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All of this is your fault!
I didn't mean to....
Give me back my son
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Cursed
Stay away from me and my family
Don't leave me alone...
Don't touch me
Why are you looking at me with that face? I swear I didn't mean to....
Why can't you just die?
I don't know.
Yuji won't you give this old man one hug before he goes?
you know I can't ji chan
Yuji. Don't cry
Those green eyes still haunt Yuji even after the nightmares dream is over. He is shivering but Yuji's not sure if it is because of the winter air or his clothes drenched in cold sweat, maybe it is a little bit of both. He can hear his own heart thumping loudly, its potency increased further by the echoes bouncing off the wall. Yuji didn't need to look at his reflection to know the mark sealing his fate on his forehead is burning bright red, its throbbing in sync with the erratic beat of his heart. The searing pain is only registered once he has calmed down enough.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry....."
You can repeat those words for eternity but it will not wash away the blood on your hand, it won't erase your sin. You knew it from the start didn't you—
"I'm sorry gumi, ji chan"
—you only bring death and suffering to people around you, that you're cursed.
"Yuji!!!"
"...Nobara"
"You're going to be late if you do that, blaming yourself over things out of your control. Stop crying stupid"
His hand moves on its own. The feeling of wetness on tips of his fingers as he touches his face proving what his friend already said. Did his cry alert his friend or is his scent at fault. If the way Nobara is clutching sleeves of her kimono to her nose is to be considered, it's probably the latter.
"I'm sorry for worrying you but I'll be fine now. Get out before you suffocate to death."
Nobara replies "You don't have to tell me. Just who do you think I'm?" huffing fondly as she turns to leave the room. But before she passes the threshold he calls for her one more time.
"Nobara"
"Thank you" for everything goes unsaid.
"Stupid potato." There is fondness in her voice as she says that.
"Thank me by taking me to the central market coming spring"
"Umm"
"You swear?"
"I swear. Now leave I have to get ready as well."
The gravestone stood out like a sore thumb in the endless field of snow. Even now Yuji finds it hard to accept what the name carved into the stone means. Yuji knew but he didn’t want to acknowledge it.
"You are spacing out."
"Maki san!"
Yuji will pretend he didn't see the pity in other's eyes. One would think that after all this time Yuji would get used to the pity but the truth is no matter how many years pass, Yuji will never get used to it.
"Itadori, you know it's not your fault, right?"
His silence an answer in itself.
"Listen to me carefully Itadori. Megumi......
The ride back to the estate is sombre and there's an itch just underneath his skin to fill the void with something, anything, for the silence is too loud. It reminds him of what he lost, what he could have if not for....
Yuji is drowning and he's too tired to swim up. He just wants to rest his eyes for a little bit. Maybe he'll get to see gumi and ji chan again in his dreams. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.
The distant sound of waves crashing over each other lulls him further, promising him of everything he desires.
I want to see them again
And just like a puppet whose strings got cut, Yuji falls.
"Yuji!!!" Nobara cries out in worry however Yuji long gone doesn't hear her desperate cry. And unlike what she and others had expected, the fall from horse doesn't end up with harsh crash with the snow covered path instead, it ends with the timely intervention of an stranger, worse an alpha.
"Phew! I caught him right on time."
The white-haired stranger then proceeds to check the pulse of the omega on the cusp of drop that he just saved not noticing how eerily quiet it has become.
And unbeknownst to Yuji, his whole world has turned upside down with a mere touch.
"Yuji, I don't know what the future holds but you'll never have to face anything alone. Its a promise."
"Don't cry stupid. I hate to see tears in your eyes."
"I want you to live long and happy by my side Yuji"
liar
Consciousness comes to Yuji with a sense that something has changed like an object misplaced slightly from its original place unnoticeable if not due to intimate familiarity with it. Then the smell hits him. Yuji can pick up the smell of the sea with a hint of blooming lotus clinging on him. The scent is already new to him, with him being doused in it even stranger. It’s an alpha scent Yuji is sure of it then.... panic overrides any curiosity within him.
"Hold your horses potato head. The guy is fine"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure"
"And he's an alpha? Then how did he..."
"You're thinking too much. But yes, he's an alpha and it's not just you who's shocked, all of us are."
For a while both don't speak, lost in what this new development could mean then Nobara breaks the silence.
"And before that, lets talk about you. Did you how worried everyone was when you suddenly passed out like that? You nearly went into a drop. I should've known something like this would happen again. We're also here for you, aren't we? Don't go forgetting us stupid potato." Nobara had always been spitfire of an omega but Yuji knew this time she was truly angry with him and he couldn't fault her for it.
