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"Imogen Temult, if you think you're driving yourself home—" Deanna began, hands on her hips.
Imogen groaned, digging the heel of her hand into her left eye. "Dee, I'm not gonna drive, I promise," she mumbled. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and took a deep breath, running her hand through her tousled hair.
Imogen's head had started throbbing hours ago, that familiar tightness twisting her neck as the day wore on. Winter's Crest was only a day away, and Deanna's idea to add cookies to the menu at Flora and Faun's Pies had been wildly, unbelievably successful. Which was great, except that meant that Imogen, Deanna, and Orym had been up since three in the morning frosting dozens upon dozens of gingerbread cookies for the last round of tins to be picked up that day, not to mention the fact that the shop had been utterly packed since opening, customers stopping in for last minute party treats and long-awaited orders.
Imogen loved the holidays.
She really, really did, especially in this new home she'd found. Especially since meeting her new friends, meeting Laudna, since getting to introduce Laudna to all the holiday traditions she didn't get to grow up with. The look of absolutely unfettered joy on Laudna's face when she'd brought her to the tree farm just outside Westsruun to go cut down a tree for the first time was permanently etched into Imogen's brain.
Not to mention the snow that seemed to blanket everything here in the winter, something she never saw back in Gelvaan.
But, inevitably, the holidays are loud, in every sense of the word, and her lovely little pie shop is no exception.
It was nearly impossible for Imogen to keep her mental walls up enough to tune out the chatter and laughter and screaming children, and, frankly, the auditory onslaught was headache-inducing as it was, forget the mental deluge. Usually, Imogen kept herself relegated to the kitchen and away from the customers, but when it was this busy, she really had no choice but to go out into the chaos.
She'd been managing to keep most of the mental din out, but then a toddler had started wailing, absolute confused and cranky chaos from the poor kid's mind piercing Imogen's brain like an ice pick, and it took everything Imogen had left in her to keep herself upright long enough to stagger into the back and sit in the walk-in fridge for a solid ten minutes.
"Well, how are you getting home, then?" Deanna asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm goin' over to Laudna's, I thought I already told ya," Imogen said as she pulled her old brown and green canvas coat from the hook by the back door, the one she used to wear when she worked in the stables. Her head felt woozy, her stomach in a knot. She pulled her coat on and then wound her scarf around her neck, the one that Deanna had made her when they'd first met. It was a rich yellow-gold wool with delicate patterns knitted into it with brown yarn, brown fringe dangling from the ends.
"Oh! Well, that's a relief, I know she'll make you take your meds when you're being a stubborn shit about it," Deanna said brightly as she reached for her own coat.
They'd finally closed up a little while earlier, the last customers shooed out and the doors locked, lights turned out. It was snowing outside, and if Deanna wasn't getting a ride home in Ashton's tank of a janky old pickup, Imogen would have insisted on sending her home early.
"You do have your meds, don't you?" Deanna pressed when Imogen didn't answer right away.
"Yeah, yeah, I got my meds, even the gross ones," Imogen said as she picked up her backpack. She knew Deanna was nagging because she cared, and she loved her for it, she truly did. She really was trying not to get too annoyed by it, but migraines really had a way of just obliterating any patience she might have left.
"Well, it's gonna take Ashton a few minutes to get here, let me walk you over to Laudna's, okay?" Deanna asked as they stepped outside into the snow.
Imogen glanced back at her and winced a little, her head swimming at the quick movement. "Ya don't have to, it's less than a hundred yards away, don't wanna make ya walk more than ya have to," she mumbled, fumbling as she tried to shove her keys into her pocket.
Deanna heaved a sigh, shaking her head a little. "Honey, locking the door doesn't usually make you list to the left," she said gently, "your equilibrium is shot, just humor me, hm?"
Imogen groaned a little. "Alright, alright," she nodded as they began to walk down the small alley beside the shop, heading out towards the main road. Usually, Imogen had to remind herself to walk a little slower to accommodate Deanna's smaller stride, but her shuffling steps were slow, heels scuffing the salted, snow-dusted pavement.
The road, much to Laudna's delight when the decorations first started going up, was decked to the nines in all manner of red ribbons and garlands wound around the lampposts that lined the streets, white twinkle lights stretched from building to building, criss-crossing across the cobblestone street below. All the shops had their own decorations up, bedecked trees in windows and colored lights tacked around doors and windows, the apartments above lit up in festive decoration.
It was beautiful, and it made Imogen's chest swell.
"I don't mean to be stubborn," Imogen said quietly as they walked. She adjusted the strap of her backpack so it didn't pull so hard on her shoulder, and she smiled a little as she looked up at the lights like she always did at night, despite the pain.
"I know, hun," Deanna said, looking up at her friend with a soft smile. "I know you're still figuring out how to let people take care of you. I'm proud of you for letting Laudna in, though. Seems like she's helping a lot, yeah?"
Imogen smiled a little, her neck growing warm. "Yeah, uhm...she's not totally used'ta havin' someone look after her either, so...it kinda works, I guess."
Deanna hummed, nodding as they stepped up onto the sidewalk in front of Laudna's coffee shop. It was an old storefront, wide windows looking out onto the quiet street, intricate molding painted black and the slightly janky, deep red front door locked up for the night. Across both windows, in swooping black and red script, read Hallowed Grounds. White lights were tacked up around the two windows, a decorated tree centered in the left window, and a meticulously crafted wreath hung upon the door.
Laudna had nearly keeled over in excitement when Imogen had suggested that they get three trees—one for Imogen's apartment, one for Laudna's, and one for Laudna's shop.
"You better ask that girl out one of these days," Deanna said, shaking her head a little. "before someone else goes and snatches her up," she added, smacking Imogen's thigh lightly as she smirked up at her.
