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Eddie broke his resolution not even thirty minutes into the New Year.
Strong, nimble fingers ran through his hair, making a mess of his carefully coiffed styling, before settling at the nape of his neck. Then, with a slight tug, his head tipped back. His moans reverberated through the Buckley-Han guest room. Eddie felt like a slut, making no effort to suppress them, his mind filled with strong, heady desire. With his tongue he traced a vein along the side of Buck’s cock. He wrapped his hand around Buck’s base, teasing him with short, delicate touches. Jesus.
Eddie was approaching forty—only a couple years shy. After coming out, he found some solace in exploring what he liked and who he liked, and that has led to some curious self-discoveries that Eddie interrogated from every possible angle. It had been fun, but frankly, he'd had more aimless dates turned notches on his bedpost than he wanted after breaking up with Jamie a few weeks before their first anniversary six months ago. Hence his resolution. No more blowjobs. Let’s get to a third or fourth date before introducing sex into the equation. That had been Eddie's goal until Buck spent the entire night finding reasons to touch him. Buck would drape his arm around him after refilling his flute, smiling in that silly, alluring way of his. Flirting, his mind suggested throughout the evening. Eddie hadn’t been opposed to the idea. After all, he might've been encouraging Buck by leaning into his space and ducking his head coyly as if he couldn't hear him under the holiday jubilation and needed Buck to stand closer and closer. In return, Buck had remained by his side, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, never straying for anything longer than what he, Eddie imagined, deemed necessary. Buck drew the conversation towards them, which should’ve come across as rude: this was neither his home, nor his party, but Buck was a natural beacon. It was only right that their friends, his family, would drift towards his warm glow.
Maddie had switched the television on just in time to catch Anderson Cooper’s countdown. Their team was scattered across the living room, quietly watching, coupled up. Eddie and Buck were, once again, the only two single members of A-shift. Sometimes it felt like a curse but tonight the tension had shifted into something more palatable. The clock struck midnight. The crowd cheered on taped delay: Happy New Year! Then Buck’s lips were on his, and it was a surprisingly good kiss: soft and lingering, with a hint of desperation. Eddie’s hands had crept under Buck’s maroon cashmere sweater so he could pull Buck closer until Buck was sitting on his lap. He took in how smooth Buck’s skin felt under his fingertips, his hands raising up his back, drawing out what should’ve stayed short and meaningless. He could taste the champagne on his friend’s tongue, the residual mint flavor of his chapstick. He ignored their friends’ bright laughter and wolf-whistles, instead focusing on Buck's plush pink lips and “Auld Lang Syne” as it played faintly in the background. Eddie needed more. Suddenly, he was more interested in keeping his mouth on Buck than in any resolution. He hadn’t even made it official. Not really, not in the ways that matter. Earlier, Eddie had scribed down a half-hearted resolution to ‘read more books’ under his name. That earned him a judgmental glare from Hen, who’d always been more honest: That’s not what you and Karen discussed last week, she said, knowingly.
With his free hand, Eddie began teasing Buck’s balls, his light touch bringing forth a whimper.
“You look beautiful on your knees,” Buck said, his voice rough, eyes heavy and boring down at him. “Your mouth, Eddie. Shit.” Buck's grip around his neck tightened. “How are you fitting me inside? Who taught you how to suck dick?”
Eddie just moaned, breathing Buck’s musky scent in. Buck’s pubic hairs tickled his face as he slipped down the shaft, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked. He should’ve known Buck would be a talker. Buck could fill any room with chatter; he kept the conversation sharp and flowing in the station when their forty-eights turned long and never-ending. But answering him required pulling off, and Eddie couldn’t have that. His girth filled his mouth well, left him satisfied. Precum mingled with his saliva. Both dripped from his lips, making a mess of them. Stains formed on Buck's black trousers, hastily undone, pooled around his knees. Droplets even landed on Eddie's now wrinkled navy chinos. His dry-cleaner won't be impressed when he drops off his laundry next week. Eddie would be embarrassed if he didn’t love giving head so much. Some days he wondered if he liked it more than being fucked just because of the sense of power that came with knowing he could reduce a talker into a blubbering mess with the strength of his tongue alone. It gave him a sense of purpose, made him powerful. Even grounded him when he felt overwhelmed.
