Chapter Text
Andrew walked down the hallway, heading toward Renee’s room to ask her to spar. Wymack had cornered him earlier that morning to lecture him about going into town when they knew assassins were after them and to take care of himself when he was injured. Andrew had stared out the window and let the words wash over him until Wymack had gotten tired of talking.
Now, Andrew needed to get some of his anger out, and Renee was always good for that.
He raised his hand to knock when he heard voices from inside and paused. Renee almost never held business meetings in her room. He leaned closer, catching the cool cadence of Neil’s voice.
“…drunk last I checked. I left Queen Winfield to deal with him,” Neil said.
Talking about Kevin then, who’d drunk more than his bodyweight in alcohol last night and apparently kept going this morning. Andrew was also leaving that for Abby.
“He was shaken up last night,” Renee answered.
“He needs to grow a spine,” Neil said, his voice sharp. A pause and then. “I hate what Riko did to him.”
Renee hummed quietly. “We can only try our best to be here for him.”
Neil didn’t answer, and Andrew could imagine what he was thinking. That being around for Kevin wasn’t the only thing they could do. They could do so much more to Riko. Andrew was already planning to end Riko for overreaching, and he couldn’t imagine Neil was going to sit back and babysit Kevin either.
“You look better,” Renee said. “You look like you slept.”
“I did,” Neil answered, his tone taking on a strange soft edge. “Andrew found me a lock for my door. Then he threatened the head housemaid not to let anyone in my room. It was…”
His voice trailed off, and Andrew pushed open the door, not wanting to hear anything else Neil was going to say about him. He hated that tone. It was like Neil appreciated what Andrew had done for him, like Andrew was…something amazing.
Their heads swiveled toward him as the door banged against the wall behind him. Renee raised an eyebrow at the lack of a knock but didn’t say anything.
“You’re not busy?” Andrew asked Renee.
“I can spare a while,” she answered then turned back to Neil. “We’re going to spar. You’re welcome to join us.”
Which was news to Andrew, but he supposed he didn’t actually hate the idea of Neil coming with them.
Neil tensed, his eyes flicking between them before he shrugged. The line of his shoulders was too hard for how casual he tried to make the movement. “Alright.”
Renee smiled and led the way out. The usually spared in a room in the basement, the floors hard cement and the torches casting a low light over everything. Neil eyed the space with a critical eye before moving to sit against a wall, tucking his legs under himself.
“Not joining us?” Andrew asked.
“I’ll watch for now,” Neil answered.
“Weapons or no?” Renee asked.
Neil’s eyes followed her movement as she crossed to the center of the room, his gaze narrowed and calculating. His body was loose, his hands curling in his lap like he was resisting the urge to reach for his own daggers. Andrew forced himself to pay attention to Renee. He wouldn’t be distracted by Neil.
“No,” he said.
Renee nodded as he stepped in front of her. He lunged right, ducking under her hand when she dodged and spun back toward her. In regular hand to hand it was always a draw up, and the first snap of his fist against her side made satisfaction buzz under his skin.
She huffed, dancing away before he could follow up. She landed the next blow, a hard kick to his left thigh that almost dropped him, but he managed to roll to the side and thrust his heel into her stomach. She grabbed at his ankle, and he twisted away, tackling her and punching her in the throat. Her knee came up into his nose and she rolled back up to her feet. She danced a few steps away as he got to his own feet.
“Break?” she asked.
It wasn’t a bad idea. Neither of them had won, and his whole body throbbed faintly. They could go another round in a minute.
“Fine.”
She smiled and went to sit heavily beside Neil. Neil had relaxed, leaning back against the wall with his knees drawn up against his chest. He tilted his head at Andrew, raising an eyebrow.
“Learn anything?” Andrew asked, sidling over to them.
“You learned to fight on the streets,” Neil answered.
It wasn’t a question. It was probably obvious from the way Andrew fought dirty. Not many nobles would use the moves he did, but then they didn’t have to fight for their lives the way he had.
