Chapter Text
Levi thinks he's in love with you. He's not really sure why.
Well, okay. That's not really it. The question isn't why someone would be in love with you; you're very easy to love. Your energy is infectious, and despite how precarious your situation is, you've remained optimistic and full of life. You have arguably been through more than any other person he's ever known, and he has no idea how you can still smile despite it all.
You also have the most beautiful smile he's ever seen. It makes his heart flutter stupidly every time he sees it.
So much to say. You have so much to say and he wants to hear all of it.
You're funny, you're kind, you're understanding, and you have this enthusiasm about life that makes him want to believe in living again. So, yes, Levi can understand why you're so lovable.
He's just surprised he was capable of love. He never thought he was.
But he wakes up every day excited to see you. He's so dedicated to learning sign language that Farlan and Isabel would make fun of him. His days are centered around you and you make his day better simply by existing.
If that's not love, then he's not sure what is.
He picks up sign language surprisingly fast. It helps when he spends almost every second of the day with you. He's never been more dedicated to anything in his life. More specific words, he struggles with- only because he's never seen them.
But he gets good. And you tell him that, which might be a lie- but he appreciates it regardless.
He spends so much time with you that he may as well just live in your room (a joke made by one of the nurses that makes your face flush and his ears go red), but he feels like he knows everything about you. Every day, he thinks you're going to run out of things to say, and every day, you prove him wrong.
Today is a topic he's not as familiar with. Your hands rise as you sign. Do you believe in signs from the-
Levi doesn't get the last sign. "Signs from the..." he trails off, and you sigh, then try again. There's a lot of motion. You see the confusion on his face, then raise your hands up to the sky. "Signs from God," he tries, but you're still glaring at him. "Signs from..." You wave your hands above your head. "The universe?"
You drop your hands into your lap, exasperated. Then, you sign, finally.
He scowls. "I'm not good at this," he grumbles, signing as he goes, if not just for practice. "How the hell was I supposed to know the sign for universe?"
You sigh. Sorry.
The apology is nice, but Levi feels bad that you have to make it. If he could just plug something into his brain that made him immediately able to comprehend sign language permanently, he would. "Don't," he murmurs. "Do I believe in signs from the universe? Is that your question?" You nod. "No."
Why not?
"You do?"
You shrug. I feel like... you pause, as if trying to figure out what to say. I feel like we were- you do some sign that involves pointing off into the distance that he doesn't get, then- meeting.
"Like we were..." fuck, he feels useless sometimes. You deflate a bit, but Levi doesn't want to give up. "We were meant to meet," he tries. "You feel like we were meant to meet."
Your eyes light up. Again, Levi's heart flips. You nod.
He pauses to consider it. He can't help but admit that yes, there's something- something about you that drew him in, that made him stay. He still doesn't know what it is. He doesn't know you. He knows nothing about you except that there's nowhere else he'd rather be.
"Bullshit," he says instead. "There's no way."
You pout. Then, slowly- as if you're hesitant- you sign, then why are you here?
"Why am I here," Levi repeats. "Because I want to be?"
But I don't know why you want to be. That, he figures out clearly. You keep going, and your eye contact is jumping all over the place, like you can't let yourself stay focused on him for too long. You don't know me, you sign next. And you're healthy. You don't have to be here. You don't know me.
You don't know me. You're right; he doesn't. "I don't have to be here," Levi echoes. "True. But I'm here anyway. I want to be here."
You're tearing up as you sign, why?
He doesn't like seeing you cry. He doesn't know why (that's a lie, he knows why).
He keeps going back to the fact that he's known you for all of a month and some. He feels like he knows so much, but does he really know anything at all? He doesn't know you or anything about you other than you're a girl with no voice but so much to talk about, that you love books and rainbows and sunsets and walks around the courtyard, that you've been through a tragedy like he has and you have no one. And he has no one.
You're signing again- he missed it. "Sorry," Levi murmurs, leaning forward. "One more time?"
You pause, collecting yourself. Levi hates that you're close to crying. Carefully, you sign, please talk to me. I can't hear your thoughts.
Ah. Talking. Not Levi's favorite activity. "I don't know," he says honestly. "I don't know why I'm here. I saw you- the first time I saw you, I thought I knew you. I don't. We don't know each other. But every time I see you, it feels like I'm talking to someone I know. I feel like I know you. But I don't. You're..."
He's weirdly comfortable with you. That's it, he thinks- that's why he was drawn to you.
"I just... I feel like you have so many things to tell me," Levi says quietly, "and I want to hear them."
You're blinking back your tears. I'm annoying, you sign. I can't talk.
His lips twitch. "Somehow, I think you'd find ways to be annoying if you could talk."
You punch his shoulder. Your hands mime out, asshole.
Levi leans forward. Carefully, he raises a hand to your face. You freeze up- maybe startled or just unsure as to what he's doing- and Levi uses his thumb to brush away a tear that's falling down your cheek. "Maybe I don't know why I'm here," he murmurs. "But I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be."
He keeps his hand there. You lean into his palm.
There's a moment there, where Levi thinks the world stops turning. It's just you and him in a hospital room, frozen in time. Another meteor could hit and Levi wouldn't even notice.
You pull your hands up to sign. I'm annoying, you sign again. It takes me a long time to have a conversation. I can't communicate. Most people won't know what I'm saying.
Levi gets you to redo that last part again, and with a long sigh, you do. "I know I'm just proving your point," he murmurs, and the corner of your mouth twitches weakly, "but I'll get there. I'll learn it all, I promise."
Your eyebrows furrow. You will?
"Yeah."
But I can't expect everyone to. What if it's just you?
He doesn't know where it comes from, but he gets out, "fine by me. That means I get you all to myself."
You scowl, but you're fighting back a smile. Levi realizes that he is too. Why are you both fighting it? Why can't you just let yourself smile for the sake of it and he can smile back, and his chest will feel warm and his hand is still on your face and fuck-
Something buzzes in his ear.