So Eddie closed his eyes, focusing on giving Buck his pleasure.
He pressed his left palm against the shaft of his cock while his right remained on Buck. Fuck. He’d grown so hard and wanted some relief. His cock protruded from his chinos. He couldn’t hide his arousal, nor did he want to. Eddie knew what he looked like: vulgar, eager, aching. He was leaking profusely, a wet spot formed where the crown of his cock laid. He briefly wondered if the party was still going on, if, God, his coworkers were still out there, if they knew what they were doing in the confines of this bedroom, and what they thought of him. Was that what Eddie spent the evening begging for? Buck’s fat cock in his mouth? They weren’t crass people. And they would never judge him for his proclivities. But, sometimes amid a dry spell, Eddie would take himself in his hand and imagine Buck on top of him, opening him up with his skilled hands. He came fast those nights in quiet shame, biting his fingers to muffle his cries. That they should judge. It was his biggest secret until Karen had poured him a little too much wine after a difficult shift. Los Angeles had faced record-breaking highs that day. He'd watched Buck soak through three cotton shirts, all left clinging to his well-defined abs—a true test of patience. His lips loosened and sank many ships that night. Karen swore on her life she’d never tell Hen, that she would never put either her wife or friend in an awkward situation.
Someone had finally known Eddie wanted Buck to touch him badly, and suddenly life got less lonely.
Eddie picked up his pace before pressing his tongue against Buck’s frenulum. It was possible that he took his anatomy lessons with too much zeal, but it yielded results. He knew his way around a cock.
“Fuck,” Buck spat out, keening his hips as if he was in control. “Do that again.”
Eddie looked up at him through partially closed eyes, placed his hands on Buck’s ass, then slid closer.
“Please do that again.”
Since Buck had asked nicely, Eddie did.
“You’re so good, Eds,” Buck said, panting. “You’re making me feel so good.”
Eddie’s eyes fully closed in response, soaking in Buck’s praise, savoring the way his fingers played with his hair, messaging his scalp. He opened his throat to take him down further. If you thought about it, Eddie hadn’t broken his resolution. Not really, not in spirit. If anything, it was still intact. He and Buck had known each other for a little under a decade. They were best friends and partners. Eddie knew Buck on a level he could never reach with other men even after a third or fifth or seventh or a lifetime of dates. Trusted him in ways once unfathomable. Buck was in his will and testament, had a house key in case of emergencies, even knew his allergies. Pulling on Buck’s sweater, Eddie realized he should’ve removed their clothing earlier. Undressing for Buck could’ve been something special. Maybe an appetizer before the main course. Eddie wanted all of him between his lips, wanted to mark up his chest with lasting love bites, lick his powerful thighs without his corduroy pants acting as a protective barrier. Instead, he had quickly unzipped Buck’s pants and untucked him from his tight black boxer briefs, like they were racing against the clock. Poof! So long! Too late! This couldn’t become a drunken mistake that they regretted in the harsh light of day. There will be a next time, he promised to himself.
In the meantime, Eddie listened closely to Buck’s sharp, pleading hisses. He flattened his tongue so that he could stuff more of his cock inside his mouth. After one particularly hard hip thrust, Eddie heard Buck knock his head against the wall he was leaning on. He had never pictured Chimney as a pale blue floral wallpaper guy, but Chim had explained it away as Maddie’s choice during the tour.
Buck’s legs started trembling. “Shit, I’m going to come,” he warned.
And that didn’t sound nice. Eddie didn’t want that at all. He slid up, rested his tongue on the underside of Buck’s cock. Looking up, he stared into Buck’s hazy blue eyes. Buck’s pupils were so dilated that the irises were just faint circles. His eyes must have been equally blown. He pulled off without notice, wrapped his hand around Buck’s cockhead to prevent him from coming.
Eddie stared into Buck’s eyes. “Not yet,” he said, his voice hoarse.
“What? Eddie…”
“I’m not done with you yet.”
Buck stilled. For a moment, Buck seemed ready to put up an argument. He wouldn’t have blamed him. Being edged this far in the game without notification wasn't the most polite course of action, but then Buck relaxed against the wall, a shy smile blossomed. “Okay,” Buck said, unexpectedly calm, like he hadn’t been ready to come down his throat seconds ago.
“Okay?”