The lump in Imogen's throat grew and she swallowed hard, shaking her head as she forced a smile. "It ain't gonna happen. She said she never thought about the whole romance thing," she said, rolling her eyes a little. This wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation, and honestly, part of her was bracing for it.
"You sure about that?" Deanna asked, following Imogen around the back of Laudna's shop to the narrow staircase that led to her apartment's back door up on the second floor. "I've seen the way she looks at you. What do the kids call it? Heart eyes?"
Imogen snorted. "She looks at everythin' like that," she said dismissively.
"Mhmm," Deanna hummed, skeptical. She glanced up at the stairs. "I think I better walk you up there, you're still looking a little unsteady."
"Dee, I'm fine, I make it up and down the stairs at home when I have a migraine, haven't fallen once," she said with what she hoped was an encouraging smile.
Deanna raised an eyebrow. “Alright fine, but I’m gonna wait down here til you’re inside,” she said with a shrug. “You have that blanket I made you? You might need it tonight, it's gonna get colder.”
Imogen nodded. “Yeah, it’s upstairs, left it here a few days ago by mistake,” she paused a moment, swallowing hard as another wave of pain came over her, and she reached out for the banister as she turned to look at Deanna. “Thank you,” she said softly, “I don’t mean to give you a hard time.”
Deanna gave her a small smile, patting her leg once more. “I know, honey,” she nodded, “Get up there and get some rest, alright? And you text me if you need anything,” she added, giving Imogen a stern look. "I'll call to check on you later."
Imogen bit back a smile. “I will, don’t worry,” she nodded, and turned to head up the stairs.
—
Imogen didn't know how Laudna made it up those rickety old stairs every day.
She made a mental note to get Chet to fix some of the crooked steps once the holidays were over.
She let out a long, slow breath as she finally made it to the top, leaning hard on the railing for a moment as she got her bearings again, but even so, some small part of her began to relax as she heard the faint chimes of Laudna's music starting to reach her mental periphery. She stepped up to the door and knocked gently, and after hesitating for a moment, rested her forehead against the cold wood of the door.
She stood there for a moment, listening to Laudna's music float through her head before gently knocking again when her music didn't change, no footsteps nearing the door.
Laudna? she called out after a moment, It's just me.
Imogen smiled a little as she heard Laudna's thoughts perk up and trill excitedly.
Oh, Imogen! Come in, darling, I told you you didn't have to knock.
Imogen grimaced a little even as her stomach flipped at the endearment.
I…can you come to the door? I’m a little dizzy. Migraine, Imogen sighed, her forehead still pressed to the door.
Oh! Laudna gasped, worry coloring her thoughts. Trilling chimes dimmed in favor of emerging strings, accompanied by the padding of Laudna's slippered feet scurrying across the floorboards towards the door. Just a moment, I'm coming!
Not a moment later, Imogen heard the click of the deadbolt being undone, and she shuffled back a step, trying to straighten up.
Imogen's eyes were a little blurry at the moment, even with her glasses, but the sight before her was still the prettiest thing she'd seen all day.
Laudna stood in the doorway, backlit by warm light that spilled over the threshold. She was wearing one of her oversized holiday sweaters, little snowflakes and trees in white and green against a deep red, the sleeves bunching around her wrists and the neck slouching off one shoulder. One of her many black skirts hung from her hips, little red slippers peeking out from beneath it. Her hair was tied back in its usual half-up bun, pinned in place by the hair stick Imogen had gotten her months ago, the little one shaped like a tiny hammer, and around her neck sat a pair of wireless headphones.
The worry in Laudna’s eyes deepened as she stepped over the threshold, and Imogen watched as Laudna’s gaze slid past her for a moment, Lauda’s hand coming up in a wave, presumably to Deanna who still stood at the bottom of the stairs.
Laudna looked back to Imogen as the soft crunch of footsteps in the gathering snow faded as Deanna left, and Imogen could almost feel the worried buzzing of Laudna’s thoughts reverberating in her teeth like a heavy bass.
Laudna reached forward, and Imogen swallowed the little whimper that tried to escape her as Laudna’s cool hands brushed against her heated cheeks, carefully cradling her face.
"Oh, darling, what happened?" Laudna asked softly, her thumb stroking back and forth along her cheek.
"Jus’ a real busy day, nothin' happened, promise,” Imogen mumbled.
“You’re warm,” Laudna said worriedly, but Imogen barely heard her, her eyes slipping closed as she leaned into Laudna’s hands.
“Your hands feel nice,” she sighed, absently reaching up to lay her hand atop Laudna’s.
“You feel feverish,” Laudna continued, one of her hands pulling away to instead press the back of it to Imogen’s forehead.
“I’m not sick, I promise, I jus’...I just get warm sometimes when m'head hurts,” she murmured. She grimaced a little, feeling like the words were getting caught somewhere in her throat, like her mouth somehow wasn’t cooperating.
Laudna hummed and, much to Imogen’s disappointment, her hands moved from her face, falling to her shoulders as she ushered Imogen inside.
“Alright, well, come in, it’s freezing out here, we don’t want you catching a cold on top of everything—”
“If I was gonna catch a cold I woulda already,” Imogen mumbled as she stumbled inside. “So many kids, Laudna.”
Laudna shut the door behind them. “Oh, that must have been adorable,” she cooed as she reached for Imogen’s backpack.
Imogen sighed in relief as the weight of her backpack was lifted from her shoulders. “Not when they’re screamin',” she said, her gaze sliding past Laudna to stare at nothing.
Laudna winced. “Oh…I can see how that would be overstimulating to say the very least. Not to mention the sticky fingers all over your lovely glass display cases,” she added, wrinkling her nose.
“So sticky,” Imogen shuddered.
Laudna hummed sympathetically as she unwound Imogen's scarf from around her neck. "What can I do?" she asked, hanging it up on the hook by the door. Chetney had made that rack of hooks the same time he'd made the ones for Imogen's shop—horseshoe tacks bent into hooks and affixed to an old, polished piece of gray barn wood.
