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Little Star

Summary:

Force is a recovering drug addict who attends AA meetings because it keeps his friends off his back. It’s been three years since that fateful day when he first got the wake-up call that life is fragile and spending it as a destructive drunk who spirals and puts those he loves at risk wasn’t worth it anymore. Heading to a regular Thursday meeting, Force stopped in his tracks, walking into that cold, air-conditioned meeting room. But it wasn’t the reason he got goosebumps. It was because of the smiley boy sitting in the chair across from him, that exact face he had to say goodbye to three years ago.

“Hi,” the boy said enthusiastically, a smile reaching from his left ear to the right as if it’s routine to be that happy. “My name is Chay.”

Force just stared. There’s no way. It can’t possibly be true. You’re supposed to be dead.

“Um, hello?” The sound of his voice snapped him back into reality. “You gonna leave me hanging?” His hand was now reaching out, ready to greet Force.

“Hi, my name is…” Does he even remember me? “My name is Jirat.” Force smiled to lessen the tension between the two and grabbed his smooth hand.

Did you really come back for me?

Notes:

Thank you for reading my au and to all my friends who were really supporting me throughout this journey. It's been a road that hasn't been easy, I've had moments of writer's block and feeling unmotivated, but nevertheless, I love writing this story, and I can't wait for you guys to read it!!

Also! I'm going to make a playlist for this au!! I will soon update it into this first chapter so stay tuned!

Chapter 1: Meeting

Chapter Text

Thursdays. Who the fuck made AA meetings on a Thursday? It’s not quite the weekend yet, but it's closer than a Wednesday, right? What was the point anyway? It’s not like Force was waiting to party on the weekend and get hammered. 

 

After having come every Thursday for the last two years to the small four-by-four room with no windows, the taste of alcohol had become as unfamiliar as the memories along with it.

 

Force dragged himself out of bed this morning. It was becoming a weekly thing lately, dreading the day Thursday arrived. Why couldn’t he just stop going to AA? It had trained him enough not to drink anymore. He doesn’t need it.

 

Nonetheless, it’s not like he started going to AA by choice in the first place. It was a mandatory thing.

 

The brisk smell of a dark wood cologne, hair slicked back, denim on denim outfit, Force didn’t think it was much to get ready for, but always cleaned up nice to make him feel less shit about himself. 

 

The apartment itself made Force stressed every day. Books, papers, and models for his architecture class sitting on his bedroom floor. It’s a miracle he hasn’t stepped and poked a hole in his foot.

 

Because when you start feeling shit about yourself, that’s when everything comes back. Before you know it, you’re in your closet, banging your head against the thin back wall, trying to get the sound of that night out of your head. But the ringing. The ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing.

 

Ring. Ring. RING. It turns into buzzing, and Force is now back on Earth. His phone buzzing like a swarm of bees asking for out. 

 

“Hello?” Force says sheepishly as if this isn’t his phone.

 

“Serious thought, Force, I don’t think I could ever have you as an emergency contact. You’re head is always on fucking Jupiter, and it takes you light years to get back into the fucking hemisphere.” The voice on the other line says ever so sarcastically it’s hard to mistake him for anyone else.

 

Pond. “You know what, right back at you, my friend, I haven’t seen your ass enter this house in two months. When are you going to pack your shit and move out?” 

 

“You’re just mad no one’s there to anchor you from floating in your invisible world.”  Force laughs at his friends’ sly response. Was it true?

 

Pond had just started dating a new boy. In Pond Naravit years, two months of talking meant the official disappearance from the world and his friends and living with who knows who and who knows where. The friend group still didn’t know who this new boyfriend was. That means Pond’s serious about someone again. Which in turn leaves Force alone in their apartment.

 

Not to complain about it, though. Force could do whatever he wanted and not have the witty comments bounce back from Pond. But an anchor? Force didn’t need one. It’s ridiculous to think that someone like him, carrying more weight on his shoulders than one could handle, would require an anchor.

 

“Okay, whatever, what do you want?”

