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"I've told you this was a stupid idea" Kaveh's eyebrows shot high as he looked at the miserable sight before him that was Alhaitham. It usually was quite the opposite, with Kaveh laying on the divan or just moping around, either sore or drunk, and Alhaitham observing him for a while before interfering to regain some form of peace in the house. Right now it was the scribe sitting by the table, or more leaning on it, his wings ruffled and each jutting into its own direction without much sense. So much for the great, composed scholar. Kaveh sighed deeply, rolling his eyes.
"Are you even listening to me?" he asked. Well, he wasn't even sure if the other was awake, but he could guess by the quiet groans and shuffling.
"Yes" came the answer, muffled by his hands as he raised himself onto his elbows. If he thought that Kaveh didn't hear the small yelp, he was severely mistaken.
"Mhm, right" the architect knew very well that he chose to ignore him completely. After all those years he really could tell if Alhaitham was actually listening and when he decided to use him just a background noise. "Then what I said a second ago?"
"You were complaining" came the answer. How eloquent.
"This is a vast topic, can you maybe elaborate a little more?" according to Alhaitham, half of what Kaveh was doing was complaining. So he had quite a big chance to guess that even without listening.
"About me" Kaveh shot him an unimpressed gaze.
"This, once again, is a vast topic. Specify"
"You said I'm stupid" Kaveh nearly snorted at that. Fair enough. Alhaitham was indeed sometimes stupid.
"No, I said it was a stupid idea, not that you're stupid. But if you insist, yes, you are stupid" he sighed, before grimacing for a second. "I feel miserable even by just looking at you"
The problem was quite simple. Alhaitham was trying to learn how to fly. After the unfortunate incident a week ago and their first flight, the scribe seemed almost obsessed with that. Maybe that's what seeing your roommate falling off a cliff does to a person, who knows. But still, he was overworking himself with that. Kaveh knew that Alhaitham was quick to build muscle, but at this point he deemed him stupidly lucky that he didn't pull anything. With the amount of tries and the time he spent in the air, for the first time mind you, this was bound to happen. Just the same as Kaveh would go on a weekly drawing spree and end with his wrist hurting so badly he couldn't even move them. And he was doing it for years. Alhaitham was new to flying.
Kaveh didn't want to even imagine what would happen if they really had to develop the muscles that were necessary for flight. Wings came with them and for that the architect was beyond grateful. Because then instead of Alhaitham being just sore, they would have to go to Bimarstan.
Still spending many hours a day in the air was quite an idiocy that he wouldn't expect from someone so intelligent.
"Can you just leave me alone for once?" Alhaitham finally looked at him from between his fingers, his orange and teal eyes narrowed in annoyance. He looked as if he was ready to murder, but the architect knew better than to be scared of him.
"No" and for the first time this day Kaveh smiled softly at Alhaitham, before tapping slightly on the table. "Go lie down, I'll bring you something in a moment"
"I don't want to lie down" Alhaitham huffed in response, before his head slumped back into its previous place, nestled in his arms. It only made Kaveh chuckle. He kind of pitied him, bu tit was still his own fault.
"Too bad, you're going to bed. And lie on your stomach, if you may" this time Kaveh tapped on one of Alhaitham's wings, causing him to wince. It took some time to finally persuade the stubborn pigeon to get off the table and go to their bedroom, but Kaveh had time. He didn't have any meetings with clients today, just some time to do housework and work on the blueprints. And if the owner of the house insisted on being part of the housework then so be it. He'll just make him later sweep the floors for that. And finally pick up all those books laying around, they didn't have a small house library for nothing, did they? Honestly, if Alhaitham won’t donate some of them to the House of Daena, he won’t have a place for them. Neither for them nor for a new bookshelf, no matter how much Kaveh would try to use his skills to plan out the floor.
After making sure that yes, Alhaitam would stay on the bed and not try to go around the house just to spite him, Kaveh went back to his old room. It almost felt like a storage and a dressing room at this point, since he only visited it to dress himself or to search for something. Racks full of his old blueprints and sketches stood proud where his bed used to be, just next to the shelves full of his mockups and old documentation. Whole room filled with wardrobes or shelves, not a sign that someone once lived here. With time all of his personal stuff migrated to his side of Alhaitham’s room… which was kind of weird if Kaveh was to think about it for a little while. Good thing that the visitors never looked at those rooms. They would probably think that he and Alhaitham were married or something equally embarrassing. Kaveh’s cheeks burned at the sheer thought of this. Alhaitham barely liked him, let’s not be hasty now!
