Chapter Text
“Shen-shixiong? Can I come in?”
Liu Qingge knocked on the front door of the man’s house several times but got no response.
Really? The silent treatment? Come on now.
He then tried the door ring itself, amused when the door swung outward with ease. So that was Shen Qingqiu’s method, then.
Liu Qingge inspected the underside of his boots to ensure he wouldn’t track any dirt inside, then said, “Shixiong, I’m coming in,” and entered.
Shen Qingqiu’s home hadn’t seemed large on the outside, and indeed the first room Liu Qingge stepped into, the parlour and study, couldn’t hold much more than a few guests at a time.
Certainly, it was a small space for someone of a Peak Lord’s stature. Li-shigu, he remembered, had lived in a much more expansive manor than this. Even he and A’Jiu lived in the Bai Zhan Peak Lord’s Manor, had over three stories and two dozen rooms to house them and all their books and trophies, and host the occasional intra-peak meeting and party too.
As Liu Qingge looked around though, he marvelled.
The Qing Jing Peak Lord was a poet and a scholar and his house was furnished as one would, with furniture made of rich huanghuali wood, watercolour paintings and calligraphy scrolls hanging from the walls, packed bookshelves interspersed with shelves holding all manners of fine vases and jade and coral sculptures, flowers in decorative pots bursting with colour and variety. Everything was arranged perfectly and with space in between, much like the pieces on a pristine board of weiqi. Not a single item was out of place, nor out of line.
Honestly, it wasn’t that dissimilar from how his husband decorated their own home. A’Jiu… also liked to plaster the walls of their home with his paintings and calligraphy, to stuff every corner of every room with pots full of flowers both dried and fresh. He also enjoyed the occasional sculpture, whether it be made of jade or amethyst or agarwood, the most important factor being that he sourced the materials himself.
Did Shen Qingqiu do that as well? Did his eyes ever sparkle with joy when he found a deposit of raw gemstone deep within a cave, a slab of imperfect rock waiting for his nimble hands to carve into a masterpiece? He certainly liked to think so.
Honestly, the main difference Liu Qingge saw in how the two Shens decorated their respective homes was the presence of him.
Even though Liu Qingge never had a head for interior design, their home in Bai Zhan was full of him and his things as well. While he wasn’t as tacky as his shizun to keep an entire Black Moon Rhinoceros Python skeleton around waiting for the opportunity to skewer people, he enjoyed displaying mementos from his favourite hunts; a dragon’s claw here, a preserved feng luan feather over there, a tiger skin rug on the floor of their study. He had an entire shelf devoted to various gems and stones and minerals he’d picked up on his travels over the years, though he didn’t carve them like A’Jiu did, preferring to display them raw.
In their workroom lay an endless row of his boots in states of disarray, waiting to be patched up for the next misadventure, next to chests and shelves full of tools that could resole old shoes and carve rock into sculpture, hone Cheng Luan to perfection and make her feel brand new again. His wardrobe in their bedroom was stuffed with a hundred sets of robes in white and off-white and grey, his shelf in their bathing room full of the honey locust soap and lavender and clove sachets he used whenever he washed.
Even their parlour was big enough to host the other Peak Lords comfortably; there were certainly enough chairs and luohan beds to go around. Shang Qinghua had spent more than one aftermath of a drinking party snoring and drooling on a couch overnight at their place (and then scarfing down the breakfast Liu Qingge made for his husband the morning after, naturally).
As Liu Qingge sat down in a chair to wait for Shen Qingqiu, he wondered if the other man had ever invited someone into his home for a game of weiqi or even tea. And again, he certainly hoped so.
But after what he’d seen earlier today, he doubted it more and more. Shen Qingqiu’s abode was beautiful, like him. But like him, it also seemed to exist in a space and time all its own.
This little bamboo cottage had been in the heart of a small clearing, with no outbuildings or courtyard nearby. There had been no disciples around, even just to sweep the front steps or gravel path leading to the house itself.
