Archive of Our Own ^beta

…..

🎶Al Bowlly – Guilty 🎶

Is it a sin, is it a crime

Loving you, dear, like I do?

If it's a crime, then I'm guilty

Guilty of loving you

….

THE ORDER

Yongsun watched carefully as Byulyi was washing the dishes.

Byulyi looks so small, she thinks.

Yongsun tighten her fists a bit.

Her heart aches a bit seeing the thin figure in front of her, and Yongsun knows exactly why.

“Eliminate the star,” is the last message she received through her flip phone.

…..

THE GREY SUITCASE

Byulyi, despite being a genius and such a tech-savvy kind of person, is a very conventional person. She would rather keep a physical record of everything instead of having the digital ones.

It is because she knows exactly the risks of using the cloud system on this planet, Solar thinks.

Solar knew there is something with the grey suitcase on Byulyi’s room. After observing her for almost a while now, she knew nothing is more precious to Byulyi than her grey suitcase that is being kept tightly under her bed.

So, on a one fine day when Byulyi was walking her corgis outside, Solar opened it.

Opening the suitcase’s lock was easy. And what was inside didn’t really surprise Solar.

It is indeed the list, the more detailed version of it.

The blacklist – as in the confidential list – with the data of people that Byulyi were researching at that time.

There are various people. There are some real creeps such as child predators, human traffickers. Some of them are politicians -with presumedly clean records- or just some regular businessmen, until you read Byulyi’s notes behind these people. And some of them are other agents, spies, from all over the world: CIA, KGB, Mossad, or even Solar’s own colleague from NIS* itself, you name it.

*National Intelligence Service (South Korea)

“Is this it?” Solar was surprised as the list seemed a bit short. But looking at the time stamps that Byulyi thoroughly put, it seemed that this list is just the list that Byulyi researched recently.

So I must go look at this list at another time and see what happens, Solar thought, while trying to scan each of the documents using her scanner device, designed like a small camera.

Hence, there goes Solar’s mission every month. When Byulyi was out somewhere from her house, Solar will go through her grey suitcase and scan everything needed to report to her supervisors at the special task force in NIS.

Everything is so easy, actually.

Very easy that Solar was a bit suspicious that everything has been planned accordingly.

But Solar was designed to serve and follow orders only, knowing this should benefit her country further. So, she buried her strange train of thoughts deep down, keeping a low priority on it for now. I must follow the orders first, I can try to investigate further simultaneously anyway.

Peeking through the grey suitcase now becomes a routine for Solar every month. She will religiously wait for Byulyi to go outside then have a peek through all the list that Byulyi put inside the suitcase.

Though, on a cloudy day of November, the suitcase feels a bit lighter than usual.

There is only one person for this time’s list.

Solar held her breath as she saw the photo of the only person in the list.

It was a familiar, no, VERY familiar face. She doesn’t need to think twice to recognize the photo in front of her.

-

Solar was utterly shocked when she saw the front page of the note that she is currently holding.

“I know you, Solar.”

Before she got a chance to turn over to new pages, Solar was surprised by the familiar low voice.

“I always know about you,” Byulyi continued, while leaning on the doorframe.

Byulyi looks at Solar deeply with her brown eyes, and Solar loosens her fists a bit.

That should mark the first time in Solar’s life that she lets her guard off, over a pair of brown eyes (or maybe because of the glasses, the nerdy looking glasses were the one who perhaps made Solar weak on her knees).

….

<<<rewind>>>

THE ASSIGNMENT

Special task force of ‘The Blacklist’ was made specifically to monitor a person – a hacker – known as Moonstar, later being identified as Moon Byulyi.

As a newly recruited agent, Solar was assigned directly to the special task force.

Initially, Solar was questioning on what made this Byulyi person is so special.

A special task force designed for one person? Isn’t that a waste for a lot of resources?

But as Solar was being told about the chronological order about the reasonings behind the special task force, she finally got the gist.

Byulyi isn’t a nobody.

At first, there was a leak. An intentional leak of world’s most dangerous secrets that is being sent directly to NIS.

The leak was intentional but also, nobody was believing it before as it was too good to be true.

As more leaks were coming to their way, NIS started to take things more seriously. They investigated some of the cases being leaked, and it turns out that the leaks contained the truths – a dangerous truth.

They traced the person behind it and it was also obvious that the person doesn’t seem to put much effort in covering their own identity. Moonstar, a.k.a Moon Byulyi.  

Moon Byulyi is actually no one, according to the official records.