Levi flinches back and his hand swats at the empty space, but whatever it is- a blur of black and yellow- has flown away. "Fuck!" he says out of sheer surprise. "God damn wasp."
Your jaw drops. It's a bee!
"Same difference," he scowls, glaring at the open window. "The fuck is a wasp doing at the fourth floor? Doesn't it have better places to be?"
He looks back to you right as you finish signing, bee. I love bees.
"You love bees. Seriously?"
Yes!
"Not turtles, or owls, or... ferrets, or whatever the hell normal people like."
You're grinning now, which makes him feel a bit better. I like bees, you sign. They're cute.
He's reminded of one of the first times he hung out with you, when you'd said you had a weird dream about bees. You rattle on and on about the universe and fate- maybe you're onto something. "So you're obsessed with bees, then."
They deserve better.
"Alright, Bee Girl," he says, and you wrinkle up your nose. "That bad, huh. Alright. Want me to wheel you outside so you can go see them?"
Your eyes light up. Can we?!
"As long as none of them land on me."
Don't freak out if they do. They're nice.
Levi scoffs. "Alright. Fine. Come on, Bees, let's go."
You don't scowl at that nickname. Instead, you smile a bit wider, and you start shifting yourself off your bed so you can get to your wheelchair.
Levi decides that bees probably aren't as bad as he thinks they are.
.
He wonders what the world record for time to learn sign language is. He thinks you and him have broken it.
All of the doctors and nurses comment on it. "I was going to say it was a miracle how fast she picked up on it," one nurse says, "but then you got it just as fast, so I'd say that it's more about your determination. It's impressive."
Impressive, maybe. Levi's just so focused on being able to listen to you that he hasn't noticed.
It's fun too. He does some lessons on his own, and then more with you. You're much funnier than you could be with just a whiteboard, and Levi has to make an active effort not to smile at you as much as he wants to. God, does he want to.
When you get excited about something, though, you start moving at an indistinguishable pace, and he can't keep up. Like now, for example: sitting outside in the courtyard, trying to play a card game that Levi isn't sure he even knows all the rules for.
"Wait, wait, you're going too fast," Levi complains as your hands become a flurry in front of your face. "Slow down."
You huff, then lift your middle finger.
"Really? Real mature."
You start signing again, and Levi tries to follow along. "No," he says, frowning at you, "no, I don't think that our sign language teacher is in a... what the fuck kind of sign is that?"
You pause, realizing he doesn't know the word. You spell it out. Cult.
"You think our instructor is in a cult."
You don't?
"Dare I ask why?"
Again, the hands start flying. Levi catches most of it, and for some of the specifics, you spell out the words, which definitely helps. You go on and on about the pictures hanging up in her office, the figurine on her desk, her weird phrases, and...
Eventually, you stop. What? you sign. You seriously don't think so?
"Are you just trying to distract me from the fact that you're losing horribly?" Levi asks, playing his next card.
You pout. Fuck you're adorable. You shake your head as you draw a card. Your eyes widen and you slap the card down on the pile.
He stares at it. "You can't play jokers," he says with a scoff.
Jokers are wild, you sign with raised eyebrows.
"No, they're not. We never discussed this."
Your lips are quirked as you sign, I did. You just never heard me.
Levi rolls his eyes. "Playing the mute card? Really?"
No, I played the joker card. Your turn.
"I hate you."
You put your hands together in a heart, then flip your middle finger up, as if to say the feeling is mutual. Levi smirks to himself and plays his next card.
.
The day you walk on your own for the first time is a monumental one for more reasons than one.
It happens one day when he's coming by in the afternoon, after one of your scheduled therapy sessions. Your door is open, as always, and he's barely two steps in the door when you're throwing your hands up in the air. "What?" Levi asks, pausing. "Stop?"
You nod. So, he stops. "Why?"
You hold up a finger as if to say one second. Levi raises his eyebrows as you swing your legs off of your hospital bed, and you push yourself up to your feet.
This isn't new. You've been able to stand yourself up pretty well for the last week or so; walking always takes some assistance or help.
Apparently, not anymore. With a glimmer in your eyes, you take a step forward. Then another.
The smile slowly rises across Levi's face as he watches you walk across your room, one foot in front of the other. It's obvious you're favoring your good leg, but the progress you've made is substantial. He didn't even know you could walk unassisted yet.
You make it to him until you're a foot away, and you spread your arms as if to say ta da.
"Look at you," Levi murmurs, still smiling. "Walking. You're incredible."
It sounds stupid coming out of his mouth, but you seem to appreciate it, because you throw your arms around his shoulders. Levi freezes up, surprised by the sudden movement, but then he feels your body press into his and your nose in his neck and he melts. His arms snake around your waist.
This is the most physical contact that the two of you have had. You've had fleeting moments here or there (moments that occupy way too much time in Levi's brain) but never a full hug. In all fairness, you've never walked either.
"I didn't even know you could do that without the railings," he says into your shoulder, swaying on the spot with you. "You're full of surprises."
He waits for a response, then realizes that as long as he's hugging you, he won't be able to get one. You seem to realize the same thing, because you pull yourself back at the same time he does.
He hates that. He hates that you're mute- not you, nothing personal, just that it comes with limitations. And he liked hugging you. Which makes it worse.
"Uh." Levi clears his throat awkwardly. "You're okay?"
You shrug. Kind of. Still hurts.
"Then don't walk if it hurts."
I wanted to show you that I could!
Fuck, you're adorable. "I would've believed you," Levi says, and you shoot him a deadpan glare. "Seriously, I would've. Don't push yourself."
You seem a bit hurt by that. I just want to get back to normal, you sign. Keep up with you.
"Keep up with me?" he asks in surprise. "What?"
You do so much for me. I want to-
"Hey," Levi interrupts, and he grabs your hand. "I told you. I'm here because I want to be. I want this."
