Work Text:
Ice sat on the couch reading until he heard the sound of a car pulling in the driveway. Immediately, he set the book down in the center of the coffee table and rushed into the kitchen. His eyes darted around the space to find that he had already done the dishes as well as cleaned the countertops. They looked presentable, he thought, but maybe he should clean them again just in case they weren’t acceptable. He hadn’t started anything for dinner since Maverick said he was picking something up so Ice didn’t have to cook. It had been such a nice gesture that Ice had been almost positive he had made Maverick angry with the food that he made recently, but his husband quickly assured him that it was nothing of the sort, he just didn’t want Ice to have all that hassle after a long week of work.
Ice shook his head to clear it, focus turned back on the kitchen. He went for the trash and found that it was only about halfway full. But, what if their dinner had a lot of takeout containers and it started to overfill? What if the trash was beginning to smell and Ice just couldn’t tell? It was always better to do a chore early just in case. So, he pulled the edges of the bag free from the trash and used the ties to secure it closed. He began to carry it down the hallway, turn the corner, and entered the garage where the larger trash bin was located.
It was then that he saw that Maverick wasn’t driving his car, or more like had parked it in favor of climbing into Ice’s and backing it out of the garage before pulling it back in a tad bit more over to the left. When Maverick saw Ice, he smiled broadly and gave him a wide wave.
Ice gasped as he dropped the bag, which landed with a solid thunk on the cement ground. He hadn’t moved his car over far enough when he parked it. That had to be why Maverick had gotten out to park it better before having to pull his own car into the driveway. How had Ice been so stupid?! He knew exactly how far to pull it over and he just hadn’t. Now Maverick had to inconvenience himself by getting out of his own car into Ice’s, only to get back into his car again. That had added a whole couple minutes to his day. How had Ice been so inconsiderate?
“Hey, I hope Chinese is okay for dinner,” Maverick announced gleefully as he climbed out of Ice’s car after he put it into park. “I got those extra noodles you like and everything.”
Ice was no longer listening. Instead, he picked up the trash and threw it into the bin before rushing back inside without another word. He heard Maverick behind him, calling his name, but it did nothing to halt him. He feared going into his bedroom since that would be the cowardly way out, and he couldn’t return to the living room and read as that would be blatantly unacceptable. The only place he felt somewhat safe was the kitchen, and when he arrived back in, he instantly reached for a dish rag to wet and begin to clean the countertop again. It may not have looked horrible, but there had to have been at least something he could clean so it looked absolutely spotless.
Which was where Maverick found him once he had parked his car in the garage and carried the Chinese food in. He set the two bags on the island with Ice’s head snapping up the moment he arrived.
“I-I didn’t help bring it it,” Ice stammered.
Maverick shrugged. “I know. It was only two bags. You don’t think I’m that weak, do ya?”
Ice’s mouth went dry. That wasn’t what he meant at all. There was a teasing glint in Maverick’s eye, but could the man really be joking with him or was it some elaborate trick to make him think that?
“No—no…..I.” Ice trailed off and turned away to continue scrubbing at the counter in fierce, fluid strokes. Tears were slowly clouding his vision as he worked, thickness welling in the depths of his throat. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t feel. All he wanted was for this feeling to stop and it had him clutching at his chest with his opposite arm, shirt gripped tight as his fingers splayed against his chest.
“Ice….Ice?” Maverick took a step closer and Ice let out a high pitched whine. His left hand immediately came up to his temple to push hard as he started to hum, loud and buzzing to distract him from the pain that radiated through his entire body. Maverick stopped dead when he heard the sounds Ice was making, arms spread in the most non-threatening position he could be in. “Okay, I won’t come any closer until you’re ready.”
Ice peeled his eyes open, sticky with tears, bottom lip quivering. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed.
“For what, honey?”
“The car! I should’ve known to pull it farther and then you had to get out of your car to fix mine and—“
“Is that what this is about? Sweetheart, you parked fine. It was all me, I swear. I forgot to move over the lawnmower last night and I was terrified I’d accidentally scratch your car if I tried to park mine. You know how I am driving.” Maverick let out a slight chuckle. “I just didn’t want to risk hitting your car so I thought I’d move it. I didn’t trust me, Ice, it had nothing to do with you, I promise.”
“I still should’ve known better! I should’ve…” Ice trailed off as his breath started to hiccup when he tried to speak. He hated himself for breaking down this easy, and in front of Maverick as soon as he got home from work. He didn’t want to be the cause of anymore strife in Maverick’s life, even though Maverick was normally the one that tended to cause most of the trouble between the two of them.
