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Someone's knocking at the door.
What's weird about it is that it's near midnight. It doesn't wake Dazai up only because he wasn't asleep anyway. He spent the last hour looking through the window, deep in thoughts.
The sound of knocking brings him back to reality. It's not like Dazai's expecting anyone, but he also doesn't have anything better to do, so he decides to check who wants to see him so late at night.
He's too tired to be anxious as he walks up to the entrance. He's ready to fight if he needs to, but he's not scared, just intrigued.
This feeling gets more intense when he finally opens the door.
"Well, well, what do I owe the pleasure?" he asks teasingly, recognising the familiar figure, then abruptly stops, because Kunikida's leaning on the door frame, breathing heavily, face covered in blood.
This night is just getting weirder and weirder.
"Why didn't you go to Yosano?" Dazai asks his first thought. His eyes are still focused on Kunikida's wounds.
"She's out and I didn't want to bother her anyway" Kunikida explains, voice raspy.
"But you didn't have a problem with bothering me?" Dazai raises his brows, because that's what he's supposed to do, that's what he's good at – teasing.
"You weren't asleep anyway."
"It's cute you're so familiar with my sleeping schedule" Dazai snickers.
"This was a stupid idea, forget about it" Kunikida sighs and starts turning around. Dazai just rolls his eyes, grabbing the man's arm and pulling him into his dorm. He stops to lock the door and then continues to drag Kunikida further into his flat. He makes him sit on a couch, muttering a quiet "stay here" and leaves to look for the first aid kit.
When he's back, Kunikida's sitting there patiently, glasses off his face, neatly folded next to him. Dazai sits on a coffee table in front of the couch so they're face to face. He can finally get a better look at Kunikida's injuries.
There's a bruise on his cheek and under his left eye. There's a cut on his temple and eyebrow and on his bottom lip. His nose is also bloody, but it doesn't look broken. That's a positive.
He starts shuffling through the kit when Kunikida breaks the silence. "You're not going to ask?" Hm. That's why Dazai thought someone would come to him of all people in the first place.
He raises his brow. "You really want to play the damsel in distress that much, huh? Okay." He clears his throat, tilting Kunikida's chin with his fingers and leaning close enough that he can feel his breath on his lips. "Who did this to you?" he asks in a husky low voice, staring at Kunikida. In response Kunikida rolls his eyes and smacks his hand away, but Dazai, despite the dim light, notices the tips of his ears turning pink.
Dazai leans back again, taking what he needs to start cleaning Kunikida's face. Then he holds him by his chin and disinfects he first cut. Kunikida hisses quietly and Dazai stops for a moment. He starts muttering an apology, but Kunikida interrupts him quickly.
"It's alright, sorry, I should do it myself anyway." He shakes his head and looks like he's about to try standing up. Dazai rolls his eyes and pushes him back on he couch.
"For all this talking about me being stubborn you're not much better" he says holding Kunikida's face in place. "Just shut up and let me do this, princess."
He can see Kunikida furrowing his brows at the nickname, but that's better than him acting like he doesn't need help. He just sits there, quietly agreeing to Dazai's command. So, Dazai continues.
It's not the first time Dazai has seen Kunikida hurt. They are partners after all, they have dangerous missions. Still, there's something uneasy in him. It's disturbing to see the responsible and sensible man in this state, hurt, nervous, exhausted. Dazai doesn't like this sight but there's also a part of him feeling strangely glad that Kunikida chose him to see this, allowed him to.
Thinking about this makes him even more disturbed, so Dazai returns to his task of cleaning Kunikida's wounds and thinks of something to break the silence.
"You can tell me what happened" he says. Kunikida looks up at him. "If you want to. It's your decision."
Kunikida sighs quietly and closes his eyes. Thank god, because avoiding his gaze isn't that easy. "It was a dark alley, I was tired and distracted. There were five of them" Kunikida starts talking, his brows slightly furrowed as Dazai cleans a deep cut on his temple, but he doesn't complain. Dazai is gentle, unusually gentle. He doesn't want to think where it's coming from. He knows he can't let his soft touch linger on Kunikida's skin, despite how much he wants it to, so he makes himself focus on the story.