Your eyebrows rise; it's clear you're skeptical. "I'm serious," Levi says firmly. "I'd be happy to live out my days pushing your wheelchair and spoon-feeding you, if that's what it took. Take your time. I'll still be here."
Your expression shifts; Levi thinks it's gratitude and maybe something more. You mouth thank you.
Levi smiles slightly, which seems to make you smile more. He realizes he's still holding your hand. He doesn't want to let go. "Sorry," he murmurs, and he drops your palm.
You frown. For what?
"...Keeping you from signing."
That's okay.
"You want me to hold your hand?"
You stare for a moment, like he's an alien. Was it not obvious? you sign, and Levi's almost glad you can't talk because he's not sure he'd be able to handle that level of sarcasm.
Your request sinks in. Levi blinks. "You want me to..." he trails off.
I literally invite you to cuddle in my bed with me every time you read to me, you sign out.
Oh my god, he's an idiot. His feelings have grown every single day and never once has he considered actually acting on them. He's always assumed that this hyperfixation with you was temporary- fleeting at best. Like once he met you and figured out how he knew you, he'd solve the ridiculous puzzle that your existence has cooked up in his head.
But it's been the opposite. And for whatever reason, Levi's assumed that... well, he's not sure what.
You've signed something and he's missed it. He asks you to repeat it and you sign, I've never met a man who's ignored hints more than you.
Levi feels floored. You're being quite blunt about this. "You're forward" is all he can manage.
You sigh. Well, one of us has to be.
You shoot him a look that screams it certainly wasn't going to be you and Levi wonders if he's the dumbest man alive. "You're serious?" he asks.
You nod. You pause, then sign, unless I've misread this?
"No." Your shoulders relax immediately. "Sorry, I just..." he trails off. "I think, from the second I met you, I immediately labeled you as out of my league and unattainable."
You're an idiot, you sign immediately, frowning at him. An idiot and-
"Okay, okay," Levi interrupts, taking your hand in his. He loves this: your hand is warm and he runs his thumb over the burn scars adorning your fingers and palm. "I know," he says. "World's biggest idiot. Can I make up for it?"
You shrug, but you're smirking. "I'm..." he's reminded of how much he hates doing all the talking. "I'm not good at talking about it," Levi murmurs. "But I can show you. If that's okay."
You're definitely smiling now. You nod.
Levi's lips split into a grin. His other hand rises to your face, and the last thing he sees before he leans in is your eyes fluttering shut.
It's the best kiss of his life. Levi thinks a bomb could go off in the hospital and he wouldn't even notice, not with the pressure of your lips on his and your fingertips at his jaw. Suddenly, he's nervous- what if he's horrible at this- but your lips move and he moves in tandem with you, trying not to freak out.
He's still freaking out though. By the time you pull back, he feels like he's shaking. For a minute, all he can do is take deep breaths and try not to scream.
You're smiling. Levi thinks he could melt.
He realizes he's stopping you from communicating, and he drops your hand. You quickly sign, that took you too long.
Levi scoffs. His face feels warm. "You could've done it."
It's a bit hard to tell you things.
"Then you don't have to tell me," he murmurs. "You can show me."
You beam. Your hands go to his jaw, and you lean back in.
This, Levi thinks, has got to be the craziest thing that's ever happened to him. You, coming into his life like you were always meant to be there and captivating him instantly. His hands slide around your waist and he wonders what he did in a past life to get so lucky.
Lucky, he thinks as he kisses you, pulling you into him. The two of you, meeting and connecting like you have. Really fucking lucky.
You would say it's fate. Maybe fate's worth believing in.
.
When Levi stops by later the next day, you've got a visitor.
That's not unusual, but your usual visitors are doctors or nurses. This man is neither. He's wearing a tweed jacket and brown slacks and has long brown hair, plus wiry glasses perched on his nose. Levi's never seen him before, and judging by the look on your face, you don't really know him either.
You see him hesitate in the doorway and your eyes light up. You wave. The man turns. "Tea," Levi says awkwardly, walking towards you and handing you a cup. "Black, two sugars."
You mouth thank you as you take it from him. Levi turns to the stranger. "Who are you?"
He doesn't care if he sounds rude. Neither does this man, apparently, because he seems unfazed. "Grisha Jaeger," he says, extending a hand. "I'm with the Paradis City MRC."
Levi stares, then shakes. "MRC."
"Meteor Recovery Committee. For survivors displaced by the event." He smiles politely. "You are?"
Levi looks to you. You look much more at ease now that you have someone you can communicate with, and you sign, he just got here, he was starting to tell me that he can help me get a place to live.
"I'm your translator," he goes with, sitting himself down. "Unless you know sign language."
He glances at you. You have the whiteboard sitting on the side table, but he knows how much you dislike it now that you've found this new way to communicate. You smile genuinely at him as you sign, I appreciate you. Thank you.
"I don't, so I appreciate it." Grisha shifts slightly from foot to foot. "As I was saying," he says politely, looking to you, "what we're trying to do is help people get back on their feet. A place to stay, back at a job if you've lost yours. There's plenty of government aid available." He looks to Levi. "Is this something you'll be needing as well?"
Levi's mouth goes dry. Technically, no. His place of residence is still intact. His job still exists. "No."
He stares for a moment, then nods. Levi glances at you; you're looking at him, but you look away. "So, you're... mute, now," Grisha says, slightly awkwardly. "Your file says you were a student, yes?"
"Yeah, but she had a job lined up. Editor," Levi adds, before you sign it.
"Big company or local to the area?" You gesture widely with your hands. "Big," Grisha confirms. "Alright. I can contact them and see if they could have a role for you somewhere else- perhaps something with less communication required. I am going to tell you to keep your expectations low, though. Businesses in Paradis have been hit hard. Regardless of you or your capabilities, they may not be interested in taking you."