Ignoring the warning signs that were flashing in Maverick’s mind, he reached out and took Ice’s wrists in hand. The dishcloth fell from his grip as he looked up to Maverick, jaw gaped open as he fought to speak.
“Honey, sweetheart, I need you to breathe with me. Alright? I’m not angry with you, you did absolutely nothing wrong. This was all me, I promise,” Maverick continued as he massaged at Ice’s wrists, hoping that the pressure would help with grounding. “Nothing is going to happen. You’re safe, here, with me.”
Ice shook his head. “I can hear him, though. I can always hear him.” His face crumpled as he started to cry again. “Them in my head telling me how I make idiotic mistakes and how could I possibly be in the Navy and still forget little things? I always mess up and I don’t fucking want to anymore!”
Maverick hardly flinched as Ice’s voice rose. He wasn’t one to yell….ever. The intensity in which he did told Maverick all he needed to know about Ice’s home life. He hadn’t shared much, and anytime Maverick had asked, Ice was always keen to change the subject. He knew bits and pieces, and that Ice was no longer in contact with both of his parents, though he hadn’t understood the extent of the damage until now.
Sure, Maverick was used to Ice overreacting over stuff sometimes, like when he would drop a glass and immediately profusely apologize no matter what Maverick tried to do to reassure him that it was a simple mistake, Ice never believed him. Leaving the fridge open, not feeling like he cleaned thoroughly enough, or thinking that he was the cause of all of Maverick’s problems. Maverick always had to reassure him, and just when he hoped they were getting somewhere, it felt as though they were taking two steps back.
Slowly, Ice began to crumple into Maverick as he sobbed into his chest. Fistfuls of Maverick’s uniform were bunched in his shaking hands. His face pressed into Maverick’s shoulder, the musky tang of his cologne familiar and well sought after. He felt absolutely foolish needing Maverick the way that he did, especially over something so trivial. However, his brain couldn’t distinguish between the then and now and he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I’m here,” Maverick whispered as he held Ice closer. “I’m not mad. I’m not going anywhere. I love you so much. Everything is going to be alright, I promise.”
Ice heard the words that Maverick was saying, believed him even, but he couldn’t fully relax. He felt like no matter how hard he tried to overcome things, he just couldn’t seem to make it over that hill. He had done certain things most of his life, and now trying to do them another way proved just how rigid to change he really was. He believed every word that came out of Maverick’s mouth, but when he thought of all the ways that he could continue to mess up, it overwhelmed him more than he could ever say. This wasn’t the reaction that he had been hoping to have, yet when he thought about it, it was really expected.
The two stayed where they were until Maverick’s hand wove through Ice’s hair and rested on the back of his neck. “Why don’t you sit down at the table and I’ll bring you dinner? I know you have to be starving.”
“I ate lunch,” Ice protested between sniffles.
Maverick sighed. “An apple doesn’t count as a whole lunch, my love. We don’t want you getting any skinnier.” Maverick reached down and poked at Ice’s stomach, earning a small huff of laughter. Ice still was explicitly upset, that much Maverick could tell, but at least he wasn’t outright sobbing and shaking anymore.
When Ice finally lifted his head and used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his eyes, Maverick led him forward over to the dining room table. Ice plopped down in his regular seat and set both hands on the table as he tried to calm himself down enough so that he was no longer crying. That was easier said than done as the pressures from earlier continued to bubble up, seeming to take everything he knew and leaving a broke man behind in its wake. It was something he loathed to describe, even when Maverick asked him what he feeling. Sometimes he would try, but would always end up feeling inferior.
He didn’t have to wait long for Maverick to bring over a generous portion of dinner as well as a glass of water. Ice swallowed hard and twisted his head to eye Maverick hesitantly, tears collecting on the ends of his eyelashes.
“Only eat what you can,” Maverick interrupted softly before it could trigger another panic attack. “Only until you’re full. I just want you to have options, alright?”
Ice swallowed hard and looked down at his plate. Noodles were pushed to one side, as well as stir fry vegetables and rice with some chicken drizzled over. It was all normal things that he would love to eat normally. He could hear the rumbling of his stomach as he lifted his fork and swirled noodles around the prongs. He lifted the fork to his mouth and took a tentative bite. The flavor exploded through his tongue and he smiled timidly as he looked over to Maverick.
