Chapter Text
Sam, Dean, and Cas stared at the spot that had once been their long-awaited doorway to home.
“Damn it, damn it,” Dean yelled, and he began to punch one of the tree trunks, “damn it, god fucking damn it.”
Sam grasped Dean’s arm and gently stopped him from punching the tree. Without thinking, he kissed Dean’s bloody knuckles.
“It’s okay, Dean,” he said in a soft voice.
“No, it’s not okay. How the hell are we supposed to get home now?”
“You should have left me behind,” Cas said.
“Cas, I swear, I’m gonna beat the crap out of you if you don’t stop.”
Cas went silent, but he glared. Dean glared back at him. Meanwhile, Sam searched his mind for ideas on how to get to Earth. He thought of Ajay, the rogue reaper who had gotten him to Purgatory in the first place. If only Sam could contact him, maybe he could offer him more future favors in exchange for a way home. A desperate play suddenly occurred to Sam; he hated to encourage any potential psychic abilities, but maybe, if he really tried, he could use his mind to contact Ajay. When they had made their deal, Ajay had said he would pick Sam and the others up in twenty-four hours or not at all, but maybe Sam could persuade him.
“Just hold on a sec,” he told Dean and Cas. They exchanged a curious glance.
After taking a deep breath, Sam closed his eyes. He pictured Ajay with intense focus. He allowed the image of him to grow larger than anything else in his mind.
“Ajay,” Sam called out with his thoughts. “Ajay, this is Sam Winchester. Ajay, I need your help.” Nothing happened, but Sam kept trying. “Ajay,” he thought vehemently, “AJAY.”
“Sam Winchester?”
Sam heard Ajay’s voice in his head and was both disturbed and relieved.
“Ajay,” Sam thought to him, “I need your help.”
“My goodness, you aren’t still in Purgatory, are you?”
“Yes. Can you get us out?”
“No can do. I’ve gone back to reaping by the book. No side jobs.”
“Couldn’t you make an exception? I can pay with however many favors you want.”
“Like I said, I’ve gone straight. But I hope you find a way out.”
Sam felt Ajay’s presence in his mind pull away as though he had been hung up on.
“Damn it,” Sam exclaimed as his eyes popped open.
Dean looked at him with confusion and frustration. Cas cocked his head to the side, his face puzzled.
“Okay, there’s someone else I can try,” Sam said, then took another deep breath and closed his eyes again. This time, he pictured Rowena, the witch responsible for determining that Dean and Cas were in Purgatory. She had implied that she couldn’t get him to Purgatory, but she was clearly very powerful and knowledgeable; Sam figured it was worth a try. Perhaps she would have an idea.
“Rowena MacLeod,” Sam called out with his mind.
“Samuel Winchester,” he heard Rowena’s voice inside his mind reply an instant later, “my, what a pleasant surprise.”
“Rowena,” Sam silently communicated, “we’re trapped in Purgatory. Can you help? I can trade as many future favors as you want.”
“Oh, I’m sure I couldn’t do something like that,” she said coyly, “but do you still have that wee coin I gave you?”
“The coin, of course,” Sam thought to her. He dug into his backpack, searching urgently for the item.
“What the hell are you doing, Sammy?”
“Just hold on, Dean.”
Sam found the magic coin Rowena had given him and removed it from his bag. He could hardly believe he had forgotten about it.
“Do you remember how to use it, dear?”
“Yes.”
Sam squeezed the coin tightly in his hand.
“Tutum,” he spoke aloud with determination. After a pause, he felt the coin begin to move inside his clasped hand. He unballed his fist and the coin came flying out. It floated to the air above them as though it was looking down on them, assessing the situation. Rowena had said that the coin would only help if it deemed the situation dire enough. Sam hoped the coin could tell how much they needed its assistance. He hoped it could sense how hard they had worked to get to the human portal and how crushed they were that it hadn’t saved them.
After a few long, tense minutes, the coin floated to the spot where the human portal had been, and where it touched the empty air a new portal formed. The new portal was made of softly swirling purple light. The breeze that it created was gentle and smelled like lilacs.
“Cas, try,” Dean said nervously.
Cas obeyed this time, cautiously stepping forward; his leg passed through the light to the other side. Slowly, he stepped his other foot inside, and the portal allowed it. Standing at the inner edge of the passageway, he looked back at Sam and Dean with a face of relief.
“Fuck yes,” Dean exclaimed. “Sammy, tell me later how the hell you did that.” Eagerly, he grasped Sam’s hand and they followed Cas through the purple portal to Earth.
“Thank you so much, Rowena,” Sam thought as he passed through the opening.
“You’re welcome, Samuel. ‘Til next time, dear,” she replied, and then Sam felt her presence pull away from his mind.
~
The portal Rowena’s coin had created dropped Sam, Dean, and Cas off exactly where they needed to be: Benny’s grave in Louisiana. There Dean performed the ritual to reunite Benny’s soul with his bones. The ritual resurrected Benny, but he appeared pale and exhausted. As planned, Cas offered Benny his wrist to help him heal; angel blood was far more powerful than human blood and Benny looked better after just a few swallows.