He knew that the thing he was looking for should be somewhere around here, among his art supplies. He should most probably organise all of this, containers of watercolours and coloured pencils just laying around in a mess. It was almost as bad as Alhaitham’s books. At least they weren’t left out for the whole world to see and instead neatly tucked away in a cupboard. Though he clearly didn’t remember getting some of them. Especially not the set of those new expensive paints just chucked on top of everything. Honestly, how did they even get there? The only other person that has ever been in this room was Alhaitham, but he never touched his stuff. Not to mention that he always claimed that Kaveh had way too much supplies and never used them. Which wasn’t true, he just wasn’t always inquired to colour the sketches of the final house for the clients. He usually wasn’t even paid to do so, let alone asked, as it was deemed unnecessary cost. Bunch of fools. And he rarely could allow himself to just draw for fun, his personal sketchbook abandoned for months. He wasn’t even sure where it was at the moment, but he may had seen him last on Alhaitham’s desk. Most probably the only time he used some colours was when he tutored those kids in the village and they were doing some drawing exercises. Then Kaveh always preferred to do it in colour. Children should learn how to work with it, not to mention it was better for the learning if not everything was black and white.
Finally, after fishing out his cup full of brushes, he managed to get a hold of the thing he was looking for. His heating pads. Getting hold of heating pads in Sumeru wasn't the easiest job, so Kaveh valued the ones he managed to acquire. He actually had to order them from a merchant from Fontaine, but it was absolutely worth it for his back and wrists. After being hunched over the desk for hours with no end, working on the commissions with the most unreasonable deadlines, his carpal pains would render him unable to even flex his fingers and pain in his back would make him almost cry every time he shifted his positions. Alhaitham was always furious when that happened. Maybe that’s why he paid half of the price for heating pads. Kaveh sometimes wondered if he was the one to get Tighnari interested in his condition. Because he surely remembered a hushed talk between the forest ranger and the scribe very shortly after the first tried to rip his head clean off his shoulders for not taking care of himself properly.
Getting them to the proper temperature was a matter of time and boiling water, so Kaveh made quick work of that. In the meantime he managed to clean after their breakfast, since no one bothered to do this before with Alhaitham rendered nearly useless.
“How are you feeling?” he asked as he came back to the bedroom, looking upon the grey mess now laying on their bed. And what a miserable sight this was. Kaveh nearly wanted to laugh at it.
“The same as before” Alhaitham grumbled out. Well, at least that was something. A soft chuckle finally escaped Kaveh as he sat on the bed and ran his fingers through the grey feathers. Even as ruffled as this, they were still so soft.
“I’ll need to preen you once you get better” he commented, before slowly shifting his hands down the wings to his back. He could hear Alhaitham suck in a sharp breath. Was he really hurting this much? “Where does it hurt the most?”
“Trapezius. Although my pectorals are bad, the area below my nape hurts the worst. And deltoids of my wings” and of course he would bust out the muscle names. How did he even know anymore, their anatomy didn’t actually make sense. By all means, they should not be even possible.
“Alright, smarty-pants, whatever you say” he half huffed, half chuckled, very delicately pressing onto the described area. Alhaitham groaned and his wings shook slightly, so this had to be it. Slowly and carefully Kaveh placed the heating pad on the area, making sure it was comfortable for his roommate. “It should help a little. It usually helps me, so just lay there for a moment. If you need anything just call” Alhaitham only looked at him with wide eyes and if Kaveh didn’t know it was impossible, he could almost see him blush.
Kaveh could say that the rest of the morning was fairly peaceful. Alhaitham didn’t try to defy him, for once, so he took his time to sort through his art supplies and tidy the shelves in their joined office. They were really dusty, what the heck was Alhaitham doing to those poor books, honestly. He thought about starting on one of the commissions, the easier ones to be fair, but he finally opted against it.