“He’s a genius too,” Andrew said flatly.
Neil didn’t respond to his taunting, instead turning his head toward Renee. “You’ve gotten better.”
She smiled. “Andrew has helped me a lot in that area.”
Andrew frowned at them. They’d hinted at knowing each other numerous times. Renee had told him Neil had helped her, but never how, and he was getting tired of being kept in the dark. Neil’s eyes met his, his eyebrows furrowing like he could sense Andrew’s frustration, which was not something Andrew wanted to think about.
“I met Natalie Shields when she was still part of the Bloodhounds,” Neil said. “I was…”
He bit his lip, casting a glance at Renee. She had that blank, calm look on her face she always got when she talked about her past. The one Andrew liked the most, because it meant she’d stopped pretending like the world wasn’t cruel.
“We ran into each other right after I’d been assaulted,” she said. “I was in bad shape but refused to admit it.”
Andrew clenched his fist, feeling his fingernails dig into his palm and then relaxed his hand. Renee had told him her story. He knew what she meant by assaulted. Neil tilted his head, his eyes locked on the movement.
“I knew the Bloodhounds reputation,” Neil said. “When Natalie said she was with them, it was a pretty easy leap to guess what was happening. I offered to train her to use knives so she could kill who was hurting her.”
Andrew raised an eyebrow, wondering at everything they were leaving out. There was no way Natalie had trusted some kid she’d just met on the streets.
“Neil was the reason I was able to get away from the Bloodhounds and build a new life,” Renee said.
Neil frowned. “You would have figured it out yourself.”
“I would like to think so as well,” Renee answered. Then she stood and gestured to Andrew for them to continue.
They went another couple of rounds before they called it quits. It was close enough to lunch time that the others would probably be filing into the dining hall around now, and Andrew’s stomach gurgled hungrily at the prospect of food.
He paused when Neil turned in the opposite direction of the dining hall. “Planning to exist on air?” Andrew asked.
Neil glanced over his shoulder, his eyebrows creasing together like he didn’t understand what Andrew was talking about.
“Lunch,” Andrew said, flicking his fingers toward the dining hall.
Neil’s frown deepened. “I usually—”
“Why don’t you try joining us?” Renee asked. “Abby and Wymack will probably want to talk about last night.”
Which was not an incentive for Andrew to go, but he turned and continued. Neil’s footsteps followed after them, a soft padding against the stone floor.
They were the last ones in the dining hall by the time they arrived. Abby and Wymack were sitting at the head, Dan, Matt, and Reynolds sat on Wymack’s left and Kevin on Abby’s right. Aaron was at the other end of the table with Nicky beside him and two open spots between them and Kevin. Renee moved around to sit beside Reynolds while Andrew sat between Aaron and Kevin, leaving a spot open beside Kevin.
Neil faltered in the doorway long enough for Abby to notice him and smile. Kevin was obviously still slightly drunk beside her, his head bowed over the table as he methodically picked at his food. The rest of the table chattered enthusiastically, their voices overlapping, and Neil stepped into the room and took the seat between Andrew and Kevin, his shoulders stiff.
They had empty plates already sitting in front of them, so they could serve themselves from the food in the center of the table. Abby leaned over Kevin to pass Neil a plate of steaming potatoes as Andrew reached for the chocolate pie that was a little to the left of him.
“Hey,” Wymack said. “Eat real food first.”
Andrew waved him off and served himself a large slice.
“I’m glad you decided to join us, Neil,” Abby said.
“Thanks.” He took the potatoes from her, his eyes flicking from the door, the window, and then back to Abby’s relaxed posture.
“Are you feeling better today, Andrew?” Abby asked. “No concussion?”
“Fine,” Andrew answered, filling his plate. He passed Neil the plate of chicken he’d had.
“I’m glad Neil was there,” Abby said, smiling back at him. “Nicky told us what you did, and I wanted to thank you for taking care of them.”
Neil blinked at her, his face going through a complicated series of emotions like no one had ever thanked him before. He held the chicken in his hand for a long minute, not doing anything with it.