Only the birds appeared to be Shen Qingqiu’s neighbour in this world, and he theirs in turn.
Lonely. The man was so very lonely. Liu Qingge wondered what had happened in Shen Qingqiu’s life to make him so isolated, and whether he could truly fix it in the time he was here.
Then he thought about A’Jiu, and how he must feel being back in their house without Liu Qingge there to keep him company. If it felt too big for him now.
His husband would go on, he knew; he’d been through much worse before and survived.
Even so, their bed was made to fit two people and not just one.
*
“Still trespassing, are you?”
It took some time, but eventually Shen Qingqiu emerged from behind a door with a fresh face and a different set of lovely, if subdued, green robes on. He had replaced that exquisite golden buyao from earlier with a plain gaun, and if he was wearing any cosmetics now it must be subtle, for there wasn’t a trace of red left on his pale mouth.
“Shixiong.” Liu Qingge rose to greet him. “Do you feel better now?”
Shen Qingqiu gave him a wary glance. “I’m well enough,” he said in a muted tone, then hesitated. “And… you? Does it still hurt?”
“Hm?” Liu Qingge wasn’t sure what he was talking about.
The man’s lip twitched. “I lost my temper. And… hit you. Surely it must have stung even a little. Or am I truly that weak?” he added under his breath incredulously.
Oh right. Liu Qingge rubbed his cheek to check. “You’re definitely not weak,” he said dryly. “But it’s fine now, I already forgot about it.”
“It’s not fine. How can it be fine?” Shen Qingqiu worried at his lip. “If it were me I would have already doused your pillow with some horrible rash powder that makes you scratch yourself until everything bleeds and scars for life.”
Well, that sounded familiar. Liu Qingge grinned. “Are you saying you want me to be upset with you, shixiong?”
Shen Qingqiu coloured. “Shut up.” He then headed over to the apothecary cabinet next to his desk, pulling out one drawer after another until he found what he was looking for, a small white porcelain jar which he then shoved into Liu Qingge’s hands, somehow without making any skin contact either.
“And this is…?”
“Healing salve,” Shen Qingqiu muttered. “Put that on before you leave, in case someone sees.”
My, my.
“You know, shixiong,” Liu Qingge said, unable to help himself. “If you feel awful about what you did… you could always apologise, too.”
“Who said I feel awful?” Shen Qingqiu hissed, face turning a brilliant red. “I - I just got carried away for a moment! And may I remind you yet again that you are trespassing! In my house!”
“You mean you didn’t leave the door unlocked on purpose?” Liu Qingge teased him. “I noticed the wards weren’t activated either.”
“So - so what? That wasn’t an invitation to come traipsing in like a hooligan either, you cur,” Shen Qingqiu stammered, avoiding his gaze, and Liu Qingge knew he had him dead to rights. “You’re just as ill-mannered as the brute, ugh! Now go away and - “
There was a sudden knock on the door. Then:
“Qingqiu-shidi? Are you there?”
Abruptly the blood drained from Shen Qingqiu’s face, and he looked at Liu Qingge with wide eyes and desperation.
“Send him away,” he whispered. “Please.”
For me.
The good humour left Liu Qingge too, and he remembered the world existed outside of him and Shen-shixiong, and what had unfolded at the meeting just half a shichen ago.
That too.
“Don’t worry.” He flashed Shen Qingqiu a smile he hoped was reassuring, though the man didn’t look too won over. “I’ll get him out of your hair.”
Shen Qingqiu just pursed his lips, looking doubtful. “If you say so,” he mumbled.
Liu Qinggge did.
*
“Zhangmen-shixiong.”
Yue Qingyuan was waiting when Liu Qingge went back outside and made sure to close the door behind him so Shen Qingqiu could pace his parlour and fret in peace.