 

“I just wanted to see if you’re free today to bring me some of my clothes.”

 

“Wow, already making the big move, huh? Don’t slow down. Do you want me to rent a U-Haul with all your furniture, too?”

“Ha ha, very funny. I just need a good outfit for tonight. We’re going to hit the club and drink to our–” Pond’s voice stops midway. Force could practically hear Pond bite his lip and mouth curse words on the other line.

 

“Shit…I’m sorry, Force, I didn’t mean it–”

 

“Dude, it’s fine. Just because I’m the lame one in the friend group doesn’t mean the rest of you have to be dragged down with me,” Force replied with a light chuckle at the end, hoping it saved some of the awkwardness lingering.

 

“You’re not lame. I’m proud of you. I don’t say or express it, but two years sober is crazy hard. You should give yourself some credit for rebuilding your life again.” 

 

Force smiles. He knows his friends always have his best interest at heart. They’re the ones who got him up from his bed and bathed him when he was severely depressed and drunk every day and who helped take him to his first AA meeting. But rebuilding his life wasn’t just about sobriety; it’s much more than that. To Force, his life is still shit, and he’s living every day as a reminder of the terrible things he did. He deserves to be punished every waking day of his life. But that’s something he won’t tell his psychiatrist, let alone his whole friend group, especially when they’ve all been supporting him throughout the last three years.

 

“I’m at the meeting right now, but I could probably head to the house and stop by after. I would get there maybe around 5 or 6?”

 

“Sounds perfect. Thank you so much, Force! I’ll send you the address later then.”

 

“See you later.” Force hung up the call and walked back down the hall into the meeting room.

 

Force made sure to silence his phone before coming in, but as he looked up from the ground, what he saw made his stomach turn and squeeze his guts from inside like a human towel. Force’s vision grew dark around his peripheral, all light and clear view focusing on the boy sitting in a swivel chair only five feet away from him. Force felt his body heat rise. Was he sweating now? Visibly, Force looked like a dog in the middle of the street with headlights blinking at him as if to say, “ What are you doing here, poor mutt?” Force move. MOVE

 

“Force, move your blocking the entrance.” Force suddenly jolted into the present and saw Jen, their AA secretary, and his sister. He stepped back, with an imbalance, as the situation prior shook him. He turned his head to his right and was still there, staring at him with eyes ever so the same.

 

So this is real. 

 

“Hi,” the boy said enthusiastically, a smile reaching from his left ear to the right as if it’s routine to be that happy. “My name is Chay.” 



Force just stared. There’s no way. It can’t possibly be true. 



You’re supposed to be dead.

              You’re supposed to be…

                                              Dead.





“Um, hello?” The sound of his voice snapped him back into reality. “You gonna leave me hanging?” His hand was now reaching out, ready to greet Force.

 

Force wiped his clammy hand against his blue jeans, tensely reaching out toward the boy. “Hi, my name is…” Does he even remember me? “My name is Jirat.” Force smiled to lessen the tension between the two and grabbed his smooth hand.

 

Did you really come back for me?

 

“Okay, everyone, we are ready for our meeting today. How about we go around in a circle and say one thing that was hard on us this week.”

 

Force couldn’t keep his eyes off the boy in front of him. Chay? He must’ve chosen that name for AA. But why was he here? Force only knows the person in front of him as Book. Lovely, perfect, breathtaking Book. The one who could smile and fix all his problems in one sitting. Book who hated the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke on Force’s clothes whenever they hugged. Besides the fact that Force thought Book was practically brain-dead the last time he saw him, the fact that he’s sitting in an AA meeting is confusing him all the more. That’s how they all ended up here. Alcohol abuse. But it’s also why Force had to say goodbye to the person he hurt and loved the most.






Before you join AA, they ask: Who do you do this for?  Force’s answer was simple: for his friends and his sister. That’s the easy way to cover up all the broken glass spiking out of his body. But really, that question is like a masked person, with a smile so disoriented and creepy, judging you from above saying: 

What is the reason for you being so adamant about quitting something that gave you power and outlets? 

