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i'll keep a leftover light burning so you can keep looking up (i am yours)

Summary:

“Here, I want to show you something,” the Doctor says, scooting closer. “To your left, do you see that constellation?”

He points up and Donna levels him a glare. “Yes, I can pick out a constellation I've probably never seen before with my bare eyes. I'm just that talented.”

The Doctor finds Donna stargazing on a Tuesday evening and tells her what the stars meant to him in her absence.

Notes:

why don't you listen to star by mitski and think about it as the doctor & donna. him. how about you listen to it and SOB and think about the two of them

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Donna was sitting on the porch of her house, her neck craned up at the stars. Rose had fallen asleep, and her head lay on Donna's lap. Donna would look down occasionally and gently place a hand on Rose's shoulder, just to reassure herself that she was there. Her beautiful daughter. It was hard to believe she was already 15. Fifteen years of skinned knees, fifteen years of crayon drawings tacked to the walls of the various cubicles Donna had occupied, fifteen years of wondering if she was screwing everything up. But Rose would laugh and roll her eyes and Donna’s heart would hiccup. Yeah, she was doing alright.

 

“Knock knock,” comes a sing-song whisper from behind her. Donna turns her head over her right shoulder, and leaning against the doorway is the Doctor, holding two mismatched mugs. “I was going to ask you to get the door, but you look occupied.”

 

“Sorry,” Donna laughs, “She fell asleep hours ago. Here, hand me one of the mugs and go back and close the slider. I don’t want any moths getting in.” She reaches out and the Doctor presses a warm misshapen mug into her hands. It was one of Rose’s, she’s pretty sure. Back when pottery was her thing.  “Oh, you made hot chocolate!” She blows on it and watches him go back and close her sliding door.

 

“I found this recipe to make it from scratch, instead of with the powder,” he says, sitting down next to her on the picnic blanket. “Rose had mentioned Wilf making it for her, when she was little, and had wanted to try it.” He looks at Rose fast asleep, and snorts. “I see how that worked out.”

 

“You should drink it,” she nudges, sipping on it slowly. “You always look so cold. Like the wind blows right through you.”

 

“I don’t get cold,” he says, rolling his eyes. Despite his complaints, he takes a sip, humming under his breath. “Ooh, that’s good.”

 

“It always tastes better when you do it from scratch,” Donna responds, gently scratching Rose’s head. “Grand-dad would always put in vanilla extract when he made it.”

 

“I’ll have to try that next time.” He looks up at the stars, eyes tracking across the sky. “How’s the stargazing going?” 

 

“Good. Just trying to remember Grand-dad’s favorites. And Shaun’s.” She’s silent for a moment, and then turns to the Doctor with a smile. “You know, when Shaun and I first started dating, when he first met Grand-dad, the two of them spent hours in the backyard of Mum’s place looking through his old telescope. And at first I was like, that’s awful sweet, that he’s enduring Grand-dad’s obsession with the stars just ‘cause we’re dating. It made me like him a little more, one of those ‘green flags’, like Rose would say. Because you know, my family’s everything to me. And then we go on a few more dates, and I find out that no, he did really just like the stars and stargazing and all that junk. And he was so excited that someone shared his interest in that great big ol’ sky. It made Grand-dad so happy, to have someone who understood why he loved it so much. He was over the moon! Both of them were. And you know, I think that’s what really made me fall for Shaun. He just loves everything so much. And plus, you know, he’s got a level head on his shoulders, and God knows I need that.” Donna finishes with a big breath, and beams at the Doctor. “He always blabbers on about how he’s so lucky because he has the two of us, but really, Rose and I are so lucky to have him.” 

 

The Doctor smiles back and tilts his head to the side. “I crashed your wedding, you know.”

 

“You did not,” she gasps, her eyebrows raised. “I would have remembered seeing a long streak like you lanking about my wedding.”

 

“I did,” he insists, taking another swig of his mug. “I stood on the edges and watched your wedding. I brooded , Donna.”

 

She laughs, loudly, and playfully shakes her head. “Oh, I can imagine it now. Did your trench-coat billow in the wind?”