“You should have invited me,” Reynolds said, leaning over the table. “I missed all the fun.”
“I don’t think it was fun exactly,” Nicky said. “But Neil was really badass. I mean, you know Andrew can take people out; we’ve all seen it, but it was like one minute the guy was standing there and the next he had a knife in his eye.”
Neil put the plate of chicken down on the table, that confused, touched expression still plastered to his face.
“I’m glad no one was hurt,” Renee said.
“You know what is hurt though?” Reynolds asked. “Neil’s fashion sense. I mean, you’ve been wearing the same thing since I got here. Do you have anything else?”
“I have three—”
“He doesn’t,” Nicky interrupted. “He wore the same thing last night. It’s time to find him something new.”
“I don’t—” Neil frowned.
“Yes,” Wymack interrupted. “Take some money out of the royal treasury and get him a wardrobe. I’m sick of seeing him in the same thing every day.”
“Oh, nice!” Nicky exclaimed.
Neil blinked rapidly, twirling his fork around in his hand and staring down at his food like it held the answers to the universe. Andrew kicked his chair, raising an eyebrow when Neil startled and looked at him. Neil blinked once more time and then started eating.
Everyone continued to chatter as they ate, shifting topics and leaning over the table to talk to each other. Aaron sat sullenly in his seat for most of the meal and Kevin didn’t say much as he tried to work off some of his alcohol poisoning, but everyone else was lively.
Eventually, Wymack pushed his plate away and headed out. Renee smiled and left after him, making an excuse about needing to get some work done. Reynolds followed after her. Neil frowned after them and then got up from the table. The others waved at him, and Andrew watched him pull the door open and disappear.
Neil jerked when someone banged on his door. It was barely midmorning, the sunlight shining through the closed windows. He’d spent most of the previous day avoiding everyone after lunch and had really only gotten dressed this morning. He hadn’t anticipated how tired sleeping in a real bed would make him. His body was trying to catch up on hours.
There was another loud bang on the door. “I know you’re in there, Nate.” Kevin’s voice said.
Neil stood and crossed the room, throwing open the door. Kevin scowled at him; his eyes were clear, expression annoyed. He was obviously sober again, wearing a loose white shirt and dark pants. He looked like a picture of a prince.
“What?” Neil asked.
“We’re training,” Kevin said. Then he turned on his heel and walked away like Neil would just follow him.
Neil pressed his lips together in annoyance and trailed after him. He had agreed that he would train with Kevin. He’d done this to himself.
He was almost surprised when Kevin actually brought him to the training ground with the other knights. A couple of them turned their heads to look at Kevin and Neil; Matt waved his hand from where he was standing with a knight next to a training dummy, but Kevin and Neil were mostly ignored.
Kevin walked straight for the rack of training swords he’d chosen for Neil from last time, but he didn’t grab the same one. Instead, he picked the sword that was in the last slot of the rack. Neil tilted his head. The handle and sheath were gilded in gold with a fox paw engraving set in the pommel. It was clearly well made and very expensive, but he’d never seen Kevin use it before.
“Here,” Kevin said, thrusting the sword at Neil.
The belt for strapping the sheath to your waist swung with the motion, and Neil stared at the sword, making no move to take it. Kevin made an impatient sound in the back of his throat and shoved the sword into Neil’s chest.
“It’s yours.”
“What?” Neil lifted a hand, his fingers closing around the sword. The metal was cold, the engravings pressing into the pads of his fingers.
“I had it commissioned for you,” Kevin said. “They just finished this morning.”
Neil blinked hard against the emotion that swelled in his chest. Kevin had commissioned this for him. This sword was his.
Kevin clicked his tongue, gesturing for Neil to follow him to an unoccupied place in the middle of the training field. He was just as brutal as the last time, critiquing every move Neil made. He hadn’t shed his daggers this time, so they were an extra weight on his thighs. He was used to their weight, but he was also used to using them when he was fighting like this.