“Liu-shidi.” The man looked surprised to see him. “I didn’t realise you were here. Was I interrupting something?”
“Yes,” Liu Qingge said, not bothering to lie, and the smile on Yue Qingyuan’s face faded. “That’s not important right now though. I want to talk about what happened earlier.”
“I do too,” the man said. “Is Qingqiu-shidi alright? He - “
“Zhangmen-shixiong,” Liu Qingge interrupted him. “What the hell were you even doing back there?”
Yue Qingyuan froze.
“I have no idea if what happened at the meeting is normal over here,” Liu Qingge said. “If the others badgering Shen-shixiong like that is a regular occurrence. For my own sake, I sincerely hope not. “
His heart ached just thinking about it. Everyone at the table were friends with A’Jiu back home, Qi Qingqi and Bai Qingrui and Gao Qingyue and the rest.
Liu Qingge was friends with them too. Thought he knew everything about them. Never could have imagined that if, for the mere want of a nail, his friends, their friends could be so casually cruel to the man he loved, and without even thinking about it.
“I - “ Yue Qingyuan started, then stopped.
And here was the worst perpetrator of all.
Unbelievable, Liu Qingge thought with crushing disappointment.
At first appearance Yue Qingyuan over here seemed to be the same as his shixiong back home. Nothing had struck Liu Qingge as off about him compared to Shen Qingqiu’s more jarring differences from A’Jiu, and so he’d naively assumed he could expect the same behaviour from this man as he could from his own Yue-shixiong.
He’d been wrong.
“What happened at the meeting was an utter travesty,” Liu Qingge spat out. “Our own martial siblings insulting Shen-shixiong, barely able to feign respect for him even for a heartbeat. I have no idea what the hell happened before to make them think that kind of behaviour was acceptable but - “
“It’s not,” Yue Qingyuan said. “I know.”
“You know?!” Liu Qingge was flabbergasted. “Then why did you let them run their mouths like that? It should have never even crossed their minds to be so disrespectful about their shixiong a mere day after he saved the sect’s skin. What is wrong with them?”
“I… I don’t know.” Yue Qingyuan looked miserable. “Most of our martial siblings have never gotten along with Qingqiu-shidi. I’ve… tried, over the years, to make them more open-minded, but it’s never worked. Nor has Qingqiu-shidi tried to make peace with them either - ”
“Would you?” said Liu Qingge. “Be honest with me now. If you were in Shen-shixiong’s place, would you want to be friends with anyone back there either?”
Yue Qingyuan didn’t say anything at that; he just pursed his lips and looked out onto the nearby forest.
“... Zhangmen-shixiong.” He rubbed his temples. “I’m aware I don’t know much about what went on in this world before I showed up, but a lot of painful and terrible things happened over in my world too. But at least over there, you and A’Jiu are friends.” He laughed in shock. “The Yue-shixiong I know would have never let anything in that meeting fly. Not like you.”
For a long and fraught moment, the only sound in the universe was the shrieking cry of a bird flying overhead.
Then Yue Qingyuan said, dully, “I’m sorry for disappointing you, Liu-shidi. For not being the man you thought I was.”
Liu Qingge rolled his eyes; he didn’t need this self-pitying shit right now. “You should be sorry,” he snapped. “Everyone else in that room, I can chalk up to just being assholes who need to be chewed out and punished. But you? You and Shen-shixiong have known each other your whole lives. You know what he’s been through. You should have protected him.” He grimaced. “I expected better from you.”
He turned heel to stalk back into the house, but then Yue Qingyuan chuckled bitterly and mumbled, “Friends. Are we really friends over there?”
… fuck.
“What,” Liu Qingge said, turning back to face him. “You don’t believe me?”
“I don’t. I mean, I would love to.” Yue Qingyuan smiled. “Would love to know what the other me got right what I’ve always gotten wrong, always bumbled and erred and ruined things for Qingqiu when I only wanted to help… how did I manage to fix things over there and not here?