You give him a thumbs up. "A place to stay?" Levi asks. "In the city, or elsewhere?"
"My region of responsibility is the city. If you wanted to move somewhere, then I could try to set that up, but we've got access to all of the available houses and apartments on the outskirts of the city." He smiles slightly. "Not everything was destroyed. The city center, yes, but Paradis is a large city. There's plenty still available."
Levi looks to you. Your hands rise. I like the city. I'm okay with staying. "She likes the city," Levi translates, looking to Grisha. "She'll be good with looking at options to stay."
He nods. "Excellent. I'll start with your employer and bring you some living options tomorrow. House, apartment? For just yourself, or..."
Grisha trails off. His eyes flicker from you to Levi and back.
Levi looks to you. You're looking at him.
For a moment, you both just stare at each other.
There's a sudden realization that passes between the two of you that you have to acknowledge what you're doing. Levi's spent every single day since you woke up by your bedside- to a point where he was discharged long ago but is still here- and you've been recovering slowly but steadily. This was going to come up eventually: what happens when you're healed? When you're ready to be discharged?
To talk about that, Levi really needs to talk to you about what the fuck is actually going on here. He remembers that Grisha's here, and he looks back to him. "She'll get back to you," he says.
"Then I'll prepare several options." Grisha smiles. "I'll come back tomorrow."
He heads for the door. Levi looks to you. "Give me one second," he murmurs, and you nod. Levi stands up and follows the city council guy or whoever the hell he is out of your hospital room. "Hey," he says once they're down the hallway and hopefully out of earshot. "How long until that kind of shit gets done?"
Grisha shrugs slightly. "It varies. It'll likely take at least a week or two for an apartment to be sorted out- even with the expedited process, it's a bit tedious. A job depends. Her situation is tricky."
The mutism. Right. "She likes books," Levi says. "Anything with books. Libraries, bookstores."
"That could work. I'll look into it."
A beat. Grisha almost looks like he's... studying him, which Levi doesn't like.
Eventually, the man sighs softly. "This isn't an easy process," he murmurs. "Going back to everyday life helps some people, but makes it worse for others. Part of this rehabilitation involves a therapist," he adds, "that we can set her up with in her area, once we've got her set."
"Good." You're seeing one here; it'll help to continue that. "Thanks," Levi adds awkwardly.
Grisha smiles slightly. "Don't worry. This is near and dear to me, so I'm going to do my best. My son was..." he exhales. "My son was involved in the meteor strike. He survived, but he lost a lot. So I understand you," he adds. "It's hard and stressful to watch a loved one struggle. Excuse me."
He nods, then leaves, heading down the hall. Levi watches as a boy with brown hair enters the hallway and waves him down. Grisha wraps an arm around his shoulders, and the two of them continue on together.
Loved one.
Levi's mouth feels dry.
He's got to face this at some point. It may as well be now.
He turns to head back to your room, that gnawing feeling ever-present in his chest. He's been dreading this: the day you'll be discharged and you'll leave, moving on with your life, and he'll be left to wonder whether you were even real or a figment of his imagination.
Anxiety rises in his chest as he steps back into your room. Anxiety? Fuck's sake. He hates this. "Hey. Sorry," he adds. "Just needed to ask him something."
You wave at him as if to say he's fine. Then, you sign, are you okay?
He hates that question. "Are you?" he asks.
You frown. I asked first.
"So?" You glare. You're cute; it's annoying. "This is good," Levi muses, sitting back down in his seat next to your bed. "A plan, at least. Help you get back on your feet."
I'm not supposed to be discharged for another week or two, you tell him. Things could change.
"Like what?"
Knee gets worse. Something else goes wrong.
He'll give you that. But... "You can't really get more mute," Levi says.
Your lips twitch. You hesitate, and Levi can feel it: the weight of the elephant in the room. What's your plan? you sign. When do you leave?
He doesn't really know how to respond to that. "I leave when you do," he murmurs.
Why?
"Because I..." I love you sits on his tongue and that feels like too much and not enough at the same time. "I don't know. Isn't it obvious?"
There's a glimmer in your eyes. I didn't know if... you pause. Levi can feel your anxiety, and he settles a hand on your leg. If this was situational.
"Situational."
Like, if after I was recovered and ready to leave, if you would just... Your hands are shaking as you sign, leave.
Levi's dumbfounded- he thought the same thing about you. "I was ready for you to leave once you were ready to," he murmurs. "Like... I don't know. I..."
He trails off. He's got no words.
As always, you do. You take a deep breath and raise your hands, then pause. Levi's thumb starts to draw circles on your leg, and after a tiny, reassured smile, you start to sign.
When I woke up, I thought I had nothing, you're signing. No parents. No friends. No school, no job. No voice.
That last bit is the harshest. Plenty of emphasis from you.
You exhale, re-centering yourself, and continue. But then, out of nowhere, you sign, pausing to blink away tears, I had you.
Levi, for some stupid reason, feels his eyes heating up.
You saved me.
"You saved me," Levi repeats. "It goes both ways."
Your lips twitch slightly. You raise your hands, then pause, like you're nervous. With shaky hands, you sign out, if you don't want to go back to your hometown. Will you stay with me?
His eyebrows rise. "Are you asking me to move in with you?"
You pinch your lips together. You nod.
Levi wonders if he really did die in that meteor strike and this is all some sort of dream. Heaven or something. The way all of this has fallen into place, the way you've changed his life, the way he can't imagine ever not knowing you or not seeing you or...
"Depends," he says. "How clean are you?"
You shoot him a weird look, then roll your eyes. I'm okay.
"Okay. Okay good, or okay I shove everything in the closet instead of cleaning properly kind of okay."
My closet is clean, you sign, almost sarcastically. Besides, right now, I have nothing.
That's true. If your place was destroyed in the strike, then you really do have nothing. "Then I guess we have to shop," Levi says.
You're smiling now. You shrug as if to say guess so.