Andrew appeared after about an hour, his expression bored as he moved to stand on the edge of the training field, and Kevin snapped at Neil to pay attention when Neil missed his next feint.
“You’re sloppy!” Kevin snapped. “You’re not even trying.”
“I’m trying,” Neil answered, his voice sharp with annoyance. He hadn’t had this much trouble in a fight in years, and Kevin’s attitude was starting to make him want to throw something. Preferably at Kevin.
“You’re not,” Kevin said. His lips twisted, and he glanced around the field, landing on Andrew.
He set his jaw, flicked his eyes toward Neil one more time and then crossed the yard toward Andrew. Neil sighed, already recognizing the look Kevin got when he’d set his mind to doing something that would drive everyone else insane. He trailed after him. Andrew raised an eyebrow when Kevin stopped in front of him.
“Fight him,” Kevin said, jabbing his thumb at Neil like he was something particularly distasteful.
“I fail to see why I care about Neil’s abysmal sword skills,” Andrew answered.
“He needs to get better,” Kevin said.
“I don’t actually,” Neil answered.
Kevin whirled around toward him, his nostrils flaring. “You suck. It’s like you forgot everything you used to know. You could win tournaments if you just tried, but—”
“What tournaments, Kevin?” Neil interrupted. “I’m an assassin. I’m not going to any tournaments.”
“You could,” Kevin answered, his jaw setting like it wasn’t entirely possible Neil was going to die before they figured out how to deal with the Moriyamas, like Ichirou wouldn’t kill him if he did something so stupid.
Neil’s chest spasmed. He wanted what Kevin said to be true. Winning tournaments and practicing swordplay had always been their dream. It wasn’t meant to happen anymore.
“Like you could do something about Riko and choose to hide and drink instead?” Neil asked, and Kevin’s face lost a shade.
“That’s different.”
“Is everything alright?” Matt asked. He was only a few steps away, his face a mask of concern as his eyes flicked between Neil and Kevin.
Kevin swallowed hard, settling his face in a careful mask. He turned back to Andrew, ignoring Matt completely. “You can motivate him.”
Andrew narrowed his eyes, and Neil wondered at the comment, at what Kevin thought he knew. Andrew held Kevin’s eyes for a long minute and then his gaze moved to Neil. His expression was impassive, unreadable, and Neil wanted to know what he was thinking. He wanted to break through Andrew’s apathy and see the real him.
“Fine,” Andrew said. He shoved Kevin’s shoulder as he passed, making his way to the sword rack and then heading to the place Kevin and Neil had just been practicing.
Neil met him there. As far as he could tell, Andrew had picked one of the random practice swords. It wasn’t obviously balanced wrong, but it was plain and unadorned. He left the tip pointed toward the ground, his eyes on Neil. Matt and Kevin followed them over. Dan stopped what she was doing a few yards away, watching them with open curiosity. Several of the other knights were watching as well.
Neil waited for a beat, but Andrew still didn’t move. Neil tightened his grip on his sword and lunged. Andrew flicked his sword to the side, catching Neil’s strike with an ease that send a shudder down Neil’s shoulder. Andrew stepped into Neil’s space, his sword swiping at Neil. Neil raised his sword, and Andrew changed direction at the last second, smashing against Neil’s fingers on his pommel. Neil stumbled back, his sword flying out of his hand. It landed in the grass about a foot away, and Neil had to stop himself from reaching for his daggers on instinct.
Andrew stepped back, not even out of breath. He still looked bored. Every move he’d made had been calculated, controlled, easy. How could he be so good when he never practiced? How could— A surge of white-hot emotion swept through Neil.
He’d heard plenty of stories about Prince Andrew Minyard. He was unpredictable, violent, a monster. He defeated Riko Moriyama in that tournament last year. He was a master swordsman, but he didn’t actually care about anything.
Somehow, Neil hadn’t thought he’d be quite so good. He’d never really seemed to care about swordplay when it came up in the past. He never practiced with Kevin or the others. Neil hadn’t even seen him pick up a sword before this. How could someone so good not care about it?