“Alhaitham, I’m going to the bazaar, do you…” his words died on his tongue as he walked into the room. Alhaitham was sleeping soundly, his face almost peaceful. At least as peaceful as it could be, with a small crease between his brows from always frowning so much. Kaveh smiled to himself and couldn’t help but kiss it. Alhaitham was asleep anyway and he would let his heart ache for a moment for something he couldn’t have. For a second maybe he could pretend that this meant something, that Alhaitham didn’t hate him as much. For a second. He slowly slipped the noise cancelling headphones off his ears, he’ll be alone in the house anyway and they couldn’t be too comfortable to sleep in. After all, he always took them off to bed. Day was warm and the heating pads were still working so he opted against covering him with a blanket. So he just kissed his hair, silver locks so soft under his lips and just went out for shopping.
It was a really nice day, with sun high in the sky and cool breeze slightly ruffling his feathers. At this hour the Grand Bazaar was a lively place, even with so many people still at work. But there was never a shortage of people doing groceries, students trying to avoid their lessons or eat something between lectures, adventurers trying to either find a new commission or get ready for one… yes, the capital of Sumeru was never a quiet place, always buzzing with life. Kaveh enjoyed the vibrancy of it all, the spices on the stalls, baskets overflowing with food and stalls with different fabrics and trinkets. But even with that, he wasn't swept away by it anymore, like half of the tourists were. With the time spent in the capital, some things just become part of daily life after all, no matter how grand. He knew half of the merchants here personally and he even got discounts sometimes. Although, Alhaitham claimed those were real legitimate prices…
“Kaveh! I haven’t seen you in a while!” he barely noticed Nilou before she started waving at him cheerfully. He liked the dancer and her appreciation of beauty. He worked with the theatre a few times now, helping them with the set design for symbolic pay more than anything. Maybe he would even go as far as stating that he was more of their friend than employee but they always insisted that they should repay him in some way. Honestly, seeing their plays was enough.
"Ah, Nilou. Good to see you again" he waved back, shifting all the groceries into one hand. "How's the theatre? Any new plays coming up?"
"For now, we're preparing for the festival, so no, nothing standalone" Nilou smiled at him. Right, there was a festival held in two weeks to celebrate the rescue of their archon. He wondered if Alhaitham would still just ignore it all completely and instead choose to tease Kaveh that he wasn't one of the 'heroes'. "And how about you? Have you gotten used to them?" she gestured towards his wings.
Kaveh smiled a little at that, stretching one open. At least as open as he could get it with all those people. His wingspan was around six and a half metres in total, so it was sometimes a miracle to be able to stretch those limbs completely. They were able to do that at home, of course, because then they would have cramps for life, with them pressed along their backs.
"You could say that" he answered. "It's been two months after all" two months since they had woken up with wings and just sprinted to Gandharva Ville just to discover Cyno and Collei sporting brand new animal ears and tails. And it has been wild since then. So much has changed and on the other hand… nothing at all.
"Has it really? Time really flies" Nilou chuckled at her own joke. "About flying, have you tried it yet?" suddenly his throat became tight and his whole body tensed. Flying.
"If falling off a cliff counts as trying, then yes" even if he was telling this halfheartedly, the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Speaking about it seemed to be more difficult than just thinking. In an instant he felt as if there was no ground beneath his feet once again, he saw the teal eyes widen in horror and desperation. His wings suddenly shook, as if ready to flap again, to just keep himself in the air, not meeting the ground, just to reach to those grey feathers above him-
"Kaveh!" Nilou's voice snapped him out of this image, her hands wrapping around his own. "You're shaking…" she was right, he was shaking terribly. He felt as if his legs were made of cotton, barely keeping him upright anymore.
"Sorry, sorry” he tried to crack a smile to make it a little better, but the corners of his lips just wouldn’t want to budge. There was nothing to smile about, was there… “It just… it affected me more than I thought"
"I can only imagine" she said softly, slowly rubbing soothing circles into his hands. "Have you talked with him about it?" she asked solemnly.
"Him?" Kaveh knew of course who she meant by that. How could he not. After all, every one of their shared friends thought the two of them were close. In some way… maybe they were right.
