Chapter Text
Wally barely remembered anything from the next several days. He remembered little snippets here and there, but the majority of his memories were just of him lying still, facing the wall. He didn't remember the debrief at all, or if he even went.
Two days after Dick's death, when he was building up the energy to finally go eat something, his phone rang unexpectedly. He almost ignored it, knowing that it was probably just Kaldur or Megan trying to check on him again, but he paused when he saw the contact name. It was Roy.
Though he knew it was going to be a rough phone call, he picked up immediately.
"Wally," Roy said immediately after he picked up, his voice shaking. Whether it was fear, anger, or something else entirely, Wally had no idea.
"Wally, it's not true, is it?" He demanded.
"Roy..." Wally tried, finding that his voice was no longer working.
"This- this has to be some kind of sick joke, right?" He said, voice beginning to break. "Wally, answer me!"
"...it's true. His funeral is tomorrow," Wally said tears slipping out against his will.
"No... no, what happened?" Roy said in disbelief.
Wally knew exactly how he felt. Robin was the strongest person on the team, and had always seemed unkillable. He rarely made a mistake, and almost never failed a mission.
Slowly, he took a deep breath and recounted the mission. He treated it almost like a debrief, just to keep himself together. He knew that if he went into any detail aside from the basic facts, he would break down again, and Roy didn't need that.
As it turned out, this method didn't work as well as he was hoping. He still ended up crying by the time he finished.
Roy was somehow crying harder. Wally had rarely seen him cry at all, but now he was sobbing over the phone, and Wally was helpless.
"I- I'm so sorry, Roy. I s-should've d-done something..." Wally sobbed.
"No. Don't you dare start with that Wally. Y-you did what you could. He- he would be really proud of you," Roy said, trying to make him feel better.
It ended up having the opposite effect, causing Wally to begin crying harder than before.
Roy didn't say anything, but Wally could still hear him crying over the phone.
After about ten wordless minutes of the pair just crying it out, Roy finally spoke.
"Wally... what're we gonna do now?" He said, voice still shaky.
Wally knew what he meant. Robin, although he was much younger, and had been introduced to the team later, had so much more experience. He always knew what to do. He was a rock, someone to rely on when things got tough, and a person they could all lean on. But more than that, he was their best friend, and their little brother. He was someone they were supposed to protect. And Wally had failed him. He just... wasn't fast enough.
"Roy, I don't know," he answered. "I'm not sure of anything right now."
"Can you... can you stay on the phone with me tonight? I'm not sure I should be alone right now," Roy asked, his voice horse, but no longer shaking.
"Yeah," Wally replied. "Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing."
Neither of them spoke a word after that, but their presence was calming. Wally finally slept that night.
Before Wally even arrived at the funeral, he knew he looked like shit. He felt like shit. He'd finally showered, and even forced down some food for the first time in three days, but he knew he looked awful.
As it turned out, he wasn't the only one. It was Dick's personal funeral (as opposed to his hero one, which would take place two days after) and the entire team, along with the entire league looked seriously disheveled.
Diana and Bruce were, by far, the worst. Dick's aunt and dad. Diana's usually sleek, black hair looked like it hadn't been brushed in days, and she had this dead look in her eyes. They were rimmed with red, a clear sign that she'd been crying, but they held no emotion.
And Bruce... Wally never thought The Batman could ever look so broken. The man who always commanded so much power now just looked like a regular man. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked as though he was staring off into space, like he wasn't even on the same planet. He still had his cowl on to protect his identity, but Wally felt like he could see right through it.
Then he saw his team. They looked hollow, like the life had been sucked out of them. Honestly, it had. The light of their team, Robin, had been forcefully taken from them. Sure, Wally was fun at times, but without his Robin he was just... lost. Empty, even.
He sat next to the team, but none of them spoke. None of them had the energy. They took comfort in each other's presence, and no words were needed. It wasn't until they announced that it was time to see their friend for the final time, that someone said something.
"Wally should go first," Artemis said.
No one moved to argue, so Wally got up. He didn't feel ready to sat goodbye, but he wanted to see Dick. As it turned out, he wasn't prepared at all.
The moment he walked into the room, he felt bile rise in his throat, and he felt extremely dizzy. It was just so wrong to see Dick in that coffin. Fuck, he was only 13! He had so much more life to live!
As Wally peered over the coffin at Dick, he began shaking. They had cleaned all of the blood off of him, but Wally could still see it. He could still see it flowing out of him, soaking his hands as he desperately tried to stop it.
"I- I'm so sorry, Dick. I love you, I'm sorry," he sobbed, the confession both relieving and harrowing.
As his shock turned to panic, he staggered back falling to the ground. He began sobbing uncontrollably. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't control his breathing.
Suddenly, he felt someones arms wrap around him. Initially, he thought it was his uncle Barry, and was surprised to hear Bruce Wayne's voice.
"Deep breaths, Wally. Deep breaths."
Wally leaned into his embrace. Wally thought it was... unusual for Bruce, but he was hurting too much to care. He knew Bruce was, too.
He sobbed into Bruce's chest for longer than he cared to guess, but the man didn't seem to mind. He just held him, rocking him back and forth until he could calm down.
"Come with me Wally. Let's let the others in," he said when Wally had caught his breath.
Taking one last look at Dick, he allowed himself to be guided out of the room.
