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Bakugou knew something was off with Deku. The way he acted was…strange. It was different, and it wasn’t right.
It wouldn’t be weird to say that, even if he didn’t think about the night the nerd showed up to his dorm, covered in blood. He was a completely different person that time, barely human. He looked like something that was described out of a horror film or a True Crime podcast.
Besides that, in fact, after that night he was happier, he practically glowed. He looked…absolutely beautiful. Sure, he was always kind and happy, but this is different. He wasn’t kind now. He was different. He was a completely different person.
Which is weird because after looking like somebody was trying to brutally murder you, why would you be happy?
But, Deku paid no mind to the treacherous things happening on and off of school grounds or even that night. The killings, the murders. It was like he didn’t care, whenever someone brought it up, it almost looked as if he was about to scoff or roll his eyes. While the whole school was sorrowful, It looked like the nerd, Deku, was living his best life.
And he was going to figure out what was up with him, and everything else.
Katsuki knew what he had to do.
He had to talk to Deku himself.
He inhaled, walking out of his dorm and to Deku’s room.
The walk was short, but it felt like forever, the minutes dreading by slowly, with the fear of what was about to go down, encasing his mind. He felt more and more anxious, as the minutes passed. He didn’t know what he wanted to ask Deku. He just knew he had to figure out what was going on. And only Deku had the answer to that.
He wasn’t acting normal. It was like one day the whole world flipped upside down and Deku was a totally different person.
And totally, insane.
He thought about it. It couldn’t be out of the blue with the amount of torture he was put through. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe, Deku’s reason was him.
Being bullied by him, in Junior High. Abused by him. Mentally and physically tortured by him.
Maybe, it was all him.
Sure, that doesn’t seem reasonable as everyone else bullied him as well, but Bakugo gave him the worst, and that was a perfectly good reason to just change one night.
It wasn’t weird and, unlike his classmates say, it was his fault.
He sighed. He was here.
So there Bakugou was sitting in Deku’s room, while Deku happily jotted down notes, since apparently Bakugou interrupted him doing his ever-so-important math homework.
Like Deku even cared about work anymore.
After what happened Deku’s attitude to school completely changed, too. He just didn’t care.
“Where’s it at, Monistat?” He snapped him out of his trance.
“When’s the fucking test?” Bakugou asks, completely out of the blue and abrupt, trying to prolong the conversation before he has to…ask.
“Come on, Kacchan.” Deku said. “We both know that’s not the reason you're here.” He paused. “Plus, you're too smart for that.” He teased and laughed, trying to push his buttons, while also trying to get an answer out of him for why he’s here.
“Fine! Fuck!” He swore. “I’ll get straight to the point! What the fuck’s up with you?”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s wrong with you, nerd?” Bakugou yelled out. “Ever since that…night, you’ve been acting weird…er.”
“What night, Kacchan?”
“You know what night, Deku!” He snapped.
“Kacchan, what are you talking about?”
“Damn it, Deku! The night you came to my dorm covered in blood! Y-You…you” He struggled to breathe. “Threw up this, like blood liquid thing, but it kind of looked like there were needles mixed in. A-and then you screeched and came after me. You…you didn't look like yourself.” Bakugou said, nervous of the response, he was going to get. He didn’t need another person saying he was crazy.
Deku just sat there, listening to his whole rant, opening his mouth, before pausing, thinking of how to respond.
He was confused on how to answer. He didn’t know what to say. Kacchan coming here, speaking these insane stories, concerned him.
“Kacchan, I think you need some help.”
“I’m not lying, Deku! I know it happened.” He yelled out, though he was starting to doubt himself, while Deku looked at him with a very passive expression. Almost like he wanted to raise his eyebrows and ask ‘You sure about that?’, but he didn’t. “Fine! Act like you don’t know what I’m talking about! See if I care!” He yelled and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
After that, Bakugou was starting to wonder if his mind was playing tricks on him because, if it was, it meant he really was crazy.
And he couldn’t be labeled that.
Even after many family members, friends, and teachers express their concern, for him, of how he’s “seeing things” and how he should maybe, “check with a psychologist”.