Imogen blinked slowly, trying to gather her thoughts. The pain radiating up from her neck and the throbbing that settled in her temples and behind her eyes was making it hard to think, to string words together. She wasn't entirely sure what she needed, apart from just...Laudna.
"I...don't know," Imogen said finally, trying to ignore the way her neck heated up in embarrassment. Getting her mouth to cooperate and form words was getting difficult, and she clenched her jaw for a moment, trying to breathe through it.
"That's quite alright, darling," Laudna said, and Imogen could hear how Laudna's worry slowly turned from agitation, bordering on panic, to a slow drone of strings, something mournful but also soft, steady. "Would a bath feel nice?" she asked. "A nice soak after a long day, maybe relax your muscles a bit?"
Imogen paused for a moment, taken aback by the suggestion. "Oh..." she murmured, "that sounds real nice, uhm...but, s'lotta work, Laud. I don't wanna put ya out...feel bad enough that I'm no fun right now," she said with a half-hearted chuckle.
Imogen felt a gentle tug on her coat. She lowered her arms from where she'd been rubbing at her eyes, allowing Laudna to tug her coat off. She hung it up beside Imogen's scarf, and when she turned back to Imogen, a serious look reflected in her eyes.
"Imogen," Laudna said softly as she reached forward to gently nudge Imogen's glasses up the bridge of her nose. She seemed to deliberate for a moment, fingers absently trailing up Imogen's forehead to brush a stray lock of lavender hair behind her ear. "Darling, taking care of you is never putting me out," she murmured, her voice gentle, but so steady, so assured, as if it were an absolute truth.
Imogen wanted to believe it was.
D'ya mind if I talk up here? Imogen asked after a long moment. She hesitated, but finally leaned her forehead against Laudna's shoulder, closing her eyes. I can't...talkin's real hard right now.
"Of course," Laudna said, cool fingers weaving into Imogen's hair as she cradled the back of her head, her other arm wound around Imogen's back. "Would a bath help?" she asked again after a quiet moment, "Get you cleaned up and warm after a long day? Or would you rather lay down?"
Imogen couldn't help but nuzzle closer, Laudna's soft sweater against her cheek, that light yet earthy perfume she wore that always reminded Imogen of decayed leaves and incense, and she let herself rest a moment.
I feel so gross, Laud, Imogen said in Laudna's head, groaning quietly into her shoulder. M'sorry, I probably smell.
Laudna chuckled as she hugged Imogen a little tighter, and Imogen squeezed her eyes shut as she felt Laudna press a kiss to her head. "Yes, you smell like pie, darling," Laudna said, her voice nearly deadpan. "There are much worse things to smell like, believe me."
Imogen giggled, wrapping her arms around Laudna's waist, and they stood like that for a moment until Laudna rubbed her hand along Imogen's back.
"Alright, we can fix that easily enough," she said, her voice soft but cheerful. "Come sit for a moment, I'll go run your bath."
Imogen reluctantly let go of Laudna and let herself be led towards the couch, and she groaned softly as she leaned against the cushions.
"There we are, I'll be back in two shakes," Laudna promised, and then she was gone, footsteps padding towards the bathroom.
Imogen sat there with her eyes closed as she listened to Laudna's footsteps, listened to the way her thoughts flitted from one thing to the next like falling leaves.
Not too hot, no, no, too cold now—would she like...lavender maybe—
Candle...would be nice, not too bright—
Must see if I still have...tea, I think she liked—
It was soothing, listening to Laudna just...be.
Imogen wasn't sure how much time had passed when she was shaken from her thoughts as Laudna's hand found her shoulder. Imogen cracked her eyes open, looking up at her friend.
"The tub is just finishing filling up but everything else is ready," Laudna said as she sat on the edge of the coffee table. "Let’s get your boots off, shall we? I'm sorry, I can't quite kneel down, are you able to get your foot up here?" she asked, patting her good knee.
Imogen managed to hike her leg up, but the rest was a bit of a blur as Laudna tugged the knotted laces free and then pulled her boot off, repeating the motions with the other just the same.
"Do scents make your headaches worse?" Laudna asked as she led Imogen to the bathroom, her hand firmly clasped around Imogen's, her left arm wrapped around her shoulders as they walked slowly down the hall. "I can't quite remember if you've mentioned it, but I can add some lavender oil to the water, if you'd like."
Imogen hummed, thinking. Can I smell it first?
"Of course," Laudna nodded, and squeezed Imogen's hand.
Imogen rubbed at her eyes a little as they entered the bathroom, and she felt that lump that always lodged itself in her throat whenever she was around Launda lately tighten at the sight before her.
The lights were low, the overhead fixture shut off in favor of the small sconce that sat above the mirror, and a myriad of pillar candles sat on the little table by the bath, the windowsill, the sink. The little flames flickered and reflected off the water, the little black and white tiles on the floor, the glass of the window and the mirror above the sink. Steam rose from the claw foot tub, the air thick with gentle humidity. Beside the candle on the low table by the tub sat a glass of water, a bottle of ibuprofen, and one of Imogen’s nasal sprays.
"Here," Laudna said as she unscrewed the cap from a small black bottle. She held it out, waving her hand over the lip of the bottle to waft the scent towards Imogen. "Good?" she asked, "Bad?"
Imogen breathed deep, the subtle scent washing over her, and she hummed deep in her throat. "Yeah," she breathed. That's real nice, actually, she continued in Laudna's head, I can do a little of that. Cuttin' through some of the brain noise. It's, um...it's quieter, here, than the shop. Startin' to go down a little, I think.
“Oh, well, that's wonderful," Laudna smiled, her face lighting up. "Come come, we’ll get you settled.”
Imogen tried desperately to tamp down the fluttering of her stomach, heat creeping up her cheeks as she tugged at the knotted drawstring of her joggers.
