded again as Zoro folded his arms. Time for a bigger strike. “Answer this: you really think your mother would hate you for this?”
Sanji’s eye widened. “Wha-......no…..she never hated anyone. Even my brothers, despite being how they were, she didn’t hate them.”
Zoro raised a knowing brow. “So stop worrying about that too.”
Sanji let out a sharp sigh, twisting to the side, letting his forehead rest in his hand. “I wish I could stop being such a burden to the crew. I know Luffy would never think that either, but still, all he and others went through to help me, only for this to happen.”
Enough was enough. A blade to his throat. Spelling it out for him. What the hell more was needed? With a huff, Zoro reached forward with a hand, burying it into Sanji’s hair around the back of his head. “Come here, you stubborn bastard.”
Forcing Sanji’s head back forward, he pulled the cook in, pressing his head into his shoulder; a half-hug of sorts. He could feel outright the way Sanji tensed up in surprise and inhaled sharply. Sanji would chalk it up to the alcohol, but Zoro was pleasantly warm. He smelled of fresh soap mixed with rich sake. While his heart thundered in his chest at the sudden affectionate contact, it started to calm as well.
“Chopper calls me reckless with my life, but you’re suicidal tendencies are a whole other level.”
“Huh?” He turned his head a little towards Zoro’s neck.
“The way you try to sacrifice yourself so much, one really would think you have a death wish.” Ever so subtly, Zoro’s hand pressed into Sanji’s head a little harder.
“I would think you wouldn’t care about that.” Sanji couldn’t help but let the snippy comment come out. Half a tease, half serious. He wasn’t too sure which he was going for right now. His mind a whole muddled mess of spiraling, rising, then back to spiraling through this whole conversation.
“Shut up.” Zoro repeated. “How many ways do I gotta say it? You’re part of the crew. No one gets left behind here, and we’ll fight for each other no matter what. That includes you, dumbass.” This time the effort wasn’t made to be subtle as he pressed Sanji into him further.
The fight was leaving him, but not yet as he muttered from within the crook of Zoro’s neck now. “I figured you’d hate me enough for the whole Big Mom situation.”
Zoro grit his teeth, closing his eye. “I hate that you didn’t even attempt to ask us for help. You chose to sacrifice yourself instead. You made that choice after everything we’ve already been through. Robin tried to do the same and we fought for her, you included. So why the hell would you think you’re special to not warrant that?”
Sanji tensed up again for a moment. “You don’t even know what I did on that island…….I was even more stupid than that-”
“Did you apologize?”
He flinched against him, but answered. “Yeah, more or less.”
“Then I don’t care.” Zoro answered back without pause. “You realized you screwed up. You came back. You helped make sure you all got out alive. Time to move on.”
Sanji’s body relaxed again as he sighed. “You make it sound easy.”
“Now with an enhanced body, you better not try that self-sacrificial crap even harder. Like I said this was a new level offering up your life to me .”
Sanji pressed his lips together, the guilt ebbing through again. “......Are you going to tell Luffy?”
“No.” He paused, eye staring straight ahead. “Nothing happened. Right?”
Nothing happened.
The twitch of Sanji against him indicated the understanding. Slowly, Sanji nodded against his shoulder. “Right.”
The grip lessened, but he didn’t push Sanji away nor did Sanji make to move away from Zoro and his hold. “If it gets you to stop worrying, i’ll still keep it in mind. I’m not one to break promises.”
“Really.” It sounded like he already believed him, but was still curious.
He was moved this time, as Zoro used the grip on the back of his head to make him sit up straight and look him level in the eye. “If you have to die, if there’s anyone that will take your life one day, then it will be me.”
Zoro’s fingers grasped firmly in his locks of hair. “ Your life belongs to me, no one else can kill you and you’re not allowed to die any other way and not until you find that damn All Blue. Those are my terms if you’re really so hell bent on it.”
Sanji just blinked at him for a moment, processing the words spoken to him, before he took a breath and all the tension left his body. “Alright.”
“Pain in my ass.” Zoro pulled on his hair this time, reaching with his other hand for the bottle of alcohol. The rough tug made Sanji yelp, reaching up to try and free his head from the swordsman’s grip. When that failed he grasped wildly for the bottle that Zoro was tipping back and chugging down.
“Hey-come on! Freakin’ Mosshead! You can let go now! Ow-!”
Zoro just laughed, wiping his mouth, and continuing to drink as they haphazardly fell into a wrestling match.