 

He snorts. “You know, I haven’t seen it in a while. I wonder where it is. I think River either torched it or stole it. One of those two.” 

 

At that, she raises an eyebrow. “River? As in Professor River Song? Or have you made it a habit of meeting women named after bodies of water?”

 

He presses his lips together, and looks at the ground. “Yeah, River Song.”

 

“You finally figured out what she meant to you?” Donna gently asks.

 

“Yeah.” He’s silent for a moment, and Donna reaches over to gently rub his shoulder. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, her thumb wrinkling the fabric of his shirt.

 

“We never met on the same timeline,” he begins, his voice shaky. “That was why she kept the journal- do you remember her little blue book?” Donna squints, stirring up the memories of the library.

 

“Give me a second. That was always hazy, even before the metacrisis and when it was recent. Two lives swimming around in here,” she gestures at her head. “The addition of the whole metacrisis situation definitely didn’t help.” The Doctor grimaces, and she waves him off dismissively. “Don’t you start. Yeah, I can kind of picture it. Blue, small. Looked sort of like the TARDIS?”

 

“Yeah, that’s the one. I was so curious to see what was in there, but as she said - it was so many spoilers.” The last word is bittersweet on the Doctor’s tongue, but a small smile spreads across his face. “It was our way of tracking where the other was in their own personal timeline.”

 

“Who was she, Doctor?” Donna presses, still rubbing his shoulder.

 

“My wife.”

 

The words hang in the cool night air, as Donna processes them. She had been exposed to the weirdest of weird with the Doctor- from giant wasps with Agatha Christie to whatever the hell the Toymaker dealt with- but this one was a little too much. The thought of falling in love with someone but knowing that their death was fixed? She looks over her shoulder at Shaun bumbling around their kitchen, cleaning up, and her heart pangs. 

 

“But, who knows?” The Doctor says, shrugging. “I could still meet her. Maybe the other Doctor will meet her. She’s very unpredictable. She’s always thwarting the universe at every turn. I loved that about her.”

 

There’s a fond smile on the Doctor’s face, and Donna decides to leave it at that. 

 

“Here, I want to show you something,” the Doctor says, scooting closer. “To your left, do you see that constellation?”

 

He points up and Donna levels him a glare. “Yes, I can pick out a constellation I've probably never seen before with my bare eyes. I'm just that talented.”

 

The Doctor grimaces, tilting his head in agreement. “Yeah, bad move on my part.” As Donna nods, he pulls his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket and points it up. He traces some pattern unrecognizable  to Donna's eyes, creating that odd glass that he had created that awful-wonderful night with the Meep and the Wrarth Warriors. He hands her the shimmering piece of glass, and she tilts it in her hand, watching as the starlight reflects off of it. A strange collection of shining lights.

 

“You know, I hate your new sonic,” Donna complains as she regards the strange glass. “It makes absolutely no sense.”

 

“Yeah, it doesn’t. Anyways, that,” he emphasizes by tapping the glass. “Is the Senhora Constellation.”

 

“That’s not one of our constellations,” she responds. “Shaun and Grand-dad have never mentioned it.”

 

“It was quote on quote made around fifteen years ago,” he continues, “By the Third Bishop of the High Federation of Shallacatop. They somehow tracked me down to invite me to the ceremony where they declared it. I was the guest of honor. Horribly uncomfortable. So many salutes. I hated salutes.”

“And why were you the guest of honor? No, wait, let me guess,” she snorts, “You saved their planet or whatever and they managed to pin you down long enough to celebrate your awesomeness.” She puts a mocking emphasis on the last word, rolling her eyes. There was a fond tint to her voice, as there often was when she reminisced on their adventures with the first time the Doctor had had this face. “I’m surprised they were able to catch you. Well, you could be a bit vain at times. Could have happened.”

 

“No, I was the guest of honor because they were making a constellation in honor of my best friend.” The Doctor murmurs as his fingers trace the glass. “It was a beautiful ceremony, but I couldn’t enjoy a minute because I was fighting off tears the whole time. Because I couldn’t stop thinking about how much she would have loved it all. How she would have never let it go that she got a constellation and I didn’t. How there was a whole planet singing her praises to the great open unyielding maw of space and time, and millions and millions of light years away, she had no clue what she had done for this planet. For all the planets she saved. How the light of these stars would be reflected in her eyes long after those stars were all burned out, but she would never know the stars were shining for her.”