“Or,” the man asked aloud wistfully while a terrible realisation came to Liu Qingge, “were you the reason everything is different over there?”
He was.
A long time ago, Liu Qingge had fought Yue Qingyuan at the interpeak tournament and lost. Shen Jiu had then gone after Yue Qingyuan to defend Liu Qingge’s lost dignity, only to forfeit his own match and later reveal the history of his broken bond with the Qiong Ding Head Disciple to Liu Qingge, causing him to confront the youth about the impact his behaviour had on Shen Jiu. Later, as Yue Qingyuan was about to leave for the Siege of Bailu Mountain, he told Shen Jiu about his failed attempt to rescue him from the Qiu Manor and his maladapted bond with his sword, Xuan Su and…
And that had never happened here because Liu Qingge and Shen Jiu had never been friends and thus he’d never gotten involved.
They had never been disciples together, never been friends and entered the tournament together. Shen Jiu had never fought for him with Cheng Luan in his hands, had never been punished by Shizun for cheating either. Liu Qingge had never confronted Yue Qingyuan, and so he never found out what he was doing to Shen Jiu by keeping the truth from him -
And Shen Jiu never found out Yue Qingyuan came back to the Qiu Manor to save him because he had never told him.
To this day, Shen Qingqiu didn’t know his Qi-ge never meant to abandon him, he was just too late.
He had never told him anything.
Liu Qingge’s jaw dropped.
*
For want of a nail, the kingdom was lost.
*
“Zhangmen-shixiong…” Liu Qingge began, hysterical as he spoke. Yue Qingyuan stepped back in alarm, but didn’t interrupt. “Don’t tell me you never told Shen-shixiong… that he still doesn’t know the truth…”
“The truth about what? Liu-shidi, I know I’ve upset you but - “
“About you not returning to the Qiu Manor in time,” Liu Qingge said. “And Xuan Su.”
It was as if the sun itself suddenly vanished, leaving them in eternal darkness.
Yue Qingyuan caved to his knees, ashen as he stared at Liu Qingge with huge, horrified eyes and said brokenly, “How… how do you know all that? Who would have ever told you?”
Ah. It was true then.
Liu Qingge didn’t know if he was more disappointed in this man… or heartbroken for him. But either way, the status quo couldn’t go on anymore, now that he was here.
“I know,” Liu Qingge said. “Because my husband told me.” He raised a brow. “A’Jiu told me.”
Yue Qingyuan shook his head, hands shaking as he tried to keep steady. “Even he doesn’t know about Xuan Su,” he whispered. “So who would have told him? My shizun? Mu-shidi? It can’t be, they both swore to take it to their graves - “
“Zhangmen-shixiong,” Liu Qingge said. “You did.”
“I didn’t. I didn’t.” Yue Qingyuan was in disbelief, small strange tears at the corner of his eyes. “And… he believed me? Forgave me? Even though I failed?”
For within his ragged and wavering voice lay a little seed of hope, a tiny strain of wonder, wondering if even after all this time, there was still a chance for him.
A chance to fix things with his Xiao Jiu, and heal the hole in each other’s heart again.
“Yes,” Liu Qingge said, and saw the first of many tears fall.
Yue-shixiong had only cried in front of Liu Qingge once before, and he’d been a youth then. The Zhangmen-shixiong crying silently in front of him now was a grown man, and one he didn’t even know.
But… he and Yue-shixiong were close back home too. And if he wasn’t going to let Shen Qingqiu be miserable even though he wasn’t A’Jiu… shouldn’t he try and extend Yue Qingyuan a little of the same grace too?
Liu Qingge didn’t know if he was doing the right thing by trying this. But he went over to Yue Qingyuan and knelt, and embraced him all the same.
“Zhangmen-shixiong,” he said awkwardly into the other man’s ear. “I’m not going to pretend your reconciliation was easy, or that A’Jiu even forgave you right away. He still… hated you at first. Hated you for thinking you looked down on him, for assuming he would never forgive you for having a hard time trying to get back to him.”