“You’ll hurt yourself thinking so hard,” Andrew said.
“Again,” Neil answered.
“No,” Andrew said. He turned his back, heading for the rack. He hung his sword up and kept walking, not looking back once as he disappeared.
“He never practices with us,” Matt said.
“He’s wasting his talent,” Kevin answered, letting out a hard breath through his nose.
“Again,” Neil said, turning to face Kevin.
He wasn’t sure he understood the fire that had started in the pit of his stomach, but he wanted. He wanted to be able to beat Andrew. He wanted to make him care about this. He wanted to be able to stand next to him.
Kevin’s eyes scanned his face, and then he nodded, setting his feet.
The next week was a blur of training with the nights, learning to sleep in a bed again, attending meals with everyone else. They folded him into their circle easily, Matt chattering at him every chance he got and Dan talking strategy when Kevin wasn’t lecturing him.
He talked to Renee every day, sometimes about completely inconsequential things, sometimes about the time she’d spent between meeting him and falling in with Wymack. He avoided Aaron as much as he could, but Nicky would often catch him, chatting at him and insisting Neil help him with things around the castle.
Eventually, Reynolds and Nicky did drag him into town to buy new clothes. Most of what they picked was either too ostentatious or uncomfortable for him to ever really wear, but it was…interesting that they cared enough to make him go at all.
He saw Andrew every day. They talked at the tree they’d had their first meeting at; they saw each other at the practice sessions; he found Andrew on the roof. Sometimes they didn’t talk at all, other times they exchanged truths.
“Do you really not like swordplay?” Neil asked.
Andrew blinked at him, slowly enough to let Neil know what he thought of that question. “I don’t care enough about it to have an opinion.”
“But…” Neil trailed off, not sure what he really wanted to say.
“You’re starting to sound like Kevin,” Andrew answered.
Neil sighed, running his hand along the bark of the tree beside him.
“Why did Renee trust you to help her?” Andrew asked.
“She wasn’t the only one hurt that day,” Neil answered.
He hadn’t really been supposed to leave the castle that day, but Lola had… Neil ran a hand across his stomach, feeling the thick scars that ran along there. She claimed she was teaching him how to handle knives. It wasn’t the worst she’d done to him, but at the time, he’d just needed to get away.
Andrew turned his head to look at Neil, his gaze steady and almost bored, and Neil told him how as much as Neil had seen through Renee trying to hide her hurt, she’d seen through him as well. He told Andrew how the knives Renee had given him had originally been the pair Neil had given her, and Andrew had run a hand along his armband.
Another day, they met on the roof, the wind blowing through their hair.
“Did you really kill your mother?” Neil asked.
Andrew clenched his jaw. “I didn’t have a mother.” He tapped a knuckle against the shingles of the roof, the sound dull in the cool night air. “I warned her not to touch Aaron again. It’s not my fault she was too stupid to listen.”
And another day, they brought food to the tree with them, avoiding everyone else as they ate a late lunch. They didn’t talk while they ate, the afternoon quiet and soothing.
“How many people have you killed?” Andrew asked when they’d finished.
Neil picked at the leftovers. “I don’t know. I never really counted.” He wasn’t sure he would know even if he tried to count. He swallowed the bitter knot that stuck in his throat. “I didn’t see the point when that was all I would ever be.”
“What did Riko think he has on you?” Neil asked.
Andrew’s chest stilled, the movement of his breathing pausing. His shoulders raised half an inch. The expression on his face didn’t change at all, his eyes never wavering from Neil face, and Neil didn’t think he was actually going to get an answer. Andrew had refused the last time, but he had also promised that it wouldn’t be a problem.
“I don’t like being touched,” Andrew said, his eyes liquid amber.
Neil already knew Andrew didn’t like to be touched, but it was clear from the cadence that he said it that there was something important and significant weighted within the words. He played back the way Andrew avoided other people’s hands, the way he’d panicked when Neil went into his room, the twisted smile on the assassin Riko had sent’s face. The look in Andrew’s eyes was the same look Natalie had had.