 

“Doctor,” Donna begins, her voice uneasy, “Just who is this constellation made for?”

 

“You.” he says softly. Donna brings a hand to her mouth, and takes a deep shaky breath. “It’s tradition for the High Federation to make constellations for their heroes. Like your ancient Greeks. And who was more of a hero to them than the woman who put their planet back in its place in the Backward Galaxy, and who saved them from the Daleks?”

 

Donna chokes back a sob, and the Doctor intertwines his fingers with hers. “Hold on,” she says, putting her mug down to swipe away a tear. “Why'd they make it here, if they're all the way in… what’d you say?”

 

“The Backward Galaxy,” he offers.

 

“Yeah, that. Why'd they make it here above Earth, in the Milky Way?”

 

“Because I asked,” he continues. “So your Grand-dad could see it. Every night. And-” he squeezes her hand. “So the light could reach you. So I could know, even if you didn't, that the light of how much I loved you could brush across your skin.”

 

Donna sniffles, the tears falling freely. The Doctor lifts his hand not holding hers, and wipes tears off of her cheek. “You're awful,” she mutters, half-heartedly glaring at him. “It's a random Tuesday evening, and you've got me crying.”

 

“Sorry,” he offers, leaning forward and kissing her cheek. She smiles at him, and then reaches up to pinch his cheek. “Ow- Donna!” he whines, trying to pull away. She glares at him, and then pats his cheek with her palm.

 

“I missed you too,” she admits. “There was this great big gaping hole in my heart and I could never place why. And the ache got better, with time, because life kept going. Distractions of sorts.” She looks down at Rose, and smiles softly. The Doctor is reminded of the feeling of small hands against his cheeks, of the sound of children's laughter, and of the sight of a baby crying until they turned red. He heaves a sigh, and tucks that hurt away for another starlit night.

 

“You’re raising a wonderful daughter,” he says, taking a long sip of his hot chocolate.

 

“I know.” she responds. “My beautiful, beautiful Rose.” As if she could tell the two of them were talking about her, Rose blearily opens her eyes and glares up at her mother. “Hello darling.”

 

“When’d the Doctor get here?” Rose sleepily asks, sitting up slightly.

 

“A bit ago. We were just having a chinwag. And you, missy, need to go to bed. It’s a school night.” Donna needles, pulling her daughter up more. Rose opens her mouth, and Donna levels Rose one of her glares. “I don’t want to hear it, you were so cranky last week when you and the Doctor spent all night gallivanting around on Mars and you didn’t get any sleep. And before you say it, no, I wouldn’t have let you skip school just because you decided to make snow angels on Mars or whatever you and the Doctor decided to do.” 

 

The Doctor snorts, and Donna whips around to glare at him. “Don’t you laugh. I’m still pissed at you for taking my daughter on that joyride of yours.”

 

“It was the smallest trip I’ve ever done,” the Doctor defends, raising her arms. “We didn’t run into one single problem at all. In fact, the only danger we were in was being bored.”

 

“You have the weirdest priorities,” Rose grumbles, sitting up all the way. “I mean, it’s so ridiculous to hear your uncle complaining that you might get bored on Mars.” She swats at her curls, trying to tame the frizz of her hair that had happened while she was asleep.

 

“Uncles are supposed to be weird,” the Doctor declares, looking self-satisfied. “I’m just doing my job. I had an uncle that liked pears . Can you believe it? What sort of a self-respecting Time-Lord likes pears ?”

 

Rose gives him a near-perfect copy of her mother’s glare, and stands up. “You’re looney, Doctor.”

 

He laughs, and pats her shoulder. “I know. Now, you need to listen to your mother and get to bed alright?”

 

She nods, and stands up. “Goodnight Mum. Goodnight Doctor.” 

 

“Goodnight darling. I love you.” Donna calls after Rose as she shuffles off.

 

“I love you too Mum.” The two adults watch Rose go inside, and then turn back to each other. 