 

Are you quitting alcohol or getting rid of the past? You’re the one with the mask. Not me.



“Well, something that was hard for me this week was coming here. It’s been around 5 months since my last surgery, and I haven’t been able to get out of the house yet. I grew increasingly anxious about being in a car, so I took the train and walked today instead.”

 

Bubbles. Sinking underwater. Those are the sounds and feelings Force felt while hearing Book talk. He wasn’t holding himself like he used to.

 

Book was witty, always so sure of himself. Confidence flowed through him in a way you couldn’t even call him self-centered or full of himself because he was naturally so radiant.

 

This wasn’t the Book he knew.

 

He could be an illusion Force just made up in his head. That seemed to comfort Force for two minutes while this persona, Chay, played as Book talked. 

 

One more hour. Maybe I’ll awake and be somewhere else, and the image of him gone again from my mind.




“It was really nice meeting you today, Chay,” Force’s sister held her hands and had Book’s like it was no problem.

 

“It was very nice to get out of the house again. I felt very welcomed today. I hope I wasn’t too eager to talk today.” The boy in specs looked full of shit. Of course, everyone loved him. He’s simply just so…himself.

 

“Of course not! New additions to a group are always like a new toy. I hope you didn’t feel too bombarded with all the questions and conversations today. It’s not usually like this, so don’t get scared and run away from us,” Jen lightly bumped shoulders with Book, and they laughed. Jen never talked like that to new people in the group. She has to know it’s him, too. Force can’t be the only one imagining or seeing things.

 

“Feel free to socialize for a bit. I’m sure Jirat wouldn’t mind showing you around and introducing you to everyone. Right?” Force just stood behind, still too dazed from the events today. Should he just pretend he’s suddenly got himself a busy schedule?

 

“HEY! Can’t you see I’m talking to you?” Jen shook Force by his shoulders. She’s grown quite the habit of yelling at him lately.

 

“Ouch, what the hell? Do you want me to get whiplash?”

 

“I’ll show you whiplash, you little prick–”

 

“Ah, Jennifer, it’s not good to grow a habit of yelling at people.”

 

“And it’s not a good habit to pretend you’re deaf when you’re older, smarter, rich sister who so happened to save your ass from dying is talking to you.”

“Oooh, ya got me there,” Force’s witty words were about to send his sister flying, but instead, she just laughed.

 

“Why are you acting like you just saw a ghost?”

 

Maybe because I did…at least…that’s the only explanation for him.

 

“Whatever it is, snap out of it. Go make friends with the new guy. At least show him around the building; to the guys, he seems shy.”

 

“Jen, do you really not know who that is?”

 

“This is an AA meeting. Some of us want to keep our personalities hidden. I, for one, would if I were you.”

 

“You little–” Force reached out to grab his sister playfully, but unfortunately, her sister’s taekwondo skills helped her at times like this.

 

“Oh, Jirat, still too slow for me. What should we do with you?” Jen had Force in a headlock with his hands cuffed behind him now. This was pathetic.

 

“Whatever. OW, okay, let me go now.”

 

“Go talk to him. Maybe it’ll give you peace of mind.” Jen lets her brother go and walks to the AA committee room for their post-group discussions on what to do better in the next meeting.

 

Sure, go ahead and leave me to make friends with the ghost.



As if on command, like a magnet to a fridge, Force started walking towards the boy. He stood by the far wall, staring at the situation before him.

 

Where have you been? How have you been? What has happened since we last saw each other.

 

Force couldn’t stop now. He was about to reopen all the wounds from before.

 

Survival of the fittest. If he can’t face this now, he will never get closure.

 

As he walks over, his heartbeat starts pounding against his chest. Sweat starts to trickle down the side of his face.

 

Book, or Chay, stands there in front of him. He turns to Force’s direction, and a big smile is placed perfectly on his face. The apples of his cheeks rising on both sides.

 

Force and Chay stand right in front of each other. Just arm's length away.

 

He’s so pretty…

I’m doomed.