"Alhaitham"
"No, not exactly. He was the one to catch me, you know? He was there" he remembered him calling out his name, his fingers so desperately trying to reach him. He remembered the grey feathers ruffled by the wind and the moment when the broad wings opened, so strong and majestic. And how they just… stopped falling. "He's been trying to learn how to fly better ever since. Like a fool he is" he was no fool and Kaveh knew it. He was just trying to prevent this from happening ever again. The raw panic in his eyes back then, the way he just clung to him afterwards… he took the day off the next day. Kaveh couldn’t remember when was the last time when they cuddled in the morning for so long, Alhaitham’s wings closed around them as if shielding them from the world.
"Maybe… maybe you should go home and rest. And please, talk to Alhaitham about it. It seems that you both need to work through it" Nilou suggested, sadness creeping into her eyes. He was really making her that worried, huh?
"I… I'll think about it, Nilou" Kaveh smiled weakly. "But yeah, going home sounds fine. Sorry I can't entertain you longer"
"Take care of yourself, Kaveh. It was good to see you again" Nilou hugged him, very delicately. Maybe it was good, but Kaveh lacked something in it. Maybe protection. Maybe… reassurance of being held.
"You too, dear" he returned the hug, also as careful. "Let me know if you need any help with set design, I'll be happy too"
"First rest, Kaveh. But I'll let you know" she shook her finger at him playfully at first, but the sad smile didn’t disappear from her face.
They bid their goodbyes a second later as Nilou ran of towards the rest of her theatre crew again. And Kaveh was left alone with his thoughts. Maybe people were sometimes right and he was thinking too much. But it wasn’t exactly under his control. He sighed and clutching the groceries close to his chest, he began walking home.
Sometimes he was really thankful how close to the Akademiya they actually lived. At least it didn’t take too long before he pushed his keys into the keyhole and pushed open the door.
“I’m back” Kaveh called out, tossing his keys into the bowl. He knew that they probably should have hangers for them, judging by how many times Alhaitham had mistakenly taken his keys, because they were tangled together. But sometimes he just couldn’t care more about it. Bending down to take off the shoes, he suddenly saw the two feathers falling to the floor. The two that usually securely sat among his hair. Had he really not done that correctly this morning?
Two feathers. One turquoise with a golden pattern, the one he had for years. And the second one, ash grey sparkling with silver. He had that one for almost two months now. One of Alhaitham’s feathers. He wasn’t sure why he just let him walk around with it, sitting in his hair on display. He picked it out himself, during their first preening, the most beautiful one among the loose ones. Alhaitham demanded one too in exchange. They bickered about it for a while, but eventually Kaveh gave him one of his own. Not that he needed them for anything anyway. He sometimes wondered what he had done with it. Still, Kaveh loved Alhaitham’s feathers. On the first glance they appeared dull and boring, but they couldn’t be further from it. There was silver in them, some of them either teal or deep turquoise or green, almost black. But not black, no. Kaveh wasn’t a fool, he knew colours. His feathers were black, not Alhaitham’s.
“You’re back early” a neutral voice spoke up from above him, snapping him out of his thoughts and making him jump in surprise. Alhaitham was leaning on the archway towards the living room.
“And you’re out of bed” Kaveh stated back, trying to hide his embarrassment.
“The heating pads helped a lot, thank you” Alhaitham nodded, bending down to take the groceries that Kaveh managed to already set on the floor. He didn’t wince at that, his wings opening slightly for balance, so maybe he really was fine now.
“You're welcome” Kaveh smiled weakly at that, before his smile melted as if it never even was there. “I ran into Nilou while shopping. She… she said we should probably talk” Alhaitham raised a brow in a silent question and Kaveh sighed. “About what happened last week” Alhaitham's gaze immediately became heavy, lips stretched into a thin line.
“… I have to agree. We need to talk” despite answering this way, Ahiatham just turned around and fled to the kitchen. At least this is what it looked like. He started to unpack the groceries as if this was the most normal thing to do right now. Kaveh tried to push down the nasty feeling building up in his chest. It was only a talk. To make them both feel better.
“Is this why you’re trying to learn how to fly so badly?” he asked, trying to avoid looking at him. Maybe this way it would be easier.