“I’ll let you have your fun.” Buck tipped his head back, his words confident, defiant. “I know what you need. You like it rough, baby? Do you want to gag on my cock? Maybe we should go back to my place so I can fuck you until you’re aching.”
Immediately, Eddie melted, his body slack, conceding control. "Please, Buck. I don't think I can wait,” he sighed.
Buck caressed his cheek. “Okay, we don't have to go anywhere, baby. I can make you feel good here, too.”
Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut. Heat coursed through his veins as he allowed himself to be used. He hadn’t had his face fucked like this (rough and fast, but still unmistakably tender) since he ended things with his ex-boyfriend. That breakup had started a string of awful decisions that admittedly led to some pretty good sex. However Eddie wanted love, romance, and someone he could grow old with. He couldn’t trust his dates-turned-hookups to treat him with the type of care that he had largely taken for granted while he was with Jamie. And tonight, at this very moment, oral sex somehow felt like a natural extension of their partnership. While Buck controlled his every move from the way Eddie angled his head to how deep he took him in, he also took care of him. Eddie's toes curled while Buck kept his mouth stuffed with his cock.
Somehow, love seemed attainable again.
Eddie let out a stifled moan.
“You feel so amazing, baby,” Buck said, sounding more and more undone, his cock hitting the back of Eddie's throat. “You’re handling me so well.”
Buck’s praise left Eddie soaring to new heights, his moans grew louder. Thank God this bedroom was situated at the opposite side of the house, far away from the homeowners’ bedroom. Eddie still had to work with Chimney and, while he didn’t know Maddie as well, he knew he liked her. She had done a wonderful job raising Buck in the wake of their parents’ grief. They didn’t deserve to know how much he enjoyed having his mouth filled.
“You sound beautiful. Did you need this, Eddie? Did you need me?”
Eddie hummed his assent around Buck’s cock. He felt Buck’s thighs quiver in response. This was what he needed. Buck was who he needed and wanted. This revelation had been staring him right in the face since his probational year. All life’s signs were directing him to Evan Buckley. It must’ve been an hour past midnight. He was on his knees for his best friend in his colleague's home. In another world, this could’ve been enough. A half-broken resolution via a one-night affair but Eddie desired more.
Eddie wanted to talk, but only after he got a taste of Buck’s cum.
“Open your eyes,” Buck murmured, tangling his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “I want you to see what you’ve done for me.”
Eddie nodded his head, blinking his eyes open, and watched him smile, delighted, as he regained focus.
“There you are.”
He felt Buck’s hand drift down, caressing his neck, as his pace slowed down, hips tensing. The pressure built back up. Instantly, Eddie knew Buck was close again: the way Buck swayed was enough of a warning sign, but the rising tenor of his cries gave him a final confirmation. Eddie hollowed his cheeks in response, tightening the grip his mouth had on Buck’s cock, hoping that would be enough, that he’d finally let go.
“Eddie, Eddie, Eddie,” Buck chanted, sweat dripped down his face, his voice rising until he crescendoed and came down his throat.
Eddie tried swallowing it all, his mouth was so full; Buck’s softening cock still sat on his tongue. When he slowly pulled off, what remained of Buck’s cum dripped down his chin. He looked up and saw Buck eying him intensely.
“Get up here,” Buck said before hauling Eddie up like he weighed nothing. In different circumstances, Eddie would've been interested in testing out Buck's strength. Could Buck hold him up against the wall while inside him? But fuck, he needed to come.
Eddie watched, enthralled, as Buck undid Eddie's zipper and reached for him between his legs, Buck’s large, steady hand wrapped tightly around his cock. He whimpered, leaned into Buck’s space, his head settling on the crook of Buck’s neck, and buried his hands in Buck's brown hair. He had been rock hard for what felt like hours, even though he knew they'd only been at it for, at most, thirty minutes.
“Do you feel how hard you made me? Do you know how desperate I am?” Eddie said in between laborious breaths. He wasn’t going to last long. He couldn't wait for a response. “Please, Evan, make me come,” he begged. Buck’s grip tightened around his cock. His skills were apparent as he made quick work. With a flick of Buck’s wrist, Eddie bit back a moan as he came into his hand, then, as his head cleared and his breathing relaxed, he started laughing.