It made him mad.
How could they think that of him after knowing him for so long.
But, he still had to know what was going on.
So, nonetheless, he tried different approaches.
Since Plan A didn’t work, that meant Bakugou had to try and find another way of proving he was right. With other people. Again.
The class was sitting in the common room, minus Deku. To be honest, he hadn’t seen him the whole day, and he was starting to get worried, as if something bad would happen.
But, now he had to think about other things, since the nerd wasn’t here, now was the time to strike. He was going to bring up the topic, everyone was pained by.
He couldn’t bring it up while Deku was around, as it felt almost dangerous in a sense.
So, here goes nothing.
“Extras!” He yelled out, demanding their attention.
“Wow, Bakugou. It’s joyous to hear your wonderful voice again.” Kaminari exclaimed, sarcastically.
“Shut it, Pikachu.” Bakugou said. “Did the caterpillar find anything more on the…murders?” He paused, more nervous, than he ever had been.
Which was strange, as Katsuki Bakugou was NOT a nervous person. Even when he was taking his entrance exam he wasn't nervous. The Katsuki Bakugou back then was confident and striking. He had no doubts that he would not succeed in everything he would do.
He was not the same as he was back then.
“Oh ho ho, Katsuki Bakugou is finally interested in something?” Sero said with a smirk, but everyone knew he was feeling dread at the thought of the subject, just like everyone else.
“Just answer the damn question, Soy Sauce Face!”
“No,” Mina answered for him. “Aizawa didn’t find anything about the cannibalistic killer. They think it’s a student, but how could someone be cruel enough to do that?” She questioned. She was picking at the hem of her sweater while speaking, the sadness shining on her face.
“It sucks. I know we’ve had to deal with villains in the past, but this is different. It’s strange…r” Kirishima said.
“Stranger isn’t a word you know!” Mina laughed.
“Yes, it is! A stranger is a person you don’t know!” Kirishima lectured, trying to mock Iida’s demanding voice.
“Well, it’s not a real word in the way you used it!” Mina exclaimed.
“No! It’s a way to describe something more strange than in the past.”
“Dude, I’m dumb, but not that dumb.”
“Yeah, Kami’s right, Man! Stop making up words!” Sero said.
So the group bickered, as Bakugou was stuck deep in thought.
There Bakugou stood under the hot steaming water of the shower head, as he contemplated his options.
Of course, if he went to those dumb extras, he wouldn’t get any answers from them.
Going to Deku didn’t help either. The way he just looked at him and acted as if he was crazy, when he was the one acting crazy! As if.
He didn’t know what was wrong with the idiot nerd, but it was bothering him, more than it was bothering the rest of the class.
How dense could the idiot class be?
He sighed, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower, into the cold air.
He wrapped his towel around his waist, before walking out of his bathroom to his dorm.
He shifted through his drawer, choosing a pair of boxers and a light sweater to sleep in, before slipping them on.
It brought him back to when he and Deku were just little brats, dreaming of this opportunity, without knowing the pain they’d really have to endure, becoming heroes.
They were so clueless back then, clueless of the emotional and physical pain they’d have to go through. The people they’d lose to wars and fights, to murderers.
He remembered a time when he and Deku were running together, pinkies interlocked, pretending to be the heroes they wanted to be. Yelling hero catch phrases, dreaming of going to U.A. and meeting other aspiring heroes.
He thought about them swinging on the swings together in the park.
“Don’t worry, Deku,” He remembered declaring. “When I’m a hero you can be my sidekick!”
“Of course, Kacchan!” Little Deku exclaimed.
He always followed him and did whatever he said, because Deku thought that all he had was Kacchan and Kacchan agreed.
But, the Kacchan and Deku back then were wrong, because, honestly, if Bakugou really thought about it now, Deku could have any friend he wanted, any partner he wanted, any career he wanted, anything, unlike Bakugou.
He jumped harshly and flinched as he heard the alarm he set to remind him to sleep. He slammed it hard, turning it off.
It was only 8:50 p.m., but that was already too late, considering the harsh schedule he had set for himself tomorrow.