As if he could ever say no to you. "Yeah," Levi murmurs, fighting the smile that's pushing at his lips. "Yeah. Let's do it."
Are you sure? You don't want to go home? you sign. Your job?
"I can get a new job." Words bubble up, and he squashes them; then, he realizes he doesn't care and you deserve to hear them. "Home is wherever I'm with you," Levi murmurs.
You blink. You stare. Then, you blink some more. You're tearing up.
Fuck. He backtracks. "That was too much. I'm sorry."
Immediately, you shake your head. That was sweet, you sign. That was perfect.
"You don't have to spare my feelings."
I'm not. I'm not lying. I'm serious. Perfect, you sign.
Levi's lips twitch. Fuck, he loves you. "Okay," he murmurs. "Yeah. I'll move in with you."
You beam. Levi thinks he could be lost in the arctic for weeks in weather well below freezing and your smile alone would be enough to warm his body up. Well? you sign insistently, smiling. You going to kiss me?
"Fuck. Yeah," Levi says quickly, and he reaches for you. You're smiling when his lips touch yours and he can't help but smile too.
Okay, screw it. Maybe you're right; maybe the universe had some hand in this.
He owes the universe a thank you, then. Because he thinks about what you said: that you thought you had nothing. It's a sentiment he feels wholeheartedly. He woke up discovering that he'd lost Isabel and Farlan, two of the only reasons that life felt tolerable sometimes. He felt empty, like something was missing. He felt lost.
And you've completed him. Somewhere in the chaos, in the mess of your lives after a catastrophe, you found each other.
Stupid, fickle universe and its stupid plans, Levi thinks as he smiles against your mouth, fingers threading up into your hair.
Maybe fate isn't so bad.
.
Within two weeks, several things happen.
One, Grisha proves himself to be incredibly capable, and he gets him and you an apartment on the edge of the city. It's got ten floors and a nice rooftop garden, which you seem quite excited about, and it's right next to a subway station. There's an elevator, and the place is on the eighth floor. It looks roomy in the pictures but Levi doesn't know if it'll be that nice in person.
Two, he gets you a job at a bookstore called SCOUTS about a ten minute walk from the apartment.
While you were initially disappointed that there really wasn't a spot for you with your previous company, you were nearly tearing up when Grisha mentioned this opportunity to you. It's not much: mostly mornings, sorting books and doing inventory, preparing inventory, keeping the store clean. But he's never seen you this excited for anything before.
Three, Grisha actually goes out of his way to get Levi a new role as a trainer in a nearby gym. It's a twenty-five minute walk or a quick subway ride, and the gym seems alright so far. It's right next to a decent tea place, which Levi thinks is the selling point.
And four: you get discharged from the hospital.
You're officially walking, but you get tired easily. The doctor ensures you can leave with a wheelchair (I'll burn it, you sign rather passionately) and a cane to help you out for the time being.
When you get discharged, Levi picks you up, and together you set out to see your apartment for the first time. He can tell you're nervous, and when you wrap your hands around his bicep as you walk, Levi wonders if he's the luckiest man in the world. He certainly feels like it.
And, luckily, the apartment is great. It's already loosely furnished: a table, chairs, and a couch and shelf. I'll need a bigger one, you sign immediately.
Levi scoffs. "Literally your only possessions from the hospital were books."
I see no problem with that, you sign with a grin.
He wanders into the kitchen. It's better than he expected, with a full-size fridge and freezer and already equipped with a kettle. There's a vase of purple flowers on the kitchen table, which is a nice touch. Levi wonders if you like flowers. He'll get some for you next time he goes out and figure out what you like.
He hears a knock against the wall but it's just you trying to get his attention. He turns and you sign, what do you think?
"What do I think?" he repeats. "What do you think?"
You shrug, then nod, smiling. Yeah. I like it.
"Then I like it."
You try to glare at him, but you're fighting a smile. Levi's heart swoops in his chest. You hold out your hand and he takes it, and you drag him down the hallway. The bathroom is large enough that it has a tub, which is nice, and there's one large bedroom. There's already a bed inside, and you flop down on top of it.
Levi's lips twitch. "Happy?"
That feels like a rhetorical question, because you're grinning from ear to ear. Almost perfect, you sign. I need another bookshelf in here and then it'll be perfect.
"How many bookshelves do you need?"
Enough to hold all my books.
"You have two dozen."
And I'll have way more once I start work in a few days.
Ah, right. Fuck, he's doomed. "So I've only got your attention for a few more days," Levi muses, hoping he doesn't sound sour about it.
You roll your eyes. You have my attention all the time.
"You know that's a lie."
Fine. You'll have it when I'm done with book three.
He's been reading to you a fair bit; he's finished book one and is midway through book two with you. "Then I guess we better speed it up," Levi says, looking to where your bag of books is sitting by the doorway. "Settle in."
You shift happily in your spot and Levi's heart flips as he goes down the hallway, fishing for your current read from your bag. When he comes back to the bedroom, you've already curled up on one side and made yourself comfortable. You eagerly pat the bed next to you.
Levi thinks he might die from all the heat rushing to his face. "No rush," he says, but he still hops into bed next to you. You snuggle into his side. "We have time."
We have time, you echo with your hand before you drape an arm over his chest.
Levi's heart soars. He starts to read.
.
This government aid program is a ridiculously wonderful thing. Both he and you are given some starter clothes- just enough to survive for a week before you're going to need new ones- and supplies, a gift card to a grocery store down the block that should last you both for weeks, and you're both set up again with the bank accounts you had before the incident, plus some. And you're both given new phones, which Levi hadn't even realized he was going to need.
It feels like you're getting back to normal- whatever normal is. Levi starts his job, and it's alright; it's going to take some getting used to. But the facilities are nice and his boss seems fine, and it's nice to get into a gym again.