When Benny was well, they rented a car and headed for Kansas City, Missouri, where Sam had left the Impala when Ajay took him to Purgatory. Dean complained about the rental car, unfavorably comparing it to the Impala in every way. Less than a half-hour into the drive, they came upon a restaurant and Dean joyfully pulled into its parking lot. Inside, he devoured two massive bacon cheeseburgers, a large order of fries, a large order of onion rings, and three pieces of apple pie. Sam decided to order a burger and a slice of pie too, in celebration, but he also had a side salad. Cas and Benny sat in front of untouched sodas while Sam and Dean ate. When Sam and Dean were done, they all climbed back in the car and resumed the drive.
Eventually, they reached the Impala. Dean enthusiastically greeted her, then lamented how dirty his Baby had gotten while sitting in front of Mabel’s Fry Shack for eight months. Sam promised he would help Dean wash the car when they got to Rufus’ cabin in Whitefish, Montana, where Sam and Dean had been staying before the nightmare had begun. They returned the rental car and Dean blissfully drove the Impala to Montana. When they were in Whitefish, the group made a stop at a grocery store to stock the cabin’s kitchen with fresh food. Dean wandered up and down the aisles with delight, overfilling their cart.
The cabin had two bedrooms tucked off to the side, but Sam and Dean had never slept in them because they were cluttered with cartons Rufus had stored there. When the group arrived at the cabin, however, they decided that they deserved real beds after sleeping on the ground for so long. Together, they moved all the cartons into the living room area.
“Thank fucking god,” Dean said when the rooms were clear. “I missed beds almost as much as Baby. And showers. And bacon cheeseburgers. And pie.” Sam smiled at him, charmed. “Cas,” Dean continued, “I know you don’t sleep, but I thought you might like to lie down for a while in one of the bedrooms, you know, with Benny.”
Cas and Benny both smiled warmly.
“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said. “I’d love to. I’m sure Benny could use some sleep, and I very much enjoy cuddling with him.”
“He turned out to be a shockingly good cuddler,” Benny commented. Cas smiled, looking both pleased and self-conscious. “And after I’m rested,” Benny added, “well, I guess Cas and me gon’ haveta find another use for the bed.” Cas appeared embarrassed but elated. Sam was happy for them.
After Cas and Benny had gone to their room, Sam and Dean stood in silence in front of the other bedroom. There was only one bed. Sam thought about what Dean had repeatedly expressed in Purgatory: the sleep cuddling was to comfort each other while trapped in a cruel, frightening place. Whether or not Dean wanted to sleep in a bed with Sam now that they were home was unclear.
“So,” Sam finally said, “should we take turns sleeping on the bed?”
“No,” Dean replied, sounding wounded. He hesitated, then reached out and took Sam’s hand in his. “I’ve been waiting so long to hold you in a bed.”
Sam felt an aggressive wave of joy.
“Unless you don’t want to,” Dean added, tone vulnerable.
“I do want to,” Sam hurried to reply. He hoped the grin on his face didn’t look as goofy as it felt.
~
After they had each taken a turn in the shower, Sam and Dean climbed into bed. They were both wearing pajama pants but no tops. Sam felt nervous and euphoric. Under the covers, Dean snuggled close. He rested his head on Sam’s bare chest and Sam wrapped his arms around him.
“We made it home,” Dean spoke softly, awe in his tone.
Sam stroked Dean’s hair and his bare back.
“Yeah,” Sam murmured, “we did.”
At many points during their time in Purgatory, Sam had feared they wouldn’t make it, but they had. At last, they were safe. Safe and together. Full of gratitude, Sam gave Dean’s body a squeeze. Dean made a cozy sound – and then Sam felt Dean’s lips press to his skin. Sam drew in a sharp, startled breath.
“Dean?”
Dean lifted his head and gazed into Sam’s eyes with intensity. Looking back at Dean, Sam fell into the enchanting pools of green which contrasted against the white backgrounds of his sclerae, framed so perfectly by his lengthy, graceful lashes. The brothers stared at each other, not speaking, for too long.
“Sammy,” Dean finally replied, sounding like he was pretending not to be afraid, “remember when we, you know, when we kissed, the second time?”
“Of course I do.”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I wanted to say. Well, I wanted to say I’m sorry about how I kissed you and then kind of took it back. That wasn’t cool of me. I know that must have made you feel bad. And I never want to make you feel bad, Sammy.”
“Are you sorry because you wish you hadn’t kissed me in the first place, or are you sorry because you wish you hadn’t taken it back?”
There was a long pause.
“I,” Dean began shakily, “I wish I hadn’t taken it back. I, you and me, we, it’s just, it makes no sense but it, it feels right, you know? And maybe it’s wrong, 'cause we’re brothers, but it also kind of feels like it’s just the way it is and that’s that. Like, we are the way we are, and fighting it only brings us suffering. So, I think, I mean, I’ve been thinking, about us, and it definitely has to be a secret from everyone but Cas and Benny, but, but I do, I want to, and I promise I won’t take it back this time, 'cause I, I want us to be, to be, I mean –”
With glee, Sam took Dean’s face into his hands and kissed his lips tenderly, smothering his words. Dean made a soft sound of surprise, then kissed Sam back with the sweetest sort of passion. They opened their mouths to each other, and their tongues met. With dreamy movements, they pleasured each other’s mouths for long, decadent minutes that seemed to flow endlessly, each one a gift. Dean’s hands began to caress Sam’s shoulders and chest and stomach. As their kiss stretched hazily on, Sam stroked up and down Dean’s bare back. Sam buzzed with elation and arousal, and with love so profound that words could never express it.