"I'm sor..."
"-sorry. I know that idiot. How long have we known each other? At least rely on me, will you?"
"I already do"
Nobara only sighs as if she is dealing with a difficult kid (which he's not. He's 22 years old for crying out loud) making him pout.
"lets go. I know you're excited to meet him."
"He's here?"
"Of course, he is. Did you think I would let him go before you can meet him? And here I thought you knew me. But warning ahead, that man is one difficult alpha to deal with."
"Why? Is he that aggressive?"
"No. You 'll see what I mean when you meet him."
The first thought that came to Yuji’s mind after seeing the white-haired alpha properly for the first time is
—Pretty just like gumi
Yuji came to understand what Nobara meant when the alpha boldly asked him to call him by his first name.
“Satoru”
“Huh?”
“Call me Satoru.” Yuji could only look at Nobara brows furrowing in confusion and back at Satoru.
Not that Yuji had any problem with it but usually this privilege was only given to one’s pack mates or someone they intend to court. Yuji was none of those. Still if Satoru san wanted him to call him by his first name, then Yuji will do so.
“Then call me Yuji, Satoru san”
Maybe that’s why he asked him to call him by first name as well. It’s only fair. In a way, the alpha reminded him of gumi both uncaring of societal norms. Though Yuji notes both of them are quite different from each other. He wonders how gumi would’ve behaved around the eccentric white-haired alpha but stops as soon as he realises what he’s doing.
“Are you leaving Satoru san?”
“I think I’ve more than overstayed my welcome Yuji kun.”
“Where will you go in such weather?”
It was true. This year winter has been merciless with frequent blizzard gracing them with its presence drowning everything in heavy blanket of snow making it impossible to travel long distance effectively. But that is not the reason behind his hesitation, not completely at least. Yuji himself isn’t sure of his intentions.
“I’ll manage somehow.”
“Are you worried about your pack mates?”
“I don’t have one to tell you the truth.”
“Then please stay until the weather has become more clearer.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose on you any further Yuji kun.”
“You’re not doing anything like that. You saved my life Satoru san so please let me repay your kindness.”
“Yuji kun! You’re not being fair. How can I say no when you say it like that.”
Did he step out of his line? Yes, and Yuji would probably come to regret it in the future too. But for now, the uneasiness boiling hot inside him simmers down and that’s enough for him.
Work is few during winter so Yuji finds himself gravitating towards the alpha most of the time. Satoru san is like a star and Yuji being simply Yuji is unable to resist the pull of the star. Yet he maintains a distance through sheer will so that the star keeps on burning brightly.
Each time their fingers brush against each other while walking together, Yuji feels pure fear grip his heart and for a second it stops beating. Cause even after seeing the evidence for himself and multiple witness to their first contact, he’s afraid that the first time was nothing more than a fluke, afraid that the star will burn out too quickly from his mere touch.
Then why do you hesitate to let go of the star?
Yuji doesn’t know.
“Yuji kun”
“Yes?”
“How did you get this?” Satoru san asks pointing towards the identical scars on his cheeks just below his eyes. Both of them had become used to each other presence by now so it doesn’t really surprise Yuji that the alpha would ask about the obvious scar.
“It’s from my mother.”
Yuji doesn’t have any memory from the time when the scar got etched into his face permanently but he knows the story by heart. Ji chan wanted him to know. Considering it important in order for him to understand the gravity of the curse he bore.
“I see.”
“You don’t want to ask me why?”
“Can’t say I’m not curious but I’ve a feeling it might end up making you sad and I hate seeing tears in those eyes.”
For a moment, Yuji sees the face of a ghost with a faint smile instead of Satoru san. The desire to hold that face close to his own, and say those words he never got to told like a mantra comes back ten folds then it’s gone again leaving behind only the concerned gaze of Satoru san.
“It’s fine Satoru san. I don’t mind sharing it.”
“My father passed away soon after my birth and my mother who couldn’t bear the loss of her mate started to become more of an empty husk with each passing day. It was like something had snapped inside her. She blamed me for the loss and on one particularly bad day of her, she carved this scar on me. After that incident my mother was never allowed near me. She passed away few years later possibly from heart break. I don’t recall much of her.”
“Do you hate her for that?”
“I don’t.”
“Yuji kun is very kind.”
You’re wrong, my mother had every right to do what she did. He thinks to himself though he never dares to utter it out loud.
Yuji doesn’t know when did their time together changed from being dreadful to something he excitedly looked out for, doesn’t know when the alpha managed to carve out a space in his heart, doesn’t know when did he start to see the alpha as his own person.
“Yuji kun”
“Yes, Satoru san?”