Laudna had seen her without pants before, a number of times, but that was always when they were changing to go to bed, or Imogen was running around her apartment half-dressed after a shower, rushing to get ready. It'd never been like this.
It had never been this up close, this intimate.
And it was becoming increasingly obvious that she wasn't going to be able to get undressed on her own.
Imogen sighed, fumbling with the drawstring as she tried to shove the elastic of her joggers off of her right ankle with her left toe, and she suddenly yelped, slamming her hand against the wall with a thud as she lost her balance.
Laudna whirled around from where she'd been testing the temperature of the water, and she reached forward, her damp hand grasping Imogen's wrist. "Imogen, darling, are you alright?" she asked worriedly, her mind suddenly buzzing with concern again.
M'fine, m'okay, Imogen groaned, massaging the palm of her hand. Jus' lost my balance is all, damn elastic is so wide I can't push it off my ankle, she grumbled, wiggling her foot to show Laudna.
Laudna was quiet for a long moment, warring thoughts dancing around Imogen's periphery as they stood there.
"I do hope this doesn't come across as anything untoward," Laudna said slowly, an edge of nervousness to her voice. "But, may I help you get undressed?"
Imogen's breath caught, and she tried to force her sluggish brain to come up with an answer, but Laudna's nervous thoughts bubbled over before Imogen could speak.
"I-I just don't want you to struggle unnecessarily, or, or get hurt. I want you to have your privacy, of course," she added quickly, "but...I want you to be safe," she finished softly, chewing on her lip as she let go of Imogen's wrist, instead letting her hand slide down to hold Imogen's.
Imogen swallowed hard, her heart thudding in her chest.
Alright.
"Okay, so...so I will. I will," Laudna said clumsily. She huffed a little and shook her head, and Imogen grimaced, trying to build up her mental walls again, struggling to shut out the nervous buzzing of Laudna's thoughts.
No reason why at least one of them shouldn't get a little privacy.
"Only as long as you're comfortable, dearest," Laudna said softly, pausing as Imogen tensed.
Imogen shook her head a little. "No...s'okay," Imogen said quietly. She took a shuddering breath, finding that the words were coming just a little easier as she decompressed. "It's...it's," she paused, s'really okay, Laud. I trust you, she sent over their mental link, hoping that Laudna wouldn't notice the way her hands were shaking.
Laudna nodded, giving her a small smile. "I'm going to tug your pants off, alright?" she asked, and when Imogen nodded, bracing her arm against the wall, Laudna bent down to pull the elastic over Imogen's ankles, and then reached up to tug her joggers down. Imogen's breath hitched as Laudna's cool hands brushed her calves as she pulled off one sock and then the other.
Imogen was acutely aware that Laudna had never seen the purple scars on her thighs so close before, and she breathed slowly, trying to ignore the way her heart lodged in her throat. It was dim in the bathroom, but Laudna had good eyes, especially in the dark, and it was hard to miss the way her scars pulsed when her head hurt like this.
She clenched her teeth a little, trying to force away the tears that wanted to form.
"How do you do this at home?" Laudna asked as she straightened up, gently placing her hands on Imogen's shoulders for a moment, making sure she was still stable.
I don’t, really. I get in bed and wriggle outta my pants and just deal with the rest in the mornin', she said with a shrug. Showerin's for when the headache breaks.
Something like discomfort flashed over Laudna's face, and she shook her head, looking almost frustrated. "I don’t like the thought of you struggling with this," she said quietly, "I don't like the thought of you doing all of this alone."
Imogen shook her head a little. Deanna and Orym and everyone help, I ain't totally alone. But, y'know, they have lives they gotta worry about, can't always come runnin' when my head starts to pound, and I wouldn't want 'em to, she unbuttoned the cuffs of her light blue flannel. and...I have you, she added quietly, barely a whisper in Laudna's mind as their eyes met for a moment. Thank you, for this...everythin'. No one's ever wanted to get close enough for this.
Laudna hummed quietly, her eyes pensive. They're fools, then, she said, answering in Imogen's head, to look at you and not see the gift that is knowing you.
It took everything Imogen had to not lean forward and kiss her.
Laudna reached for the buttons of her flannel as their gaze broke, and paused for a moment, waiting for Imogen to nod before she started unbuttoning it. Deft fingers made short work of the little white buttons, and Imogen found herself in just her underwear.
"Do you want to get into the bath with your lingerie?" Laudna asked.
Imogen laughed a little, unable to contain it. It's hardly lingerie, Laud, they're boy shorts with lil pies on 'em that Dee got me as a joke last year, and the elastic in this bra gave up about a month ago, she took a breath, trying to quell the shaking in her hands, the heavy thudding of her heart in her chest. But, um, not really...don't like how wet clothes feel.
Laudna hummed, nodding in sympathy. "I don't like it very much, either," she said. "I can leave you be, now, if you'd like? Or, do you still need help?"
Imogen went to reach behind herself to unclasp her bra, but she grimaced, the odd angle pulling at her stiff neck. I don't think I can get this off on my own, she said, flushing in embarrassment.
"That's quite alright, darling," Laudna said, motioning for Imogen to turn around.
Gentle static tingled the edges of Imogen's mind, and she blinked in confusion before she registered that it was coming from Laudna. It wasn't unpleasant, just strange. It felt almost...intentional? Imogen had heard all kinds of tones and sounds and melodies from Laudna's mind, but this felt pointed in a way that was new.
Imogen was far too tired to put too much thought into it anyways.
"Sorry, my hands are a bit chilly," Laudna said as she fiddled with the clasp her bra.
S'alright, Imogen hummed, her eyes closing for a moment as she felt the way Laudna's fingers nudged against her back as she unclasped her bra. Imogen slid it off while her back was to her friend, and she wrapped her arm around her chest before turning around again.