When Sam finally pulled back from their kiss, he did so with a broad smile. Dean smiled back, then moved aside Sam’s long hair and brought his lips to Sam’s neck. Sam made a soft sigh when Dean kissed the skin. A shiver of sensual need ran through his form. He let himself treasure the plushness of the bed they shared, the clean coziness of the bedcoverings, and the treat that was the soft pillow beneath his head. These luxuries made Sam feel like a rich man after sleeping on the ground for eight months. Still, even more precious than the bed and its accessories was Dean’s mouth on his skin. He felt Dean kiss lines up and down the side of his neck, his lips lavishing attention on each and every spot. When he had coated one side of Sam’s neck with presses of his lips, Dean kissed gently across Sam’s throat and did the same to the other side. Sam’s cock grew hard beneath his pajama pants and he was embarrassed – but then Dean shifted his position slightly and Sam felt his brother’s erection press to his hip. They were both hard. They were hard for each other.
Dean moved his mouth to Sam’s shoulder and began to cover it with kisses. When he was done with the shoulder, he kissed his way down Sam’s arm, pressing his lips to Sam’s bicep, his forearm, his inner wrist. When he reached Sam’s hand, he kissed each of his fingertips, then sucked Sam’s first two fingers into his mouth.
“Dean,” Sam said urgently, sitting halfway up, “do you, do you want to fuck me?”
“Sammy,” Dean murmured when he had removed Sam’s fingers from his mouth, “just let me take care of you.”
Sam leaned back.
“Okay, Dean,” he replied, feeling small in the best possible way. Dean had always taken care of him, and Sam knew he always would.
After pressing a kiss to Sam’s palm, Dean moved to Sam’s other side and repeated the process – shoulder, arm, wrist, fingers, palm. When that was done, Dean began to cover Sam’s chest with kisses. He lingered at his nipples, running the tip of his tongue along the puckered areolae and passing the underside of his tongue over the firm nubs of flesh. He kissed all over Sam’s stomach, then began to lick lines over the skin.
“You are so fucking hot, Sammy.”
Sam was too overcome to thank him. He made a small, joyous sound in lieu of words and hoped Dean understood his meaning. Dean grinned at him in reply, then pushed the covers aside and arranged himself on his stomach with his head at Sam’s crotch. Sam’s heart beat wildly with anticipation. Dean gently pulled down the layered waistbands of Sam’s pajama pants and boxers; Sam’s large erection popped out from behind the fabric.
“Woah,” Dean exclaimed delightedly, “you are fucking huge.”
Sam felt himself flush. Dean removed Sam’s pajama pants and boxers and tossed them aside, then shed his own garments. Excitedly, Sam tried to get a peek at Dean’s erection, but Dean re-settled on his stomach too quickly.
“I mean, I knew from when we washed together in Purgatory that you were big,” Dean said with awe, “but man, seeing you hard, jeez, it’s enormous.”
“Do you,” Sam said nervously, “do you like it?”
Dean smirked.
“I am gonna show you just how much I like it,” and with that, Dean grasped Sam’s length and pressed his lips to the tip. Sam gasped at the moment of contact – he could hardly believe that Dean was touching his cock, let alone that he was kissing it. Dean was kissing his cock. Dean. Sam was so happy he nearly giggled, but he caught himself before the sound escaped his lips. Dean kissed the tip over and over, then extended his tongue and licked leisurely lines up the shaft. When he had covered every inch of the shaft with strokes of his tongue, he curled his hand around Sam’s width and lapped over and around the head. With the tip of his tongue, he teased the underside of the head, stimulating the sensitive area for many long, dreamy moments. He ran his tongue’s tip slowly along the edge that divided the head from the shaft, circling the firm flesh over and over. Eventually, he opened his hand and rubbed his palm up and down Sam’s length as he sucked just the head into his mouth. Sam bucked his hips involuntarily; in response, Dean gradually lowered his mouth onto Sam’s hardness, taking it all down.
“Fuck, oh god, Dean,” Sam panted, each syllable laden with passion.
Dean hummed around Sam’s dick and Sam moaned, then Dean began to raise and lower his head, taking the tip of Sam’s length down the back of his throat over and again. Sam made long, low sounds of ecstasy as his lust built. Dean’s mouth felt hot and perfect, and Sam never wanted the blow job to end. He held his eventual orgasm far away so he wouldn’t lose control and spill too soon down Dean’s tight throat. He reached down and stroked Dean’s hair and the back of his neck while Dean sucked him. Between bobs of his head, Dean swirled his tongue briskly over the head of Sam’s eager erection. Sam felt like he was melting into the bed below him, but also like he was melting into Dean; they were becoming one at last.
As the blow job stretched on, Sam’s orgasm began to nag at him with impatience, yearning to be allowed to form, longing to gather and peak and shoot from his overwhelmed cock. He held his release back, pushing it down because he didn’t want the sex act to end – but then Dean suddenly sped up, rushing his mouth on and off Sam’s hardness with rapid fervency, and Sam cried out and spilled his seed down Dean’s welcoming throat. He treasured the sheer bliss of his climax as it spread throughout his body, filling him with what felt like a glowing light. The light was hot, but not so hot as to burn; it was like being bathed in the bright sort of sunlight that never existed in Purgatory. The orgasm was unlike any Sam had experienced before, though he had received many blow jobs in his past. But, Sam realized, he had never before come with someone he was in love with. All his life, his body had been waiting for Dean.