You feel similarly about your job. You come back from your first shift grinning like a maniac and with a new book in your hands. "I take it the first day went well, then," Levi says, handing you a mug filled with tea.
Thank you, you sign as you set your book down and take the tea. The two of you sit down and you take a generous chug of your drink before you sign, I love it. It's so nice. My boss knows sign language and they gave me this little device that lets me type in something and the device says it out loud.
Levi's eyebrows rise; he's impressed. "That's good," he murmurs, because as much as you must like the job, accessibility is still a massive priority. "You already got new books?"
You grin. Obviously.
"Let me guess. You get an employee discount?"
You shrug sheepishly. Not yet, you sign. After a few months on the job.
He hums. "Does that mean no new books for a few months?"
Hell no.
"I figured. When's your shift tomorrow?" You hold up eight fingers, then two. "I'm off at four," Levi says. "I can see if I can get off early and pick you up. I'll bring tea."
You beam, then sign, don't bother. I'll curl up in a corner and read.
At this rate, he's never going to see you; you're going to live at work. "I'll text you," he says.
You nod. Your smile softens slightly, and you reach for his hand. You squeeze, then withdraw so that you can sign, I was worried, but I think I'm going to be okay.
Levi wonders how you, who deserves everything good in this world and then some, got such a horrible deal with the universe. Stupid fucking universe. "I'm glad," he murmurs. "I think so too. We're going to be okay."
We're going to be okay, you echo.
He kisses you. It's chaste, but he kisses you again on the forehead before he pulls back. "Want me to make dinner?"
You nod vigorously, signing your gratitude, and Levi stands up and heads to the kitchen. You put on some music, and for the next few hour, the two of you cook, clean, and read. It's a simple meal, but you don't complain. It's a simple life, but he's got nothing to be upset about.
Life's simple. And that feels like a good thing.
.
Déjà vu, however, is a weird thing.
People define it as experiencing a situation that it feels like you've felt before. Levi always says that's bullshit, because how can something he's never done feel familiar? It's stupid, and society's need to label every weird inexplicable feeling bothers him once again.
So what would he call this then, if not déjà vu?
He's not sure. It's definitely never happened before because he's never been in your workplace before- SCOUTS reads the massive sign above the door- and he can't remember the last time he ever bought more than one tea. He catches the door with his foot as someone leaves, glaring at the cups in his hands as if daring them to spill. Is he allowed to bring these in here?
The door closes behind him, and Levi pauses to survey the bookstore. He can tell immediately why you like it: it's cozy. Floor to ceiling bookshelves, filled to the brim. Soft music he can barely hear. Aisles that seem to go on forever.
Let's see. If he were you...
Again: he's never been here before. But it feels like he has, because he thinks he knows where to go.
He weaves between bookshelves and up a flight of stairs, eyes trained on the window ahead of him. Sure enough, there you are, curled up in a cozy little reading nook, eyes locked on the pages of a book in your hands. There's a small stack of books on the floor next to you.
You're so engrossed in your read that you don't see him until he's basically right next to you. When you look up and your eyes brighten up, Levi thinks he's going to melt.
Your smile rivals a million suns as you set your book down and sign out I missed you!!
He wonders how on Earth he struck such a jackpot with you. "Dare I ask if you found anything you like?" he muses, glancing at the pile next to you.
You grin sheepishly, and after a moment, you close the book you were reading and add it to the pile. You wave two hands at it as if to say ta da.
His lips twitch. "Trade," he says, and he offers you one of the cups of tea.
Thank you is the sign you repeat a million times before you finally accept the cup of tea. You take the second one too, just so Levi has his arms free to pick up your fuck that's heavy stack of books. When you make it to the desk, you tap him with your credit card.
He ignores you. "Card," he tells the cashier, and he taps his own. He looks to you, and you're pouting. "Sorry. Couldn't hear you."
Your jaw drops and you set the tea down so that you can sign every obscenity you have in your sign language vocabulary. The cashier looks mildly confused but Levi just bids her a thank you, takes the heavy bag from her, and holds the door open for you so that you can leave.
"Don't spill it," he scolds when he notices you're still trying to sign at him with two cups in your hands. He takes his and you immediately smack him with your free hand. "I just bought you books," Levi complains.
Yes, and I love you for it, and you're lucky you're cute or else that wouldn't be funny, you sign, cup tucked into your arm to try and make your signing work.
Did he read that right? Did you just say you loved him?
He stares for a moment. "I love you," Levi says.
You stop. For a moment, the two of you are paused in the middle of the sidewalk. He watches as your lips part, and for a second, it looks like you're trying to say something. But nothing comes out, and tears spark in your eyes, and you look frustrated, and...
His eyes soften. "I know," he murmurs.
He gets it: signing isn't enough sometimes. You blink furiously, and with a sigh, Levi carefully pulls you into his chest. He's got a bag of books and a tea in either hand, which makes it difficult, but you tuck yourself into your chest like you fit perfectly, face pressing into his shoulder.
The two of you stand in the middle of the sidewalk for a while, hugging and swaying back and forth. Levi's never considered himself one for public affection, but this, he feels like he could do forever.
Eventually, you pull back. Your eyes are red. Sorry, you sign.
"Don't apologize," Levi murmurs, wishing he didn't have so much in his hands so that he could hug you properly. "Don't. Let's get home, I'll make you food."
You stare at him for a second, then nod. You don't say anything the entire way back.
Levi does the best he can: he cooks, he runs you a bath, he helps you with your physio. But you've become quiet since getting home. He doesn't like seeing you not... chipper. Optimistic. And he'd never blame you if you were, given your circumstances, but it's just not how he's used to seeing you.
Nothing in his arsenal seems to work, because he reads to you and cuddles with you for well over an hour before the two of you eventually decide to go to bed. I'm fine, you sign to him repeatedly, with a smile that clearly indicates the opposite, but Levi's not quite sure how to force a better answer out of you.