Imogen felt Laudna's eyes on her as she turned, and tried not to dwell too hard on the way Laudna's eyes flicked over her chest, her thighs, her arms as she felt her scars flare.
She heard Laudna's breath catch as faint lavender light poured from the cracks in her skin.
Imogen grimaced, avoiding Laudna's gaze. She took a breath, forcing a chuckle. I know it ain't the prettiest sight, sorry, she said quietly as she reached down with her free hand to push her boy shorts down. She looked up again, just as Laudna began to focus very intently on Imogen's face, careful not to let her eyes wander.
There was something like disbelief in Laudna's eyes, though.
“Darling, don’t be sorry," Laudna said softly, "I...I think they’re very pretty.”
Sure, Imogen said with a small smile, nodding as she looked down again, shuffling towards the bath. She stopped, though, when she felt a cool hand cup her jaw.
“You’re very pretty, in all manner of speaking," Laudna murmured, her voice sure, deliberate, "these scars are on you, and thus they are beautiful because they belong to you. I just...don’t want you to think I’m staring in a sexual manner. That would be inappropriate at a time like this, to...to say the least.”
“And any other time?” Imogen asked in a whisper, her voice cracked, the words spilling out before she could stop herself.
Imogen watched as wine-red blush spread across Laudna's cheeks like a bruise, and she opened her mouth to take it back right as the kettle began whistling in the kitchen.
Laudna flinched at the sudden noise, blinking rapidly as she glanced back at the door.
"That—that'll be the tea," Laudna said, her voice rough and unsteady. She cleared her throat. "Let's get you in the bath, and then I can go take care of that—" she said hastily.
Right, right, sorry, Imogen said, only hesitating for a moment before taking Laudna's hand to step into the bath.
She groaned softly as she sank into the steaming water, and she leaned back, laying her head against the folded towel Laudna had draped over the side like a pillow. She watched as Laudna scurried from the room to go quiet the kettle, and she closed her eyes as her heart gave a heavy tug.
"Why did ya say that?" she hissed at herself, shaking her head a little. She didn't drink much, but sometimes a migraine made her run her mouth more than a couple drinks did.
Imogen took a shuddering breath, and let herself sink down until her head slipped under the water.
More and more, whenever she saw Laudna, whenever she talked to her, thought about her, the weight in her chest would tug, growing heavier every time as she tried to push it away, shove it into a box and forget about it.
Laudna didn't want that. She didn't want a partner. She'd said that she'd never really entertained the thought of being romantic, and Imogen wouldn't dare cross that boundary, wouldn't dare thrust something upon Laudna that she wasn't comfortable with, and that was fine. That was absolutely fine, Imogen would just keep cramming these feelings into the box in her heart labeled Laudna and they would be fine.
She would be fine.
She surfaced again, and ran her hands down her face, rubbing at her eyes as her breath hitched, trying to blink the tears away.
Normally she was better at containing herself, wrestling down the monster in her chest, but the pain in her neck, in her head, the way her mind felt rubbed raw from the chaos of her shop all day, the mounting stress of the holiday baking rush.
Being so, so close to Laudna. So vulnerable before her.
Imogen sniffled, a few tears falling as she lay her head against the towel again, hugging her knees.
Laudna soon returned, mug of tea in hand, and her face fell when Imogen looked up at her, red-rimmed eyes obvious despite the heat in the room.
“Oh, no, don’t cry, darling, it’ll be alright," Laudna cooed, hurrying forward the last few steps. She set the mug down on the table beside the tub and sat on the little wooden foot stool. "We’ll get you settled and you can take your medicine, and it’ll be just fine," she said softly, reaching forward to catch a droplet of water that ran down Imogen's forehead, brushing it aside with her thumb before it could fall into Imogen's eyes.
Imogen sniffled a little, shaking her head. No, m’fine I swear, it wasn’t a bad day or anythin', just real loud so I gotta kinda get it out I guess, Imogen said, sitting up a little more.
Laudna hummed. "I do that too, I understand," she gave Imogen a soft smile, her hand still on Imogen's cheek. "Here, drink your tea and take your medicine. I’ll be in the living room, alright? Just message me when you need help.”
—
Laudna?
It'd been nearly an hour since Laudna had left the bathroom, and Imogen spent a good portion of it just sitting in the hot water, pausing here and there as she washed up, staring at the wall and casting prestidigitation to keep the water warm while her mind was miles away.
Well, not miles.
It was in the kitchen—her mind on Laudna as she absently listened to the way Laudna's thoughts meandered, jumping from one thing to the next, little spikes and jitters in her melody whenever Laudna found something that piqued her interest as she moved about the space. Sometimes colors would filter through as well as sound.
It'd been happening more often since Laudna had decorated for the holidays, her apartment a riot of colorful lights and ornaments.
Everything alright, darling?
Yeah, um, jus' forgot to bring a change'a clothes in. Could you grab the clothes from my bag?
Of course, I'll be right there.
Imogen took a deep breath as she heard Laudna's footsteps grow closer to the bathroom, and she scrubbed her face with her hands, trying to wake up a little more, come out of the spaced out stupor she'd been in for a while.
She'd taken the painkillers, begrudgingly taken that awful nasal spray and chased it with the tea, and it was starting to take the edge off the pain. The hot water had helped loosen up her neck, and while she was far from all better, she would take the improvement.
"Imogen?" Laudna called, gently knocking on the door. "May I come in?"
"Yeah, s'okay," Imogen called back, and she mustered a small smile as Laudna peeked around the door, a bundle of clothes in hand.
Laudna's eyes crinkled a little as she smiled. "You left this flannel here last week, I thought you might like it as well," she said, "Oh! I just remembered, Zhudanna knitted you another pair of socks—oh, remind me to give them to you when we get back out into the living room, it can be an early Winter's Crest present!" she said excitedly as she set Imogen's clothes down beside the sink. She turned back to Imogen. "Are you alright to stand?" she asked, "here, I'll get you a towel," she said, reaching for the cabinet by the door.