After Dean had swallowed, he climbed up beside Sam, took his face into his hands, and kissed his lips for an intense moment.
“Was that good, Sammy? Did you like it?”
“Dean,” Sam exhaled, “it was amazing. I can’t, I can’t even explain how amazing it was.”
“Good,” Dean replied, sounding pleased and satisfied. “I always wanna make you feel good, Sammy.” He rested his head on Sam’s chest again and wrapped his arm around him. He pressed a single kiss to Sam’s skin. Sam held his brother in his arms, held onto him like a floating log in the ocean that was his vast afterglow. He thought about the fact that he had just come for Dean, and it brought a wide smile to his face. He felt hazy and dreamy as he stroked up and down Dean’s back. Dean snuggled against him and soon the brothers drifted into unconsciousness.
~
Sam and Dean were in Purgatory again, only there was an enormous, luxurious bed set amidst the trees. Sam and Dean were on the bed kissing each other’s lips tenderly. Suddenly, Sam remembered they were supposed to be finding their way to the portal.
“Should we get going? To the portal?”
“Later, Sammy. Don’t be scared. We’re safe.”
“What about all the monsters?”
“They can’t get us.”
Dean smiled, warmly and radiantly, and somehow Sam knew without a doubt that they were safe from the monsters. Safe from everything. Safe together. They stripped each other’s clothes with languid movements, kissing each other’s skin as it was revealed. When they were both nude, they pressed close, and they stayed that way.
Sam’s eyes fluttered open, and the sweet dream slipped away, but he found that reality was even sweeter; Dean was asleep in his arms, in a bed, on Earth, having recently made Sam come in his mouth. Their bodies were bare, and so near. With warm contentment, Sam stroked Dean’s hair. Dean stirred and his eyes opened.
“Sammy?”
“Yeah, Dean,” Sam whispered.
“I had a dream we were in bed together,” Dean began, “and then it was true.” He smiled widely, then kissed Sam’s lips with tenderness. Sam gave Dean’s body a squeeze, then glanced at the clock and saw they had been napping for about an hour. “Sammy,” Dean said in a cautious tone, “do you still want me to fuck you?”
“Yes,” Sam replied with intensity. “Please fuck me, Dean. I want your cock inside me.”
“Oh fuck,” Dean groaned. He opened the nightstand drawer and rooted around. “Aha,” he exclaimed triumphantly as he pulled a bottle of lubricant from the drawer. “Look what I found.” He began to slick his first two fingers.
“Yes,” Sam breathed, “touch me.” He hurried to flip over and settle on his stomach, exposing his ass to Dean. He felt Dean’s non-lubricated hand land softly on his cheek and caress its curve.
“Dean,” Sam whispered encouragingly.
“Your ass is so fucking sexy,” Dean told him. He gave Sam’s cheek a firm squeeze.
“Mmm,” Sam hummed, aroused and pleased by the compliment and thrilled by the impassioned touch.
“My Sammy,” Dean murmured fondly as he slipped his lubed fingers between Sam’s ass cheeks and found his hole. Sam made a soft gasp when Dean’s fingertips landed on the tight ring of creased flesh. Dean rubbed wide circles over the area, spreading the lube and sending jolts of wild heat throughout Sam’s body. After a few moments, Sam felt the tip of Dean’s forefinger begin to trace along his rim. Dean’s movements were slow, teasing, and Sam felt an increasing need to be penetrated. At last, Dean began to glide a single finger into him. Sam jerked his hips without meaning to and a soft noise of desire mixed with satisfaction spilled from his lips.
“Feel good, Sammy?”
“So good,” Sam moaned, “more, more.”
With a low, needy sound, Dean pushed his finger fully inside. He kept it motionless for a few beats, then started to slide it gradually in and out of Sam’s channel. Soon he added a second finger and Sam sighed with pleasure as he was further stretched. Slowly, Dean fucked Sam with his two fingers, repeating the decadent in-and-out motions for what felt like forever. Sam moaned and panted and writhed, yearning for Dean’s cock.
“Please put your cock inside me,” he finally cried out, unable to take any more gentle preparation.
“Okay, Sammy,” Dean said in a hushed, eager voice. He removed his fingers and guided Sam to turn around and lie on his back.
“I want to look at your face while I fuck you,” Dean told him.
“Yes, yes,” Sam chanted.
Dean picked up one of the bed’s pillows and angled it under Sam’s hips. Sam bent his knees, then spread his legs wide and lifted them, allowing Dean easy access to his entrance. Hurriedly but thoroughly, Dean lubed his erection.
“Sammy,” Dean breathed as he climbed on top of him. “Sammy,” Dean repeated, gazing down at Sam’s face, staring into his eyes. He tucked a lock of Sam’s long hair behind his ear and Sam felt loved. After looking intently at Sam’s face for a few beats, Dean reached between their bodies and guided his cock to Sam’s hole. He rested the head against the opening. “Ready for me?”
