Chapter Text
“Mrs Carla Barlow?” The nurse asked from the double doors. Peter laced their hands together and the pair of them followed the nurse. Her husband attempted a smile and continuously squeezed her hand but she was too scared. There was a lump in her throat that was nearly impossible to swallow around and she clenched his hand so hard he had to ask her to ease her grip a little.
The nurse prompted Carla to sit on the bed and lift up her top. She squeezed cold gel onto her exposed stomach and moved the wand, frowning when she couldn’t find what she was looking for. The sonographer left and returned with a doctor.
Peter’s smile turned to a deep-set frown and Carla glanced restlessly between Peter and the screen. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry but you’re not pregnant. I don’t think you ever were,”
“What?” She scoffed and propped herself up on her elbows. “I did a pregnancy test and it was positive, I’ve got the same symptoms I had when I was pregnant last time!”
“There is a chance of a false positive with pregnancy tests. There might be certain hormones in your blood that are providing a false positive…”
Carla grabbed the blue paper-towel roll from the nurses desk and scrubbed the gel off her stomach, a red smear appeared across her stomach where the rough tissue had irritated her. She bit her lip, desperately trying not to let the tears fall. Peter was still holding her hand but his face was dull and impassive.
“I know this is difficult to digest and it’s a shock but I would like to take some blood samples to figure out what is the cause of your positive test result. There could be another issue.”
“Oh what’s the point?” She spat under her breath, digging her nails into her palms. Bloodied half-moons smiled mockingly up at her from her hands.
“I know you’re sad, love, but we need to make sure you’re healthy.”
“I’m sorry for wasting your time,” She said to both of them. He could hear the self-hatred in her voice and a pain burst from his heart, burning his chest from the inside out. A tear fell from his brown eyes and it only made Carla cry more. The nurse prepared to take the woman’s blood but waited in compassionate silence for her to compose herself.
“Don’t blame yourself, Carla.” The nurse told her, patting her arm. “It happens rather frequently, I’m just sorry that it did happen.”
“We were terrified but we were so excited…” She whispered, her voice cracking as she cried again. “I was so excited.”
“I could tell, you had that look in your face.” She handed Carla and Peter a plastic cup of water each and took a sample of her blood. They waited in the private room for the results to come back rather than having to wait in public.
Carla’s hand rested on her flat stomach. The feeling brought her a thrill, trembling tendrils of excitement flowing up her arm and flushing her brain with dopamine. Now it made her arm feel like lead and her brain felt like it was drowning in venom. Peter had tried to comfort her but she remained unresponsive so he pulled away to avoid irritating her.
The door opened and the nurse returned with a doctor by her side. “Hello Carla, my name's Doctor Conway. I’ve just taken a look at your blood work up and it seems that your antipsychotics or anti-anxiety medication is responsible for the pregnancy symptoms and test results, once the drugs are out of your system, you should be back to normal.”
“Thanks, doctor.” Peter croaked as he realised Carla wasn’t going to answer. She stared blankly at the skirting boards and picked at the skin around her nails.
“I understand you were hoping for different news so we have the resident counsellor who is willing to discuss this with you and help you.”
“I don’t need a bloody counsellor for a baby that I never had. I wasn’t even bloody pregnant this time.”
“Mrs Barlow–”
“I’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time, I need to get back to work so–”
“Carla, please just sit down for a minute.” Peter tried to talk to her, holding her hand and guiding her back to the chair. She sank into it and rested her forehead on her hand, staring at the opposite wall.
“I suppose this means that kids are definitely out of the question then? We came here for your professional opinion on whether we should keep the baby but I suppose that was never an issue.”
“It wouldn’t be impossible for you to get pregnant, Carla but because of your age, you may struggle to get pregnant naturally and the risks would be incredibly high.”
“So, would you advise against it?”
“That’s not up to us to decide. I would just be cautious that the stress might set off your psychosis again and the chance of miscarriage is high but we would monitor you every week or biweekly to keep an eye on you and the baby.”
“Maybe this really is my body telling me I can’t have kids. I was already geriatric when I was pregnant and I’m nearly in my fifties now.”
“It’s not impossible if you want to try. Or then there is Surrogacy or donation of someone else’s eggs.”
“No. It’s my baby or no baby… I’m sorry, Peter. I’m sorry I can never give you what a younger woman could.” She stood up from her chair and stormed out of the room. Peter ran out after her, taking a leaflet that the doctor handed her. She was already waiting for him by the car and he drove out of the hospital, knowing that she wouldn’t open up to him for a little while. Pulling up in Weatherfield, Carla rushed to the Bistro to find Michelle.
Upon seeing her best friend’s emotionless, pale face, Michelle hung up her apron and Leanne said she was okay to cover so she ushered her friend back to her house. Carla sat on the couch, resting her head on the back of the sofa, her eyes squeezed shut against the world. Michelle sat beside her with a cup of tea, ignoring when Carla asked for something stronger.
“What happened, babe?”
“I was never pregnant.” She shrugged, sipping the scalding liquid. “It was a false positive. End of story.”