 

“I still can’t believe you took her to Mars on a school night,” Donna says.

 

“Donna, there were auroras on Mars that night.” the Doctor retorts, crossing his arms. “One night of missed sleep would be worth seeing Martian auroras. I do it all the time!”

 

Donna eyebrows fly up in affront, and her lips purse. “So little words just came out of your mouth and yet all of them annoyed me. First off, you have a time machine. You could take her on a Saturday or someday she doesn’t have school. Second, you are not remotely a good marker for a good sleep schedule. You know, the first week I knew you, I was convinced you didn’t sleep. That maybe you didn’t need to, ‘cause you were all weird and alien. But then I saw those giant dark circles under your eyes, and then realized you were just weird .” 

 

The Doctor opens his mouth and then closes it. “Yeah.. I really can’t argue with that.”

 

“No, you can’t.”

 

The two of them look at each other, and then burst into a round of side aching giggles. Donna slumps against the Doctor, her head in his lap. She looks up at him, and smiles. “I’m so happy you came back. I didn’t know how much I missed you. Literally. I needed you like I need Rose, like I need Shaun, like I need Mum and Grand-dad. Every time I look up at your stupid face, I just…” she sighs, and turns her head to the side. “I don't know. It just soothes this old hurt that I've forgotten I even had.”

 

The Doctor smooths her hair out of her face. “I love you too Donna.”

 

She smiles up at him, and looks back up to the sky. “Do you see Venus? When we first started traveling, you told me you were going to take me to see the very first explosion of the very first volcano there. Do you remember where we ended up instead?”

 

The Doctor purses his lips. “Er…”

 

“I can't even remember!” Donna laughs. "We ended up somewhere completely wrong and completely awful and I can't even remember. Because all of our ridiculous adventures ended in us running around. I wouldn't trade it for the world, mind you. I wouldn't trade you for anything.”

 

The Doctor leans down to brush a kiss against Donna’s forehead. Footsteps sound against the stone of the patio. Donna sits up and the Doctor turns around to see Shaun walking towards the two of them. 

 

“Hello gorgeous,” Donna says, standing up to meet him. Shaun places his hands on her hips and pulls her in for a kiss. 

 

“What are the two of you doing out here?” Shaun asks, Donna settling into his side, his arm wrapping around her. 

 

“Stargazing and chatting,” Donna responds, leaning her head against Shaun’s shoulder. “Did Rose go to bed? I sent her in a bit ago.”

 

“She did, yeah.” Shaun nods, and then looks up at the sky. “It’s so clear tonight. You can see Venus.”

 

“Yeah, I just was pointing it out to Spaceman over there,” Donna says, pointing her head in the direction of the Doctor, who waves at Shaun.

 

“Have you ever visited Venus?” Shaun asks. “Seems like the sort of place you wander around on.”

 

The Doctor sits in thought for a moment, rifling through his lifetimes of traveling. “A few times. Got sunburnt there once. I got captured by a hunting party another time. I think they just didn’t like how bright my coat was. Though, honestly, it was better than that time I wore a stalk of celery on my left lapel.”

 

Donna pulls a disgusted face, and Shaun laughs slightly. “Just when I think nothing you say can phase me anymore, you say something awful like that.” Donna complains. The Doctor only shrugs, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

 

“Oh, lay off him,” Shaun needles. “We all know that he makes bad decisions.”

 

“I don't know if I should thank you or be offended,” the Doctor mutters, and Donna snorts. 

 

“Here, scoot over,” Shaun nudges the Doctor as he sits on the picnic blanket on the grass. “I’m going to point out my favorite constellations and you’re going to tell me your funny little stories about them.”

 

The Doctor shifts to the left, and Donna sits to his right, Shaun to her right. “Where’d we leave off last time?” 

 

“Centaurus, I think,” Donna says, wrapping her arms around both of the men. “You two were arguing about different mythology, and then got mad at me for the story I remembered.”

 

“It’s because you remembered it so poorly,” Shaun says, shaking his head. “Really? Dinosaurs ?”

 

“Really, Donna. It has centaur in the name.” The Doctor adds, his eyebrows knitted together in annoyed amusement.