“So fucking ready, please, Dean, I need you.”
“Need you too,” Dean murmured, then slowly pushed into him. They both moaned as Sam was gradually filled by Dean’s hardness. Dean held himself still inside Sam’s ass for a few moments, then began to glide repeatedly in and out of Sam’s channel. Sam relished the sensation of Dean’s firmness within him. He cherished the act of giving Dean pleasure, of being the source of Dean’s ecstasy. Dean sped up the motions of his hips and began to mutter impassioned curse words as he fucked Sam.
“Dean, Dean, oh god, you feel so good inside me,” Sam groaned as he gazed up at Dean’s face. He studied the precise details of Dean's expressions, the arousal and joy and affection that played across his facial features. After a lifetime together, Sam had grown skilled at reading Dean’s expressions. He could see that Dean wanted to go harder, that he had much more passion within him than he was allowing his body to display. Sam could tell the reason Dean was holding back was because he was worried about being too rough with his baby brother. Sam wanted Dean to chase his bliss; if Dean wanted to fuck him harder, Sam yearned for Dean to fuck him harder. He wanted Dean to take as much pleasure in him as possible. He wanted to satisfy him utterly. To satisfy Dean was to satisfy himself. “Fuck me,” Sam encouraged him, “fuck me harder.”
A deep, strangled sound of lust poured from Dean’s lips, and then he quickened the thrusts of his pelvis, slamming into Sam’s hole over and over – but Sam could tell he was still holding back.
“Harder, please, Dean, as hard as you want.”
“Oh fuck, Sammy,” Dean grunted, and his movements became so rapid that he was nearly a blur.
“Yeah, fuck yeah,” Sam breathed. He leaned his head back against his pillow and closed his eyes to savor the sensation. Dean’s cock rushed in and out of Sam’s hole like it was running for its life, running to safety again and again. Running home.
“You,” Dean panted, “so, so,” but he didn’t manage to finish his sentence; instead, he collapsed his face into the crook of Sam’s neck and breathed heavily against his skin as he snapped his hips wildly, shoving deep into Sam’s ass.
“You feel so good too,” Sam replied, opening his eyes. Dean raised his head and smiled at him – a bare, raw, vulnerable smile, and Sam’s heart felt warm and needy. He wanted to tell Dean that he loved him, but he stopped himself. The words filled his closed mouth and pressed against the insides of his lips, straining to break free. With great effort, Sam shifted the words into action; he grabbed Dean’s head and pulled him down into a long, deep kiss. Dean moaned against Sam’s mouth and kissed him back with heated desperation.
“Oh fuck, oh Sammy,” Dean panted after the kiss. “Sammy, Sammy.”
Dean’s gruff yet loving tone made Sam tingle throughout his form, and he writhed. Dean made an urgent sound of arousal in response. As Dean thrust speedily into his asshole, Sam felt one with him, even more so than when Dean had sucked his cock. Sam thought about the fact that they had always been one, one entity in all the ways that counted. Sure, they had two bodies, but their lives and hearts were so woven together that their separate bodies hardly mattered.
“Dean, I lo –”
The loaded words had nearly slipped out.
“I love how your cock feels inside me,” Sam said instead, which was also true.
Between heavy breaths, Dean made a garbled sound that Sam knew was meant to be words of passion. He wrapped his arms around Dean’s back and felt his hot skin, slick with sweat, the evidence of his passionate exertion. Sam let himself grow lost in the rhythm – in out, in out, in out… Eventually, Dean’s noises grew frantic. He swore and moaned and grunted between calls of – “Sammy, Sammy.”
“You want to come inside me,” Sam asked in a sultry voice, “don’t you?”
“Fuck yes,” Dean screamed. “I wanna come so hard inside your perfect ass.”
“Do it, Dean, do it,” Sam urged, and the instant after he spoke the words Dean gave a final, fierce thrust and released with one last cry of – “Sammy.” Afterwards, he leaned his weight against Sam’s body and kissed his lips with tender enthusiasm. Sam kissed Dean back and clung to him. When the kiss was over, Dean buried his face once again in the crook of Sam’s neck. His breath was still heavy, and Sam adored the feeling of its warmth against his skin. Blissfully, he held his big brother in his arms and watched him enjoy his afterglow.
In time, Dean removed his spent cock from Sam’s ass and rolled off him. They arranged themselves on their sides facing one another and gazed into each other’s eyes. Dean reached out and took Sam’s hand in his own. He intertwined their fingers. They rested in profoundly comfortable silence, hands joined, and soon Dean’s eyelids slowly lowered. Sam watched Dean slumber; the sight made him feel peaceful. He observed Dean’s long eyelashes resting in curved lines against his skin. Dean’s entire face appeared relaxed and innocent. After watching Dean for a while, Sam sighed happily and closed his own eyes, inviting sleep to take him.
~
“You’re so proud of yourself,” Lucifer said sharply, “but all you are is a freak. You’re a freak and you deserve to be alone.”
“Don’t call me that,” Sam replied. He had meant for his voice to sound threatening but he heard that it had come out as a meek whimper. Lucifer laughed. They were standing on a long, winding dirt road. The sky was blood red with yellow clouds.
“You got home, huh?”
“That’s right,” Sam said, voice a little more confident this time. “We got home.”
“Thanks to you.”
“I guess.”