It's times like this he wishes he could read your mind, Levi thinks as he slips into bed next to you. See exactly what's going on, what's so difficult to communicate.
Maybe tomorrow. Maybe you'll be up to talking about it tomorrow.
Levi wakes up at some point- 1:54am, his phone tells him- and you're not in bed. That's unusual. Levi sits himself up, frowning; the door is open and he can see light in the hallway.
He swings his legs off the bed and pushes himself to his feet. Maybe you just can't sleep and you're making tea or something? He'd call out, but you wouldn't be able to answer. Levi looks out of the bedroom and sees the light is on in the bathroom down the hall.
Quietly, he moves down the hallway. He pauses when he sees you in the bathroom, glaring at yourself in the mirror.
Your lips are moving. You're trying to talk.
Something breaks in Levi's chest. You haven't noticed him yet: you're too intent on staring at your lips in the mirror, trying to speak, but nothing more than a thin wheeze is coming out.
You're mouthing I love you. Fuck, he can't watch you like this.
He nudges the door slightly to make his presence known, and you spin around. Immediately, shame crosses your face, and Levi hates himself for some stupid reason. "I'm sorry," he murmurs. "Shit. I'm sorry."
He's not entirely sure what he's apologizing for, but you're covering your mouth with one hand and blinking away tears and he hates seeing you upset. "Come here," Levi whispers, and you sink into him, your forehead dropping into his shoulder. He wraps his arms around you and holds tight as your body shakes; you're crying.
If he could change places with you, he would. Levi would take your mutism in a heartbeat.
The hug lasts for all of ten seconds before you push yourself off of him. Your hands are a blur. I love you. I love you and I want to tell you that. This isn't enough. This isn't enough.
Levi feels like someone's taking a sledgehammer to his heart. None of this is fair. What makes it worse is that there's nothing he can do about it. It's a problem with no solutions that are good enough. You can write things down, you can learn sign language- but none of it measures up.
He's never seen you this emotional. You deserve better, you sign.
Now, he has to step in. "Don't talk like that," he murmurs. "I don't. 'Better' is subjective."
You deserve to be told every day how incredible you are, you're signing, hands moving so wildly that you nearly smack your elbow off the wall. You deserve to hear how perfect you are. You deserve-
"Enough," Levi interrupts. "You- you tell me every day. Hey, Bees- hey," he says, because you're still signing away. "I hear it from you every single day."
You're frustrated as you sign, but you don't hear it.
If he could take on all of your anxiety, all of your frustration- he would. "I hear you," Levi insists, touching your arm. "Maybe not in the language you want me to hear you in, but I hear you. I do."
Your arms drop. Then, I'm sorry. I want to do more for you.
"Don't be sorry," Levi murmurs, reaching up to brush your hair out of your face. "Keep apologizing and I'll burn your books."
Your jaw drops and you punch him in the arm. "I'm kidding," he says quickly, and you punch him again. "But seriously. It's okay."
Your hands start to move. It's not. You deserve-
He grabs your hands. "Hey," Levi says firmly. "Stop. None of that."
You glare at him, blinking back tears. He's still holding your hands, so you can't talk. He hates that- that if either of you want to hold hands or hold each other, you suddenly can't communicate. He doesn't like doing this- shutting you up.
But right now, he feels like it's necessary. "What I deserve," he says, "is much less than what you give me."
You shake your head furiously. "I'm serious," Levi says, but you're still shaking your head at him. "I am. You're incredible. Back in the hospital, I would count down the minutes until I could see you next. I'm serious," he repeats, because you're still shaking your head and he hates that. "Bees, I fell in love with you the second I saw you."
Now, you finally stop. Your eyes are glittering. Your stupid, beautiful eyes that reeled him in in the first place.
"I knew what I was getting into." Levi lets go of your hands and brushes his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping away tears. "I know what I'm getting into," he emphasizes, holding your face in his hands. "And every day I have with you makes... makes life worth living. You said I saved you, but you saved me too."
You're still trembling. Levi inhales, and you breathe with him. Deep breath in, deep breath out.
"You make me feel loved every single time you look at me," Levi murmurs. "You don't need to say it. I know."
I still want to say it, you sign weakly.
He sighs. "I know. The... if the universe thing is all real, with fate and everything," he says lamely, but your lips quirk up slightly so he rambles on, "then the universe is a damn fickle bitch for making you mute."
You look better now: your breathing is under control and the tiny smile on your face makes Levi feel a whole lot better about his comforting abilities. You raise your hands, then pause, thinking; finally, you come up with something.
If my voice is the price I had to pay to the universe to meet you, you sign, sniffling, then I'd pay it again in an instant.
Now, Levi wonders if it's possible for his breaking heart to explode. "I would never ask you to," he says.
You wouldn't have to.
"I would trade places," he says, meaning it with every fiber of his being. "I'd rather be mute instead."
I wouldn't, you sign. I wouldn't trade.
His eyebrows furrow. "I don't like talking anyways."
Your gaze softens. But then I wouldn't get to hear you say you love me.
"So we're at a stalemate, then," Levi murmurs.
You nod, sniffling. He rests a hand on your face, feeling the warmth of your cheek in his palm.
There's a pause. He thinks you're doing better now- less stressed. Which is good. "It's kind of ironic," he says. "Both of us want to be in your position."
Out of love, you sign. You love me and I love you. We want the best for each other.
"Love," Levi echoes. He still can't completely wrap his head around it.
We'll be okay. Your motions are fluid and easy to understand- a stark difference from the choppiness of your signs earlier. With love, you get what you give.
"You get what you give," he repeats. "Not always."
Not always, but with the two of you, yes. Levi's never once doubted that you feel any less about him than he does about you.
You smile. It comes back, you sign, eyes watery. If you give it, you'll get it. Love always comes back.
"Always?"
Always.
His lips twitch slightly. "That's not going to be a problem coming from me," Levi murmurs. "Never felt like this in my life. I love you. And I will every day."