“Close your eyes for a while, will you?”
“Do I have to?”
“Yes, otherwise it will spoil the surprise.”
“Fine. Fine.”
Yuji could feel his loose hair being pulled gently together and fastened upwards in a secure bun. A gesture he hadn’t expected from the alpha but one that was greatly appreciated.
“Satoru san you didn’t have to.”
“But I wanted to. Now, open your eyes Yuji kun.”
As soon as he opened his eyes, he was greeted by his own reflection. A mirror! How come Yuji hadn’t noticed the mirror. He immediately turned towards Satoru san only to find out that the other was already looking at him.
“Yuji kun, I brought the mirror for a reason. You haven’t seen the surprise yet.” The alpha says teasingly. Yuji turns back to the mirror again and notices the hairpin partially sticking out from his bun. He gently traces the design etched into the hairpin with his finger silently appreciating its craftsmanship.
“It reminded me of you, more specifically your scent.”
“My scent?”
“Umm. Sweet peach and honey. But it also matches your hair. Do you like it?”
“It’s really beautiful Satoru san.” And Yuji was sure it was quite expensive as well. He didn’t really deserve it.
“I can hear your thoughts already Yuji kun but I’m not taking it back. Consider it as a thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Thank you, Satoru san. I’ll cherish it forever.”
Maybe it started when the alpha traced his scars and whispered beautiful in his ears when he thought Yuji was asleep, maybe it started when the alpha looked at him shocked after he managed to break out genuine laughter from Yuji, maybe it started when the alpha placed a hair pin with peach blossom design in his hair stating it reminded him of Yuji. All Yuji knows is that he allowed it to happen.
A part of Yuji is scared to acknowledge this. The mark then starts to thrum again reminding him of his place. What would the alpha think when he finally learns the truth that Yuji has been hiding? Will he look at him with fear in his eyes? Will he leave him behind like the rest? Is Yuji replacing him with gumi? Did he forget about gumi already?
Guilt eats him from inside out leaving him hollow.
“The winter is about to end soon. You know what that means right?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Nobara.”
“Oi, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Are you not going to say anything?”
“It’s better this way.”
“And why is that? Is it because of the curse or is it related to Megumi?”
He doesn’t give her any answer.
“Both then. You know the curse doesn’t work on him, right? As for Megumi, he only wanted you to be happy, idiot.”
“It isn’t just about the curse.”
“Then what is it? What are you scared of Yuji?”
“What happens when he eventually learns about the truth? I’m afraid of losing someone important to me again Nobara.”
“You’re being stupid again. Do as you please. However, if you don’t want to lose him I suggest you tell him the whole truth yourself.”
That night he dreams of gumi calling him an idiot for letting his fear get the better of him.
‘You should tell him the truth.’
‘And what if he hates me for it.’
‘Then he just wasn’t for you then.’
‘I don’t want him to hate me.’
‘Yuji, I want you to find happiness even if it isn’t with me. So you better chase that happiness.’
“I’ll tell him the truth, only the truth this time.”
“Thought I had to beat some sense into you. Glad that wasn’t the case idiot. Now go.” Nobara says as she pushes him towards Satoru san room.
“Yuji kun. So, when were you going to tell me?” Satoru san says in solemn voice so out of characteristic of him and Yuji immediately knew what he was referring to.
Did you forget your place? Ah, Yuji actually forget he was cursed.
“I–”
Yuji cannot raise his head, he isn’t brave enough to see eye to eye with the alpha standing in front of him. Everything he had feared had come true.
“I’m leaving.”
He wanted to explain everything, tell how important the alpha has become to him, tell him that his happiness is him, beg the alpha to stay but before he could voice it out, he hears those words, something he hadn’t expected from the alpha. He freezes.
“Don’t come close to me again.”
By the time Yuji had raised his head, the alpha was already out of the door with his back turned towards him. As he watches the alpha walk further and further away from him, Yuji can feel his heart shatter into thousands of jagged pieces piercing into his soul itself.
I’m such a fool. Yuji thinks to himself while his inner omega whimpers at the loss and rejection of the alpha. The heavy and rancid smell of death overflows out of him covering every space of the estate, fitting for someone like him.
What did you expect?
The warm spring sun melts away any remaining trace of the harsh winter and gives way for new life to blossom. However, Yuji finds himself stuck in a never-ending winter with no signs of spring arriving any time soon without the presence of his star.
Everyone starts to fret over his condition but seeing Nobara tear up becomes the final nail in the coffin. He drags himself out from his nest mostly consisting of clothes with the alpha scent (though the scent has started to fade) just to quell her worries.