"They asked about the agency and used the fact that I was too surprised to use my ability." There's another sigh. Kunikida's arms are slumped, like there's something heavy on his shoulders.
"Did you let them go like that or...?" Dazai asks, tilting Kunikida's head. The blond opens his eyes
"Of course not. At least three of them have some broken bones. Who do you think I am?"
Dazai smirks. "It's good to know you're not such a defensless princess."
"Call me princess one more time and I'll show you how capable of defending myself I am."
At that Dazai chuckles. He turns to get the bandages and when he looks at Kunikida again there's determination on his face.
"If they want something with the agency, we're going to find them" he states.
"Of course." And Dazai's going to have his way with them. Then he asks "What were you doing out so late at night?"
"I have life, you know?" Dazai raises an eyebrow and it's full of doubt. Kunikida has to sigh with defeat. "I was checking something for a case."
"See, I've told you all this hard work is not going to end well for you." Dazai shakes his head, like a parent reprimanding an insubordinate child. "That's why I'm saving myself."
"Don't you dare use this as an excuse for slacking off."
Dazai smirks because Kunikida must know it's too late. They fall into comfortable silence, the only sound being Dazai's shuffling as he bandages Kunikida's wounds. Kunikida's eyes are on his face this time and he can't help but notice something different in them, like a glint of something he always thinks he imagines. Dazai's not sure if he likes it, but when Kunikida's gaze catches his own it suddenly feels too real. He looks away, clearing his throat.
"Why did you come to me?" he asks the most important question. It's hard and simple at the same time to guess the answer, so he wants to hear it from Kunikida.
"Because we're partners" Kunikida says like it's the most obvious thing. Maybe it is. "I trust you. After all this time I have to." There's a hint of hesitation before he continues. "And maybe it's naive, but I like to think that in a similar situation you would come to me."
Dazai leans back. His work is done, so he shuts the first aid kit, going over Kunikida's words in his head. They're a confession of sorts. So his response should also be a confession.
"I probably would" he says, looking up. Kunikida's gaze is already waiting for him. "I wouldn't talk as much though."
"I'm not asking for that" Kunikida reassures quickly.
They sit opposite each other, so close their knees are touching. The silence that falls isn't too bad. It's like they're trying to say everything they need with their eyes. It's not the right way, but that's the way for now.
There's tension between them, not for the first time. Except this time Dazai feels it's different, more real, like he could grasp it if he tried. It can't be comfortably ignored as usual, it's not easy to break. Still, it's easier to try doing so than to accept what lays underneath this tension.
"You know," Dazai says, tilting his head "you don't look too bad after all."
"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" Kunikida snickers.
"No, no, I'm serious." Dazai leans closer again, almost like it's inevitable. "Some people would fall for this "mysterious dark guy" look."
He says all of this with a smirk on his lips, but it disappears when he catches Kunikida's gaze. His eyes aren't exactly all-knowing, more like they're seeking the answers they need. It feels like they're ripping their way through to Dazai's mind and soul. It's not completely pleasant, but it wouldn't have been possible if Dazai hadn't let it happen.
These eyes are breaking all the defense Dazai has built around himself and he knows it's going to hurt when he's left defensless. Still, he doesn't fight it. Instead he brings his hand close to Kunikida's face, pushing the blond hair away.
"A scar or two, some cuts or a bruise and trust me, a lot of people wouldn't be able to keep their hands to themselves" he continues lightly, because that's what he's best at and that's what's always expected from him. Although, he doesn't feel it is now, now he's only following his own orders.
Dazai strokes his fingers over the bandaged cut on Kunikida's brow. Apparently he's too deep into his thoughts, or maybe too occupied staring into the blond's eyes, that he presses too firmly. Kunikida winces slightly and Dazai pulls away immediately.