“You don’t think Chimney has spare sweatpants in our sizes hiding in the back of his closet?” he asked, smiling into Buck’s neck.
Eddie could hear Buck breathe in his ear, the quiet of the suburban neighborhood his friends reside in didn’t provide a distraction. It took a moment, but Buck started laughing, too. “No, I don’t think so.”
Buck returned with a bowl of warm water and a hand cloth, muttering, “Mads'll kill me if she ever finds out I stole one of her towels to wipe cum off your face.”
“Well, thank you for your heroics, Buckley,” Eddie said, chuckling.
Buck snorted. “I’d do anything for you, Díaz.”
At any moment, things could’ve turned awkward between them. They could have quieted down, tucked themselves back inside their pants and slipped out of the Buckley-Han home separately, proceeding to never speak about their little new year tryst ever again. Instead, he and Buck sat together on the guest bed, still laughing among themselves, their friendship clearly left firmly intact. Eddie watched Buck dip the towel into the water, wringing out the excess, before slipping his left hand under his chin. Buck was gentle as he cleaned Eddie’s face.
That gave him hope.
“Hey, Buck,” Eddie started, gathering his thoughts, “you know you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, right?”
Buck furrowed his eyebrows and chalked his head sideways, but his hand migrated to his cheek. “Of course, Eds,” he breathed out, “you mean the world to me, too.”
“So you know I’d never do anything to risk our friendship?”
“You’re not dying, are you,” Buck said, biting his lip, and looked at him with a sad, concerned smile that betrayed what, Eddie assumed, had been a joke.
Eddie went silent for a long moment. “My resolution was no more blow jobs,” he said, his gaze downcast.
Buck removed his hand, dropped the towel somewhere on the floor. He must’ve startled Buck. Eddie wished he hadn’t said anything. Buck could still be touching him. It surprised Eddie how easy it was to miss what he’d only known for an hour.
“I know the team thinks we can read each other’s minds, but Eddie, I’m not following. Are we okay?”
Eddie felt himself blush, and that made him want to hide, but he hadn’t been that man in a long, long time. “We’re okay, it’s just…I like you a lot, all right,” he explained, afraid that he’d messed things up already. Maybe he should have saved it for another time—maybe after they had gotten some sleep. Eddie had always thought clearer after a night’s rest and a pot of coffee. But Buck still was looking at him with unease glint in his eyes. For better or for worse, he had embarrassed himself, so he might as well continue. “It’s just tonight got me thinking that I’ve gone on a lot of dates since I ended things with Jamie. Some went better than others, but even when I slept with those guys, I could never trust them like…I trusted you tonight,” he paused, clearing his throat. “Buck, I think what we have together could feel a lot like love if you were willing to give me a shot.”
Buck reached for his hand, entwining their fingers, his gaze softened. “I figured yours had to be something more personal. Hen gave me a similar look when I wrote down my resolution.”
“What’s yours?”
“See what the world offers,” Buck said, steadily, squeezing his hand. “You’re my world, Eddie. I like you too. If we could build something together, that’d mean everything to me.”
“Yeah?”
“I won’t suggest we go to that breakfast spot you like for our first date—that seems like a real relationship killer for you, Eddie, but you must know you’re a catch. This feels like a dream come true.”
Eddie sighed, suddenly averting his gaze. He couldn’t believe what’s in front of him was real. He had spent all his life trying to be a good, gracious person, and he had let all his previous partners down. While Eddie did want to try with Buck, that didn’t make him a catch. “I’m a thirty-eight year old gay widower with a teenage son,” he said, plainly.
“And you’ve raised Christopher wonderfully.”
“Evan…”
Buck pulled Eddie into an abrupt kiss, silencing any further thoughts. “Tuesday, eight o’clock,” Buck whispered when he leaned back. Eddie couldn’t help but to stare at his lips as he spoke. “We’re not on shift. I’ll make a reservation at the Italian place I know you’ve been dying to try. If things go well, and I have a feeling that they will, you can spend the night.”
Eddie took a deep breath. A new year had begun. Here was his opportunity to break old habits and create new ones. “Should I pack an overnight bag as a precaution?” he asked, his palm settling on Buck’s chest as he leaned in to kiss him again.
“Don’t you dare,” Buck replied with finality. “I’m curious to see how good you look in my clothes.”
*