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Farah hates hospitals. She hates the smell of them, the sight of those dreary walls, the sounds of people suffering within those four walls. To her, hospitals were places of death, a place she did everything possible to avoid. Prefering to patch herself up rather than seek any medical help. Even just the mere mention of a hospital made her feel on edge, worse than any combat did. It was her firm belief that nothing good ever happens in hospitals. Yet here she is, willingly spending every spare moment she had, switching between constant pacing and sitting perfectly still, not daring to make a sound.
When she had learned that Price and his men had found Alex, she had prepared herself to fully mourn the man. The rational part of her had already buried the man the moment he detonated the bomb, destroying the factory. The fact that she now had the chance to actually bury the man shook something deep in her, something she had previously been afraid to say out loud.
Farah wanted to reach out to Price, to learn when and where they planned to bury the American. The least she could do was honour the man one last time, considering all he did for her country. Price reached her first, explaining that Alex had somehow managed to survive. He was badly wounded, mostly in one piece but miraculously alive. There were no words that could describe what she felt at that moment, a mix of happiness and dread, relief and fear. If he was alive, would he want to see her or would he blame her for the state he was in? Losing a leg was not a small thing and she already felt responsible for all of it.
The sudden onslaught of emotions left her speechless, unable to respond to Price as he called out from the phone, as she tried to process the information she was just told. It was only after she touched one of her cheeks, in an attempt to push the hair away from her face, did she realise they were wet. Without even realising, she had started crying at the news. Farah could count on one hand the amount of times she cried in her life. Her Baba’s death being the most painful one. Yet it seems she could now add this moment to her short list as well.
Price was already waiting at the hospital when she got there, ready to take her to the room where they had placed Alex. The expression on his face was grim but he did try and give her a smile when he saw her approaching.
Her first reaction when she saw Alex was to flinch. To see such a man who in her memories radiated so much vitality and energy, be reduced to an unconscious body which needed help to breathe was almost unbearable to Farah. The space where his missing leg should have been would haunt her dream, she already knew.
An empty chair was placed next to the bed, waiting for someone to sit down and keep the unconscious man company. She immediately took the spot. From the position she was sitting, Farah could see numerous bandages peeking under the hospital gown he was dressed in.
Price approached her from the side, laying one of his hands on her shoulders, making her look up at him.
“The doctors say he’s gonna be fine. The operation went fine and he’s just sleeping of the pain meds now. There were periods when he would wake up but he’s always fall back asleep. He’s been asking for you every time he woke up.”
“For me?”
“Yes. I got in contact as soon as I could. I’m gonna give you some space. Could use a smoke actually. Bloody doctors don’t allow smoking inside. You take care of yourself, Farah.”
“Thank you Price.”
He nodded at her and squeezing her shoulder one last time, left the room, leaving Farah alone with her thoughts. Now it was just her and Alex. She practised all the things she wanted to say in her head so many times on the way here, yet the moment she was left alone with him, none of them seemed enough.
Farah could feel the walls starting to close in. Hoping to prevent any more tears from making an appearance as well as try to regain her cool, she gently took one of his hands into her and silently started praying. Prayers seemed so foreign on her tongue as it had been a while since she prayed but she could still remember the way words flowed out of Baba’s and Mama’s tongues. She knew Alex did not share the same faith as she did, she didn’t even know if he was religious, but those familiar words were as much of a comfort for her as they were meant for him.
Time slowly ticked by. There was no clock in the room so she wasn’t sure how much time had actually passed. Farah was on the edge of falling asleep when a movement from the bed vanished any exhaustion from her. Her eyes watched as Alex slowly woke up. When he tried to rise, she was quick to put a hand on his chest to prevent him from moving too much. Wanting to be helpful and still unsure on what to say, she pushed around a few pillows hoping to make him more comfortable. Alex laid back down, now sitting up a bit more straight but still a bit dazed.
“Farah?” His speech was a bit slurred.
“Hello Alex, it’s good to see you again.”
“Why do I feel so weird?”
“They gave you some heavy pain medication. That’s why you’re a bit loopy.”
“But why?” he asked, still not fully comprehending what was happening around him.
Farah didn’t know how to respond to that. She didn’t know how much he was already aware of or what she could say. So she decided to play it safe. She took back his hand into hers and looked at him, a gentle smile on her face.
“Alex, what do you remember?” It took him a while to respond as it was obvious he was trying to fill in the blanks in his memory.
“Not sure. Does it have something to do with my leg?”
“They had to cut it off. You lost your leg.”
“Did I lose it by doing something stupid?”
“Yes. You did something very, very stupid.”
“Did it have something to do with you?”
“Also yes and I’m so sorry…”
“That it wasn’t for something stupid. If it was for you then it sure was worth it.”