Bakugou grabbed his phone, setting the alarm to 5:30 a.m., before crawling under his covers to sleep.
Ten minutes later, he still couldn’t fall asleep. He turned around, trying to do the tricks his old hag told him to do to sleep fast. He had a bit of insomnia back in Junior High.
It still didn’t work.
He sighed, before picking up his phone and scrolling through the messages the extras were sending.
He rolled his eyes. They were probably all in the same room texting each other.
He sighed, putting his phone down, then rolling over, trying to fall asleep, again.
A few minutes later, he hears a knock on the door.
“Tell me whatever you want later, extra! I’m trying to sleep!” Bakugou yells out, before grunting, and turning around. Again.
But, instead of the extra turning around and leaving, he heard another knock on the door.
“Fine! I’m coming!” He yelled out angrily, at being disturbed. He hopped out of bed, before going to open the door. “I thought I told you to beat i-” He was in the middle of saying, before realizing he was talking to air. “What the fuck? Stupid, extras.” He mumbled to himself, before walking further into the hallway and yelling, “Very funny, guys!”
It honestly reminded him of that night. The night when Deku came to his dorm. The night all of this started.
He walked back in, closing his door, then slipping into bed, again.
“Hi,”
Bakugou screamed, falling out of his bed.
“What are you doing here!?” He yelled.
“God, you’re always so dramatic, Katsuki!” Deku laughed. “I’m just having a little fun.” He said, uncovering himself, revealing his All Might underwear.
Katsuki? When did he start calling him Katsuki?
“Get out!” Bakugou yelled, as he got up, pointing at the door.
Deku smiled sweetly, “But we always share your bed when we have sleepovers.” He laughed, before getting on his knees, gently grabbing Bakugou’s face. He tapped his nose. “Don’t worry, Kacchan, I’m not gonna bite you.”
Slowly, trying to close the gap between their lips, Deku leaned in…and kissed him.
It was soft and gentle and Bakugou started, slowly, kissing him back.
It was unlike anything Bakugou felt. It was like there was…a fire, burning their lips. Bakugou could feel it start to bring up feelings about Deku he was trying to suppress.
Feelings of love and care. Those feelings bloomed harder, than they ever had before, while they kissed.
Until, Deku slowly pulled away and sat back down on the bed.
“How did that feel, Katsuki?” He smirked slightly.
Instead of responding, Bakugou, just crashed their lips together, pushing Deku down harshly against the wall the bed was next to, and caging him in with his arms.
Slowly, Bakugou let his tongue shift over Deku’s lips, slipping it in, as Deku moaned.
Bakugou felt warm, extremely warm, wherever Deku touched him, it was as if lava was being poured there. The touches felt great, the skin on skin felt amazing, The thought of Deku felt even better.
Bakugou finally understood.
He loved Deku.
He and Deku pulled away slowly, before staring at each other intently.
Then, it all came crashing down, hitting him like a ton of bricks. “What the fuck is going on!?” He yelled, shaking his hands and basically vibrating, from his anger. Bakugou sighed, his body flopping on the bed, “What are you doing here, anyway?” He asked.
“Well, we’re best friends, aren’t we?” He paused. “I wanted to tell you what happened…that night. Because…friends don’t lie, right?” Bakugou nodded. “Well, I was hanging out with a friend…and, well, we met the band before the show and they seemed pretty cool.
Then, during the show, one of the electrical wires caught fire and we had to run out with the rest of the tenants…most of them died, though.
Anyway, my mind felt all foggy, and before I knew it I was in the band’s van. I didn’t know where we were going, or what was happening. I just knew they were obsessed with me being a virgin, so I thought they were gonna…you know.
But, instead they just tried hurting me, they grabbed this knife, and…well, you saw me. They said something about it being the only way they were gonna be famous and read out this, I don’t know, scripture type thing, but I guess it’s not a scripture, if it was read out to Satan.”
Bakugou looked shocked and overcome with grief at the same time. “They killed you?”
Deku scoffed. “I’m still here, aren’t I?” He said, jokingly. “They did go all Benihana on my ass, with that knife. And it should have killed me, but, for some reason, it didn’t.” Fiddling with his necklace. He remembered the day he and Bakugou got it together.