Neil nodded and laid back in the grass. Andrew relaxed. He leaned back on his elbows, and they didn’t say anything else. Neil tilted his head toward the sunlight, letting the heat wash over him as he pushed against the anger in his chest. He would kill Riko for trying to use this against Andrew. He wanted to kill anyone who had ever touched him, but he doubted Andrew would appreciate that response.
The next day, Renee knocked on his door and held up a letter. “I thought you would want to see this as soon as possible.”
It was the same style and handwriting as the last one Jean had sent.
He knows you’re Nathaniel Wesninski
-ton soleil
Neil folded it back up. “It was faster than I thought.”
Andrew sighed when someone knocked on his door. He was in the middle of a book, the chapter finally starting to be interesting. He put it face down on the bed and walked to the door, throwing it open. Neil stood on the other side, eyes flicking up and down the hallway and feet shifting like he was about to take off running and never stop.
“What happened?” Andrew asked.
Neil’s eyes snapped to Andrew’s face, and he held out a folded piece of paper. “Jean sent another letter.”
There were only five words with a signature in French. Andrew raised an eyebrow.
“You don’t look like a Nathaniel,” Andrew said, crumpling the paper and shoving it into Neil’s chest. Andrew had never heard of Nathaniel Wesninski, but it wasn’t a surprise that Neil wasn’t real.
Neil bit his lip, his mouth twisted and eyes far away. “I was named after my father.”
He took another step toward Andrew, tracing his hand along the edge of the doorframe. He was so close Andrew could see the sunlight catching on his eyelashes. His expression so far away as to be unreachable. Andrew had plenty of suspicions about why Neil was so cagy around Wymack and Abby. He had hinted at someone hurting him badly enough that Renee would have trusted he understood her at the Main Castle, but Andrew had a feeling Neil was being hurt long before his father died.
And the idea of it shouldn’t rankle him. Andrew hadn’t known him then; he hadn’t been protecting him; he didn’t care about Neil then. But the idea of other people putting their hands on Neil made him angry in a way he hadn’t felt since Drake had taunted him about Aaron.
Andrew stepped into the hall, pulling his door shut behind him. Neil frowned and stepped back. His eyebrows were furrowed, eyes glazed. He looked on the verge of a breakdown, and Andrew doubted he wanted the others to see him have that breakdown. He snagged Neil’s wrist, tugging him along as he continued walking.
“What are you doing?” Neil asked, making no move to get free.
“We’re going for a ride,” Andrew answered.
“Renee’s gathering everyone to the meeting room,” Neil said. “She said they’d be ready in an hour.”
“They can wait,” Andrew answered, continuing to pull him along.
Neil didn’t say anything else as they made their way down to the stables. Andrew shoved Neil toward the stable he knew he kept his horse in and went to get King. She nickered at him when he opened her stall, pulling the halter over her head.
It didn’t take them long to brush the horses and tack up, and Neil already looked significantly calmer by the time they were mounting up and heading out of the stables. Andrew urged King into a trot as they took off across a gravel path and then into a field. It was a long stretch of grass bordering the edge of the forest that she always liked to run down, and Neil sped up to meet him.
They broke into a gallop quickly, the trees to the left rushing past, and Andrew had to dig his fingers into King’s mane to keep his seat. They ran for a long time, wind blowing through his hair and across his face before the horse’s started to slow down. Eventually, they came to the edge of the field, the tree line boxing them in, and they stopped.
Neil’s face was flushed, his eyes bright blue. “Did you bring me here to kill me without any witnesses?”
Andrew circled King around to face the forest. Riding was something he’d picked up as a way to get out of his own head, a place no one else could touch him. He wasn’t sure he actually liked it, but it had become a habit, something he was used to.
“It would be too much trouble to deal with your fan club if I killed you now,” Andrew answered.