She was born in Bucheon, in a very simple family. She is smart, just a decent level of smart, that she keeps being in the top 10 in her previous schools. She is currently a computer science student in SNU, which further proves about how smart she is, although it doesn’t mean that she could hack unto the world’s most secure databases.

Formally, from what’s written on the paper, she is not that special.

“But we must observe her.”

“She could be useful. So, observe her, and protect her, until further notice. I think that’s it for now. You understand your assignment clearly, Solar-ssi?” asked Do-Hoon, the coordinator of the special task force.

“Yes.”

….

<<a bit forward>>

THE ENCOUNTER

Kim Yongsun is now Solar’s persona, a carefully constructed identity that Solar crafted to become closer to Moon Byulyi.

Byulyi is an introverted and shy girl.

So Yongsun must be extroverted, bubbly, and charming. She must be brave to initiate conversations and any kind of activities to Moon Byulyi.

Byulyi is a computer science student in SNU.

But Solar can’t be a computer science student as it might be too obvious. Solar decided she would be covering as a social science student, as it might be easier if -in anyway- Byulyi caught one of her readings or reports, she could maybe disguised those as her assignments for her social science classes.

Byulyi is indicated as a lesbian.

“Huh?”

It is amusing for Solar that even someone’s sexuality could be written in the report like this. But well, Solar thinks that it is still a relevant fact anyway, in which she should make Yongsun as a open-minded kind of person for Byulyi.

Solar made such long notes on how to construct Kim Yongsun, with a little bit of her own personality here and there, so it would seem a bit natural.

Perfect, she thinks.

Kim Yongsun is actually perfect for Moon Byulyi.

Their encounter was even being planned carefully by Solar.

She knows Byulyi is a frequent visitor of SNU’s library. So she picked one rainy day and stole Byulyi’s umbrella that is being put inside the locker room.

“Where the fuck is my umbrella,” cursed Byulyi.

Byulyi was sure the umbrella was there when she entered the library.

“Fuck, someone stole it again,” Byulyi thought. She was getting prepared to just run and go through the heavy rain outside.

“Fuck,” Byulyi sighed, until someone tapped on her right shoulder.

“Do you want to share the umbrella? Mine is big anyway. Where are you heading?” said a round-cheeked girl with brown hair. She’s cute, Byulyi thinks.

“Uhh… are you sure? I’m going to F building, you know, the big lecture hall. But it’s fine if-“

“No shit I’m going to there as well. I have a class… umm.. an intro to project management?”

“Huh really?? I’m going to that class too. Ah such a great coincidence, but you really don’t mind of sharing your umbrella, right?”

Yongsun grinned a bit. “Of course not, why would I mind? Let’s go, before we’re late. I’m Yongsun, Kim Yongsun, by the way.”

“Moon Byulyi,” replied Byulyi, with a bright smile on her face.

As they walked through the heavy rain, Yongsun got to know Byulyi a bit better. She noted a lot of details about Byulyi inside her mind.

She is not that shy, she talks very well, actually.

She likes ballads and old music. I can search more about that later, so we can have a lot to discuss.

She likes tteobokki. I like that too, we can eat together next time.

She has nice smile, but her Indian dimples truly complete her cute look.

Huh. Yongsun caught herself thinking about how cute Byulyi is. It’s fine, a target can be cute too, right?

As they went deeper into the rain and their shoulders brushed slightly with each other, Solar find herself she can actually enjoy her current task right now.

She is decent, easily likable, I can get close to her in no time, Solar thinks confidently.

….

<<a bit forward again>>

FRIENDS?

It’s not that hard to incorporate Kim Yongsun into Byulyi’s daily life.

Albeit being reserved, Byulyi is actually a very funny and caring person.

But a bit (or very much, actually) greasy and clingy.

Jeez, if she can edit Byulyi’s personality to be without those two aspects, Yongsun might like her more.

⭐ Moonbyul

Unnieeeee do you miss me???

Unniieeee

Yongsun-unnieee

Yongsunniieee

Yongg

Yongsun 🌻

wHATT

don’t you have something else to do?

⭐ Moonbyul

Nope nope….

Coz I can’t get you out of my mind~

Yongsun 🌻

IC

so you wanna come?

⭐ Moonbyul

YES

Comin in 15

Yongsun 🌻

the next time you come over, you should pay the rent.

MY RENT.

⭐ Moonbyul

I’ll bring tteobokki.

Yongsun 🌻

I said the next time, k?

This is a nice progression, Solar noted. She has inserted Kim Yongsun unto Moon Byulyi’s life.

Friends, check ✅.

Best friends, check ✅.

Now, what’s the next step to truly become inseparable to Byulyi’s life? 