“No… no…” Yue Qingyuan shuddered, tears soaking into Liu Qingge’s lapels. “It’s never been like that - never…”
“I know,” Liu Qingge said. “I know you two have always loved each other. That you’ve only ever wanted what’s good for Shen-shixiong. Believe me when I say it goes the same for him, too. I’ve seen the highs and lows of your relationship with each other back home, gods, I experienced the whole mess myself.” He laughed. “But even when A’Jiu hated you, he still loved you more.”
Could it be any different for Shen Qingqiu over here?
“I just… don’t understand how.” Yue Qingyuan lifted his head, looking lost even with red eyes and redder cheeks. “Why did he forgive me? Why did he let me back into his life? How could it have ever been so easy for me?”
He had no idea at all.
“You almost died, for one,” Liu Qingge told him. “That’ll make most people re-evaluate their priorities.”
“Perhaps,” Yue Qingyuan laughed wetly. “Was that all?”
Was that all? Was this fucker serious?
Liu Qingge frowned, slapping a harsh hand on the other man’s shoulders to snap some sense into him.
“Zhangmen-shixiong,” he said. “Listen to me. Shen Jiu, Qingqiu - the man we both know - loves you. He’s always loved you. Even when you were a pair of tiny brats begging on the street for some spare coin and pity.” Yes, he knew about that too. “That love has never changed, understand? Whatever you think about him, whatever you think he thinks about you, you need to let go of your assumptions and be honest with him. You need to be honest about everything that happened to you when you two were apart, because right now, the reason Shen-shixiong thinks you never told him the truth is because you’ve never cared about him and we both know that’s false.”
“I…” Yue Qingyuan sank teeth into his lip until it was bloody. “It can’t be that easy though, it just can’t. Liu-shidi, Qingqiu hates me so much. How can I truly know you’re being honest with me?”
Liu Qingge stared at him, unmoved.
“Look around,” he said soberly. “You saw how cruel our martial siblings were to Shen-shixiong. My own self apparently can’t stand the sight of him. Shen-shixiong’s a brilliant cultivator, someone who could flourish anywhere; he doesn’t need to be a Peak Lord with the rest of us. Tell me why, with everything and everyone else working against him, he’s still in this sect and not somewhere else, if not because he loves you.”
It wasn’t true; it couldn’t possibly be true; after how Yue Qingyuan had failed him, how could Shen Qingqiu still bear the sight of him?
All that and more was no doubt on the man’s protesting lips, Liu Qingge knew, but he wasn’t interested in hearing him out. When Yue Qingyuan opened his mouth to speak, to deny the truth of what Liu Qingge was saying, to pretend, he just shook his head and blocked his mouth with a hand, and said:
“He still loves you. And you must know that too, or else you wouldn’t be here right now. Wouldn’t think you still had a chance to make things right if you didn’t have a chance at all.” Liu Qingge smiled. “Zhangmen-shixiong, I know I’m being presumptuous and out of line here… but trust me. You still have a chance.”
So long as you’re alive, you always will.
*
He didn’t know how long it took, but eventually the tears came to an end and they parted, Yue Qingyuan trying to recompose himself with dignity while Liu Qingge waited nearby and wondered if he’d truly gotten through to him.
“Liu-shidi,” the man rasped, nose red from his earlier distress.
“Yes, Zhangmen-shixiong,” Liu Qingge said. Now that he’d vented his own anger out, he felt a lot calmer about the current situation.
“I… don’t know if I can thank you yet, for what just unfolded here,” Yue Qingyuan said wanly. “But you’ve given me a lot to think about. I didn’t have hope before. Now… I do. Even if only a little.”