"Yeah, I can stand," Imogen nodded, unable to bite back a smile at Laudna's excitement. She reached down and pulled the plug on the tub before carefully getting to her feet, trying to ignore how exposed she suddenly felt again.
"Just take my hands, I promise I won't look," Laudna said, her eyes dutifully glued to the ceiling. She held her hands out wide, a fluffy towel held between them.
Just as Imogen was stepping out of the tub, her hands gently gripping Laudna's, her foot slipped against the slick porcelain, a startled yelp escaping her as she lurched forward.
Laudna stumbled back half a step as Imogen collided with her chest, and they both let out an oof as Laudna's arms wrapped tightly around Imogen, holding her against her chest as they both regained their balance.
"Are you alright?" Laudna asked, still hugging her tight, the towel the only thing between them.
"Y-yeah, fine," Imogen choked out as she finished stepping out of the bath. "I'm not dizzy much anymore, I swear, just...must'a hit a slippery spot or somethin'," she said, her face all but pressed to Laudna's collarbone.
She felt Laudna take a deep breath, shuddering slightly against her, and Imogen stepped back just enough to look at her.
"Okay," Laudna nodded, "as long as you're alright," she brushed aside a lock of wet hair that had fallen into Imogen's eyes. "Would you like me to dry your hair? I know you don't like sleeping with it wet."
Imogen nodded. "That sounds real nice, Laud," she sighed, "hate wakin' up all soggy," she continued, wrinkling her nose.
Laudna laughed softly, and Imogen groaned a little at the sensation of Laudna's long nails scraping lightly against her scalp as Laudna ran her delicate fingers through her hair, repeatedly whispering the incantation for prestidigitation.
"It sounds like your voice is back," Laudna said as she ran her fingers through the ends of Imogen's hair now. Imogen's eyes had slipped closed at the sensation of Laudna's hands in her hair, but she could hear the smile in her voice.
"Yeah," Imogen murmured, breathing deep through her nose.
—
Warmth bloomed in Imogen's chest yet again as Laudna led her out into the living room, their fingers laced, Laudna's skin cool against her own.
She hadn't really taken it in when she first shuffled into Laudna's apartment, her vision blurred and head spinning, but the sight before her made her chest tug heavily, a soft smile on her face.
She'd been in Laudna's apartment plenty since she'd started decorating for Winter's Crest, but there was just...something about it, tonight. Maybe because Winter's Crest was tomorrow. Maybe because she'd be waking up with Laudna on the morning of Winter's Crest, even if it wasn't really in the way she wanted to. Really though, she would gladly take it to be close to her.
Whatever Laudna wanted, she was happy to give.
It just felt...particularly cozy, tonight.
Laudna's living room was small but not cramped, wide windows facing east and shrouded in maroon curtains, partially drawn. between the windows sat a small fireplace made of stone and brick that was currently lit, merrily crackling away as soft music sounded from the record player over by the kitchen. Garland was strung around the windows, twinkling lights accompanying it.
Really, anywhere that could conceivably accommodate lights was adorned with twinkling strings.
Beside the fireplace and framed by the window was Laudna's tree, the one Imogen had helped her pick out and cut down, the one Laudna had been so excited about, having never gone to cut her own before. It was laden with lights and garlands, branches heavy with all manner of homemade ornaments, some made by Laudna's hands, some carefully carved by Chetney. Beneath it sat carefully wrapped presents, and Imogen paused when she noticed a third stocking hanging from the mantle, situated between Laudna's, and the tiny one for Pâté. It was made of blue flannel, Imogen carefully stitched on it in red thread.
"Come, let's get you settled," Laudna said, leading Imogen towards the couch. "I wasn't sure if you were hungry, so I made some tea and toast just in—Imogen?" Laudna looked back when Imogen didn't move right away.
"You made me a stockin'?" Imogen asked softly as she looked back to Laudna, a soft, open look of wonder on her face.
A smile stretched across Laudna's face. "Of course, darling, it's not Winter's Crest without a stocking, you know.”
Imogen smiled, her heart thudding as she tugged Laudna back to her.
“Don’t you want to sit—oh,” Laudna gasped softly as Imogen pulled her into a hug, her scarred hands gripping the back of Laudna’s sweater, her face nuzzled into Laudna’s neck.
Imogen felt Laudna tense ever so slightly in surprise before she melted again, wrapping around Imogen and squeezing her tight.
“Thank you,” Imogen whispered. "You're really wonderful, y'know that?"
"Oh, well—" Laudna spluttered a little, and Imogen could feel Laudna's fingers dance nervously along her back. "I don't know about that darling, I just like making things for you, is all," she said bashfully.
"No, you are," Imogen insisted, pulling back just enough to look up at her.
Laudna looked down at her with a wobbly smile, her eyes soft in the dim light. "Well," Laudna said quietly, "you're very easy to be wonderful to."
Imogen's heart gave another wretched tug.
"Laudna, I—" Imogen began, but she was cut off as her phone began to ring, her phone beeping much like the oven timer at the shop. "Ah, shit, that's Deanna, she said she was gonna call to check in," Imogen sighed, reluctantly detangling herself from Laudna's arms to pick up her phone. She began to walk towards the front door when Laudna caught her hand.
"Darling, it's freezing out, and I'd rather you not be on my back stoop right now, what with all the stairs," she said, "I'll go in my room, alright? Just call for me when you're finished."
"Alright," Imogen nodded, watching as Laudna turned away, padding down the hall towards her room.
Imogen looked down at her phone, taking a deep breath before she picked up.
"Hey," Imogen sighed, sinking onto the couch as she ran a hand through her hair. Her head still hurt, but it'd gone down considerably, and she was able to think just a little clearer now.
"Hey," came Deanna's voice from the other end. Imogen could hear the clattering of pans in the background, and she smiled a little as she heard Chetney say something she couldn't make out.