Solar's thoughts were stopped when she heard someone’s knocking on her door.

“Special delivery,” Byulyi popped in with a huge tteobokki’s plastic bag when Yongsun opened the door.

“Aish…. Come in.”

.

“You know, Wheein asked me the other day,” Byulyi murmured while chewing her tteobokki. They were eating in peace while watching a reality show.

“She asked what?” asked Yongsun.

“Well, you know, Wheein will be moving to a new city soon so she asked whether I know someone who might want to take over her place.”

“You mean her two-rooms apartment? Is Hyejin-ah going to move with her as well?”

“Yes. You know how inseparable they are. Anyway, her contract is still due for another year and it would be better to rent it to someone she knows or might know. Do you know someone, perhaps?” Byulyi asked. Her sentence felt like there was something else she wanted to say, but she definitely held back a bit.

“No, but..”

Solar thought, this is it. This is the chance.

She thought before on how to level up their relationship from best friends to something else.

Roommates, yes, why not?

This is exactly what next level is, being roommates can make her task of observing and being close to Byulyi much more easy.

“-but I know two people who’s practically has lived together and probably wouldn’t mind to move there,” Yongsun continued. There is an excitement behind her voice that she couldn’t really hide.

“Oh, who?” Byulyi looked at Yongsun expectantly.

Yongsun smirked.

“Us.”

This must be fun, right? Living with Moon Byulyi. I like her enough to do that, and it would make my job way easier.

…..

<<forward again>>

THE STRANGE FEELING

Maybe I'm wrong dreaming of you

Dreaming the lonely night through

If it's a crime, then I'm guilty

Guilty of dreaming of you

..

Solar doesn’t understand since when.

Since when she starts to experience a strange ache when she is looking at Moon Byulyi.

Since when she finds Byulyi’s touch, or Byulyi’s overall presence, to be comforting.

But she is trying to bury all of her ‘weird’ feelings deep down.

I got into my Kim Yongsun’s role a bit too much, that now I like Byulyi too much too. But Solar… Solar is different. She wouldn’t like Byulyi at all, she wouldn’t even glance to her at first.

Thus, Solar continues her role. If it’s just Kim Yongsun, it’s fine to like her a bit.

Kim Yongsun is too used to Byulyi’s presence anyway. I created her as Byulyi’s perfectly crafted best friend, soulmate, whatever you call it.

.

.

That night, it was strangely snowing in October.

Byulyi hasn’t returned home, more than an hour after her last text message saying that she would be home soon.

It’s strange… Yongsun thinks.

She can usually reach home in just half an hour from the campus.

She could make a stop somewhere first.

Maybe she got hold by her friend.

But no, something is strange.

Solar has been trained to trust her guts a lot. As it might be a signal for the dangers ahead.

She really has a bad feeling about this.

She quickly pulled out her phone and dialed Byulyi’s number.

No answer.

Second call.

No answer again.

Third call.

“Hello,” an unfamiliar voice was answering from the other side.

“Who is this? I don’t think you’re Byulyi?”

“Ah, yes. Are you perhaps Moon Byulyi’s guardian? I’m a nurse in SNU hospital. Moon Byulyi is currently in the emergency room -don’t worry she’s fine- but she might need some help to get home. I also need her guardian to sign some papers, so it would be better if you could come here.”

Yongsun – or Solar – or Yongsun, well it doesn’t really matter, feels her heart jumps out a bit. So she rushes to the hospital.

And there she finds Byulyi -her Byulyi- lying on one of the beds in the emergency room.

“What happened?” asked Yongsun to one of the medical providers.  

“There was an accident with the 50 bus near SNU. It slipped a bit, well it could happen in this kind of weather. There are some casualities, some were badly injured, but I think your friend over there is fine, just some fractures here and there but nothing maj-”

Yongsun didn’t exactly hear the last words from the nurse, because she can’t resist the urge to hold Byulyi.

Her Byulyi.

Words can’t describe her relief when she holds Byulyi tightly, still warm, still alive.

She is still alive.

.

On the way to the hospital, Yongsun keeps thinking about her job.

Her actual job.

And Byulyi’s actual role in this world.

Byulyi could be targeted at any time and Yongsun is stupid if she thinks that Byulyi is forever safe under her wings.

No, most certainly not.

.

“Unnie…” Byulyi said, weakly.

“Byul-ah, are you okay?? No, you must be hurt, but w-where do you feel pain??” asked Yongsun hastily. She could feel some tears running through her eyes right now.

“I- I think I’m fine, unnie. It’s just my hand, I think, and a bit of my shoulder, that are a bit hurt.”