 

“Oi! My boys do not get to team up against me,” Donna complains, pulling the two of them closer. The phrasing pangs an old ache in the Doctor’s chest, and he lays his head on Donna’s shoulder. 

 

“Well if you two are so smart, tell me about your centaurs without fighting about the logistics of centaurs and who created them.” Donna rolls her eyes, looking up at the stars, and the Doctor lifts his head to admire the way the pinpricks of light are reflected in her eyes. 

 

“I just don’t believe the Doctor that centaurs were real ,” Shaun insists, looking over at the Doctor with a disapproving glare. 

 

“He has a box that is bigger on the inside and can go literally anywhere in time and space, and you’re hung up on centaurs,” Donna retorts, glaring at her husband. 

 

“I have a line,” Shaun firmly says, and the Doctor tries to hide his snort. “He may have shown me the Eiffel Tower when it was being built and the moons of Jupiter, but I am drawing the line at centaurs.”

 

“I’ll show you centaurs,” the Doctor interjects, leaning over Donna. “We’ll go over to mine and get in the TARDIS and I’ll introduce you to a lovely bunch of centaurs.”

 

“No, because knowing you, the centaurs are going to challenge me to combat or something, and I am not about to deal with that on my day off.” Shaun rejects, and the Doctor pretends to pout at him. “Oh, don’t give me that look.”

 

“I’ll bring you a centaur,” the Doctor tries again, and Donna lightly shoves him. “Donna!”

 

“Just shut up and keep telling us that story about the centaurs of Woman Wept.” she says, shaking her head. “You are so ridiculous.”

 

“But you love me,” the Doctor adds, a self satisfied grin on his face. 

 

“Unfortunately.” she replies, the look on her face suggesting the feeling was anything but.

 

“I’ll take it,” the Doctor laughs, and leans back. “So, the centaurs of Woman Wept are a bit different than others….”



The golden sunlight seeps through the Doctor’s eyelids, and he cracks his eyes open to see Rose standing over him. “Did you three seriously fall asleep out here?” Rose asks, her face screwed up in amusement, her backpack slung over her shoulder. 

 

The Doctor looks to his right, and Rose is right. Donna’s head was on his shoulder, and the rest of his right arm was curled around her. Shaun was similarly tangled around Donna, laying on his stomach, his right arm draped over Donna. The Doctor smiles, and pulls Donna in tighter. “I guess we did,” he responds, grinning up at Rose.

 

“You better wake Mum up soon,” Rose comments, pulling out her phone and showing him the time. "She has work."

 

“Nah, it's still early morning,” the Doctor says, leaning his head against Donna’s. “Let her sleep a little longer.”

 

“It’s your funeral.” Rose rolls her eyes, and puts her phone away. “Can you at least wake up Dad so I can get to school?”

 

“How about we let your parents sleep, and I take you to school in the TARDIS?” he offers, and Rose’s eyes twinkle. 

 

“Isn’t the TARDIS at your place?” she asks, feet shifting in excitement.

 

“Yeah, but I live across the street. If your mum and I can walk across all of Death’s Deal, you can cross the street.”

 

“Will Mum and Dad be cross?”

 

“If they find out.”

 

Rose purses her lips together. “Will we get lost?”

 

The Doctor begins to wiggle out of how he was lying down, slowly as not to wake up Donna and Shaun. “Probably not. She’s been good lately. We haven’t gotten lost since the coffee incident. Well, and when I tried to go to the aquarium and ended up actually in the ocean. But it worked out, because your dad and I got to see the sharks up close. Probably a little too close for his liking, but it was still nice and safe. It wasn’t even the first time I’ve had a shark in the TARDIS. Probably won’t be the last.”

 

“Reassuring,” Rose says drily as the Doctor finally stands up, brushing his pants off.

 

“C’mon, we’ll be fine,” he replies, slinging an arm around his niece. 

 

“If we get in trouble, I’m blaming you,” she tells him, casting a nervous look over her shoulder at her still sleeping parents.

 

“You know full well your mum will ground us both,” the Doctor retorts.

 

“Ugh, she will.”