"Just wanted to check in, make sure you're alright," she continued. "How's your head feeling?"
"Better," Imogen said, "ain't back to normal, but, y'know. S'lot better. Laudna helped a lot, always does," she said, hoping the hitch in her voice wasn't that noticeable.
Deanna was quiet for a moment, and Imogen could almost feel the scrutinizing through the phone.
"You sound like you've been crying," Deanna said finally, "is everything alright?"
Apparently, it was very noticeable.
Nothing like having someone call you on it to open the floodgates.
Imogen let out a wet laugh, wiping at her eyes with the cuff of her shirt. She shook her head at herself, trying to figure out what to say.
"I'm in so much trouble," Imogen said finally, her voice cracking as she rested her forehead in her palm, her elbow on her thigh as she curled in on herself.
"What?" Deanna asked, sounding a little alarmed. Imogen heard the clanging of pans on the other end stop as Deanna seemed to freeze. "Honey, what's going on?"
"I'm so in love with her, Dee," Imogen choked out, "I don't know what to do," she continued, her voice taking on a frantic edge. "I think I might burst soon if I don't tell her, but, gods, Deanna, she's not—what if I ruin fuckin' everything—"
"Oh, baby," Deanna sighed, her already soft voice growing tender. "Honey, just talk to her."
"But—"
"Imogen," Deanna said, her voice still gentle, though firm as she cut her off. "Has she ever told you flat out that she doesn't want a partner?"
"No," Imogen sniffled, "She's just...she said that she's never accessed that part of her brain, her mother used to try to marry her off whenever some rich fuck offered enough incentive, it's not a...it's not an appealing idea for her."
"Well, luckily you're not some rich fuck, then, huh?" Deanna said, and Imogen could practically hear the raised eyebrow in her tone. Imogen opened her mouth to reply, but Deanna continued on before she could. "You're not forcing her into anything by telling her how you feel, if that's what you're worried about," she said, "honestly, I have a feeling it'll be a welcome idea to her."
"You think?" Imogen mumbled, leaning back against the couch now, her eyes closed. She sniffled a little, feeling the tears subside.
"I've seen the way she looks at you," Deanna said, a warm laugh in her words. "She's only got eyes for you."
"Dee..." Imogen sighed, her stomach tied in anxious knots.
"Go talk to her, honey," Deanna said, "and I better see you two holding hands and being cute at dinner tomorrow, alright? I made FRIDA set up the mistletoe, don't make it go to waste."
Imogen opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, the line went dead, and Imogen just sat there for a moment, gaping at her phone.
"I'm gonna kill her," she mumbled to herself.
M'finished, Laudna, Imogen called out quietly, too tired and far too comfortable to get off the couch right away.
A few minutes later, Laudna's soft footsteps came down the hall.
"Everything alright, dear?" Laudna asked as she came to stand behind the couch.
Imogen opened her eyes, looking up at Laudna with a soft smile. "Yeah, she jus' wanted to check in," Imogen murmured.
Laudna hummed, nodding. "Are you hungry?" she asked, brushing Imogen's hair away from her forehead, both of them looking at the other upside down. "Eating might help your head. I made some soup today, or maybe a grilled cheese?" Laudna offered, her finger now rubbing gently between Imogen's eyebrows.
"The toast is plenty, I didn't eat too long ago. Deanna picked up sandwiches from Letters' place," she said with a yawn.
"Alright, then," Laudna nodded, rounding the couch now to sit down. "Would you like to watch a movie, perhaps?" she asked as she fluffed one of the many pillows and placed it on her lap, patting it gently with her hand.
Imogen couldn't help but smile as her heart tugged, and she pulled her glasses off as she scooted towards Laudna, leaning over to rest her head in Laudna's lap.
—
Imogen blinked awake some time later, her eyes blurry without her glasses. She groaned a little at the back of her throat, her head shifting against the pillow.
"Imogen?" Laudna asked softly, "are you awake?"
"Mhmm," Imogen hummed, stifling a yawn. "Shit...sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep," she sighed, "was I out long?"
"Don't be sorry, darling, I'm glad you got some rest," Laudna smiled, brushing Imogen's hair away from her eyes as Imogen rolled onto her back to look up at her. "You were asleep for maybe an hour. How's your head feeling?"
Imogen rubbed her face with her hands, her brain taking a moment to catch up to her body. Her migraine had diminished to a dull thud behind her eyes, and her neck was still a little sore, but much better than it had been before her bath.
"Pretty good, considerin'," Imogen said with a tired smile. It faltered a moment later. "Oh, shit I'm sorry, was I leanin' on your bad knee?" she asked, beginning to sit up.
"No, no, you're just fine, don't worry," Laudna said, a gentle hand on Imogen's shoulder as she sat up.
Imogen laughed under her breath. "M'always gonna worry about you," she murmured, tucking her legs under her as she curled up beside Laudna.
Laudna tilted her head to the side a little. "What do you mean?"
Imogen glanced up at her from where she'd been adjusting her flannel shirt, brows drawing together at Laudna's confused look. "What?"
Laudna shifted to face Imogen, her hands fiddling with the tassel on the pillow still in her lap. "You said you're always going to worry about me," Laudna said, looking anxious, her brows furrowed as she continued to play with the tassel, tugging lightly on the strings and running a long nail along the ridged bulb. "I don't want to cause you distress, darling, you have far too much to worry about already."
Imogen smiled, shaking her head a little. "I don't mean it like that, honey," she said, the endearment slipping out before she could catch it. "It's just cause...cause I love you," she said softly, shrugging. "You're not stressin' me out or nothin', I just worry because I care about you."
"Oh," Laudna murmured, a small, bashful smile tugging at her lips. "In that case, then, I worry about you as well. And I love you too," she smiled, her cheeks darkening.