“You.. I – I thought something happened. I thought, I thought I can’t see you any-“ Yongsun’s words were cut as Byulyi was holding Yongsun tightly. I’m here, she said. It’s okay Yongsun, I’m here, Byulyi constantly repeated the lines as her free hand was caressing Yongsun’s hair.

Byulyi’s scent lingers even after she has released her tight hug.

Byulyi always smells good, even if it is mixed with the typical hospital smell.

And Solar still doesn’t know why there is a sweet but painful ache when she remembers Byulyi’s scent.  

.

.

….

<<a bit forward again>>

FAITH

“CIA and Mossad are making an alliance to ‘secure’ your girl.”

Huh.

“Apparently her recent lists pissed them off. Her lists actually exposed some of their higher-ranking officials to the dark world and now they’re looking for her.”

“So what should we do? Should we secure her too, or..?”

“No. Don’t move for now. I’ll give you the order when it’s time. Meanwhile, look more into who she’s working for. I thought she was trying to play Batman for South Korea for a while, that’s why I let her be, but it seems like with her current lists, she’s trying to stir a whirlwind -to provoke- for these countries to start a war.”

Agent Solar knew this is finally the time. Her Byulyi is no longer safe.

She does feel recent Byulyi’s lists are a bit strange. A lot of them are well-known agents, politicians, and all of them are supposedly South Korean’s allies.

Byulyi felt like she was trying to provoke her own country.

But Solar still follows orders, although she now has a seed of doubt inside her mind.

Days and nights spent with Byulyi made her aware that Byulyi, despite being annoying, is not capable of hurting anything or anyone.

She is kind and gentle, although Solar -of all people- should know that people can always act. They can always wear a mask and sincerity is a priceless commodity.

She has a bit of doubt, that’s why she wants to know more. Why, Moon Byulyi? What’s your reason?

“Oh, and one more thing,” Do-Hoon suddenly spoke again.

“That night, the bus accident, an intel confirmed it was intentional. Apparently, it was more of a small threat, a warning for her. CIA was behind this.”

 …..

<<<back to the grey suitcase>>>

“I always know about you,” Byulyi said without any hesitation.

Solar turned back, facing Byulyi.

She loosens her fists a bit, and stared back to Byulyi.

Byulyi seems to be holding back a lot. Her eyes are glistening with tears, as if she was regretting what she is doing right now.

Solar saw those pleading eyes, and she gave up.

She stripped down her last line of defense.

This is it.

Solar remembers the last order from her supervisor.

Eliminate the star.

Solar smiled, while looking at her Byulyi. She immediately grabbed something from her pocket.

…

<<forward>>

THE CLEANING

Wheein and Hyejin were sitting patiently in the waiting room when a doctor finally appeared in front of them.

“The DNA result is out. The bodies found in your apartment unit is confirmed to belong to Kim Yongsun and Moon Byulyi. I’m sorry for having to deliver this bad news for you, but I hope this can give you a bit of closure,” the doctor said, almost emotionless.

Wheein and Hyejin finally let out their tears and sobbing a lot.

Two of their best friends died simultaneously.

That day, an explosion -presumed from a reckless use of gas stove- destroyed their whole apartment building whilst Yongsun and Byulyi were still there.

Stupid.

Stupid Yong-unnie and Byulyi-unnie.

Wheein tried to wipe up her tears but it just seemed to be a bit useless, as Hyejin was still crying so loud too.

They keep crying and sobbing in the waiting room, until a woman approached them.

“Hey.”

Wheein looked up. The woman in front of her is very skinny, a bit old, with short bob and kind of grey hair.

“You might need this. To cheer you up,” said the strange woman before she walked away.

Wheein looked at her hand and found two chocolates, given by that woman.

Sugar can cheer me up a bit, maybe.

“Hey Hyejin, do you want to eat this? That lady gave these to us, you haven’t eaten too, right?”

Wheein opened the wrap a bit to let Hyejin bite the chocolate directly. When she opened the wrap, she found a writing underneath the plastic wrap.

Huh.

She quickly opened the wrap, as well as the other chocolate.

“Jeez slow down Wheein-ah, are you that hungry?” said the oblivious Hyejin.

Wheein ignored Hyejin’s remark and proceeded to open all the wraps and read the writings in there.

--

Wheein turned her head and find that skinny short-haired grey-hair woman is staring back at her, then nodded a bit.

“Hyejin, I think we can save our tears.” said Wheein, finally a bit optimistic.

…..

<<<rewind to the grey suitcase>>>

“I always know about you,” Byulyi said.