“Thanks to you using your freak psychic powers.”
Sam didn’t say anything for a long time. Lucifer stared at him with a disturbing grin, waiting for his response.
“I did use my psychic powers,” Sam finally said, “but that doesn’t make me a freak.”
“No?”
“No.”
Bolts of bright lightning began to fill the sky. The bolts struck the ground all around them but left them untouched. Thunder rumbled, then boomed.
“You think normal people can do what you did? No,” Lucifer said, “you’re a freak Sam-Sam, and you should just admit it.”
Sam felt overwhelmed by his shame. He had done something a normal person couldn’t do. Maybe that did make him a freak.
“A freak,” Lucifer repeated.
The sky started to rain blood. Lucifer dove at Sam, laughing. Sam screamed and put up his hands, finding with surprise that his motion had frozen Lucifer in place.
“See, Sam-Sam,” Lucifer spoke through his teeth, his body locked in its position, “even in your dreams, you’re a grade-A freak.”
Lucifer’s declaration unfroze him. He reached out and Sam saw that his fingernails were knives. Fear racing through him, Sam turned and ran down the road. As he ran, he heard Lucifer’s voice chanting in his mind – freak, freak, freak…
Suddenly the blood rain shifted to water. It landed on Sam’s hair and skin and washed away the blood that had coated him. The lightning ceased and the blood-red sky became blue, its clouds white. Sam stopped running. Lucifer appeared in front of him.
“Freak,” Lucifer said in an accusatory voice as he pointed a finger at Sam.
“Okay,” Sam replied calmly, “you’re right. I am a freak. But guess what? I’m not going to be ashamed of it anymore. I used my powers to save my family. The ability to do that is a gift, and if that makes me a freak then so be it.”
“No, you –”
“And I can use it for more good,” Sam continued, not allowing Lucifer to interrupt him. “Think how helpful psychic powers will be for hunting.”
“You wouldn’t. You’re ashamed.”
Sam smiled at him.
“No,” he said firmly, “not anymore.”
Still wearing a smile on his face, Sam looked down and found a glowing, golden angel blade in his hand. He darted forward and stabbed it into Lucifer’s chest. Lucifer made a startled, pained sound and thick black blood began to gush from his wound.
“You know I’ll be back, Sam-Sam,” he gurgled as blood filled his mouth. “You can’t kill me with that. You can’t kill me with anything. You can’t ever get rid of –” Before Lucifer could finish his sentence, a breeze came by and dissolved him into sand, then carried his remains away. Sam knew it was true that Lucifer would be back eventually, but that wasn’t what mattered; the important thing was that Sam had finally come to understand that being a freak was beautiful.
~
When Sam awoke this time, over four hours had passed. He felt like he could have slept for a month after all the energy spent during their time in Purgatory, but he realized he could do with a snack. Groggily, he sat up. The mattress shifted under his weight and Dean stirred. He made a sweet, sleepy sound and then his eyes fluttered open.
“Sammy,” he murmured, and he reached for him. Sam moved in close and kissed Dean – a soft press of his lips.
“I was just thinking of going to the kitchen and getting us snacks,” Sam told him.
“Ooh, snacks!”
Sam chuckled.
“Be right back,” he promised, then kissed Dean once more before pulling on his boxers and pajama pants and making his way to the kitchen. He grabbed an array of snacks and beverages as quickly as he could, eager to return to Dean.
“Hello, Sam.”
Sam turned around to find Cas.
“Hey, Cas.”
“I was just stretching my legs a little while Benny sleeps. I got a bit restless lying in the bed. It’s sort of, too comfortable?”
“Yeah,” Sam replied. “Comfort’s not what any of us are used to anymore.”
“You’re enjoying it though,” Cas observed. “We heard you and Dean earlier. You sounded happy.”
Sam felt himself flush and smile widely.
“Yeah,” was all he could think to say.
“You radiate your joy,” Cas told him. “I know you and Dean have been waiting a long time for each other, and I’m glad you found your way.”
“Thanks, Cas.” Sam grinned, pleased and moved by Cas’ approval. “And how about you and Benny? Enjoying being back on Earth together? Everything good?”
Cas’ face made a smile larger than Sam had ever seen it make before.
“Oh, yes,” he replied with great feeling. “We’ve been enjoying each other very much. It’s nice to make love in a bed, and to hold each other in one. I am so happy to be with him. He’s,” Cas paused to consider, then went on, “sweet and wild. It’s interesting, perhaps amusing, that we disliked each other when we met. Now we can both see that we had feelings for each other all along, but we didn’t notice because we were too distracted by our competition over Dean. Who would win him. Then you came to Purgatory and shifted things, and Benny and I were able to grow closer to one another while you and Dean grew closer to one another.” Cas paused again, looking at Sam with an earnest expression. “Sam,” he said warmly, “I’m glad it was you who ended up with Dean. You and Dean, well, that was always something special. No one else could ever be right for him the way you are right for him.”
Just then Benny emerged from the bedroom he and Cas were sharing. He rubbed his eyes and smoothed over his hair.
“Cas?”
“Benny,” Cas replied, his love clear in his voice, “I was just stretching my legs.”
Benny came up behind him and kissed the side of his neck.
“Heya Sam,” Benny said, smirking. “We heard you and Dean enjoying yourselves earlier. You two finally a couple right and proper?”