"Sorry about that" he mutters. But, he has to keep his act, right? "Do you want me to kiss it better?"
It's a tease, a terrible one honestly. Its purpose is simple – a roll of eyes, a way back to their usual banter. However, nothing about this night is usual.
"And what if I do?" The answer is quiet but understandable. Kunikida doesn't lower his gaze. He looks like he's sure of what he's asking for, not going to back away.
"Who am I to refuse?" Dazai says like he's continuing his teasing, but the light-hearted tone is gone from his voice. He gets even closer to Kunikida and the man doesn't move, doesn't pull away, sits there patiently, ready and decided.
When Dazai's lips brush over the cut on Kunikida's brow, the blond shudders slightly, but quickly stills, like trying to keep himself in place. Next kiss, on the temple, is rewarded with a quiet gasp, only sound in the silent room. Dazai feels like he could get drunk on this sound, like he could do anything to hear it again. So he tries, moving his lips over another injury on Kunikida's face, simultaneously ignoring his stupidly hammering heart.
His fingers make their way to hold Kunikida's face in place, stop the man from running away if needed. Weirdly, Kunikida doesn't seem to want to.
Dazai himself has to fight the urge to run, for a moment, but it quickly loses. He's going to have plenty of time to run away and disappear later, there's no way he's going to let go now, with Kunikida so close, pliant under his touch. The only way for that to happen would be if Kunikida pushed him off himself.
But he doesn't.
Dazai kisses every bruise, every cut, lips brushing softly over the injuries in hopes of bringing those sweet sounds out of Kunikida. When he does, well, he doesn't think any other reward would be enough.
Finally he pulls away, to look at Kunikida, to carefully study his face as he brushes the tip of his thumb against the last cut – on his botom lip.
"Are you feeling better now?" he asks, barely a whisper. It's not like he needs to be any louder with how close they are.
Kunikida looks like he considers something for a moment. Dazai watches carefully, awaits his sentence, whatever it may be.
"Finish the task and then we'll see" Kunikida's voice is hoarse, but his words are firm, said without hesitation, without any nervousness.
Dazai aims to please.
He brushes Kunikida's lip with his finger once more, and then he's closer again, seeking for any sign of change of mind on his face.
There's none.
Dazai's lips replace his fingers, brushing softly over Kunikida's. Kunikida tastes like blood. It's unsurprising and oddly fitting to this whole night, Dazai thinks as he brings his hand into Kunikida's hair.
This time Kunikida doesn't just sit patiently. He starts reciprocating the kiss after only a second, his fingers grasping at Dazai's shirt. Dazai knows it's not right, but to hell with it, it certainly feels good. And the way Kunikida moves into his touch, the way he tastes, the way he lets himself and Dazai have this – it can't be bad.
Dazai is aware it's going to hurt like hell later, he's aware they're creating a ton of new problems without solving a single old one. He just can't bring himself to care, not when he feels like his heart is about to break out from his chest.
However these thoughts slower his movements, just for a moment to pull away from Kunikida. Not too far though, still feeling the other breathing heavily.
Kunikida looks at him with furrowed brows. There's surprise in his eyes, there's want, there's also worry. Dazai hates this worrying look, needs to do anything to get rid of it.
"Does being beaten up puts you in a good mood?" Dazai smirks, because it's familiar, it's normal and it's easy.
"Just shut up." Kunikida's answer is quick, raspy and understandable. His lips are back on Dazai's, leaving all his doubts far behind them. And well–
Well, fuck.
Dazai's just a man, too far gone to stop now. Especially when Kunikida's pulling him on top of his knees, their chests close to each other. It makes him weirdly reassured to feel Kunikida's heart beating just as fast as his own.
He kisses with all he's got, all he wants to give, because Kunikida's offering to take it all. The man doesn't push him away, doesn't make him leave for being too much. No, Kunikida's making him stay, grounding him with his kisses, making Dazai believe it's real.
