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A pointer finger only an inch away from the trigger. Aimed at someone’s forehead. The silence is too loud. No one is breathing.
“You can’t do it, can you?” A voice breaks the silence like glass shattering. It sounds broken but strong at the same time. Of course it does. It came from Dazai. “You can’t shoot me because you love me. Isn’t that right, Chuuya?” Dazai was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall. His eyes were cold and empty, staring into Chuuya’s blue eyes. He’s always loved those eyes.
His breath hitched at the question. It was an accusation. A threat to make Chuuya confess. “No. I don’t love you.” A lie. Everything between them is just a web of lies. Their entire relationship is built on lies. Fabricated truths. White lies. Nothing is ever the truth when it comes to Dazai. Chuuya just happened to be caught in his trap and manipulated to act the same. To not tell the truth when it could harm himself.
“Then pull the trigger. Shoot me. You’ve always wanted to kill me, right? Here’s your chance.”
Everything Dazai spouted was just a way to gaslight Chuuya into feeling guilty. Is he? No. Dazai was wrong. It was far from the truth. Chuuya wanted Dazai to live. He wanted the brunette to live, like how Dazai made him feel like he’s alive.
But these were orders. Orders from the boss. A boss that Chuuya had sworn loyalty to. Never disobey. Never deceive. He wasn’t like Dazai. Easily leaving the mafia like he’s walking out of a bar. No. Dazai is powerful alone. Chuuya needs guidance. He can be independent but he also can’t. Quite a contradiction.
“Scared?”
Just shut the fuck up, you shitty bastard!
He can’t let Dazai go. Even if Dazai were to play dead, create a new identity, and run away from them, from his home, from Yokohama, Chuuya will forever feel the guilt rot inside. He has never really ever kept secrets from the boss, and even if he did, Mori always found out.
If…if Mori found out that not only did Chuuya lie about Dazai being dead but also let him run away, Chuuya would be in danger and so would Dazai. No, he doesn’t care what happens to Dazai. He doesn’t love Dazai.
“Come on, Chuuya! Just fucking shoot me already if you don’t love me. Or wait, you’re loyal. Always and forever loyal to him, aren’t you?”
It shouldn’t feel like an insult. A knife stabbed and twisted into his back. It could be a compliment. A great compliment. After all, loyalty is important, right?
The pointer finger rests on the trigger and Dazai smiles. “Ah, well, before you pull it. I have something to confess.”
Huh?
Dazai leans forward so his forehead was touching the muzzle. If Chuuya wasn’t staring so intently at Dazai, he would’ve missed the single teardrop rolling down the brunette’s face. “I love you, Chuuya. That will never change. You’re my soulmate, my everything, my world. It’s because of you that I decided to stay in this world a little longer than I expected. And now, it'll be because of you that I’m leaving it. You don’t have to love me back. I’m not worth that much energy. Forget about me when I’m gone. You’ll always be human in my eyes.”
Chuuya’s vision blurred as he hears Dazai give his shitty little speech with that shitty mouth of his. Everything about him is shitty.
He closes his eyes and shoots.
When he opens his eyes, Dazai’s dead. There was blood. So much blood, dripping down his forehead.
He hates Dazai, he hates the waste of bandages, he hates the mackerel, he hates him.
And yet…
Chuuya’s tears won’t stop flowing down his face like a waterfall. He completed his mission but he lost his best friend. His crush. His soulmate.
The redhead kneels down, lowering his gun. “I hate you.”
I love you so much.
He stands up and walks away from the corpse. Mori will be proud of him. Chuuya will be able to secure his spot as the next boss. And the world will be right again.
He doesn’t think about the fact that he actually killed his best friend. He wasn’t able to use his ability in time. He wanted to. But, the brunette was holding Chuuya’s leg.
That bastard wanted this…