Donna Noble awakes to the familiar sound of the TARDIS leaving ringing in her ears, and blearily sits up to see the Doctor’s absence to her left. “Where’s that idiot off to?” she mumbles, looking over at Shaun. 

 

Shaun blinks his eyes open, and sleepily shrugs. “Who knows?” he responds. “He wanders like a stray cat.”

 

“Mm. You’re right,” she hums, and then lays back down. 

 

“Oh, bloody hell,” Shaun bolts, pushing himself up on his forearms. “I’ve got to drive Rose to school.”

 

“No need,” Donna says, an annoyed twinge to her tone as she reads a text off her phone. “Apparently the Doctor has taken her to school.” 

 

“Did they use the TARDIS?” Shaun asks, slumping back down onto the blanket. 

 

“Rose didn’t say, so I’m assuming that’s code for ‘We definitely took the TARDIS and are trying to get away with it.’” Donna uses air quotes for the last bit, rolling her eyes and putting the phone down.

 

“Is that an ‘I’m cross’ tone, or ‘I’m cross but it’s funny and I’ll let them get away with it’ tone?”

 

“Yet to be decided,” Donna yawns, stretching her arms above her back, wincing at the pops of her joints. “Ugh, we are far too old to be falling asleep on the ground like this,” she complains as she stands up. “Alright, I’m going to go get ready for work. Do you want me to pick up takeout on my way home?”

 

Shaun shrugs. “Text Rose, see what she wants. Oh, and check if the Doctor’s planning to come.”

 

“Will do.” She stoops down to press a kiss to Shaun’s forehead. “I love you, darling.”

 

“Love you too.” he replies, stretching out and settling back down on the blanket.



Once Donna’s ready for the work day, she slides into her car, and dials the Doctor’s personal phone she had forced him to get. He was spending more and more time out of the TARDIS, and sometimes she needed to be able to contact him. She waits for him to pick up, checking her makeup in the mirror.

 

“Hel lo Donna Noble,” the Doctor greets cheerfully, his voice sounding grainy through the speakers of her car. 

 

“Did you take Rose to school in the TARDIS?” She bluntly asks, buckling her seatbelt.

 

“Er…maybe?” he responds, his tone shifting to one of guilt.

 

“Did you run into any trouble?” she presses.

 

“None whatsoever!” He says, clearly proud of himself. “From point A to point B without a single bump or issue. We even had tea in the TARDIS. No explosions or silly business.”

 

She hums, thinking to herself. “Alright, the two of you aren’t in trouble.” There’s a quiet cheer from the other side of the line, and Donna rolls her eyes. “Are you coming to dinner tonight?”

 

“Depends. What’s for dinner?” There’s a few faint crashes and Donna decides for her sanity to ignore them.

 

“Shaun and I were talking about getting takeout.”

 

“Ooh, can we get takeout from that Chinese place downtown? I love their chow mein.”

 

“Sure, why not. I’ll see you at eighteen hundred, alright? You better not be late or else Rose won’t let you live it down. Time Lord that’s late. She’ll have a right laugh at that.”

 

“Alright,” the Doctor laughs. “I’ll see you then.” Another crash sounds and the Doctor curses under his breath. 

 

“Don’t get into too much trouble today, I can hear that crashing,” Donna chides. “I’ll see you later.”

 

The Doctor laughs again. “Don’t worry about the crashing, I’m just tinkering in the TARDIS.”

 

“I mean it.” she warns. “You’re coming to dinner in one piece, alright? You’re really the only one who eats the chow mein. Well, Shaun might.”

 

“I will, I will. Promise. In one, unscorched piece.”

 

“Unscorched is asking a little too much and I recognise that,” Donna grumbles, and turns into the UNIT parking garage. “Alright, I’m at work. I’ll see you at dinner. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, Donna,” The Doctor responds. “With all of the stars in the sky.”

Notes:

hiiiii they're my everything btw. donna is living my dream life (romantic partner platonic partner daughter) and i hate her for it ( no i dont) some lore i blatantly made up but some is references to random episodes and big finish audios. if you havent listened to any big finish audios i would HIGHLY recommend checking them out they are so cool! this fic is a labour of love and im so glad im starting off my year by writing dw fanfiction