Kunikida's hands are on his waist, Dazai's in the blond hair, combing through it, relishing the way it feels, after imagining it so often. Way too often for his own good.
Kunikida's gasps are like music. Seeing the usually proper, reasonable man in this state, so messed up, guided by pure desire, is addicting. Dazai knows he's not any better, not with the way he chases after Kunikida's lips every time the man pulls away to take a breath.
It's astonishong to find out they're both damned. But it feels so good.
They get so lost with each other, time moves completely apart from them. It's impossible to tell how long they spend like that – it could be hours, it could be days, it could be an eternity. And what a way to spend an eternity it would be.
When they finally pull away, the sound of their heavy breathing fills the room. Dazai doesn't move from his place on Kunikida's legs, Kunikida's still holding him. The blond's eyes are on his face, not lowering for a moment, not avoiding his gaze. There's no visible regret on his face, only this peculiar amazed expression. Dazai doesn't break the eye contact either, studying Kunikida's face, because well, it's a sight.
Kunikida's all flushed, tips of his ears pink, hair messy and tangled. His lips are red, open and swollen from kissing. The cut on the bottom lip is bleeding again, but the blond doesn't seem to care. Such a messed up look fits him surprisingly well. Dazai knows he won't be able to forget this image, it's already tattooed inside his brain.
He's aware he probably doesn't look any better, he feels how warm his face is and there's no way to hide his panting.
They both just sit and stare at each other for a while trying to regain their composures. Finally Dazai licks his lips, knowing he has to speak. But he's not ready to make it mean something.
"I'll bring you some clothes so you can shower." God, his voice is so hoarse it's almost embarrasing.
"I'm staying here?" Kunikida asks, voice also broken. He looks surprised, however Dazai doesn't think he imagines how Kunikida's eyes shine.
"I'm not letting you go in this state, just so you can trip and break your head on the way to your dorm" Dazai says, because it's the easiest, most reasonable explanation. Obviously there's more of them, especially when he looks into Kunikida's eyes. Because then he could list so many reasons for wanting the blond to stay with him. He could list them in so many different ways, too – now that's something Kunikida might enjoy. Dazai could do it and there's a moment when he wants to, when he feels like his reasons are good enough for Kunikida.
The moment passes.
"I'll-um-I'll let you get ready" he says, lowering his eyes, not able to withstand the blond's gaze anymore. He gets up from Kunikida's embrace even though it's the last thing he wants to do.
Dazai quickly moves to his bedroom, trying not to think too much about what just happened. Not when Kunikida's still in the flat. He will have plenty of time to obsess over it later, and oh he definitely will.
He finds a shirt and a pair of sweatpants for Kunikida. When he goes back to him, he finds the man already in the bathroom. Given how small the flat is it's not surprising he found it.
Kunikida's leaning on the sink with his neck streched, eyes closed. When Dazai stops at the entrance he turns his head in his direction, lips pressed into a thin line. They stand there, both having no idea what to say.
Dazai levaes the clothes on the bathroom cabinet and clears his throat. "Need anything else?" Because at this point he's willing to give the man everything if he wants it.
Kunikida doesn't answer right away. He looks puzzled, at a fight with hismelf. That's when Dazai notices his hands, still covered in blood, knuckles bruised, fidgeting over the buttons of his shirt. His fingers are trembling, making the task much harder than it is.
Kunikida finally opens his mouth to say something, but Dazai is faster. "Do you want me to help with this?" he asks, pointing to the shirt. Kunikida looks surprised, bewildered. "I mean, if you want to, I could, though you can probably get it yourself" Dazai adds, quickly, mumbling the words, already stepping back, preparing to leave.
"It would be helpful, thank you" Kunika stops him in his tracks. Dazai thinks he must've misheard that, but Kunikida's still standing there, looking at him, patiently.
So he steps closer to him, one more time during this peculiar night, because somehow it feels like the easiest thing on the world. He takes a deep breath, hoping Kunikida doesn't notice. However, it's unlikely, given the fact he sees and hears Kunikida do the same.