They were nine. So young, so very, very young.
They wanted something to always keep them together. And, Deku really believed in reincarnation, so he thought that if they had them, they would always meet each other in separate lives. No matter what.
He loved Bakugou and he still loves him now. He just doesn’t know what’s happening with him or anything else, anymore.
It depressed him. It made him feel like shit.
He didn’t know what was happening to his body or how his brain fogged over, and he forgot what just happened, or what he was doing.
Wait, what were they talking about again?
“I can’t believe that happened to you.” Bakugou looks into his eyes.
“What do you mean? What happened to me?” Deku looks right back at him.
“What you just told me, dumbass.”
“Katsuki,” Deku stated, before laughing. “What are you talking about?”
“About those guys who hurt you, Deku!” He said, getting frustrated. “About the night you came to my dorm!”
“Katsuki, I think you need some help.” Deku said. “Everyone is so worried about you. Especially with these disturbing thoughts you’re having.” He said.
Bakugou sighed, turning over on his bed. Everybody thought he was crazy. “Whatever, just go.”
“Aww, come on, Kacchan. Just because you have some proble-” He said condescendingly.
“I said,” Bakugou got up. “Get out!” He yelled, angrily.
“Fine.” Deku got up, pulling his pants up, before walking toward the window.
“What are you doing?” Bakugou asks, confused.
“You said leave.” He said. “So, I’m leaving.” He opened the window and climbed out, before jumping, almost, three stories.
He ran to the window, looking out and seeing no one.
He just disappeared.
So, there Bakugou laid in bed, tears streaming down his face.
He didn’t know how everything collapsed like this, right in front of his eyes, and he just let it happen.
The night Deku came to his dorm, he did nothing of it. After the “conversation” they had, he just let him leave. Blood everywhere, carnage on the floor, the tears leaking out of his eyes, onto the floor.
He never went and tried to find Deku again and help him. He just let him disappear, and then reappear, as if nothing happened.
He knew it made him a bad friend.
And a bad person.
He knew considering Deku his friend and never actually trying for him before is bad, but he just couldn’t make himself. He always just wanted to burst into tears whenever Deku came by and something like this happened.
So he did.
Each and every time.
He knew nobody ever thought, Katsuki Bakugou to be a crying person, or even a hurt person. But shit like that happened, especially when his friendship was falling to pieces and the person he knew forever was changing…for the worse.
He hated himself for not stopping it. For not stopping the world from turning upside down on him.
For not even trying to change. Because, maybe, if he did change, then this would have never happened.
Deku would have never gone out with his friend and changed forever, but would have stayed with him.
Because, maybe if he changed, then Deku would think of him more than a friend.
He knew Deku had always liked him, but it never changed the fact that he loved Deku.
And, loving and liking someone just wasn’t the same. More so, if it’s your best friend.
But, he pushed it down over the years, forgetting about it. Making him arrogant and a horrible person and, maybe, if he never ended up changing, instead staying close and tight-knit with Deku in Junior High, Deku would’ve stayed with him. And, not think that Bakugo didn’t like him. Because Bakugou loved him.
Bakugou stared at the one picture he kept of him and Deku together.
They were at the park, his arm around Deku, trying to make him look smaller and shorter than him.
He had the best scowl a four-year old could muster. While Deku smiled widely.
His old hag took the picture to “commemorate the special friendship they had”, complicated words for a toddler to understand, but he figured it out because he needed to be the best.
He thought of Deku convincing him to take the picture.
“Come on, Kacchan! It’ll be fun! Plus, we can look back at this picture when we’re a hero duo. Pleaseeeee!” He begged.
“Fine!” Little Kacchan grumbled, getting into the picture.
Deku could always make him do anything he wanted, and he still could now.
It was the same with Bakugou to Deku back then, too.
But, that changed, all because Deku changed.
Because if Deku changed, the whole dynamic of the world would change.
And it couldn’t be fixed.
So, instead of trying, Bakugou sat here, just crying.
Because even if he wished it could, it could not and would not be fixed.