“... sure,” Liu Qingge said. “But right now, that hope is only a small seed. You still need to plant it and let it bear fruit.” He bit his lip. “Zhangmen-shixiong, I’m serious. You’ll need to tell him the truth eventually.”
“I will,” Yue Qingyuan swallowed. “Just not right now. I… need to think things over first.”
“Perhaps a visit to Qian Cao would help,” Liu Qingge said. The man definitely looked like he didn’t get enough healing tisanes in his life.
Yue Qingyuan coughed. “I don’t want to trouble Mu-shidi any more than I already have. I’ll head back to Qiong Ding - “
“Oh, you will now?”
“Yes, I need to - “ Yue Qingyuan said, then froze when he realised Liu Qingge hadn’t said anything.
Fuck, Liu Qingge thought too. Now they were in for it.
“Coming and going as you please, hm, Zhangmen-shixiong?” Shen Qingqiu said frostily as he stepped out of his house and towards the two of them. “Got nothing to say to me before you scurry off like a coward yet again, hm? But you have all the time and patience in the world to spill your guts to Liu Qingge, don’t you.”
“Come on now,” Liu Qingge said. “I did basically bully him into the whole thing.”
“Shut up,” Shen Qingqiu hissed, jabbing a fan in his direction. “If you’re on my side like you keep saying you are, then don’t butt in unless it’s to physically prevent him from running away again.
“And you.” He turned that frigid jade-eyed stare onto Yue Qingyuan now, whose feet were firmly rooted to the ground, no restraints required. “You are not going anywhere right now. Not until I’ve cracked your rib cage open with my own bloody hands and determined if your heart is worthy of me.”
Damn, Liu Qingge thought in a daze. Now that was something.
“No more excuses, Yue Qingyuan,” Shen Qingqiu said. “You are going to tell me everything about what happened back then. About - about you not coming back to the Qiu Manor in time.” He bit his lip. “And Xuan Su. What does Mu Qingfang know about you that I never have?”
“It’s - “ Yue Qingyuan looked like he would rather jump into a pit of swords. “It’s - Qingqiu-shidi, I can’t. Not right now. You’d never forgive me.”
“Hey,” Liu Qingge barked. “What the hell did we just talk about a moment ago?”
“You have to. You have to, right now.” Shen Qingqiu’s gaze swivelled wildly between the two of them, green eyes misting over like before.
He looked like he was going to cry again. Only, this time Liu Qingge didn’t think anyone would be able to bear the consequences once the tears began to fall.
“Or,” the Qing Jing Peak Lord said numbly, “I can just quit the sect. Because Liu Qingge’s right, you know!” He laughed. “I really can flourish anywhere. Like a rat carrying the plague. So why do I need to be here at all? Especially if…” His lower lip trembled. “If even now you won’t be honest with me…”
“I will!” Yue Qingyuan cried out.
The man rushed to Shen Qingqiu, first grabbing at his sleeves to prevent him from leaving, then letting go clumsily and putting a hand on his shoulder when Shen Qingqiu didn’t actually run off.
“I promise, I promise, I will tell you the truth,” Yue Qingyuan said. “Just… stay, and hear me out first. Please… don’t go anywhere without me.”
“Hear you out,” Shen Qingqiu echoed hoarsely. “What do you think I’ve wanted from you all along?” A tear fell down his cheek and disappeared into the grass below. “You finally want me to hear you out. Fine,” he spat out. “So tell me. Everything.”
And much to Liu Qingge’s astonishment and disbelief, the two men finally began to speak to each other, and do what, in his world, had already been done half a lifetime ago.
Xiao Jiu and Qi-ge, facing each other at last.
Even if this had nothing to do with his journey to getting back home, it had everything to do with his beloved, and a world where Shen Jiu wasn’t reconciled with his Qi-ge wasn’t a world where he could ever be happy, not truly.
Liu Qingge could only pray his intervention went better than the first time around, and watch the misbegotten pair from afar.
Good luck, you two.
They were going to need it.