As he starts working on the buttons, he makes himself not look up at Kunikida's face, trying to focus his gaze on the bloody stains dirtying the ususally clean and proper shirt. Dazai's doing everything not to think about how easy it would be to feel Kunikida's skin under his touch, to make him gasp again. He can't think about it because it's all too real.
The tension between them is almost literally buzzing and that would be the only sound in the room then.
Finally Dazai finishes his task, trying not to ogle, because he knows he's not allowed this, he already took much more than he deserves.
"Thank you" Kunikida says quietly. Dazai waves his hand dismissevly in response.
"Scream or something if you need anything" he mutters, closing the door behind him as he leaves. He lets out a deep breath and goes back to the couch. He can't believe anything what happened in this room was real, because how could it be?
Dazai doesn't know how long he's lost in his thoughts when the sound of steps brings him back to reality. He sees Kunikida, hair still damp, wearing his clothes, and something in his chest cluthes at the sight.
He waves his hand in the right direction. "Bedroom's this way, you're not going to get lost. Yes, I changed the sheets."
"What about you?" Kunikida asks. It's so pure, so genuine that Dazai wants to make fun of it, because that would be his usual response. He doesn't, instead he feels something warm inside.
"I'm not making you sleep on the couch after getting beaten up, I'm a gentleman after all" he says and hears Kunikida snort. Dazai scowls at him.
"And I'm not making you sleep on the couch in your own flat." There he is, the stubborn idealist.
"Leave it, Kunikida."
"We're adults, Dazai." Didn't they act like teenagers the whole night? Dazai raises an eyebrow and there's definitely a blush on Kunikida's face. The blond rolls his eyes. "We can share the bed." There's silence after that. Kunikida quickly adds. "Unless you don't want to, it's okay."
"No, no, you're right" Dazai says. "We're adults."
And so, a couple of minutes later they're laying on opposite sides of the bed, back to back. The room is dark and quiet, too quiet for Dazai's own good, his thoughts battling inside his brain with such strength it's causing a headache.
It's wrong, it's been wrong since the beginning. Maybe it makes him feel good now but when it hurts, and it is going to, it will hurt like a bitch, leaving a nasty, ugly scar. The worst thing is, Dazai let it happen. Let his defense down, let himself have this, knowing it's the last thing he deserves.
But it's everything he wants. Everything he needs.
And there's something about the way Kunikida's eyes were shining while staring at him. Something which makes him...
Fuck.
Dazai hates hope. It makes fools out of usually reasonable people. It causes more pain than anything. And yet, it's hard to get rid of it completely.
So he wonders.
Maybe if he's right, then maybe he could try. Maybe they could try.
He's too slow to stop himself from acting on these thoughts. "Are we really doing this?" he asks quietly, but it's loud in the silent room. He turns on his side.
"Doing what exactly?" Kunikida asks, also turning, to face Dazai.
"You know what I mean."
"If you want to." It sounds so easy, so possible.
"Why does it have to be about me and not you?" Dazai furrows his brows.
"Because I need to know if this is..." Kunikida looks away from Dazai.
"Worth trying?"
"I know it is. You are worth it. Just..." He closes his eyes for a moment and licks his lips. Dazai could watch him for hours if he was allowed. "Do you think so too?"
Dazai lets out a heavy sigh. "I think it's messy. Too messy for someone like you."
"Would you let me try?" Kunikida's intense gaze is back on Dazai. His expression is puzzled. It's good to know it's not only Dazai who's conflicted about this, but it makes him even less certain of everything.
"Maybe I would." Dazai admits after a moment. He bites his lip, trying not to pay attention to Kunikida's hopeful look. "But you're going to be gone in the morning anyway."
The silence that falls is almost demanding to be broken but neither of them decides to do it. They let it fall between them, because as peculiar as this night is, it's not made for saying many words.