“Yeah,” Sam replied with a smile. “I think we are.”
“Took you long enough,” Benny replied jovially, and he clapped Sam on the back.
~
Sam and Dean sat on the bed eating and chatting, snacks and empty food wrappers spread out all around them.
“So,” Dean said through a mouthful of chocolate, “you’re a bottom?”
“I’m vers,” Sam replied between bites of his apple. “I like either position.”
“Me too,” Dean said happily.
“Does that mean,” Sam began with cautious excitement, “that you would let me fuck you sometime?”
Dean finished the last bite of his candy bar and wiped his hands on his napkin. In response to his intense gaze, Sam set down his apple. Dean pushed aside the snacks and empty food wrappers in his path and crawled over to Sam. He leaned in and whispered into Sam’s ear –
“How about right now?”
Sam made a small gasp by accident, then took Dean’s face into his hands and kissed his lips fiercely, needily. Dean slid his fingers into Sam’s hair and kissed him back with matched passion. In time Dean broke the kiss to send another whisper into Sam’s ear –
“How do you want me?”
The inviting words and the feeling of Dean’s breath against his ear made Sam’s cock stiffen.
“Dean,” Sam spoke in a low, gravelly tone. He climbed off the bed and guided Dean to do the same. Dean followed along, grinning eagerly. The brothers stood facing each other and exchanged a look of excited anticipation. Sam kissed Dean’s lips briefly, then turned him around and bent him over the edge of the bed. With a lustful groan, Dean allowed himself to be positioned. Sam stood behind Dean’s bent-over body and gazed at his toned ass. He reached out and stroked his hand over its curve. Dean sighed. Using both hands, Sam grabbed Dean’s ass cheeks and squeezed them tightly, then began to massage the flesh.
“Mmm, that feels nice, Sammy,” Dean murmured.
With increased pressure, Sam kneaded Dean’s ass cheeks, relishing the feeling of the mounds of flesh in his grasp. He rubbed Dean’s ass for many long moments, then parted his cheeks and gazed at his hole. At the sight of Dean’s tight entrance, Sam’s hard cock throbbed desperately beneath the pajama pants he had put back on for his journey to the kitchen. He stripped them, and his boxers, and gave his length a single stroke. After a lingering stare at Dean’s ass, Sam reached for the lube and coated his fingers. He held one ass cheek aside and grazed the tip of his forefinger over Dean’s entrance.
“Fuck,” Dean grunted.
“Good?”
“Good, yes, touch me more, Sammy.”
Sam began to run a single slippery fingertip along Dean’s rim, feeling the ridges of flesh as he went. He circled the opening repeatedly, watching the action with intensity, cherishing every instant of contact.
“Inside, inside,” Dean eventually urged.
A soft moan escaped Sam’s lips in response to Dean’s request. He slipped his index finger into Dean’s hole.
“Fuck, yes, more.”
Sam glided his finger out and re-entered Dean’s ass with two fingers. He rocked them back and forth within Dean’s channel, then began to work them in and out with slow thrusts.
“Yes, fuck me with your fingers, Sammy, give me more. Give me four fingers, use them to fuck me hard, get me nice and ready for that huge cock of yours, fuck yes.”
Sam’s needy erection throbbed as he added a third finger and started to rapidly fuck Dean’s hole, moving his arm forward and back, shoving his three fingers into Dean’s body again and again. Dean made long, emphatic moans. In time Sam added a fourth finger, relishing the sensation of Dean’s tightness around his slippery digits.
“Yeah, fuck yeah, stretch me,” Dean groaned. “Fuck, Sammy, stretch me.”
“Dean,” Sam murmured as he began to slam four fingers in and out of Dean’s channel.
“Yeah, yeah, give it to me, give it to me,” Dean chanted.
As his dick called impatiently for stimulation, Sam continued to work his fingers in and out of Dean’s ass. The act of fingering Dean aroused Sam so greatly that he had to resist the urge to use his free hand to grasp his own cock and jerk it until he came. He reminded himself that coming inside Dean’s ass would be so much better, and it helped him find his patience. With keen attention, he watched his fingers disappear inside Dean, then reappear once again – disappear reappear, disappear reappear…
Eventually, Sam ceased plunging his four fingers into Dean’s hole over and over and re-entered with only one finger. He angled it and found Dean’s sensitive prostate. Dean cried out and jerked his hips. Sam began to rub soft circles against the tender flesh. Soon Dean started to writhe and utter a seemingly endless chain of curse words. Sam kept on massaging him inside, cherishing the passionate sounds and movements that his touch inspired.
“Sammy,” Dean whimpered after a long stretch of time had passed, “need your cock, need your cock.”
With a surge of desire, Sam removed his finger and slicked his cock with plenty of lube. He added some more lubricant directly to Dean’s hole.
“Shove that huge cock in, Sammy,” Dean demanded. “Don’t go slow, don’t be gentle, just shove your enormous cock in and pound into me, hard, hard. I fucking love being fucked by huge cocks, Sammy. I’m so fucking lucky you have such a gorgeous, massive dick to stretch me.”
“Fuck, oh god.”
“Don’t go in slow,” Dean continued, voice needy. “I like when it hurts a little.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, shove it in hard.”