“Oh darling,”
Carla shrugged again but Michelle could see through her hardened exterior. Her lip trembled and her brows furrowed together as the tears streaked down her face. Michelle threw her arms around Carla’s neck and kissed her hair, stroking her scalp soothingly.
“I wanted it, Michelle. I wanted it so badly!” She sobbed, her body folding in half as she cried in, her heart constricting in her chest. “Who was I kidding, thinking that I could be a mother after everything? After I killed Rana and Aiden and Tina and everyone. I don’t deserve to raise a child because what sort of role model would I be? Or Peter, eh?”
“Carla, you’d be an amazing mum… I’ve always thought so. Better than most mums I know, anyway.”
“The world doesn’t want my offspring. Doesn’t want me to be in charge of an innocent life.” She sobbed into Michelle’s chest, shaking and gasping for air. Michelle rocked her from side to side until her sobs subsided and she could dry her friend’s cheeks.
“What did the doctor say?”
“It’s because of my medication, it tricked the test. They said it wouldn’t be impossible for me to get pregnant but there is an even higher risk that I could lose it and it might set off my psychosis if I’m not careful.”
“They would monitor you closely and help you to stay healthy.”
“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lose another baby - especially not in the way that you did…”
“Carla, don’t let my experience with losing Ruirí scare you out of trying for a baby. I had an unfortunate accident when I lost him but I’ve also had the amazing blessing of having a baby and raising him… You haven’t got to experience that.”
“No, no I can’t, ‘Chelle… I’m too old. Peter’s too old - he’d be embarrassed having a newborn at fifty nine. And I’d probably miscarry, and that could send me insane or Peter will start drinking again.”
“I’m so sorry, darling. Look, whatever you decide to do, you’ll always have me and Peter and Simon.”
“I should have forgiven him. I should have given him another chance or I should have realised that my husband was having it away! What’s wrong with me Michelle, I couldn’t tell when Paul was getting it from someone else and I couldn’t tell when Peter was!”
“Come on! This is not your fault! You couldn’t forgive Peter then and I’m surprised you forgave him at all for what he did to you! Paul was an idiot but he was different… Peter loves you, Carla. No matter what has happened, that’s always been a dead cert.”
“I only ever wanted his baby… I waited too long and now look.” She began sobbing again until she exhausted herself and fell asleep on the couch. Michelle draped a throw blanket over her and called Peter.
Peter turned up at the flat, frayed and worn, his eyes dark and hollow. She hugged him and he cried into her shoulder, kneeling beside his wife. He stroked his hand through her caramel hair, grazing his fingers over her cheek and forehead. She cracked her eyes open and he pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“I’m so sorry, Peter…” She croaked.
“You’re all I need, baby. I love you with my whole heart and you make me the happiest man in the world all by yourself. Anything else would have been an amazing bonus.”
“I failed.”
“You did no such thing! This isn’t your fault, Carla. I’m responsible for you losing our baby, all those years ago. I was drunk and I caused you so much stress that she didn’t stand a chance…”
“I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to keep blaming each other for what could have happened if things were different.” She cried and he hugged her tightly.
“I love you,” She croaked, her voice coming out as a squeak as she kissed him. “I’m sorry for how everything turned out but I’m really happy that we are back together, for good this time.”
“I’m sorry too,” He told her, kissing her knuckles. “We’ve got each other and that’s all that matters now.”
Michelle made them a cup of tea, wiping away the tears she shed for her sorrowful friends. They apologised for invading her home but she brushed it off and held her best friend. Finishing their drinks, they all left the flat, Carla and Peter returning to their own home whilst Michelle returned to the Bistro.
Peter lay down on the couch and pulled his wife to lie with him so they both curled into one another. He pecked kisses to her shoulder and laced their fingers together. “I know that we’re both sad now but maybe it just wasn’t meant to be…”
“Carla–”
“No, hear me out.” She said, running her hand in soothing circles over his arm. “Just think, the kid would be tiny and soon we wouldn’t be able to run around after them, we might not be around to see them graduate university if that’s what they wanted to do and we wouldn’t meet their grandkids…”
“I guess that’s true but I dreamt so many times about seeing you holding a baby, feeding him or her and dressing them in all the designer clothes because you would expect nothing less…”
“Can you imagine my kid as a teenager?” She exclaimed. “You’d be scarred for life, they’d hate me for ruining their life and we'd constantly be getting police complaints.”
“Boy or girl, they’d be bloody beautiful though… Not as beautiful as their mam because they’d have my looks in their too but–”
“Shut up! You are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, baby.”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes laughingly. She kissed him deeply and burrowed her head into his neck and he rubbed circles into her back. “Maybe in another life, baby…”
“I’ll just steal Lily from Ali and Maggie. Then any kids that Ryan has or Simon - though hopefully not for a long time.”
“I’ll get us a puppy. Then you get to stress about it wrecking the house and peeing everywhere, you can dress it and walk it and do babytalk to it.” He promised her, chuckling into her ear. She pulled back to look at him with red-rimmed eyes and pouted. He kissed her lips and then her nose.
“Sounds perfect.”