The determination in his voice as he said it left her speechless. Here he is, with one leg gone, recovering from a traumatic injury, yet he could say something like that with such confidence.
“You are a fool Alex.”
“Yes ma’am. Whatever you say.”
A hint of a southern accent coloured his voice as he uttered the last part of the sentence. Farah just gently shook her head as he spoke. Neither said anything after that. There was no awkwardness between them, they just had nothing to say to each other, for now at least.
After a while, a young nurse came in to give him a new round of IV and pain medication. The new dose made him a bit more sedated but he did not fall asleep, just went quiet. It was at that point that both Gaz and Price showed up, both wanting to see how he was doing. At that point the meds really had time to get into his system and the smile he gave both of them was loopy. The look in his eyes was not as it was before. Farah could spot the difference but the two men were obvious, as this was the first time he was awake during their visit.
“How are you doing man? You feeling alright?”
“Gaz, hey buddyy.'' The smile was back, a bit loopy.
“How are you doing mate? You scared the shit out of us.”
“I’m great.”
“Yeah? Farah taking good care of you?”
“Yess. She’s been taking great care of me. Isn’t she the best?”
The two Brits laughed at that. Even Farah laughed a bit, the tense feeling in her chest easing a little bit. Price shook his head, a smile peeking under his moustache.
“That she is son, that she is.”
Frah felt a faint blush appear on her cheek, but she acted as if the words did not affect her at all. Why would it affect her, these were just some silly words spoken by two men, probably as some kind of a joke. The confirmation from Price seems to spur Alex to continue talking. This time when he spoke, he looked to the side straight at Farah.
“You’re really pretty, you know? Has anyone ever told you that?”
This time there was no way she could even try and hide the blush that covered her face. Words failed to form as she tried to gather her thoughts. Out of all the things she expected Alex to say, this was definitely not one of them. From the side of her eye she could see both Price and Gaz cracking up. It seems they found Alex’s drugged musings quite hilarious. Alex didn’t pay them any attention, he just kept talking as if he was talking about the weather.
“Hey, want me to tell you a secret? But you got to promise not to tell anyone.”
“I promise.”
She answered. Using his free hand, he gestured for her to get closer. Farah leaned forward, just a bit. Alex cupped his mouth with the free hand, as she was still holding the other one, and leaned a bit himself, as if he was about to reveal some big, important secret.
“My mother would have loved you. I can just tell.”
Farah leaned back, blinking in surprise. No words were coming to her. The loud sound of laughing proved to be just the distraction she needed. She looked at the two men, who were dying from laughter. They tried to compose themselves under Farah’s glare but even when they tried to act serious, their shoulders were still shaking from restrained laughter. When they had managed to somewhat compose themselves, Price put his hat back on and tapped Gaz on his shoulder.
“Guess this is our sign to leave. Take care Alex.”
“Yeah, see ya man.”
With that, the room had two less people. Alex seemed unfazed by their exit, his eyes never straying from Farah.
“Did you really mean it?”
“What’”
“Did you really mean what you said before?”
“Oh yeah totally. She would have loved you to bits. To be honest, I think you’d become her favourite the moment she’d meet you.”
“How? I’m just…”
“You. You are just you. And that’s exactly why she would love you.”
He twisted his hand slightly and squeezed her hand. The contact made her look up from the spot she had been previously staring at. The serious look in his eyes made any objections she wanted to voice stop.
“Can I tell you another secret?”
“Yes.” came out as barely a whisper.
“I always wanted to take you to my home. My parents would have loved you, especially my mom. She always said it would take a special kind of girl to knock some sense into me. And now I really want to take you home for the holidays, so I can finally show them that I did find that girl.”
“Alex…”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I had to say it at least once.”
“Alex…”
“And please Commander, ignore what I-”
“Alex!”
This time she yelled it. The sudden yell stopped him in his track. The anger in her voice also made him pause. Realising that a hospital room was not the best place to yell, Farah took in a few breaths, counted to ten and looked at Alex, wanting to make sure that they maintained eye contact the whole time.
“There is nothing that will make me think less of you, especially not this. And I will not ignore what you just said. I just need you to listen to me. Listen.”
She placed a palm over his cheek, gently turning his face fully towards her so that he could not avoid her eyes. His facial hair brushing the sensitive skin as she gently stroked his cheekbone. Farah needed Alex to hear everything.
“I don’t have an answer I can give you. Not yet at least. But I will have it some day. So until that day comes when I’ll be able to give you a proper response, a response you deserve, I want you to stay with me, fight with me, laugh with me. Can I count on you to stay by my side until that day?”
“Yes Ma’am. Yes I can.”
The recovery will take time and neither knows what might happen in the future, be it immediate or far off. What they did know that if they just took one step at the time, they could handle anything life throws at them. Baby steps indeed.