Chapter Text
Intermission between nights
He had seen him run.
Not alone.
Joseph sat at his table. Book in front of him. He hadn't slept since the Junior Deputy escaped. He had been missing. No one had spotted him.
He didn't know where he was.
He would still be in Hope County.
Joseph knew.
He knew.
Folding his hands, resting his head against them, eyes closed. The shirt feeling tight. Chest closed from the world. His eyelids shut. No light would get in.
Joseph could not let it. He needed to feel it. That reassurance. Deep inside him. There was the trust he had been given. But he couldn't. Something made him feel... almost.. almost lost.
His connection hadn't wavered.
It hadn't faltered.
And yet... it was silent.
Not when he spoke. Then it was strong. His faith unyielding. If light came to him, surrounded him, he was not afraid and not to be stopped.
He could trust.
But right now.
Right now he felt the same way he felt when the Junior Deputies hand hat touched his shoulder. Had lead him through the night. When he was among his own and Joseph cut off from his. A quiet had spread inside his soul. Or had his voice just been pulled away from him. He had felt his faith, strong and certain. But at that moment he also had felt alone. Alone with him.
Alone amidst all of it.
Only fire had cleansed that connection.
They hadn't listened.
He could still feel the burning in his chest when they told him what they did. That they chased after him. Ir hadn't been his command nor his request. But their faith in him, their devotion let them do to things not asked. And he could not punish it.
Jacob and John, certainly would.
Steps echoed in the hall leading to his room.
Old wood creaking.
“Step in.”
His voice strong. More so than he had expected.
Door pushed open. Reggie standing there, a tray in hand. “Father, you have missed supper. I thought you might..” His voice quiet down as the father motioned him to.
Letting him put the tray on the table.
A simple meal. As he liked it. Reggie had cut thick slices of bread, as he knew the Father enjoyed it. “We had some luck, the chickens laid perfect eggs,” he tried to start a little chit chat. Joseph eyed him. His bright, curly disheveled hair.
He hadn't slept either.
“That is wonderful to hear.”
Reggie gave him a hopeful smile. Already taking distance to the table. Caught between the door and his desire to stay. For a brief moment both had their own wishes. Joseph not following through in his desire to be alone. If his child needed his undivided attention he would give it, freely. And so he turned in his chair. Meeting Reggie's gaze. A smile on his lips.
“What is on your mind?”
The slight straightening of posture. Like a joyful hop without motion. Desperation even. “Nightmares,” he whispered. Not raising his voice, no going even more quiet. It made Joseph listen more. “Nightmares?” “Yes, Father.”
He got up.
“What happens in those Nightmares of yours?”
Reggie looked at him.
“I dream of Eden.” Joseph smiled a bit. Biting back the wishful comment that this would not be of any fuel for nightmares. “I have dreamed of it since a few weeks. It was beautiful.” His smile is serene, calm. Before it plummets. “It has been six nights now. Every night I fall asleep and I awake in Eden. It grows and rots before my very eyes. With every step it takes, it regrows and then it rots away once more.”
Hands grabbing onto each other. A shiver in his voice.
Joseph watched him, slowly stepping closer.
“What takes the steps?”
“I am not sure. It is white and bright but it has empty eyes. No form I could see. And as it steps, it never stops it never strays.” He looked up at Joseph. “And I awake. At three before midnight. Like clockwork.” “Do you fall asleep after?” He shakes his head. “I feel the rot take hold of my flesh when I see it. It doesn't let go of me until the next night. For the brief moment that I am granted hope to fall asleep without any dreams.”
Joseph put his hands on his cheeks. “My child. You are afraid.”
His eyes wide, swallowing the words to just nod in answer. Waiting for the Father to help. To speak words that would bring him calm. Peace. Safety. That smile blossoming hope.
“Are you questioning our mission?”
Reggie shook his head.
“Do you fear Eden could not be enough for you?”
Another time he shook his head.
Joseph gave his cheek a gentle squeeze. “Then don't fear. Believe when I say Eden won't rot away.” His hands leaving him. Taking one of the hard boiled eggs. Smiling. “They truly are perfect.” His gaze going back to the young man. “And so will Eden be. The next time you fall asleep, do not fear whatever plagues your mind. Have faith it is mere lies conjured by uncertain times and fears.”
Reggie looked at him. Nodding. Slow. Maybe uncertain or at least thinking about the words.
“I want you to meet, whatever it is that comes to you in your dreams, head on. Speak to it truthfully and with all you have. Tell it to leave and it shall leave.” “Yes Father.” “Now go and sleep.” His gaze going to the food, before nodding. Turning to leave.
Halfway through the door he spoke to Reggie a last time: “You are forgiven for your over excitement. Do not let it cloud your mind any further, my child.”
“Y-Yes Father.”
His voice shaky. Door closed shut with the utmost care.
The tray stayed where it had been put.
Joseph had lost himself in reading the scripture. He knew he had not stopped on his own volition, but when he awoke, the page he was on, was none he remembered reading before drifting away into sleep.
His mind was full of pictures.
He had dreamed many of them. Reggie's retelling had spun around in his mind, he could tell. Sitting up on his bed. Eyeing the pages.
Feeling the passages beneath his fingertip.
Light trickling through the dusty window. Hovering over them, as memories of his dreams came flooding back. The rotting of plants. The burning of fields.
Growth of something new.
Closing his eyes. Reliving it to the best of his ability. Seeing the green vibrant hues. The bright blue sky. Feel the sun on his skin.
The steps that came closer.
Frowning, eyes not opening. Letting it come back over him. Sleep still so near, it could graze his soul. A cloud growing in the sky. White and perfectly still. At it's foot, a lamb stood. Meeting his gaze as it looked up.
Grey eyes.
Endless.
And then it left. Turned around behind the hill it just had stood upon. The cloud dispersing. Scattering gentle over the blue sky and all he felt was peace.
And quiet.
And emptiness.
Opening his eyes to his quiet room.
Closing the book.