Imogen's smile faltered a little, emotion welling up in her throat again. She took a shaky breath, leaning her cheek against the back of the couch.
"Can I ask you somethin'?" Imogen finally said, staring very intently at her lap.
"Of course, darling," Laudna said softly. she turned for a moment to grab the remote, turning the already low volume of the movie down a bit. "You are always free to ask me whatever you like."
Imogen smiled a little.
Just talk to her.
"I was just...just wonderin'," Imogen began, hands shaking just a little bit. She reached for the pillow behind her and hugged it tight to her chest. "You've said before, that...y'know, you never really accessed the...the romantic part of your brain." Laudna's eyebrows rose, a look of quiet shock coming over her, and Imogen tried not to falter. "Do you mean...do you not want that?" she asked, the words tumbling out of her mouth, "Like, you don't want a partner, or, or do you mean that you just...hadn't entertained the idea?"
Imogen sat there, her heart somehow pounding against her ribs while it sat firmly lodged in her throat as a rapid series of emotions flickered over Laudna's face. Laudna's melody grew discordant, but not distressed, not frightened, just a deluge of of different emotions and feelings coming together in a crash of sound and color, and Imogen grimaced a little, doing her best to keep her mental walls up, to give Laudna her privacy, especially now.
"Oh," Laudna breathed, a faraway look in her eyes as she looked past Imogen, staring at nothing. She was quiet for a long moment, and somehow, Imogen's heart beat faster, adrenaline creeping through her veins.
"You don't have to answer if that's too much," Imogen said quickly, gripping the pillow tighter to her chest. "I'm sorry, I shoulda never asked that, pryin' too much—"
"No," Laudna said quickly, her eyes snapping back to Imogen. "No, no, that's perfectly alright, Imogen, please don't be sorry. I told you that you could ask me whatever you like," she took a breath. "I'm just...thinking of an answer."
Imogen nodded, too afraid to speak.
Laudna was quiet for a long moment, staring at her hands as they twisted together.
"I think...I think it's more that I haven't entertained the idea, at least not in a very long time," she said slowly. Imogen felt her heart lurch as Laudna glanced up at her before her dark eyes fell to her hands again. "My mother...romance, or, or a partner was never something that was...up to me?" she said, grimacing a little as Imogen watched her carefully search for the right words. "My mother tried to arrange many potential partners for me," she continued, "but they were never interested in me, just my mother's money. Which was just as well, I suppose, seeing as I was never interested in any of them," she took a breath. "I...I may not feel those desires often, in terms of, um, attraction, but I do think I would like a partner, someday," she nodded, though her smile was rueful, sad. "Though, that does require someone to be equally interested in me," she said with a dry, almost forced laugh. "No one ever has been, so, you know, I've just sort of...put that fantasy away," she shrugged. She looked up at Imogen, and her forced smile dropped, a look of worry coming over her. "Imogen?"
Imogen's heart was shattered, just not in the way she was expecting.
She sat stock still, her lips parted and her brow furrowed as she stared at Laudna with a look of utter heartbreak on her face as tears gathered in her eyes.
"Darling, are you alright?"
"Can I kiss you?" Imogen blurted before she could stop herself.
Laudna blinked, shock in her eyes as she froze, staring back at Imogen.
"A-alright?" she croaked, and when Imogen didn't move, she cleared her throat a little. "Alright," she said again, nodding despite the shock that still colored her face.
"Okay," Imogen said shakily, "So, I will. I will," she swallowed hard as she leaned forward, her palm finding Laudna's cheek as Laudna leaned in, and Imogen thought her heart might just shatter her ribs in its desperation to be closer to the one it belonged to.
Imogen felt Laudna gasp softly as their lips met.
The kiss was slow, tentative and careful. Imogen's hand cradled Laudna's cheek, her thumb brushing back and forth, and she sighed through her nose as she felt Laudna's hand sink into her hair, felt Laudna's lips press a little more insistently against her own.
When they broke apart, Imogen pressed her forehead to Laudna's, her eyes still closed as her heart thudded in her ears, her hand still cradling Laudna's face, and she let out a shaky breath between damp lips as cautious smile quirked her lips.
"Imogen?" Laudna whispered, her voice raspy, wobbly.
"I'm so in love with you, Laudna," Imogen said softly, her voice hitching. She swallowed hard. "If...if it's...if I'm not what you want, I-I understand, but, I thought I might just fuckin' die if I didn't tell—"
Imogen's words were cut off as Laudna surged forward, pressing a burning kiss to Imogen's lips, both of her hands holding Imogen's face now, and Imogen melted into it, her hands fisting in Laudna's sweater.
Laudna might run cool, her hands perpetually cold and her lips a little chapped and rough, but Imogen had never felt something so warm.
They gasped together as they broke apart, and Imogen's eyes fluttered open, looking up at Laudna with a look of awe in her violet eyes.
Laudna stared back down at her, her dark eyes impossibly deep and warm, tears gathered at the corners, a few having escaped down her cheeks.
"Don't cry," Imogen whispered as she reached up to wipe them away, the back of her scarred hand brushing against Laudna's pale cheek. She tucked a stray strand of white hair behind her ear.
"You love me?" Laudna whispered, disbelief and awe in her voice.
Imogen nodded, a faint smile on her lips. "Desperately."
"I love you more than anything," Laudna said, her voice wobbly. She bit her lip for a moment before surging forward and pressing another kiss to the corner of Imogen's mouth, startling a giggle from her.
"Ya wanna go out with me sometime?" Imogen laughed, her accent thick as she spoke around the lump in her throat.
"I would love nothing more, darling," Laudna sniffled, her smile nearly splitting her face in two.
Imogen leaned forward, burying her face in Laudna's neck as she continued to laugh, the tension escaping her body any way it could.
"What's so funny?" Laudna chuckled, arms wrapping around Imogen to pull her closer.
"Deanna's never gonna let me live this down."