“Yes, that would be correct” Alhaitham responded flatly, his voice somewhat strained with something. Kaveh wasn't sure what.
“Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little?" he suggested weakly. This isn't what they should be talking about, not really. "You’re hurting yourself” Alhaitham stopped dead in his tracks. Kaveh could almost feel his stare, his sharp teal and orange eyes piercing right through his soul. He didn't like this feeling.
“Aren’t you a hypocrite? You overwork yourself every project” Alhaitham nearly snapped, voice dangerously low. It has been a long time since Kaveh last heard this voice towards himself. Since their Akademiya days in fact. Since that night.
“True, but that’s me!” it was normal for him to work till he dropped. It was fine. What else was he supposed to do with his life anyway? “It’s unlike you to work so much! So what changed?”
“What do you mean ‘what changed’?” Alhaitham’s tone became even sharper and if Kaveh didn’t know him so well, he would dare to call it hysterical. Or threatening. “Have you already forgotten what happened last week? Was this not what you wanted to talk about?”
“I… true, but…” Kaveh stuttered, as Alhaitham ripped the rightful subject from between safer topics.
“Kaveh, you have fallen off a cliff that normally would result in death” he almost hissed, underlying the last word. “If it wasn't for the stroke of luck, you would be dead" last remnants of Kaveh's self defence shattered, ugly truth crawling into the light.
"And why does this matter…?" he whispered and Alhaitham drew in a sharp breath.
“I thought I was going to lose you last week. And it broke something in me. More than I thought it would” this time Kaveh didn't like this tone. It was too close to that. Too close to breaking again.
But… Did it really scare him that much? Or did that mean something else, something that Kaveh wouldn't even dare to dream about?
“Seeing someone almost dying before your eyes might do that to someone” Kaveh took in a deep breath trying to regain his footing in this conversation. But the world was spinning around him and dark memories of the fall again came flooding back, clawing at his already tight throat. “I also thought I was going to die. I… it was scary" he shook his head as if this was going to help him shake off the feeling of dread. As if this would make him forget. "I don’t think I will recover for a while, but. I don’t want you to destroy yourself just to not fall yourself. Not that you needed to worry. You flew after all” he regretted looking up. Alhaitham looked at him with sheer indignation, eyes wide. As if he just said the most stupid and outrageous thing in the world.
“Kaveh. What nonsense are you spurting out again? I am not worried I will fall. I just…” his voice broke mid sentence and his fists clenched. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to see you fall and not be able to do anything!” Alhatiham shouted, sounding like a wounded animal. So different from what he usually sounded like. From what he was like. As if… as if he was pleading. “I can’t lose you, Kaveh. Not again, not like that! Hate me all you want, but I don’t want to hold your dead body in my arms! I will not lose another person I love, not if I can do something about it!”
It all felt like a fever dream. Was this really happening or was this some sick product of his twisted imagination? Kaveh heard his voice like through water, their echo scrambling around his brain as if trying to put itself into some more coherent and rational version. Something that made sense in any way. He felt small and weak, as if suddenly the world decided that he was its prey. Was this even real?
“... person you love?” he mumbled involuntarily, gaze unfocused and yet trapped by those teal and orange kaleidoscopic eyes. Alhaitham looked pained, desparte. Almost like that day. As if once again Kaveh was falling and Alhaitham was trying to catch him. Tears gathered in his eyes, threatening to overspill.
“Yes, Kaveh. I love you. I love you. I love you!” Alhaitham repeated three times, each more frantic than the previous. They say that earnest things should be said thrice, right? Kaveh felt as if he was about to faint. “From the moment we first met, I have always loved you. You have bewitched me, my body and soul” his voice again hitched as this time his hand curled above his heart, fingers digging into the fabric. “And I do not care what you think of me, if I’m just your friend or if you still resent me. I will not see you die. If this means I have to break my own bones to keep you safe, I’ll break every single one. I have already lost so much. I refuse to part with anyone else”
All of Kaveh's thoughts came to a halt as tears streamed down his face. As he looked at the desperate and broken gaze of his roommate, the one that he loved for years. All those days… all those gestures, all that care. It was simply that. Love. Alhaitham loved him. He didn't know if he deserved that love. He was a husk of a man, the one that lost everything and never picked himself up again, but… Alhaitham picked him up instead. After they broke their relationship, broke it into pieces into something they thought were beyond mending, they still loved each other. And just like that one night, when all seemed to be at its worst, Alhaitham picked the first piece of Kaveh and handed it back to him. And day by day, domestic life, the bickering, the care glued them back together.
