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You Used What?!

Summary:

Julian is called into Sisko's office to address a complaint made by Dukat about a treatment given.

Julian explains himself.

Notes:

Hope this cheers you up. Also, this is entirely your fault, so it's a gift for two reasons.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“You asked to see me, Sir?” Julian Bashir asked as he entered Captain Sisko’s office to stand before his desk.

Sisko tapped a finger against the PADD sitting on his desk. “Yes. A complaint has been made against you.”

“By who?” Julian asked.

“Gul Dukat,” Sisko answered, adding emphasis on the last syllable, to show his distaste for the man.

Julian nodded. “I take it he wasn’t happy with the treatment I prescribed him?”

“No, he was not,” Sisko answered, picking up the PADD. “In his complaint he states, and I quote, ‘The treatment was humiliating, unnecessary and clearly intended as a malicious prank.’”

“Ah,” Julian said. “I can see how he could think that.”

“What did you do, Doctor?” Sisko asked bluntly.

“Dukat presented to the Infirmary with a persistent issue of a personal nature. He asked for something to flush out the area in question, and I gave him a prescription and directions for use. It’s in the medical file.”

Sisko nodded. “I did read the file that Dukat attached. What exactly did you prescribe him?”

Julian took a deep breath. “In essence… mentos and diet coke.”

Sisko blinked at him. “Was that intended as a joke? Because we used those at the Academy.”

Julian shook his head. “The… issue… Dukat presented with was best treated by the compounds found in the interaction of those two products. The foaming also helped it to reach areas of the ajan that otherwise would be difficult to reach. He was advised to use the treatment in a place that would be easily drained, such as a shower or bath.”

“I see,” Sisko said. “Do you have any data to back this up?”

“I do,” Julian answered.

“I want it on my desk as soon as possible. Dukat will be receiving a copy,” Sisko stated.

“I’ll forward it to you as soon as I return to the Infirmary,” Julian said.

“Thank you, Doctor. Dismissed.”

Julian turned and left Sisko’s office, missing his commanding officer resting his face in his hand with a sigh.

A few months later, a Cardassian doctor opened a file forwarded to him by a colleague. His eyes widened in excitement. “This is genius!” he exclaimed to himself. Whoever had devised this treatment was truly thinking outside of the box, and the effectiveness was double the treatment usually prescribed. The condition cleared up in half the time!

He looked at the original doctor’s name and frowned. Julian S Bashir? Who was that?

Notes:

Well, what did you all think?