Then Solar -or Yongsun- smiled. She grabbed something from her pocket.

A notebook.

“Yes. I do aware.”

Byulyi was surprised with her smile and her unexpected response.

“You-you knew?”

“Yes.”

“So you know I always intentionally left you the lists?”

“Yes.” Solar said, proudly.  She then continued, “You know about me, and I always know about it. I made you aware about who I am, I don’t intend to hide it, and I actually let it loose since a few while ago.”

“But why?”

“Because I want this. I want you to confront me. I want you to find out about me.”

“And why is that??”

Solar walked a bit closer to Byulyi. Her movement startled Byulyi a bit, that Byulyi must step back.

“N-no. Stop right there,” Byulyi said. “Please explain yourself first.”

Yongsun nodded calmly.

“Sure. I want you to find me, since we’re running out of time, Byul-ah. CIA and Mossad are looking for you, and I think my supervisor is no longer interested in keeping you in. You’re no longer an interesting asset for South Korea, he thinks, as you endanger our political and international policy stability.”

“Y-You… but why are you telling me this? Don’t you… wouldn’t you get fired..? Or even worse..”

“That’s why, I want you to read this.” Yongsun replied, while handing over her notebook to Byulyi.

“I will be in my room, Byulyi. Just knock when you’re ready to talk.”

.

Byulyi opened the notebook Yongsun gave to her a while ago.

The first pages were a report about Byulyi, a formal written report about her usual information and background.

It goes a bit detailed as more pages go by. After hitting the middle pages, it becomes a bit more like Yongsun’s diary instead of a formal report.

.

.

.

.

Byulyi turned to the last page of the notebook. There is a handwritten message in there, titled “my reflection”.

.

--

.

.

“I always know you are spying on me. But I let it be, since I’m the one who let you guys enter my life.”

Byulyi said after opening the door to Yongsun’s room.

Yongsun was still sitting on one side of her bed.  She didn’t dare to turn her back and look at Byulyi, at least for now. But she kept listening as Byulyi kept talking.

“Let’s just say the formal report is a lie. I’m not actually a nobody. My father was the human right activist that the former president killed a few years ago. I changed that tiny bit of detail in my formal record,” she continued.

Byulyi sighed a bit. “I just want to continue my father’s legacy to fight for humanity. So I enter through the system, through you and the whole NIS. I didn’t side with anyone, I just want the best for people. People that my father fought for.”

“And I work alone, mostly. Because I wouldn’t dare to risk anyone’s safety. I’m capable anyway.”

Byulyi keeps talking. She seems a bit distant, trying to avoid Yongsun’s glances at her.

“But as I continue with the lists, I found out about the whole war, the whole genocide being planned. NIS, CIA, Mossad, and some other allies are gathering resources to make it happen. I thought it was so fucked up that I changed the pattern of my lists.”

Byulyi redirected her gaze to actually look at Yongsun now.

“I know I was running out of time and someone will kill me anyway, just like what they did to my father. So I was prepared. I will do what I can with the time I have left, then just be prepared of accepting my end of time. I know the bus was not an accident. I’m fully aware of that.”

“I see. I have a bit of suspicion myself that you always know what happened around you. So I was right then,” Yongsun responded.

Yongsun suddenly stood up to walk towards Byul, and now their eyes are on the same level with each other. They are facing each other, staring deeply inside whoever is the real person behind Kim Yongsun and  Moon Byulyi.

Byulyi’s eyes are now changed from full of wariness to full of affection and adoration when she stared directly at Yongsun. “But there is this tiny bit of my life that I feel a bit hesitant about. You,” she said. “You… I’m not stupid nor dense. I know my feelings for you were real. But I don’t know you, I don’t know when you’re being sincere or not, I don’t know the real you.”

Yongsun nodded, understandingly.

Byulyi cleared her throat a bit. “But I do care about you. Despite I know you might hurt me in some ways or another.”

“Byul..”

“That’s why I tried to confront you with the report in the suitcase. And I’m glad. I’m glad that I can see a bit of Solar, and I must say, I still like her just like I like Kim Yongsun.”

Byulyi then grabbed Yongsun’s hands. Both of her hands. She look at her again, expectantly.

“And you said to have faith in you.”

“I do.”

“But do you have faith in me?”

“I always do.”

And both of them are now sure. That if they are together with each other, perhaps, just perhaps, they can alter their fate a little bit.

…

What can I do, what can I say

After I've taken the blame?

You say you're through, you'll go your way

But I'll always feel the same

Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong

Loving you, dear, like I do

If it's a crime, then I'm guilty

Guilty of loving you

.