As Sam pushed forcefully and fully into Dean’s hole, they both cried out. Sam was encompassed by pleasure and a deep sense of rightness, but he worried that Dean had not enjoyed the rough entrance.
“Dean,” he asked with concern, “you okay? Is it too much for you?”
“Not too much,” Dean panted. “Just right. It’s huge but it feels so good stretching me, so fucking good, fuck, it’s so huge, keep going, fuck me hard, Sammy, Sammy.”
Murmuring Dean’s name, Sam gripped Dean’s hips firmly and began to slam into him over and again. He felt hot and wild, yet peaceful, serene; they were joined and that was how it should be. He treasured the sensation of Dean’s tightness around his hardness every time he was fully inside, and he longed for the embrace of Dean’s channel each time his dick was exposed to the open air. Sam felt as though Dean’s body was made of sheer ecstasy that spread from Dean’s ass into Sam’s cock, then through Sam’s cock to Sam’s entire form. Dean began to rock his pelvis eagerly; Sam reached around Dean’s hip and found his erection. He grasped it as he continued to pound Dean’s ass.
“Fuck yes, jerk me, fuck yes.”
“Dean,” was all Sam could manage to say. He pumped his hand up and down the length of Dean’s cock while he pushed and pulled his achingly hard dick in and out of Dean’s hole. Sam savored the feeling of Dean’s firmness in his grip. He lustfully observed the writhing of Dean’s body. With booming curse words, Dean snapped his hips desperately, shoving his erection in and out of the channel created by Sam’s curled hand and simultaneously meeting Sam’s every thrust, their bodies colliding, needily uniting.
“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me...” Dean chanted as he worked his pelvis. A wave of raw yearning washed over Sam; he made an urgent, almost pained, sound as his cock pulsed within Dean’s body. He needed to come inside Dean’s hot, tight ass. He needed his seed to mark Dean as his own. They belonged to each other now, or perhaps they always had.
With heavy breath, Sam pushed his orgasm down. He wanted to make the sex last as long as possible, yet he found himself speeding up his motions even further. A part of him said to slow down so he wouldn’t lose control and shoot his cum deep inside Dean, but everything was too perfect, too right. He allowed his body to move as it wished to, as it needed to. His hips and hand snapped and stroked at rapid speed as he continued to fuck Dean’s hole and jerk Dean’s cock.
“Oh god, you feel so good,” Sam groaned with ecstatic desperation, longing for his release.
“You feel so good too,” Dean moaned. “It’s so fucking good, oh fuck, do you wanna come together soon, Sammy?”
“Yes,” Sam spoke with intensity so thick it seemed to fill the air around them.
“Tell me when, Sammy.”
Sam gave a final, brutal thrust and called out –
“Now, Dean, come with me,” and an instant later he felt Dean’s cock throb in his hand followed by the wet sensation of Dean’s seed spilling down his curled fingers as Dean cried out – “Sammy, I’m yours.” At the same moment, Sam shot his cum deep inside Dean’s body and made a low sound that was meant to be Dean’s name. The fact that they were sharing their orgasm made Sam feel even more like they were a single being, and that was exactly how he wanted it. Bolts of erotic joy struck Sam throughout his form and fluffy clouds of thick love swirled around the bolts. He felt as though he was so full of the light Dean inspired that luminous beams were radiating from his body, making the entire room glow. The light was so bright that Sam could see nothing – nothing but Dean, who was vividly clear. To Sam, in that moment, only Dean existed.
After they had both come down from their orgasms, Sam released his grasp on Dean’s spent cock and pulled gently out of Dean’s ass. They climbed back into bed and cuddled close, pulling the covers up over their naked bodies. They leaned in for a kiss at the same moment. It was a sweet kiss, heavy with affection and unity. After they pulled apart, Dean gazed into Sam’s eyes and cupped the side of his face. Sam leaned into his touch. Sam’s yearning to express his love with words returned to him. He imagined speaking the three precious words to Dean. First, he imagined Dean saying it back, anticipated the sheer joy of that moment. After that, though, Sam’s fear put another version of the scene in his mind: Sam speaking the words, making vulnerable his heart, and Dean saying nothing in return, or worse yet, recoiling. Sam decided he would hold off on saying it. Maybe in a few months he would revisit the idea.
“Sammy,” Dean said in a soft, nervous voice.
“Yeah?”
“I, I want to tell you something.”
“What is it?” Sam began to worry that Dean had come to regret their romantic union after all. He aimed to guard his heart, but he knew it was too late; if Dean changed his mind again, it would crush Sam deep in his core. He didn’t know how he would recover.
Too long passed in silence, then Dean picked up Sam’s hand and brought it to his lips. He planted a tender kiss against his palm, and then another against his inner wrist. Dean drew in a deep breath. Sam waited fearfully for Dean’s words.
“Sammy, I love you. I am so in love with you.”
Sam was so happy he made a little squeal of joy, then took Dean’s face into his hands and kissed him with profound passion. He soon realized he had failed to say it back, so he broke the kiss, panting.
“I love you, Dean. I am madly in love with you, and I always have been.”
Dean made a contented hum and rested his head on Sam’s chest. Sam took Dean’s hand in his own and held it tightly, feeling utterly safe. With their hands clasped and their mutual love unhidden, the two brothers were finally and truly home.