Neil frowned, that same confused expression plastering itself across his face. “I don’t—”
He made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. He slid off the back of his horse, leaving the reins around her neck as he took a few steps closer to the tree line. His shoulders were tense again, drawn up around his ears. Andrew swung off King, letting her loose beside Neil’s horse.
Neil looked over his shoulder at Andrew’s approach, his expression pinched. “I don’t know what to tell them.”
“You don’t have to tell them anything,” Andrew answered. “You don’t owe them any answers.”
Neil turned toward him, his face relaxing slightly. His eyes were wide, bright blue and open like Andrew had just given him permission to exist as himself.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Andrew said, resisting the urge to shake him. He hated how Neil looked at him like Andrew was something amazing. “I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren’t mine.”
Neil tilted his head. “I’m not looking for an answer. I just—” He gestured vaguely like Andrew would have any idea what he was trying to say.
“My father put a knife in my hand before I could walk. I met Kevin and Riko in a dungeon when my father was systematically taking apart a man. They both threw up, but I remember thinking that my father was going easy on the man. I’d seen him do far, far worse to people.”
Neil swallowed. “Once I was claimed by the main family, I was trained to be a weapon. I wasn’t allowed to be or want anything that didn’t align with what Prince Ichirou said.
“But they— I don’t think I know how to be anything else. I’ve always just been…nothing.”
He looked up at Andrew, his gaze open and scared and hopeful. “I don’t want to be nothing anymore.”
Andrew knew exactly how he felt, desperately wanting something and desperately scared of losing it. He hated that he wanted to comfort Neil, that he wished there was something he could say. He hated that Neil made him want anything.
“You are always going to be nothing,” he said. “I hate you.”
“Every time you say that I believe you a little less,” Neil answered like it made perfect sense. Like he somehow saw, somehow understood. It made Andrew hate him more.
“No one asked you,” Andrew said.
His hands reached without his permission, catching Neil’s face. They slid along his jaw and behind his head, tugging at the same time that Andrew leaned in. He kissed Neil hard enough that he could feel his teeth through their lips. He kissed him like he knew he would never get another chance. His heart beat so hard in his chest he was afraid he would have a heart attack.
Neil froze against him and then his lips parted, following the motion of Andrew’s. His fingers tangled in the sleeve of Andrew’s shirt, and Andrew forced himself to pull back. Neil didn’t swing. Neil didn’t see anyone this way, and Andrew wouldn’t ask him for something he couldn’t have.
“Tell me no,” Andrew said.
Neil didn’t move, his breath hot against Andrew’s lips, and his fingers warm on his sleeve.
“Let go,” Andrew said. He grabbed Neil’s wrist and shoved it off him. His skin was tingling, his stomach roiling nauseatingly. He should never have taken what Neil wouldn’t have offered.
Those seconds touching Neil had made him feel so much. Neil made him feel so much. He hated it. He wished he could shut it off, make it go away and never think of it again.
“You like me,” Neil said, his mouth hanging slightly open, his eyes wide as if the possibility had never occurred to him.
Andrew suddenly wanted to strangle him.
“I’m not doing this with you,” Andrew said, turning and walking toward King.
“Why not?” Neil asked, his footsteps light behind him.
“Because you’re too stupid to tell me no,” Andrew answered. He grabbed King’s reins, pulling her head up from where she was grazing and swinging himself up into the saddle.
Neil blinked up at him, making no move to get his horse. His lips were slightly red, the breeze blowing his hair up around his face. “And you don’t want me to tell you yes?” he asked. Like it was even an option.
And Andrew refused to take from Neil what had been taken from him.
“This isn’t yes. This is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don’t,” Andrew said. “Now, get on your horse before I run you over.”
Neil blinked at him once, twice more and then shook his head a little. He didn’t say anything else as he went to get his horse and mount her. He didn’t say anything as they rode back or when Andrew left him in the stables after untacking. They were already late to the meeting Renee had set up.
Andrew really wasn’t as smart as he used to think he was.