After having sat down, the two of them just stared numbly off into space. They had both just lost one of the most important people in their lives, what was there to say? It took Wally several minutes to get his words in the right order.
"I'm... I'm sorry," he said finally. "It was my fault. I was so close, I was right there, I just... I wasn't fast enough."
It was all he could manage to say before he started choking up again.
Bruce said nothing. Wally would have rathered he screamed at him about how Dick's death was his fault; anything was better than this silence. But Bruce was just staring at nothing.
"No," he said unexpectedly.
Wally looked up at him, confused.
"It wasn't your fault," he continued. "You did everything exactly the way you should have. The only person at fault here is the terrorist that planted that bomb. I am sorry this happened. This is... the worst case scenario in our line of work, and I'm sorry it happened to you."
Wally looked at the ground, in danger of crying again.
"But you can't blame yourself for this," he continued. "If I blamed myself for everyone I couldn't save, the guilt would crush me."
Stunned, it took him a minute to answer. In the end he just nodded. Neither of them spoke for the rest of the funeral.
Eventually, after they had all gone to say their goodbyes, he moved back to the team. It ended being Kaldur who comforted him through the entire service, his hand never leaving Wally's shoulder.
As they were leaving, Wally caught him on his way out.
"Kaldur? Could I stay with you guys at the mountain tonight? I don't want to be alone right now," he asked, uncharacteristically quiet.
"Of course, my friend. Always," he answered.
Wally followed him out, neither of them saying a word.
Back at the mountain, Wally found himself alone in his room. That was probably for the best. He just... needed to process everything.
Normally, everything a speedster does is fast. Apparently that didn't apply to grief. Everything had just seemed to slow down for him.
Sighing, he pulled out his phone. He hadn't even turned it on since before Dick's death, other than to call Roy. It had just been sitting on his charger.
He cleared away his notifications almost mindlessly. He had a few missed calls from his friends trying to check on him throughout the week.
He froze when he got to the final notification. It was a voice message. And it was from Dick.
Checking the date, Wally saw that it was sent on the day he died. Only a few hours beforehand.
With shaking hands, Wally clicked on the notification.
"Hey, Wally! It's Dick. I just wanted to make sure we're still on for Saturday. Y'know after this next mission's done and all. I... I actually have something to tell you. Call me back, k?"
With that, the message was over. Wally just sat and stared at his phone in shock for a couple minutes. Today was Saturday. He was supposed to be hanging out with Dick today. Instead, he had gone to his funeral.
His tears started up again in full force, with his breath coming in convulsive gasps. It hit him all at once that Dick was gone, and he wasn't coming back. He was never going to see Dick again. We would never hear his cackle. And he would never know what Dick had wanted to tell him.
He clutched at his chest as the hole inside of him grew impossibly wider, and he gasped for air that wouldn't come.
He looked up abruptly to see the door open and Kaldur enter. His friend ran to his side when he saw him.
"Wally? Did something happen?" He asked hurriedly, worried for his friend.
Wally shook his head. Physically, everyone was fine. Everyone except Dick.
"Are you okay?" Kaldur asked, to which Wally shook his head again. He was not okay in the slightest.
"I understand," he said. "I miss him too."
"Y-you don't understand," Wally managed to say.
"What do you mean?" He asked. "Talk to me, Wally."
Unable to console himself, he simply replayed the voice message.
"Oh, Wally..." his friend whispered when it was over.
"And now I'll n-never know what he wanted to tell me," Wally said through his tears.
"I know. He told me beforehand," Kaldur said.
Wally looked up at him, intrigued.
"Wally, he was going to tell you that he loved you, and he has for a long time now."
Wally buried his face in his hands, the sobs racking his body harder.
"I am so sorry..." Kaldur said, placing a hand on his back.
Wally gladly leaned into his friends embrace as his cries slowed. He could feel Kaldur's slightly shaky breathing as he cried with him. They just sat in silence until Wally cried himself to sleep up against his friend.
Dick appeared to him in his dream. He was just at his house, sitting in the backyard, when he noticed Dick sitting beside him.
"Dick?"
"Wally," he replied simply.
"How... how are you here?" He asked.
"I don't follow," Dick replied.
"I mean... weren't you just...?" He started, in reference to Dick's death.
Dick gave no answer other than a knowing smile. Wally missed seeing that smile.
"You said you'd be okay. You promised," Dick said, suddenly serious.
"Dick..." he said, not knowing what to say. "I don't know what to do with myself without you."
"You have to be. You have to try, at least. Wally, you're a blessing to the world, and you can't quit just because I'm gone."
Wally nodded, trying to hold back his tears again.
"But then... who do I go to?"
"The others," he said simply. "Who do you think has been checking in on you?"
"But, Dick... you know it's not the same."
He nodded, putting a hand on Dick's shoulder. "I know. Things are different now, but you don't have to be."
Wally nodded, end embraced Dick, leaning into him. He held onto Dick for as long as he could until he woke up.
When he did finally wake, he realized that it was Kaldur he was hugging.
"Wally? Are you awake?" He asked.
Wally nodded, letting him go, but still laying almost on top of him.
"It's going to be okay, Wally," he said.
Wally sat up, wiping his eyes.
"You're right, Kaldur. It is."
Nothing would be the same again, but they would be okay.