“You should be resting idiot.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I promised you, didn’t I? That I would take you to the central market coming spring.”
“That can wait. Your well-being comes first idiot.”
“Please Nobara” He begs her. After a while she agrees reluctantly.
“Fine but on one condition. If I see you show any sign of weakness, we’ll return back immediately.”
“Thanks, Nobara.”
The central market is bustling with people and it is one of the places Yuji usually avoided. Only visiting when least amount of people are present so that no unfortunate alpha might come in direct contact with him accidentally and activate the curse. But not today, today he walks side by side with his friend careful enough to not touch any strangers.
Then his nose picks up the familiar scent of the sea and blooming lotus making him pause. His heart starts to beat erratically inside his chest while his inner omega urges him to find the alpha. A ruckus is heard coming from the same direction as the scent was and without even thinking, his legs move on their own, sprinting towards it. The only thought in his head at that moment is please be Satoru san, please be Satoru san.
But when he finally reaches the centre of the ruckus, Yuji doesn’t see Satoru san. He knows the alpha has to be somewhere nearby; he can still pick up his scent.
“Oh Itadori, I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“Maki san! I came here with Nobara.”
“That’s not what I meant. You aren’t looking too good to be outside and where is Nobara?”
Yuji was so distracted by the thought of seeing Satoru san again that he didn’t even realise he had left Nobara behind. What kind of friend is he? He came out to the markets with her in order to lift off her worries but somehow, he managed to do the opposite.
“Oi, potato head. How dare you leave me alone?” “Also, you shouldn’t be running in your condition idiot.”
“Sorry”
“Why am I always stuck with dumb people.”
“Glad to see at least you’re doing fine Nobara.”
“Maki san! Are you also here to buy something.”
“Nope. I had some work here. Heard through my sources that the guy I was tasked to capture was somewhere around here.”
“So, did you catch him?”
“I did though that white-haired alpha was one slippery bastard to catch. I don’t know what made him pause at the end but he did and I was finally able to catch him. Toji san is currently escorting him to the estate.”
“Can I ask you the name of this person, Maki san?” He asks nervously, after silently listening to the conversation for a while. Something inside him is telling him that this person is his Satoru san.
“Gojo Satoru. Why do you ask though?”
“Why was he captured?” the question leaves his mouth without permission almost immediately.
“Apparently the guy is a big con artist. And normally the clan wouldn’t have interfered with the matter but unlucky for him, his last victim was Naoya whose ego got bruised by the fact that he got outsmarted by someone who he considers below him and you can guess the rest.”
“Maki san. Can I borrow your horse?”
Satoru had always valued himself first and foremost. He never cared for the norms and traditions expected of him to follow as an alpha. Heck he even went out of his way to never form a pack and mate with an omega. Plus, it would only hinder his work. He thought himself to be above the rest, proud of being able to rein in his carnal desires but that all changed when he met Yuji.
There was something about Yuji that pulled him in. The omega was akin to the mesmerising moon shining brightly in the dark night and Satoru couldn’t keep his eyes off of him.
Satoru is not a good person and definitely not a good alpha but Yuji made him want to try to be one, try to be someone worthy of him. For the first time in his life Satoru found himself wavering.
But Satoru forgot that one can admire the moon from afar but wanting to hold it within one’s own palm is nothing more than a foolish dream. He had foolishly thought Yuji could ever be his but his illusion gets shattered like a glass with few words whispered amongst the staffs when they thought they wouldn’t be heard by anyone.
Yuji didn’t keep him close only because its convenient for the curse, did he? Yuji likes him, doesn’t he?
“gumi”
Then why did he utter someone else name in his sleep like that.
“Yuji kun. So, when were you going to tell me?”.
“I–“
He had hoped, prayed that Yuji would tell him that he loves him, that he wants him here not because it’s convenient but because he really enjoys being together with him. But he is met with silence. Yuji doesn’t even look at him.
“I’m leaving.”
“Don’t come close to me.” He says after a while then turns away from Yuji and tries to walk out calmly. He fails miserably.
Satoru had thought he would be able to forget Yuji like a bad dream but how utterly wrong he was. In every dream he sees Yuji and his beautiful smile directed towards him, can hear him calling his name in that sweet voice of his, can see Yuji running towards him with a big smile on his face but he always ends up waking up before Yuji can reach him in his dreams.
Spring comes and he tells himself he’s fine, he’s already over it but then he picks up his scent. He freezes. Even though, it wasn’t more than a minute, it was enough for him to get himself captured.
“You’re free.”
“Huh?”
“I said, you’re free, kid.” The ossan who escorted him here repeats again.
“I heard you the first time around ossan! But how?” Satoru cannot think of anything that might have led to this.
