Work Text:
Abstract: This analysis examines whether there’s any sort of significant correlation between a British monarch’s regnal name and how funny their personality/behavior is to me personally.
Null hypothesis: All the regnal names will average out to five or something and the Henrys won’t be more or less funny than, say, the Elizabeths or the Williams.
Method: I started from William the conqueror and ranked every monarch down to the Charles III on a scale of 1-10 based on how much they amuse me. This is NOT a ranking of how good they were as rulers or parents or anything that actually matters. I didn’t include the Anglo-Saxon kings because I’d probably rank Aethelred the Unready 10 based on that that painting of him holding a sword that looks like a cucumber and the data shouldn’t have such a blatant outlier in there. Also I’m not ranking the monarchs’ personal names, so there aren’t going to be any Alberts or Davids in here.
Descriptive Statistics
| Regnal Name | Count | Average Ranking | Median Ranking |
| Richard | 3 | 9 | 9 |
| Elizabeth | 2 | 7.5 | 7.5 |
| George | 6 | 7.2 | 7.5 |
| Henry | 9 | 6.4 | 7 |
| Mary | 2 | 6 | 6 |
| James | 2 | 5.5 | 5.5 |
| William | 4 | 5 | 5 |
| Edward | 8 | 4.8 | 4.5 |
| Charles | 3 | 4.3 | 4 |
Note: names that were only used by one monarch had a mean name ranking of 5.9 and a median ranking of 6. This means it’s scientific trufax that even if your name only happens once you’re still more likely to be funnier than a James, William, Edward, or Charles.
It also seemed worthwhile to analyze whether names make someone funnier/more boring the more times they are used.
Conclusion: the British royal family needs to get OVER the War of the Roses already and name an heir Richard again. Maybe skip ahead to Richard VII somehow.
End notes: Here’s my raw rankings lol
| Name | Number | Ranking | House | Notes |
| William | I | 3 | Normandy | Boooooring |
| William | II | 5 | Normandy |
A possibly gay king that made everyone mad but others later down do this archetype better
|
| Henry | I | 10 | Normandy |
Gaslight gatekeep girlboss
|
| Stephen | I | 4 | Blois |
Sounds like fun to party with but GOD the anarchy rulers bore me
|
| Matilda | I | 4 | Normandy |
Escape in the snow is fun but GOD the anarchy rulers bore me
|
| Henry | II | 9 | Angevin |
What a piece of work
|
| Henry | N/A | 1 | Angevin |
EVERYONE forgets this guy lol
|
| Richard | I | 9 | Angevin |
Immediately earns a lot of points for trying to order a roast chicken in a brothel while he was supposed to be incognito
|
| John | I | 6 | Angevin |
Feels like he would be funnier if I did more reading on him…. The Magna Carta of it all makes him pretty funny automatically however
|
| Henry | III | 5 | Plantagenet |
Kind of feels like a median. So let's give him the platonic ideal of a median number
|
| Edward | I | 3 | Plantagenet |
All he does is have rebellious kids, invade scotland, eat hot chip, and lie
|
| Edward | II | 10 | Plantagenet | OBVIOUSLY |
| Edward | III | 7 | Plantagenet |
Diminishing returns when your reigns starts out with the absolute hilarity of your usurping regents calling Parliament to try and get you installed as king but everyones like ??? So the regents go YEAHHHH out of the corner of their mouths like they do in A Knight's Tale when no one understands wtf Chaucer is doing
|
| Richard | II | 8 | Plantagenet |
This is for the pointy shoes
|
| Henry | IV | 3 | Lancaster |
His funniest moments were before he became king I think
|
| Henry | V | 7 | Lancaster |
Might be overrating him due to surviving an arrow to the face
|
| Henry | VI | 5 | Lancaster |
The first historically documented dozen. Paved the way!!
|
| Edward | IV | 5 | York |
Someone who marries a """""commoner""""" should be more interesting than this
|
| Edward | V | 2 | York |
Only interesting because of the mystery of his death (Richard did it btw)
|
| Richard | III | 10 | York |
Love him or hate him you ARE talking about him and his parking lot
|
| Henry | VII | 8 | Tudor |
Why so underrated
|
| Henry | VIII | 10 | Tudor |
Have to give a 10 to the guy who has a whole cottage industry devoted to how awful he was as a husband
|
| Edward | VI | 4 | Tudor |
Sort of funny he went "those rules are made up" and wrote his sisters out of their father's will
|
| Jane | I | 9 | Grey |
1 point for each day she was queen!
|
| Mary | I | 6 | Tudor |
Honestly she bums me out and not in a funny way
|
| Philip | N/A | 1 | Habsburg |
Biggest mehhhh of all time
|
| Elizabeth | I | 9 | Tudor |
I feel like I'm more into her before she becomes queen than after. Blame the royal diaries!
|
| James | I | 7 | Stuart |
Local king can't stop promoting his boyfriends and translating the bible
|
| Charles | I | 2 | Stuart |
Sorry but I just can't get into Catholic vs Protestant slapfights ever and Charles doesn't have the charisma to get around that fatal flaw
|
| Charles | II | 7 | Stuart |
Here for a good time AND a (kinda) long time
|
| James | II | 4 | Stuart |
I STILL don't care about Catholic vs Protestant slapfights!!
|
| William | III | 5 | Orange-Nassau |
[Billy Joel voice] A king William back again!
|
| Mary | II | 6 | Stuart |
I think it's because she and William are portrayed as Matched Set Do Not Separate but she's a bit more interesting than she gets credit for sometimes. Both of them actually. Maybe I just like the gay rumors
|
| Anne | I | 8 | Stuart |
I also enjoy the Favourite (2018)
|
| George | I | 7 | Hanover |
Hanoverians are amusing
|
| George | II | 8 | Hanover |
Hanoverians are SO amusing
|
| George | III | 9 | Hanover |
HANOVERIANS ARE SO AMUSING (especially this dude, read up on all the drama with his children for more details)
|
| George | IV | 8 | Hanover |
Hanoverians are still so amusing
|
| William | IV | 7 | Hanover |
Oh these Hanoverians
|
| Victoria | I | 9 | Hanover |
Technically a Hanoverian but when you have a whole era named after you your first name kind of supplants everything yeah
|
| Edward | VII | 8 | Saxe-Coburg and Gotha |
Jesus christ look at that House name…
|
| George | V | 4 | Saxe-Coburg and Gotha |
Had a lot of hobbies but wasn't funny about it like Edward II
|
| Edward | VIII | -1 | Windsor |
A charisma black hole I fear
|
| George | VI | 7 | Windsor |
His nickname was Bertie. BERTIE!
|
| Elizabeth | II | 6 | Windsor |
The people around her tend to entertain me more
|
| Charles | III | 4 | Windsor |
Giving him some points for laughing at a Shakespeare comedy and confusing his son
|