They are close to each other, but Dazai's greedy. And if it's not going to last, he wants to make the most of it, so he shuffles closer to Kunikida, their faces merely inches away.
"C'mon, Kunikida. We're adults, we can share, right?" he says and then nuzzles his face into Kunikida's neck. Dazai can feel the man rolling his eyes, but he understands, because somehow he always does.
Kunikida wraps his arm around Dazai's waist, bringing the bandaged man closer, letting him relax in the safe embrace. He sighs happily, pressing his chest into Kunikida's.
"I thought I was supposed to be the princess" Kunikida chuckles lightly. Dazai's fingers make their way into his hair.
"You're not getting all the privileges just because you were foolish enough to lose a fight in some dark alley."
"You're lucky I don't have enough energy to beat some sense into you."
"Yeah" Dazai says, smiling to himself. "I guess I am."
He doesn't know how long they spend in this position. Apparently long enough for Kunikida to assume he's sleeping. Or maybe he knows Dazai isn't, maybe it's meant to be heard.
"I'm not going anywhere, you stubborn bastard." It's a whisper, yet Dazai hears it loud and clear. Something in his chest tightens almost unpleasantly, but then he feels Kunikida kissing his head and murmuring a quiet goodnight and suddenly it's alright.
He knows in the morning the bed is going to be cold and empty, but now it isn't, now it's warm, safe. Dazai falls asleep with a smile on his lips, for the first time he can remember.
***
When Dazai wakes up, there's no one beside him.
He's not surprised. There's some disappointment in him, though there definitely shouldn't be. It's not like he didn't know how this would go.
His fingers grasp on the emptiness at his side. He wants to laugh. Of course the idealist was bound to lose when it came to Dazai. This couldn't end any differently.
Dazai's not angry with Kunikida, he can't be. Actually he understands his choice. The worst thing is that even when he's aware this is all it could ever be, there's something inside him, this quiet naive voice wishing he wasn't alone again, wishing it didn't happen at all so he wouldn't get his stupid hopes up–
Wait. There's someone in the flat.
Dazai tenses hearing shuffling somewhere in his dorm. He's supposed to deal with an intruder after all of this? With a quiet groan he slowly gets up from the bed, wondering if this is how it all ends, this is how he meets his fate. He's probably just being dramatic, but honestly there's not an ounce of determination to fight for himself today.
But when he walks up to the source of these sounds, it's not an intruder. He still thinks he's gonna die, though.
"You don't have almost anything in your fridge, how do you live like that?" Kunikida huffs when he finally turns to face him. Dazai can't move from where he's standing.
Kunikida Doppo, the hopeless idealist, is standing in Dazai's kitchen, wearing Dazai's clothes, his hair still not tied properly.
Dazai must be still dreaming.
"What-why are you" Dazai manages to get only these words from his mouth. He keeps staring at Kunikida in surprise. Kunikida's expression changes, he seems nervous now.
"I wanted to make breakfast as a thank you. Sorry if that's not..." he starts explaining, looking away. Something in Dazai's chest tightens.
"No, it's okay, just..." he interrupts Kunikida whose gaze is back on his face. "I didn't expect you to–" he stops again, licking his lips, searching for right words. "You don't have to do this."
Under Kunikida's gaze Dazai feels like Kunikida's eyes see much more than the surface, see through his already shattered walls.
"I want to" the blond says like it's obvious. They look at each for a moment, in silence, then Kunikida goes back to his task, eyes off Dazai. "I mean, you don't have to eat if you don't–"
"I'm not dumb enough to turn down a free prepared meal" Dazai says immediately. "What are you making?"
"Pancakes. It's not like you have ingredients to make anything better than that."
"My, my, I'm really getting spoiled. You need to visit those dark alleys more often."
"Stop bringing this up and it's not all just for you" Kunikida rolls his eyes. Dazai smirks.
He sits down at the table watching Kunikida cook. Seeing this man preparing a meal for both of them in his kitchen makes Dazai's pathetic heart beat faster. It feels so unreal, too good, too domestic to be true and yet there's something right, fitting in this image.