And only now Kaveh realised how much love they waved into all of those mundane aspects of life. The right amount of sugar in the morning coffee. The glass of water left on the nightstand after night out drinking. The tea on the desk after a long day of work. The comfortable silence during exhaustion.
They way they preened each other, held each other, cooked for each other.
And just like that Kaveh smiled, tears still falling down his cheeks and gathering on his chin. He held out his hands only to cup Alhaitham's face in them.
“... I love you too” he whispered, not being able to speak any louder now. Not that he needed to. Alhaitham heard it, tears gathering in his eyes as well.
“What?” he sounded so small, so unlike a second ago. With all those big words and declarations, now so scared and broken. And yet there was something akin to hope behind all of this too.
“I love you too, Alhaitham” he repeated again. Three times. They say that earnest things should be said thrice, don't they? “I love you dearly” his thumb stoked Alhaitham's cheek as the first tear trickled down its path. In a moment of silence they stared at each other, unmoving and quiet as suddenly Alhaitham moved forward, capturing Kaveh in his arms. Grey wings closed around them, the same as the warm embrace trapped the architect in itself. And Kaveh leaned into it, into the warmth, the softness, the security. He laughed and cried, throwing his hands around Alhaitham's back, clutching his shirt as if trying to become one with him, to capture everything he had to give.
Neither of them knew how long they stayed like that nor did they actually care about that. All that mattered were each other. But finally they let go of each other, clothes stained with their tears and eyes red.
“We really are idiots, aren't we?” Kaveh huffed out a laugh, pressing their foreheads together.
“Only sometimes” Alhaitham huffed, but still smiled nonetheless. “Come on, we need to get changed. And we should probably start the dinner”
“So unromantic” Kaveh pouted playfully and Alhaitham was about to open his mouth to say something deeply logical, when he kissed him on the cheek. It successfully shut up the scribe, or maybe he entirely shut down, his cheeks darkening with blush. Kaveh only giggled at that and kissed him again, before running off to change his shirt. Alhaitham will probably have his revenge soon, but that’s what he gets for ruining the heartfelt moment.
He was first to make it into the kitchen, so he started on dinner anyway. They both might have been tired and could as well order take-out, but he was in the mood for something home-made. Something that is theirs. There was a receipt of the Sabz meat stew among the others they collected over the years, very special to Alhaitham. Written by his grandmother in fact. Kaveh wasn’t opposed to it either, as it didn’t contain as much spice as some of the sumerian dishes could. Maybe he could chop some fruits too as a side dish. He bought some nice sunsettias and henna berries today and he should also have some peaches and pomegranates. Yes, that could work very well for the both of them. He chopped the meat and set it aside as he mixed together the onion with petals of a snapdragon as well as its dried flower for taste. The recipe was quite simple, enjoyable.
As enjoyable as he suddenly felt himself freeze when something brushed against his nape and a soft kiss was placed there.
“Hey! No distracting the cook!” he spun around and lightly tapped his spoon on Alhaitham’s hair. And of course he only earned a smirk for that, that stupid scribe. “Never thought you would get straight into surprise kisses short after confession”
“It’s only to retaliate. After all you started it” Alhaitham huffed a little, raising one brow. But just after a second his eyes fell onto the bowl before them and his gaze softened. “Is that… jaddati ’s stew?”
“The one and only” Kaveh grinned at him, before swatting his spoon at him again just for good measure. “Peel the fruits for me, I have my hands full”
“And where is the ‘please’?” Alhaitham answered teasingly, but still took of his writing gloves not to dirty them with fruit juice. Honestly, this man.
“Ungrateful, as always” Kaveh rolled his eyes and smiled.
“Bossy and annoying” Alhaitham shot back.
“But you still somehow love me” once again a kiss on the cheek was enough to shut the scribe up.