You don't even bother signing; all you do is nod. When Levi pulls you in and kisses you, he can feel the dampness on your cheeks and the softness of your lips against his and your hands on his jaw and he, for once, thinks he disagrees with you. He's not sure love comes back, but he thinks love grows. Like a tree with deep roots and thick branches and leaves and flowers and fruit.
He knows love grows because he thinks he loves you more every single time he sees you. Levi kisses you one last time, then kisses you on the cheek. "I love you."
You let go of his face. I love you, you sign, one quick signal.
It's hard. The barrier is hard, and both of you know it. But Levi knew what he was in for and he can't imagine backing out of loving you for something as stupid as you not being able to speak. You're so much more than just your voice or lack thereof.
You'll be okay. You both will. He knows it.
.
It's not always easy, but life gets easier. One day at a time.
Having some sort of schedule and routine has helped the two of you immensely. Work, therapy, and scheduled dinner times where the two of you always eat together, no matter what.
You find different ways to tell him you love him. You draw it onto his bare chest when you're cuddling on the couch. You write small notes that you tuck into his bag before he heads to work. You text him throughout the day.
Levi loves it. He starts getting creative when he can: he sends flowers to your workplace with a note, he shoots you texts whenever he gets a chance, and he starts getting into baking when he finds out you've got a sweet tooth.
The city has started fully recovering. Subways are being rebuilt. Some construction in the center of the city has started. The first month or so after the meteor was dedicated to clearing out the destruction and assessing the damage, then ensuring what remained could still be functional for the time being. Now, it's time to rebuild.
Building. That's what it feels like him and you are doing. Every single day, he's learning something new about you, and every single day, he falls a little more in love with you.
Life is just so...
You'd think that something as monumental and catastrophic as a meteor strike would be grounds for his life going up in flames. Losing the only people that really made life worth living.
But with you, it all feels easy. Manageable.
There's a level of comfort that Levi's achieved with you that he doesn't think he's ever had with anyone, ever. He can tell you anything. He tells you about Isabel and Farlan, and you cry like you knew them personally. He feels heard. He feels seen.
He wonders what love really is, anyway.
If you'd asked him before the incident, he would've said it didn't exist.
But you're full of it. You're full of love for the books you read, for the rain and the rainbows that appear outside your window after a storm, for the food you eat, for the flowers he gets you. You have so much appreciation for the world.
You're full of love for him, too. Anyone on the receiving end of your love would have to be the most special person in the world.
That's how he feels, anyway.
"Hey," Levi murmurs one day when you're sitting at the window. "What're you doing?"
Watching the rain, you sign back to him, smiling. There's going to be a rainbow.
"You're sure?"
I have a good feeling.
He can't help it. "Want to go outside?" he asks. "Wait for it?"
Your eyes light up. Levi thinks you're the best thing that's ever happened to him. You nod, and hand in hand, the two of you head downstairs to go sit out in the rain.
.
The roof of your apartment is your favorite spot to be for sunset, now that it's gotten warmer.
Levi can't blame you. The lack of intensely massive skyscrapers in the middle of the city means there's a lot more visibility, and while Levi is sure that once they get further along with rebuilding that the view won't be quite as nice, he's keen to enjoy it while it lasts.
It's become a bit of a routine for the two of you. You'll come back from work, sometime in the afternoon. You try to help Levi with dinner and he brushes you off, insisting you go read, so you come up here. He comes up with food when it's ready, and the two of you eat and watch the sunset.
Tonight, though, the two of you grabbed food while you were out, so dinner's not on the menu. Just your company, which is more than enough for Levi.
He gets to the roof to see you in your usual place. What's not usual is that your book is closed and resting on the ground next to the bench you're sitting on. "Hey," he says when he's close enough.
You look to him, eyes glowing. Fuck, he loves you. You beam and he leans down, kissing you, before he sits down next to you. "Finish your book?" he asks, and you nod. "How was it?"
Great, you sign with a happy smile. I loved it. Worth the wait.
Levi rolls his eyes slightly. "Good ending to the trilogy?"
Yep.
"Took you a long time to get through it."
Yeah, because I thought you'd want to read it together.
"You normally read these things in one sitting. I physically can't sit and read to you for twelve hours straight- you'd go behind my back to read it."
You pout as if to say why not. Levi's lips twitch. He grabs your hand and laces your fingers, bringing your knuckles up to his mouth so he can kiss them.
You smile. Levi smiles in return. You tip your head onto his shoulder, casting your gaze out onto the setting sun.
He's never really had a thing for sunsets, not until you. They happen every day. But there's something about watching them with you that makes them special. Making it's the way that the golden colors make your skin glow.
You sign something. He misses it completely- he was too busy staring at you. "Sorry," he murmurs. "One more time?"
Your hands rise again. What are the odds?
"What are the odds?" Levi repeats, and you nod. "Odds of what?" You point between you and him. "Odds of us? Odds of us meeting?" A nod. "I don't know. Slim."
You live far away. I was so busy, you sign, smiling at him. We never would've met if it wasn't for...
You stop, frowning, then mime something crashing to the ground and an explosion with your hands. "If it wasn't for the meteor," Levi guesses, and you nod. "Yeah. I guess."
He thinks you're right. Maybe that's the silver lining in all of this. If he could go back: miss his train to Paradis, stay in his city. Would he? No, he doesn't think so. Isabel and Farlan wouldn't be here either way, and without all of this...
Yeah. He wouldn't have met you.
A meteor strike. He found you, someone that makes him smile even when he doesn't want to, someone with no voice but a million things to say, someone that's so... funny, and exciting, and optimistic, despite it all. Someone that makes him want to get up every day. He found you because of a meteor strike.
Levi's smiling now, he thinks, because the beaming smile on your face rivals the strength of the sun, and it's hard not to smile in return.
"What are the odds," he echoes.
You beam.