“Don’t know and don’t care. But someone is here to see you.” Who? He wonders. Then a second later the question why arises inside his head.
He is then led outside of a room and left alone in the hallway. Satoru is half tempted to run away but the curiosity wins over. He slides open the shoji, only to see someone he had least expected to.
“Am I dreaming?” He thinks.
“You’re not.” Yuji answers. He spoke out loud, didn’t he?
Upon closer look, Satoru could see how much sickly Yuji looked, skin pale white, bags under his eyes and the weight loss was clearly noticeable. Concerns bleed into his eyes and Satoru knows that Yuji could see it too because the latter immediately smiles at him as if to convey that he’s fine.
He wants to ask Yuji how did he know, ask if he’s the one responsible for freeing him, but mainly he wants to know why he’s here. As if he’s reading his mind, Yuji answers his unspoken questions.
“I had requested the clan head to forsake your crime.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to see you again Satoru san.” Yuji says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
“I also wanted to apologise to you for hiding things from you.”
That’s not what I wanted to hear Yuji. I wanted you to...
“Itadori sama, Toji sama wants to know if you would like to visit Megumi sama with him today.” a servant asks meekly from outside.
“gumi”
The memory of Yuji longingly calling that name while asleep flashes before his eyes. Yuji already had someone in his heart. Jealousy taste bitter in his mouth. His inner alpha snarls at the mention of the other’s name.
“You saw me, you apologised, you don’t have to stay with me any longer. Just go to your alpha already.” words shoot out from his mouth sharpened by anger and bitterness.
Now why are you shocked by the hurt in the other’s eyes?
“Can you come back little later.” Yuji is barely able to keep his voice from cracking as he says that.
“Understood Itadori sama.” With that said, the servant leaves them alone.
“Megumi isn’t my alpha! He’s dead and it’s because of me Satoru san!” It’s the first time Satoru has seen Yuji scream.
“I only ever come here to visit his final resting place.”
“I’m sorry.” Satoru can only apologise in shame.
“It’s my fault too. I should’ve told you the truth sooner. I was going to but you found out on your own.” Yuji laughs, it’s humourless and hollow.
“We were betrothed to one another and even though we could actually never be truly together, I was happy enough to just call him mine but Megumi wanted to break the curse. He failed and his price was his life. After losing him, I had given hope on ever finding happiness again but then you came into my life and proved everything I believed in till now wrong. I don’t know when or how but I started to fall more and more deeper for you. You became my happiness Satoru san. I knew that but refused to acknowledge it until it was too late. It felt like I was betraying both of you. I was scared that you’ll also leave me behind like so many once the truth is out. I was scared of losing you.”
“I’m not expecting you to forgive me. I just wanted you to know the truth no matter how late it was. I wanted you to stay not because of the curse but because you make me very happy Satoru san. It was purely a selfish reason.”
Yuji admission echoes in his head and for a second, Satoru feels his heart stop beating.
The cards are finally all out, what are you gonna do?
“I’m not good person and far from a good alpha, you know that right? I’ve never been good at sharing, have a shitty personality, people say my only saving grace is my looks, and I can be possessive–“
Do you still want me after hearing all of my flaws?
“Are you trying to push me away again?”
“That won’t work cause despite what you just said Satoru san, you were the one who saved me that day, you were the one who made me laugh, you were the one who helped me find happiness again, you are the one I love, you are my happiness Satoru san. So, if you think this is gonna push me away, you’re wrong.”
Satoru doesn’t know when his eyes ended up shedding tears. He doesn’t care. All he knows is that he wants to hold Yuji in his arms and never let go of him and so he does.
“Then I’ll do my best to be the person you see me as.”
Before he knows it, Yuji lips crashes against his own. The moment becomes even more sweeter when Satoru realises that he is Yuji’s first. Yuji inexperience shines through so Satoru guides him into it, show him how it’s done. He nibs on the other’s lower lips and slides his tongue in when Yuji lips part as he gasps. Every moans coming from Yuji, he greedily consumes it and part only when they start to feel the lack of air.
“I feel like I might die from happiness Satoru san.”
Two years later
“Why am I the wife? Shouldn’t it be you Satoru san since you took my name?” The blush on Yuji face makes him even more beautiful in Satoru’s eyes.
“Nope. You’re the omega so you’re the designated wife in our marriage. Also you can pretend all you want to Yuji but you like it when I call you my wife.” Satoru teases.
“That’s because you use ‘my’ in front of wife.” Yuji says in a small voice as he hides his blushing face with his hands.
“Yuji~”
“You’re going to kill me with your cuteness.”