Or maybe Dazai just wants it to be.
When they finally eat Dazai has to control everything that's screaming inside him. Because how is it even possible to he happening? It's too much, too much for him to be allowed to take.
"It's still going to be messy, you know?" Dazai says after taking a final bite of his breakfast.
"Do you have to talk with your mouth full?" Kunikida sighs. "I know that, Dazai. I'm not stupid. But maybe, I just want to try."
"Is this about your ideals?" Dazai asks, trying to sound lightly, but feeling uneasy at the thought of being only another problem to solve, a nuisance to fix.
Kunikida shakes his head. "No, it's about..." He lets out a breath, looking at the ceiling, focused on finding the right words" I truly believe it's worth it. You are."
"I'm what?"
"Worth it. Worth the effort." Kunikida says and there's not even a hint of uncertainty in his voice. "But only if you want it."
Dazai looks up at Kunikida, firstly noticing the dark bruise on his cheek. And something inside him tightens. He never wants to see this man hurt again, he wants to be able to protect him, to care for him.
Then he looks into Kunikida's eyes, because he no longer can avoid his gaze. And he sees this glint. So maybe he was right all along, maybe he didn't imagine it, maybe it's been real since the beginning. But what is Dazai supposed to do with this?
"You're talking about me again. What about you, though?" he asks, furrowing his brows. "What about what you deserve?"
Kunikida doesn't let his eyes leave Dazai's face. "I deserve to make my own choices." he explains firmly. "And I made this one long ago."
They stare at each other in silence after that, neither of them having any idea what else to say. The thoughts in Dazai's head are too complicated for now to even try to transform them into words.
He doesn't know how long they're sitting like that, but finally Kunikida clears his throat. "Get ready. We shouldn't be that late to work" Kunikida says, standing up, taking the plates from the table.
Dazai watches him, his mind still full of conflicted thoughts. Could this be true if he worked hard enough? Could this be real for him if he tried? Is he able to make Kunikida stay and to make up for it?
Is it actually worth it?
It's going to hurt anyway, whether now or later. Maybe it's supposed to go like this. Maybe there's something more in it.
Dazai's walls are shattered already. Soon, they'll probably break completely. However, perhaps he wouldn't have to rebuild them alone.
"It's not going to be easy" he says, standing up, slowly leaving the kitchen.
"I never asked for easy" Comes the immediate answer. Dazai knows it's silly, yet somehow his chest feels lighter at the words.
"Dazai?"
"Hm?" he hums, turning to find Kunikida right in front of him. The blond looks at him carefully, leaning closer. Not close enough for Dazai, still, Dazai doesn't move, waiting patiently.
"Can I..." Kunikida starts, bringing his hand to smooth over Dazai's cheek.
"Yes, please" Dazai interrupts, because if Kunikida's offering, then he's ready to take anything he will be given.
Their lips meet in another kiss, slow and soft. It tastes sweet this time. Dazai combs his fingers through Kunikida's hair, Kunikida caresses his face with such care, he's afraid he's about to melt.
It doesn't feel rushed, like taking whatever you can get before it's over. It feels like something new, a beginning.
They pull away after a while. Dazai feels this strange warmth in his chest as he looks at Kunikida's red face and he wants to say something, something he will mean. The words get stuck in his throat, not ready to be said yet.
Maybe, just maybe, one day.
Instead he stares at Kunikida, admires what he has now, for as long as he can.
"We still have work, Dazai" Kunikida's voice breaks the silence. Of course, Kunikida's still the responsible one, even if Dazai hears a hint of disappointment in his voice.
Dazai's not even in a mood for bickering or teasing, he just nods and steps back, all set to get ready, to leave for work, to spend this day with Kunikida, to start something new.
Of course it's scary, of course it's dangerous. However, he doesn't have to face it alone.
"We sure do, partner" Dazai says, feeling the smile forming on his lips.