Maverick matched him with a smile of his own as he took a bite and let out a content sigh as he swallowed.
The two fell into silence as they ate with Ice managing about half before he feared that the next bite would cause his stomach to revolt. He pushed the plate forward and was pleased when Maverick took it from him and quickly polished off what remained. It was a gesture that Ice hadn’t realized meant so much to him until he realized that not having to see the food that he ‘wasted’ helped his guilt with stopping when he was actually full.
“That was delicious,” Maverick announced as he set his fork down on Ice’s plate with a soft clatter. “Do you want anything else? Water? Wine?”
Ice shook his head. “Just you.”
Maverick’s gaze brightened as he pushed his chair back and stood, coming over to Ice’s side and extending his hand. Ice took it before looking back at the dishes left on the table.
“I’ll clean them up later, I promise.”
“But, we—“
“It won’t kill us if the dishes aren’t done immediately. Do you trust me?”
There were no words that Ice could utter that would describe just how much he trusted the dark haired pilot. Instead, he took his hand and stood with him. The two headed back into the living room with Maverick sitting down on his normal end and pulling Ice with him. Ice flopped down with Maverick holding him close, a soft kiss pressed to the crown of his head. He felt how rigid Ice’s muscles were and didn’t hesitate to begin to massage as he whispered sweet things in his ears.
“Mav?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Why did they hate me? What did I do wrong?”
Maverick’s heart shattered in a million tiny pieces. The softness in which Ice spoke combined with the words were enough for Maverick to wish he could take the pain of what had happened to Ice from him. He wanted to beat up his parents for what they had subjected Ice to that he thought there was something wrong with himself to receive the treatment he did. Nothing Maverick said would be able to take any of that back, and he had to stop himself from letting his anger with Ice’s parents ebb into his voice.
“You did absolutely nothing wrong,” Maverick assured as he kissed Ice behind his left ear. “They were broken and thought having a child would fix all their problems. That is on them, not you. Those motherfuckers deserve to suffer for what they put you through. It was wrong and the only person that should have to suffer from it is them.”
Ice still appeared unsure even if he trusted what Maverick was saying. There was something about being told something for your entire life and conditioned to believe it that now any affection of the kind seemed too good to be true. He felt like he was constantly waiting for Maverick to wake up and realize what kind of person Ice was and reject him. The very thought of that was devastating to say the least.
Maverick could see Ice still wavering, teetering on the edge of subconscious awareness. The fact that he had managed to coax Ice into eating anything was a miracle in and of itself and now it seemed like things were catching up with them.
Stifling a sigh, Maverick wrapped his arms around Ice’s shoulders and pulled him forward until they were both laying on the couch with Ice on top of him. He felt the comfort of his weight as his eyes slid closed, drinking in the scent of Ice without thought. It was all primal need, electrifying when he needed it the most. He continued to thread his fingers through Ice’s hair, tracing the back of his skull. He knew every indentation, ever valley and every arch. He had memorized everything about Ice; how could he not?
“Maverick,” Ice croaked.
“Yes, love,” Maverick whispered back.
“I don’t know where I’d be without you.”
Maverick smiled despite that Ice couldn’t see him. “You’d be just fine. Me on the other hand would’ve been arrested or heartbroken by now.”
Ice shook his head and held on even tighter to Maverick for dear life, tears forced between his squeezed shut eyes. “Please never leave me.”
“You know I can’t promise that, sweetheart.” Maverick gave him another tight squeeze. “But I can promise that for as long as I’m on this earth I’ll be by your side. I’ll fight for you, and protect you. There’s nothing that we can’t conquer when we’re together. Do you believe that?”
Ice nodded.
“I need to hear words, honey.”
“I believe you.”
Maverick relaxed against him. Sometimes he needed Ice to hear the words he spoke for them to really sink in. It may have been overkill, sure, but it worked for them and that was how Maverick wanted things to stay.
It didn’t take long for the stress of earlier to finally take its toll and Ice drifted off into a light sleep. Maverick didn’t dare do the same, wanting to stay awake incase those terrors followed Ice into slumber as they often did. No, he was comfortable like this, watching and waiting in case he had to save his husband from his own mind once again. It was something that would always be there he feared, though if that’s what it took to have his husband beside him, Maverick would fight a hundred battles for him.
Feeling at ease for the first time, Maverick listened to the sound of Ice’s heartbeat matching his own, and vowed to do everything he could to show Ice the love and affection that he never had before.